摩登家庭 第七季 Modern Family Season 7 第18集: The Party

上映日期: 2,015

语言: 英语

影片类型: 喜剧

导演: James Alan Hensz

演员: 艾德·奥尼尔 / 索菲娅·维加拉 / 朱丽·鲍温 / 泰·布利尔 / 杰西·泰勒·弗格森 / 艾瑞克·斯通斯崔特 / 萨拉·海蓝德 / 阿芮尔·温特 / 诺兰·古德 / 里克·罗德里格兹 / 奥布里·


台词
There is my favorite girl!
我最爱的美女好啊
I'm so excited about our SPA weekend!
我好激动可以周末一起去做水疗哦
Oh, me too.
我也是
If you think of it while you're there,
如果你们到了那边还记得的话
I'm dangerously low on sunscreen powder.
我的防晒粉马上就不够用了
Powder?
You know, you won't be smirking 10 years from now
等十年后 你的脸变成老苹果的时候
when your face looks like an old apple.
你就笑不出来了
I just got my first perk as C.E.O. Of Pritchett's Closets.
我首次得到出任普里契特橱柜CEO的奖励
I finished a big job for a spa,
我承包的水疗馆项目完成了
and as a thank-you,
他们为了感谢我
they sent me a free weekend for two.
给了我两个免费水疗周末的名额
Phil's too ticklish for massages, though.
但菲尔太怕痒了 不能接受按摩
But I am not!
可我不会
I heard it's the place where all the stars go
我听说好多明星都去那里
to get hot mud poured into their faces.
往脸上倒热泥巴
I just can't wait to see this one without makeup.
我只是等不及要看这位的素颜了
You do, it will be the last thing that you will ever see.
如果你看到了 那将是你死前见到的最后画面
I remember my first big perk for a job well-done.
我还记得我第一次获得的工作奖励
I had upgraded some closets for guy who created "ALF".
我给《家有阿福》的主创升级了柜子
And six weeks later, I'm watching the show.
六周以后 我看节目里
There's ALF sassing this handsome mailman
阿福狂骂的一个帅哥邮递员
named Jay Pritchett.
就叫杰·普里契特
I still got it on Betamax.
我还录下来了呢
I remember. You showed it to me on our first date.
我记得 我们第一次约会时你就给我看过
Jay, you ready to watch the, uh, fight together?
杰 准备好一起去看拳击比赛了吗
Yep.
好啊
Just two of us.
就我们两个
I had the perfect night planned --
我本来把今天晚上都计划好了
alone, pay-per-view boxing --
我一个人 付费观看拳击比赛
The pride of Ireland versus a Cuban sensation.
爱尔兰的骄傲[酒]对战古巴的轰动[雪茄]
In the ring and in my bloodstream.
在拳击场里 也在我的血液里
Then Gloria and Mitchell got involved.
结果歌洛莉亚和米奇尔掺和进来了
Jay, Cam is gonna watch the fight, too.
杰 小卡也要看拳击赛
Why don't you two watch it together?
你们何不一起看呢
Oh, good, because Cam was just gonna watch from a bar by himself.
太好了 不然小卡只能一个人去酒吧看了
I love it. It's gonna be like you have a date!
我好喜欢 简直像你们俩来了场约会
I don't know what it is, but Jay gets uncomfortable
我不知道怎么回事 但每次我和杰独处
when it's just the two of us.
他都会觉得不自在
And then I get uncomfortable,
然后害我也觉得不自在
and I feel like I have to say something.
总感觉有必要说点什么
Perfect.
完美
Today's Hitler's birthday.
今天是希特勒的生日
Mitchell, we're going!
米奇尔 我们走了
Where is Phil? The theater's gonna be packed.
菲尔人呢 电影院里的座位肯定坐满了
Honey, your nerd friend is waiting.
亲爱的 你的书呆子朋友在等你
Who dare invoke my name?
谁敢召唤我的大名
That's my cue.
撤退信号来了
It is I, your destroyer!
是我 你的毁灭者
Lily, you sure you don't want to go to the movies with us?
莉莉 你确定不跟我们一起去看电影吗
Last chance.
最后问你一次哦
What is it about again?
讲什么的来着
The Defenders of Infinity are heroes
《无限的守护者们》讲述的是
from several different time streams
从几个不同时间流来的英雄
that make their way into the future without --
一不小心进入了未来 但却不知道...
Um, it's not really the future
并不是真的未来
since the streams have always coexisted.
因为时间流都是共存的
Don't do that. Don't treat me like I'm a lobotomorph.
不要这样 别把我当成"脑叶人"
Lily, you don't want to go.
莉莉 你不会想去的
You'll be the only girl in the theater.
你将会是全影院唯一的女孩
All right, you guys should head out.
好了 你们该走了
We would love to.
我们很想走了
Oh, and don't worry.
不用担心
Lily's babysitters have a big night planned --
莉莉的保姆把今晚计划得满满的
puzzles, ping-pong, board games.
拼图 乒乓球 桌游
Are we still in that "Let Manny win or he cries" Phase?
现在还是"让曼尼赢吧 不然他该哭了"计划吗
No.
不是
We should get going. Are we taking separate time streams?
我们该走了 我们要不要通过不同时间流走
Sure, if we want to get there yesterday.
当然 如果我们想昨天到达的话
家 庭
摩 登
第七季 第十八集
Ah, there's something so relaxing about a bowl of green apples.
这一盆绿苹果 可真让人放松
I already forgot all my problems.
我已经把烦恼都忘掉了
Did you hear that?
你听到了吗
- What? - Exactly.
-什么 -就是啊
We used WhisperQuiet gliders in all the drawers.
我们在所有抽屉上都用了静音滑道
Oh, really cuts down on C.N.
减少了不少"柜噪"
It's industry jargon for "Closet noise."
那是我们这行的术语 意思是"柜子噪音"
Does that technology work on people, too?
这个降噪技术能用到人身上吗
You're right. I promise -- No more shop talk.
你说得对 我保证不会再三句话不离本行了
What is this?
是谁啊
Our smoke alarm went off at home.
家里的烟雾警报响了
I'm sure it's nothing,
我相信不是什么大事
but I'm still gonna call Luke just in case.
还是给卢克打个电话确认一下吧
And it's straight to voicemail.
直接转到语音信箱了
Hello, Manny. We saw that the smoke alarm went off.
曼尼 我们看到烟雾警报响了
Are you okay?
你没事吧
Oh, God. Luke's outgoing message
天啊 卢克的留言信息是
is a long and vaguely sexist rap.
又长又稍稍有点性别歧视的说唱
Okay, Papi. Stay perfect!
好的 宝贝 保持优秀
Everything is okay.
一切都好
They were baking cookies and they burned a batch.
他们在烤饼干呢 结果烤糊了一批
All right.
好吧
Except our oven isn't working.
不过我们家烤箱明明是坏的
Manny would never lie. You know what?
曼尼从来不撒谎的 不如这样吧
I am gonna call for a Russian masseuse.
我打电话叫个俄国按摩师
Their hands are very strong from wringing laundry.
他们的手非常有劲儿 都是拧衣服练出来的
Think about it.
你考虑一下
They were very eager to get us out of the house.
他们当时急着赶我们出家门
They're up to something.
他们肯定有什么阴谋
You are too suspicious.
你疑心太重了
And you are too trusting!
你太轻信别人了
Luke's already been arrested this year.
今年卢克已经被警察抓过
A few weeks ago, we caught him with beer.
几周前 他喝啤酒还被我们撞见
Even that's a better rap.
我刚刚的说唱都比他好
I'm hearing a lot of Luke's name and none of Manny.
我听到卢克的名字好几次 却没提过曼尼
You don't think Manny's up to the same things
你觉得曼尼不会趁你不注意的时候
when you're not paying attention?
也在一起搞鬼吗
You're crazy. Manny hates beer.
你疯了 曼尼讨厌啤酒
A fruity Beaujolais then.
那就是果香博若莱红葡萄酒
You can do whatever you want.
你想干嘛就干嘛
I'm gonna go check on my kid.
我去看看我家孩子
I hate how good those gliders are!
我好讨厌这些滑道 都没法摔出点气势
I am so excited. I feel like a teenager.
我好兴奋 感觉自己像个小少年
Me too. Although, as Torf the Ancient,
我也是 但是作为古人托尔夫的我
I have seen everything from the Great Star Explosion
已经从巨星爆炸到七月联盟中
to the Seven Moon Alliance.
阅尽世间万物了
Claire was right. No girls.
克莱尔说对了 没有姑娘
Phil?
菲尔
James!
詹姆斯
What's up?
你好呀
I sold this cool cat a house in the hills last year.
我去年卖给这位酷哥一栋山间小屋
Since then, his bluegrass band has really taken off.
从那以后 他的青草地乡村乐队就飞黄腾达了
It's so crazy. We started doing it ironically,
特别疯狂 我们开始是想讽刺才搞乐队
and before we knew it, we were actually doing it for real.
结果不知不觉的 竟然真的做起来了
That happened to me in the '90s
90年代的时候 我也经历过
with saying, "Exsqueeze me."
想说"抱歉" 结果真被"抱"了
Well, I assume from your Torf the Ancient costume,
从你的古人托尔夫造型
- and your pale slave getup... - Not a costume.
-和你的苍白奴隶造型中看出来 -我这不是造型
hat you guys are here to see "Defenders of Infinity."
你们是来看《无限的守护者们》的
Oh, yeah!
没错
Oh, it is so incredible!
超级好看
- Really? - Yeah.
-真的吗 -真的
Hey, if you really want to be blown away,
对了 你们想感受彻底震撼的话
I've got two special gummy bears you can have.
我这有两颗特质小熊软糖可以给你们吃
Just one for each of us?
我们一人就一颗吗
Believe me. One is all you need.
相信我 一颗就够了
I guess we can get more at the concession stand.
我们可以去小卖部再买点
No, they don't sell gummy bears like these here.
不 他们可不卖这种橡皮糖
You get extra cool ones from Europe or something.
你是从欧洲带回来特别酷的对吧
Guys, how are you not getting this? It's pot.
你们怎么还没明白 这是大麻
I don't know why, but I've never tried marijuana.
我也不知道为什么 反正我从来没抽过大麻
No. No, me neither.
对 我也没有
Th-There was always something stopping me --
总有些什么事阻拦我
needing to take care of Lily,
比如要照顾莉莉啦
the figure-skating honor code,
花样滑冰荣誉准则啦
not wanting to accidentally tell everyone in high school I was gay.
不想吸得神志不清 在高中意外出柜啦
People never offered it to me, which is weird
从来没人递给我抽过 挺奇怪的
because in college, I was kind of a big man on campus.
因为在大学里我也算是有头有脸的人物
I founded a major organization --
我建立了一个大型组织
the National Association of Responsible Cheerleaders.
全国负责任的拉拉队员协会
- Uh, NARCs. - Yeah.
-缩写是NARCs[缉毒署] -是啊
Here. They take 45 minutes to hit,
来 这个要45分钟才起效
so take them now,
现在就吃
and you'll be good to go when the movie starts.
等电影开始 你们的状态就刚刚好
Okay.
Um, you know, if -- if we ever were gonna try this,
如果我们想尝试这个
tonight's kind of the perfect opportunity.
今晚也算是个完美时机
I guess you're right.
我觉得你说得对
No kids. I'm wearing Velcro sneakers.
不用带孩子 穿的是尼龙扣运动鞋
Should we?
要吗
I've always wanted to know what it would be like.
我一直都想知道那是什么感觉
Plus, I went to the gym today.
再说了 我今天去了健身房
I deserve a sweet.
我理应尝点甜头
- Let's do it. - Okay.
-那就来吧 -好
I'm shaking. Thank you.
我在发抖 谢谢你
- Cheers. - Cheersies.
-干杯 -干杯
Chew smaller.
慢点嚼
'Sup?
好啊
Oh, my God.
我的天
I cannot believe we're doing this. This is so exciting.
不敢相信我们居然真吃了 太刺激了
Oh, God. I knew this was a horrible mistake.
天啊 我就知道犯了个大错
I just got an alert. Our smoke alarm when off!
我收到一个警报 烟雾警报器被触发了
It's not coming up.
吐不出来
Okay, okay.
没事
Relax. I'm gonna -- I'm gonna call Luke,
放松 我现在打给卢克
- find out what's up. - Yeah.
-看看怎么回事 -好
Voicemail.
转进语音信箱了
This rap's hilarious, though.
不过这段说唱还挺搞笑的
-Call Claire. -She's not home.
-打给克莱尔 -她不在家
We're gonna have to check this out.
我们得回去看看
No, come on. Those alerts are always nothing.
不 拜托 这种警报一般都没什么事
Plus... our crime.
再说了 我们的犯罪事实
Listen, we have assigned seats
听着 我们的座位是有号的
and 45 minutes till this kicks in.
这个也要45分钟才起效
That gives us plenty of time to Uber home,
我们完全有时间打车回家
make sure everything's fine,
确保一切安好
touch up my veins, and get back.
平复下我的心情 然后再回来
I'll set an alarm so we know exactly when it hits.
我设个闹钟 这样就知道什么时候起效
No, you're right. Lily's there. Yes, yes. Let's go.
你说得对 莉莉也在呢 我们走吧
Plus, we're not gonna want to deal with this
再说了 我们不会想等到飘飘欲仙的时候
when we're high and paranoid.
再来处理这种事的
Oh, God.
天啊
Do you think the paranoia will be bad?
你觉得到飘飘欲仙的状况会很严重吗
So, how's the closet business?
你的衣柜生意如何
- I retired two months ago. - Right. Right.
-我两个月前退休了 -对哦 对哦
Uh, getting our carpets cleaned next month.
我下个月打算清洗一下地毯
Oh, come on. That's ridiculous.
拜托 简直荒谬
Hernandez has this fight in the bag.
赫南德兹绝对轻松拿下这场比赛
Yeah, it's gonna be such a cakewalk.
是啊 简直是易如反掌
He shouldn't even be getting paid for it.
根本就不该给他钱
Can you believe these guys?
这些人简直胡扯
No disrespect, but if O'Brien's even halfway sober,
无意冒犯 可就算奥布莱恩有那么半点清醒
he takes Hernandez apart.
都能把赫南德兹撕碎
Yeah, he's got a better reach, better jab,
对 他臂展更长 出拳更猛
and I haven't seen feet that fast since Riverdance.
脚步之灵活迅速堪比踢踏舞
You guys seem pretty confident.
你们看起来还挺自信
Uh, care to make a friendly $10 bet?
要不小小地赌个十美元如何
We'll take it. Easiest money I ever made.
我们应战 简直是这辈子挣的最轻松的钱
You're crazy. O'Brien is a mook.
你们简直疯了 奥布莱恩是个废物
Well, Hernandez is a palooka.
赫南德兹就是个半吊子
I'd rather be a palooka than a mook.
我宁愿是个半吊子也不愿意是个废物
Well, that's a lot of talk coming from a couple jabronis.
两个傻屌也好意思说这种话
Cam, calm down. We're just having fun here.
小卡 淡定 我们这是说着玩呢
Really? That's -- That's the line?
不是吧 那个词已经很过分了吗
What happened?
怎么回事
Damn it! O'Brien knocked him out!
该死 奥布莱恩把他击倒了
Already? We missed the whole thing!
这么快 我们完全错过了
We're backed up in the kitchen.
厨房很忙
Sorry, guys. Your food's gonna be a while.
抱歉了 你们点的餐还要再等会
I thought about leaving,
我想过要走
but I didn't want to make Jay feel bad.
可我不想让杰不高兴
I had a sandwich coming.
我在等一个三明治
I told you. Nothing!
我就说吧 屁事都没有
A little too much nothing, if you ask me.
我觉得像这么平静无事有点不正常
What are you guys doing here?
你们怎么回来了
I forgot my slippers.
我忘了带拖鞋
Doesn't the hotel have slippers?
酒店不是会有拖鞋吗
I'll be asking the questions.
我来问问题
How did you manage to burn chocolate-chip cookies
你们怎么可能把巧克力饼干烤糊
in an oven that doesn't work?
烤箱明明都坏掉了
Oh, Manny meant pancakes.
曼尼的意思是煎饼
We're making chocolate-chip pancakes.
我们在做巧克力煎饼
You see? Now, let's go.
瞧吧 我们走吧
Somebody named Olga should be salting me like a pretzel!
这会应该有按摩师往我身上撒盐才对
Is everything okay?
没什么事吧
Oh, yes. It was just a false alarm.
没事 警报误响了
Well, then we should probably get back to the theater.
那我们就回电影院去了
Those pre-movie trivia questions
开映前的趣味问题
aren't gonna answer themselves, are they?
还等着我们去回答呢
- Actually, they do. - Wait a minute!
-其实是自问自答 -等一下
What the hell is going on...
这是怎么回事
here, huh?
这个东西
I smell cheap beer. Someone's been having a party.
我闻到廉价啤酒味 有人在开派对
Claire, you're just being crazy.
克莱尔 你这是在发疯
Take a look around! Nothing is going on!
你看一看周围 根本就没事
There is no party!
没有什么派对
Everyone just be cool!
所有人都淡定
See that story about the one-armed golfer?
看过那个独臂高尔夫球员的故事吗
No.
没有
Yeah, well, it's this guy and he's...
就是 有这么个人...
Well, I guess that's it. He's -- He's a one-armed golfer.
就这样了 他是个独臂高尔夫球员
How backed up is that kitchen?!
厨房到底是有多忙
These guys!
这两个家伙
Hey, you rascals. Get over here.
嘿 你们两个小鬼 过来
We're on our way out.
我们正准备走
No! Don't you want a chance to win your money back?
别急 你们不想找机会把钱赢回来吗
It's 5 bucks each. We're good.
每人5块钱而已 无所谓了
No! Come on!
别啊 来吧
It'll be fun.
会很好玩的
Dude, you're hurting my arm.
老兄 你把我胳膊抓痛了
No, a game of foosball, double or nothing.
来一局桌上足球 要么赢回去要么输双倍
- I don't think -- - You're on! Let's go!
-我不想... -说定了 走吧
Phil, uh, how long do we have?
菲尔 我们还有多长时间
17 minutes.
17分钟
Till the movie, is what we're talking about.
我们是指距离电影开始的时间
We're just two guys seeing a movie.
我们就是两个看电影的人
No one's leaving here until we get to the bottom of this.
在把事情搞清楚前 任何人都不准离开
Oh, my God. Somebody give me a back rub!
我的天 来个人给我按背
Manny! Luke! Get in here!
曼尼 卢克 都过来
You guys go search the house. Find something suspicious.
你们去搜查房子 看看有什么可疑之处
Is this gonna be like loading the dishwasher?
这会不会跟塞洗碗机一样
First I load it, then you reload it?
我先塞了一次 然后你又重新塞了一次
Wouldn't it be faster if you actually...
如果你亲自...
Phil, go!
菲尔 快去
What's so important?
什么事这么重要
I'm sitting for my portrait.
我在坐等我的肖像画呢
Oh, knock it off. I know you two threw a party.
少来这套 我知道你俩开了个派对
I don't "throw" a party, Claire.
我不开[扔]派对的 克莱尔
It's true. He can't throw anything.
是真的 他什么东西都扔不动
And if I were hosting an event,
而且如果我真的举办了派对
where did I put the ice sculpture?
我要把冰雕藏哪
Where did I stash the hors d'oeuvres?
把餐前点心藏哪
Where did I hide the jazz trio?
把爵士三人乐队藏哪
Good question,
问得好
considering you couldn't even hide... the Solo.
因为你连"独奏"的[啤酒]都藏不好
Nice wordplay, Mom,
文字游戏玩得不错 妈
but that cup's been there for like three days.
但那个杯子已经放那三天了
I didn't want to say anything
我之前什么都没说
'cause I thought it was yours.
因为我以为那是你用过的
Yeah. It was bold.
没错 那方法很大胆
But those kids upstairs weren't gonna stay quiet forever.
可楼上那些孩子不会一直保持安静
I was one dead phone battery away from a conversation breaking out.
只要一个人手机没电 就会有人说话
Sure, throwing a party was a risk,
当然了 开派对是很冒险
but two hot exchange students just started at our school.
可我们学校刚来了两个超辣的交换留学生
Best part is, they don't understand
最妙的就是 她们还不知道
just how uncool we are.
我们到底有多不酷
Yet.
暂时而已
So, we were walking down the hallway
于是 我们在走廊里走着
when we stopped by the locker --
然后在储物柜旁停了下来
Ohh, pizza day.
"披萨日"
That's our personal trainer.
那是我们的私人教练
He hates it when we eat carbs.
他不喜欢我们吃糖类食物
We had a short window.
我们的机遇期很短
We needed to impress them fast.
我们必须尽快给她们留下好印象
So, we bribed Lily with all the soda she could drink
所以我们就用无限的汽水贿赂莉莉
and threw a party.
开了这场派对
It was going great until someone set off the alarm
开始一切都很顺利 直到有人触发了火警
because he just had to smoke his dorky pipe.
因为他非要抽那个傻帽烟斗
Dorky?
傻帽
Yeah, because Hugh Hefner doesn't get girls.
是啊 休·海夫纳抽烟斗就"泡不到"妞呢
《花花公子》杂志的创刊人及主编
I love you, too, Mommy.
我也爱你 妈妈
All clear, party people!
没事了 朋友们
I told her we were baking cookies.
我告诉她我们在烤饼干
Dude, our oven's broken.
老兄 我家的烤箱坏了
My mom's definitely gonna get suspicious and check on us.
我妈绝对会起疑心来查岗的
That means my mom's coming, too.
那说明我妈也会来
I'll get everyone to leave,
我让大家快撤
you get rid of the beer and your idea of a spread.
你来处理啤酒和你的大餐
Wait. We're not giving up yet.
等等 我们不能放弃
The beer pong tournament just started,
啤酒乒乓球比赛才刚开始
the girls are laughing at all of our jokes,
姑娘们为我们讲的笑话笑个不停
and they think we're friends with guys like Tommy Cutahee.
还以为我们跟汤米·卡特西那种家伙是朋友
Great party, Lewis.
派对真棒 路易斯
Thanks, Tommy.
谢了 汤米
From now on, I'm Lewis.
从现在开始 我叫路易斯
We're going to get caught if we do nothing.
如果不采取行动 我们会被抓到的
What if we hide everyone long enough
要是我们把大家都藏起来
for my mom to check on us and then leave?
直到我妈检查完走了呢
It's not worth it.
这么做可不值
Guys, when do we play Seven Hours in Heaven?
两位 我们什么时候玩《天堂七小时》
Moving the party upstairs, people!
派对转移到楼上啦 朋友们
Okay. No one's here.
好了 这里没人
Is that your watch alarm?
是你手表闹钟响了吗
We have to get out of here!
我们得走了
I do not want to be high in front of Claire!
我可不想在克莱尔面前进入嗑高的状态
Wait.
等等
I think I'm feeling something.
我想我有感觉了
Oh, no.
不要啊
What are you feeling?
你感觉怎么样
Nice.
很好
Oh, God.
天啊
Are you feeling anything?
你有感觉了吗
No.
没有
Then why are you leaning like that?
那你怎么歪着站
I'm not leaning.
我没歪啊
Maybe you're leaning so it looks like I'm leaning.
也许是你站歪了 所以看着我是歪的
Oh, yeah. You're right.
是啊 你说得对
Phil, what are you doing?
菲尔 你在干什么呢
Still searching!
还在搜
Anything suspicious?
有什么可疑的吗
Say nothing.
说"没有"[别说话]
Okay.
好的
Phil?
菲尔
Answer her!
回答她啊
You said "Say nothing."
你刚刚叫我别说话
- I mean say the word "Nothing." - Word.
-我是让你说"没有" -那个词
Nothing!
没有
- That was so good. - Thanks, man.
-说的好棒 -谢谢 兄弟
Okay, Phillip. Focus.
好了 菲利普 集中精神
We have to finish searching this house
我们得快点搜完这所房子
before we start acting weird or...
以免待会儿表现得诡异或是...
Nothing!
没有
That was so great.
说得好棒
Yeah, I learned from the best.
当然 名师出高徒嘛
Come on, you jerk. Get in there, you son of a bitch!
来吧 你这个混蛋 进球啊 混账
Oh, yeah, baby. Here we go.
对了 宝贝 就这样
That's what your sister said last night
昨晚我搞你妹的时候
when I was banging her.
她就是这么说的
What?! Aw, damn it, Vic!
什么 该死的 维克
Cam was banging Vic's sister.
小卡搞了维克的妹妹
Classic!
太经典了
Oh, just hit it already.
快点吧
That's what your sister said to Cam last night when he was banging her.
昨晚小卡搞你妹的时候 她也是这么对他说的
Did I do it?
我说得好笑吗
You're so good!
你真的好棒
Yes!
好棒
Manny, Manny...Manny.
曼尼 曼尼 曼尼
How did we get here?
怎么会这样呢
You're a good kid.
你是个好孩子
You didn't have anything to do with this.
你跟这事一点关系都没有
You were in the wrong place at the wrong time.
只是在错误的时间出现在错误的地点
Am I right?
我说的对吗
But someone's going down for this.
但是某人必须为这事接受惩罚
You think it'll be the white kid?
你觉得会是那个白人小孩吗
Claire!
克莱尔
What are you doing?
你在干什么
I am trying to get to the truth.
我正在努力挖出真相
The only way I'm gonna find out what really happened here
搞清家里到底发生什么的唯一办法
is to get those two clowns to turn on each other.
就是让那两个熊孩子互相揭发
Nothing happened here!
家里什么事都没有
And even if it had,
就算真的有
Manny's not gonna rat out his best friend!
曼尼也不会出卖他最好的朋友
I think I'm gonna take the deal.
我想我要乖乖跟她合作了
No!
不行
You cave, we don't stand a chance
你要是认怂 我们跟交换留学生
with those exchange students.
就没机会了
Those girls don't respect weak, little nerds
那些姑娘看不上弱爆的
afraid of being punished by their mommies.
害怕妈咪惩罚的小书呆子
They've lived through wars.
她们经历过战争
They're from Portugal!
她们是从葡萄牙来的
I heard something.
我听见有动静
Did you hear something?
你听见了吗
No.
Am I screaming right now?
我现在在尖叫吗
No.
没有
Stay cool. We're almost out of here.
保持镇定 我们就快离开这了
All clear.
这没人
Let's just check Luke's room.
我们检查下卢克的房间
Then we can tell Claire we didn't find anything.
然后就可以告诉克莱尔我们什么都没发现
Okay, there's two ways we can play this.
好吧 我们有两个办法
Okay.
好的
Okay, if we tell Claire about those kids,
好吧 如果我们告诉克莱尔这些孩子的事
we're gonna have to stay here and punish Manny
那就得留在这儿惩罚曼尼
and the, uh -- the other one.
以及 那个谁
That's no good!
那可不妙
I don't think we can hide our crime!
我觉得那样就瞒不住我们的罪过了
Well, then what if we don't tell her?
如果我们不告诉她呢
Does -- Does that make us bad parents?
那样我们就成了坏家长吗
Or are we bad parents,
或者说我们是坏家长
because we're punishing our kids while we are high?
是因为我们自己都嗑嗨了 却还要惩罚孩子们
We're bad parents either way!
无论哪样 我们都坏得透透的
This is a nightmare.
真是个噩梦
- Oh, hey, guys. - Hey, cupcake!
-你们好啊 -你好 小蛋糕
Do I call her "Cupcake"?
我刚是叫她"小蛋糕"吗
Don't worry, I'll make it normal.
别担心 我来化解尴尬
What's going on, cupcake?
怎么了 小蛋糕
Are you guys okay?
你俩还好吗
Yeah. Yeah, we're okay. Why wouldn't we be okay?
好 好 好的很 怎么会不好
Cupcake.
小蛋糕
I was so drunk, I thought they were stoned.
我当时醉得一塌糊涂 以为他俩嗑高了
Luke...Luke...Luke.
卢克 卢克 卢克
Keeping a secret like this is tough --
保守秘密是很不好受的
eats away at a man's soul.
会吞噬掉一个人的灵魂
Mom, I have one question --
妈妈 我只有一个问题
Why do you hate yourself?
你为什么憎恨自己
What?
什么
You have one night in a spa to be massaged and pampered,
你晚上本可以尽情地享受高级奢华的按摩
but you're here.
但你却情愿留在这
Why don't you think you deserve happiness?
你为什么觉得自己不配得到快乐
That's the mystery I'm interested in solving today.
这是我今天想深入解决的谜团
What is that?
什么声音
That is the sound of a party, Gloria, huh?
那是派对的声音 歌洛莉亚 对吧
Ay, Manny!
曼尼
Tomorrow's gonna be one awkward mother/son mambo class.
明天我和我妈去上母子曼波舞课一定尴尬到爆
Next up, I paddle your mother.
接下来 我要打你老娘的屁股
- Dad. - Claire!
-爸爸 -克莱尔
Hey, this is my actual daughter.
嘿 这才是我真正的女儿
You came up a few times tonight.
今晚好几次提到了你
So has my "wife."
我"老婆"也是
What are you doing here?
你们在这搞什么鬼
We ran out of games to bet on at the bar.
我们在酒吧 游戏都玩遍了
Claire...there's something we have to tell you.
克莱尔 有些事我们得告诉你
What did we decide to do again?
我们决定做什么来着
We, uh...
我们...
We're g-- We're gonna need a minute.
我们...我们要组织下语言
I told you there was nothing going on with the boys.
我告诉过你 孩子们没犯事
You're right.
你说得对
Boys, I apologize.
孩子们 我道歉
We can confirm that there's nothing suspicious anywhere.
我们以人格担保 没有任何可疑情况
Sorry about your table, Lewis.
很抱歉砸坏了你的桌子 路易斯
I have another party.
我还要赶另一个派对
Oh, I knew it!
我就知道
I knew these two were up to something.
我就知道这俩小子在密谋着什么
What do you think about your precious Manny now, huh?
现在你要怎么为你的"妈宝"曼尼辩护
I am sure it was Luke's idea!
我相信一定是卢克的主意
But do not give up on him yet.
但先别急着放弃他
I know that there is a camp up in the mountains
我知道山上面有个营地
where you can send bad kids.
专门收容这种坏小孩
No, it was my idea, too.
不 我也是共犯
I'm the one who set off the smoke alarm.
是我触发烟雾报警器的
I'm the one who bribed Lily with soda.
是我用汽水贿赂莉莉的
I'm the one who put a red light bulb in the laundry room
是我在洗衣房放了一个红色电灯泡
to give it a sexy vibe.
来营造性感的气氛
You've got to stop thinking of me as your perfect little boy.
你不能再固执地认为我还是你的乖宝宝
Honey.
亲爱的
- There's a party upstairs. - Party upstairs.
-楼上有个派对 -楼上有派对
I cannot believe that my baby lied to me.
我真不敢相信我家宝贝竟然对我撒谎了
I cannot believe my baby accepted a bribe.
我真不敢相信我家宝贝坦然受贿
I'd be more concerned with how natural she is
要是我就会将关注点放在
- with that bottle in her hands. - Okay.
-她浑然天成的喝酒姿势 -够了
I shouldn't trust my kid so much.
我真不该太相信自己的孩子
I have to be more like Claire and not trust anybody.
我应该像克莱尔那样 不信任任何人
I didn't want to be right, but I am.
我也不希望我猜对了 但事实如此
So here we are.
于是就这结果了
At least we still have Alex.
至少我们还有艾丽克斯
You guys don't have any good kids,
你们连一个好孩子都没培养出来
so who's the bad parent now, huh?
所以现在谁是坏家长
- Nobody. - Phil, no, don't.
-谁都不是 -菲尔 别说
No, no. I got this.
不 我来处理
Claire, I know why you're always worried.
克莱尔 我知道为什么你一直担心
Because you don't know what's going to happen.
因为你不知道未来会发生什么
It's called fear of the future,
那叫"未知恐惧"
or "Fof" Or "Fotf."
或"未恐" 或"未惧"
But spoiler alert -- It's gonna be great.
但容我剧透下 一切都会好得很
Guys, I have two words for you --
大家 我有俩字要告诉你们
think about time travel.
想想"时间旅行"
If you could go forward in time and turn around
如果你们能够穿越回到从前
and look at this moment, we would say,
转身看到此时此景 我们会说
"This is all super chill."
"真是太棒了"
Our kids are good people.
我们的孩子们都是好人
They turn out great.
他们长大了很优秀
- Phil's right. - Really?
-菲尔是对的 -真的吗
Oh, t-then here's something, too.
那...那我也有一些想说的
When I was younger, I never thought I would be here.
我小的时候 我从没想过我还会在这儿
And here I am.
但现在我就在这
What the hell does that mean?
这是什么意思
Oh, God.
老天
Look, you got to relax.
听着 你不用紧张
They're going to be fine.
他们不会有事的
People have a way of surprising you.
人们都有出人意料的一面
Yes, you see, we had our own journey tonight --
没错 我们今晚也有难忘的美好经历
an unlikely duo thrust together.
原本不搭调的两人一起玩得很开心
Not your moment, Cam.
没轮到你发言 小卡
Oh, right. I'll send a group e-mail.
好吧 我会给你们发群邮的
Honey, don't worry.
亲爱的 别担心
You're better parents than Dede and I ever were,
你作为家长 远胜过当年的我和迪迪
and you turned out all right.
你长大了也依然很棒啊
Thanks, Dad.
谢谢 爸爸
But what do we do now?
我们现在该怎么办
Are we just supposed to let these kids off the hook
我们该放过这些孩子们一马吗
because we were as bad as they are?
因为我们曾经也和他们一样顽劣
No. We'll be hypocrites.
不 我们要当伪君子
Like all parents!
跟所有家长一样
Luke! Manny!
卢克 曼尼
Get your asses in here!
都给我滚过来
Also, am I the only one that sees
还有 只有我一个人看出来
that these two idiots are high as kites?
这两个蠢货嗑药嗑得飘飘欲仙了吗
Mitchell?
米奇尔
Oh, my God. She is still going.
天哪 她还在跑
How much soda did she have?
她到底喝了多少汽水
You know, when you and Mitchell first got together,
当你和米奇尔刚在一起时
you used to ask me to do a lot of stuff.
你经常约我一起参与很多活动
I was new to the family, and I --
我当时才刚刚加入你们的家庭 而且
I really wanted you to like me.
我非常想博你欢心
But I always seemed to be too much, too demonstrative,
但我总是太急切 太情感外露
too dramatic... so I stopped.
太小题大做 所以我收手了
Well, I had fun tonight.
今晚我玩的很开心
I wouldn't mind if you still
我不介意你继续时不时地
chased me a little bit sometimes.
追在我屁股后面讨好我
Oh, Jay. Get in here.
杰 来抱一个
It's going too fast.
有点太快了吧
I'm -- I'm sorry. Baby steps.
我很抱歉 一步步来
No, the treadmill's about to launch her through the drywall.
不是 那个跑步机快得都能让她上天了
Lily.
莉莉