Come on, Joe. Buff that sucker.
快点 乔 擦亮点
What'd I teach you?
Is Joe applying for a job in a train station in 1940?
Just teaching him a few things every man should know.
Someone has to get in there early,
or sometimes the kid turns out funny.
- Hey, Phil. - Hey, guys.
You ready to tackle your website?
I know I'm here a little early.
I thought I was gonna be --
Do you recognize that?
Are you kidding? I love your sauce.
Some of it fell out of my burrito last night,
and I licked it right off the remote.
That's Auntie Alice's new sauce!
She stole my recipe!
I am the crazy Colombian that always loses her temper
and needs to be calmed down by the white people.
No! I don't think you're being crazy enough.
I'm not a violent man, but I know how nuts it can make you
to create something special only to have it stolen from you.
Do you remember a hit song called "Happy"?
Yeah, it was like a couple of years ago
with the clapping and the hat.
A couple of years ago, huh?
So a full four years after this burst on the scene.
*Because I'm snappy*
*Snap with me if you think that today is a good day*
*That's right, I'm snappy*
*Snap with me if you took a test and you got an A*
*You see, I'm snappy*
Sounds just a little similar, right?
- A little, but -- Thank you!
-有点 但是... -谢谢
But do you think that he saw this?
Um, it had 27 views.
Come on. We're going down to that market
to make that old bat cease and desist.
I will not stand idly by
while Auntie Alice Pharrell Williamses you.
Where are you two going?
We need olives!
And then when the lights go out, she'll be able to read
the glow-in-the-dark ink on your T-shirt.
- Oh, my God. She's gonna love it. - She? Who's she?
-天哪 她会爱死的 -她 说谁呢
What are you guys working on?
- Nothing. - Nothing.
Oh, okay. I get it, yeah.
He's -- I'll just be down in the bedroom, you know,
at the end of the -- at the end of the hall.
Hey, thanks for your help.
I really like this girl,
and there's just so much pressure
to do something spectacular when you ask a girl out to prom.
Is there something wrong with your air vents?
No, Cam breathes through his nose when he hides.
A promposal? To who? Laurie Vock?
邀请人参加毕业舞会 谁呀 劳利·沃克吗
Oh, no. She's Ian Jacobs' girl.
Melanie Rylance? You have to be careful with her.
She has more cold sores than Abby Burmeister.
But seriously, Luke, everything you say here
不过说真的 卢克 你在这里说的任何东西
is completely confidential.
Oh, you know, they are looking for chaperones for prom,
- and I thought maybe we could -- No, no.
We have tickets to the opening of "Cabaret" that night.
I'm not missing it so I can tell some teenage girl
to keep her dress on.
I spent my own prom doing that.
Okay, can I just point out the absurdity
that you ask this uncle to advise you and not this uncle,
who hung a Valentine's banner outside of his office that said,
"Mitchell, you're the best husband, father, and lover."
米奇尔 你是最好的丈夫 父亲和爱人
Didn't love all three of those being rolled into one sentence.
Sounded a little Ozark-y.
- No, Cam. Stop. - What?
-小卡 住手 -怎么了
Luke's just looking for an adviser
who's a little more understated
and a little less, you know...
- He's quite gay. - Yes, I got it.
Okay, well, you know what?
I would hate to muck up your promposal
with my flair and panache.
I'm sure the lucky girl will swoon with delight
when you use a mustard bottle
to write "Wanna go?" On her turkey burger.
There's an intruder in the house.
But you have nothing to worry about
with Pritchett's Guardian 3000 Closet,
which doubles as a military-grade panic room.
- So no intruder? - No!
I'm just so excited about this idea.
I'm debuting it next week at ClosetCon.
What do you think?
I think I'm studying for finals.
Can't you scare the crap out of a focus group?
Like I'm gonna share my best closet idea
with a room full of strangers
four days before the most hotly anticipated
storage convention in North America.
Good point. You do have Haley's number, right?
*From the first time that I saw your face*
*I knew you could be mine*
Alex Dunphy, would you make me the happiest cat in school
and swing by prom with me?
Hey, Jerry. For some reason, I'm locked out of my computer.
Apparently, someone tried to access my e-mail
before I got in.
Someone hell-bent on leaking company secrets.
It is four days until C-Con, and Pritchett's Closets has a mole.
No one is above suspicion.
Margaret, where were you this morning at 9:45 a.m.?
I'm so sorry I was late.
I was at Overeaters Anonymous.
I woke up next to the ice cream again.
So not Margaret.
I know who that locker belongs to.
I can't believe you're asking that cheap Ho to the prom.
- Cam! - Sarah Ho!
She gave me a $5 gift card for Teacher Appreciation Day.
What's with the birds?
Oh, these are just some turtledoves for Manny's promposal.
You felt so slighted over Luke asking me
that you foisted yourself on Manny?
There was no foisting.
I asked Manny if he needed help.
He was too proud to admit that he did, so here we are.
Is it possible there's something deeper going on with you
around this whole prom area?
Is it possible you're second-guessing
your no-frills approach?
Especially compared to turtledoves, backup dancers,
and dry ice so Manny can appear in a cloud of mist.
Is our thing gonna seem lame now?
Now, now. I'm sure your thing is fine.
What did your little locker note say?
What delights await her in the gym?
Another note telling her to go to the parking lot.
Well, I should help Manny set up.
Should I be worried?
Don't freak me out right now, okay?
- Okay. All right. - It's fine. Just fine.
-好吧 -没事的 不会有事
You don't have to use it, but at least you'll have it.
Hello, Auntie Alice.
Or should she say Auntie Malice?
No, Gloria's right. It's Alice.
不 歌洛莉亚说对了 是爱丽丝
I didn't know you were in today.
You're in -- trouble!
- You stole my sauce! - What?
Uh, I'm sorry. Maybe you don't hear so good.
She said, "You...stole... her...sauce."
That's not the sauce she stole.
That's her Volcano sauce.
In her ad, one drop turns a hockey rink into a swimming pool.
It's her new sauce, the one that tastes just like mine.
How are you going to explain that?
Yeah, we want answers and a little bread.
对 我们需要解释 再来点面包
Your fight's not with me.
I'm not really Auntie Alice.
Your cute face is in the bottle!
Auntie Alice is a brand that was created by a big corporation.
So they were the ones who stole my sauce?
They steal all kinds of products.
And they have an army of lawyers
just ready to crush anyone who challenges them.
So we just have to take it?
It's in my eye! Oh!
Please don't repeat any of this, or I could lose my job.
I'm still paying off my improv classes.
How is this food?!
This will probably be yours someday,
so no reason you shouldn't learn to do this.
Does Manny know how to change oil?
- Bath oils. - What? Bath oil?
Let me grab the dipstick.
Manny. Okay. I just briefed the team.
Dry ice is ready. Bow ties are on the birds.
Megan already said yes to Shawn Reeves.
He asked her last period.
Oh, I'm so sorry, Manny.
Can't really blame her.
I mean, you try saying no to Shawn Reeves
with his weatherman smile and his exotic Canadian accent.
Well, there must be someone else you can ask.
No, that's okay. There's always next year.
不用了 没事 反正每年都有机会
At least this way I can see the opening of "Cabaret".
Oh, please. It's just "Cabaret."
It's been revived more times than Dick Cheney.
Okay. You're not missing your prom.
Cam... I'm getting the feeling
this is much more important to you than it is to me.
Well, maybe because I didn't get to go to mine.
Yeah, it's a painful story.
I get it. Some things are better left unsaid.
Her name was Tina Day.
We were just friends, but I was so into asking her,
I rented a white stallion and a suit of armor.
I wanted it to be a whole "Knight and Day" Theme.
I was promposing before it was even a thing.
I rode up her driveway,
and I could see when she opened the door
through the little slits in my helmet
what her answer was gonna be.
She wanted a traditional prom night with a guy
she could lose her virginity to.
I couldn't blame her.
I wanted the same thing.
There's always Melanie Rylance,
but you wouldn't want me to ask someone --
Delta, ready the dancers and dove cannon.
I feel terrible for screaming at her like that.
I blame yourself, too.
I'm just kind of going through something.
I got bumped from Lily's career day this morning
by a periodontist.
That's right. My job is less interesting that root rot.
Who cares about a bunch of third graders?
You love being a real-estate agent.
First of all, I'm not just a real-estate agent.
I'm a member of a national association,
a brotherhood, sworn to the Realtor Code of Ethics!
That's what this "R" Stands for.
Though, lately, it feels like it stands for "Regret".
I know everything there is to know about real estate,
and nobody seems to care.
Maybe I have the most boring job in the world.
Closets is the most boring job in the world.
She has to take the bus.
Let's offer her a ride.
No, that means "Follow her."
- Hello? - Hey, Mom.
How do you turn on the sprinklers for the front lawn?
Uh, it's a little control box by the front door. Why?
Look, now that I've got you on the phone,
I'm thinking it might be time to upgrade our Internet security.
Get rid of the Post-it note on your laptop
with your password on it.
Why are you so worried about security?
It's my first ClosetCon as C.E.O.,
and I am dealing with corporate espionage.
Well, if you're so worried about it,
why don't you just call Grandpa?
Do you know how that would look?
I mean, it's bad enough to go to the person
who had your job before you,
but when that person is daddy...
Honey, closet people are ruthless.
They'd eat me alive.
Or maybe the world isn't filled with heartless monsters.
Can you call my mom?
Hey, guys. Sorry I'm late.
I just got off the horn
with Rick Friedman over at Shelf Involved.
Someone there has given away corporate secrets.
Makes me so glad that we just upgraded our whole security system.
I mean, we got hidden cameras around this place
that I don't even know about.
So, we got a cake for Margaret's birthday.
How you doing, Ben?
Me? I'm good. I am good.
我吗 我很好 我很好
I'm gonna go to the bathroom, so...
It's not really my birthday.
I just wanted cake.
I eat garbage because I am garbage.
Um, listen. Can I call you back?
Just wanted to confirm we're on for dinner at --
Oh, got another call. One sec.
Yeah, I think she's onto us.
Yeah, a lot of mole talk.
I think we just need to calm things d--
You're talking to her right now?
So, we're on for tonight?
- Sure. - Great.
And, hey, you sound a little tense.
Don't let the job make you crazy, huh?
You go that route, soon you're seeing plots everywhere.
You're spying for my dad!
What? No! Yes. I'm sorry.
什么 我没有 好吧 对不起
I don't know why I agreed.
I just look up to your dad so much.
I can't believe he doesn't trust me.
Why did he put me in charge, then?
I don't know, but I can find out.
I've been working this game since my parents' divorce.
I was the only 10-year-old in Great Neck
with no bedtime and Diners Club card.
Fine. Don't make any plans for tonight.
You're coming to dinner with me.
All right. Um, can we stop by my house to change my shoes?
I didn't make it up here on the first try.
All right, the dove cannon's loaded,
the dancers are stretching, the dry ice is billowing.
The moment you get her outside, I will cue the team.
All right, team. Look alive.
注意 队员们 注意着点
We are hot. We are hot.
- Hey, Melanie. Listen -- - Manny.
-你好 梅兰妮 听着 -曼尼
Do you want to go to prom with me?
You got a second?
Yeah, I'm second. You're first.
是啊 我是第二名 你是第一名
I get it. You win everything.
That seems like something I'm gonna hear about later.
I need help with Luke's promposal, okay?
Can you go to the gym, wait for Sarah, and then hand her this?
你能去趟健身房 等莎拉来 然后交给她吗
Okay, this is what I've been reduced to?
Delivering an unperfumed envelope like a common bellhop? Fine.
像个信差似的 派送一封连香水都没喷的请帖 没问题
Stand down, everybody.
Little Bear's gone rogue.
- Hey, Coach. - Hey.
-你好 教练 -你好
Don't suppose you're planning on asking anyone to prom.
Um, I don't think we're allowed to go with teachers.
That's not what...
So, this is the house that stolen sauce built.
I'm so angry that I don't even know what I'm gonna say to her!
Ah, so, this is the house that the stolen sauce built!
Oh, I know what you're thinking, but this isn't my house.
I just come here to get my paycheck.
Grandma, my shower's broken.
I'm gonna use the one in the guesthouse.
Please be my new piano teacher.
I'm Auntie Alice.
Auntie Thief and Auntie Liar.
I'm sure we can work something out.
Who's your patent lawyer?
I patented your sauce this morning.
Have a good trip home, kids.
I am so sorry, Phil, that I wasted your whole day,
我真的非常抱歉 菲尔 浪费了你一整天时间
but I am more sorry of what I'm gonna do to your car!
Gloria, we're above that.
But not everyone would be.
You should put that beauty in your garage.
- I don't have one. - Oh, really?
-我没有车库 -哦 是吗
Just out of curiosity, do you not have a garage
because you converted it into the guesthouse
where your grandson's currently showering?
What's your game, mister?
I just find it interesting that you have
a fully plumbed stand-alone dwelling on your property.
That's none of your business.
Even more peculiar, your grandson appears to live here,
but judging by his T-shirt, he goes to Eden Mills High,
an elite public school 12 miles outside of your district.
Oh, maybe with the money you saved on private schools,
you paid for the new two-sided brick fireplace I saw,
which hasn't been legal since 1988.
Pull the sauce, Big Al,
or Monday morning, the city's here with a bulldozer,
and your grandson goes to a school with a metal detector.
How do you know all this?
What are you -- some kind of real-estate agent?
No. He's a Realtor.
There is a difference somehow!
Actually, I'm waiting for Sarah,
so if I could have the room for just a -- a minute.
Thank -- Okay, funny.
谢谢 好吧 真有趣
Whoever turned out the lights, please turn them back on.
They're not working. Might be a fuse.
Mitchell, we have a problem.
I mean, unless you're busy that night.
Are -- Are you asking me to prom?
Well, you know, they need chaperones.
Mitchell, this is the sweetest thing you've ever done for me.
I-I don't know if I've mentioned it,
but I never got to go to my own prom.
What about Luke's promposal?
Well, your husband, who couldn't plan anything romantic
with a gun to his head,
may have pulled off two promposals at once.
Do you have any idea who put that note in my locker
asking me to be a part of this thing?
Oh, yeah, it was my uncle.
It's pretty clever how he turned out the lights.
I said, "Turned out the lights"!
That's so sweet. I...
And I can't believe I'm finally going to prom.
I can't believe I finally have a happy memory
in a high-school gym.
- Joe did that to you? - Yeah.
- Slammed a car hood on it. - Why?
It slipped while I was teaching him to check oil.
Well, that's pretty advanced for a 3-year-old.
What can I say? I believe in my kids.
Looks good. Thank you.
Let's quickly go over the plan.
My dad's gonna be here any minute.
We're doing this in stages.
One finger means you text him
"We're closing the blinds division."
Our biggest earner?
He's gonna lose it if I tell him we're shuttering blinds.
Two fingers, we're partnering with Rod Bushmill.
That sleazebag represents everything
your father spent an entire career fighting against.
Three fingers, we're not going to ClosetCon. Wha--
Are you trying to teach your father a lesson
or crush his soul?
Just business, kid.
Looks good. Thank you.
So...with all this prom stuff coming up,
is your house as topsy-turvy as ours is?
Not really. Manny's taking this girl.
She's nothing special, but solid.
A lot like our blinds division.
You know -- not sexy, but --
No, Dad. No shop talk.
别 爸 别谈公事
You've had enough of that for a lifetime.
Wow, your phone is really blowing up tonight.
- Thank you. - Oh, thank you.
You know what else seems old-fashioned to me nowadays?
- Mm? - Integrity.
Maybe because I spent my career
fighting the sleazeballs in our industry.
You know -- the Rod Bushmill types.
Rod's a sweetheart.
He bought me lunch last week.
We got to talking about whether or not we --
What am I doing?
Jibber-jabbering about work.
So, that little grease monkey Joe is 3.
Hard to believe. 3.
They grow up so fast.
Got to be nice, though, Dad,
knowing that your company is in good hands
and you can stay home all day long and just play with your kid.
Have you lost your mind?
Well, not all day, obviously.
3-year-olds are nothing but bipolar germ buckets.
You're skipping out on ClosetCon?
- Who told you that? - Ben.
That little weasel told me everything.
Listen, I can tolerate shutting down the blinds,
even Rod Bushmill, but not showing up for ClosetCon,
you're asking not to be taken seriously.
We're one strong season away from being invited
to Expo Internationale du Closets!
Why are you looking at me like that?
'Cause I'm not doing any of those things.
I told that little weasel Ben to text you those things
when I found out that he was spying for you.
And, by the way, it doesn't feel very nice
to know that you don't think that I can run your company.
That's not why I did it.
I thought maybe you could use a little support.
You're staring down the barrel of your first ClosetCon.
So you spied on me?
I mean, you could have given me a call.
And tell you that you're not doing your job?
That would have gone over fine with you.
Why can't we both admit
that we could use each other's help right now?
Are we too proud to even do that?
I'll admit it if you will.
- Will you crack my lobster? - I want to come back to work.
- What?! - Damn it!
Oh, my God. You want to come back to work?
I miss it, okay?
You know how it is when you have closets in your blood.
I'm going crazy in retirement.
Why are you smiling at me like that?
Because we're so similar.
Do you know how many times I've wanted to call you
to ask for your help or advice,
but I was afraid I would look weak?
Here. You crack this.
- Give me that. - I'll open these things.
Well, Dad, what do you think about coming back to work --
I don't know -- one or two days a week?
What I was thinking was, I'd have a staff of five.
- My own building. - What?
And I report to no one.
I'll put a desk in the copy room.
And, by the way, I've known you for a long time.
The last thing you need to worry about is looking weak.
It's not always easy to ask for what you want,
whether it's a little romance...
or a little help...
or a little respect.
- So, I admire you for asking -- - I don't.
We both know why they're asking.
No, you may not use our upstairs apartment for an after party.
You look ravishing, my sweet.
We said no talking.
- Come on. Come on. - I'm thirsty.
-来 再来 -我好渴
I'll tell you when you're thirsty.
Come on. Let me feel that power.
Come on. Make that leather sing!
All right. Come on. Get on your bike.
Back up. Get on your bike. Come on.
退后 上车 快
They can't hit you if they can't reach you.
My pants are falling.
Pull 'em up high to your nipples.
That prevents a low blow.
What's a low blow?
I have to emcee a poetry retrospective tomorrow,
and this shawl collar's got more wrinkles
than last night's "Downton Abbey."