摩登家庭 第七季 Modern Family Season 7 第21集: Crazy Train

上映日期: 2,015

语言: 英语

影片类型: 喜剧

导演: James Alan Hensz

演员: 艾德·奥尼尔 / 索菲娅·维加拉 / 朱丽·鲍温 / 泰·布利尔 / 杰西·泰勒·弗格森 / 艾瑞克·斯通斯崔特 / 萨拉·海蓝德 / 阿芮尔·温特 / 诺兰·古德 / 里克·罗德里格兹 / 奥布里·


台词
Hey, thank you. Here's an Andrew Jackson.
谢谢 这儿有位安德鲁·杰克逊[20美元]
Make a clean set of sheets happen,
给我弄一床干净的被单
I'll introduce you to his twin brother.
我就把你介绍给他双胞胎兄弟
You don't have to do the banter, but what's it cost me?
其实不用非得逗她 不过我又不会少块肉对吧
Manny, it was a great idea to come on the train.
曼尼 坐火车这主意太棒了
Rail is a last bastion of respectable travel
铁路是体面旅行的最后一道堡垒了
now that every airport has become a sweat-pant convention.
现在机场真的是什么样的人都能去了
We are all traveling to Portland
我们全家要去波特兰
because Jay's ex-wife, Dede, is getting remarried.
因为杰的前妻迪迪要再婚了
We're so happy.
我们好开心
For us.
是为我们自己
It means the end of those damn alimony payments,
这意味着我不用再付该死的赡养费了
so I'm gonna make sure Dede goes through with it.
所以我要确保迪迪顺利完婚
It'll be, "I do", "I do", "I'm done".
只要"我愿意""我愿意""结束了"
Dude, how much choice action are we gonna get on this trip?
兄弟 我们这趟火车上得做多少次抉择啊
I'm managing my expectations.
我正在调整我的期待值
Don't you know anything about trains?
你一点也不了解火车吗
Chicks go crazy.
姑娘们都变疯了
The vibrations get them all worked up.
颠簸会让她们兴奋
Also, they're trapped, which is nice.
而且她们无处可去 正好下手
We're just gonna go bang out this toast for Mom.
我们要去写给老妈的祝酒辞
Yeah. Shouldn't have waited till the last minute.
是啊 不能拖到最后再写
It'll be a nice distraction from your motion sickness.
正好可以让你分心 免得晕车
It's good, as long ‭as I'm not facing backwards
没关系 只要火车前进时
when the train is -- Oh, God, no.
我不是背对着...天哪 不行
Lead me.
带我走
All right, I got it.
好 我来吧
There you go. Fixed point.
走吧 固定点
家 庭
摩 登
第七季 第二十一集
Oh, my God, it can't be.
我的天哪 不是吧
What? No, it's not a bald spot.
什么 不是啦 不是秃头啦
I slept on it funny last night.
我昨天晚上没睡好
No. The guy two rows back.
不是啦 两排后的那个家伙
That's Simon Ha--
那是西蒙·黑
Hastings. Oh, my --
黑斯廷斯 我的...
You're a fan of his, too?
你也是他粉丝吗
‭He's my favorite author.
他是我最喜欢的作家
Don't tell Mitchell, but I was so engrossed
别告诉米奇尔 我读他上一本书的时候
in his last book, I didn't feed Lily for a day and a half.
因为太投入 有一天半忘了喂莉莉
Wait a second.
等等
Simon Hastings is the genius behind
西蒙·黑斯廷斯是
the Silverton mystery novels.
《锡尔弗敦》系列悬疑小说的天才作者
"Dismembers Only."
《仅限非会员》
"A Death of Fresh Air."
《新鲜空气之死》
The world has been waiting
全世界等
for the final book of the trilogy
三部曲的最后一部
for almost, what, 10 years?
得有10年了吧
I missed it so much, I took a stab at writing fan fiction.
我太迫不及待了 自己先写了同人小说
What?
什么
I put Silverton in the harrowing world of real estate
我把锡尔弗敦置身于房地产的悲惨世界
with ‭"Open House, Closed Casket."
名字就叫《开放日·密闭之棺》
Goose bumps.
起鸡皮疙瘩了
We hate to bother you, but you are our favorite author.
很抱歉打扰您 但是您是我们最爱的作家
Gentlemen, the words are all out there.
先生们 文字都是现成的
I just arrange them in a financially rewarding way.
我只是按能赚钱的方式排布了一下而已
- Droll. Droll is what it is. - Classic Hastings.
-滑稽 太滑稽了 -典型的黑斯廷斯
That by any chance isn't the --
您现在是在...
the next Silverton novel, is it?
写下一部锡尔弗敦的小说吗
You mean "Locomotive for Murder"?
你们是说《云霄火车杀人事件》吗
Crackerjack.
太妙了
It's not even out yet, and I'm sad about finishing it.
都还没出呢 我已经在为要读完它而伤感了
Well, I hope you won't be disappointed.
希望不会让你们失望
Lovely to meet you.
很高兴认识你们
What's your process?
你一般是怎么写作的
Are the characters ‭just speaking through you?
人物只是通过你说话吗
How important is plot?
情节有多重要呢
Here's an idea -- how would you two like
这样吧 你们安静地坐下来
to sit quietly and read the first chapter?
读一读第一章怎么样
‭What?
什么
- My... ‭- What?
-我的... -什么
- God. ‭- What?
-天哪 -什么
‭Rest assured.
请放心
Your treasure is in good hands.
我们会保护好您的宝贝
We are also members of the artistic community.
我们也是在艺术界混的
Clown.
我是小丑
Magician.
我是魔术师
Nope.
不行
What? We're on a train,
为什么 我们在火车上
and I'm embracing ‭a romantic style of travel.
我在享受这种浪漫的旅行方式啊
I get it, and I love it.
我懂 我爱死了
Wonderful Victorian tea hat.
维多利亚饮茶帽真不错
Thank you. Top-notch travel derby.
谢谢 一流的旅行德比帽
Ma'am. See you at high tea.
女士 下午茶见
He acts like someone with low "T".
他的样子太娘了
Ugh, I forgot my magazines when I was buying gum.
我买口香糖的时候落了我的杂志了
Oh, it's hard to do two things at once.
一心两用实在太难了吧
You got an extra book?
你还有书吗
Well, I'm re-reading "Jane Eyre",
我在重读《简·爱》
but I've got "Anna Karenina" on deck.
但我行李架上还有本《安娜·卡列尼娜》
What you got?
你的是什么
"Hurricane Harriet". It's mostly pictures.
《哈丽特飓风》 基本都是图片
Sold. Move over.
成交 你坐过去
So, what's Harriet's deal?
哈丽特是干嘛的
She's a ditzy girl who causes problems for everyone,
她是个没头没脑的傻姑娘 总给人惹麻烦
but never realizes it.
但自己从来都不知道
Doesn't sound very realistic.
听起来不太现实啊
Ah, do you guys know where the bathroom is?
你们知道厕所在哪儿吗
Oh, back there.
在后面
Isn't it that way?
不是那边吗
Doesn't matter.
没关系啦
First-class ticket, please.
请出示头等座票
I just came looking for the bathroom.
我只是来找厕所的
My ticket is in my seat.
我的票在我的座位上
Do you have any idea how many times a day I hear that?
你知道我每天会听到多少人说这种话吗
Just go back where you came from.
坐回原位[回到自己的国家]去
Go back where I came from?
叫我回去
Okay.
好吧
I see how it is.
我明白了
So, Harriet just sent those people right into a bear cave?
所以哈丽特傻不愣登地把那些人送进熊洞了吗
She never knows what she's doing.
她永远不知道自己在干什么
What an idiot.
好傻啊
Excuse me.
打扰一下
You mind if I sit here?
介意我坐这儿吗
Uh, no.
不啊
You have a beautiful smile.
你的笑容很美
Thanks.
谢谢
They make fun of you for wearing your headgear,
大家都嘲笑我的帽子
but, hey, look at me now.
但是现在看看吧
Tickets?
出示一下票
Oh, yeah.
是啊
Uh, honey, do you have my ticket?
亲爱的 我的票在你那里吗
No.
没有啊
I'm pretty sure I gave you my ticket, babe.
我很肯定我把我的票给你了 宝贝
Sorry, babe. Back to coach.
抱歉 宝贝 回站票车厢去
I forgive you.
我原谅你
Come find me.
来找我
"Mom has always been a free spirit."
老妈一向自由自在无拘无束
"She has also helped to free a lot of spirits from bottles
她也帮忙释放了酒瓶里的冤魂
'cause the woman's a boozehound!" Hello!
因为这女人是个酒鬼 记好咯
Yeah, I'm not gonna put that in.
我不会写这个的
Uh, how about this one?
这个怎么样
"The secret to her chocolate chip cookies
她的巧克力豆饼干的秘诀是
was a dash of salt --"
撒一小撮盐
"And two scoops of crazy because the lady's imbalanced."
和两大勺疯狂 因为这位女士心态失衡
Hello!
记好咯
Claire, this is toast, not a roast.
克莱尔 是要祝福她 不是要苛责她
Are you uncomfortable because, for the first time in your life,
你不舒服是因为这是你这辈子
you have to be the straight man?
第一次要变直[率]了吗
Hello!
记好咯
Saying "Hello" doesn't make mean things funny.
老说"记好咯"也不会让挖苦人的话变有趣的
I like it.
我喜欢
Well, you don't get to decide.
做决定的又不是你
How come you get to decide?
为什么是你
'Cause Mom asked me and not you.
因为妈妈让我说祝酒词 不是你
I included you because I felt bad.
叫你来是因为我有负罪感
That's fine. I don't care.
好吧 我不在乎
You can do it yourself.
你自己搞定吧
- I don't care. - ‭Claire.
-我不在意 -克莱尔
Wait.
等等
Nope.
This is a $20.
给你20块
When my wife shows up later,
待会我妻子来了之后
"Iced tea" means Scotch.
"冰茶"就是威士忌的代号
Grandpa, do you think it's weird
外公 你会不会觉得外婆请你
Nana invited you to her wedding?
参加她的婚礼很奇怪
I think it's the least-weird thing Dede's ever done.
我觉得这是有史以来迪迪做出的最正常的事
Well, if she was so bad, why'd you ever marry her?
如果她那么糟糕 你为什么还娶她
We were young.
我们当时都很年轻
She was cute, but the constant nuttiness of Dede
她很漂亮 但她一直疯个没完
wore me down, robbed me of my will to live.
把我累坏了 简直都不想活了
One day, she pushed me off the edge.
有一天 她把我逼得受不了了
I ran out of the house.
我从家里跑了出来
They found me shirtless in the local fire station.
他们在当地消防局找到了裸身的我
Excuse me.
不好意思
This, uh, Dede ‭that you're speaking of --
你说的这位迪迪
um, is that Dede Pritchett, by chance?
是不是迪迪·普里契特
Do you know her?
你认识她吗
She's marrying my father.
她要嫁的人是我父亲
You're kidding.
不会吧
No. We're traveling to the wedding right now...
真的 我们就是在去婚礼的路上
if there is one.
如果还会有婚礼的话
I've got to call Dad.
我得给爸打个电话
I told you that woman was off.
我早说了那女人不正常
I'm gonna need $18 back.
小费还是改成2块好了
Uh, excuse me.
不好意思
Uh, hi, Mr. Hastings.
你好 海斯廷斯先生
Um, do you know -- have they developed a cure yet?
你知不知道 有没有开发出一种药
For what?
治什么用的
A blown mind -- because we have two of them.
破碎的心灵 因为我们俩的心都爽炸了
‭You're too kind.
你们太好了
- Oh, thank you. - Oh, thank you.
-谢谢 -谢谢
Well, we are just dying to know how the conductor got
我们就是超想知道列车长是怎么
all the way from the front to the back, kill the ambassador,
从车头来到车尾杀了大使
and not be seen?
还不被人发现的
There's an escape hatch in the control room.
控制室有一个应急出口
He climbs up, crawls his way across
他爬上去 从列车顶部
the top of the train to the caboose.
爬到守车
There, his feet firmly planted, thanks to magnetic shoes,
他穿了磁性鞋 双脚牢牢吸在车顶
he hangs down, shoots the ambassador,
他倒挂着身子 向大使开枪
then crawls back the way he came.
再按原路爬了回去
That is so ingenious.
太巧妙了
How does he avoid the video cameras?
他是怎么没被摄像头拍到的
- Yeah. - ‭I beg your pardon.
-对啊 -你说什么
On top of the train.
车顶上的
He's on a train that doesn't have any cameras.
他坐的火车没装摄像头
Oh, no, they all have cameras now -- Big Brother.
现在的火车都有了 老大
I just read an article about it in Rail World,
我刚在《铁路世界》的一篇文章上看到的
the magazine in your seat pocket --
就是你座位口袋里那本杂志
also a great interview with amateur conductor
还看了一篇对业余列车长凡莱丽·柏帝内的采访
Valerie Bertinelli.
写得可好了
Well, if that's true, then the murder isn't possible.
如果这是真的 那谋杀不可能完成
And if the ambassador is still alive,
如果大使还活着
then there's no reason for Silverton to be in Nigeria.
锡尔弗顿就没理由去尼日利亚
And if that's the case, he's not at the coup,
要是这样的话 他就不会参加行动
which means the whole thing doesn't work.
也就是说整件事都行不通了
Dear God, I have no book.
我的上帝 我没法出书了
I have no book!
我没法出书了
Now I wish I hadn't circled the typos.
好后悔我还把错字圈出来了
What are you still doing here? Go find him.
你还在这做什么 去找他呀
I don't know.
我不知道
Come on, it's a better love story
快去啊 这个爱情故事
than the one you're reading.
比你看的要精彩
You're the beautiful, high-class, smart girl,
你美丽 高贵 聪明
and he's the poor boy duct-taping his shoes
而他是个穷小子 跟一群流浪汉
with a bunch of hobos in coach.
以车厢为家
It's a $20 difference.
票价也就差20块
Alex, you got this.
艾丽克斯 你能行的
Trains make guys crazy.
男生为火车疯狂
When were you ever on a train?
你什么时候坐过火车
In Vegas, between my plane and the luggage area.
在拉斯维加斯 我坐火车去取的行李
Stuff went down.
被托运到别的地方去了
Fine. I'll go for it.
好吧 我去了
Oh, wait.
等等
Nope.
别戴帽子
Manny likes hats, doesn't he?
曼尼喜欢戴帽子 对吧
Ooh, someone's still got a crush.
某人还对他有好感哦
I'm not proud of it.
我并不以此为傲
I tried to get past it.
试过要放下的
But, you know, trains.
不过 火车嘛 你懂的
Well, I think you look cute, and I bet he would, too.
我觉得你看着挺可爱的 他应该也会这么想
Hey, pervs.
嘿 小色鬼们
Let me guess -- shoulders tired from striking out so hard?
我猜猜 钓妹子钓得肩膀都酸了吧
It's still early.
时间还早呢
Ooh, I see a dime piece over there.
我看到一枚十分硬币
That means she's a 10.
就是说她是个十分妹子
Yeah. I speak d-bag.
我知道 我也会说暗语
Luke, she's a little old.
卢克 她年纪有点大吧
Hey, Jennifer Lopez is like 90.
詹妮弗·洛佩兹都快90岁了
Doesn't mean I don't pretend she's my pillow every now and then.
我偶尔还会把抱枕想象成她呢
How does he have prospects?
怎么会有妹子看上他呢
If it makes you feel any better,
希望你能好受些
that one's got a big crush on you.
那边的小家伙可喜欢你了
I guess I shouldn't have been surprised.
我并该感到不意外
I've always sensed a little heat from Alex.
我总能感觉到艾丽克斯对我的些许热情
A woman doesn't compliment a man on his hat
女人要是不想钻进男人的外套
unless she wants to get into his blazer.
怎么会称赞他的帽子呢
Peace offering?
和好吧
Thank you.
多谢
Look, I'm sorry I told you
听着 很抱歉我跟你说
that Mom picked me ‭for the toast and not you.
妈妈选我致祝酒词而不是你
It's just that
我只是觉得
I've always had a special relationship with her.
我和她一直有一种很特殊的联系
Sure, like the one between a witch and her flying monkey.
当然了 就像女巫和飞猴的关系一样
Don't do that.
别这样
Don't use "The Wizard of Oz" against me.
别用《绿野仙踪》酸我
Mom manipulates you.
妈妈爱摆布你
She uses you against the rest of us.
她利用你来对付我们其他人
I have no idea ‭what you're talking about.
真不知道你在说什么
Oh, God, if only I could think of an example.
天 我想个例子
Oh, wait, here's one of 30.
等等 这是三十个例子之一
She blew off Alex's graduation, but she didn't tell us.
她翘了艾丽克斯的毕业典礼却没告诉我们
She made you do it
她逼你来说
so we would all dump on you instead of her.
这样我们所有人就都会指责你而不是她
And now she bans me from giving a toast,
这次她不让我致祝酒词
and we're fighting about it.
我们俩却在为此争执
Come on. She's using you like a human shield.
得了吧 她把你当肉盾利用
Does that seem like a healthy relationship?
这算是健康的关系吗
Why don't you give that some thought
好好想想吧
while you're getting me a refill?
顺便再给我倒一杯来
When did you even drink that?
你什么时候喝光的
You've been talking the whole time.
明明一直在说话
Fine. I don't get anything.
好吧 根本没信号
No... ‭Hey, pal.
别 伙计
Before you call your dad,
先别给你爸打电话
what I was saying about Dede
我刚才关于迪迪的言论
was me just covering up because I lost
只是在掩饰而已 因为我失去了
the greatest, most stable person I've ever known.
最美好 最持重的人
But you seemed so angry.
可你看上去很生气
It's because I can't get over her.
因为我放不下她
I've tried everything --
我试了所有方法
therapy, pills, electricity.
理疗 吃药 电击
I'm sorry.
对不起
It's just that I miss her so much.
我只是太想她了
I-I'm gonna see ‭the luckiest man in the world
我将见到世界上最幸运的男人
marry the most wonderful woman in the world,
迎娶世界上最美好的女人
and I have nobody.
而我却孤身一人
Excuse me, sir.
不好意思 先生
This woman says she's your wife.
这位女士说她是你妻子
Never seen her before.
我不认识她
But here's someone I do know -- my son, Mitchell.
但我认识这位 我儿子 米奇尔
Mitchell and Dede are great pals.
米奇尔和迪迪是密友
Tell these lovely folks about your mother.
给这些朋友介绍一下你妈妈
She's a scheming dragon woman
她是个腹黑的女魔头
hell-bent on destroying everyone around her.
拼命摧毁她身边的所有人
You pick today to realize that?!
你一定要选在今天觉悟吗
You're welcome.
不客气
I finally got him to see Mom
我终于让他看清了
for who she really is -- a nasty, old nutjob.
妈妈真正的样子 险恶的老疯子
But she's someone else's problem now, huh?
但她现在是其他人的烦恼了
Wait a minute. You know what?
等一下 你知道吗
I don't know these people, either.
我也不认识这些人
Let's go. Excuse me.
走吧 失陪
Pardon us.
失陪
Hi. I'm Haley.
你好 我叫海莉
Pleasure. I'm a massive fraud.
很高兴见到你 我是个大骗子
Sounds like you need a drink.
听起来你需要喝一杯
I'm not sure that's a good idea.
我不觉得那是个好主意
I used to have something of a...
我以前会用...
Oh, come on. ‭I feel weird drinking alone.
来嘛 我觉得一个人喝很奇怪
I don't. I just wanted him to pay.
我不觉得 我只是想让他买单
The last time I was this bladdered,
上一次我喝那么醉的时候
I parked my fist right in Salman Rushdie's smug gob.
我暴揍了萨曼·拉什迪那个自命不凡的家伙
Do you know Adele?
你知道阿黛尔吗
- There he is. - Hey. Just checking in. Hi.
-他在这里 -过来看一眼
Ooh, celebrating solving your problem?
在庆祝自己解决了难题吗
After 10 years of paralyzing writer's block,
在才思枯竭中煎熬了十年之后
I at last felt that I was drinking
我以为自己终于能够
directly from the teat of the muse.
直接获得灵感缪斯的哺育
But she was no muse.
但她不是缪斯
She was a succubus.
她是妖魔
Such a gift for language.
真有语言天分
At the next stop, I'm going to burn this book.
在下一站 我就要烧掉这本书
That is bad-ass.
太有种了
No! What?
不 什么
Yes. It will be the last act of my career.
是的 这将会是我职业生涯的最后一笔
Well, not counting the panel discussion in Portland.
别算上在波特兰的专题讨论会
It would be rude to cancel.
取消掉就太无礼了
There's a wine-and-cheese reception.
招待会上有葡萄酒和奶酪
You have to finish.
你必须写完它
What if we proved it could happen?
如果我们能证明它可行呢
Maybe there's another way
也许还有别的方法
for the murderer to get to the caboose and back.
能让杀人犯去到最后一节车厢再回来
I've filled the train with characters
火车上全都是
who cannot know that the engineer has left his post.
无法知道工程师留下邮件的角色
It's hopeless!
没有希望了
Wait. Did we just stop?
等等 我们停下来了吗
- No. I don't think so. - No. Mnh-mnh.
-不 我不觉得 -没有
Look how beautiful California is.
看看加利福尼亚多美呀
The best part about taking the train,
乘坐火车最美妙的地方
as I often do for my work with, uh, the children,
就像我常常跟 孩子们说的一样
has got to be the scenery.
就是风景了
Yeah?
是吗
What's your favorite spot?
你最喜欢的景点是哪里
Well, I'd have to say the spot where, uh...
我觉得必须是...
the Rio Grande pours into Lake Superior.
格兰德河倾入苏必利尔湖的景色
Huh. I don't think I've seen that.
我好像没见过
Can you excuse me for just a pinch?
能容许我失陪一小会吗
Sure.
当然
What are you doing?
你在干嘛
Getting swollen ‭'cause that's how you close.
让自己变得丰盈 那样才能更进一步
Oh, by the way,
顺便说一句
if you see a tie on our door, Luke's starting to score.
要是一条领带挂在门前 那就是卢克开始得分了
It's a little hard ‭to root for you right now.
现在就为你加油有点困难
So, where were we?
我们说到哪了
Is this your first time seeing the Central Coast, Big Sur?
这是你第一次来大苏尔海岸线吗
No, it's not, little miss.
不 不是的 小姐
I can't wait to watch the sunset over the Andes tonight.
我等不及要观赏今晚安第斯山脉上的日落了
Not like my view right now isn't fantastic.
虽然现在我面前的景色也很秀美
You're cute.
你很可爱
You know, if you're into it,
如果你喜欢
I think I could show you a few things.
我想我可以给你看点东西
Uh... ‭It's a little loud in here.
这里有点吵
Maybe we should go somewhere more quiet.
也许我们该去个安静的地方
Sure.
没问题
Really?
真的吗
Trains.
火车
You're so serious.
你很专注
I want to make sure I capture your beauty.
我想尽可能地画出你的美
Can I see yet?
我可以看看吗
I hope you like it.
希望你喜欢
So, he's not an artist. Who cares?
他不是艺术家 谁在乎呢
People in first class think they have it made
头等舱的人以为
with their early boarding and their slightly cleaner seats.
提早登舱和稍稍干净一点的座位就代表着成功
But they don't know what living is.
但他们不懂生活
下九子棋不抢中心不是傻就是恋爱了
I'll take a long line for the bathroom
我愿为上卫生间排长队
if that bathroom is in heaven.
如果那卫生间在天堂
I'm so glad you came back here.
很高兴你能来这里
Me too.
我也是
This feels weird.
感觉很奇怪
Do you have a compartment?
你有包间吗
I do, but how will you get up there?
我有 但你要怎么过来呢
I'll find a way.
我会有办法的
I promise.
我答应你
Oh, by the way, I'm in compartment 18B,
另外 我在18B间
as in, "Boy, are you cute."
也就是"男孩你太可爱了"
Idiot. Just keep walking.
我真是傻 快走吧
Got it.
可以了
I have a signal.
我有信号了
- Oh, good. - Guys, guys, guys, come on.
-太好了 -各位 各位 别这样
The only signal we need is this.
我们唯一需要的信号是这个
My kids in the back -- they don't hate Dede.
我的孩子们 他们并不讨厌迪迪
They're preparing a roast for the wedding.
他们在为婚礼准备烧烤
That's how our family shows love.
那是我们家表达爱的方式
You'll get a taste of it at the reception.
你们会在宴会上尝到的
What are you, Italian?
你们是哪国人 意大利吗
We'll do a whole thing,
我们会做全套的
unless you shoot the place up first.
除非你们学《教父》扫射现场
Oh. ‭See? That kind of stuff.
看到没 就是这样
Jay Pritchett, I am going to strangle you!
杰·普里契特 我要掐死你
I don't know why you're pretending
我不知道为什么你假装
that you don't know me,
你不认识我
but I'm sure it's for some stupid and selfish reason!
但我敢肯定你是为了什么愚蠢又自私的理由
She really is your wife?
她真的是你妻子吗
For now.
暂时是
Pretty soon, you're gonna be getting on a train
很快 你就会坐上一辆
to my next wedding.
开往我下场婚礼的列车
You're driving me insane.
你快逼疯我了
Oh, I see what's going on.
我懂了
Don't listen to her.
别听她的
Dede's not crazy. You are.
迪迪并没有疯 你疯了
Sure. That works.
当然 也可以
Who are you?
你是谁
Oh, I'm Carl.
我是卡尔
Uh, my father's marrying Dede.
我父亲要跟迪迪结婚
Yes, he is, and let's celebrate.
是的 他要结婚 一起庆祝吧
Drinks on me.
喝什么我买单
What the heck.
没关系了
And, again, I'm sorry to have worried you guys about Dede.
再次 很抱歉我让你们担心迪迪的事
Oh, please.
别这样
It's not like Carl's father is such a prize.
卡尔的爸爸也不是什么善茬
What?
怎么了
He snapped and burned your mom's house down.
他打砸抢烧了你妈妈的房子
She's kidding.
她在开玩笑
Uh, we're doing a roast, too.
我们也准备了烧烤
Yeah, right. Your mother was almost a roast.
是啊 你妈妈就差点变烧猪了
We needed to prove ‭that the crime was feasible,
我们要证明这场犯罪是可行的
so I would play the role of engineer/murderer.
所以我要假扮工程师兼杀人犯的角色
And I would play the role of everyone else.
而我要假扮其他所有人的角色
When my hometown theater's production of "Robin Hood"
我家乡剧院出品的《罗宾汉》
was lacking a leading lady, I stepped into the role
缺女主演的时候 我除了扮演修士
of Maid Marian in addition to playing the Friar.
还顺带出演了一下女仆玛丽安的角色
- Tuck? - ‭Didn't have to.
-塔克吗 -其实本没有必要
The costume hid it quite nicely.
戏服掩饰得很好
Sunday dinner!
我周日了狗了
What?!
什么
The Turkish ambassador's bodyguard
那个土耳其大使的保镖
was instructed to neutralize anyone who looks suspicious.
得到命令要干掉所有可疑人员
[土耳其语]
What?
什么
It's Turkish for "From the top."
土耳其语 从头开始的意思
I have a lot of downtime while you're resetting.
你回来前我实在是太无聊了
Woof!
Did you forget Count Maxim du Vernay
难道你忘了马克西姆·杜维纳伯爵
brought his service Shar-pei?
带了他的沙皮犬吗
If I'm being honest, I skimmed that part.
说实话 那部分我没读
Again!
重来
Hi. You ready for me?
你好 准备好了吗
I believe I've Googled everything I need to know.
我自认为已经查了所有该知道的东西
So, let's get started.
那我们就开始吧
This is California.
这是加利福尼亚
Lake Superior is here, all the way across --
苏必利尔湖在这里 横跨...
Are you trying to take off my shoe?
你在脱我的鞋吗
I thought you wanted to show me things.
我以为你想给我看什么东西
I do.
是啊
I'm a geography teacher, and, boy, do you need one.
我是个地理老师 孩子 你真需要补补课了
Are you kidding me?
开什么玩笑
If her new husband is an arsonist,
如果她的新丈夫是个纵火犯
you guys have to tell her.
那你们必须告诉她
Everybody, calm down. The guy burned down one house.
各位 冷静点 那家伙烧过一座房子
He's not in jail, so he's got the government's A-okay.
他没进监狱 说明他在政府有人
I recently discovered I have some issues with Mom,
我最近发觉妈妈有点问题
but I love her.
但我爱她
I don't want her to wake up in a burning house
我不希望她在一所燃烧的房子里醒来
just so you don't have to pay alimony.
尽管她婚后你就不用再付赡养费了
I love Mom, too... usually.
我也爱妈妈 通常情况下
But if this wedding doesn't happen,
但如果婚礼取消
you know where she's gonna end up in 10 years --
你知道未来十年她会去哪
su casa or...my...casa.
不是你家就是我家
Besides, the first wife obviously drove the guy nuts.
而且 他的第一任妻子令他发了疯
How do we know your mother's gonna --
我们怎么知道你母亲...
Oh, geez.
老天
Luke, you're such a quick learner.
卢克 你学得可真快
Thanks. I had no idea that was there.
谢谢 我原来不知道这地方就在那儿
Come in.
请进
Is that you?
是你吗
I'll be out in a second.
我马上就出来
This is so naughty.
真是太淘气了
I was going to see Alex and let her down easy.
我打算去见艾丽克斯 劝她放弃
I mean, she's family. It's taboo.
她是我的家人 这是乱伦
I'm sorry.
对不起
I shouldn't be judgy, especially when, you know, trains.
我不该评头论足的 尤其是在火车上
Ooh. Dark. I like it.
真黑 我喜欢
I-I was going to let you down!
我是来拒绝你的[失去性致]
You sure did!
你做到了
Well, your hat was garish.
你的帽子太显眼了
Excuse me.
请问
Have any of you guys seen the guy
你们中是否有人看见
I was dancing with earlier?
刚才跟我一起跳舞的人
So, it turns out James got off right after I left him.
结果是 我离开后詹姆斯就下车了
On a possibly unrelated note, my wallet is gone.
说句题外话 我的钱包不见了
Trains.
火车
Mr. Hastings, we did it.
黑斯廷斯先生 我们做到了
We made it to the caboose and back without being seen.
我们到了厨房又回来了 没被别人发现
Your book works.
你设计的情节是可行的
I can't believe it. Are you sure?
真不敢相信 你们确定吗
- Yes! ‭- Yes. It's a combination ‭of slithering, clever disguise,
-是的 -是的 结合了渺小 智慧和伪装
and not to write the book for you,
不是对您的写作提什么建议
but it would help if the Count had a wooden hand.
但如果伯爵有只义肢 会很有帮助的
Well, I was sort of in that area anyway.
我也正有此意
A thousand thank-yous.
真是万分感谢
Silverton lives!
锡尔弗敦活下来了
‭Yay!
太棒了
Oh, you guys are doing that book thing, right?
你们几个在研究书的事吧
- Yeah. - ‭Well, I don't know if this helps at all,
-是啊 -不知道是否能帮上忙
but I was just talking to the engineer.
不过刚才我跟司机谈过
It turns out ‭he can't leave the controls
结果是 他不能离开驾驶室
because of what's called a dead man's switch.
因为那个叫驾驶失知制动装置的东西
If he takes his foot off of it, the whole train stops.
如果他离开那里 整辆火车就会停下来
Anyway, you're welcome.
不用谢我
If the engineer can't leave the controls, then...
如果司机不能离开驾驶室 那么...
He can't commit the murder.
他就不能实施谋杀
It's over.
结束了
Hastings, we are so sorry.
黑斯廷斯 我们很抱歉
It's time to rid myself
是时候摆脱这
of this 500-hundred page stain.
五百页的废纸了
Wait! No! ‭No, no, no, no!
等等 不要
- No! ‭No, no! - Open, damn you!
-不 不要 -该死 怎么打不开
Wait! ‭Wait!
等等
Is that the back of the train?
那是火车尾吗
Yep. This is the famous horseshoe turn.
没错 这就是著名的"马蹄转角"
Only two of them in the continental United States,
在美国境内只有两处
one of which is here in California,
其中一处就是在加利福尼亚
which is in North America.
而加利福尼亚在北美
Sadly, I know all of this now.
呜呼哀哉 现在我都知道了
That's it.
就是这
The engineer -- he never has to leave the controls.
司机从没离开驾驶室
He waits for the horseshoe turn.
他等到了马蹄转角
Then he plugs the Earl in the caboose.
就把伯爵一枪干死在最后一节车厢里
I heard it.
听起来有点怪
This is brilliant!
这简直太秒了
I can't believe you two clowns have saved my book.
真不敢相信你们两个小丑救了我的书
Actually, it's just one clown.
其实 只有我是小丑
One magician.
我是魔术师
- Hey, Mom! Hi! - ‭Hi, Mom!
-老妈 -好啊 老妈
Well, hello, original family.
原有的家人们 你们好
Dede, we have something we have to tell you.
迪迪 我们有事要告诉你
Now, I know there's a delicate way to say this.
我知道有更委婉的方式可以用
Just can't think of it.
只不过我没去想
Your fiancé's a pyro.
你的未婚夫是个纵火犯
He burnt down his ex-wife's house.
他烧了他前妻的房子
It's just like you three to try to ruin my big day.
你们三个就想毁了我的好日子
Mom, we just thought you should know.
妈妈 我们认为你应该知道
Jerry told me everything.
杰瑞什么都告诉我了
Trust me. She had it coming.
相信我 那个女人罪有应得
The woman's "Cah-razy."
那女人是个疯子
So, you're okay he's a firebug?
所以你不介意他是个纵火犯吗
He's passionate, Jay.
他充满激情 杰
He knows how to express his feelings, unlike you.
他知道该怎么宣泄自己的情感 不像你
Maybe if you had burned our house down,
如果你也能烧了我们的房子
we'd still be together.
或许我们现在还在一起
My mistake. You're right, Dede.
是我的错 你说得对 迪迪
Great, Mom. See you at the wedding.
很好 妈妈 婚礼上见
Bye. Claire, you're not mad at me
再见 克莱尔 我为你安排的座位
about your seating arrangements?
你不会生气吧
Why? Where am I sitting?
为什么生气 我坐在哪里
Mitchell, tell her.
米奇尔 你来告诉她
Got to run.
我挂了
You're not sitting at the family table.
你不会坐在家人桌上
Hello!
记好咯
Phil sent me his Silverton fan fiction,
菲尔寄给我他的锡尔弗敦同人小说
"Open House, Closed Casket."
《开放日·密闭之棺》
"He looked up at the pristine crown molding
他抬头看见这伟大房间中
in the great room and felt the breeze
原本的天花板线 呼吸到
of the recently updated central air.
刚修缮过的中央空调中排放出的空气
'Mrs. Coruthers, just as this desirable corner lot
克拉泽斯夫人 在这令人向往的小房里
was split in half, so, too, is Mr. Coruthers.'
被劈成两半了 克拉泽斯先生亦是如此
The widow gasped and steadied herself
寡妇喘着气靠在
on the granite kitchen island, a fitting metaphor
花岗岩厨房岛旁 恰如其分地表现出
for how alone she felt, despite being walking distance
她内心的孤独感 尽管她正路过
to a vibrant shopping district and wonderful schools."
生机勃勃的商业区和优秀的学校
I've been avoiding him for the last two weeks.
这两周我一直在躲着他
Don't answer that!
别接电话