摩登家庭 第七季 Modern Family Season 7 第5集: 审判 The Verdict

上映日期: 2,015

语言: 英语

影片类型: 喜剧

导演: James Alan Hensz

演员: 艾德·奥尼尔 / 索菲娅·维加拉 / 朱丽·鲍温 / 泰·布利尔 / 杰西·泰勒·弗格森 / 艾瑞克·斯通斯崔特 / 萨拉·海蓝德 / 阿芮尔·温特 / 诺兰·古德 / 里克·罗德里格兹 / 奥布里·


台词
Honey, would you buy a closet called --
亲爱的 你会买一款叫做...
I am waiting to see if I get to go tomorrow.
我在等通知 看我明天能不能去
Jury duty. You know, you can just throw that away.
陪审员义务 其实你可以直接把电话扔在一边
There's no way they can ever tell you got it.
那样他们就无法通知你你被选中了
Jay, you're a bad American.
杰 你是不合格的美国人
It is a privilege to serve on a jury.
能在陪审团发挥作用是一种荣耀
For the first time, I get to be part of it.
我有史以来第一次可以参与了
Talk to me when you're eating
等你吃着从自动售货机买来的
a tuna sandwich out of a machine.
金枪鱼三明治再跟我说这话吧
Anyway, it's a distressed-oak model that I like to call --
总之 那款是浮雕橡木材质 我想取名为...
Wait, wait! Wait!
等等 等等 等着
I'm in!
我被选中了
8:00 a.m. tomorrow. Parking structure "C"!
明早8点 C区停车楼
You're excited about a parking structure?
你对停车楼感到很激动吗
It's not even "A" or "B."
连A区或B区都不是
You're gonna have to take my place working at Joe's school.
你得接替我去乔的学校做伴护
I can't do that. I have a job.
我做不到啊 我有工作的
Have Claire cover for you.
让克莱尔帮你顶着
She knows how to yell at people and read the newspaper.
她知道怎么吼员工 看报纸
What the hell's wrong with that school?
那学校是有什么毛病啊
Aren't we paying them so we don't have to take care of our kid?
我们付他们钱 不就是为了不用亲自照顾孩子吗
That's not the way it works at the learning barn.
学习谷仓不是这种制度
You know that they want the parents to be involved
他们希望家长也能参与进来
so that they can bond with the kids.
那样就能增进跟孩子的感情
What's wrong with schools today?
这年头的学校是发什么神经啊
I'm successful,
我现在很成功
and I had a nun with a mustache.
我当年的老师不过就是个长胡子的修女
Well, you better get used to going there,
你最好习惯到那里去
Because if I get put into a murder trial,
因为如果我参审[卷入]的是件谋杀案
I could be gone for weeks.
我可能得去[进牢]好几周呢
Maybe I should tell them
或许我该告诉他们
that I have experience on a firing squad.
我有在枪决队的经验
Why do you say crazy stuff like that?
你为什么要说这种疯话啊
Now, that isn't true, is it?
那不是真的 对吧
Wait a second.
等等
That new closet, what did I say it was called?
那款新衣柜 我刚刚说叫什么来着
You never said.
你没说出来
Damn it!
该死的
That's why I need a grease pencil in the shower.
我洗澡时非得要放支油性铅笔在旁边
家 庭
摩 登
第七季 第五集
Oh, I don't know, Haley.
我也说不清 海莉
I mean, he is really cute and really smart and really funny,
他很帅 很聪明 也很幽默
But, oh, he's always wearing clogs.
但是 他总是穿木底鞋
No, no.
不 不行
If he is not a chef, a nurse, or a tulip salesman,
如果他不是个大厨 护士或是郁金香销售员
you need to run.
你得赶紧躲开
If your mother had that attitude about a man in clogs,
如果你妈对穿木底鞋的男人也是这种态度
you two wouldn't have a dad.
你们俩就不会有我这亲爹了
Okay, thanks, Dad. I won't let you down.
好的 谢谢 老爸 我不会让你失望的
Bye.
再见
Guess what, guys.
猜猜怎么着 各位
I am going to be the big boss at work tomorrow,
明天我会暂时充当公司的老大
And coincidentally, it's take your daughter to work day.
巧的是 明天恰好是"带女儿去公司日"
I'll go to work with you, Mom.
我可以跟你一起去公司 老妈
Stop trying to get out of community service.
别想逃避社区服务了
You need those hours to graduate.
你需要攒够足够时间才能毕业
And you're not a daughter.
再说你又不是女儿身
Mom, Dad, sit down.
老妈 老爸 坐下
There's something I need to talk to you about.
我有件事要告诉你们
You're going.
你必须去
So, girls, what do you say?
姑娘们 你们意下如何
You know we're not 8, and I have a job.
我们又不是八岁小孩了 我还是有工作的人
You called in sick twice last week because you had a zit.
你上周因为长了青春痘 就请了两次病假
I work in fashion. They told me not to come in.
我是在时尚行业工作的 他们叫我别去的
Alex, honey,
艾丽克斯 宝贝
your last class tomorrow is at 10:00 a.m.,
你明天最后一节课是上午10点
- No, no, no, no! -So, if you hit the road
-不 不 不 -如果你早点出发
Haley, quick, close the laptop!
海莉 快把电脑合上
Until now, I was always a full-time mom,
在此之前 我一直是个全职妈妈
So the girls never had a chance to see the other side of me --
所以女儿们一直没能看到我的另一面
You know, powerful woman in charge.
就是 强势的女高层
Yeah, 'cause we never get to see your tough side.
是啊 我们从"没机会"看到你强势的一面呢
Come on, Daddy, we're gonna be late for your work.
快点 大爸 你工作要迟到了
I know. I'm excited, too.
我知道 我也很激动
Okay, I was wrong.
好吧 我错了
The whistles aren't better outside.
在外吹口哨并没有好一些
Are you sure you can get all these groceries home by yourself?
你确定你一个人可以把这些杂货都弄回家吗
I don't know. I'm kind of scared.
我不知道 我有点害怕
I've never driven groceries home before.
我以前从未开车载过杂货回家呢
Hey, you guys.
你们好啊
Ray-- Raymond?
雷 雷蒙德
Hi. Oh, it's been so long.
你好啊 好久不见
Yeah. Haven't seen you since, you know.
是啊 自从那事后 就没见过你们了
Yeah.
是啊
Raymond and J'marcus broke up three months ago,
雷蒙德和杰马库斯三个月前分手了
And they'd been together almost as long as we have.
他们在一起的时间和我们差不多
J'marcus got all the friends,
杰马库斯继续和原来的朋友交往着
And Raymond got all the confidence to go shopping in his pajamas.
而雷蒙德沦落到穿着睡衣去购物
You guys having a party?
你们要办派对吗
- No, no. Party? - No, not a party.
-不 什么派对 -不 不是办派对
Olive medley, square napkins, cracker trio.
橄榄杂烩 方巾 三式饼干
well, these things are just more for a --
这些东西只是为了...
What would you say?
你觉得该怎么说好呢
Kind of like a get-together?
小聚吗
Get-together, get-together. It's a last-minute thing.
小聚 小聚 是临时决定的
It's no big deal.
没什么的
Sounds fun.
听上去很有趣
- No, it's not gonna be fun. - No. It's crackers.
-不 很无趣的 -是啊 就饼干嘛
It's supposed to rain.
到时候会下雨的
I'll see you guys.
那再见了
- Yes. - You, too, Raymond.
-好 -回见了 雷蒙德
- Bye-bye. - Take care of yourself.
-再见 -照顾好自己
That was close.
刚刚好险啊
I thought we were gonna have to invite him.
我以为我们不得不邀请他了呢
Raymond, you should come tonight.
雷蒙德 你今晚也该来的
Really?
真的吗
It wouldn't be a get-together without Raymond.
没有雷蒙德 算什么小聚啊
- Right, Cam? - Absolutely.
-对吧 小卡 -绝对的
Yeah. Oh, you know what? But...
是啊 但是你知道吗 那个...
I should tell you, J'marcus is gonna be there.
我得提醒你一下 杰马库斯也会去的
So, if that's gonna be uncomfortable,
所以如果你觉得那样很尴尬
we totally understand.
我们完全理解的
No, it's fine. I'll be there.
不 没事 我会去的
It'll be nice to see J'marcus again.
能再次见到杰马库斯也挺好的
Maybe he'll bring one of those shirtless ab sluts
或许他会带一个裸上身的腹肌婊过去
I've seen on his facebook page.
我在他脸书上都看到了
- I'll see you guys. - Yeah. Yeah, see ya.
-回见 -好的 回见
Okay. Look forward to it.
好的 我很期待
- you, too. - Yeah.
-回见 -好的
What was I supposed to do?
我能怎么做啊
I mean, he was all sad and pathetic and broken.
他那么伤心 可悲 心碎
Well, yes, the perfect addition to any party.
是啊 任何派对都需要这样一个人呢
They are gonna be at each other's throats
他们一定会撕逼撕得天昏地暗
and ruin the whole night. Come on, Lily.
毁了整个晚上 走吧 莉莉
Thanks to you, we are throwing
都怪你 这次的派对
the antisocial event of the season.
肯定是这个社交季最反社会的
- Cam. - No, I'm late and I'd like to leave on that.
-小卡 -不 先不说了 我要迟到了
学习谷仓
Hi. I'm -- I'm here.
你好 我来了
Well, this is a special treat.
真是惊喜啊
I spy with my little eye a first-time volunteer!
我竟然看到了一位第一次出现的志愿者
Gloria had jury duty,
歌洛莉亚要去做陪审团
so no chance I could get out of this
所以我能假装种族歧视
by pretending to be racist?
不来做志愿者吗
Anyway, uh... what do you need?
总之 你要我做什么
You can set up the paints, make the kale smoothies,
你可以准备颜料 做甘蓝冰沙
and wipe down the rabbit hutch.
然后把兔笼擦干净
On it. Margaret?
知道了 玛格丽特
Paint, smoothies, hutch.
画笔 冰沙 笼子
Got it.
知道了
Excuse me. Who's this?
不好意思 这位是谁
That's Margaret, my assistant.
她是玛格丽特 我的助理
I couldn't have children.
我没法有小孩
This is not how it works with parent volunteers.
父母志愿者不应该是这样的
You're already playing fast and loose
你对于"志愿者"的态度已经很随便了
with that term "volunteer," so...what do you say?
所以你想怎么样
As much as we don't like to use the word "No" --
虽然我们不喜欢用"不"这个字
And, by the way, if any of these little tykes start acting up,
而且 如果这些小崽子们敢乱来
she's not afraid to get out the wooden spoon.
她可是有一百种方法让他们安生下来
Jay, I know it's a little scary,
杰 我知道你怕怕
but you're going to have to let her go.
但你必须得让她走
I don't want her to go.
我不想让她走
Margaret, just go. I'll distract him.
玛格丽特 走吧 我来吸引他的注意力
Come back.
回来
Margaret, don't turn around.
玛格丽特 不要回头
Okay, men.
好吧 各位
Gather 'round.
都过来
Teachable moment.
教学时间
Don't think of community service as a requirement.
不要把社区服务当成一种要求
Think of cleaning up this park as an opportunity.
把清洁这座公园当成一个机会
To get hepatitis?
得肝炎的机会吗
To make the world a better place.
让世界更美好的机会
That's why I'm here.
所以我才来的
I already did my required hours.
我已经做完我该做的时间了
That's a fancy way of saying you're a virgin.
用这种方式表明你还是处男挺酷炫的
Joke all you want, but this looks good on an application to NYU
随便你们开玩笑 但这种经历在申请纽约大学
or UCLA or KFC.
加州大学洛杉矶分校或肯德基时会很有用
Okay, stop trash-talking and start trash picking...up.
好吧 别说废话了 开始捡垃圾吧
I-I'll get that.
我一会儿就来
There he is.
是你啊
You.
你好啊
How long's it been, Mr. Real estate?
有多久没见了 房地产先生
Well, you tell me, Mr. You.
你说呢 这位先生
I'm usually really good with names and faces,
我通常很擅长记名字和脸
but I could not remember who this guy was.
可我不记得这个人是谁了
Fortunately, I found that one perfectly worded question
幸好 我知道一个好问题
can get you all the information you need.
能让你知道想要的所有信息
How's things?
一切都好吗
Good.
很好
How's the beautiful wife?
你美丽的妻子近来如何
Claire's great. Yeah.
克莱尔过得很好
Thank you so much for asking.
多谢你的问候
How's... how's your situation?
那 那你怎么样啊
You know, same old, same old.
你知道的 老样子
Actually, I'm glad I'm running into you like this.
实际上 这个时候遇到你我很高兴
My car just got towed,
我的车刚被拖走了
and my wallet and cellphone were in there.
我的钱包和手机都在里面
Could you possibly lend me some money for cab fare or...
你能借我点钱打的吗
Yes.
- Thanks. - Of course.
-多谢 -没事
How's, uh, $40 with a little extra
给你四十块外加一点零钱
in case you run into trouble?
以防万一 如何
I want to make sure you get back to your house in, uh --
我希望你能来得及赶回家
Time for dinner, I hope.
希望赶得上吃晚饭
Thanks, man. You're the best.
多谢了 哥们儿 你最棒了
Hey, Dad.
老爸
Oh, my god.
天哪
Last time I saw you, you were so small.
我上次见你的时候 你才这么点大
I better run. Thanks, pal.
我得走了 多谢 朋友
All right, buddy. Good to see you.
是啊 伙计 见到你真好
Dad.
老爸
That guy just scammed you.
那个人刚把你骗了
No, he didn't.
不 他没有
It's a classic scam.
这是经典的诈骗方式
You pretend you know someone and then borrow money.
假装认识对方然后借钱
Okay.
好吧
Men, gather 'round. Teachable mome-- hey.
大家围过来 教学时刻
Just -- a circle. Gather means a circle.
围成一个圈 过来的意思是围成圈
What did you just see?
你们刚刚看到了什么
A squirrel eating a band-aid.
小松鼠在吃创可贴
No. You saw a man helping out a friend in need.
不 你们看到了一个人对朋友伸出援手
If he was your friend, what's his name?
如果他是你朋友 那他叫什么
That slipped my mind.
只是突然想不起来了
Did you recognize him at all?
你认得他的样子吗
Gentlemen, don't be cynics like Luke.
先生们 不要像卢克把别人都看扁
Don't let your skinny jeans cut off the blood to your hearts.
不要让你们的紧身牛仔裤限制了良心供血
I'm with you, Phil.
我支持你 菲尔
I choose to believe in the goodness of men.
我相信人性本善
You have a condom stuck to your shoe.
你鞋子上沾着一个套套
Defense also has no objection to juror 14.
被告对14号陪审员所言无异议
Moving on, juror 15.
继续 15号陪审员
Here. Ask me anything. I am an American.
来吧 随便问 我是美国人
All right.
好吧
When someone hires a lawyer,
如果有人请了律师
do you think they're more likely to be guilty?
你觉得他们更可能有罪吗
No.
Thank you.
谢谢
When they play with their hair like he is,
如果他们像他那样玩头发
that's when I know that they're guilty.
那我就知道他们有罪了
Your honor, we request dismissal of juror 15.
法官大人 我们请求免职15号陪审员
Why? I'm very good at reading people.
为什么 我很擅长解读人性
He is guilty.
他有罪
And, by the way, so is the guy that is behind him.
另外 他后面那个男人也是
He's not even on trial.
他都没有受审
Well, then he should be.
那他应该受审
I don't know what you did, but you did it!
我不知道你做了什么 但你肯定做了
Your honor.
法官大人
He's getting away.
他溜了
Juror 15, you are dismissed.
15号陪审员 你被免职了
Ay! No, please, your excellency.
不 求你了 法官阁下
I just want to do my part as a citizen.
我只是想履行公民义务
Lady, you can stop acting crazy. You got out.
女士 请不要犯傻了 出去
Ladies, right this way. Come on in.
姑娘们 这边 请进
Oh, you're in grandpa's office?
你在外公的办公室里工作吗
Yeah. Of course I am.
当然了
It's no big deal. I'm in here all the time.
这没什么 我一直在这里
I mean, practically every day at this...this point.
基本上 每天的这个时间都在
This is...
这个
It's not usually such a...thing.
这椅子平常不是这样的
There we go. Have a seat.
好了 你们坐吧
Does that guy with the tattoos still work on the loading docks?
身上有纹身的那个人还在装卸货车间工作吗
When I was 15, he gave me my first catcall.
我十五岁的时候 我第一次被人嘘就是他
Pretty sure that was his last day.
那天应该是他最后一天上班
where's Jay?
杰呢
He's not here, but I'm filling in.
他不在 今天我代班
What can I do you for?
有事吗
I'll ask him tomorrow.
我明天再来
Are you sure?
你确定
Men are often intimidated by a strong, powerful woman.
男人总是被强势的女人吓到
Jay around?
杰在吗
No, he's not.
他不在
Oh, damn it.
糟了
Captain's chair is not empty.
可是掌控大局的人还在
I'm here. Let me help you.
让我来帮你吧
- Seriously? - Seriously, huh?
-你确定 -确定
Okay. Well, we need to take a delivery of 100 mirrored doors,
我们要送100个装了镜子的门
but warehouse one and two are both full.
可是一号二号仓库都满了
Okay, I know what to do. I've got this. Uh...
我知道怎么办 我能行
What if we move the drawers into that busted semi
如果我们把抽屉全部塞到四号装卸车间
in loading dock four?
那个烂半挂车里呢
- And that works because-- - That frees up warehouse two.
-那样可以 因为 -二号仓库就空出来了
Worst-case scenario, we're a day late on delivery.
最坏无非我们要晚一天才送到
But they'll be mad at us.
客户会生气了
We'll give them a break off shipping?
如果我们在运费上折中一下呢
I don't know. Maybe like --
我不知道 也许
10%! Ha.
打九折
We did it. Yeah!
成功了
Good job, team.
干得漂亮 大伙
You see, what I did there
我在这里的工作就是
is I created a framework for problem solving,
构建一个解决问题的整体框架
and I didn't spoon-feed them the answers.
但是我不会直接告诉他们答案
It's just good management.
这就是绝妙的管理技能
- Yeah. - That's exactly what it looked like.
-是啊 -太绝妙了
Hey, Jay, I need a decision on that -- oh, boy.
杰 我需要你帮忙决定 不好
Get back here, Dom.
回来 多姆
What needs to be decided?
要决定什么
Well, we're throwing that party later for Herm's retirement,
赫姆要退休了 我们要为他举办派对
and Jay's just sort of the master
杰特别擅长
when it comes to picking out cakes.
给别人选蛋糕
Oh, I'm here. I can pick out a cake.
我来吧 我来选蛋糕
Ice cream cake.
冰淇淋蛋糕
I don't know about that.
我说不好
It's a cake. It'll be fine.
就是个蛋糕而已 就它了
- Okay, is there a number where I could reach... - Just get it.
-有什么方式能让我联系 -赶紧去买吧
Jay?
到杰吗
No matter how big or small the issue,
不管事大事小
people want their leaders to be decisive.
下属希望他们的领导有决断力
- Oh, definitely. - Of course.
-绝对的 -当然
- What flavor? - Mint chip.
-什么口味 -薄荷味
- I'll come back. - I said mint chip!
-还是算了 -我说了薄荷味
Hey, Joe! You want to...
乔 你想...
I'm like Bruce Willis in "The Sixth Sense."
我看起来像《灵异第六感》里的布鲁斯·威利斯
Jay, will you please put the craft table
杰 你能把手工桌
over on the hemp rug?
放到麻毯上吗
No.
For a word you don't use, I'm sure hearing it a lot.
你说不爱用"不"这个字 可我咋老听见你用
That's the craft table.
那个才是手工桌
You're holding the feelings table,
你现在拿的是情感桌
where we talk about how we feel.
我们只在谈论各自感受的时候才用
Hey, Mr.Table, I feel like breaking you over a hippie.
桌子先生 我真想把你摔在她身上
Well, you're the lawyer.
你可是律师
When can I go to jury duty again?
我什么时候才能再去陪审团啊
you know, I have no idea.
我也不知道
You're literally the first person who has ever asked that.
你算是第一个问这种问题的人
I am so frustrated.
我太难过了
This reminds me when I was a little girl in my village
这让我想起小时候还在村子里
and we had no power.
当时我们一点权力[电力]都没有
Oh, this is the story about the TV set
你是说村里的电视
powered by the donkey, right?
全靠驴子发电那个故事吗
No, political power.
不是 我说的是政治权力
We had no say in anything.
我们没有任何发言权
But now I am an American,
可现在我是美国人了
so I thought things were going to be different.
我以为事情会不一样
I wanted to listen to testimony, look at the evidence,
我想要听证词 看证据
have somebody burst in with new information.
看到有人带着新的信息闯进来
Mitchell, guess what just happened.
米奇尔 猜猜发生了什么
You're home early.
你早回家了
I have a two-hour lunch Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
我周一周三周五都有两小时的午休
And summers off.
夏天也不用工作
I'm beginning to get the low pay.
我要开始拿低薪了
This just in.
这是刚刚发来的
Pepper says he's not coming if both J'marcus and Raymond are here.
胡娇说 如果杰马库斯和雷蒙德都来 他就不来了
"If I wanted this much tension in a space that small,
我要是想在这么小的地方经受这么大的压力
I'd go up to my mother's room."
我还不如去我妈那里
That's not nice.
这太刻薄了
We can't afford to have another bad party.
我们不能再来一个糟糕的派对了
You have to call Raymond right now and un-invite him.
你现在就得打给雷蒙德取消邀请
I-I can't believe you and Pepper
我不敢相信你和胡娇
aren't being more compassionate about this.
居然对人毫无同情心
Raymond is a human being.
雷蒙德也是人啊
What is the problem with inviting Majarcus and Roland?
为什么不能邀请玛吉库斯和罗兰德他们俩
They had a horrible breakup.
他们分手了
Months ago.
就在几个月前
Gloria, what do you think?
歌洛莉亚 你说呢
I think I need to know more before I adjudicate.
在作出判决之前 我需要更多信息
Adjudicate?
判决
When the skies were clear and the donkey was very strong,
在天空晴朗 驴子还有劲的时候
we would watch "L.A. Law".
我们会看《洛杉矶法律》
That is the mockup room.
那是模型屋
Hey, guys.
大伙好啊
Keep up the mocking.
继续做模型[嘲笑]
It's important to keep it fun.
保持幽默总是有必要的
Look at that. The design team's having a meeting.
看看 设计团队正在开会
What do you say we go in there
你说我们要不要进去
and give them a couple "Attaboys", huh?
说几句"干得好"之类的
No. No, they look really busy.
不了 他们看上去很忙
Don't be silly.
别说笑了
Everybody wants face time with the boss.
每个人都想跟老板面对面接触
Mom, are you okay?
老妈 你还好吗
Alex, I'm fine.
艾丽克斯 我没事
- Oh, my God. - What?
-我的天 -怎么了
Your pupil is the size of a nickel.
你的瞳孔就跟五分硬币一样大
It looks like half of you went to a rave.
感觉像是半个你正在咆哮
Claire, we have a storage problem.
克莱尔 我们有个库存问题
If it's those mirrored doors, I think I solved that one.
如果是带镜子的门的事 我应该已经解决了
No, some idiot ordered Herm an ice cream cake.
不是 有个白痴给赫姆订了一个冰淇淋蛋糕
I don't think that name-calling--
你们这么叫人白痴不好
wait, how is that a storage problem?
等等 这跟库存有什么关系
The damn thing won't fit in the freezer.
冰箱里根本放不下那玩意儿
It's melting like a son of a bitch.
融化得跟什么似的
Well, then, um, find the smallest room we've got
行 那就找一间最小的房间
and crank the A/C full blast, hmm?
把冷气开到最大
- That's a great idea. - Thank you.
-好建议 -谢谢你
Maybe later, we could turn the heat up in the broom closet,
或许我们还能把杂物间的温度调高点
bake muffins.
好烤些玛芬蛋糕吃
Complete disaster.
完全悲剧
I'm gonna say something.
我有话要说
You people are being ridiculous.
你们这么说也太荒唐了吧
It's a freaking mint chip cake.
不就是个该死的薄荷蛋糕吗
Mint chip?
薄荷味的吗
Yeah, mint chip.
是的 薄荷味
You're gonna love it.
你们会喜欢的
And if it's melting, so what?
就算它融了一点 那又如何
We move the party up a little.
我们把派对提前就是了
In fact, why don't you tell everybody
干脆 你们叫所有人
to be in the mill in 10 minutes.
在十分钟内布置好一切
But Jay's not here.
但是杰赶不过来
Yeah, who will give Herm's farewell speech?
对呀 谁来给赫姆致告别词呢
I will.
我啊
Give him the best farewell speech Herm has ever heard.
我会给他一个此生最棒的告别词
Mom, are you sure you're up for this?
老妈 你确定你要上吗
Yeah, you look a little loopy.
就是 你看起来晕乎乎的
You know what? I'll be fine.
你们别担心 我能搞定
Just as soon as I figure out who Herm is.
不过我首先得搞清楚赫姆是哪一位
Keep it up, gentlemen.
继续坚持 各位男士
Hey, dad, remember that time you were getting ripped off?
老爸 你还记得那次你被人敲竹杠吗
You're still on this.
你怎么还念念不忘
I took a picture of the guy and sent it to mom.
我拍了一张那人的照片发给老妈了
She swears she's never seen him before in her life.
她发誓说从没见过那个人
Your mom could say that
对于她在酒吧遇到过的所有人
about anyone she met at a party with an open bar.
你妈都能说她不认识
Sounds like someone could use another teachable moment.
有人又需要受点人生教育啦
- I'm good, Dad. - Men, gather 'round.
-不用了 老爸 -大家快过来抱团
Teachable mo-- mother of...
人生教 我了个
Luke here still thinks I got ripped off,
卢克还是固执地认为我被骗了
but if that guy wasn't legit,
但是如果那人真是骗子
how did he know that Luke was my son?
他又怎么知道卢克是我儿子呢
Because I called you Dad.
因为我管你叫老爸
But how did he know that you used to be small?
但是他怎么知道你以前很小呢
I get the problem with that one.
我发现这里有点问题了
Phil, don't give in to his hipster cynicism.
菲尔 别被他的嘲讽扰乱自己
I admire your childlike faith in people.
我很敬佩你这么天真地信任别人
And, Luke, answer me this.
还有卢克 你回答我这个问题
If this guy is such a con man,
如果这人真是个骗子
how did he know your dad was Mr. Real Estate?
他又是怎么知道你爸是"房地产先生"的
Boom!
棒呆
Someone give this kid a mic to drop.
快来人拿个麦克风给这孩子扔扔
说唱结束时扔掉麦克风显得霸气
You got me.
你还真问住我了
I'm actually feeling a little dizzy because of that.
我现在脑子都还晕乎乎的
My whole world view has been rocked.
我的整个三观都被震撼了
I'm just gonna sit down before I pass out.
在晕倒之前 我得赶紧坐下
房地产先生 菲尔·邓菲
Pretty smug for a guy sitting on pigeon droppings.
坐在鸽子粪上还装得这么拽
Totally worth it.
那我也值了
I was standing outside feeling sorry for myself.
当时我站在门外觉得很难过
*Larry the lonely leopard*
*孤单小豹拉里*
*Couldn't change his spots*
*身上斑点去不掉*
*But once he put his smile on*
*但是只要真心微笑*
*Look at all the friends he's got*
*好朋友们全围绕*
Then I realized I was Larry the lonely leopard.
然后我意识到自己就是那只孤单小豹拉里
I just needed to put my smile on.
我只需要重露笑容就好了
That song works on so many levels.
那首歌真是穿透灵魂
Hi, gang. I'm Joe's Dad.
大家好 我是乔的爸爸
Anybody want to hear a story?
有谁想听故事吗
- That's a great idea, Jay! - Okay.
-这是个好提议 杰 -那好
This one's called "The teeny tiny house".
这个故事叫《小小小屋子》
"In a teeny tiny town...
在一座很小很小的镇上
"On a teeny tiny block,"
一个很小很小的街区里
"Stood a teeny tiny house with a teeny tiny --"
有一座很小很小的房子 里面有
You're old.
你好老
You seen my wife, Big Ears?
你见过我妻子吗 大耳仔
After that, Big Ears' parents and I
那之后 大耳仔的家长和我
had to spend a little time at the feelings table.
不得不在情感桌上坐下来谈话
Let me see if I'm understanding this.
我看看是不是搞清楚这事了
So, you have known Radar longer,
总的说来 你们认识雷达的时间久些
but Jemima is the fun one.
但杰玛玛为人更风趣
Yes, and kudos for really zeroing in on those names.
是的 为你越来越接近人家真正的名字点个赞
Come on. Raymond's fun.
拜托 雷蒙更有趣一点好吗
Name one fun thing he does.
说一件他有趣的事来听听
One -- so many things.
还一件 太多件了好吗
Okay, this, he does this thing
好吧 听着 他干过这事
where he imitates his parents' answering machine.
模仿他父母的答录机
It's hilarious. It kills every time.
真的超搞笑 每次模仿都搞笑死了
- And it's J'marcus. - Damn it.
-那是杰马库斯好吗 -呵呵了
Mitchell, why is this Raymond so important to you?
米奇尔 为什么这个雷蒙德对你来说这么重要
What is it that you're not telling us?
到底有什么事是不能告诉我们的
Nothing.
没什么
Isn't it true that you have feelings for him?
难道你不是对他动心了吗
No.
我没有
Admit it. You have a crush on him.
承认吧 你就是喜欢他
I don't.
我没有
You love him. You want to be with him.
你爱他 你想和他在一起
And you won't stop until Cameron is out of the picture.
而且除非卡梅隆退出了 你才会死心
Okay, okay, you're -- you're crazy.
好了 好了 你疯了
- Then why? - Be--
-那到底为什么 -因为
Because I am Raymond.
因为我就是雷蒙德
What?
什么
Yeah, if -- if we ever broke up,
是的 如果我们分手了
all of our friends would pick you,
我们所有的朋友都会站在你那边
and I'd be the one who's left behind.
我会被抛弃的
Honey, that's not true.
亲爱的 不是这样的
I would make them invite you to stuff.
我会逼他们请你参加各种圈内活动的
He's lying. I can tell from the way he's playing with his hair.
他在说谎 看他玩自己头发就知道
No, I-I think you really got to it.
不 我觉得他说的是真的
- Say it. Okay, fine. Cam!
-快坦白 -好吧 是小卡
Cam's the one, all right? Cam's the one I'm worried about.
是小卡好了吧 我担心的是小卡
He's the one who's gonna be left behind.
他才是那个会被抛弃的人
I rest my case.
我的追问结束了
Well, I don't rest mine.
可是我还没问完
Why do you think I'm the one that's gonna be left behind?
为什么你觉得我会被抛弃
I'm the belle of the ball.
我可是"舞会女神"[备受瞩目]好吗
Right there -- that's the type of thing
就是这样 这种话
you should let other people say.
你应该让别人去说
About a woman.
而且还要你是女生
Nobody really cares about your political rants.
没人会听你的政治呼声
Our friends don't want to hear about the Koch Brothers.
朋友们才不想听科赫兄弟[两个富老头]的事呢
Unless you're talking about a couple of hot guys
除非你说的是一群帅基佬
in a bathroom at a nightclub.
在夜店里的卫生间共浴
Cam, you have no filter.
小卡 你还真是口无遮拦
You say whatever rude thing you're thinking,
不管想到什么粗俗的事情你都照样说出来
and that ruffles feathers.
这样会把别人惹不高兴[费泽斯]
Feathers has terrible breath,
费泽斯有严重的口臭
and I was the only one with the decency to tell him.
而我是唯一一个坦诚告诉他的人
Okay, that's it. Both of you sit down.
好 行了 你们俩都给我坐下
I have reached my decision.
我做好决定了
Raymond is coming to the party.
雷蒙德可以来参加派对
It's a smart precedent to set,
这会是个明智的先例
because after what I heard here today,
因为据我今天听到的
I think there is a big chance
我觉得你们两个
that both of you are going to be left out.
以后很有可能都会被大家遗弃
You know you're not under oath, right?
你又没宣誓 非得要说真话吗
There he is.
这不是他嘛
How long's it been, Mr. Sport Coat?
好久没见了 运动服先生
And there it was. The ultimate teachable moment.
终极的教育时刻到来了
I guess the answer is nothing.
我猜答案是什么也没有
Nothing separates us from animals.
没什么能让我们跟动物有所区别
Grow up, Manny. Human beings are basically terrible.
成熟点吧 曼尼 人类基本都很糟
What the hell?
你们搞什么鬼
There he is! Mr. Full-of-Garbage.
他来了 满口废话先生
What are you doing?
你们在干什么
Payback for turning a bunch of innocent kids into cynics
报仇 你利用我的善良 假装认识我
by preying on my good nature and pretending you know me!
就是你这种人让孩子们不再相信他人
Phil -- Dr. Monty Lemon.
菲尔 我是蒙蒂·雷蒙医生
I delivered Luke.
是我接生卢克的
Dr. Monty Lemon was thinner, had more hair,
蒙蒂·雷蒙医生比你瘦 头发比你多
and was a good 15 years younger than you -- oh.
而且他比你年轻十五岁
Yeah. You're in my baby photos.
对哦 我婴儿时的照片上有你
再见 赫姆
Anybody wants cake, grab a cup.
谁想要蛋糕 拿杯子过来
I'll have some.
给我来点
It's mint chip.
是薄荷味的
Did it.
成了
I got Herm's personnel file, and I wrote a kickass speech.
拿到了赫姆的个人档案 还写了超赞的演讲稿
Your eye is turning black and blue.
你的眼睛变成蓝黑色了
Yeah, and -- and what happened to your hand?
还有你的手是怎么了
Nothing.
没什么
I just gashed it trying to get into the filing cabinet.
我打开档案柜的时候划破了手指
Nothing a stitch or two at urgent care can't fix.
只不过缝了一两针 没什么大不了的
"Boss", are we gonna do this?
"老板" 我们真要这样做吗
Oh, we're doing this.
是的
I know it's been a tricky day,
我知道今天发生了很多事
but I am so glad the two of you are here to see this.
但我很高兴你们俩能在此见证这一切
Okay, everyone, gather 'round.
好了 各位 请都过来
Just bring it in.
都过来
Let me get your attention here.
请大家把注意力都集中到我这
Mom! Mom!
老妈 老妈
Stupid ice cream cake.
可恶的冰淇淋蛋糕
I'm okay. Ooh. Oh, God.
我没事 天哪
Mom, stay down.
妈妈 别动
No. I need this.
不 我得起来
I know you think you need to impress us, but you don't.
我知道你觉得要给我们留下好印象 但真的不用
You've impressed us our whole lives.
从小到大 你一直都感动着我们
And especially today.
尤其是今天
Nobody but you could put up with this much punishment
除了你 没人能忍受这种惩罚
and keep going.
还继续装下去的
It means so much.
这对我意义重大
It really does, but I've got a job to do.
真的 但我还有工作要做
And I'm gonna do it.
我要做完它
Herm is so many things to so many people.
赫姆对很多人来说意义非凡
To his three sons, he is a role model.
在他三个儿子心里 他是榜样
To his wife, Dolores, he is a devoted husband.
对他妻子德洛丽丝来说 他是个忠诚的丈夫
And to his six rescue beagles, he...
对于他的六只营救犬来说 他...
- Wrong Herm. - What?
-弄错赫姆了 -什么
You're talking about Herm Anderson.
你说的是赫姆·安德森
Herm Kowalski is the one who's retiring today.
今天退休的人是赫姆·科沃斯基
There are two Herms?
有两个叫赫姆的吗
- Three. - Okay, I'm out.
-有三个 -好吧 我放弃
Jay?
In here with the booze.
在这喝酒呢
How are you?
你怎么样
Fine. Why?
挺好的 怎么了
The school called,
学校来电话了
and they said that a mean boy made fun of you.
他们说有个坏孩子取笑了你
He can probably hear us from here.
他可能会听到我们的谈话
Kid had ears bigger than Stella's.
那孩子的耳朵比斯黛拉的还大
Other than that, how was it?
除了这些呢 感觉如何
Like me in the tube slide -- not a good fit.
就像我玩那个滑滑管一样 不合适
Just not my thing.
这事不适合我
And don't give me that business about bonding,
别再跟我说那些增进感情的说辞了
because Joe didn't even know I was there.
因为乔根本不知道我在那
Well, if it makes you feel any better,
不知是否能让你好受点
I got rejected from jury duty,
陪审员的事被拒绝了
so you don't have to go to school anymore.
所以你再也不用去学校了
Mommy! Mommy!
妈妈 妈妈
How was your school day?
今天在学校怎么样
Best day ever 'cause Daddy was there.
最棒的一天 因为爸爸去了
Really?
真的吗
Did you like Daddy being in school?
你喜欢爸爸陪你上学吗
He made snacks, he read books,
他做好吃的 还读了书
and now I call Tommy "Big Ears."
而且现在我管汤米叫大耳朵
I'm glad that stuck.
很高兴你喜欢
That's so nice.
太好了
Daddy, can you come back tomorrow?
爸爸 你明天还去吗
Do you really want me to come back tomorrow?
你真的希望我明天还去吗
Yeah.
是的
What do you know?
谁又能想到呢
I'm a hit.
我大受欢迎
Anyone there?
有人吗
Little help?
帮个忙好吗
Hello?
Tommy?
汤米
Tommy.
汤米
I'm kind of stuck here.
我被卡在这里了
Could you go get a grown-up?
你能去找个大人来吗
Sorry. Can't hear you.
抱歉 听不见你说话
Really?
真的吗
With those ears?
耳朵那么大都听不到吗
I'm sorry, that was uncalled for.
对不起 我不该取笑你
What do you want?
你想要什么
Money? I got money.
钱吗 我有钱
Go ahead, use the credit card.
拿去 信用卡随便刷
You spend less than my wife.
你肯定没我老婆能花钱