摩登家庭 第七季 Modern Family Season 7 第8集: 清理装满垃圾的抽屉 Clean Out Your Junk Drawer

上映日期: 2,015

语言: 英语

影片类型: 喜剧

导演: James Alan Hensz

演员: 艾德·奥尼尔 / 索菲娅·维加拉 / 朱丽·鲍温 / 泰·布利尔 / 杰西·泰勒·弗格森 / 艾瑞克·斯通斯崔特 / 萨拉·海蓝德 / 阿芮尔·温特 / 诺兰·古德 / 里克·罗德里格兹 / 奥布里·


台词
Welcome, everyone. I'm Dr. Debra Radcliffe.
大家好 我是黛布拉·拉德克利夫博士
And today I'm going to help you clean out your junk drawer.
今天我要帮你们清理废物抽屉
清理废物抽屉
Of course, I'm talking about an emotional junk drawer
当然了 我指的是你们的情感废物抽屉
where we store all the pain, fear, anger that shapes us.
我们要把里面所有痛苦 恐惧和愤怒都清理掉
Who would like to share why they're here?
有人想分享一下 今天来这里的原因吗
This one didn't have her glasses at the high-school auction.
这个人今天参加高中拍卖会没戴眼镜
Thought she was bidding on a home organizer.
她以为自己在竞拍一个储物盒
And what a lucky mistake.
多么幸运的错误
In Colombia, we never get to do things like this.
在哥伦比亚 我们根本没有这种活动
The only time that I ever went to a seminar
我参加过的唯一一个讨论会
was how to escape the trunk of a car
是大家讨论当你的手被绑住的时候
when your hands are tied behind your back.
要怎么从车后备箱里逃出来
All right, everybody. On your feet.
大家都站起来吧
Okay. You know, I-I sort of thought
说起来 我以为这个活动
- this was a "sit here and listen" kind of a thing. - Yeah.
-是那种坐在这乖乖听讲座的类型 -是啊
Or as I call it, marriage.
或者说 婚姻也是这样
Where's my husbands at?
我丈夫呢
It's good to laugh at what makes us most uncomfortable.
最尴尬的时候笑一笑总是好的
But the next three hours will require active participation.
但是接下来的三小时 大家都必须投入进来
Let's clear a little space for ourselves.
我们都站开一点
You said this was a 45-minute talk.
你不是说这个活动只有45分钟吗
So what? I was wrong.
那又怎么了 我估计错误了
What, is there a place that you'd rather be
怎么 难道你不想坐在这里
than connecting with your family?
跟你的家人好好的谈心吗
You're really asking this question on Football Sunday?
你居然在橄榄球周日问我这种问题
All these men here gave up their football today.
这些人都放弃了他们的橄榄球比赛
Thank you, Mitchell, for your sacrifice.
谢谢你 米奇尔 谢谢你的牺牲
Hey, you know what? I'm missing a farmer's market to be here,
你可知道为了这个活动我都没去成农夫市场
so...yeah, I just made it gayer.
我刚才好想让自己变得更基了
It's perfectly normal to resist opening your emotional junk drawer.
拒绝打开自己的情感废物抽屉很正常
I address that in chapter one -- "Hey, get a handle on it".
我在第一章《装个把手》里说过
Why don't we start with a fun activity to loosen everyone up?
我们来做个有趣的活动放松一下吧
I don't care how loose we get, I'm not spilling my guts
我才不管什么放松 我不想玩这种游戏
to some table lamp pretending it's my mother.
假装台灯是我母亲 跟它说话
And I won't ask you to, Jay.
我不会要求你这么做的 杰
That kind of silliness gives therapy a bad name.
那种荒谬的做法给情感治疗抹黑了
We are going to play a game called Tiger, Rock star, Bunny.
我们要玩一个叫"老虎摇滚明星兔子"的游戏
I got this.
我知道了
Uh, marry the tiger, kill the bunny?
嫁给老虎 杀了兔子
菲尔说的游戏是要在三样东西里分别选出嫁娶 食用与杀死的对象
That's not my game.
不是这么玩的
When I call out tiger,
但我说老虎的时候
you will become a ferocious tiger.
你们要变成一只凶猛的老虎
When I call out rock star,
当我说摇滚明星的时候
You will be... a major rocker.
你们要变成一个摇滚明星
And when I call out bunny, you will be --
我说兔子的时候 你们要
Halfway home. Goodbye.
回家去了 再见
Oh, yeah, go ahead,
走吧
but don't forget that we don't have a prenup.
不过别忘了 我们可没签婚前协议
Let's get started.
那就开始吧
Tiger!
老虎
Feel ridiculous. I might need booze for this.
真是可笑 我觉得我需要大喝一杯
Oh, me likey that idea.
我也需要
We are not cut out for this.
我们可不适合这个
You can't compare yourself to me.
你可别想跟我比
I was in "Cats".
我毕竟出演过《猫》
No one's comparing themselves to you, Cam.
没人敢跟你比 小卡
Rock star.
摇滚明星
Looking good, Phil.
你做得很好 菲尔
I won an air-guitar contest in high school.
我在高中的时候赢了幻想吉他比赛
Bet that got you a lot of air girlfriends.
你肯定靠这个交到了很多幻想女朋友
Come on, Jay. Loosen up. It's fun.
杰 别这样 这多好玩啊
What the hell is that, dad?
你在干什么 老爸
Playing an accordion.
弹手风琴
Supposed to be a rock star.
你应该是个摇滚明星啊
I think you should do, like, a guitar or something.
你不应该弹弹吉他什么的吗
I only know how to play the accordion.
我只会弹手风琴
Pick on Mitchell. He's playing a flute.
你去挑剔米奇尔吧 他还在吹笛子呢
At least I hope he is.
我倒希望他吹的是笛子[箫]
家 庭
摩 登
第七季 第八集
So, why did they need you out of the house?
他们为什么要不让你待家里
They said it was some sort of therapy,
他们说要弄一个什么疗法
but part of me thinks it's an intervention for Mom.
但是我觉得他们是专门为老妈准备的
So, how's school?
学校怎么样
Well, in my newtonian mechanics class,
在我们的牛顿机械课上
we're learning how to calculate
我们学了怎么计算
the velocity of free falling objects in a...
自由坠落物体的速度
School's hard.
上学很辛苦
So, anyways, um...
好吧
I sort of did something and I need your advice,
我做了一件坏事 我需要你的建议
but I don't want a lot of judgment and criticism.
但是我不想听你一直批判我
And you came to me?
那你来找我干什么
Yeah, you've always had such a strong sense
你一直很理智
of what's right and wrong.
知道什么是对是错
- You always know what-- - I have a high-school boy toy.
-你知道的 -我找了个高中小男友
What?! Who?
什么 谁啊
It's Luke's dorky friend Reuben.
卢克那个书呆子朋友罗本
I feel so ashamed.
我觉得太羞耻了
Oh, my God. You should be. Isn't he, like, 8?
天哪 他不是只有八岁吗 你胆子太大了
No, he's 16 and 3/4,
不 他有16又3/4岁了
and he has to shave almost every two weeks.
而且他基本每两周就要刮一次胡子
How did you let this happen? You go to Caltech.
怎么会这样呢 你上的可是加州理工啊
You're surrounded by age-appropriate dorks.
你应该跟你这个年纪的书呆子约会
I know, but I was home and still feeling sad
我知道 但那时我待在家
about Sanjay breaking up with me,
一直在为了桑杰甩掉我这事伤心
and it's overwhelming here.
而学校的压力又这么大
There are so many brilliant people,
聪明的人太多了
and Reuben idolizes me.
罗本却把我当一个偶像
I guess I just kind of needed that,
我想我可能需要一个人陪我
so I let him kiss me...
所以我让他亲了我
and a little bit of this.
还做了点其它的事情[露胸]
I'm so weak. I can't imagine anything worse.
我太软弱了 这是我遇到过最糟糕的事
I hooked up with Andy.
我跟安迪搞上了
What?!
什么
Engaged Andy?
订婚了的那个安迪吗
I know. We were all alone at this house
我知道他订婚了 我们那天在某个人房里
that dad had set up to be sexy--
老爸特意把房间布置得很性感
Dad made it sexy for you?!
老爸专门给你们弄的吗
No, no, for the buyer, but Andy and I were alone,
不 是给买家弄的 但是当时只有我和安迪
a-and suddenly...bam.
于是我们就"哇"了
Bam?
"哇"
"Bam" as in sex
"哇"是指你们上床了
or "Bam" as in what Reuben shouted when he unhooked my bra?
还是像罗本解开我胸罩的时候说了声"哇"一样
Let's just leave it at "Bam."
这个话题就不要继续了
Look at us.
看看我们俩
I don't even know what to feel right now.
我不知道自己应该是什么感觉
Shame, guilt, fear.
羞耻 罪恶 恐惧
These are just some of the things
这些都是一些
we shoved in the back of our junk drawers
我们年轻时
when we were young.
扔进废物抽屉的情绪
This exercise comes from chapter three,
下面这个活动出自第三章
"Scary dreams, expired creams".
《恐怖的噩梦与过期的奶油》
Oh, I have both of those.
那两个我都有
This may seem unconventional,
这个姿势可能看起来不正常
but it helps access painful memories...
但是它有助于你们释放痛苦的回忆
This is nice.
真不错
No, it's not. It's weird.
不 我觉得很诡异
You're so tense today, my little baby.
你今天很紧张 我的小宝贝
What are you worried about?
你在担心什么
Us looking like idiots.
我们看起来像傻瓜一样
What? We're superstars here.
我们可是这里的明星
Married the longest, three happy children,
我们结婚最久 有三个快乐的孩子
one with a bright future.
其中一个还前途远大
You're right.
你说得对
We're gonna win this thing.
我们能赢
It's not a competition.
这又不是什么比赛
Exactly. We have this in the bag.
对啊 我们已经赢了
Mitchell and Cam fall apart
米奇尔和小卡只要一到选餐厅
if they've got to pick a restaurant,
就会吵得不可开交
and all Gloria ever does is yell at my dad.
歌洛莉亚只会吼我爸
Yeah, I'd really hate to be your dad right now.
是啊 我可不想当你爸
Now, tell me everything that you're thinking.
告诉我你所有的想法
I'm thinking about all that other stuff we could've bid on
我在想除了这个破玩意儿
at that auction instead of this nonsense.
拍卖会上本能拍到的别的东西
Lunch with Larry King. A ride along in a cop car.
和拉里·金[著名访谈家]共进午餐 搭乘警车
I heard they let you tase someone.
听说警察还附赠用电枪电人的体验
Jay, this is important.
杰 现在的治疗很重要
Dr. Debra said that this is good for us.
黛布拉医生说了这样对我们有好处
Now close your eyes.
闭上你的眼睛
Why should I close my eyes?
我为什么要闭上眼睛
Because I don't like you looking up at my neck like that.
因为我不想你从那个角度看我的脖子
The other day, I took a selfie from down there
我上次从那个角度自拍的时候
and I thought that I was face timing with my grandmother.
还以为在跟我奶奶视频
I wemember my mom went into the store
我记得我妈进噜商店
and left me all alone in the back of a twuck.
却把伦家忘在了卡车后座
Okay, do you have to do the baby talk?
你一定要学小孩子说话吗
I couldn't pronounce my R's when I was younger
我小时候发不出R的音
and the other children made fun of me, Mitchell.
其他孩子都笑话我 米奇尔
It was very twaumatic.
伦家超怕怕的
Mom? Mommy? Where are you?
妈 妈咪 你在哪里
All right, I'm -- I'm starting to lose feeling.
好吧 我已经开始麻木了
Oh, am I squishing your legs?
是我压到你的腿了吗
No, I meant in our relationship.
不 我是指我们的关系
All right, we need a game plan here.
好了 我们得定个计划
My dad and sister are here.
我爸和我姐都在这里
Let's keep a low profile -- light and surfacy.
我们尽量低调点 随便挑点无关紧要的说
But aren't we wasting a great opportunity
那我们不是浪费了一个绝佳的
to learn more about me?
了解我的机会吗
We are not gonna be the sideshow gay couple.
我们不要拿自己来娱乐大众
Okay, nothing too personal.
好吗 不要讲太私人的事
For god's sake, no bedroom stuff.
别把闺房之乐拿出来说
We're representing a community.
我们代表的是同性恋这个团体
And how are you two doing here?
你们俩交流得如何了
We're very good, very healthy.
我们很好 交流毫无障碍
- Very happy. - Yes.
-我们很开心 -是的
Cam, would you like to switch positions?
小卡 你想换个姿势吗
I'm not allowed to talk about that.
我不能提这种事
How's it going here with you two?
你们俩交流得怎样了
Not good. He's not even trying.
不好 他连试都不想试
Sounds like you're stuck in that drawer.
感觉你卡在抽屉里了
Sounds like you're stuck in that metaphor.
感觉你卡在那个比喻里了
What's holding you back, Jay?
是什么令你裹足不前 杰
I don't like to be held like this.
我不想这么被人抱着
Why? 'cause you feel vulnerable?
为什么呢 会让你感觉自己很脆弱吗
I don't know.
我不知道
It just... reminds me of something.
这让我想起了一些事
Go with that. You're safe here.
说出来吧 你在这里很安全
I don't want to be safe here.
我不想觉得这里很安全
I don't want to talk about this.
我不想聊关于这些的事
About what? Tell me.
关于什么的 告诉我
It's like the time my mom held me like this
我的狗跑掉再也没回来的时候
when my dog ran away and never came back.
我妈妈就是这么抱着我的
She kept telling me they didn't know how it got out,
她一直跟我说他们不知道它怎么跑掉的
but I knew.
但我知道
I left the gate open. It was my fault.
我没关门 都是我的错
I lost checkers.
是我没仔细检查
I can't take this.
我受不了了
Wait, what -- what just happened?
等等 刚刚发生了什么事
I don't know. I think he's not used to feeling emotions.
不知道 我想他只是不习惯表达内心情感
Maybe it was too much for him.
这对他来说有点过了
No, no, this is good.
不 不 这是好事
Some people's junk drawers are so full,
有些人的废物抽屉太满了
it's a struggle to open them.
想打开都很难
W-was he holding his chest?
他刚是不是捂着胸口
- Se. - Something seemed wong.
-是啊 -有点不对劲
Jay, are you okay? It's Gloria.
杰 你没事吧 我是歌洛莉亚
Dad. Dad, come on.
爸 爸 你没事吧
Ay, it's locked.
门锁上了
D-dad, open up.
爸 快开门
Hang on, I got a paperclip.
稍等 我这里有曲别针
Be careful. He's very raw.
小心点 他很脆弱
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
加油 加油 加油
Jay!
I'm still sad.
我还很伤心呢
You prefer to hide in the bathroom
你宁愿躲进洗手间里
than to deal with your emotions!
也不愿正视自己的情感
Gloria, what's the big deal?
歌洛莉亚 这有什么大不了的
The big deal is that we're raising a child together,
重点在于我们要在一起抚养小孩
and you have a chance
而你有机会
to make him different than those two.
把他变得跟那两个不一样
- Hello. - Us?
-你说啥 -说我们吗
I'm sorry. What's wrong with us?
抱歉 我们怎么不好了
I'd take a bullet for you,
我会为了你们挡子弹
but you two are kind of neurotic.
但你们俩稍微有点神经质
- We're not neurotic. - Do people say that we're neurotic?
-我们没有神经质 -有人说我们神经质吗
They don't say that, do they?
他们没有这么说 是吧
Yes. Yes.
对 对
All the junk wants to come out of the drawer.
所有的垃圾都想从抽屉里出来
- Can you feel it? - I can.
-你能感觉到吗 -我能
No, Jay doesn't feel anything.
不 杰什么都没感觉到
I feel lots of things.
我感觉到很多东西
Annoyed that I'm missing my game,
因为错过比赛而生气
- joy that the Steelers are winning. - Oh, what is the score?
-因为匹兹堡钢人赢而开心 -比分多少了
We're not gonna talk about football here!
我们在这里不谈橄榄球
Gloria's right.
歌洛莉亚说得没错
We should talk about deeper things
我们应该聊点更深入的
like those awkward years between 14 to 6.
比如14年到6年[14比6]的尴尬岁月
Oh. Yes.
太好了
When do we get to talk about the dumb things
我们什么时候可以开始聊
that our husbands do?
我们老公做过的蠢事
Gloria, thank you. I'm glad you said that.
歌洛莉亚 谢谢你 很高兴你这么说
You're welcome. At least somebody's helping.
不用谢 总得有人帮你
Because that kind of language is counterproductive.
因为那种语言会产生反作用
Oh, snap.
真糟糕
This next exercise will teach us how to communicate our needs
下一个练习能教会我们如何有建设性地
in a constructive and non-threatening manner.
不伤人地表达自己的需求
We do that all the time.
我们一直都这样
Very constructively communicated.
非常有建设性地交流
Would one of my couples like to help me demonstrate
有哪一对夫妇能帮我
for the rest of the group?
给大家展示一下吗
Yes, we would. We'd love to help.
有 我们愿意帮忙
- How is this low profile? - Oh, come on, it'll fun.
-这算什么低调 -肯定会很有趣
- Your chair, please, Cam. - Sure.
-把椅子搬过来 小卡 -好的
- Face this way. - Thank you.
-面朝这边 -谢谢
Now, I'd like you both to think of a behavior
现在我希望你们都能想一个
of your partner's that you would like to change.
你希望伴侣能够改变的行为
But we're going to avoid phrases
但是要避免使用
like "You always" and "You never",
"你总是" "你从不[永不]"这种词
and instead put it in terms of how we feel.
而换成表达自己感受的语言
Okay.
Mitch, you'll start.
米奇尔 你先开始
Okay.
好吧
Sometimes, I wish you wouldn't wear blue so much
有时候 我希望你能少穿点蓝色
because I feel jealous that you look so good in it.
因为我嫉妒你穿得这么好看
Now, Cam, let Mitch know if you heard him
小卡 告诉米奇你是否听到了
and if you feel you can do that.
以及你是否能做到
- I did hear that. - Okay.
-我听到了 -好的
And I will try to wear less blue.
我也会尽量少穿蓝色
Very good. Very good.
很好 很好
Maybe dig a little deeper in the drawer.
也许你能稍微讲得深入一点
Well, sometimes when you don't use a coaster
有些时候你和饮料的时候
with a -- a drink,
没有用杯托
I get anxious because I love our furniture
我会很焦虑 因为我喜欢我们的家居用品
and we bought it together.
那是我们一起买的
Aww, that's very sweet. I hear that.
真暖心 我听到了
And I'm gonna try and use a coaster more.
我会尽量多用杯托的
Okay. Excellent, both of you.
很好 你们做得都很棒
Mitch, keep going.
米奇 继续
Yeah, so, uh...sometimes when you leave the room
有些时候你离开房间时
and you don't turn off the lights, I just feel --
会不关灯 我感觉...
Seriously? That again?
有没搞错 又提这个
Surfacy.
别这么认真
Well, I told you not to harp on me about the lights.
我告诉过你别再跟我唠叨关灯的事
Oh, because this is the first time
因为这是我第一次听你
that I'm hearing about the coasters.
提到杯托的事
Here we go.
看看吧
Okay, I don't appreciate the smirking.
别在那里幸灾乐祸
I hear you, Mitchell,
我听到了 米奇尔
and I will try to smirk when you're not looking.
下次我会趁你没看到的时候幸灾乐祸的
I feel like if Andy weren't engaged, we'd have a chance.
我觉得如果安迪没订婚 我们可能会有机会的
And if Reuben were just a little bit older
如果罗本稍微大一点儿
and didn't wear prescription shoes --
而且不用穿矫正鞋的话
- It'd still be gross. - I know.
-还是很恶心 -我知道
- What are we gonna do? - We should both just end it.
-我们该怎么办 -我们应该叫停[结束]
I am not killing myself.
我不要自杀
- No! Break up with them. Oh, God.
-不 我说的是分手 天哪
You deserve somebody that isn't engaged to somebody else.
你值得找一个没有订婚的人
Yeah, and you deserve to be with someone
对啊 你也值得找一个
who didn't take baths with Luke.
没跟卢克一起洗过澡的人
I already tried to dump him once.
我已经提过一次分手了
Hopefully it'll go better this time.
希望这次能真的甩掉他
Look, I'm sick of hiding our love.
我受够了这样藏着掖着谈恋爱
- If you're ashamed of me -- - I am.
-如果你觉得我丢了你的脸 -没错
- Then maybe we should break up. - We should.
-那我们最好分手 -赞成
No, please don't break up with me.
不 求求你不要跟我分手
You're the -- the smartest,
你是 你是全世界最睿智的
most beautiful girl on the planet.
最美的姑娘
Fine.
好吧
I'm gonna text Andy right now,
我现在就给安迪发短信
and tell him we need to talk today,
告诉他我们今天应该好好谈谈
and you should, too.
你也该这么做
I can't text him.
我发不了短信给他
He lost his phone privileges
在他的西班牙语成绩
until he gets his Spanish grade back up,
提上来之前他家里不让他用手机
but I'll just go hang around the playground
我还是去操场逛两圈吧
till his kickball practice is over.
等他的儿童足球训练完再找他
I'm glad we talked.
还好我跟你聊过了
Me too.
我也是
This is how we're gonna stay on track
我们以后也要多联系
for the rest of our lives --
还有以后的以后
by always being there for each other.
都要一直相互诉说倾听
He plays kickball?
他还玩儿童足球
Equipment manager.
还只是个器材管理员
Now that we're learning to communicate constructively,
既然我们在学习如何积极沟通
let's put those new skills to use.
那就试试这些新的沟通技巧吧
Thank you.
谢谢
I want everyone to write down
我想让每个人都写下
everything about your partner that drives you crazy.
你伴侣所做过每一件让你暴走的事情
Really?
真的要写
The drawers are open. Dig in.
抽屉都拉开了 就好好刨吧
Sounds a little marriage-endy, doesn't it?
有点婚姻终结者的意思 对吧
I mean, it does, but not for us.
是有点 但是对我们俩不起作用
Maybe...
应该吧
Interesting.
有意思
Phil, there's nothing that bugs you about Claire?
菲尔 你不想吐槽克莱尔点什么吗
Nope.
并没有
Not even "Me likey"?
比如说"偶稀饭[我喜欢]"
- What's he talking about? - I have no idea.
-他在说什么 -我不知道
He says you say it a lot and it drives him crazy.
他说你老是说这句 搞得他要暴走
Phil.
菲尔
Okay, uh, Claire. Yeah.
好吧 克莱尔 是的
- I love you. - I know.
-我是爱你的 -我知道
But when you use that expression,
但是每次你一那么说
it makes me feel, um...icky.
都让我感觉 很恶心
But, I mean, I've hardly ever even used the expression --
但是 我从来都没有那么说过
"Me likey sushi, me likey 'Game of Thrones'",
"偶稀饭寿司 偶稀饭《权力的游戏》"
"Me likey Chardonnay".
"偶稀饭喝夏敦埃酒"
It does hit my ear wrong. But you know what? Forget it.
我听了真的受不了 但是 无所谓了
I'm sorry. I got nothing to complain about.
对不起 我没有要吐槽她的事情
Me lucky.
偶幸运哟
Phil, never apologize for your feelings.
菲尔 你永远不必为自己的情感而道歉
I thought we're not supposed to say "Never".
我们不是不该说"永远不"吗
Good catch, Jay. Thank you.
说得对 杰 谢谢提醒
As the kids say, it's going to get real up in here,
就像年轻人说的那样 接下来我们要玩真的了
but trust me, after that,
但是你们要相信我 结束以后
once I've guided you through the extremely specific steps
只要你们跟着我学会最具体的步骤
in deciding what goes back in the drawer
能够决定哪些情感要保留
and what gets thrown out,
哪些情感要摒弃
you will be the best version of yourselves.
你们就会成为更好的自己
- It always works. - Don't say "Always".
-这方法总是有效 -不能说"总是"哦
Thank you.
谢谢你
Let's get writing.
大家开始写吧
Nothing is off-limits.
敞开了写
These are your private thoughts,
这些是你们的私人想法
and you are entitled to them.
你们有权拥有这些想法
Excuse me.
失陪一下
You think I'm too loud?
你觉得我嗓门很大
How am I loud?
我怎么就嗓门大了
Well, you take in too much air
你吸气太足了
and you expel that air with large and sudden bursts.
然后你瞬间就大力地把气呼出来了
That's how.
就这么回事
Oh, so you're saying that I am full of hot air?
所以你就是说我全身是气[说大话]
No, I'm saying just the opposite.
不 我的意思正好相反
None of the air stays in you.
你说话都不留一口气
The lights again. Now you've written it down?
又是那灯的事 你现在还要把它写下来
I'm trying to stick to the small stuff.
我已经尽量不把事情写大了
Oh, well, congratulations.
好哇 恭喜你
You nailed it, because that's real small.
你做到了 因为那件的确是小事
It -- okay, it bothers me, all right?
但是它 它真的让我很烦 行吗
I-I've asked you very nicely to turn off the lights.
我已经非常好脾气地问你能不能关灯了
Constantly.
你那轮番轰炸
It's like we're Londoners hiding from war planes.
好像我们是不停躲避空袭的伦敦人
Why did you write down "Teepee joke"?
你干嘛要写"圆锥帐篷梗"
Debra said these are my personal and private thoughts.
黛布拉说了 这些是我自己私人的想法
I love that joke. I tell it all the time. It's funny.
我超爱那个梗 我经常讲 超搞笑
To you.
你觉得搞笑而已
Okay. Listen up, guys.
好 听好了各位
This guy walks into his shrink's office and he says,
这个人走进他心理医生的办公室说
"Doc, what's wrong with me?"
"医生 我这是怎么了"
"I'm a teepee. I'm a wigwam."
"我是圆锥帐篷[勃起] 我是小棚屋[秃顶]"
And the doc says,
然后医生说
"That's your problem. You're two tents."
"那正是问题所在 你是两顶帐篷[太紧张]"
Do you get it? Two tents.
懂了吗 两顶帐篷[太紧张]
That's bad, Claire. That's really bad.
笑话太糟了 克莱尔 太糟糕了
You made her like that.
是你让她变成这样的
If you let her feel things,
如果你允许她有自己的感受
maybe she'll know what is funny.
也许她就能知道搞笑是什么感觉了
Don't care what you people think.
懒得理你们
Me likey.
偶稀饭
What is wrong with "Me likey"?
这么说到底有什么问题
- Claire... - Yes.
-克莱尔 -是
- I love you. - Oh, then stop saying it!
-我是爱你的 -那就别一直说
- It just seems a little childish. - Really?
-就是感觉那句话有点幼稚 -是吗
'Cause you're the one
因为你才是那个
who can't stop playing with his pogo stick.
踩弹簧高跷踩到停不下来的那个人
You know what? Maybe you'd be happier
如果你偶尔玩玩我的弹簧高跷[丁丁]
if you played with my pogo stick once in a while.
也许你会更开心一点
Oh, my god!
噢 我天
What's sad is they're actually talking about a pogo stick.
太可悲了 他们居然在为弹簧高跷吵
What's sad is you love electricity more than me.
可悲的应该是你爱省电多过爱我
It's like we have a deranged second grader
你就好像一个疯疯癫癫的小学二年级生
bouncing around the neighborhood.
天天在家附近跳来跳去
When did you get so old?!
你什么时候心态这么老了
I mean, I love you!
我是说 我是爱你的
All right, Cam,
好了 小卡
It's been a pet peeve of mine since I was a kid,
我从小就特别不能忍受不关灯浪费电
and I've asked you so many times that when you ignore me,
而且我说过很多次了 你还无视我
It feels a little passive-aggressive.
我就有了消极攻击性的情绪
And when you nag me constantly,
然后当你一直不停跟我念叨的时候
it feels like I'm talking to my mother.
我就感觉好像在跟老妈说话
When I have to nag you,
当我不得不对你碎碎念的时候
it makes me feel like I am your mother,
我也感觉我像是你老妈
which could be why it's been a month
也许这就是为什么
since we played with each other's pogo sticks.
我们已经有一个月没互相玩弹簧高跷[丁丁]了
Oh, my god!
噢 我的老天
How do you think we feel, Mitchell?!
你觉得我们受得了吗 米奇尔
Miss, this is not going the way it should be.
小姐 现在我们的方向都跑偏了
Why don't you tell us how to fix this?
你要不要告诉我们该怎么解决
I'm so sorry. I have to go.
很抱歉 我得走了
No, no, no!
不行 绝对不行
You have to help us put this back together!
你得帮我们收拾一下这局面
It's a family emergency.
我家里有急事
Trust me, it cannot be as bad as this one.
相信我吧 你家不可能比我们这儿更糟
I'm sorry. I'm sorry!
对不起 很抱歉
But I have to go pick up my son
但是我得去接我儿子
because my idiot ex-husband loaned his car
因为我那傻逼前夫把他的车借给了
to his latest Tinder whore.
他在陌陌上新认识的小贱人
We paid good money for this.
我们可是花了一大笔钱的
No, it was only $84.
不 84美元而已
Excuse me?
你说什么
I would've paid more, but nobody else was bidding.
我本来要给更多的 但是没人出价了
That's great.
挺好
You know what? I deserve it.
我也就值这么多了
This is what you get for dumbing down 30 years of research
把30年的研究成果简化成废物抽屉的比喻
for a trite analogy of a junk drawer.
也就只能值这个价了
Just because my editor told me
就因为我的主编告诉我
it would get me on the "Ellen" Show.
这样我就能上《艾伦秀》[著名脱口秀]录节目
You were on "Ellen"?
你上过《艾伦秀》
Oh, yeah, yeah.
是的
I danced my way into America's heart,
我曾经在全美家喻户晓
and that's why I'm stuck here on a Sunday afternoon for 80 bucks.
然后沦落到周日下午为80美元困在这里
Wait. You can't leave now.
等等 你现在不能走
All our junk is out!
废物全都挪出来了
That's a cool shirt. You look nice.
衣服不错 看上去挺好的
I have to cut you off right there.
我得让你打住了
The shirt stays on.
这次我不会脱掉它的
I have to hang up on this booty call.
咱们不能再约炮了
Wait, what?
等等 你说什么
You and me, this -- this has to stop.
你和我的这件事必须结束了
I'm so racked with guilt.
我深受罪恶感折磨
I keep giving money to different charities.
我不断给不同的慈善机构捐钱
I even fronted a Zach Braff movie on kickstarter.
我甚至还参加了一部扎克·布拉夫电影的众筹
Andy, slow down.
安迪 慢点
No, you're not gonna talk me into it.
不 你没法说服我的
I'm even wearing embarrassing underwear just in case.
我甚至穿了条难看的内裤以防万一
Oh, god, you're making this so much easier.
天啊 你可算让我轻松了
Look, I texted you to say the same thing.
听着 我给你发了短信 意义一样
- You did? - Yeah.
-真的吗 -真的
I'm trying to be a better person.
我想变成一个更优秀的人
And, ironically, you're one of the reasons why, but...
你是我想变优秀的原因之一 然而
A better person does not hook up with an engaged person.
一个优秀的人不能和已经订婚的人勾勾搭搭
So, what now?
那现在怎么办呢
I don't know.
不知道
We're still gonna see each other.
我们还会互相见面
You work for, like, half my family.
你要给我半数的家人工作
Do I remove you from my calling circle?
我该把你从我的呼叫圈[通话列表]上移除吗
I think that's between you and your wireless carrier.
那是你和你的WiFi携带仪[手机]之间的事了
I guess that's that.
看来就这样了
It's not like it's goodbye forever.
又不是要永别
It's just...
只不过
When we run into each other from now on,
从现在起如果我们碰到对方
we keep our clothes on.
要把衣服好好穿着
Yes. Totally.
必须的
But, you know...
但是
If things were different --
如果能重来
I know.
我懂
Bye, Haley.
再见 海莉
Bye.
再见
So, that's it? It's over?
就这样结束了吗
I can't believe she just left like that.
真不敢相信她就这么走了
Great. Now what?
那现在怎么办
I know what you're all thinking,
我知道你们怎么想的
and, yes, I will take over as group leader.
好吧 我来引导大家
No one's thinking that.
没人这么想
I'm the only one with improv experience.
我是唯一一个有救场经历的人
Oh, really?
真的
Or was I the only white member of Ha Ha Blacksheep?
难道我就不是嘻哈黑羊组合中唯一白人成员了吗
I seem to remember bringing down the hizouse
我依稀记得我通过模仿一位恐慌的游客
with such classic characters as a scared tourist,
四分卫和布莱恩特·冈贝尔[美国记者]
Quarterback, and Bryant Gumbel.
博得满堂彩
I'll tag you in if I need you. All right, everyone.
需要你的时候我会叫你的 大家注意
This first exercise is called entrances and exits.
第一个练习叫作"进进出出"
Let me go first.
先让我说
I'm leaving to watch the football game.
我要去看橄榄球比赛了
No, senor! Jay, no.
不行 杰 不准走
Oh, dear god!
上苍啊
The only reason we stirred all this up
我们之所以被搞得一团糟
is 'cause Mrs. Magoo here
全是因为迷糊眼女士
thought she was bidding on a home organizer.
以为她竞拍的是真正收拾抽屉的服务
I knew exactly what I was doing!
我当时清楚我在干什么
I have tried everything.
我试过各种方法了
I just needed a new way to get you to express your feelings
我只不过需要一种新方式让你表达自己的情感
and to allow other people to express theirs.
让你学会倾听他人的情感
I need you to be fine
我想让你理解并允许
with Manny dancing around the living room when he's happy
曼尼开心的时候想在客厅跳舞就跳
and Joe crying when he's sad.
乔伤心的时候想哭就哭
- You don't see the downside to all this? - No.
-你没看到这件事的负面影响吗 -没有
Mitchell, you want to weigh in here?
米奇尔 想说两句吗
We're all reliving it.
我们都开始释放情感吧
How about you two?
你俩怎么样
You feel good about getting all this stuff out in the open?
把话都说出来有没有感觉到舒畅很多
Let me just make one thing perfectly clear.
就让我把一件事解释清楚
There were two tents.
有两顶帐篷[太紧张]
T-e-n-t-s and t-e-- you're right.
帐篷和紧 你说对了
It's a horrible joke. But it's all your fault.
是个糟糕的笑话 但都是你的错
I told you!
我就说吧
For the record, we are just as grossed out
再提一句 一想到异性恋发生关系
at the thought of you all having sex --
我们也会感到恶心
That's it! I'm out! What the hell are we doing?
够了 我走了 我们到底在搞什么
Dancing around, telling secrets like girls at a slumber party.
像睡衣派对上的女孩一样手舞足蹈 分享秘密
I can just imagine my old man with his buddies
我完全能想象我老爹和他的伙计们
sitting at their lawn chairs, laughing their asses off
坐在躺椅上笑掉大牙
that I missed a whole day of football
因为我错过了一整天的橄榄球赛
'cause I'm trying to get in touch with my emotions.
为的是要弄清楚自己的情感
These guys didn't do that crap. These were men!
这些老家伙才不鸟这种屁事儿 他们是男人
His best friend Tommy Ryan
他最好的朋友汤米·瑞恩
lost half a finger in a sheet metal press.
被冲压机砸掉了半根指头
Waited until his shift ended to go to the hospital.
等到自己的工作结束才去的医院
I broke my collar bone in a football game.
我在橄榄球赛里撞碎了锁骨
There was Dad up in the stands giving me the old "be tough."
老爹在台上给我说了那句老掉牙的"顶住"
So I played two more downs before I passed out.
所以我撑过了两档进攻才晕了过去
My date, Maryjo Klumsky,
我的女伴 玛丽乔·克朗姆斯基
left the senior dance with another guy.
在毕业舞会上跟别的人跑了
Broke my heart.
我的心都碎了
2:00 A.M. at the kitchen table, my old man's telling me,
凌晨两点 我老爹在餐桌上告诉我
"Eat the sandwich and forget about her."
"吃个三明治然后把她忘掉"
Feelings!
情感
I didn't even cry at his funeral. You believe that?
我居然没在他的葬礼上落泪 简直难以置信
The guy was my whole world.
那家伙是我的全部
Not a tear.
而我一滴泪也没流
Everybody looking at me like -- like I didn't love him.
大家都望着我 觉得我好像并不爱他
But he knew.
但他懂的
He had to know, right?
他肯定懂的 对吧
Of course he did.
他当然懂了
Son of a bitch, that felt good getting that out.
该死的 释放出来还真是爽
I know.
是啊
They just won therapy.
成功的[一个]心理治疗[上个笑话的同音梗]
Hey, it's me. I broke up with reuben.
是我 我和罗本分手了
I knew he'd be crushed,
我知道他肯定会悲痛欲绝
so I did it quickly like ripping off
所以我速战速决
one of his Incredible Hulk band-aids.
好像撕掉绿巨人创口贴一样
So, how about you? Did you do it?
你怎么样 搞定了吗
Yep. I sure did.
搞了 肯定是搞了
"Why do we choose partners so different from ourselves?
为何我们要选择与我们相差甚远的人做伴侣
It's not fate or chance
并非命运或是机遇
or cliches like 'the heart wants what the heart wants'."
也并非俗话所谓的"心意难违"
"We choose our partners because they represent
我们选择了现在的伴侣是因为
the unfinished business from our childhood."
他们代表了童年缺失的部分
Phil.
菲尔
Phil.
菲尔
"And we choose them
我们选择他们
because they manifest the qualities we wish we had."
是因为他们有着我们渴望拥有的品质
I'm afraid I'm not fun enough for you.
我觉得对你来说我不够有趣
Yeah.
没错
My sayings aren't cute, my jokes aren't funny, and --
我的口头禅不讨人喜欢 我的笑话不搞笑
And you're gonna get sick of me once the kids leave
孩子离家之后你会厌倦我
and you realize how truly crazy I am.
你会发现我有多么疯狂
Really?
真的吗
Honey, I already know how crazy you are.
亲爱的 我已经知道你有多疯狂了
"In doing so, in choosing such a challenging partner,
如此一来 如此地选择了区别甚大的伴侣
and working to give them what they need,
并努力地给他们提供他们想要的东西
we chart a course for our own growth."
我们为自己的成长规划好了方向
Go to sleep, Jay-Jay.
睡吧 杰杰
I'm telling you, the woman is a genius.
说真的 那姐们儿真是个天才
I didn't feel like going to my grandpa's house that sunday,
那个周日我不想去我爷爷家
so I pretended to have a cold.
所以我就装作感冒了
Wouldn't you know it, a few days later...
没想的是 几天之后
Oh, no.
不会吧
Yep. I got the cold.
没错 我真的感冒了
I thought it was karma, so I hopped on my bike
我还以为这是报应 所以我跨上自行车
and I rode straight to my grandpa's.
飞驰到了爷爷家
I climbed in his lap and I hugged him so hard.
我爬到他腿上 紧紧地抱住了他
We even shared an ice cream cone.
我们还分吃了一个冰淇淋
It's a memory I'll always cherish,
这是我会永远珍惜的回忆
'cause in a crazy coincidence,
因为极度凑巧的是
he got a cold too and was dead within a week.
他也感冒了 不到一周就去世了