And then, even after I showed them my true colors,
Cyndi Lauper- style,
my coworkers ditched me.
Triflin'- ass Vogue readers.
I made you a friendship bracelet when I was home.
The "H" Stands for "Hot Lindsay."
See? I'm friendable!
I know they're triflin', Gretch,
but I really want those multicultural fashion lizards to like me.
They're my work family.
My old boss Rick was my work family until his head
got cut off in that Jet Ski accident.
It's my divorce license.
Oh, no. I broke my divorce.
Yay! Paul is dead!
Now we can be fun single ladies together!
Since when does being a fun single lady mean
boning the same old- ass dad every night?
You're down a road.
We are not down a road.
Then don't hang out with him tonight.
Easy. Not a problem.
I will just tell that fool...
that I am very sick so he doesn't get mad at me.
You... have... a... boyfriend!
你 有 男朋友 了
Don't emoji clap at me.
Okay, how 'bout this?
To celebrate our new singlehood,
I will throw you a divorce party tonight. No Boone.
Yes! And I can invite my work fam.
Maybe once they know I'm a cool- ass divorce
like ScarJo or Nicole Brown Simpson,
Jeff and Tara will want to be friends with me.
I really need to stop buying window drugs
from that homeless guy.
Now, make sure to wear your VIP badge at all times.
I absolutely will not.
Congrats on the release of your book.
I hear it's very steamy.
It's also a Dickensian exploration of the long shadow
cast on British progeniture by the Second World War,
There we go. Getting that weekly tighten- up,
- quaffing that rye hattie. - You're right.
Co- grooming can be a bonding
yet totally macho ritual.
- SneakerSeeker! - SneakerSeeker!
Oh, shit, the Yeezy 350 Pirate Blacks are on sale for $950!
- We got to be twinsies. - Nine hundo?
Uh, gee, I- I don't know. I...
天啊 不好说 我得...
Where's the foreign dude with the weird- colored dick?
- Jimmy's on a work trip. - Nice! Now we don't have to rip
-吉米出差去了 -好啊 这样我们开派对
down his list of dum- dum rules for the party.
Going number two in the upstairs bathroom all night, sucka.
- What party? - Ugh, I got super baked
and offered to throw Lindser a divorce party.
Edgar, you should plan the party.
- Why me? - You're the foodie
with the fancy- ass threads, getting a house haircut,
drinking a rye hattie like Dan Goddamn Bilzerian!
I guess I could pull something together.
Great. Remember, the theme is
好极了 记住 主题是
Your Previously Secure Future
is Suddenly a Giant, Scary Question Mark.
I- I guess I have to go to the grocery store and the liquor store.
I should probably pick up some bubble wrap for Lindsay to play with...
I know a party planner who can take care of everything.
He did Brent's going away, and it was spectunckular.
I mean, that's- that's so generous.
- Mm- hmm. - Isn't he your main dude?
Brent moved to Boulder to work on his new app, Snoober.
It's like Uber but for snow.
So, the app helps you find a place to ski
- or makes snow or... - Right!
-还是制造雪 或是... -没错
It's like Venmo, but for mountains.
I loved how Simon was drunk all the time
when he was teaching drama at that boarding school,
because... I had sex with my drama teacher, too.
Thanks for doing all this.
Hey, it's what buds do.
Plus, you got to honor the end of a relationship.
When my pops and stepmom split,
me and dad bro'd out in the Maldives for, like, a month.
Had too much Prosecco one night,
and things got a little weird.
But, all in all, great trip.
不过 总的来说 那次旅行很愉快
- Hello! - Welcome to the party I planned!
Oh, shit, it's Nerd with his face X'ed out!
How... Pinterest of you.
You know, if we threw a party every time Lindsay failed at something,
we'd be drunk all the time.
Bitch, we are drunk all the time.
Because you keep pressuring me.
Makes me wonder what you're up to, mister.
Here comes the divorced lady.
Aw, thanks for comin', sis!
Yeah, well, I find the whole thing to be in very poor taste.
Marriage is supposed to be forever.
And you chose Vernon.
Babe, can you take a pic for me?
I want to get one where I'm resting my dick
on his shoulder like a parrot.
Uh, a- and/or, uh, my, uh, condolences,
depending on your feelings about the divorce.
- Thank you so much for inviting me. - Shut up.
- Where are the good ones? - The good...
Oh, you mean Jeff and Tara.
You're bummed because your work is suddenly included
in the mortifying anti- art hellscape that is genre.
Yeah. Well, Michael Chabon isn't hyping Moonglow
at the Gilroy Garlic Festival.
He would if they invited him.
He's not above helping sales,
and neither should you be.
Plus, not to be gross,
but you could really clean up around here.
- What? - I'm just saying, I'm an old married lady,
-什么 -我的意思是 我是个已婚老女人
but if I were a hot, single British dude?
you'd have to take my dick home in a body bag.
Try to have some fun this weekend, will ya?
I can't believe none of my work friends showed up.
Not even the janitor guy with the gross, black thumbnail.
Carl? He doesn't count.
Carl's basically a human participation trophy.
The most tragic part of your sister's divorce
is that she's wearing that hideous dress a second time.
Speaking of dumb things I hate,
Vernon tried to have sex with me last night.
I made him go jerk off in the downstairs bathroom,
because sometimes... he touches his own nipples.
Well, I'm gonna take a lap.
So, I'm guessing you're not sick.
Actually, it's bananas.
I was feeling straight garbaggio when my friend
basically blackmailed me into hosting her divorce party.
And when I was picking up some wine,
I gave this homeless woman the last of my Chipotle,
and she blessed me, and I was, like, instantly cured!
This is disappointing.
Have fun being a weird liar, I guess.
It's just you, me... road.
We're heading down one, right, it seems,
and yeah, so... that.
是的 所以 就那样
You think we're down a road?
I'm at your house almost every night.
Pretty soon you're gonna want me to meet your kid.
In fact, Olivia's actually in the car right now reading,
and you're still not meeting her.
Wait. You saying I can't meet her?
Like you'd want to.
I mean, you have to admit you're not exactly the "Kid type."
I guess you can still have this.
Hey, you want to come in for one drink?
Everybody's raving about the Mezcalimonies.
Plus, I'm very curious to see
who'd actually be friends with you.
Bartender just told me they ran out of 12- year Glenlivet.
So I'm thinking we take this party up a notch and go 18?
Oh, yeah! Let's do it!
Great. 'Cause I like my scotch like I like my women:
of legal consenting age.
You used to treat women really badly, huh?
I'm about to give my speech.
Where is everyone?
恶 不了 她是我见过最奇葩的人要知道我曾追过摇滚狂人泰德·纳金特的巡演
Sisters are supposed to give speeches at these things, right?
Well, I guess that's true at weddings.
Hard to believe Lindsay's was only four short years ago.
Lindsay, is there anything in your life you haven't aborted?
But seriously, guys...
Lindsay... is my sister.
Eh, that's all I got. Linds?
好了 我想说的就这些 琳子
"I used to be in a bad marriage
"To a very bad man.
to those I don't know.
"Simon loathed his new post
"at the New Hampshire boarding school.
"But oh, did he approve of American girls,
especially the female drama students..."
Your blisteringly dumb husband
has been texting me photos of this vile event all night.
An X over my face, is it?
Lo, the hypocrisy of the cheater celebrating her freedom.
瞧 出轨的人在庆祝她的自由 多么虚伪啊
Well, you're free, all right.
Free from having me to blame for your myriad problems.
"Myriad" means a lot.
You always held me back.
No wonder I can't swim.
No wonder I don't have a middle name.
You can no longer blame me for your life,
because I'm not in it.
You'll only have yourself to blame
when you lose your toys down the tub,
or when you bite into a chess piece
because you think it's white chocolate.
Okay, but you're not both sitting in the back this time.
Shut up. Yes, we are.
And... we're gonna sing duets
- * Drive the car - * The car *
- * Ocean Sea... * - * ocean *
What are you doing?
- There you are. - No.
After we talked, I was looking on Nextdoor,
and I realized Silver Lake Heights is highly dangerous.
Someone's Amazon package got stolen
from right off their front porch.
Apparently, two high school kids were smoking : pot in a car.
Someone smashed Marisa Tomei's jack- o- lantern.
Plus, I thought Olivia might want some cake.
It's all on Nextdoor.
Let's find you some milk.
Hey. Isn't it time for you to catch a bouquet
or put a garter back on or something?
Paul said I blame everybody else for my life.
Is everything my fault?
Because I don't do life good?
No, of course not.
So it's your fault?
Then whose fault is it?
One thing I learned in therapy is that stuff
that happens to you when you're a kid
can really screw you up as an adult.
Like, don't even get me started how my parents let me watch
Return to Oz every day.
Stuff that happened when I was a kid?
Great party, bud.
Here. My guy says it's time to settle up.
- $6,000? - Wait. Seriously?
-6000美金 -慢着 真的吗
They hooked you up.
You got to tip huge.
I thought you were paying for everything.
Edgar, why would I pay for your friend's party?
I don't... I...
I've never spent this much money before.
I just spent a thousand dollars
on sneakers designed by Kanye West.
Oh, my God, I'm gonna be sick.
- Okay. Edgar. - Oh, my God.
-没事的 埃德加 -天啊
Look at me. Edgar.
- You have such a giving spirit. - Yeah.
You deserve to drop a little green on yourself.
in a few years, when we're running
Max and Edgar Love Sketches,
six thou? That's six dollars.
It's six pennies, it's six- - it's three pennies.
是6分 6...不 就相当于3分钱
Thanks for talking me down.
After all, I do need a new main dude
now that Brent's snoobering in Colorado.
Red velvet's my favorite.
Not a real flavor.
I explicitly told you
I wasn't ready for Olivia to meet you yet.
Not a name, by the way.
Man, usually it takes a minute
for a guy's true feelings to reveal themselves.
How "I'm damaged and only good for having fun now."
- But when you said I can't meet your dau... - Hey. Dummy.
-但当你说我不能认识你女... -喂 笨蛋
I didn't want you to meet her for her sake.
Because she's a child and I have an obligation
to not have her get attached to people too early.
Why am I even justifying myself to you?
Oh, right, because I like you.
Good- bye, Gretchen.
And Boone is totally a real name.
It's just that I have strong feelings for you.
And it hurt when you didn't think
I was worthy of meeting your daughter,
'cause she's part of you.
What I am saying is
if you want to go down the road,
I want to go down it, too... with you.
Look, I've had thoughts, too.
I might still be marriage brainwashed.
Maybe we should go for it.
I still have to take Olivia home,
or she's gonna be a real piece of shit in the morning.
Let's hang tomorrow, okay?
Uh, let's go, sweetie.
Adrienne, please come out.
And bring towels, for God's sake.
I always get too drunk at these things.
Oh, God. My whole career is a lie.
How can I write erotica when I've never even had an orgasm?
What? You totally...
What are they like, Jimmy?
I've heard it's like
when you have to pee really bad, and then you do.
Is that what it's like?
Well, I don't want to rub it in, but they're kind of
the only truly transcendent thing in this world.
Oh, I hate myself.
I use the thesaurus app with everything I write.
I give talks on body positivity,
but I bought a waist trainer on the Internet.
The patio door is stuck again.
Well, there's, um, WD- 40 in the garage.
That usually does it.
How is the work trip?
I learned there's a whole genre of erotica
that's just women having sex with werewolves.
What? We talking wolf- human sex?
And quite often, they're historical werewolves.
Like werewolves who are also Civil War soldiers and shit?
Jimmy, that's hella hot.
You got to bring me one of those books.
I have two in my bag.
So you won't believe who showed up
to Lindsay's divorce party tonight.
Divorce party, where?
Shh, don't worry about it.
guess who walked in?
- And barf, but he might be secret hot now. - Yes!
-该死的 他现在似乎隐隐有点性感 -没错
I thought the same thing.
He looks like a hot Nazi.
Like Ralph in The Sound of Music.
Anyway, so Paul comes in
cackling like a super villain...