Okay. I'll -- I'll get that.
得 您待着 我-我来接
Hey, Manny's getting his outfit together
for the dance tonight.
I was just taking some supplies out to the car.
Isn't this exciting -- the boys' first dance?
Greatest day of my life.
Does Phil have a green pocket square for him?
I don't know. I don't think Phil's
really a pocket-square kind of a guy.
Why don't we conference in Mitch?
Ay! Look. This might work.
Well, except that it's turquoise...
Do you think the kids in my village had pocket squares?
Here we go with the village.
- Dad, are you still there? - Unfortunately, yes.
-爸 还在听不 -很不幸 我还在
Please ask Claire what time
do I need to be at the school to help set up.
Gloria wants to know --
No, I heard. I heard.
不用重复 我听着了 听着了
Um, tell her thank you so much,
but we have all the help we could possibly need,
and she doesn't even have to come tonight
- if she doesn't want to. - Claire said --
- Where are you? - Oh, we're at the park.
You would not believe
how some of these people dress their kids.
Lily's friend just pulled a Britney Spears
getting out of a sandbox car.
So, dad's on the line.
Do you he a teal pocket square for Manny?
Cam, Manny needs a teal pocket square.
Oh, I've got teal, I've got aqua, i've got sea foam...
我有青色的 水蓝色的 浅蓝色的
- Yeah, Cam's got one. - Cam's got one.
Oh, you know what? I lent it to Andre.
Ah. He lent it to Andre.
Now I got to go to the mall.
Oh, hey! Luke has to go to the mall, too.
Let's go, Incredible Hulk.
Uh, is that ur little girl over there -- Lily?
- Yes. Look at her. - Yes.
-是啊 看她多可爱 -是啊
Uh, well, this is a little bit awkward,
but she bit Tyler.
I -- I don't even know what to say.
She's never done anything like that before.
How did it happen?
I don't know. I didn't see.
It's time to play everyone's favorite game.
"Let's blame the gay dads"!
You know who had straight parents?
- Shall we go on? - Naomi Campbell.
I-I know it happened.
He's got bite marks on his arm.
Oh, gosh, someone really sunk their teeth into you, huh?
It's 'cause you're such a yummy little guy!
Our daughter didn't do that.
- But he said -- - Right.
He's probably just confused.
You know who I bet did it, though?
Billy. Rhymes with Lily.
Plus, he is very aggressive.
His babysitter's right over there.
She's -- she's not much of a disciplinarian.
Because I can assure you,
if our child did something like this,
we would be on her like white on rice.
亚洲人爱吃大米 大米是白色的 白色与大米指不分彼此 此处指黏着莉莉
And I know that sounds a little bit like a racial slur,
because we're white and she presumably likes rice,
but I didn't intend it that way.
Ah. Finally. There's a spot.
Guys, I am just bursting with pride right now.
Your first dance.
Soon you're gonna be men.
I want you to know there's more to be a man
than just shopping for fancy outfits.
Yep. Pretty soon, you get some hair on your chest,
you start answering the phone,
people don't think you're ladies.
Come on, today, Miss Daisy.
Actually, Miss Daisy was the one being driven,
not the one driving.
It's called "Driving Miss Daisy".
You got a real lip on you today. You know that?
Hey! That was our spot!
What are you doing?
You're gonna let him snake your spot?
Boys, here's the only thing you got to know
about being a man --
never let someone take what is yours.
Unless it's just a parking spot
and there's plenty of others.
That's sweet, Phil. You ought to write that down.
好贴心哦 菲尔 真该把这写下来
You got any lipstick in your purse?
I love Jay. Are you kidding me?
Yeah, he gives me a hard time,
but that's the deal with a father-in-law.
I never let him see just how much it devastates me.
That's what I said -- "Dumphy."
- Say "done". - Done.
- Say "fee". - Fee.
- "Done-fee". - "Dumphy".
All right, just bring it this way?
This way -- there it is.
Perfect. Thank you. Perfect.
很好 谢谢 很完美
- What? - Can you ask Gus to fix that light?
I asked him, but he just growled at me.
Gus, stop scaring Bethenny and fix the light, please?
格斯 别吓唬贝瑟妮了 请你快去把灯修了吧
Don't make me come over there.
I'm busy. You fix it.
Is this because I said
i wouldn't come to the dance with you?
Gus, I'm a married woman. People would talk.
格斯 我已为人妻了 别人会说闲话的
One dance with me, you'd forget all about him.
Yeah, I already have a husband who doesn't fix lights.
This school would literally fall apart without you.
Well, I don't know about "literally"，but...
Ihola, hola! I'm here!
Oh, you came anyway.
I think it's great, too.
A few weeks ago, they asked for someone
to be in charge of the school dance,
The school asks for volunteers
so that everybody will feel included,
but who are they kidding?
They want me to do it.
I've put on every school dance since Haley was 12.
They made us co-chairs,
which means we're supposed to do everything together,
but Claire won't take any of my ideas.
She suggested an "Arabian nights" theme.
Isn't it a little soon?
Okay. Um, hey, everybody?
Do you know Gloria, Manny's mom?
She's here to help us out today.
So, the kids are gonna be here in two hours,
so everybody back to work.
Everybody back to work.
And I just co-said it.
I mean, the nerve of that lady accusing Lily?
Mm. Well, you know what? You can't change people, Cam.
江山易改 本性难移 小卡
I mean, we just have to rise above.
Ohh! Ah! She did it again!
It's like "Twilight" back here!
No! No ice cream for you, Billy,
不行 没有雪糕吃 比利
because the lady say you biting!
Okay. Okay. Go. Go.
好吧 快走 快走
- Yeah. - Go, go, go.
-好的 -快 快 快
Are you sure this is teal?
'Cause I'm starting to get a real strong green thing here.
That's the fluorescent lights.
Do you mind if I walk this over to lamps galore?
I need you to worry about this less.
Guess who fit into the suit on the mannequin
and saved us 20%?
Here's something I didn't know about mannequins --
they don't have a wiener.
What the heck is that?
It's a nicer word for "penis".
No, I mean, what the heck is this?
不是 我是说 这是什么鬼东西
I just grabbed the first one I saw.
Well, grab a different one.
Uh, I think we were here first.
I just have one thing. I'm in a big rush.
That's fine. Go ahead.
Jay, it's not a big deal.
And can you give me the sale prices
for some things I bought last week?
Oh, for god's sake!
Now, this is what i'm talking about, boys.
You give people an inch, they'll run all over you.
Or you could just be nice -- pay it forward.
They don't make movies out of bad ideas.
All I know is you got to fight for what you want.
If there's one job available,
this guy just got it,
and they go hungry at the "Dumphys'".
Okay, I don't get it. Why is she biting?
Lily, why are you biting?
She's not biting. She's teething.
All right, if she starts biting her play dates,
she's gonna be a pariah.
All right, you should also know that I in no way --
in no way -- blame you.
- Well, thank you. Why would you blame me? - I don't.
-那多谢了 你为啥要怪我 -我没有
Well, good, because I don't blame you.
Uh, okay, well, now I'm starting to feel the blame.
No. No. Don't -- it's...
没 我没有 好吧 是因为
it's just that you're with her all day.
I have a daughter who bites and a partner who stings.
Okay. Okay, you want to know the truth?
Sometimes you've sent her some mixed signals.
I'm gonna bite your feet!
I'm gonna bite 'em right off!
Oh, I'm not the one who uses my teeth like a multi-tool.
Here we go. Cookies for Lily...
I can't believe you would equate --
Oh, don't bite my head off.
I'm not a pack of batteries.
Un poquito mas aca. Es perfecto all.
Ay, good. Bellissimo.
Why is this box here?!
I am sorry -- we did,
because we were moving the tables.
Well, why are you moving the tables?
So the kids have more space to dance.
It's better this way.
Is it really, Gloria?
Because right now it kind of just looks like
a clump of tables and a big open space.
but we've always done it this way,
and I think it's gonna throw people off
if you move them around.
Oh, my god, these tables look great!
We haven't been properly introduced.
- I'm Gloria. - I'm Bethenny.
I don't know if anybody's ever told you this,
but you're really pretty.
No. No, Bethenny. No one's ever told her that.
不 不 贝瑟妮 没人跟她这么说过
I am seriously freaking out
You know what? Let's just put a pin in
where we're gonna put the tables.
Yes, we're keeping the tables!
So what else can I do?
help me with the chairs.
We need a lot of them.
They're under the stage right...here.
It's like dirty and dark there, no?
Yeah, I know. Bummer, right?
Smells funny, Claire!
So sorry. Keep goin'!
We needed chairs.
What are you guys talking about?
No, nothing. He was just saying
how much he loves the tables.
If I had the receipt,
I wouldn't need you to look it up.
At this rate, I'm going to miss the first dance...
at my wedding!
I thought he only had one item.
Tell your dad, if it were up to me,
we'd have been in and out of here in about 10 minutes.
And I'll probably mention it again,
because, thanks to someone,
we're gonna be here for a while.
You know, Luke, you should order that suit in a larger size,
知道吗 卢克 你应该买套大号的西服
- because by the time we get out of here - I...get...it.
Where the hell are you going?
You're playing a very dangerous game.
the guy that stole our parking spot.
- Are you going to hit him? - I'd totally hit him.
I'm not gonna hit him,
but I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind.
Now, boys, pay attention -- you want to be men,
筒子们 注意了 要想当爷们儿
this is how you handle a jerk like this.
You know, you stole our parking space today.
- What? - That's right.
I was waiting for the parking space,
You sneaked right in there --
that make you feel like a big man?
Did I? I didn't even notice.
That's no excuse.
My dog died today.
I had to put him to sleep.
he was all I had.
Now I can't stand the thought
of going back to my empty apartment,
So I just keep wandering around the mall.
You know what? Forget about the...
That was his name!
You made that sound like a question,
then you didn't wait for me to answer.
- What? - Here, let me show you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You go --
You go, "Oasis for men"?
你说 喷点 男士香水
You see what I mean? You went, "Oasis for men"?
懂不 你说了 喷点 男士香水
You should have said, "Oasis for men"?
Then I'd go, "Yeah, give me two".
But instead, you went, "Oasis for men".
但是你说 喷点 男士香水
- Okay. I get it. - You see what I mean?
- I-I get it. I get it. - No, I'm not sure you do!
You sprayed before "Men"!
You went, "Oasis for men".
你说 喷点 男士香水
- Okay. Okay. - Men!
- Men! Men! - Stop it! Stop it!
- Men! Men! Men! Men! - Stop it!
- Men! Men! Men! Men! - Stop it!
Men! Men! Men! Men! Men!
我喷 我喷 我喷喷喷
I don't know what happened.
I don't know what happened.
Look, I might've come down on you a little bit hard today.
I remember pretending to go look for some socks...
I mean, it's, uh, my fault.
I pushed your buttons.
My father-in-law was the same way with me.
Grandpa Lucas? He was a sweetheart.
Yeah, after the stroke mellowed him out good.
Before? An animal.
We named Luke after him.
Everything I did was wrong.
If I said it was white, he'd say it was black.
Although he never said anything was black
'cause he was a pretty big racist.
I wear his watch.
I hated him. Hated him.
And I was thinking -- I don't know --
I don't want you to think the same way about me.
You ever think about maybe
not being a jerk to me so much?
Now, see, you got to stop taking that stuff personally.
I'm like that with everybody.
I don't like to take guff!
Or people's feelings into consideration.
I can't swear my way's the right way.
I see you smiling, skipping around,
and I think sometimes -- I don't know --
maybe the boys would be better off
if they were a little bit more like you.
You know, skipping burns more calories than running.
He didn't tell me, but what'd you do to that guy, huh?
Did you get him?
Yeah, I sprayed him with cologne.
No, but, like, a lot of cologne.
I just, like, got way up in there.
Did you find anything yet?
Yes, there's a whole section on biting
on this Mommy forum.
Oh, good. What does it say?
Uh, "My son was biting,
so I got a stranger to yell at him”.
"Being disciplined by someone else outside the family
scared him into stopping."
- Idiots! - Cam!
What? I am not hiring some hobo
to come over here and traumatize my child.
She's already prone to flashbacks,
if you know what I mean.
Yeah, you know she didn't fight in Vietnam, right?
I don't know anything anymore.
What else does it say?
Okay, well, this one says,
"When my daughter bit her brother,
I put a pinch of pepper in her mouth".
"She cried and cried, but she never bit again".
Oh, well, the smiley face makes it okay.
"I waterboarded our toddler --
Well, all right, what do you suggest we do?
That we log off the Spanish inquisition website
and handle this with love.
take a bite of an apple, take a bite of a pear
take a bite of the cookie that you left over there
Here's one thing you should never do.
Don't bite Taylor or Brandon or Sue
泰勒 布兰登 苏小小
because people aren't food. People aren't food
Your friends will run away
if they're scared of being chewed
and as a side note,
private parts are private
I know you're being sarcastic,
but you don't know that it's not.
- Did she just bite you again? - No.
That is it. I am getting the pepper!
N -- no, you are not.
Cam, you're not doing her any favors by being soft.
Oh, well, then, why don't you just skip the pepper,
I'll get some pliers, and we'll pull her teeth now!
Play relax! It's a seasoning.
Okay. Well, then, why don't you try some?
- Stop. - No. Try a little.
- Stop it. Stop it, Cam. Stop it. - No, try a little bit.
-小卡 别这样 -尝一个嘛
Don't you hit me. Here. Put some in there.
- No! Well... - Ow! You bit me! Mm!
Why don't you sing me a song about it?
Oh, look at you two in your matching ties!
- Don't get me started. - Ohh, come here.
Luke, sweetie, aryou wearing cologne?
卢克 亲爱的 你喷古龙水了吗
No. Dad attacked the perfume guy
and then hugged me.
I saw the boys in those adorable little suits,
and it made me realize this dance is about them.
and my petty little competition with...
Just look at the walls in here.
Who wears that to a kids' dance?
I know. She looks amazing.
Okay, I'm gonna slow things down
with a blast from the past
for our chaperones.
I'm fine. I'm fine.
I need a paper towel.
I'm sorry. I didn't see you.
Of course you didn't. Of course you didn't.
'Cause it's gloria's night.
It's all about Gloria, Gloria, Gloria!
When you're done getting married...
maybe you can mop this up a little.
It's this damn uniform.
Okay, we need to talk.
No. I am fine. I do not need to talk.
不 我很好 我不需要谈
Well, you've been pushing me away the whole week.
You've been fighting all my ideas.
That's because this is my thing, Gloria.
Why can't it be my thing, too, Claire?
Because everything is your thing!
This -- this is the one thing that was my thing.
This is my only thing.
Oh my god, this is my only thing.
And then you come along and you steal my thunder
with your tight dresses and your great ideas.
I was the one that all the moms looked up to.
I was the only one that Gus liked.
You like him so much, you can keep him.
It's not the same now that I know he likes you.
That sounds really insane,
but this isn't actually about gus.
Really? Because you've been talking a lot about him.
Gloria, Gus is a symbol.
Stop it, Gloria. I'm already crying.
别说了 歌洛莉亚 我都哭了
Claire...I didn't come here to steal your thunder.
Your thunder is your thunder,
and my thunder is my thunder.
I know. It's just that god gave you so much thunder.
Yeah, maybe too much.
I hate how those women look at me.
You think I don't know what they're thinking?
"Ah, here comes the hot one with the big boobies
that is gonna steal my husband".
And maybe they don't let their kids play with Manny.
I volunteer because I want them to see
that there's so much more to me.
Why didn't you tell me that?
Maybe for the same reason you didn't tell me
you had a weird thing for Gus --
Okay. I am sorry.
I made this whole thing
into some ridiculous competition,
You're not pathetic.
Okay, that's a little bit sad.
We like to think we're so smart
and we have all the answers.
And we want to pass all that on to our children.
if you scratch beneath the surface,
you don't have to dig very deep to find the kid you were.
Which is why it's kind of crazy
that now we're raising kids of our own.
You know what? This is a milestone.
We're accepting that our little angel isn't perfect.
That's right. And it's okay.
I-I take it back --
But I guess that's the real circle of life.
Your parents faked their way through it,
you fake your way through it,
you don't raise a serial killer.
No,just come over watching movie
put the whole thing behind you.
Okay, see you in a bit.
That was Longines. He's in a very bad place.
Oh, no. What happened?
Well, apparently some maniac went crazy at the mall
and attacked him with oasis for men.
Oh. Well, I think we all knew that day was coming.
All right. Wish me luck.
Please don't hurt daddy.