Come on, let's go.
We're gonna need a little more time
at the airport security because I'm pretty sure
that they're gonna wanna patch you down.
Manny is with his father for the weekend
so Jay and I are flying to Vegas.
I'm a little torn because I want alone time with Gloria,
but I also like rubbing Manny's head for good luck.
I just need to send this e-mail to Claire
why I'm not working on the bake sale next week,
but I can't say the real reason.
Because she drives me crazy
when she's in charge of these things.
Okay. We got a flight to catch, so let me help you out here.
好吧 我们还要赶飞机 所以我就来帮帮你吧
You tell me what you want to say to her,
and I'll help you find a nice way to say it.
I can't work on the bake sale
because you're a bossy control freak
that looks down on my cupcakes
even though your lemon squares were very dry.
"Dear claire, I can't work the bake sale
because you're a bossy control freak who look down --"
I -- I -- why the whoosh?
我 我 刚才那呼呼的声音是怎么回事
Where is -- where is the e-mail?
It sended! Ay. Make it come back.
I don't know how to make it come back.
Now she's gonna read it,
and she's gonna think it's from me!
Well, technically, it was from you.
Come on, let's hit the road.
We love our neighborhood, but sometimes the last thing
you want to do after fighting traffic
is get back in the car to go out to eat.
And the only restaurant within walking distance
Two Shawarma combo. Meat or chicken?
Uh, one meat. One chicken.
And can you make the chicken all white meat?
Number 32. Pay cashier.
Okay, that's not an answer.
Then a miracle happened.
Uh, the hottest new restaurant in the city
opened up two blocks away --
But there was a problem.
They can take us at 5:15...
What are we, 80?
What are we, 20?
Then...miracle number two.
Turns out one of the mothers at Lily's pre-school
is none other than Amelia herself.
So we arranged a play date with her son, Jackson,
where we would, you know, charm Amelia.
The most important play date ever,
so I'm really gonna need you to sparkle, sweetie.
Oh, I'm gonna sparkle like it's the 4th of July.
I was talking to Lily.
It's our parents' anniversary,
so we're surprising them with breakfast in bed.
They're impossible to buy for...
We've never really tried.
- I'm sorry! - Nothing's happening!
Yeah, our kids walked in on us.
- We were, as they say, "having sex." - Oh, god.
-委婉地说 我们当时正在做爱 -天啊
That's not a euphemism, Phil.
It's exactly what we were doing -- having sex.
In front of our children.
Well, they weren't there when we started.
In fact, you weren't even there when we sta...
事实上 我们刚开始的时候 你也不在状态
Oh, my god. Oh, my god.
It's okay. Maybe they didn't see anything.
Sweetie, t-they screamed, they dropped a tray of dishes,
亲爱的 他们尖叫 还把一托盘的早餐都扔了
and then they ran out of here like they were on fire.
You were on fire, lady.
Really? You're still going?
Well, forgive me for thinking
your zesty performance deserves some praise.
Phil, our children are downstairs right now,
and they are probably traumatized.
Oh, come on. I'm sure it's not that bad.
I can still see it!
I can't believe that just happened!
- What were they doing? - Nothing!
Whatever it was, it looked like dad was winning.
It! They were doing it!
He has no idea what you're taking about.
I know what sex is, Alex.
It's when a man and a woman take off their underpants
and then get into the bed.
Try Claire again.
I'm not getting a signal.
Relax. We'll get her.
Hey, shorty told me about this restaurant in Vegas
that's got a three-story wine tower
right in the middle of it.
The guy who gets your wine flies around on a wire.
Like the "Peter Pan".
No. Not like the "Peter Pan".
This is a high-end place.
Oh, yeah, because all the finest restaurants in the world
have people flying around on wires.
You know, you used to go bananas
when a Japanese guy flipped a shrimp onto your plate.
Now look at you.
- Try her again. - Fine.
And just so you know, it's not like Peter Pan.
I mean, nobody wears tights or anything.
Well, if they're not wearing anything,
I don't want them flying over my food.
Phil, it's me. Can I talk to Claire?
菲尔 是我 能让克莱尔接电话吗
Yeah. One second, Jay.
好的 稍等 杰
- It's your dad. - No. No, no. Can't. Unh-unh.
-是你爸 -不不不 不接
She doesn't want to talk right now.
- Ay, no. - Why not?
Uh, she's a little too upset.
Phil, put her on.
He says he wants to --
She says I have to go.
You know, she's my daughter and everything,
but that guy seriously needs to grow a pair.
Vegas, here we come.
Only 'cause I want to.
This is a-a beautiful home.
I love the throwback to the '60s.
Although if this was the '60s,
we'd be a couple of "confirmed bachelors",
and Lily would be a Yorkie.
And I'd still be trapped in a loveless marriage.
I really like you guys.
I mean, I haven't had a lot of time
to meet the other parents.
You know, single mom, hectic work schedule...
Now, what do you do, Amelia?
I own a few restaurants.
I just opened one nearby.
Oh, my gosh. Are you that Amelia?
We've heard wonderful things about the restaurant.
It must be doing well.
We can never seem to get a r -- a reservation.
- Can't get in. - Can't.
Oh, well, that's no problem.
The next time you call, just tell them --
Oh, I'm sorry. Tell them what?
Well, did you show it to him? And what did he say?
Okay. Uh, hold on a second.
I'm gonna switch phones.
I'm sorry. It's the restaurant.
Excuse me just a minute.
You said to tell them something.
When we know what to say, we're in.
Oh! This is very exciting.
I've never had an in at a restaurant before.
They'll probably greet us at the door by our names,
也许我们一到 他们就会在门口迎接我们 还叫得出我们的名字
show us to our favorite table...
They'll let us play fast and loose with the menu,
order lunch things for dinner, dinner things for lunch!
- It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. - Cameron!
-没事 没事 没事 -卡梅隆
- It's fine. - Stop moving.
Put him on the phone.
Oh, that's the baby monitor. Should we turn it off?
Who am I speaking to?
you need to replace the extremely expensive countertop
that one of your incompetent workers clearly ruined
when he was supposed to be fixing the refrigerator.
Okay, this is why she's so successful.
She's tough but calm.
Because I'm not an idiot!!
As is evidenced by my law degree,
which I will happily dust off and use to crush you in court
if you don't fix it, replace it,
or send me a check in the next 72 hours.
You know what? Stay right there.
Act like you weren't listening.
What does that look like?
I have to run down to the restaurant for a minute.
I really feel terrible asking,
but do -- would you guys mind --
- Oh, it's not a problem. We'll watch the kids. - Okay.
-没问题 我们会帮你照看孩子 -好的
Oh, yes, you go take care
of that fabulous restaurant of yours
that we cannot wait to try.
And when we do call, Amelia, you said to --
Jackson, mommy will be right back.
Okay. Thanks, you guys, so much.
I owe you big time.
She owes us big time.
You know, she also has that restaurant in Las Vegas
where the sommeliers fly around on wires.
Oh, my gosh. Lily, thank you for being such a trouper
天呐 莉莉 谢谢你这么讨那边那位
with Mr. Personality over there.
I'm gonna get you a treat.
Oh, a juice box broke in here. It's all wet inside.
Will you stop gasping? It's just a diaper --
Okay. We need a game plan.
We need to rehearse exactly what we're gonna say
because that is the only way I'm gonna hold it together
when my babies are looking at me
with judgment and disgust.
First of all, that's how they always look at us.
Secondly, this isn't as traumatic as you think.
Honey, I walked in on my parents having sex once.
It was -- oh -- awful.
I can't even get the image out of my mind.
Claire, we're not your parents. We're in much better shape.
克莱尔 我们不像你的父母 咱俩状态好多了
Okay. You want to know the worst thing?
They didn't even talk about it.
They just let it hang there.
I'm not gonna do that to our kids.
this is a defining moment for us as parents.
How we handle this could shape how they feel
about sex and intimacy for the rest of their lives!
Honey, this is only a big deal if we make it a big deal.
亲爱的 只要咱俩不小题大做 这就不是什么大事
We set the tone here. So let's just play it cool.
Act like it was a big, funny mix-up.
Crack a few jokes. Lighten the mood.
What kind of jokes?
I'm just spitballin' here, but --
What if I was all, "Knock, knock"...
and they were like, "Who's there"?
And I was all, "Someone who doesn't want to see
their parents doing it.
That's why we knocked".
Again, this is -- this is very rough.
Why are they still up there?
How long does sex take?
Oh, my god. Stop talking.
Did you guys notice
that dad had the same look on his face
as when he smells a new car?
I need to go to camp.
This is gonna be so weird when they come down.
Let's just go. Okay? Come on.
我们走吧 好吗 走吧
Wait. But I'm hungry.
We'll get breakfast. Let's just go. Come on!
我们去买早餐 走吧 快走
Where are you going?
Where is your mother? I need to talk to her.
I don't think it's a good time right now.
She won't come out of her room.
She's really upset, isn't she?
Tell me exactly what she said.
I don't know. There was just a lot of screaming.
Where was your father when all this was going on?
Oh, he was right behind her.
Oh! It's not coming out! It's not coming out!
Blot! Don't rub! Blot!
要吸干那些果汁 不要擦 要吸
We are beyond blotting and rubbing.
I think we've moved on to sweating and crying.
Okay, okay. Let's not panic.
好了 好了 不要慌
We'll just -- we'll tell Amelia what happened,
and then we'll pay to have it cleaned.
What if it can't be cleaned, Mitchell?!
Okay, okay. Then we'll pay for a new rug.
This is a limited-edition alpaca hand-made stark rug!
I saw it in Architectural Digest.
It cost $50,000. It was in Diane Keaton's house.
Oh, no, it was in, oh, what's-her-name's house.
不是 是那个 那个叫什么名字
Um, from "Prizzi's Honor".
From -- uh, oh, oh, she was in "Addams Family".
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh! Oh, my god. $50,000 for a rug?!
Cam, we don't have that kind of money.
Maybe she won't make us pay.
I mean, we wouldn't make someone pay
if this happened to us.
Did you not hear her on the phone?
"Fix it. Replace it. Write me a check".
给我修好它 换掉它 开赔款支票给我
She probably has that embroidered on a pillow.
Right next to a jar of human tears.
Maybe we can turn this around.
How? It looks like someone bled out over here.
No. I mean the rug.
Maybe we can turn the whole rug around,
put it under the couch.
See? No one would ever know it's there.
Well, you know, we would know.
天知 地知 你知 我知
What are you thinking?
You don't want to know.
No, tell me, 'cause I'm --
不 说来听听吧 因为我
I think I'm thinking the same thing.
I seriously doubt that,
because now I'm thinking it was Joan Collins' house.
Gloria, what are you -- what are you doing here?
歌洛莉亚 你 你来干吗
Wait, where are the kids?
They told me that you were very upset.
- Oh, god. -And you have every right to be.
Claire, it was an accident.
That doesn't make it any better.
Okay, you're right. I know how you feel.
好吧 你说的没错 我了解你的感受
- Oh, god. - It happened to me before,
with another woman.
And that time, I was the one getting it.
And it hurt.
I'm sorry it had to come out like this,
but you have to admit that you're only happy
when you're the one cracking the whip.
We all know how you ride Phil.
But maybe if you just let go a little,
maybe even taste my cupcakes,
I will join you.
No -- unh-unh. No. No.
使 使 使不得
I-I am so confused right now.
What are you talking about?
What are you talking about?
The kids just walked in on
me and Phil I-in bed.
And we've just spent the last hour
holed up in our room
trying to figure out what to say to them.
That's what I'm talking about.
Can I use your computer? I just need to check one e-mail.
Yeah, the kitchen.
Gloria, I just switched us to the next flight.
Now, did you guys get everything straightened out?
Claire is very upset
because the kids just walk in on them having sex.
Oh, then we're all up to speed.
She's so upset that she hasn't even had time
to apply her make-up or use her computer.
W-what are you even doing here, dad?
I don't think you should be the one
doing the questioning here, missy.
Don't get mad at her.
Your wife's the one who just offered up her cupcakes.
Good thing we had mom's gas card.
Don't make me regret buying you that lighter, dude.
Okay, I'm just gonna say it.
Our parents are totally irresponsible.
And I'm not just talking about us walking in
on their...little freak show earlier.
No. We're lucky to be alive.
How often do they let Luke go -- go to school
in shorts in the winter?
And they let me ride in the front seat
before I was 60 pounds.
And they never shut the gate
at the top of the stairs when we were babies.
Do you know how many times you fell on your head?
We get it -- it was bad.
it's better than having parents who fight all the time.
My friend Jacob's parents are getting divorced.
He has to move out of his house.
They told him last week.
He'll get used to it.
Half of my friends' parents are divorced.
So it's a good thing mom and dad still do sex.
这么说来 爸妈依然嘿咻 这是件好事
Better than mom leaving the stove on,
which she's done twice this month.
I just realized we haven't even gotten
to the worst part of it yet.
They're gonna want to talk about it.
Their parents never talked about anything,
so they want to talk about everything.
Yeah, they called a family meeting
when we switched to 1% milk.
I don't know where those kids are.
What is more important
than putting a working lock on a bedroom door?
You are one to talk.
What is that supposed to mean?
when I walked in on you and mom that time?
Gloria, can we please go now?!
So why don't you just get off your high horse, dad.
At least I am trying to handle this
better than the two of you did.
What did we do?
You made gimlets and went back to your room.
What were we supposed to do?
You -- you -- you could have talked to me.
你 你 你们可以跟我谈谈啊
You could have made sure that I was okay.
Want to talk about it?
Your mother and I were watching
a particularly racy episode of "Hart to Hart".
Stefanie Powers had to go undercover as a call girl.
- Mnh-mnh. Dad. - Hang on.
-够了 老爸 -还没说完呢
This whole story makes more sense
if you know I got a thing for thigh-high boots.
Oh, gross! Gross. You are ruining sex for me,
Working okay for you?
I was sending an e-mail to my brother in Colombia.
Um, I was telling him about Claire.
You know, I realize there's so much I don't know about her.
Like, for example, what is her favorite word?
Or what was her first pet's name?
Gloria, I'm not an idiot.
Are you trying to get Claire's password?
I sent her something by mistake.
I need to get into Claire's e-mail
to erase it before she sees it.
Before I see what?
Before I see what?
It's so embarrassing.
You see, Jay and I --
It's a naked picture of Gloria.
I was gonna send it to Jay.
You see everything. The whole body.
- I need to sit. - Okay.
So, you just got done giving me a lecture
on the importance of locking my bedroom door
while in my house to retrieve naked pictures
that your wife accidentally sent me.
The irony is just occurring to me.
What I'm doing...is deleting it.
Let's go to Vegas!
Do us a favor -- no pictures.
Oh, Gloria, listen.
We do need to talk about the bake sale at some point.
I have some concerns.
- Of course you do. - Yes. - All right!
-意料之中 -是啊 -走咯
What do we do now?
Okay, I'm really afraid
of reading this situation the wrong way,
but I'm 80% sure you're coming on to me.
Mitchell, we need to make a decision.
It was the perfect plan.
Turn the rug, and she wouldn't find the stain for years.
But we couldn't do it.
There are certain moments in life that define you,
and this is one of those moments.
Oh, guys, I'm so sorry that took so long.
Oh, my god. What happened here?
He grabbed Lily's strawberry juice and started drinking it.
Before we could stop him, it was all over everything.
- Oh, my god. Oh, my god! - We are horrible people.
-天啊 天啊 -我们真是一对烂人呀
I'm only following your lead.
Yeah, so close that you stepped on the back of my shoe.
- Come here. Jackson's allergic to strawberries. - What?
-过来 杰克逊对草莓过敏 -什么
His throat will close up,
and he can go into anaphylactic shock.
I need to inject him right now!
Oh! Are you sure? He seems all right to me.
Yeah, maybe just get him some fresh air.
Stop talking! He really hates this.
And so I'm gonna need you
to help me pin down his arms and his legs, okay?
- You know what? - Jackson, honey,
-实际上 -杰克逊 宝贝儿
mommy's so sorry to have to do this,
- Amelia -- - but it's only gonna hurt for a second.
Okay. Hurry. Here we go.
好的 快点 准备打了
Jackson didn't drink the juice!
I stepped on Lily's bag and a juice box fell and we panicked
because we heard you on the phone
and we can't afford Joan Collins' rug!
We are so, so sorry. We could not feel any worse.
Oh, no. That's bad.
- Number 19! - Yeah. Yeah.
-十九号 -来了 来了
Oh, uh, can we have some napkins, please?
All out of napkins.
Paper towels in bathroom, Mitchell.
He knows your name!
And, uh...I'm just gonna say it --
I'm really sorry about what happened.
Well, we're -- we're not sorry about what happened.
We're sorry that you saw what happened.
Yeah, okay. They -- they get that.
好了 他们 他们明白的
Uh, no one wants to see their parents...
- Your sensuality... - ...not dressed.
Basically, it's two adults.
It's like you're shaking hands.
But you're not using your hands at all.
I can't handle a big family talk about this.
We're not gonna have a choice.
So when they start talking,
just smile and nod and think about something else.
Yeah, it's easy. Just like at school.
没错 这很容易 就像在学校上课一样
So, I-I guess what I'm saying here
is that as you get older
and...explore your sexuality, you will discover
that as long as you are in a committed relationship
with consenting adults,
there's really nothing to be embarrassed about.
And let's face it -- your mom can't keep her hands off me
whenever the gun show comes to town.
Humor makes difficult situations easier!
You talked to us on our level
but without being condescending!
I think we really handled that well.
Me too. You were excellent.
You were pretty good.
Ugh, this is such a weird day.
It always is.
Hey mom, can I get --
Oh, my god! Enough!
Your anniversary present.
That's very sweet.
We'll use it all the time.
We thought the lock was a really good idea.
The problem is it makes a noise.
It's hard for me to look at dad afterwards.