摩登家庭 第二季 Modern Family Season 2 第13集: Caught in the Act

上映日期: 2,010

语言: 英语

影片类型: 喜剧 / 家庭

导演: Jason Winer

演员: 艾德·奥尼尔 / 索菲娅·维加拉 / 朱丽·鲍温 / 泰·布利尔 / 杰西·泰勒·弗格森 / 艾瑞克·斯通斯崔特 / 萨拉·海蓝德 / 阿芮尔·温特 / 诺兰·古德 / 里克·罗德里格兹


台词
Come on, let's go.
快点 出门啦
We're gonna need a little more time
我们要早点去 预留点多一点时间
at the airport security because I'm pretty sure
过机场的安检 因为我确信
that they're gonna wanna patch you down.
他们肯定会多留你一会儿
Manny is with his father for the weekend
曼尼这周末在他爸爸那
so Jay and I are flying to Vegas.
所以我和杰要飞去拉斯维加斯度周末
I'm a little torn because I want alone time with Gloria,
我有点左右为难 因为我既想和歌洛莉亚过二人世界
but I also like rubbing Manny's head for good luck.
又想揉揉曼尼的头 求得在赌场的好手气
I just need to send this e-mail to Claire
我得给克莱尔发封邮件
why I'm not working on the bake sale next week,
解释一下我为什么不参加下周的糕饼义卖了
but I can't say the real reason.
但我又不能告诉她真正的原因
Why not?
为什么
Because she drives me crazy
因为每次她负责这些事的时候
when she's in charge of these things.
都让我很抓狂
Okay. We got a flight to catch, so let me help you out here.
好吧 我们还要赶飞机 所以我就来帮帮你吧
Okay.
You tell me what you want to say to her,
把你想跟她说的话告诉我
and I'll help you find a nice way to say it.
我帮你改的委婉一些
I want to say...
我想说
I can't work on the bake sale
我不能去参加糕饼义卖了
because you're a bossy control freak
因为你是一个专横的控制狂
that looks down on my cupcakes
还瞧不上我做的纸杯蛋糕
even though your lemon squares were very dry.
虽然你自己做的柠檬方形蛋糕干的要命
Done. Okay?
写好了 快吧
How's this?
你看这个怎么样
"Dear claire, I can't work the bake sale
亲爱的克莱尔 我不能参加糕饼义卖了
because you're a bossy control freak who look down --"
因为你是一个专横的控制狂 还瞧不上
Very funny, Jay.
真幽默 杰
I -- I -- why the whoosh?
我 我 刚才那呼呼的声音是怎么回事
Where is -- where is the e-mail?
哪去了 电子邮件哪去了
It sended! Ay. Make it come back.
已经发送了 把它弄回来
I don't know how to make it come back.
我不知道怎么把它弄回来
Now she's gonna read it,
这下她会看到这封邮件
and she's gonna think it's from me!
然后认为是我写的
Well, technically, it was from you.
严格来说 确实是你写的
Come on, let's hit the road.
走吧 出发了
It sended.
已经发送了
Please come back.
求求你回来吧
We love our neighborhood, but sometimes the last thing
我们很喜欢这个街区 但有时候
you want to do after fighting traffic
最讨厌的事是在堵了半天车 好不容易开回家之后
is get back in the car to go out to eat.
还得再开车出门吃饭
And the only restaurant within walking distance
而步行范围内唯一的一家餐馆
is Shawarma City.
是沙威玛城
Two Shawarma combo. Meat or chicken?
两个沙威玛套餐 要猪肉还是鸡肉
Uh, one meat. One chicken.
一个猪肉 一个鸡肉
And can you make the chicken all white meat?
鸡肉那份能不能都用白肉啊
Number 32. Pay cashier.
三十二号 收银柜台付款
Okay, that's not an answer.
好吧 你根本没回答我嘛
Then a miracle happened.
然后 奇迹发生了
Uh, the hottest new restaurant in the city
城里最热门的新餐馆
opened up two blocks away --
阿米莉亚 在两个街区外
Amelia's.
开了一家分店
But there was a problem.
但有个问题
They can take us at 5:15...
五点十五分有位子
What are we, 80?
我们是七老八十吗 这么早吃饭
10:45.
要不就十点四十五
What are we, 20?
我们是二十几岁的小伙子吗 半夜才吃饭
Then...miracle number two.
接下来 第二个奇迹
Turns out one of the mothers at Lily's pre-school
莉莉学前班里一个同学的妈妈
is none other than Amelia herself.
就是阿米莉亚本尊
So we arranged a play date with her son, Jackson,
所以我们约了她的儿子杰克逊一起玩
where we would, you know, charm Amelia.
借机来取悦阿米莉亚
Okay.
好了
The most important play date ever,
史上最重要的游戏聚会
so I'm really gonna need you to sparkle, sweetie.
所以你得表现出耀眼的一面哦 小甜心
Oh, I'm gonna sparkle like it's the 4th of July.
我会像国庆日那天的烟火一样耀眼
I was talking to Lily.
我是冲莉莉说的
It's our parents' anniversary,
今天是我们爸妈的结婚纪念日
so we're surprising them with breakfast in bed.
我们准备把早餐给他们送到床头 给他们一个惊喜
They're impossible to buy for...
给他们买什么礼物 他们都不会喜欢的
We think.
我们是这么想的
We've never really tried.
但我们也没买过
Okay. Ready?
好了 准备好了吗
One, two, three...
一 二 三
Surpri-i-i--
惊喜啊啊啊
Oh. Oh! No! No!
不 不
No! No! No!
不 不 不
- I'm sorry! - Nothing's happening!
-对不起 -什么都没发生
Oh, my god.
我的天啊
Yeah, our kids walked in on us.
没错 孩子们撞见我们了
- We were, as they say, "having sex." - Oh, god.
-委婉地说 我们当时正在做爱 -天啊
That's not a euphemism, Phil.
这一点也不委婉啊 菲尔
It's exactly what we were doing -- having sex.
我们当时确实也就是在做爱
In front of our children.
还当着孩子们的面
Well, they weren't there when we started.
我们开始的时候他们又不在
No.
的确
In fact, you weren't even there when we sta...
事实上 我们刚开始的时候 你也不在状态
Oh, my god. Oh, my god.
天啊 天啊
It's okay. Maybe they didn't see anything.
没什么大不了的 没准他们什么都没看见呢
Sweetie, t-they screamed, they dropped a tray of dishes,
亲爱的 他们尖叫 还把一托盘的早餐都扔了
and then they ran out of here like they were on fire.
然后就像屁股着火了一样地冲出去了
You were on fire, lady.
你才像着火一般火辣呢 女士
Really? You're still going?
不是吧 你还有心情
Well, forgive me for thinking
请原谅我认为
your zesty performance deserves some praise.
你如此激情的表现应该得到夸奖
Phil, our children are downstairs right now,
菲尔 咱们的孩子现在正在楼下
and they are probably traumatized.
心灵上可能受到了巨大的创伤
Oh, come on. I'm sure it's not that bad.
拜托 肯定没那么严重
I can still see it!
我还是能看到
I can't believe that just happened!
我不敢相信刚刚发生的一切
- What were they doing? - Nothing!
-他们刚才在干什么 -什么都没干
Whatever it was, it looked like dad was winning.
不管是什么都好 看上去老爸要赢了
It! They were doing it!
是那个 他们在做那个
He has no idea what you're taking about.
他完全不明白你在说什么
- Sex? - Yes!
-性爱吗 -没错
I know what sex is, Alex.
我知道性爱是什么 艾丽克斯
It's when a man and a woman take off their underpants
就是一男一女脱掉内衣
and then get into the bed.
然后上床
Stop talking!
别再说了
Try Claire again.
再给克莱尔打一次
I'm not getting a signal.
手机没信号
Relax. We'll get her.
放松 我们会联系上她的
Hey, shorty told me about this restaurant in Vegas
矮子跟我说拉斯维加斯有一家餐厅
that's got a three-story wine tower
在餐厅的正中
right in the middle of it.
有个三层的红酒塔
The guy who gets your wine flies around on a wire.
给客人倒酒的服务生绑着钢索飞来飞去
Like the "Peter Pan".
就像小飞侠彼得潘一样
No. Not like the "Peter Pan".
不 不是像彼得潘
This is a high-end place.
这个地方档次很高
Oh, yeah, because all the finest restaurants in the world
是吗 世界上所有高级的餐厅里
have people flying around on wires.
都有人拉着钢索飞来飞去
You know, you used to go bananas
以前有个日本人把虾扔到你盘子里
when a Japanese guy flipped a shrimp onto your plate.
你都会抓狂到上蹿下跳
Now look at you.
你再看看你现在这副刀枪不入的样子
- Try her again. - Fine.
-再给她打一次 -好吧
And just so you know, it's not like Peter Pan.
再跟你说一次 那餐厅不是像彼得潘那样的
I mean, nobody wears tights or anything.
那些服务生不会穿紧身裤什么的
Well, if they're not wearing anything,
如果他们什么都不穿
I don't want them flying over my food.
我可不想让他们在我的食物上飞来飞去
Hello.
Phil, it's me. Can I talk to Claire?
菲尔 是我 能让克莱尔接电话吗
Yeah. One second, Jay.
好的 稍等 杰
- It's your dad. - No. No, no. Can't. Unh-unh.
-是你爸 -不不不 不接
She doesn't want to talk right now.
她现在不想说话
- Ay, no. - Why not?
-完蛋了 -为什么
Uh, she's a little too upset.
她有点伤心过度
Phil, put her on.
菲尔 让她接电话
He says he wants to --
他说他想
Hang up the phone.
把电话挂掉
I'm sorry, Jay.
抱歉 杰
She says I have to go.
她让我挂电话
You know, she's my daughter and everything,
虽然她是我亲生闺女
but that guy seriously needs to grow a pair.
但那小子真该有点骨气
Well, we tried.
我们尽力了
Vegas, here we come.
拉斯维加斯 我们来啦
Turn around the car.
掉头
Only 'cause I want to.
我这是自愿掉头 可不是被你逼的
This is a-a beautiful home.
你们家太漂亮了
I love the throwback to the '60s.
我超六十年代复古风
Although if this was the '60s,
只不过如果现在真是六十年代的话
we'd be a couple of "confirmed bachelors",
我们就是一对"坚定的独身主义者"
and Lily would be a Yorkie.
则莉莉会是一只约克夏
And I'd still be trapped in a loveless marriage.
而我则会继续被困在无爱的婚姻中
Oh, Amelia.
艾米莉亚
Oh, you are funny!
你真风趣
I really like you guys.
我真的很喜欢你们
I mean, I haven't had a lot of time
我还没有时间
to meet the other parents.
去见其他的家长
You know, single mom, hectic work schedule...
我是单身妈妈 工作又忙
Now, what do you do, Amelia?
艾米莉亚 你是做什么工作的
I own a few restaurants.
我有几家餐厅
I just opened one nearby.
我最近在附近又开了一家
Oh, my gosh. Are you that Amelia?
天呐 就是那家艾米莉亚餐厅吗
Oh, my gosh!
天呐
We've heard wonderful things about the restaurant.
我们听说那家餐厅很棒
It must be doing well.
那里生意一定很好
We can never seem to get a r -- a reservation.
我们一直都订不到位子
- Can't get in. - Can't.
-都进不去 -进不去
Oh, well, that's no problem.
这事好办
The next time you call, just tell them --
下次你打电话时 就告诉他们
Oh. One second.
等一下
Oh, I'm sorry. Tell them what?
不好意思 告诉他们什么
Hello?
Well, did you show it to him? And what did he say?
你给他看了吗 他说什么
Okay. Uh, hold on a second.
好的 等一下
I'm gonna switch phones.
我换个电话
I'm sorry. It's the restaurant.
不好意思 是餐厅的事
Excuse me just a minute.
我失陪一下
You said to tell them something.
你刚才叫我们在订位时跟他们说某句话的
Did you hear that?
你听见了吗
When we know what to say, we're in.
等我们知道该说什么了 就有特权了
Oh! This is very exciting.
太让人激动了
I've never had an in at a restaurant before.
我还从没在餐厅里享受过特权
They'll probably greet us at the door by our names,
也许我们一到 他们就会在门口迎接我们 还叫得出我们的名字
show us to our favorite table...
然后把我们带到我们最爱的桌前
They'll let us play fast and loose with the menu,
我们可以随意变换菜单
order lunch things for dinner, dinner things for lunch!
晚餐时点午饭的食物 午餐时点晚餐的食物
- It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. - Cameron!
-没事 没事 没事 -卡梅隆
- It's fine. - Stop moving.
-没事 -别动了
You there?
你还在吗
Put him on the phone.
让他接电话
Oh, that's the baby monitor. Should we turn it off?
是婴儿监护器 要关掉吗
Who am I speaking to?
你是哪位
Well...Mr. Campbell,
好吧 坎贝尔先生
you need to replace the extremely expensive countertop
你要把厨房那个非常贵的工作台面换掉
that one of your incompetent workers clearly ruined
上次叫你手下的笨蛋工人来修冰箱
when he was supposed to be fixing the refrigerator.
结果他却把工作台面弄坏了
Okay, this is why she's so successful.
这就是她这么成功的原因
She's tough but calm.
严厉但却镇定
Because I'm not an idiot!!
因为我不是白痴
As is evidenced by my law degree,
我可是法律学毕业的
which I will happily dust off and use to crush you in court
你要是不在接下来的七十二小时内
if you don't fix it, replace it,
把它给我修好 换掉
or send me a check in the next 72 hours.
或是开赔款支票给我的话 我就上法庭告死你
You know what? Stay right there.
这样吧 你呆在那
Don't move.
不要走
Act like you weren't listening.
装作你刚才什么都没听见一样
What does that look like?
怎么装
I'm so sorry.
很抱歉
I have to run down to the restaurant for a minute.
我得去一下餐厅
I really feel terrible asking,
我都不好意思说出口
but do -- would you guys mind --
但是你们介不介意
- Oh, it's not a problem. We'll watch the kids. - Okay.
-没问题 我们会帮你照看孩子 -好的
Oh, yes, you go take care
没错 你去照料
of that fabulous restaurant of yours
你那间我们迫不及待
that we cannot wait to try.
想要挤进去的餐厅
And when we do call, Amelia, you said to --
艾米莉亚 我们预约时要说什么
Jackson, mommy will be right back.
杰克逊 妈妈一会就回来
Okay. Thanks, you guys, so much.
真是太谢谢你们了
I owe you big time.
我欠你们个大人情
Did you hear that?
听到了吗
She owes us big time.
她说欠了我们很大的人情
You know, she also has that restaurant in Las Vegas
拉斯维加斯那间斟酒服务生挂着钢丝
where the sommeliers fly around on wires.
飞来飞去的餐厅也是她开的
Oh, my gosh. Lily, thank you for being such a trouper
天呐 莉莉 谢谢你这么讨那边那位
with Mr. Personality over there.
不说话的小家伙的喜欢
I'm gonna get you a treat.
我要好好地奖励你一下
Oh, a juice box broke in here. It's all wet inside.
一盒果汁漏了 里面都湿了
Will you stop gasping? It's just a diaper --
你用得着那么大惊小怪吗 只是一片尿片
Okay. We need a game plan.
好吧 我们得想个计划
We need to rehearse exactly what we're gonna say
我们要排练一下到底要说什么
because that is the only way I'm gonna hold it together
因为当我的宝贝孩子们用批判
when my babies are looking at me
和厌恶的眼神望着我时
with judgment and disgust.
那是唯一能让我不会崩溃的办法了
First of all, that's how they always look at us.
首先 他们一直都是那样看我们的
Oh, Phil.
菲尔
Secondly, this isn't as traumatic as you think.
其次 他们受的创伤没有你想象的那么大
Honey, I walked in on my parents having sex once.
亲爱的 我有一次也曾撞见我爸妈做爱
It was -- oh -- awful.
那简直 太糟糕了
I can't even get the image out of my mind.
我甚至没法把那个画面从我的脑海里抹去
Claire, we're not your parents. We're in much better shape.
克莱尔 我们不像你的父母 咱俩状态好多了
Okay. You want to know the worst thing?
好吧 你知道最糟糕的是什么吗
They didn't even talk about it.
他们连谈都不跟我谈
They just let it hang there.
他们就让那件事悬在那
I'm not gonna do that to our kids.
我不会那样对我们的孩子
Phil, this --
菲尔
this is a defining moment for us as parents.
这是我们作为家长的关键性时刻
How we handle this could shape how they feel
我们对这件事的处理方式
about sex and intimacy for the rest of their lives!
会影响他们余生对性和亲密的看法
Claire. Honey.
克莱尔 亲爱的
Honey, this is only a big deal if we make it a big deal.
亲爱的 只要咱俩不小题大做 这就不是什么大事
We set the tone here. So let's just play it cool.
这件事的基调是咱俩定的 冷静对待就是了
Act like it was a big, funny mix-up.
就把这当成是一个有趣的大混战
Crack a few jokes. Lighten the mood.
说几个笑话 缓和一下气氛
Jokes.
笑话
What kind of jokes?
怎样的笑话
Well, this is...
这是
I'm just spitballin' here, but --
我先随便举个例子
What if I was all, "Knock, knock"...
如果我说 敲门敲门
and they were like, "Who's there"?
他们会说 是谁啊
And I was all, "Someone who doesn't want to see
我就说 不想撞到
their parents doing it.
自己父母嘿咻的人
That's why we knocked".
所以我们才敲门
Again, this is -- this is very rough.
当然这还要修改一下
Why are they still up there?
他们怎么还在楼上
How long does sex take?
嘿咻一般要多久
Oh, my god. Stop talking.
天呐 不要说了
Did you guys notice
你们俩注意到了吗
that dad had the same look on his face
老爸刚才的表情就像是
as when he smells a new car?
看到了一款新车一样
I need to leave.
我要离开
I need to go to camp.
我要去露营
This is gonna be so weird when they come down.
他们下来的时候肯定会很尴尬
Let's just go. Okay? Come on.
我们走吧 好吗 走吧
Wait. But I'm hungry.
等等 我饿了
We'll get breakfast. Let's just go. Come on!
我们去买早餐 走吧 快走
Let's go. Come on.
走啊 快走
Where are you going?
你们要去哪
Anywhere.
哪都行
Where is your mother? I need to talk to her.
你妈妈在哪 我要跟她谈谈
I don't think it's a good time right now.
我觉得这个时机不太合适
She won't come out of her room.
她待在房间里不出来
She's really upset, isn't she?
她很郁闷 对吧
Big time.
超郁闷
How'd you know?
你们怎么知道的
We called.
我们打过电话来
Tell me exactly what she said.
告诉我她到底是怎么说的
I don't know. There was just a lot of screaming.
我不知道 就听到她一直在叫
Where was your father when all this was going on?
发生这些事时 你爸爸在哪
Oh, he was right behind her.
他就在她身后
Oh! It's not coming out! It's not coming out!
擦不掉 擦不掉
Blot! Don't rub! Blot!
要吸干那些果汁 不要擦 要吸
We are beyond blotting and rubbing.
我们已经过了吸污和抹擦的阶段了
I think we've moved on to sweating and crying.
就等着一身大汗和痛哭流涕了
Okay, okay. Let's not panic.
好了 好了 不要慌
We'll just -- we'll tell Amelia what happened,
我们就对艾米莉亚实话实说
and then we'll pay to have it cleaned.
然后由我们负担清洗费
What if it can't be cleaned, Mitchell?!
米奇尔 万一这个洗不掉怎么办
Okay, okay. Then we'll pay for a new rug.
好吧 那我们就赔她一块新的地毯
Are you insane?
你疯了吧
This is a limited-edition alpaca hand-made stark rug!
这是限量版手工制作的羊驼呢地毯
I saw it in Architectural Digest.
我在《建筑学文摘》中看到过
It cost $50,000. It was in Diane Keaton's house.
一块卖5万美元 戴安·基顿家里也有一块
戴安·基顿 美国著名女演员
Oh, no, it was in, oh, what's-her-name's house.
不是 是那个 那个叫什么名字
Um, from "Prizzi's Honor".
她演过《普里兹家族的荣誉》
From -- uh, oh, oh, she was in "Addams Family".
还有这个这个 《阿达一族》
You know, she --
你知道的 还有
Anjelica Huston!
是安耶利卡·休斯顿
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
对对对
Oh! Oh, my god. $50,000 for a rug?!
天哪 一块地毯卖五万美金
Cam, we don't have that kind of money.
小卡 我们哪有那么多钱
Maybe she won't make us pay.
也许她不会让我们赔
I mean, we wouldn't make someone pay
想想看 假如有人弄脏了我们的地毯
if this happened to us.
我们也不会让人家赔的
Did you not hear her on the phone?
你没听见她在电话里说的话吗
"Fix it. Replace it. Write me a check".
给我修好它 换掉它 开赔款支票给我
She probably has that embroidered on a pillow.
她可能已经把这句话绣到枕头上了
Right next to a jar of human tears.
旁边就放了一罐人耳朵
Maybe we can turn this around.
也许我们可以把它转一下[还有“逆转形势”的意思]
How? It looks like someone bled out over here.
怎么弄 看上去就像有人在这流血了一样
No. I mean the rug.
不 我说的是地毯
Maybe we can turn the whole rug around,
也许我们可以把整张地毯转一圈
put it under the couch.
把这块污渍放到沙发底下
See? No one would ever know it's there.
明白了吧 没人会发觉的
Well, you know, we would know.
天知 地知 你知 我知
Well...
那么
What are you thinking?
你在想什么
You don't want to know.
你不会想知道的
No, tell me, 'cause I'm --
不 说来听听吧 因为我
I think I'm thinking the same thing.
我觉得我们想得一样
I seriously doubt that,
我深表怀疑
because now I'm thinking it was Joan Collins' house.
因为我在想刚才那个应该是琼·柯林斯[美国女演员]家
Okay.
好吧
Great.
很好
Gloria, what are you -- what are you doing here?
歌洛莉亚 你 你来干吗
Wait, where are the kids?
慢着 孩子们呢
They just left.
他们刚刚出去了
They told me that you were very upset.
他们跟我说你很郁闷
- Oh, god. -And you have every right to be.
-天哪 -你完全有权郁闷
It was bad.
这件事太可怕了
I know that.
我知道
Claire, it was an accident.
克莱尔 这只是个意外
That doesn't make it any better.
那也无法改变它所造成的伤害
Okay, you're right. I know how you feel.
好吧 你说的没错 我了解你的感受
- Oh, god. - It happened to me before,
-天哪 -我也曾遇到过这样的事
with another woman.
不过是和另外一个女人
And that time, I was the one getting it.
而且那次我是受害者["被上的那个"]
And it hurt.
那感觉真的很难过[真的很疼]
I'm sorry it had to come out like this,
很抱歉我如此直白
but you have to admit that you're only happy
但是你还是得承认
when you're the one cracking the whip.
只有当你是主导者的时候才会觉得开心
被理解为 "只有当你拿着鞭子的时候才会觉得开心"
What?
你说啥
Come on.
别装了
We all know how you ride Phil.
我们都知道菲尔是个妻管严
被理解为 "我们都知道你俩喜欢女上式"
But maybe if you just let go a little,
但是如果你能看开一点
maybe even taste my cupcakes,
或许试着尝尝我的纸杯蛋糕["咪咪"]
这两句他们理解成了3P
I will join you.
我就会跟你一起参加糕饼义卖[我可以跟你们一起做]
No -- unh-unh. No. No.
使 使 使不得
I-I am so confused right now.
我 我完全迷糊了
I may pass out.
我快晕过去了
What are you talking about?
你在说什么呢
What are you talking about?
你又是在说什么
The kids just walked in on
刚刚孩子们走进卧室
me and Phil I-in bed.
看到我和菲尔在床上 那个
And we've just spent the last hour
我们刚才在卧室里
holed up in our room
窝了一个小时
trying to figure out what to say to them.
考虑该跟孩子们说什么
That's what I'm talking about.
我刚才说的就是这个
Can I use your computer? I just need to check one e-mail.
可以用下你的电脑吗 我要查一下邮件
Yeah, the kitchen.
可以 电脑在厨房里
Gloria, I just switched us to the next flight.
歌洛莉亚 我刚才换了下一个航班
Now, did you guys get everything straightened out?
你们的事情都解决了吧
Claire is very upset
克莱尔心情不好
because the kids just walk in on them having sex.
因为他们嘿咻的时候被孩子撞见了
Aw, geez.
天啊
Oh, then we're all up to speed.
好了 现在大家都知道了
She's so upset that she hasn't even had time
她心情糟糕到没时间
to apply her make-up or use her computer.
化妆和开电脑了
W-what are you even doing here, dad?
你们来这儿干什么 老爸
I don't think you should be the one
我觉得站在你的立场上
doing the questioning here, missy.
你没权利质问我了
Don't get mad at her.
干吗生她的气
你老婆刚才还要加入我们呢
Your wife's the one who just offered up her cupcakes.
你老婆刚才还要给我们吃她做的纸杯蛋糕呢
Phil.
菲尔
Good thing we had mom's gas card.
还好我们带了老妈的加油卡
Don't make me regret buying you that lighter, dude.
不要让我后悔给你买了打火机
Put it down.
收起来
Okay, I'm just gonna say it.
好吧 我憋不住了
Our parents are totally irresponsible.
我们的爸妈太不负责任了
And I'm not just talking about us walking in
我不是说我们撞见
on their...little freak show earlier.
他们刚才上演的那变态一幕的事
Just let it go.
算了吧
No. We're lucky to be alive.
这怎么行 我们活着已经很幸运了
How often do they let Luke go -- go to school
他们有多少次让卢克在冬天
in shorts in the winter?
穿短裤去上学
And they let me ride in the front seat
在我体重还没到六十磅的时候
before I was 60 pounds.
他们就让我坐汽车前座
And they never shut the gate
还有我们很小的时候
at the top of the stairs when we were babies.
他们从来不关顶楼的门
Do you know how many times you fell on your head?
你记得你摔地上碰了多少次头吗
Do you?
记得吗
No.
记不得
We get it -- it was bad.
我们明白你的意思 他们这样确实不太好
But, you know, I --
但是 我
I guess...
我觉得
it's better than having parents who fight all the time.
总比一天到晚都吵架的家长好吧
Maybe.
也许吧
My friend Jacob's parents are getting divorced.
我朋友杰克布的父母离婚了
He has to move out of his house.
他必须搬出现在的房子
They told him last week.
他们上个礼拜才告诉他
That sucks.
真惨
He'll get used to it.
他很快就会习惯了
Half of my friends' parents are divorced.
我有一半的朋友父母都离婚了
Mine too.
我朋友也是
It's insane.
这世界太疯狂了
So it's a good thing mom and dad still do sex.
这么说来 爸妈依然嘿咻 这是件好事
Better than mom leaving the stove on,
总比老妈忘了关火炉好
which she's done twice this month.
她这个月已经忘了两次了
I just realized we haven't even gotten
我才发现事情还没到达
to the worst part of it yet.
最糟糕的情况
Which is?
最糟糕的情况是什么
They're gonna want to talk about it.
他们可能会跟我们谈这件事
Well, maybe not.
也有可能不会
Are you kidding?
你开玩笑吧
Their parents never talked about anything,
他们的家长以前啥都没跟他们谈过
so they want to talk about everything.
所以他们现在什么都要跟我们谈
Yeah, they called a family meeting
也对 就为了改喝脱脂牛奶这件事
when we switched to 1% milk.
他们还特别召开了一次家庭会议
I don't know where those kids are.
我不知道那几个孩子去哪了
What is more important
还有什么比在卧室门上
than putting a working lock on a bedroom door?
装一把好用的锁更重要的呢
You are one to talk.
你还好意思跟我讲大道理
What is that supposed to mean?
你什么意思
You don't remember
你不记得
when I walked in on you and mom that time?
我那次撞见你和老妈干那事了么
Gloria, can we please go now?!
歌洛莉亚 我们可以走了吗
So why don't you just get off your high horse, dad.
你还是少在这扮清高了 老爹
At least I am trying to handle this
至少我在试图解决问题
better than the two of you did.
总比你俩当时的态度要端正
What did we do?
我们当时怎么解决的
You made gimlets and went back to your room.
你兑了一杯鸡尾酒 然后就回屋了
What were we supposed to do?
那你说我们应该怎么办
You -- you -- you could have talked to me.
你 你 你们可以跟我谈谈啊
You could have made sure that I was okay.
你可以关心一下我是否还好
Want to talk about it?
你想让我跟你谈吗
Yes. Fine.
好吧 我们谈
Your mother and I were watching
你妈和我当时在看《哈特对哈特》
a particularly racy episode of "Hart to Hart".
那一集里面有成人镜头
Stefanie Powers had to go undercover as a call girl.
斯蒂芬妮·鲍尔斯要当卧底 扮演应召女郎
- Mnh-mnh. Dad. - Hang on.
-够了 老爸 -还没说完呢
This whole story makes more sense
如果你知道我很爱高筒靴
if you know I got a thing for thigh-high boots.
那么你就不会觉得那件事很诡异了
Oh, gross! Gross. You are ruining sex for me,
太恶心了 你害我失去了性趣
and boots.
还毁了我对靴子的爱
Working okay for you?
用得还顺手吧
Oh, yes.
对 对
I was sending an e-mail to my brother in Colombia.
我在给在哥伦比亚的兄弟发邮件
Um, I was telling him about Claire.
我在给他介绍克莱尔
You know, I realize there's so much I don't know about her.
我发现我还真是太不了解她了
Like, for example, what is her favorite word?
像是 她最喜欢哪个单词
Or what was her first pet's name?
或是她第一只宠物的名字
Gloria, I'm not an idiot.
歌洛莉亚 我不是傻子
Are you trying to get Claire's password?
你是想知道克莱尔的密码吗
Okay, fine.
好吧 没错
I sent her something by mistake.
我错给她发了一些东西
I need to get into Claire's e-mail
所以我要赶在克莱尔看到之前
to erase it before she sees it.
进她的邮箱里把它删掉
Before I see what?
在我看到什么之前
Hola, Claire.
你好呀 克莱尔
Hi, Gloria.
你好 歌洛莉亚
Before I see what?
在我看到什么之前
It's so embarrassing.
这太难启齿了
You see, Jay and I --
是这样的 我跟杰
It's a naked picture of Gloria.
是歌洛莉亚的裸照
Yes.
没错
Naked.
裸照
I was gonna send it to Jay.
我本来是想发给杰的
You see everything. The whole body.
我在照片里是全裸的 正面全裸
- I need to sit. - Okay.
-我得坐会儿 -好吧
Wow, dad.
老爸
So, you just got done giving me a lecture
你刚才还教育我要
on the importance of locking my bedroom door
锁好自己的卧室门
while in my house to retrieve naked pictures
可其实你跑我家来是为了拿回
that your wife accidentally sent me.
你妻子不小心发给我的裸照的
The irony is just occurring to me.
我也是刚意识到这件事有多讽刺
What are you doing?
你干吗
What I'm doing...is deleting it.
我要 删了它
Good for you.
干得好
Let's go to Vegas!
我们去拉斯维加斯吧
Ciao!
再见
Do us a favor -- no pictures.
帮我们个忙 别再照相了
Oh, Gloria, listen.
歌洛莉亚 等一下
We do need to talk about the bake sale at some point.
我们得找个时间谈谈糕饼义卖的事
I have some concerns.
我有一些担忧
- Of course you do. - Yes. - All right!
-意料之中 -是啊 -走咯
What do we do now?
我们现在怎么办
Okay, I'm really afraid
好吧 我很担心
of reading this situation the wrong way,
我是想错了
but I'm 80% sure you're coming on to me.
但是我有百分之八十的把握觉得你在勾引我
Okay, now...40%.
好吧 只剩百分之四十了
Mitchell, we need to make a decision.
米切尔 我们得做出决定了
It was the perfect plan.
那个计划很完美
Turn the rug, and she wouldn't find the stain for years.
把地毯转一下 她好几年都不会发现那块污渍
But we couldn't do it.
但是我们做不到
We're too honest.
我们太诚实了
There are certain moments in life that define you,
生活中总会遇到那种能反映出你真实人格的时刻
and this is one of those moments.
而这就是其中之一
Oh, guys, I'm so sorry that took so long.
实在抱歉 我这么久才回来
Oh, my god. What happened here?
天啊 这是怎么回事呀
Jackson did it.
这是杰克逊弄的
He grabbed Lily's strawberry juice and started drinking it.
他抢了莉莉的草莓汁就开始喝
What?
什么
Before we could stop him, it was all over everything.
我们还没反应过来 他就已经把它弄洒了
- Oh, my god. Oh, my god! - We are horrible people.
-天啊 天啊 -我们真是一对烂人呀
I'm only following your lead.
我只是跟着你说而已
Yeah, so close that you stepped on the back of my shoe.
是啊 还不忘在旁边添油加醋
- Come here. Jackson's allergic to strawberries. - What?
-过来 杰克逊对草莓过敏 -什么
His throat will close up,
他的喉咙会堵住
and he can go into anaphylactic shock.
然后他可能会有过敏性休克
I need to inject him right now!
我必须马上给他打针
Oh! Are you sure? He seems all right to me.
你确定吗 我觉得他挺好的呀
Yeah, maybe just get him some fresh air.
是啊 也许让他呼吸点新鲜空气就没事了
Stop talking! He really hates this.
别说了 他很讨厌打针
And so I'm gonna need you
所以我要你们俩
to help me pin down his arms and his legs, okay?
帮我按住他的胳膊和腿 好吗
- You know what? - Jackson, honey,
-实际上 -杰克逊 宝贝儿
mommy's so sorry to have to do this,
很抱歉妈妈不得不这么做
- Amelia -- - but it's only gonna hurt for a second.
-阿米莉亚 -但是只会疼一下而已
His arms!!
快按住他的胳膊
Okay. Hurry. Here we go.
好的 快点 准备打了
One, two --
一 二
- Wait! - Wait!
-等等 -等等
Jackson didn't drink the juice!
杰克逊没喝草莓汁
I stepped on Lily's bag and a juice box fell and we panicked
我踩到了丽丽的包 结果里面的一盒果汁掉了出来
because we heard you on the phone
我们吓坏了 因为我们听到你在电话里说的话
and we can't afford Joan Collins' rug!
我们可赔不起琼·柯林斯[美国演员]的地毯
We are so, so sorry. We could not feel any worse.
我们真的非常非常抱歉 这感觉真是糟透了
Oh, no. That's bad.
不 这下坏了
Number 19!
十九号
- Number 19! - Yeah. Yeah.
-十九号 -来了 来了
Oh, uh, can we have some napkins, please?
可以给我们几张纸巾吗
All out of napkins.
纸巾用完了
Paper towels in bathroom, Mitchell.
洗手间里有手纸 米切尔
He knows your name!
他知道你的名字
And, uh...I'm just gonna say it --
我就直说了
I'm really sorry about what happened.
我为之前发生的事情感到非常抱歉
Well, we're -- we're not sorry about what happened.
我们 我们不是对那件事感到抱歉
We're sorry that you saw what happened.
而是对你们看到了那件事而感到抱歉
Yeah, okay. They -- they get that.
好了 他们 他们明白的
Let's see.
这么说吧
Uh, no one wants to see their parents...
没人愿意看见自己的父母
- Your sensuality... - ...not dressed.
-你的感官享受 -一丝不挂
Basically, it's two adults.
基本上 这事是两个成年人做的
Adults.
成年人
It's like you're shaking hands.
就像是握手
But you're not using your hands at all.
但是握的不是手
I can't handle a big family talk about this.
我可受不了一大家子人坐在那谈论这种事
We're not gonna have a choice.
我们别无选择
So when they start talking,
所以当他们谈的时候
just smile and nod and think about something else.
我们就微笑点头然后想别的呗
Yeah, it's easy. Just like at school.
没错 这很容易 就像在学校上课一样
So, I-I guess what I'm saying here
所以 我想我要说的就是
is that as you get older
等你们长大了
and...explore your sexuality, you will discover
开始尝试自己的性行为时 你们会发现
that as long as you are in a committed relationship
只要你们是和情投意合的成年人
with consenting adults,
建立了一段忠诚的感情
there's really nothing to be embarrassed about.
这件事就没什么好尴尬的
And let's face it -- your mom can't keep her hands off me
咱们都知道 只要我一展示我那结实的肌肉
whenever the gun show comes to town.
你们老妈就对我爱不释手了
Good one, dad.
说得好 老爸
Humor makes difficult situations easier!
幽默缓解了尴尬的局面
Wow. Really?
真的吗
Totally.
绝对的
You talked to us on our level
你们像朋友一样跟我们聊天
but without being condescending!
却又不失家长的威严
We did.
的确
All right.
很好
I guess we did.
看来的确是这样
Yay, us.
咱俩真厉害
I think we really handled that well.
我觉得咱俩真的处理得很好
Me too. You were excellent.
我也这么想 你棒极了
You were pretty good.
你也不错
Ugh, this is such a weird day.
今天真是太诡异了
I know it.
我知道
By the way...
还要说一句
happy anniversary.
结婚纪念日快乐
It always is.
跟你结婚的每一天都很快乐
Hey mom, can I get --
妈 我能不能
Oh, my god! Enough!
天啊 你们两个够了吧
Hey, what's this?
这是什么
Your anniversary present.
你们的结婚纪念日礼物
That's very sweet.
你们真是太贴心了
My goodness.
上帝啊
What is it?
是什么
A door lock.
门锁
How embarrassing.
真尴尬
Thank you.
谢谢你们
We'll use it all the time.
我们会每天都用的
We thought the lock was a really good idea.
我们觉得送锁给他俩是个好主意
The problem is it makes a noise.
可问题是 这东西上锁的时候有声音
A loud noise.
还很大声
It's hard for me to look at dad afterwards.
在那以后我都很难面对老爸了