Good morning, puppy
Hump day, am I right, Jay?
今天才周三 对吧 杰
Your day ends at 2:30
Can't come fast enough.
Quitting time. Am I right, jay?
我指的是退休 杰 你说是不是
Let's not make this a thing.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. What is this?
嘿 嘿 嘿 这是啥玩意儿
Where's my soft-boiled egg?
It's good for you to try new things.
I don't want to try new things.
You can't just spring this on me.
I have bad news, manny.
This is not the biggest curve ball
that life is going to throw you.
Buddy, don't close yourself off from new things.
I ever tell you the story about me and crab cakes?
Thought I didn't like them, tried them, love them.
恨之 试之 爱之
Are the movie rights available for that one?
Dunphy spring classic.
Who's gonna do the dishes for the next week?
Boys versus girls.
Testosterone versus estrogen.
Standing up to pee versus the squat.
- Phil, come on! -Dad!
-菲尔 快开始 -老爸
He's in her head, Luke.
And boys rule and girls drool.
You drool all the time.
Mom had to take you to a specialist.
I'm still growing into my tongue.
Hey, mom, can I go to the movies with robin?
No, you may not, 'cause you are still grounded.
Then can I be sent to my room?
No, 'cause we're having some fun family time.
We're gonna spend this beautiful afternoon
outside in the fresh air, getting some exercise, okay?
享受新鲜空气 做点运动 好吧
What do you mean? We just started.
That was our only ball.
The game's over just because you're afraid
of stupid Mr. Kleezak?
Yep. I'm not going over there.
If Hannibal Lecter and Freddy Krueger had a love child,
he would be afraid of our next-door neighbor.
I don't have a mean thing to say about anyone,
but Mr. Kleezak is...
- Hey, Haley. - Oh, hey, uncle Mitchell.
- Hey, is your mom home? - No.
She had to take Alex to the oncologist.
Oh, my god, what's wrong?
She needed new glasses.
- Oh. Did you mean optometrist? - Whatever.
- So, should I give her a message? - Yes, yes.
Could you ask her if she could possibly babysit
Lily on Saturday night?
We'd really, really appreciate it.
Saturday night, we're having dinner
with pepper, longinus, and crispin.
They're our gay friends.
I think that was clear.
I've been spending a lot of time
with a lot of straight people lately.
And, darling, I need a night with my homies.
- You mean homos. - Okay. Yeah.
You know what? Maybe you should stay in and babysit.
Yeah, our babysitter bailed,
and we're kind of in a bind, so --
I can do it. I can watch lily.
I'm really good. I'm babysitting Luke right now.
You want -- you want to babysit lily?
Oh, well, that's very sweet, honey,
but you're -- you're a very popular girl.
I'm sure you have better things to do, so --
Oh, seriously, I'm totally free.
Being grounded is so much worse than it was in the olden days.
My friends text and facebook
all the fun stuff they're doing
while I'm stuck at home playing jenga with my dad.
You don't even have to pay me.
I promise I'll take super good care of her.
Okay, well, that would be great. Thank you.
好吧 如此甚好 谢谢了
Yes, well, we'll see you on Saturday night.
- Bye, sweetie. - Bye.
-拜拜 亲爱的 -拜
What are you thinking?!
Haley is a very sweet and fashionable girl,
but seems hardly a responsible caregiver!
Well, you know what? We needed a sitter.
I say we give her a shot.
A shot? Oh, with our only child?
If something goes wrong,
We'll just pop over to the orient and grab another one.
My name is Luke Dunphy. I live next door.
I want to get our ball from your yard.
I don't want you messing around back there.
Are you going scuba diving?
Why do you have that tank?
You mean in school? Well, I do okay.
My teacher says I get distracted.
Why do you have that tube in your nose?
Really? Can I try?
We have that in our house,
but we don't need tanks.
Oh, for god's sake, just get your ball.
I was watching the news,
and another flock of birds fell out of the sky dead.
What is happening?
Sweetie, you got to stop watching the news.
That's your big solution -- embrace ignorance?
What are you two arguing about?
Never mind, I don't want to know.
Be back in a couple hours.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, where you going?
To my friend Walt's house to watch "High noon."
Ooh, I love westerns -- the bloodier, the better.
that's my favorite type of movie --
That and anything set against the backdrop
of competitive cheerleading.
Is Walt the one who's always skateboarding?
No. Where would he put his oxygen tank?
Okay, now I'm really confused.
You sound like Walt.
He gets confused a lot. It's hilarious.
Wait, are we talking about Mr. Kleezak?
Yeah. I went over to his house to get my ball,
and we've been hanging out.
You were in Mr. Kleezak's house?
Luke, that is not okay.
He's really nice and funny.
Listen to this joke.
Okay, two krauts walk into a bar.
Phil, this is not good.
Honey, don't jump to conclusions.
Let him finish the joke.
And one of them has a limp.
You may not go back to that man's house.
- Why not? - Because...he's weird.
-为什么 -因为 他是个怪人
- And not very nice. - Yeah.
That's what you said about my friend Oliver.
Oliver who almost burned down our garage?
He likes to melt stuff.
Like you're so perfect.
Luke, I'm sorry, but your mother and I
卢克 对不起 但是你妈妈和我
just aren't comfortable with this.
You don't even know him
'cause you're two afraid to talk to him.
Buddy, we're just looking out for you.
You never like any of my friends.
We're doing the right thing.
I don't know. I mean, he makes a point.
我不知道 我是说 他说的有道理
We don't know the man,
and little kids can be friends with old people, right?
Of course they can. There's tons of examples.
"Up," Um, "Gran torino," "True grit."
《飞屋环游记》 《老爷车》 《大地惊雷》
Cartoon, kills himself, she loses an arm.
卡通 自杀 她失去了一条手臂[对应菲尔讲的三部电影情节]
We've got to go talk to that guy.
Okay, so, the numbers are by the phone.
There's food in the fridge.
I just changed her diaper, so all you need to do
is put her down in about a half-hour
And not let a serial killer in the front door.
Well, what if he's cute?
Then save him for us.
Nobody in, nobody out.
Oh, we're gonna be totally fine.
You just go get your gay on.
Oh, it is on like Donkey Kong.
Well, clearly it's not on yet, but it will be.
Thanks. So, okay, come on. Let's go.
谢谢 好的 快点 我们走
I'm telling you, kid,
This is a concert you're never gonna forget.
Greatest music in the world.
Wait a minute. What's this?
What are we seeing?
The symphony "The four seasons."
Frankie Valli是美国6,70年代的白人R&B Soul流行合唱团Four Season的大梁
I thought we were seeing Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons.
No. No, it's Vivaldi.
Oh, crap. You mean nothing but instruments?
- I'm out of here. - No, you're not out. You're in.
-我可不要进去 -不行 你必须进去
I hate this kind of music.
Jay, you always do that.
Every time we try something new,
Your first reaction is always no.
It's 'cause I'm old enough
to know what I like and what I don't like.
What about the crab cakes?
That was a fluke.
And I can't slather that boring music in tartar sauce.
So I have to try new things,
Like scrambled eggs, but you don't have to?
You see what you're doing?
You're tearing this family apart.
Let's take it down a notch. You two go in.
Have a great time. I'll see you later.
What are you going to do?
I'm gonna walk like a man, fast as I can,
这句为Frankie Valli和四季合唱团的经典曲目《Walk Like A Man》中的歌词
To that bar over there.
And if you knew Frankie Valli,
You'd be cracking up right now.
I'm telling you, John Schneider was the one!
John schneider, from "The dukes of hazzard"?
That was your first crush?
Oh, my god, yes. Bo Duke -- delicious.
He was a redneck who drove a car called the general lee
With a giant confederate flag on it.
That wasn't a turn-off for you?
Look, I know it was all kinds of wrong,
But the heart wants what the heart wants.
Richard Gere. Oh, my god.
I'll be the officer. Don't be a gentleman.
美国著名演员 生于1920年 于1966年死于冠状动脉闭塞一生只拍过17部电影 四获奥斯卡题名 却没拿过一个小金人
Don't do that, Crispin. You're not that young.
别装了 克里斯宾 你又没这么嫩
Anyway, my crush was gay. At least I had a shot.
不管怎么说 我的初电是个同志 至少我尝试过
You had a shot with Montgomery Clift? How old are you?
I will cut you like it was nothing, farm boy.
Oh, see, I miss this.
Wait. What about you, Mitchell?
Um, okay, well, I-I didn't know it was a crush
Because I was only 8 at the time.
I knew when I was 8.
Everyone knew when you were 8.
Longinus, get up. We're switching seats.
朗吉奴斯 起来 我要和你换位置
Okay, okay, back to me, back to me, back to me.
So, I had just seen "St. Elmo's fire," And --
Oh, Mitchell, look, it's your father.
米奇尔 快看 那是你父亲
Ooh. That's your father? He's cute.
Okay, can you please turn it off for one second?
Ooh, he's all alone. Invite him over.
Yeah, that's not something we're gonna do.
Relax, your dad knows you're gay.
He doesn't know I'm this gay.
Oh, Mr. Pritchett!
Jay! Jay! Yoo-hoo!
杰 杰 这里这里
Oh, he looks like that dentist you hooked up with in laguna.
Oh, yeah, yeah. That was in my daddy phase.
Yes, please, keep this up. This is fun for me.
- Fellas, how you doing? - Hey, dad.
-小伙子们 你们好 -你好啊 老爸
- Hi, jay. - Hello, daddy.
-你好 杰 -你好啊 亲爹
What are you doing here?
I'm just getting a drink while Gloria and Manny see a show.
- Well, please join us. - No, I don't want to intrude.
-和我们一起吧 -算了 我不想打扰你们雅兴
- He doesn't want to intrude. - You are not intruding.
I'm just gonna watch the game at the bar.
He just wants to watch the game at the bar, so...
Oh, sit down. We're up by 25 with a minute to go.
Well, maybe just for a minute.
So, what does a guy got to do to get a drink around here?
Nobody say anything.
Justin, more booze.
Oh, Mitchell was just about to tell us
Who his first boy crush was.
- No, no, I wasn't. - Let me bring you up to speed.
Crispin's was Joey Mcintyre,
Longinus said John Schneider.
Your name is Longinus?
当耶稣被钉在十字架上 一名叫朗吉奴斯的战士用枪刺伤了他的侧腹 后来被耶稣的血感化成为圣徒
I know. I never stood a chance.
Cam's was Richard Gere,
and I was Monty Clift.
Well, at least yours was gay.
I mean, you might've had a shot.
Crispin, up. I'm sitting next to this one.
克里斯宾 站起来 我要坐他旁边
- Mr. Kleezak? - Mr. Kleezak?
Honey, he's not moving. Is he okay?
亲爱的 他没动静 他还好吗
Well, there's only one way to find out.
I don't know if he's breathing.
Does he have a pulse?
Well, there's only one way to find out.
Would you stop pushing me? You do it.
I'm gonna kill Luke.
Oh, my god. He's ice-cold.
I'm sorry. We thought there was something wrong with you.
- Sorry. - What?!
We thought there was something wrong with you!
We haven't, uh, formally met. Phil Dunphy.
You're the guy who just broke into my house and fondled me.
No. No. We were just concerned that you looked dead.
不 我们很担心 以为你死了
Well, what are you doing here?
Oh, um, our son, Luke, told us
that you invited him over here to watch movies,
and I'm sure you could understand
why we would... be concerned about that.
- You're doing great. - Honey.
Wait, are you saying that I'm some kind of pervert?
等下 你的意思是 我是变态吗
- No. - Probably...not.
-不 -可能 不是
Look, I didn't ask him to come over here.
I was minding my own business, like you should be.
But in all fairness, our son is our business.
Well, then, keep him.
And keep your daughter from driving into my garbage cans.
And keep your blinds closed
when you're doing your little sexy dance.
Oh, god, he's seen my sexy dance.
So I'm 12 years old
I was staying over night at my best friend Jim's house,
And neither one of us want to go to sleep.
I know where this is going.
You're better than that, Crispin.
So, we sneak off to the movies,
And we see this little picture called "Solomon and Sheba."
And Sheba was...
- Gina Lollobrigida! - Bingo!
And for the rest of my life, I swore, one day,
I would marry Gina Lollobrigida.
Well, dad, you kind of did.
Mmm. These are good. What's in them?
It's a Margarita with a shot of absinthe.
Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder.
Ohh, are you making a bad pun or just lisping?
I can't believe I drove all the way to the valley
Justin, more booze!
Haley, hi. Is -- is everything okay?
Because I just saw a man walk through the living room.
What? Where are you?
I can see through the camera on the computer.
You're spying on me? Oh, my god.
Oh, my god. That is so lame.
Look, I don't know what you think you saw
Maybe the TV, or the reflection,
or maybe you think that my body's just shaped like a boy,
like I don't have hips or something.
No, no, no, no. You have a-a darling figure.
I was just concerned that
This is the kind of thing that I expect from my mother,
but not from my cool uncle,
so thank you for all of your trust.
Okay, I'm -- sorry. Sorry.
Dad, I've never seen you sing before.
Well, you never saw me in the shower.
And don't anybody go there.
When I was 12 years old,
My father walked into my bedroom and caught me doing
the most embarrassing thing that a boy can do --
Dancing to Madonna's "Lucky star."
And from that moment on,
There's always been a part of me that I've kept from him.
And yet, yeah, here he was,
You know, laughing with my friends.
Maybe the problem was me.
- Where? - Where? - Where? - Where?
-在哪 -在哪 -在哪 -在哪
No, no, Rob Lowe from "St. Elmo's fire."
That was -- that was my crush. I loved him.
I get that. He was a good-looking kid.
Hey, "Walk like a man"?
Well, I can sing it, but I can't do it.
I think I just broken somthing.
Please tell me that you have my shoes.
Why would I have your shoes?
Because I left them at your uncles's house last night.
What? How could you leave without your shoes?
I go a lot of places without shoes.
I'm not wearing shoes right now.
That's 'cause I left them at your uncles's house.
Well, maybe they'll think they're theirs.
They're gay. They know what shoes they own.
Thanks a lot, Walt.
You couldn't be nice to my parents for two seconds,
so now I'm not allowed to hang out with you.
What do you want from me?
I thought you were my friend.
You promised to teach me how to grow tomatoes,
and you were gonna take me for an egg cream.
Forget it. You're a little kid.
I don't need the aggravation.
Oh, sorry I "Aggravated" You.
And, just so you know, a lot of people think I'm adorable.
Maybe if you had gone to the concert instead --
Could you open it, please?
I would, but I'm old enough to know
that I don't like opening aspirin bottles.
- Hey, Dad! - How do you guys do it?
I thought cops could drink.
Listen, I just -- I wanted to say
I had such a good time with you last night,
- and I wanted to -- -hey, hold on. I got call waiting. Yeah.
-我想要 -等下 我有电话进来
Woof, not a morning person. Good to know.
Listen, I'm five away.
I hope you like Blueberry Scones and Dusty Springfield.
- Who is this? - Pepper, silly.
-你是哪位 -胡焦 小傻帽
It's gonna be a scorcher in the desert today,
So dress accordingly.
Oh, this is your street. See you in a minute.
That friend of yours, that Pepper.
He's on his way over here. Why?
Well, you made a date with him last night. Don't you remember?
I think I would remember if I made a date with a guy!
I'm telling you, I know a guy in Palm Springs
Who has every single Vintage record known to man.
I'm driving out there tomorrow. Come with me.
I'm not going shopping with Priscilla, queen of the desert.
Well, I'm feeling really good about our relationship,
and I want to hold on to that for a little while longer,
so I'm gonna go ahead and hang up with you.
所以我现在要行动了 再聊 挂了
Give pepper a big kiss for me.
Gloria, now, listen.
I know that you're upset with me about that concert thing,
And rightfully so, but you have to help me.
It seems I made plans with Mitchell's friend Pepper.
That's someone's name? Pepper?
Yes, and that's just the tip of the iceberg.
There's another guy named Longinus.
But Pepper's gonna be here any second.
He's gonna take me to Palm Springs
To go shopping for records.
Now, when he gets here,
Can you pretend there's some kind of an emergency?
Can you do that, please?
I-I think you'll have to take me now to the hospital.
My head is in pain.
- Do you mean like that? - Yes, thank you.
-你是说像这样吧 -正是 多谢
Okay, it's showtime.
And with this guy, I mean that literally.
What I could do with this house.
Chop, chop -- it's a two-hour drive,
Not counting our stop at the outlet mall.
Oh, okay. Um, Gloria, we're leaving!
好吧 歌洛莉亚 我们要走了
Hello. You must be Pepper.
- My head. - What's the matter, Gloria?
-我的头啊 -你没事吧 歌洛莉亚
I just had a little ice cream. Huh?
He hasn't stopped talking about you all day long.
You are stunning.
How rich are you?
Are you sure you're all right, gloria?
I feel great, mi amor.
I am so happy that he's doing this with you,
because I never get him to do anything different,
Like the Vivaldi, hmm?
I think he likes you more than me.
You two have a great time together.
All right, but we got to be back early,
Because, you know, I got that work thing.
No, no, I canceled everything. You don't have anything.
You can spend all day long with him.
Wonderful. Well, shall we?
Oh, my god. Tallulah! Oh!
Don't worry. She'll stop yapping when she gets on your lap.
别担心 等你一抱她 就不叫了
Alex, honey, come on. We're gonna be late.
艾丽克斯 快点 就要迟到了
A herd of cows dropped dead for no reason.
I'm not going anywhere.
Get your affairs in order, people.
There's nothing out there to be afraid of.
I'm not used to waking up with people poking me.
I was startled, you know.
We're really sorry about that.
These are onions from my garden.
Wow. Thank you so much.
Yeah, well, don't go throwing any parades.
I used to be a fireman, you know.
I don't hurt kids.
Sir, would you like to come in?
Just tell the boy that "Shane" is on today at 3:00.
Maybe you could tell him yourself.
He's -- he's right upstairs. Hang on.
Luke, honey, come on down!
卢克 宝贝 快下来
Your friend...Walt is here.
- This is just so sweet. - Yeah.
Well, just don't start dancing.
People can surprise you.
You get used to thinking of them one way, stuck in their roles.
They are what they are.
I was young at the time...
And then they do something that shows you
there's all this depth and dimension
that you never knew existed.
Are you talking about Rob Lowe?
I'm just saying he's a very versatile actor.
I think his good looks have actually held him back.
Well, I can relate to that.
- Haley! - We need to talk.
I know I freaked out on you last night,
but you have to see it from my point of view.
- You were totally spying on me. - I know.
You were invading my first-amendment right to privacy.
I'm sick and tired of people not trusting me.
- I get it. - And especially you guys.
I don't think of you guys as my uncles,
I think of you as my friends.
And if your friends don't believe in you,
then what else do you have?
Please don't tell my mom.