摩登家庭 第二季 Modern Family Season 2 第2集: The Kiss

上映日期: 2,010

语言: 英语

影片类型: 喜剧 / 家庭

导演: Jason Winer

演员: 艾德·奥尼尔 / 索菲娅·维加拉 / 朱丽·鲍温 / 泰·布利尔 / 杰西·泰勒·弗格森 / 艾瑞克·斯通斯崔特 / 萨拉·海蓝德 / 阿芮尔·温特 / 诺兰·古德 / 里克·罗德里格兹


台词
How could we don't have the same number of containers and lids?
怎么盒子和盖子的数量不对应呢
Why would they ever get separated?
它们怎么会分开呢
Built-up resentment, money issues,
可能感情不和 也可能经济问题
met a younger lid.
还可能跟年轻的盖子跑了
Mom, where's my science homework?
妈妈 我的科学作业哪去了
Uh, it's over there on the table.
就在那边的桌子上
So, Alex, honey, what's going on?
艾丽克斯 宝贝 最近怎么样
Anything exciting?
有啥新鲜事吗
No.
没有
- Any boys? - No.
-有喜欢的男孩吗 -没有
I'm feeling a little bit disconnected
我觉得我和艾丽克斯之间
from Alex right now.
有代沟了
Last week, I picked up her cellphone,
就在上周
thinking it was mine.
我错拿了她的手机
And I accidentally read a few flirty text messages
无意中看到几条暧昧短信
that were probably from a boy in her class,
如果是她班上的某个男生干的
which is fine.
那也就罢了
Or they're from a drifter.
就怕是哪个混混发的
Come on, isn't there something
来嘛 你就真没啥
you want to share with your mommers?
要告诉你"马马"的吗
Yeah. Don't call yourself "Mommers."
还真有 别自称"马马"了
He blew his lid when she tried to contain him.
盒子想上盖子 盖子爆发了
家 庭
摩 登
第二季第二集
Okay. What do you think?
你觉得这件怎么样
-I like it. -But you don't love it.
-我喜欢 -但不是特别喜欢
No, I do. I love it.
谁说的 我爱死它了
- As much as you loved the other one? - Ooh.
-和刚才那件比 -天
Okay. Mm.
好吧
The house is on fire. I only have time to grab one shirt.
房子着火了 我只来得及拿一件衬衫
Which one do I take?
我选哪件
The correct answer is take Lily.
带上莉莉才是正解
After that.
那之后呢
Uh, okay, the blue one.
好吧 拿蓝色的那件
Because the gray one washes me out.
因为我穿灰色的显胖
No, no. Cam, you -- you can't go wrong here.
不不不 别误会 小卡
Everything you've tried on looks great.
你不管穿什么都美翻了
I love you in both of them.
两件都好搭你
Oh, you're so nice to me.
还是你疼我
Mitchell has a problem with public displays of affection.
米奇尔不喜欢在公众场合亲热
Um, I remember once at a new year's eve party,
我记得有一年的新年派对上
stroke of midnight, he high-fived me.
零点钟声一响 他和我击掌庆祝
Two problems with that --
两个问题
One, gays don't high-five.
首先 同志不击掌
Two, gays don't high-five.
其次 同志不击掌
I'm home!
我回来啦
Mmm, what smells so good?
烧什么呢这么香
I'm making chunchullo, a traditional Colombian dish,
我在做圈圈肉 哥伦比亚名菜呢
for dinner with the family tonight.
为了今晚的家庭聚餐准备的
Chunchullo.
圈圈肉
What is that -- like, uh, tacos?
那是啥 跟玉米卷差不多吗
Yes, like tacos.
对 就跟玉米卷似的
No, it isn't.
才不是呢
- It's the small intestine of a pig. - Oh, Geez.
-这是猪肠做的 -我的老天爷
Why can't we eat regular food like normal people?
我们就不能像其他人一样吃正常点儿吗
I told you, Jay.
我跟你说过滴 杰
My grandmother, who rests in peace,
我那远在天国的奶奶
has been coming to me in my dreams,
曾经托梦给我
telling me that I'm losing touch with my roots.
告诫我不要忘本
See, this is awkward,
你看 这下尴尬了
because my dead uncle joe told me to have steak tonight.
因为我死了的叔叔告诉我今晚该吃牛排
No, no, no, Jay. Have some respect.
不不不 杰 放尊重点
My grandmother can hear you.
我奶奶能听见你滴
What do you mean, she can hear us?
什么意思 她能听到我们吗
Well, in our culture,
是这样滴 在我们的文化里
we believe that the dead are all around us.
我们相信死者的灵魂就在我们身边
She's right, Manny.
她说的对 曼尼
She could be right here,
可能现在她就在你背后
her bony fingers reaching out from the grave.
从坟墓里伸出她那瘦骨嶙峋的手指
Yeah, keep it up, Jay.
厉害哦 杰 继续忽悠呀
There's already one dead person in this room.
这房子里已经有一个死人了
You want to make it two?
你也想死是哇
I'm sorry. I've got a printer to install.
我错了 我去装打印机
Oh, Gloria, have your grandmother
歌洛莉亚 麻烦让你奶奶
run me up an iced tea in about 10 minutes.
十分钟后给我拿杯冰红茶来
Yeah, she has a better chance of making that work than you!
是啊 她要活着滴话干得比你好
Why don't you save us the stomping and the swearing and call Phil?
你打电话给菲尔啊 省得一会你搞砸了又叫又骂
He's good at that stuff.
他这方面比较牛
Better than me?
能有我牛
Phil's not better than me at anything,
菲尔任何方面都没我牛
Except maybe making that stupid sound with his mouth.
他也就只会怪叫啥的
A what, what
咋 咋样
You spit on me.
你口水喷我脸上了
Haley, honey, um, I need you to do something for me.
宝贝海莉 来帮我个忙
Ugh. Mom, my arm hurts.
啊 妈 我手痛
Why don't you find out what it is
你都不知道我找你啥事
before you start making up excuses to get out of it?
着急编瞎话干嘛
Okay, what is it?
好吧 说吧
I need you to talk to your sister.
我要你去和你妹妹谈谈
I think that there's something going on with her and a boy.
我觉得她和某个男孩子有暧昧
So?
然后
So, I am your mother, and it is my job to make sure
然后 我是你们的妈妈
that you girls don't get involved with a predator.
确保你们不被坏蛋给剥皮吃了
Okay, mom, stop watching "Dateline."
得了吧 妈妈 别再看新闻联播了
And why can't you just talk to her?
你自己怎么不去和她谈
I have tried to talk to her.
我试过了
I -- she won't talk to me. You know that.
她不会跟我开口的 你懂的
That's because you get so weird every time a boy comes near us.
因为一有男孩接近我们你就变得神经质
I-I just don't want you girls to --
我只是不想你们这些小姑娘
- To make the same mistakes that you did? - No!
-重蹈你的覆辙吗 -不是
No.
当然不是
Mom, I'm not an idiot.
老妈 我又不傻
I pick up on things.
我看得出来
And I don't think that you were the good girl
你可不是你口中描述的
you pretend you were.
那种好女孩
Wow. That is so untrue.
天哪 你大错特错了
I was a very good girl. Mm.
你不知道我以前有多乖
Your kids don't need to know
孩子不需要知道
who you were before you had them.
在他们出生前你是怎样的人
They need to know who you wish you were,
他们只需了解你想要的完美形象
and they need to try to live up to that person.
还必须以你为榜样
They're gonna fall short,
他们可能达不到这个标准
but better they fall short of the fake you
但参照人物是虚构的完美的你
than the real you.
肯定比真实的你强
Which is why we don't hide anything.
所以我们从不隐瞒
That's the opposite of what I just said.
你这话完全违背了我刚刚发言的宗旨
I was not listening.
我溜号了
I'll say it again -- I love you in paisley.
我还得说一遍 我喜欢你穿这件佩斯利
Oh, let me lock the door and draw the curtains.
不如先关好门 拉好窗帘
What does that mean?
你什么意思
-It doesn't mean anything. -Good.
-什么意思都没有 -很好
You know exactly what it means.
你当然知道我什么意思
You won't kiss me in front of other people
你不在别人面前亲我
because you're ashamed of who you are.
是因为你不能正视自己
And, yes...I went there.
没错 我就是戳你痛处了
Okay, you can't say, "Yes, I went there,"
你不能拿戳我当乐事
when you go there all the time.
还企图用过去式
And, by the way, I'm the one who makes speeches on airplanes
再说了 每次飞机上有人对咱们另眼相待
every time someone looks at us weird.
可都是我站出来教育他们
I'm the one who gives my dad hell
我爸爸说你是我"朋友"的时候
when he refers to you as my "Friend."
也是我跟他挑明挖烂了理论
That's different. That's confrontation.
那不一样 那是正面冲突
But you know what takes real strength?
但你知道什么才最需要勇气吗
Whining?
抱怨吗
-Affection. -Oh, this is insane.
-是表达爱意 -受不了了
Buying a shirt -- it's not a kiss-worthy moment.
买衬衫有什么可亲的
Oh, I didn't know there was an official list.
我不知道这还有官方规定
Please, tell us -- what is on the list?
求你 告诉我 什么时候能亲
I'll tell you what's not on the list --
我告诉你什么时候不亲吧
Finding jalapeno-stuffed olives,
吃了夹辣椒的橄榄
making the light on maple,
给枫树挂灯泡的时候
every time we see a V.W.
看到大众车的时候也不亲
You don't like "Kiss-buggy"?
你不喜欢玩"亲亲甲壳虫"[看到大众甲壳虫车就亲亲]
It's not a real game!
那根本就不是游戏
It -- it's just another way for you to be needy.
那不过是你黏人的一种方式
I -- and I don't appreciate you making me feel bad
你可别想把我搞得很内疚
because I can't live up to your impossible standards.
因为我可达不到你那离谱的标准
Nobody kisses at a bowling alley!
没人在保龄球馆接吻
I almost got a turkey!
我差点打出三击全中
"Yello"?
侬好
Oh, hey, Jay. Just a sec. I'll go get Claire.
你好 杰 等下 我找克莱尔去
Oh, actually, it's you I'm calling.
其实我找你
What was that?
什么声音
The cat. There's a cat. What's up?
是猫 有只猫 什么事
Well, Gloria's been missing her grandmother.
歌洛莉亚很想念她的外婆
I've been trying to get this old picture of her printed,
我一直想打印出一张她的照片
but I can't get this new printer to --
但是新的打印机 我...
I'll be right there.
我马上到
Luke, grandpa needs us!
卢克 外公需要我们
Hells yes, I was glad to get the call.
接到电话 我当然很高兴
Jay's always around here fixing things,
杰总来我家修东西
cracking jokes about my "Delicate hands"
嘲笑我柔弱的双手
or my gag response to the smell of paint.
还有我一闻油漆就吐
Look who needs me now
看看谁来求哥了
Mr. Hot-dog fingers who can't press "Print"
"手好粗"先生每次想按打印键
without hitting three extra keys.
他那胖手都会多按好几个按钮
Yeah!
真菜
You're in my house now, Jay!
你可是在我的主场 杰
T-technically, we'll be in his house,
准确的说 我要去他的地盘迎战
but we'll be in my area...
但是他的地盘
of his house.
哥做主
So, I hear you have a boyfriend.
我听说你有男朋友了
- No, I don't. - Who is he?
-哪有 -他是谁
- I'm not talking to you about this. - Oh, come on.
-我才不告诉你呢 -说吧
You're finally interesting. Just tell me.
你总算有点八卦可挖了 快说呗
He's not my boyfriend.
他不是我男友
It's Jeremy Reed.
他叫杰里米·瑞德
It's -- he's just this boy that I --
不过是个男孩 我...
- Love? - No!
-爱他 -没有
Well, have you guys kissed yet?
你们接吻了吗
No!
没有
Well, what are you waiting for?
那你等什么呢
I'm not waiting. I'm 13.
我没等 人家才13岁
And you've never kiss boy?
你还没亲过男生
How old were you?
你初吻什么时候
Like 11.
11岁的时候吧
And it was beautiful.
唯美极了
I was in Jackson Kaner's carpeted garage.
是在杰克逊·肯纳家铺了地毯的车库里
- 11? - Yeah.
-11岁 -是啊
So you better get on it,
你最好也抓紧
or else he's gonna think you're a lesbian.
要不然他会觉得你是拉拉
He's not going to think I'm a lesbian.
他才不会认为我是拉拉
I thought you were.
我就以为你是
You totally have the sandals for it.
你那凉鞋很拉拉
Let's see this bad boy.
我们来看看出了什么问题
Oh, a P-750. Nice unit.
P-750型 不错
I would have sprung for the 840,
要是我 会选840那款
But I get it --
但是我知道
not everyone can handle that kind of horsepower.
不是谁都能玩转这种高级货的
I thought maybe the cordless phone was interfering,
我以为是无线电话干扰了信号
so I unplugged it.
我就给它拔了
Good idea. Maybe we should run downstairs
好主意 也许我们应该下楼
and unplug the toaster while we're at it.
把面包机也拔了
Oh, snap, dad.
幽默啊 老爸
Toaster.
面包机
We're kidding.
开玩笑
A cordless phone is 5.8 gigahertz. This is wi-fi.
无线电话是5.8千兆赫 这个是无线网络
It's a totally different spectrum.
用的不是一个频谱
Walk with me?
跟我来
Here's a little trick that I've found pretty useful with Claire.
教克莱尔使用电器的时候 我发明了个小诀窍
The computer and the printer must talk, talk, talk
电脑和打印机必须要交流 流 流
command-p" Makes the picture walk, walk, walk"
command+p[苹果快捷键] 图片就出来了 了 了
How come it's not working?
好像没反应啊
It should be.
不应该啊
Okay.
好吧
Uh, that should be printing.
应该开始打印了
So...
应该是...
Hey, Phil, I'm gonna get a beer, beer, beer
菲尔 在打的你头头头之前
Before I hit you in the head, head, head.
我要先喝杯啤酒酒酒
Hey. What are you doing here?
嘿 有事吗
Hi, Jeremy. I want to ask you something.
杰里米 我有问题想问你
- Sure, ask - Wait, don't talk yet.
-好 问 -等等 你先别出声
Here is the thing.
是在这么回事
We've texting for a while, and it's been nice,
我们短信已经发了一段时间了 这样挺好
but I feel like it's leading to something else,
但我感觉我们不止于此
and I don't know if you do or not,
我不知道你有没有这种感觉
but I guess what I'm trying to say is,
我要说的是
I'm just a girl standing in front of a boy
我只是一个女孩 站在一个男孩面前
asking for him to like her.
请他喜欢她
Oh, god, that's from "Notting hill."
不对 这句是《诺丁山》的台词
So dorky. But a really underrated movie.
太老套了 不过这绝对是部被低估的电影
What's happening?
你想表达什么
I'm not a lesbian.
我不是拉拉
I would like for you to kiss me.
我想你亲我
Oh, I love watching you stir.
我喜欢看你搅拌的样子
Then I will stop.
那我就停下
What? Are you still mad at me?
怎么 你还生我的气
Yes. You have to apologize for making fun of my culture, my beliefs,
是 你要为取笑我滴文化 我滴信仰
my chunchullo, my abuela.
我滴圈圈肉 我滴奶奶而道歉
I'm sorry.
对不起
If you think your Grandmother's here with us,
如果你认为你奶奶也在这里
I respect that.
我表示尊重
Now, come here.
来抱抱
Oh, Grandma! Where'd you come from?
奶奶 你从哪冒出来的
We're gonna have to get you a little bell.
看来我们要给你系个小铃铛才行
Enough, Jay!
够了 杰
My culture is very important to me!
我的文化对我很重要
I've been working all day to share it with your family tonight,
为了今晚跟你滴家人吃饭我忙了一整天
and all you do is mock me!
你却只管嘲笑我
Just go!
走开
Honey, I'm sorry.
亲爱的 对不起
I'm just teasing you.
我只是逗你玩
Instead of being the comedian, why don't you help me?
有时间当小丑 干嘛不帮我
What do you need?
要我干什么
- Slap the chicken. - Do what?
-拍鸡肉 -干什么
In Colombia, when you cook in honor of the departed,
在哥伦比亚 为了表示对死者的尊重
you have to scare death away from the food
烹饪前要把死神从食物吓走
to protect the people that are gonna eat it.
以保护将要吃此食物滴人
Slap it and yell.
一边拍一边叫
That's the nuttiest --
那也太傻缺了
-Jay! -Calm down.
-杰 -淡定
Give me the chicken.
鸡肉拿来
Here we go.
拍就拍
That's not scaring anything away.
介么轻什么也吓不跑
When my grandfather used to cook,
以前我爷爷做饭滴时候
the whole house would shake.
整间房子都在颤抖
Louder.
大声点
Higher.
调高点
Louder!
不够大声
Higher! Louder! There!
调再高 声再大 这才差不多
I made all that up.
我瞎编滴
That is not a real custom in Colombia.
哥伦比亚没有这个习俗
We're not lunatics.
我们又不是精神错乱
But you mess with us, and we mess with you.
但你惹姐不高兴 姐也不让你舒坦
That's the custom.
这才素我们的习俗
Louder!
大声点
Hey, honey. Where'd you go?
亲爱的 你去哪了
Nowhere. Just for a bike ride.
哪也没去 就骑了会脚踏车
Oh, my god! Puh-lease tell me this text is wrong!
我的天 求求你告诉我这短信纯属虚构
Did you really just go over to that kid's house
你真跑去那个小屁孩的家
and try and kiss him in front of a million people?!
在众目睽睽之下跟他索吻
- Alex, did you do that? - You got a text?
-艾丽克斯你真这么做了 -你收到短信爆料了
Oh, yeah. Everybody knows.
当然 地球人都知道了
Do you know how embarrassing this is for me?!
你知道这让我有多尴尬吗
This is all your fault!
这都是你的错
You're the one who said I had to kiss him or I was a lesbian!
是你说我如果不跟他接吻就是拉拉
Haley! Did you say that to her?!
海莉 你真这么说了
Oh, don't turn this on me. Look at her shoes!
别扯到我身上 你看她穿的那双鞋
Ugh! I'm never going back to school now.
我永远都不要去上学了
No, sweetheart. Yes, you are. You are going back to school.
不 亲爱的 你要 你要去上学
But listen to me-- Just because a boy sends you flirty texts.
但听我说 男生给你发暧昧短信
Doesn't mean that
并不表示
-you have to text him back - what?! You read my texts?!
-你要回复他 -什么 你偷看我短信
- I... - You read her texts?!
-我... -你偷看她短信
That's why you made me talk to her?!
这就是为什么你要我跟她谈
You made her talk to me?!
是你让她跟我谈的
I kind of feel like we're spinning out here a little bit.
我觉得我们现在把话题扯远了
Look, Alex, the important thing here
艾丽克斯 重点是
Is that you have to be very careful how you behave around boys
你跟男生的交往要格外小心
Because it is so easy to get a reputation.
要不你很容易就把名声给毁了
Well, I'm sorry I'm not a perfect little good girl like you were!
我很抱歉我不像你是那么完美的乖乖女
Were you?
你乖吗
Were you?!
你乖吗?!
I highly doubt it!
我严重怀疑
Don't be such a chicken. There's no ghost in here.
胆子别这么小 这里根本没有什么鬼魂
I'm telling you, my Mom said her dead grander was in the house.
我说真的 我妈说她过世的奶奶就在这
She said she felt her here this morning...
她说她今天早上感觉到她的存在
In this room.
就在这个房间
Maybe your Mom's mentally ill.
也许你妈精神病
Who puts a router... in the attic?
是哪个天刹的把路由器... 放在阁楼里
Did she have a limp and a cane?
她是不是腿脚不便 杵着一根枴杖
Ghost of Manny's great-grandma,
曼尼曾祖母的鬼魂
if that's really you,
如果真是你
Show yourself!
快快显灵
That's her!
这就是我曾祖母
Come on!
怎么会
Why?!
为什么
Why?!!
为什么?!!
-Hi, grandpa.- How we doing, girls?
-外公好 -你们好吗 孩子们
Mom ruined my life today.
我今天算是被妈妈毁了
-I didn't ruin your life. I was - don't even talk to me!
-我没有 我是 -不要和我说话
I didn't even want to come here.
我根本都不想来这
Well, okay.
好了
Snacks and and sodas are in the living room,
点心和苏打水在客厅
But don't fill up -- we've got intestines coming.
别吃太饱 一会还要吃猪肠
Uh, dad, if you're looking for your shoes,
那个 爸 如果你在找鞋
I think I know where they are.
我晓得在哪儿
This happens to be a colombian custom --
这是个哥伦比亚风俗
Walking in the footsteps of the ancestors, blah, blah, blah.
追随祖先的足迹啥啥啥的
Beats slapping the chicken.
总比让我拍鸡肉好过
Here, I brought you a drink.
来 我给你拿了杯喝的
Oh, wait a minute --
等一下
Sip it first.
你先喝一口
I'm not mad at you.
我没生你气
I thought about it, and maybe you're right.
我想了一下 也许你是对的
I can be a little needy sometimes.
有时候我是有点粘人了
Oh, well, I-I appreciate that.
喔 谢谢你那么说
And you're probably not entirely off base.
当然也不全是你的错
I mean, lord knows I-I've got my quirks.
我是说 天知道 我自己也很怪咖
And I-I'm not the most demonstrative guy around,
我不是个爱感情外露的人
But I'm -- I'm working on it.
但是我在改
-And I'm gonna help you with it. -Good.
-我会帮你的 -好
Just don't give up on me.
别失去耐心
Never.
永远不会
Okay, everybody, let's gather around!
大家伙都过来
Jay, come here.
杰 过来
Tonight we dine on the traditional colombian recipes
今晚我们吃传统哥伦比亚菜
of my abuela, my grandmother.
我奶奶的拿手菜 [abuela西班牙语里祖母的意思]
And even though she's no longer with me,
尽管她已经不在了
I am very happy because I have all of you.
但素我很高兴 因为我有你们
To ana-maria rosa de la immaculada jimenez morales.
为了我的祖母干杯[祖母名字不要太~长]
To ana-maria rosa...
为… 那谁干杯
That was beautiful, Gloria,
歌洛莉亚 太美好了
just like my Mitchell.
就像我的米奇尔一样
Just slipped right off there.
好滑
Ay, Cameron, what happened?
卡梅隆 怎么了
One moment you were there,
刚才你还坐在那
the next, only shoes.
一眨眼滴功夫就只看见鞋子了
I'll tell you what happened --
我告诉你是怎么回事
Mitchell is embarrassed to kiss me
米奇尔不好意思
in front of other people.
在别人面前吻我
No, you ambushed me!
不是的 是你太突然了
Oh, Cam, come on.
小卡 算了吧
Don't take it personally.
他不是针对你
When Mitchell was in high school,
米奇尔上高中的时候
He was dating this girl -- Robin Schier.
和一个叫罗宾·希尔的女孩约会
He would never kiss her, either.
他也从来不吻人家
That's because I was gay.
那是因为我是同志
What's your excuse now?
那现在你又有什么借口
Ay, Cameron, it's not Mitch's fault.
卡梅隆 这不怪米奇尔
He gets it from his father.
他遗传他爸
Jay doesn't like the lovey-dovey in public, either.
杰也不喜欢在公共场合黏黏呼呼滴
I can't believe you're coming at me right now.
简直不敢相信你又扯到我身上来了
I'm standing here with shoes around my neck.
我现在站在这 脖子上还套着双鞋
And for the better part of a half-hour,
有大半个钟头
I screamed the death out of your meat.
我都在大嚷着把肉里面的死神吓出来
-Now, what do you want from me? -Don't you see?
-你到底想让我怎么样 -看见了吧
It's because of you
都是因为你
that your son cannot kiss his own lover.
你儿子才不肯吻他情人的
- Don't say "Lover." - we don't like "Lover."
-不要说"情人" -我们不喜欢说"情人"
Can we just eat?
我们吃饭好不好
No. Tell Mitch
不行 你告诉米奇尔
that it's okay to kiss Cam in front of you.
他可以当着你的面吻卡梅隆
Why is that something we have to do?
干嘛非得这样
We don't.
不需要
Of course we don't.
当然不需要
Oh, I'm sorry that I don't want to make out with you
真对不起 我不想当着我全家人的面
in front of my whole family.
和你亲热
No need to apologize.
不用道歉
Oh, Gloria is right.
歌洛莉亚说的对
Dad, you being so emotionally closed off
爸爸 你这么封闭自己的感情
makes it very difficult for your children to show affection.
影响了你的孩子也很难表达自己的感情
- Really? - Yes.
-是吗 -没错
You had trouble showing affection in public places?
你在公共场合也不善于表达感情
-Yes!- You? -Yes.
-对 -你吗 -是的
Was that before or after
那是在你什么也没穿
you were delivered to my door in a squad car,
只穿着内衣 披着警察局的毯子
wearing nothing but your underwear and a police blanket?
被巡逻车送到我门口之前还是之后
Oh, my god. What? You were arrested?
天哪 什么 你进去过
-Awesome! - Not awesome.
-太给力了 -给什么力
And I wasn't arrested.
我没有被逮捕
Your grandfather was just telling a joke.
你们外公只是在开玩笑
It was just a joke. I got a million of 'em.
玩笑吗 我能讲N个呢
Dad.
爸爸
I did it!
我成功啦
It's printing!
能打印了
I had to download new firmware, install new drivers,
我下载了新固件 安装了新的驱动程序
change your encryption, and replace an ethernet cable
改了你的加密码 还在蒸笼似的阁楼上
in a 100-degree attic,
换了条以太网线缆
while dodging particularly aggressive spiders,
一边还得防着点蜘蛛
but I did it!
但是我做到了
Thanks.
谢谢
Oh. Okay. I guess that's it.
喔 看来就这样了
What? What's it?
什么 就怎么样了
Wake up, dummy.
还不明白吗 傻瓜
This is what we're talking about.
这就是我们说的
This guy's been working like an imbecile all day for you.
这家伙像白痴一样给你忙活了一天
People need something else -- kisses, hugs.
我们还需要别的东西 亲吻 拥抱
What, for fixing a printer?
什么 就为了修理个打印机吗
Oh, it's fine. It was only four hours.
也没什么 只用了四个小时
I tipped over a paint can and threw up a little,
我让一个油漆桶绊倒了 小吐了一下
But I think -- I think "Thanks" about covers it.
但是我想 我想这句"谢谢"也够了
Well, what's wrong with "Thanks"?
是啊 说"谢谢"怎么了
It's pretty much the bare minimum, dad.
爸爸 这几乎是最低程度的感激了
Jay, for god's sakes, just say something.
杰 看在上帝份上 说点什么
You want me to say something?
你想让我说点什么吗
How about "You're welcome"?
那"欢迎你们"怎么样
How about "I'm -- I'm so happy to be here for you all
"我很高兴你们大家都能来"
so I can take the blame for all your crap."
"所以我才能在这享受你们的碎碎念"吗
I don't do this,
我做不来
I never did that.
我从来也不做这个
Trust me, I gave you twice
相信我 我给你们的已经比我父亲
as much as my father ever gave me.
给我的要多出一倍了
The man kissed me one time in my entire life.
他一辈子就吻过我一次
He came up behind me, kissed me on the back of the head,
他走到我身后亲了下我的后脑勺
said, "Goodnight, Becky."
对我说 晚安 贝奇
He thought I was my sister.
他竟然把我当成了我妹妹
Wait a minute.
等一下
When was the last time you kissed Mitch?
你上次亲米奇是什么时候
What does that have to do with anything?
这都哪跟哪啊
Mitch, when was the last time he kissed you?
米奇 他上次亲你是什么时候
I-I don't remember.
我记不得了
- It wasn't that long ago. - I was 12.
-又没多久 -我12岁的时候
12? This is the problem!
12岁 这就是问题所在
Jay's dad doesn't kiss Jay,
杰的老爸不亲杰
so Jay doe't kiss Mitch, and Mitch is uptight.
所以杰就不亲米奇 从而导致米奇灰常保守
Okay, okay, "Uptight" was really not on the table.
好了好了 现在不是谈我保不保守的事
This is more about kissing.
我们是在谈亲吻
Jay, kiss your son. He's a mess.
杰 亲吻你的儿子 他简直一团糟
Oh, come on, now.
不会吧 现在吗
We don't have to do that. It's...
我们其实不必这么做的
- Yes, you do. - No. - Come on.
-你要做 - 不
Come on, do it. You're in front of your grandchildren.
快滴 亲嘛 孙辈们都看着呢
All right, all right! Shut up!
好吧好吧 别吵了
Mitch, get over here.
米奇 过来
W-what, now? Well, I feel weird now.
什么 现在吗 我觉得太诡异了
Don't be coy.
别扭扭捏捏的
What are you waiting for, a box of chocolates?
你还等什么呢 一盒巧克力吗
Let's do this.
过来亲亲
That's the sweetest thing I've ever seen.
这是我见过的最甜蜜的事了
All right, and now because I never want to hear this again.
就这样 我现在可不想再听到有人抱怨
You.
到你了
Not you.
没你的事
Oh, daddy, I love you.
爸爸我爱你
Let's go eat chunchullo!
我们来吃圈圈肉吧
That's ok.
太好了
You know it's made of pig intestines, right?
那是用猪肠做的对吗
Alex, wait.
艾丽克斯 等一下
- What? - I want to talk to you.
-怎么了 -我想和你谈谈
Mom, I don't want another lecture.
妈妈 我不想再听你的那些说教了
It's not a lecture. I want to tell you something.
不是说教 我想告诉你一些事情
Honey, I know exactly how you're feeling.
亲爱的 我完全了解你现在的心情
No, you don't.
不 你不了解
Okay, the -- the joke that grandpa told tonight?
好吧 还记得今晚外公讲的那个笑话吗
That -- that happened.
确 确实有这么回事
That...That was true.
那 是真的
So, you were arrested naked?
这么说你真裸着被抓过
I wasn't naked!
我没裸
And I was not arrested per se.
而且我本身也没有被抓
I was driven home one night by the police
我只是有天晚上被警车送回家
because my boyfriend and I
而这是因为我和我男友
had gone swimming in somebody's pool,
没带泳衣
and we didn't have bathing suits and -- blah, blah, blah.
就跑去别人的水池里游泳等等等等
The details aren't important.
细节不重要
What matters is that everybody at school was talking about it.
关键在于学校里每个人都在谈论这件事
And I thought I would die.
我当时以为自己死定了
But it passed.
不过这事儿也就这么过去了
I swear.
我发誓
And now, honey, I'm -- I'm glad it happened.
而现在 宝贝 我很高兴有这么回事
I've got a funny story to tell at dinner parties.
这让我在晚宴时有笑料可说
So, how long did it take before you thought it was funny?
那你花了多久才觉得这事儿有趣的
Oh, god...
老天
10, 15 years.
十到十五年吧
Great. What do I do about tomorrow?
好极了 我明天怎么办
I don't think you have to worry about that.
我认为你不需要担心这个
Go, go, go.
去吧去吧
In Colombia, we kiss for everything,
在哥伦比亚 我们常常亲吻
because a kiss can mean so many different things.
因为一个吻可以有辣么多涵义
There's no ghost in here, is there?
这儿没鬼吧
Not a chance.
当然没
Sleep easy, kid.
睡个好觉 孩子
It can be the start of something new.
它可能素一个全新的开始
It can be how we say, "This is the person that I love."
也可能素我们说"这是我的爱人"的方式
So who's a better kisser, me or your dad?
谁吻功更高 我还是你老爸
Ew.
恶[与"你"音相近]
It can be romantic.
也可能会很浪漫
Just so you know, if my friends weren't there,
只是想告诉你 要是我朋友不在那儿的话
I would've said yes.
我会答应你的
So, if you still want to...
所以 要是你还愿意的话
If it's okay...
要是可以的话
Maybe we should hang out more first.
或许我们应该先多约会几次
This is only the second conversation we've had
毕竟这是我们除了短信之外
that wasn't by text.
第二次说话
It can also be worth waiting for.
也可能会值得等待
Jay, what is this?
杰 这是什么
Just another nice thing I did for you
不过是你耍我的时候
while you made a fool of me.
我为你做的另一件好事罢了
Manny let me in on your little tricks.
曼尼把你的小把戏都告诉我了
You feel bad now?
你现在不爽了吗
No. I feel good.
不 我感觉灰常好
That one is definitely my favorite.
那照片绝对是我的最爱
Phil, you really don't have to do this.
菲尔 你真的不必这么做
No. I-I can do it. I wanna do it.
不 我能做到 我想这么做
It's silly to pay someone else just to do something --
花钱请人来做这个真是太蠢了
Oh, no! Oh!
哦 不
Oh, wait! No, no, don't spill it!
等等 别别 千万别洒出来
Sweetie, don't spill that!
亲爱的 别把它洒出来
Oh, that's on me!
你弄我身上去了
Careful! Oh, gosh!
小心点 我的天啊
Okay, get up. You're fine.
没事的 站起来 你没事的
- Get it off! - Okay, I got it.
-把它弄掉 -好的 我来弄
I got it. Got it off. Got it off.
我来弄 脱掉了 脱掉了
- Oh, the face! - Not the face!
-我的脸 -没弄你的脸
- Oh, the face! - All right,
-我的脸 -看到了
I'll pull it down! You're good!
我会帮你擦掉的 你没事的
All right, I'm gonna have to
好吧 我得去
- It's on me. - I'll cut it off.
-弄得我一身都是 -我来把衣服剪了
Good idea.
好主意
Get a bucket, please!
帮我拿个桶 快点