How could we don't have the same number of containers and lids?
Why would they ever get separated?
Built-up resentment, money issues,
met a younger lid.
Mom, where's my science homework?
Uh, it's over there on the table.
So, Alex, honey, what's going on?
艾丽克斯 宝贝 最近怎么样
- Any boys? - No.
I'm feeling a little bit disconnected
from Alex right now.
Last week, I picked up her cellphone,
thinking it was mine.
And I accidentally read a few flirty text messages
that were probably from a boy in her class,
Or they're from a drifter.
Come on, isn't there something
you want to share with your mommers?
Yeah. Don't call yourself "Mommers."
He blew his lid when she tried to contain him.
Okay. What do you think?
-I like it. -But you don't love it.
No, I do. I love it.
- As much as you loved the other one? - Ooh.
The house is on fire. I only have time to grab one shirt.
Which one do I take?
The correct answer is take Lily.
Uh, okay, the blue one.
Because the gray one washes me out.
No, no. Cam, you -- you can't go wrong here.
不不不 别误会 小卡
Everything you've tried on looks great.
I love you in both of them.
Oh, you're so nice to me.
Mitchell has a problem with public displays of affection.
Um, I remember once at a new year's eve party,
stroke of midnight, he high-fived me.
Two problems with that --
One, gays don't high-five.
Two, gays don't high-five.
Mmm, what smells so good?
I'm making chunchullo, a traditional Colombian dish,
for dinner with the family tonight.
What is that -- like, uh, tacos?
Yes, like tacos.
- It's the small intestine of a pig. - Oh, Geez.
Why can't we eat regular food like normal people?
I told you, Jay.
My grandmother, who rests in peace,
has been coming to me in my dreams,
telling me that I'm losing touch with my roots.
See, this is awkward,
because my dead uncle joe told me to have steak tonight.
No, no, no, Jay. Have some respect.
不不不 杰 放尊重点
My grandmother can hear you.
What do you mean, she can hear us?
Well, in our culture,
we believe that the dead are all around us.
She's right, Manny.
She could be right here,
her bony fingers reaching out from the grave.
Yeah, keep it up, Jay.
厉害哦 杰 继续忽悠呀
There's already one dead person in this room.
You want to make it two?
I'm sorry. I've got a printer to install.
Oh, Gloria, have your grandmother
run me up an iced tea in about 10 minutes.
Yeah, she has a better chance of making that work than you!
Why don't you save us the stomping and the swearing and call Phil?
He's good at that stuff.
Phil's not better than me at anything,
Except maybe making that stupid sound with his mouth.
Haley, honey, um, I need you to do something for me.
Ugh. Mom, my arm hurts.
啊 妈 我手痛
Why don't you find out what it is
before you start making up excuses to get out of it?
I need you to talk to your sister.
I think that there's something going on with her and a boy.
So, I am your mother, and it is my job to make sure
that you girls don't get involved with a predator.
Okay, mom, stop watching "Dateline."
得了吧 妈妈 别再看新闻联播了
And why can't you just talk to her?
I have tried to talk to her.
I -- she won't talk to me. You know that.
That's because you get so weird every time a boy comes near us.
I-I just don't want you girls to --
- To make the same mistakes that you did? - No!
Mom, I'm not an idiot.
I pick up on things.
And I don't think that you were the good girl
you pretend you were.
Wow. That is so untrue.
I was a very good girl. Mm.
Your kids don't need to know
who you were before you had them.
They need to know who you wish you were,
and they need to try to live up to that person.
They're gonna fall short,
but better they fall short of the fake you
than the real you.
Which is why we don't hide anything.
That's the opposite of what I just said.
I was not listening.
I'll say it again -- I love you in paisley.
Oh, let me lock the door and draw the curtains.
What does that mean?
-It doesn't mean anything. -Good.
You know exactly what it means.
You won't kiss me in front of other people
because you're ashamed of who you are.
And, yes...I went there.
Okay, you can't say, "Yes, I went there,"
when you go there all the time.
And, by the way, I'm the one who makes speeches on airplanes
every time someone looks at us weird.
I'm the one who gives my dad hell
when he refers to you as my "Friend."
That's different. That's confrontation.
But you know what takes real strength?
-Affection. -Oh, this is insane.
Buying a shirt -- it's not a kiss-worthy moment.
Oh, I didn't know there was an official list.
Please, tell us -- what is on the list?
求你 告诉我 什么时候能亲
I'll tell you what's not on the list --
Finding jalapeno-stuffed olives,
making the light on maple,
every time we see a V.W.
You don't like "Kiss-buggy"?
It's not a real game!
It -- it's just another way for you to be needy.
I -- and I don't appreciate you making me feel bad
because I can't live up to your impossible standards.
Nobody kisses at a bowling alley!
I almost got a turkey!
Oh, hey, Jay. Just a sec. I'll go get Claire.
你好 杰 等下 我找克莱尔去
Oh, actually, it's you I'm calling.
The cat. There's a cat. What's up?
是猫 有只猫 什么事
Well, Gloria's been missing her grandmother.
I've been trying to get this old picture of her printed,
but I can't get this new printer to --
I'll be right there.
Luke, grandpa needs us!
Hells yes, I was glad to get the call.
Jay's always around here fixing things,
cracking jokes about my "Delicate hands"
or my gag response to the smell of paint.
Look who needs me now
Mr. Hot-dog fingers who can't press "Print"
without hitting three extra keys.
You're in my house now, Jay!
T-technically, we'll be in his house,
but we'll be in my area...
So, I hear you have a boyfriend.
- No, I don't. - Who is he?
- I'm not talking to you about this. - Oh, come on.
You're finally interesting. Just tell me.
He's not my boyfriend.
It's Jeremy Reed.
It's -- he's just this boy that I --
Well, have you guys kissed yet?
Well, what are you waiting for?
I'm not waiting. I'm 13.
And you've never kiss boy?
How old were you?
And it was beautiful.
I was in Jackson Kaner's carpeted garage.
So you better get on it,
or else he's gonna think you're a lesbian.
He's not going to think I'm a lesbian.
I thought you were.
You totally have the sandals for it.
Let's see this bad boy.
Oh, a P-750. Nice unit.
I would have sprung for the 840,
not everyone can handle that kind of horsepower.
I thought maybe the cordless phone was interfering,
so I unplugged it.
Good idea. Maybe we should run downstairs
and unplug the toaster while we're at it.
A cordless phone is 5.8 gigahertz. This is wi-fi.
It's a totally different spectrum.
Here's a little trick that I've found pretty useful with Claire.
The computer and the printer must talk, talk, talk
电脑和打印机必须要交流 流 流
command-p" Makes the picture walk, walk, walk"
command+p[苹果快捷键] 图片就出来了 了 了
How come it's not working?
Uh, that should be printing.
Hey, Phil, I'm gonna get a beer, beer, beer
Before I hit you in the head, head, head.
Hey. What are you doing here?
Hi, Jeremy. I want to ask you something.
- Sure, ask - Wait, don't talk yet.
-好 问 -等等 你先别出声
Here is the thing.
We've texting for a while, and it's been nice,
but I feel like it's leading to something else,
and I don't know if you do or not,
but I guess what I'm trying to say is,
I'm just a girl standing in front of a boy
asking for him to like her.
Oh, god, that's from "Notting hill."
So dorky. But a really underrated movie.
I would like for you to kiss me.
Oh, I love watching you stir.
What? Are you still mad at me?
Yes. You have to apologize for making fun of my culture, my beliefs,
是 你要为取笑我滴文化 我滴信仰
my chunchullo, my abuela.
If you think your Grandmother's here with us,
Oh, Grandma! Where'd you come from?
We're gonna have to get you a little bell.
My culture is very important to me!
I've been working all day to share it with your family tonight,
and all you do is mock me!
Honey, I'm sorry.
I'm just teasing you.
Instead of being the comedian, why don't you help me?
- Slap the chicken. - Do what?
In Colombia, when you cook in honor of the departed,
you have to scare death away from the food
to protect the people that are gonna eat it.
That's the nuttiest --
Give me the chicken.
That's not scaring anything away.
When my grandfather used to cook,
the whole house would shake.
Higher! Louder! There!
调再高 声再大 这才差不多
That is not a real custom in Colombia.
We're not lunatics.
But you mess with us, and we mess with you.
That's the custom.
Hey, honey. Where'd you go?
Nowhere. Just for a bike ride.
Oh, my god! Puh-lease tell me this text is wrong!
Did you really just go over to that kid's house
and try and kiss him in front of a million people?!
- Alex, did you do that? - You got a text?
Oh, yeah. Everybody knows.
Do you know how embarrassing this is for me?!
This is all your fault!
You're the one who said I had to kiss him or I was a lesbian!
Haley! Did you say that to her?!
Oh, don't turn this on me. Look at her shoes!
Ugh! I'm never going back to school now.
No, sweetheart. Yes, you are. You are going back to school.
不 亲爱的 你要 你要去上学
But listen to me-- Just because a boy sends you flirty texts.
-you have to text him back - what?! You read my texts?!
-你要回复他 -什么 你偷看我短信
- I... - You read her texts?!
That's why you made me talk to her?!
You made her talk to me?!
I kind of feel like we're spinning out here a little bit.
Look, Alex, the important thing here
Is that you have to be very careful how you behave around boys
Because it is so easy to get a reputation.
Well, I'm sorry I'm not a perfect little good girl like you were!
Don't be such a chicken. There's no ghost in here.
I'm telling you, my Mom said her dead grander was in the house.
She said she felt her here this morning...
Maybe your Mom's mentally ill.
Who puts a router... in the attic?
Did she have a limp and a cane?
Ghost of Manny's great-grandma,
if that's really you,
-Hi, grandpa.- How we doing, girls?
-外公好 -你们好吗 孩子们
Mom ruined my life today.
-I didn't ruin your life. I was - don't even talk to me!
-我没有 我是 -不要和我说话
I didn't even want to come here.
Snacks and and sodas are in the living room,
But don't fill up -- we've got intestines coming.
Uh, dad, if you're looking for your shoes,
那个 爸 如果你在找鞋
I think I know where they are.
This happens to be a colombian custom --
Walking in the footsteps of the ancestors, blah, blah, blah.
Beats slapping the chicken.
Here, I brought you a drink.
I'm not mad at you.
I thought about it, and maybe you're right.
I can be a little needy sometimes.
Oh, well, I-I appreciate that.
And you're probably not entirely off base.
I mean, lord knows I-I've got my quirks.
我是说 天知道 我自己也很怪咖
And I-I'm not the most demonstrative guy around,
But I'm -- I'm working on it.
-And I'm gonna help you with it. -Good.
Just don't give up on me.
Okay, everybody, let's gather around!
Tonight we dine on the traditional colombian recipes
of my abuela, my grandmother.
And even though she's no longer with me,
I am very happy because I have all of you.
To ana-maria rosa de la immaculada jimenez morales.
To ana-maria rosa...
That was beautiful, Gloria,
just like my Mitchell.
Just slipped right off there.
Ay, Cameron, what happened?
One moment you were there,
the next, only shoes.
I'll tell you what happened --
Mitchell is embarrassed to kiss me
in front of other people.
No, you ambushed me!
Don't take it personally.
When Mitchell was in high school,
He was dating this girl -- Robin Schier.
He would never kiss her, either.
That's because I was gay.
What's your excuse now?
Ay, Cameron, it's not Mitch's fault.
He gets it from his father.
Jay doesn't like the lovey-dovey in public, either.
I can't believe you're coming at me right now.
I'm standing here with shoes around my neck.
And for the better part of a half-hour,
I screamed the death out of your meat.
-Now, what do you want from me? -Don't you see?
It's because of you
that your son cannot kiss his own lover.
- Don't say "Lover." - we don't like "Lover."
that it's okay to kiss Cam in front of you.
Why is that something we have to do?
Of course we don't.
Oh, I'm sorry that I don't want to make out with you
in front of my whole family.
No need to apologize.
Oh, Gloria is right.
Dad, you being so emotionally closed off
makes it very difficult for your children to show affection.
You had trouble showing affection in public places?
-Yes!- You? -Yes.
-对 -你吗 -是的
Was that before or after
you were delivered to my door in a squad car,
wearing nothing but your underwear and a police blanket?
Oh, my god. What? You were arrested?
天哪 什么 你进去过
-Awesome! - Not awesome.
And I wasn't arrested.
Your grandfather was just telling a joke.
It was just a joke. I got a million of 'em.
I had to download new firmware, install new drivers,
change your encryption, and replace an ethernet cable
in a 100-degree attic,
while dodging particularly aggressive spiders,
Oh. Okay. I guess that's it.
What? What's it?
This is what we're talking about.
This guy's been working like an imbecile all day for you.
People need something else -- kisses, hugs.
我们还需要别的东西 亲吻 拥抱
What, for fixing a printer?
Oh, it's fine. It was only four hours.
I tipped over a paint can and threw up a little,
But I think -- I think "Thanks" about covers it.
Well, what's wrong with "Thanks"?
It's pretty much the bare minimum, dad.
Jay, for god's sakes, just say something.
杰 看在上帝份上 说点什么
You want me to say something?
How about "You're welcome"?
How about "I'm -- I'm so happy to be here for you all
so I can take the blame for all your crap."
I never did that.
Trust me, I gave you twice
as much as my father ever gave me.
The man kissed me one time in my entire life.
He came up behind me, kissed me on the back of the head,
said, "Goodnight, Becky."
对我说 晚安 贝奇
He thought I was my sister.
When was the last time you kissed Mitch?
What does that have to do with anything?
Mitch, when was the last time he kissed you?
I-I don't remember.
- It wasn't that long ago. - I was 12.
12? This is the problem!
Jay's dad doesn't kiss Jay,
so Jay doe't kiss Mitch, and Mitch is uptight.
Okay, okay, "Uptight" was really not on the table.
This is more about kissing.
Jay, kiss your son. He's a mess.
杰 亲吻你的儿子 他简直一团糟
Oh, come on, now.
We don't have to do that. It's...
- Yes, you do. - No. - Come on.
-你要做 - 不
Come on, do it. You're in front of your grandchildren.
快滴 亲嘛 孙辈们都看着呢
All right, all right! Shut up!
Mitch, get over here.
W-what, now? Well, I feel weird now.
什么 现在吗 我觉得太诡异了
What are you waiting for, a box of chocolates?
That's the sweetest thing I've ever seen.
All right, and now because I never want to hear this again.
Oh, daddy, I love you.
Let's go eat chunchullo!
You know it's made of pig intestines, right?
- What? - I want to talk to you.
Mom, I don't want another lecture.
It's not a lecture. I want to tell you something.
Honey, I know exactly how you're feeling.
Okay, the -- the joke that grandpa told tonight?
That -- that happened.
That...That was true.
So, you were arrested naked?
And I was not arrested per se.
I was driven home one night by the police
because my boyfriend and I
had gone swimming in somebody's pool,
and we didn't have bathing suits and -- blah, blah, blah.
The details aren't important.
What matters is that everybody at school was talking about it.
And I thought I would die.
But it passed.
And now, honey, I'm -- I'm glad it happened.
而现在 宝贝 我很高兴有这么回事
I've got a funny story to tell at dinner parties.
So, how long did it take before you thought it was funny?
Great. What do I do about tomorrow?
I don't think you have to worry about that.
In Colombia, we kiss for everything,
because a kiss can mean so many different things.
There's no ghost in here, is there?
It can be the start of something new.
It can be how we say, "This is the person that I love."
So who's a better kisser, me or your dad?
It can be romantic.
Just so you know, if my friends weren't there,
I would've said yes.
So, if you still want to...
Maybe we should hang out more first.
This is only the second conversation we've had
that wasn't by text.
It can also be worth waiting for.
Jay, what is this?
Just another nice thing I did for you
while you made a fool of me.
Manny let me in on your little tricks.
You feel bad now?
No. I feel good.
That one is definitely my favorite.
Phil, you really don't have to do this.
No. I-I can do it. I wanna do it.
不 我能做到 我想这么做
It's silly to pay someone else just to do something --
Oh, wait! No, no, don't spill it!
等等 别别 千万别洒出来
Sweetie, don't spill that!
Oh, that's on me!
Careful! Oh, gosh!
Okay, get up. You're fine.
没事的 站起来 你没事的
- Get it off! - Okay, I got it.
-把它弄掉 -好的 我来弄
I got it. Got it off. Got it off.
我来弄 脱掉了 脱掉了
- Oh, the face! - Not the face!
- Oh, the face! - All right,
I'll pull it down! You're good!
All right, I'm gonna have to
- It's on me. - I'll cut it off.
Get a bucket, please!