And now, please welcome your valedictorian,
Where are my mom and dad?
and in this corner,
finishing first in her class,
delivering the commencement address,
weighing in at -- what do you weigh, honey?
体重有 你多重来着 宝贝
A healthy amount for a girl her age.
are you getting all this, buddy?
She's the main brain,
the cerebellum of the ball, Alex Dunphy!!
Oh, keep rolling, The News will want this footage
when I eventually snap.
I thought Sanjay Patel was first in the class.
He was until he missed a few weeks
and the robot he was building attacked him.
It's happening, people.
Our hubris will be our undoing.
Sweetie, what do you say you and I
go and get our nails done, huh?
It's okay. I want to work on my speech.
I remember the speech that won me treasurer
of my high-school spanish club.
"Mi nombre es Felipe.
Yo voy a la escuela..."
It was kind of a grande deal.
I was up against an actual puerto rican.
Honey, are you sure?
Because I think they can do school colors.
- I'm good, mom. - Okay.
-不用了 妈妈 -好吧
Family milestones always throw Claire for a loop.
and then the next day, she has a total meltdown,
and I have to pick up the pieces.
Problem is, tomorrow,
I'm supposed to go to vegas with my buds,
So...I need her to melt down today.
Otherwise, what happens in Vegas won't happen to me
because I won't be there.
Emotional day, huh?
"Guys, I can't go to Vegas
because my wife's freaking out!"
Trust me, that is not a phone call you want to make
to a bunch of ex-college male cheerleaders.
They will mock you with a hurtful, rhythmic taunt.
Ay! How was the doctor?
Can you pick up some bread on the way home, please?
I'm home. My damn gate remote won't work.
Could you press...
- Hello? - ...9?
- Manny, it's okay. - What's okay?
-曼尼 没事的 -什么没事
- Where are you calling from? - I'm not calling from.
What's wrong with Jay?
My clicker won't work.
your heart's not working?!
How could you tell us this over the phone?!
Would somebody please press 9 and let me in?
It won't work if you're both on the line.
- Okay. - Okay.
Okay, Lily, time to get dressed. Okay.
来 莉莉 该穿衣服
I can't believe Alex is gonna be in high school.
Oh, well, you feel old.
I was there when she was born --
in the delivery room.
If I wasn't gay before, I --
Oh, please, you wouldn't have lasted two minutes on a farm.
I've witnessed all kinds of birthing --
never batted an eye.
I've seen cattle, I've seen hogs,
I've seen goats --
I've even seen a three-legged --
- I'm sorry. - Really, mitchell?
-我不是故意的 -你笑得出来 米奇尔
I could have just died.
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Principal Kaizler, faculty, parents,
凯茨勒校长 教职工们 家长们
fellow graduates, it's --
Oh, you're working on your speech.
Well, do you need any help?
Because sometimes it's great
to bounce ideas off someone whose opinion you value.
Okay. That's cool.
We could do your hair.
We could do it like we saw in that magazine.
Oh, what's that actress -- what's her name? --
With the -- you know, with the teeth?
Mom, mom, please.
- I'm -- I'm trying to concentrate. - Okay.
Well, you be ready to go in a half-hour,
because we are going to carpool with your grandpa.
Haley's driving me.
I want to get there early.
That's a great idea.
Great. I will see you there...
Hey, mama bear. You okay?
喂 熊妈妈 还好吗
Not with "Mama bear" I'm not.
- Don't cry. - I'm not crying.
Shh! Don't be brave.
I'm here for you.
Until 2 p.m. Tomorrow, when my flight leaves for vegas.
Where were you? Did you bring the bread?
I was stuck outside that gate
for 10 minutes before it opened.
We got to get that thing fixed. Ay!
What happened to your eye?
What are you talking about?
What do you mean, "Droopy"?
Aah. I don't like the look of that, Jay.
Here, let me check something.
Put that thing away. I saw my dermatologist.
He was checking for moles or something.
He probably got some numbing cream on it.
Nothing to worry about.
Stupid doctor talked me into it,
And now it's drifting.
I haven't felt this dumb since
I shelled out 30 bucks for that bracelet
that's supposed to give me better balance.
- Try to push my arm down. - Okay.
Go ahead. You can't do it. You can't do it.
来吧 你做不到 你做不到
- Okay. All right. I can't -- - Honey, I'm home.
-好的 我是做不到 -亲爱的 我回来了
Hey, uh, why is your dad's car here?
"It's ironic that I stand up here
representing my classmates when,
for the past three years,
most of them have treated me like I'm invisible.
It's my own fault.
I was obsessed with good grades
instead of looks, popularity, and skinny jeans."
而不是长相 人气 或是紧身牛仔裤"
What?! Is that your speech?!
You cannot say that!
Yes, I can! And you want to know why?
'cause it's the truth.
No one wants to hear the truth.
It's very simple, Alex.
In order to give a good speech,
all you have to do is take a song and say it,
like... "Don't stop believin'"
or "Get this party started."
That means nothing.
Nobody wants to think.
It's a graduation,
a celebration of being done with thinking.
People want to be challenged.
They're gonna respect me for it.
No one's ever gonna talk to you again.
Mahatma Gandhi went on a hunger strike
for what he believed in.
That's 'cause no one would eat with him in the cafeteria!
- Hey, guys! - We're here.
Come on over. Have some lemonade and cookies.
快过来 喝点柠檬水 吃点饼干
Jay, that's not looking very good.
Quick! Who's the president?
- Obama! - Phil, please.
-奥巴马 -菲尔 拜托
I'm trying to rule out a stroke.
Why does everybody always assume I'm having a stroke?
You forgot to bring my bread.
I'm sorry we're late.
That's okay. We got to leave in about 5 minutes, though.
Luke, stop pushing that ball around!
You're gonna fall in.
Oh, yes, and then your uncle Mitchell
will laugh at your expense!
I'm just saying it's a character flaw.
Okay, okay, quick poll here.
This morning, Cam, fully dressed...
Thank god it's one of those stories.
...while in the middle of a very serious thought,
fell into a ducky pool.
Oh, my goodness. Are you all right?
Yes, I am. Thank you.
That is a normal reaction -- love and concern.
Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait.
The pool popped.
- There is nothing worse than a tailbone injury. - I know.
Seriously? No, no, no, no.
You're so full of it.
You know this is funny.
falling into a tiny pool.
He'll be here all week, folks!
Literally, because you're not coming home with me.
There she is. There's my little Stella.
I just wan eat your face!
You remember when you used to hold alex like that,
and you wanted to eat her face?
Now she's off to high school. Mm.
Time marches on, huh?
You know what's really sad?
The end of "Titanic."
Do you realize, in two years,
you and I will be graduating?
I think I'm moving the ball with my mind.
Well, I'll be graduating.
You guys, stop congratulating yourselves
for being so compassionate.
If you had been there,
you would have laughed just as hard as I did.
He's been embaassed enough today.
Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
忍住 忍住 忍住 忍住
Wow. Now it makes sense.
It's a Pritchett thing.
Suddenly it's all very clear.
Be careful. You might run into it.
I'm sorry, Cam. I'm sorry.
oh, my god, dad, your face!
天啊 老爸 你的脸
What? Oh, that's nothing, nothing.
It's boring. I went to the dermatologist.
It's a boring story. I'm fine.
- No, no, no, we got to get you to a hospital. - I'm fine.
-不 我们带你去医院 -我没事
Yes, I'm taking you. Come.
是的 我带你去 走
Gloria, no, wait.
歌洛莉亚 不 等等
Wait right here! Gloria?
The reason my face looks like this is because I had...
Like the ladies use for their wrinkles?
Well, actually, nearly 10% of their sales are men,
But that's not important.
I had a bad reaction.
Hit a nerve or something.
It's gonna go away soon.
What? What's that supposed to mean?
This is very embarrassing for me.
He's fine. It was a false alarm.
What do you mean, a false alarm?
His face looks like a candle.
You heard her. I'm okay.
She's not a doctor.
Okay, look, I don't know what's going on her
But there is no way that this is normal.
You look like a botox job gone horribly wrong.
No...my...God. You didn't.
Of course he didn't.
What were you thinking? You're a veteran.
Enough! This conversation is ended. Let's go.
够了 谈话到此为止 我们走
Do you think he got his butt done, too?
It looks fantastic.
Alex, wait. I'm sorry.
艾丽克斯 等下 对不起
If you want to give your speech, go ahead.
I was never valedictorian. What do I know?
I am doing this for a reason.
It's not just like I'm --
Aha! Sorry, Alex, but you will thank me one day!
对不起 艾丽克斯 以后你会谢我的
Please. You really think I don't have duplicates?
If you do this, you'll be a social piranha.
Yes, I'll be an amazonian carnivorous fish.
Dad, open the gate.
Oh, geez, not now!
What? What's happening?
What do you mean, it's stuck?
Can't you get it open?
What do you think "stuck" Means, Claire?
We have to do something, dad.
Can't you -- can't you push it open or something?
We are trapped in your driveway,
and you don't know?
As a gate owner, dad,
you have a certain responsibility.
See, my daughter is gonna get up on that stage
and graduate from middle school,
and if I am not there, dad, I am going to freak out!
I am going to freak out!
- Maybe push it.- Do you understand what I am saying?
Do you have any idea how important...
- Why are you smiling? - I'm not -- I'm not smiling.
-你为什么在笑 -我没有 我没有笑
All right. Okay, we have tried this way.
I say we ram the gate. Kids, get out of the way.
把门撞开 孩子们 让开
Hold on! I think I can fix this!
I just need a paper clip, some olive oil,
What's the plan, "Macgayver"?
Actually, the paper clip
is to connect these two circuits,
and the olive oil is to lubricate the mechanism.
And the hair ribbon is for Lily.
Her hair's been driving me crazy all day.
Why don't we just call some cabs?
Because, Mitchell, this is not Times Square,
因为 米奇尔 这里不是泰晤士广场
and they'll take forever.
Well, then we'll just climb over the fence and start running.
No, we won't, because it's 5 miles away, Phil!
不 菲尔 学校离这5英里
And I'm in big shoes, so, no.
Wait, wait, wait, wait!
Let's take this crazy bicycle,
we throw it over the gate,
Then we take Phil and we take Claire,
and then we throw them over the gate, too.
All right, what the hell is that?
He thought we were gonna use it all the time,
But I keep hitting my boobs with my knees.
Champagne problems, right?
Honey, they're not gonna ride the bike.
Yeah, but I still think that we should throw it over the gate.
Okay, you know what?
Thank you. Thank you.
Nobody else has come up with an idea.
I think I've got a good idea.
We don't have time to build a rocket, buddy.
Phil and I will go over first,
And then you guys will throw over the bike?
Okay, step up. I'll boost you.
好了 上来吧 我把你举上去
Couldn't we get a ladder?
Please, on cheer squad I boosted girls bigger than you
to the top of a human pyramid.
Now, arms at your side.
Straight like a pencil.
Okay. Jay, now you do me.
好了 杰 现在该你来弄我了
Just grab a handful. Don't be shy.
I'm not giving you as much to work with.
I used to have a lot more there. I lost it.
They used to call me "The grand can."
"It's ironic that I stand up here
Representing my classmates when, for the past..."
I read the rest of your speech.
You talk about how all the popular kids are shallow and lame.
I didn't mean you.
You think you have everyone figured out,
but everybody has their stuff.
What "Stuff" do you have?
Too many boys chasing after you? Too many parties?
You really want to know what "stuff" I have?
I'm flunking out of biology.
And now I have to go to summer school.
My friends -- all they can ever talk about nowadays
is going off to college,
and I don't even know if I can get into college.
Is that enough "Stuff" For you?
Fine. Give your stupid speech.
Be an outcast.
But you're only doing it to yourself
because you're smart and pretty
and sort of funny in a way that I don't really get
but other people seem to enjoy,
So, you can either start fresh next year
or be the freak who flipped off her class.
You really think I'm pretty?
Phil, go straight!
- Do you want to drive?! - I do.
Tough, I called it!
Oh, crap. The chain broke!
Just keep pedaling. It doesn't matter.
It matters a little!
Cam, please be careful.
If I get electrocuted, my hat might blow right off.
That would be funny. It's that, all right?
I know you're feeling self-conscious,
so I dug out something I thought might help.
Put that thing away.
I knew you'd say that, but hear me out.
This was designed to make
A hideously disfigured man look supercool.
It's perfect for you.
Oh, yikes. Okay.
哎呀 太恶心了 好吧
I'll go upstairs and see if I hava lefty.
Don't look at me like that.
I have to say that I am a little disappointed
in you doing this thing.
I feel real good about it.
Now many times do I have to tell you
that you don't have to look young for me?
I didn't do it for you.
Most of the time, I walk around,
and in my head, I'm 40.
Then I look in the mirror,
I say, "Who's that old man?
And what's he doing in my bathroom?"
Well, it's my bathroom, too.
And I like when the old guy is there.
This is the face that I fell in love with.
The gate's opening! The gate's opening!
- How did you do that? - I didn't do anything.
I opened it with my mind.
- Let's go, guys! - Yeah, let's go.
-咱们快走吧 -对 咱们走
- Manny! - Get manny.
Everyone in the car. Let's go!
Yep. That's what I thought. Chain's broken.
没错 跟我想的一样 链子断了
What do you think?
I think we gotta go.
Sweetie, we-- we can't make it on foot.
宝贝 我们 我们不可能走着去
It's not okay, phil!
It's not okay. We're losing her.
You're not losing her.
We are. She's going to high school.
This is just when I lost Haley.
This is when Haley went from being my sweet little angel
to being a moody,
texting, snotty little princess
Haley doesn't hate you.
And we're not losing her.
Do you remember when you used to come home from work
and Haley would meet you at the door
in her little "Aladdin" Pajamas?
And, you know, she'd stick her arms up in the air
And say, "Daddy, daddy, take me on a magic carpet ride."
然后说 "老爸老爸 带我一起去魔毯之旅"
When was the last time Haley was that excited to see you?
I don't remember. It's been so long.
We're losing another one.
And that's what kids do -- they leave.
They leave, and they -- and they don't come back.
Well, ours will come back, right?
What if they don't,and --
and, pretty soon, it's just the two of us?
I don't want to go to Vegas anymore.
I just want to hug them
and embarrass them in front of their friends.
And Alex -- my god.
If we miss this speech --
Honey, she's a middle child --
She will never forgive us.
We're not missing that speech!
What's the plan, Phil?
Mi nombre es Felipe.
You need a ride to the school.
I am so proud to be standing
in front of this extraordinary group of youngsters.
I'm sorry -- or should I say "Oldsters"?
But seriously, the word "Commencement"
I'm sorry I laughed.
I don't need an apology,
But I will say your behavior today
has been very eye-opening.
None taken. You look like an iceberg.
This is...right here.
Muchas gracias, muchachos!
You're quite welcome!
And now, please welcome your valedictorian,
Where's my mom and dad?
Mm -- there they are!
- Hold on, Phil! ... - faculty...
-等等 菲尔 -全体老师
- Oh, sweet cream! I'm sliding! - Oh, my god, phil!
-亲爱的 我滑倒了 -天呐 菲尔
...school-board administrators... - I got you. Get up. Get up.
-校董成员 -我抓住你了 起来
- I got you. ... - fellow graduates...
I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!
...parents, and everyone
who helped us through these challenging formative years,
Cam! You have lost all credibility.
- This is completely different. - How?
It's the juxtaposition of absurdist comedy
against the backdrop of a formal setting...
Not a big-boned man falling into a pool.
- Really? - Shh! This is about alex.
-是嘛 -别说话 艾丽克斯才是焦点
It's ironic that I stand up here representing my classmates
They should be up here themselves.
But I'm up here, and...
'cause everybody's got their...
whether you're popular
or a drama geek...
or a cheerleader...
or even a nerd like me.
We all have our insecurities.
We're all just trying to figure out who we are.
I guess what I'm trying to say is...
永远 相信 自己
...Get this party started.
Your speech moved me.
I loved how you play with the song titles.
You did good, kid.
Thanks, grandpa. Aah!
Don't ask. He'll be fine.
Yes. We are so proud of you.
I opened a gate with my mind.
What do you say we all go get something to eat?
A-actually, I was kind of just invited to a party.
Would it be okay if I go?
See you, kid. Have fun.
Thanks for coming, you guys!
I'm kind of hungry, mom.
Oh, my god. She's back.
- My baby. - What?
- My baby. - Oh, my god.
- My little baby. - What are you doing?
Let's go. Let's go eat.
- I'm not hungry amore. - Oh, you're not gonna regret this.
I could use some shrimp.
I'm not hu-- I'm not hungry.
I'm not hungry anymore.
Sure you are. Sure you are.
I'm not -- no, I'm not.