摩登家庭 第二季 Modern Family Season 2 第3集: 地震 Earthquake

上映日期: 2,010

语言: 英语

影片类型: 喜剧 / 家庭

导演: Jason Winer

演员: 艾德·奥尼尔 / 索菲娅·维加拉 / 朱丽·鲍温 / 泰·布利尔 / 杰西·泰勒·弗格森 / 艾瑞克·斯通斯崔特 / 萨拉·海蓝德 / 阿芮尔·温特 / 诺兰·古德 / 里克·罗德里格兹


台词
Oh, my god. Mom.
天呐 娘亲啊
The party is like around the block.
派对就在离家不远处
I'll be gone for two hours.
我就出去两小时
Yeah. That is two hours you could've spent studying.
那可是两小时啊 能用来学多少东西啊
I had been studying all weekend.
我整个周末都在看书看书看书
No friends, no phone.
没有和人出去玩 没有和人打电话
Just me, alone with books.
跟一堆书在一起 我快成寂寞姐了
I feel like Alex.
我快成艾丽克斯第二了
You're never alone when you have books.
有书作陪 寂寞都是浮云
Really? Is that what you want me to turn into?
真的吗 你想让我变成那副样子吗
Sweetheart, listen to me. This is the SATs, okay?
乖 听我讲 你都高考临头了
It is not some stupid science quiz.
不是小打小闹的科学小测验
Hey, if science quizzes are so stupid,
嘿 如果科学小测验是小打小闹
Why do you put mine up on the refrigerator?
你们还把我的高分试卷贴到冰箱上显摆
Because we feel sorry for you,
那是因为我们觉得你很可怜
'cause books are your friends.
只有书和你做朋友
Yeah, she wasn't studying last night.
她昨晚根本没在看书
She was video-chatting the whole time.
她一直和人视频聊天来着
- Shut up! - I knew it.
-闭嘴 - 我就知道你会这样
- I knew it. - You are such a tattletale!
-我就知道 -你居然打我小报告
Girls, take it down a notch, because I ...
孩子们 不要吵了 我想
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
哇 哇 哇
What's the hot topic on "The View" today, ladies?
我们家三个女人这唱的又是哪出戏啊
Dad, can you just please tell mom
老爸 能不能劳烦你劝劝老妈
that I can take a two-hour break and go to a party?
放我两小时假 让我去参加个派对
No, ma'am. I'm not stepping into that one.
不好意思 美女 我才不想趟这浑水
We're not playing good cop/mom.
别拉我跟你老妈对着干
I got it.
来了
- Hello. - You call for a plumber?
-你好 -是你叫的水管工么
Uh, no, we did not.
呃 没有 我们没叫
Oh, yes, We did, we did.
别 别 我们叫了 叫了
Plumber, hi. Yeah.
水管工 你好
Um, it's right up at the top of the stairs. Thank you.
出问题的管道就在楼上 谢谢了
Really, Claire?
有必要吗 克莱尔
But didn't I tell you I'd fix the tub?
难道我没跟你讲过我会修浴缸吗
Yes, honey, you did.
是的 亲爱的 你讲过
And I think I was pregnant with Luke at the time.
当年我还怀着卢克的时候你就承诺过
That is not fair.
这么说可不公平
I've done everything you've asked me to do around here.
在家里你叫我干啥我就干啥
I fixed the step, didn't I? Look how solid it is!
我都把楼梯修好了 不是吗 看看多结实
I'm like Shirley Temple
我可以在上面像秀兰·邓波尔
and that black guy!
和那个黑人小伙一样跳舞
Bill "Bojangles" Robinson.
那黑人小伙叫比尔·罗宾逊
Bill "Bojangles" Robinson!
对 就是比尔·罗宾逊
I said it first!
我先说的
So, this is the problem.
就是这里出问题了
Uh, faucet just keeps leaking.
水龙头一直在漏水
Yeah, it's a cracked washer --
对的 垫圈裂了
If I know my washers.
我清楚得很
And it's, uh, it's been leaking a little water.
一直在滴滴答答滴水
Yeah, could be a washer,
恩 很可能是垫圈裂了
a cracked valve, a stripped pipe.
也搞不好是阀门或者是水管裂了
Well, I guess I'm not a professional plumber,
我觉得虽然我不是超级马里奥[经典水管工角色]
but I have spent a huge amount of time in that tub.
但我在那浴缸呆过很长时间
I can tell you from experience,
我可以从从经验上
or at least what it feels like in there --
至少是躺在里面的感觉....
家 庭
摩 登
第二季第三集
Oh, good. You're back.
嗷 太好了 你回来了
I need you to help settle a spat
你说我是扮成
between our blacksmith and the chimney sweep.
小铁匠还是扫烟囱的人呢
Be nice. It took me 20 minutes to find my opera cloak.
淡定 我花了20分钟才找到这件拉风的斗篷
I still can't believe. You didn't have to rent any of that.
还是难以置信 你根本不必租这些的啊
Oh, please.
拜托
Do you know how many times this has paid for itself?
你知道它们有多物超所值吗
Has it?
是吗
Well, our friend Pepper
我们的老朋友佩珀
loves to throw theme parties.
很喜欢开主题派对
Yes, he does,
是的 他超爱
And this weekend is his first annual
本周末是他的首次年度
"Oscar Wilde and Crazy Brunch."
"奥斯卡·王尔德疯狂餐会"
We're still recovering
我们还没恢复元气呢
from his "Studio 54th of July" barbecue.
他上次的主题烧烤会可把我们雷的不轻
They were fun at first.
一开始这些主题派对还是很有趣的
But they have become a lot of work.
但是后来就变成了个负担
You have to dress in costume.
你必须换装
You have to assume a character.
还必须玩角色扮演
I -- I can't believe you ever dated him.
我 我真不敢相信你居然跟他约会过
One date.
就一次
It was the '90s.
都上世纪的事儿了
We'd just lost Princess Di.
当时戴安娜王妃刚刚去世
I was at sea.
我的世界天崩地裂
Oh, Cam, can we just...
嗷 小卡 我们能不能
Can we please cancel?
我们能不能不要去啦
I wish we could.
人家也不想去呀
But you know he's still mad at us for missing Passover.
但是他还怨念着我们逾越节那次没有去
Oh. Right.
好吧 我懂的
"Seder-day night Fever"?
"逾越节狂欢夜"那次吗
Just go get dressed and powdered.
去换身衣服 往脸上扑点儿香粉
Ohh.
Pepper has done the impossible!
佩珀完成了不可能完成的任务
He's made two gay men hate brunch.
他成功让俩基佬开始厌恶早午餐
You know, it might be easier
你不如直接
just to pour the espresso right in the sugar.
把浓缩咖啡倒到糖罐里
Every morning.
天天唠叨
Jay, what are you wearing?
杰 你怎么穿成这样
You can't go to church like that.
你不能这样去教堂
Well, that settles it, then. I'm going golfing.
那就甭去了 我待会儿打高尔夫去
You're gonna miss church again?
你又要逃避做礼拜
Last sunday,
上个礼拜天
you said that you had to go to the office.
你说你要去办公室
The week before, you had breakfast with a friend.
上上个礼拜 你说你要去和朋友吃早饭
And before that, you thought you had a cold.
上上上个礼拜 你觉得你感冒了
That turned out not to be a cold.
结果压根儿不是感冒
Because I babied it.
那是因为我休养好了
You don't have to convince us.
你不用跟我们废话
- You have to convince him. - Who, god?
-你跟他讲去 谁 -上帝吗
- Me and god are good! - How would you know?
-他老人家是我铁哥们儿呢 -你怎么知道
Look, you feel god in church, which is great.
听着 你在教堂里感知上帝 这很好
I feel god out in nature, amongst his works.
但我从自然中感知上帝 大自然也是上帝的杰作
Are you gonna go to church next week?
你下个礼拜会去教堂吗
We'll see.
看情况吧
I know what "we'll see" means.
那就是说不去咯
If you're done with church, just say it.
如果你再也不想去了 就勇敢说出来嘛
- I'm done with church. - Don't say that!
-我再也不会去教堂了 -闭嘴 不要乱说
Look -- I'm not going to church anymore.
听着 我不会再去教堂了
It's not the end of the world.
又不是什么世界末日
Let's not make a big deal out --
别搁这事上小题大做
Hell...
Aah. Aah. Earthquake!
啊 啊 地震了
Terremoto!
地震啦
Vamos, vamos, Manny! Vamos, Jay!
我们走 我们走 曼尼 走 杰
Come on, Jay!
快点 杰
Girls?!
孩子们
Oh, god. Oh, god.
噢 神啊 神啊
Okay.
完了
This is -- this is stuck!
这边 门卡住了
We're gonna die! we're gonna die!
我们会死在这的 会死滴
We better not.
最好别
If they find us in these outfits,
如果人们发现我们死时穿成这样儿
it's gonna be very bad for the gays.
又得有人借机攻击同志群体了
- Clair - We're okay!
-克莱尔 -我们没事
- Dad? - Luke!
-爸 -卢克
Buddy.
宝贝儿子
You okay?
你没事吧
That thing almost fell on me!
那东西差点砸到我
I was sitting there,
我刚就坐那儿
and it came this close to my head!
差这么点砸到我脑袋
It's all right. You're okay.
好了 你没事了
You didn't get hurt.
你没受伤
Well, I'm not gonna wait around here until I do.
我可不想在这儿等着被受伤呢
O... kay.
哎...呀呀
Wow!
直挺挺地倒下了
That is a doozy.
痛痛飞 痛痛飞
Hey, are you guys okay?
你们没事吧
Yeah, we're fine. You?
我们没事 你们呢
We're fine.
没事
That was really...
那真是...
Oh, wait. Hold on.
稍等
Hello?
Mitch, are you okay?
米奇 你们没事吧
We're okay. We're okay.
没事 我们没事
And Phil and Claire?
菲尔和克莱尔呢
Uh, I'm on the other line with them right now.
我刚正跟他们通话呢
One second.
稍等
Hello?
Oh, shoot, we lost Phil.
见鬼 菲尔挂了
We lost Phil?!
菲尔挂了吗
We lost Phil?
菲尔挂了?
Hello?
Great. Now Gloria's gone.
这可好 歌洛莉亚也没了
Gloria's gone, too?
歌洛莉亚也魂归西天了?
Ohh!
天啊
Hey, Gloria.
嘿 歌洛莉亚
Ay, dios meo, Phil, you're alive!
感谢上帝 菲尔 你还活着
Yeah, of course I'm alive.
我当然没死
For now.
暂时而已
For months, Claire has been after me
几个月来 克莱尔一直咬着我不放
and dogging me
喋喋不休
"Anchor the cabinet to the wall."
"把储藏柜固定到墙上"
"What if we have an earthquake?"
"要是地震了怎么办"
"We've got kids in the house."
"屋里可有孩子"
Blah blah blah.
废话不断
So it finally reached the point where I had no choice,
最终我被逼无奈
but to just roll up my sleeves and tell her I did it.
只能挽起袖子 骗她说我搞定了
Phil!
菲尔
Dad, get up here!
老爸 上这来
On my way -- seriously, I just fixed that!
来了 开什么玩笑 我刚修好的
Haley...
哈利
What's wrong?
怎么回事
Mom's stuck!
老妈被困在里面了
You okay in there?
你们在里面还好吧
We're fine.
我们没事
The door is jammed.
门卡住了
- Uh...well, let's -- let's try this together, okay? - Okay.
-那我们一起用力 -好的
Um, I'm gonna push, you pull.
我推 你拉
Okay. On three.
行 数三声
1 2 3 1, 2, 3...
Aah! nothing!
不管用
Oh, damn!
该死
Okay, here's the thing.
其实是这样的
I wasn't pushing. In fact, I was pulling a little.
我可没推 相反我有点往外拉
It dawned on me
我深知
that as long as Claire was stuck in the bathroom,
只要克莱尔困在浴室里
I'd have time to anchor the cabinet to the wall.
我就有时间把储藏柜固定到墙上
It's like they say
可以这样说
sometimes when god closes a door,
有时 上帝关上了一道门
he closes it so hard that your wife can't get out.
他故意关紧 这样你老婆就出不来
So, don't panic! I'm gonna get you out!
别慌 我会救你出来
I'm just gonna go get some tools!
我去拿点工具
Get a crowbar if you have one!
用铁橇吧 假设你有的话
What is that supposed to mean?
你那话什么意思
Like I'm some dandy who doesn't have a crowbar?
说我是个连铁撬都没有的孬白脸是吧
Well, you did just use the word "dandy."
这可是你自己说的
"dandy" is a term coined by miners in the 15th century.
"孬白脸"可是15世纪的矿工所创作的词
Phil?
菲尔
Just get us out of here.
少废话 把我们弄出去
Dad, how long is it gonna take to get her out of there?
老爸 把她弄出来要多长时间
Long time.
非常久
Oh, honey. Don't worry.
宝贝们 别担心
Mommy is gonna be out soon. Don't panic.
妈妈会很快出来 别紧张
Wait a minute.
慢着
Wait a minute. You're not going to that party, young lady.
站住 死丫头 你别想趁机溜去派对
No, I'm not going to the party.
不 我没想去派对
I'm just going downstairs.
我只是下楼罢了
With your purse?
下楼还背包
Come on.
拜托
Just cover for me this one time, and I...
就这次为我掩护下
I'll drive you wherever you want.
以后你想去哪 姐都开车送
I want to go to the Museum of Tolerance.
我想去"宽容博物馆"
Fine. How far is Tolerance?
行 宽容嘛 有什么难的
I can hear the two of you scheming out there!
你们的诡计 我听的清清楚楚
Don't you dare leave this house!
有本事你离开家试试看
Ohh, why do you have to be such a psycho control freak?!
你简直就是一个疯婆娘
Okay, you know what?
行啊 给我听着
Just for that, you are grounded one week!
就冲那句 我关你一礼拜紧闭
Oh, that's good parenting!
真是教导有方
Okay. Two weeks.
有你的 两个礼拜
Want to double it?! keep talking!
还想翻倍吗 接着说啊
Blah blah blah blah blah!
啦啦啦啦啦
Fine! four weeks! four!
行 四个礼拜 四!!
Double it again and make it 10 weeks!
接着翻啊 干脆十个礼拜算了
Oh, my god!
天啊
Do you not hear how much you need to study?!
瞧你蠢的 再怎么翻也翻不到十倍吧
Mitchell, come on. We're gonna be late.
米奇尔 快点 我们要迟到了
Ohh, I can't believe we have to do this.
真不敢相信还是要去
Come on, after the earthquake,
拜托 地震之后
it might be nice to be around similarly dressed people.
大家都这样打扮不是挺好的吗
That makes no... the earthquake!
简直毫无... 哦对了 地震
Okay. Okay. Yes.
没错 没错
Yes. This -- okay. This is the perfect excuse.
这可是个绝佳借口
Why? We're fine.
为什么 我们有惊无险
Yeah, but Pepper doesn't know that.
确实 但佩珀不知情
You'll just tell him
你只需告知他
that we have some damage we have to deal with.
我们要进行灾后重建工作
- Why me? - Because I'm the one that always cancels.
-为什么是我 -因为以前都是我放他鸽子
- Hello. - No. Don't hand me that I will not talk to him.
-喂 -别给我 我不跟他讲
I'm a bad liar. Do not hand me that.
我可不会说谎 拿远点
Pick up. You are doing it!
快接 该你上了
I think somebody's talking. Hello?
我听见人声了 喂
Hi! Pepper!
嗨 佩珀
Listen -- hi. Hey.
嗨 听我说 嗨 嘿
It's Cameron. How are you doing over there?
我是卡梅隆 你那边情况怎么样
Great.
很好
Well, the earthquake.
这地震
Yeah, it was huge here.
嗯 这边很严重 非常严重
So, obviously, we're not,
因而 显然我们
we're not gonna be able to make it.
我们没法过来了
- Why not? - Well, some dishes broke.
-为什么 -碎了些餐具
You can sweep them up later.
可以以后再扫的嘛
And, uh, well, yeah, I guess --
是的 没错 我想
I guess we could sweep those up, um, later.
我想我们是可以以后再扫的
Our, uh, our -- our hat rack.
我们的 我们的衣帽架
- Our hat rack fell through the window. - Hat rack?
-我们的衣帽架倒在窗户上了 -衣帽架
Well, yeah, we do have a hat rack.
是啊 我们真的有个衣帽架的
We thought it would force us to wear our hats more.
我们认为这会迫使我们经常戴帽子
And it did.
事实也的确如此
And there's water damage.
我们这里还水漫金山寺
There's water everywhere.
到处都是水
A bookshelf fell on Mitchell's leg.
书架砸中了米奇尔的腿
Mitchell's hurt, Pepper.
米奇尔受伤了 佩珀
Mitchell's hurt real bad.
米奇尔伤得相当严重
I'm coming right over.
我这就过来
No, you don't need to come over.
不 不劳您大驾了
- I'm coming! - Pepper, no!
-我马山来 -佩珀 不要
He's coming over.
他要过来了
See? Kind of panicked.
看见没 人家说了会紧张的嘛
You did panic, Cam.
你确实很紧张 小卡
You paniced real bad.
你简直惊慌失措
You're still going golfing?!
你还要去打高尔夫吗
God sent you a sign, Jay!
上帝都给你暗示了 杰
What, the earthquake? You got to be kidding me.
什么 地震吗 你开什么玩笑
You say that you're never going to church again,
你说你再也不会去教堂了
and the ground shakes with a vengeance.
接着大地就报复性地晃动
I'll prove it to you.
我来证明给你看
God, if you have a problem with me golfing,
上帝啊 你要是不爽我打高尔夫的话
send me a sign!
就给我个暗示
I mean, throw in a little lightning!
比如 让闪电劈死我吧
Put on a show!
小宇宙大爆发吧
Don't talk to god like that!
不准那样跟上帝讲话
Trust me, if god had a problem with me,
相信我 要是上帝看我不爽的话
he would let me know without shaking the whole city.
他不用摇晃整个城市来警告我
He would be a little more specific.
他可以指向更明确一些
I'm not gonna argue with you.
我懒得跟你吵
I don't want to get upset.
我可不想气自己
Vlmanos, Manny.
曼尼 我们走
- I think I'm gonna skip it today. - What?!
-我今天想翘一天 - 什么
I like what Jay said about god being in nature.
我觉得杰说的很对 上帝存在于自然当中
No, no, no, no.
不不不不
Don't listen to him.
别听他滴
His days are numbered!
他已经时日无多了
Think about it, mom. It makes sense.
妈妈 想想看 他说的确实有点道理
God made the trees and the grass.
上帝创造了草木
He didn't make that church.
可他并没有盖教堂啊
But he made the people that make the church,
但是他创造了盖教堂的人
and you're making me angry! Vlmanos.
你让老娘很火大 我们走
Just one week.
就这一周
Can I go golfing with you?
我能跟你去打高尔夫吗
Well, I'm probably gonna have
反正我也得找个
a Latino kid carry my clubs anyway.
扛球袋的拉丁裔小孩儿
Might as well be you.
肥水不流外人田
Fine! See what I care! go!
好吧 我才不在乎呢 去吧
Manny. Go change.
曼尼 回去换衣服
Sorry, mom. Hope you understand.
对不起了 老娘 您大人不记小人过
Probably good for us to spend a little time together.
出去一起玩可能会增进我俩的情感呢
You're gonna spend eternity together!
你们一起永不超生去吧
Ohh. Damn it!
该死
I suppose that was god, too!
我猜那也是上帝干的
I don't know who did it, but it makes me happy.
我不知道谁干滴 但是大快人心
What are you doing?
你干什么呢
Hey, buddy.
哥们儿
Oh, just double-checking these straps.
我再检查一下这些皮带
This is an extra.
这条是多余的
These babies saved your life.
这些小玩意儿救了你的命
That's why this cabinet barely moved.
因为它们 储藏柜纹丝未动
It fell all the way to the couch.
柜子直接倒在了沙发上
It almost killed me.
差点砸死我
No, it didn't.
不 不是这样的
This cabinet barely moved.
这储藏柜根本没动
That's just perspective playing tricks on your mind.
不过是角度产生的视感错觉罢了
Like if I hold up my thumb, it looks bigger than your head.
从我这个方位看过去 我的拇指比你的头还大
No, it doesn't. It looks tiny.
不 才没有 它好小
You have to look at it from over here.
你得从这边看
How can I look at my head from over there?
我怎么从那边看我的自己的头
Phil?
菲尔
Why don't you just lie down?
你何不躺下
I got to make sure your mom's still stuck.
我去确认下你老妈是不是还被困在里面
So she -- I can get her out.
这样她 我会把她救出来的
Don't fall asleep.
别睡着了
Sorry that took -- you filthy...
很抱歉耽搁 我日...
Sorry that took so long!
很抱歉耽搁了这么久
I'm gonna go ahead and just take off the doorknob, okay?
我准备将门把手撬下来 好吗
Okay!
好的
There we go.
开始了
That's -- oh, damn!
这 该死
What? What happened?
什么 怎么回事
I, uh, brought the wrong screwdriver,
我拿错螺丝刀了
So I'll be right back!
我马上回来
All right, but hurry up, Phil!
好吧 不过快点 菲尔
Doing my best, Claire!
我尽力而为 克莱尔
Oh, don't talk back, dad! She'll just ground you!
别回她话 小心关你禁闭
That's 32 weeks, young lady!
三十二个礼拜了 死丫头片子
I was at 16 before, right?
我之前说的是十六个礼拜 对吧
What?
怎么了
Nothing.
没什么
Don't judge me until you've had a teenage girl.
等你有这么个青春期的女儿再来评价我
I've had four of them.
我有四个
God, how did you survive that?
天啊 你怎么熬过来的
Girls were a piece of cake.
女儿还不好对付
It was the boy.
让我头疼的是儿子
Every look on his face,
他脸上的每一个表情
every stupid decision he made.
他每个愚蠢的决定
The way he sat there, chewing his food like an idiot.
坐在那儿像白痴一样嚼东西
And then it hit me why this kid drove me so crazy.
然后我突然明白这孩子为何使我这么抓狂
He's me.
他就是当年的我
Well, all the more reason she should listen to me.
那她就更应该听我的话了
I can stop her from making the same mistakes.
我可以避免她重蹈我的覆辙
Did you listen to your mother?
你当年听妈妈的话吗
Ohh, god no.
怎么可能
But, you know, I had a reason.
不过 你要知道我是有原因的
That woman was a psycho control...
那女人简直就是个疯婆...
freak.
...娘
Hey, mom.
老妈
I brought you some soda.
我给你们弄了些苏打水
But I couldn't find any straws,
不过我找不到吸管
So you'll have to drink it like cats.
所以你们得像小猫一样舔着喝
Oh! Thank you, Luke!
谢谢你 卢克
That's my sweetie.
那是我的心肝宝贝
I was going to bring you wine,
我本来想给你带酒的
but you finished the big bottle last night.
不过你昨晚把那一大瓶都喝完了
Okay. Off you go.
好了 你可以走了
Hold this, will you, kid?
拿好这个 没问题吧 小子
You know, Mitchell used to caddy for me.
以前都是米奇尔给我当球童
Of course, he spent most of his time chasing butterflies.
当然 他大多时候是在追蝴蝶
You won't catch me doing that.
我不会那么做的
Good for you.
真乖
I'm terrified of them.
我害怕蝴蝶
Huh.
是吗
Look at that. That's a perfect shot.
看 那一杆堪称完美
And I hit that with a bent club.
我还是用的烂球杆打的
So you're not worried about getting in trouble?
你不担心会惹上麻烦吗
You know, with god?
不害怕上帝会找你茬吗
Oh, I think he's got bigger things on his plate.
我想他有比这更重要的事要操心
So you're not worried about hell?
那你也不担心会下地狱吗
Let me let you in on a little secret, kid.
告诉你点小秘密 孩子
There is no hell.
世上根本没有地狱
Seriously?
真的吗
No hell?
没有地狱吗
That's fantastic!
真他妈太棒了
So everyone just goes to heaven?
那所有的人都会去天堂喽
Yep. End of story.
对 这个话题到此为止
Even bad people?
连坏人也能去天堂吗
Yeah, they're -- they're --
对 他们 他们坏人
they're in another section, see?
分配到了别的地方 懂吗
They got this thing figured out.
上帝都安排好了的
Can I hit this?
现在我能打了球了吧
Damn it.
该死
You distracted me.
你让我分心了
I didn't say anything!
我什么也没说啊
I could hear you thinking.
我能听到你内心的想法
I'm thinking about this heaven of yours
我正在想你说的那个
that's full of bad people.
到处都是坏人的天堂
Not full. The tiniest fraction.
不全是坏人 只有很少的一拨人
They're walled in.
他们都被关起来了
What if they break out?
万一他们越狱怎么办
They're surrounded by a lake of fire.
有一个火焰湖包围他们呢
They are fiery lakes in heaven?
天堂里竟然还有火焰湖
This is turning into hell.
那简直就跟地狱一样了
Tell me about it.
谁说不是呢
What are you doing?!
你在干嘛
Well, you promised Pepper broken dishes,
你都告诉佩珀打碎了很多碟子
so...
所以...
I'm breaking this.
我要打碎这个
No! Not my frog!
不 不要打碎我的青蛙奖杯
I know you think it's tacky,
我知道你觉得这很不入眼
[美国青少年团体组织 4H分别是Head Heart Hands Health]
but I happened to have won this at my first 4-H summer camp
但是 这是我第一次参加4-H夏令营
in a hollerin' contest.
在吆喝比赛里偶然得的
Well, we wouldn't have to break anything
如果你撒谎撒的好点
if you were a better liar.
我们就不用打破这么多东西了
If you're trying to make me feel bad
如果你是想让我感到愧疚
about not being as good a liar as you --
因为我撒谎撒的没你好
What are you doing?
你要干嘛
A hat rack fell through the window, remember?
你还说衣帽架砸到窗户上了 忘啦
1...2...3 One...Two...Three!
Mitchell, wait!
米奇尔 停
I-I-I can't do this. I quit.
我...我做不到 我退出
You might be comfortable with all this lying,
撒这些谎 你可能觉得没什么
but I'm not.
可我觉得很不舒服
Oh, please. Where was all this conscience
拜托 你别这么装B好吧
when I got us into the first-class lounge at the airport
那次我可是靠撒谎才把咱俩弄进头等舱的
and you chewed Angela Lansbury's ear off.
而你却忙着跟安吉拉·兰斯伯里唠嗑
You know what you are?
你知道你是哪种人吗
You're like a mob wife.
你就像是暴徒的老婆
You look down at me and my ways,
你看不起自己老公 鄙视他做事的方法
but you're happy to wear the mink coat
但是你却屁颠屁颠地
that fell off the back of the truck!
乐于坐享其成
How dare you?
你竟敢这么说我
I know. I know.
不用说了 我知道
It really hit us bad.
真的震得很严重
No.
不是
I'm just always surprised how small this place is.
我只是一直都很惊讶 这个地方是有多小啊
Pepper, you didn't have to leave your party
佩珀 你没必要离开派对
to come check on us.
特意来看我们
Great costume, by the way.
顺便说一下 戏服真不错
This isn't my costume.
这不是我的戏服
I just threw this on to help you clean up.
这才不是我的工作服 干苦力时穿的
Well, about your party...
没能去你的派对...
Oh, don't worry about canceling.
别心怀愧疚了啦
At least you have an excuse.
至少你们还有个理由
Unlike Steven and Stefan.
不像史蒂文和斯蒂芬
They said they had the flu.
他们说他们感冒了
Meantime, I just saw them out riding their bicycle.
但刚才我还看见他们骑情侣车出去了
Oh, Pepper, that is horrible.
佩珀 他们太不厚道了
I-I'm gonna make you a cocktail.
我去给你弄杯鸡尾酒
Oh, honey. Don't go to any trouble.
亲爱的 不用这么麻烦
I'll just have a Kir Royale.
给我弄杯葡萄干酒就行
I mean, my god,
我是说 我的天啊
if they didn't want to come to my party,
如果他们不想来我的派对
just say it.
直接说嘛
I'm a big boy. I can take it.
我是个大人了 我能扛得住
Well, since you brought it up, Pepper...
既然你提起来了 佩珀...
We didn't want to come to your party, either.
其实我们也不想去你的派对
What?
什么
Well, you know we love you,
你知道我们是爱你的
but they've just gotten to be so much work over the years, and...
但是这么多年以来 真的成了一种负担
we're all out of cassis.
我们没有黑醋栗甜酒了
I can't bear it!
我受不了了
I will make you a Bellini.
我去给你弄杯贝利尼
Everybody canceled on me!
大家都放我鸽子
And now you two!
现在你们两个也这样
For 15 years,
15年来
I have killed myself setting a community standard
我散尽钱财 心力交瘁
with my fanciful themed brunches
做出各种新奇主题的早午餐
mounted at great personal expense.
给大家制造一个和谐的社区氛围
Well, clearly, I've been a fool.
很明显 我一直都是个傻帽儿
No one likes your brunches, Pepper.
佩珀 没人喜欢你的早午餐
No one likes you.
没人待见你
You're gonna die alone!
你会孤独终老
[皆为美国旅游度假胜地]
In a quaint Spanish revival outside of Palm Springs...
在棕榈泉外的西班牙复古风中驾鹤西去
Or La Quinta.
或者奎因塔
Yeah. I told him.
我做了回恶人
Yeah. Yeah, I puzzled that out.
恩 看出来了
I just don't understand this bad section of heaven.
我就是不太明白天堂里坏人待的地方
What if they send you to the wrong place?
要是他们把你送错了地方怎么办
They make mistakes with paperwork sometimes.
有时候资料会填错
I was put in a girls' health class last year
去年我就被错误安排在女性生理健康课上
and had to watch a very disturbing movie.
结果看到了非常可怕滴教育片
Calm down.
淡定
Instead of thinking all morning
整个上午 别再想什么
about what heaven's gonna look like,
天堂应该是什么样儿的啊
what it's not gonna look like, who's where.
不应该是什么样儿的啊 谁该在哪里啊
If there even is a heaven.
如果天堂真的存在的话
Why don't we just concentrate
我们为什么不专心享受
on this beautiful, carefree day that's in front of us?
我们眼前 又美丽又悠闲的一天呢
I'd rather concentrate on something you just said.
我宁愿想想你刚才说的那些
There might not even be a heaven?
难道天堂真的不存在吗
I don't know!
我不知道
You seemed pretty sure of yourself this morning.
可是今天早晨你看起来自信满满
So what happens after you die?
那人死了以后会怎么样呢
There's just nothing?
一切都是浮云吗
Look, you're focusing too much
听着 我就说了一件小事
on one little thing that I said.
你却揪着不放到现在
It was just a hunch, okay?
那些都只是我的直觉好吗
A hunch?
直觉
I'm skipping church based on a hunch?!
我没去教堂 就因为你的直觉
All right, don't freak out on me here, kid.
好了 不要吓我 孩子
You're playing pretty fast and loose with my soul.
你无耻地玩弄了人家幼小的灵魂...
Listen. I want you to forget everything
听着 我要你忘了
that I said, okay?
我说的一切 好吗
Some things can't be forgotten, Jay.
杰 有些事情是刻骨铭心的
Do you know what menstruation is?
你知道什么叫月经吗
Because I do.
小爷我可一清二楚
Perfect.
搞定
- Hey! - W-what are you doing?
-嘿 -你在干嘛
Aren't you supposed to be getting mom out of the bathroom?
你不是该把老妈从浴室里弄出来吗
That is what I was doing.
我正是在干这个啊
That is what I was doing.
我正是在干这个啊
This c-- this cabinet...
这个 这个柜子
- Was the problem. - How?
-正是问题所在 -怎么说
Yeah. It's very heavy,
这个柜子很沉
and because it was properly anchored to the wall,
而且是妥妥地固定在墙上的
there's sort of a ripple effect.
所以就有了一些连锁反应
It was...
就是说
pulling part of the floor down...
它压住了地板的一边
and then pushing part of the floor up,
另一边就被抬起来了
using the bathroom door --
然后这浴室的门就
Please don't tell on me.
拜托别告发我
I don't know who I am anymore!
我不知道我现在是谁了
Who am I?!
我是谁
I'm a joke!
我就是个笑话
That's who.
这就是我
- No. - No.
-才不是 -不是
You're not a joke.
你不是个笑话
You're Pepper Saltzman.
你是佩珀·萨尔茨曼
I think I better just go.
我觉得我还是走吧
If anything terrible should happen,
就算我在回去的路上发生什么意外
don't feel an obligation to attend my memorial.
你们也无须被迫去参加我的追悼会
New york or L.A..
纽约和洛杉矶的都不用参加
Pepper?
佩珀
Pepper, you -- you didn't let me finish.
佩珀 你都没让我把话说完
The reason we didn't want to come to your party is...
我们不想去参加你的派对只是因为
Mitchell?
米奇尔
Seriously?
是不是啊你
- Who's a mob wife? - I'm a mob wife.
-谁是暴徒之妻 -是我 是我
I'm sorry. I couldn't hear you.
不好意思 我听不清
I'm a mob wife.
我是暴徒之妻
Okay, um...Pepper,
好吧 佩珀
this is a little embarrassing.
这事儿由我开口实在有点尴尬
I don't even want to hear it.
我一点都不想听
Cameron still has feelings for you.
卡梅隆对你还是有感觉
Go on.
继续忽悠
Yeah, and it's just -- it's very hard for him
只是 只是对他来说很困难
to be around you, especially at your...
要面对你 尤其还是
magical brunches where you're just --
在你那美妙的早午餐派对 你是
you're -- you're so... magnetic.
你是那么地有魅力
And then I see the way that he looks at you, and...
而且 我看到他深情凝望你的方式
damn it, pe-- it just makes me so mad
该死 我都快被醋淹死了!!!
That I could just...
我只能...
Really?
是吗
Yeah, oh, you don't know the pain, Cam!
是呀 你根本不能理解这种情伤 小卡
Ohh, boys!
哦 兄弟们
Boys, I can't stand that I'm coming between you!
兄弟们 我真的不想当小三
Not that I'm surprised.
我就知道我的魅力让人无法忘却
I admit I have noticed the stolen glances
我确实注意到你对我暗送秋波
and the yearning in your eyes.
还有你眼中那森森的渴望
Okay. Well, y-you'll forgive us, Pepper,
如果我们推掉了你以后的早午餐聚会
if we sit out your next few brunches?
那佩珀你必须原谅我们
Absolutely.
当然了
I would hate to lose you two.
你们不能来真是太遗憾了
I've always thought of you as being like my
我会一直把你们当成我的
- Sons? - Sons?
-儿子们 -儿子们
"Sons"?
什么"儿子们"
I was gonna say "Brothers."
我本来想说"兄弟"来着
it's like a house of pain!
这房子简直就是一个大茶几
- All right, Claire. - Okay, ready?
-好了 克莱尔 -准备
- You ready? - I'm ready.
-准备好了吗 -我好了
- All right, on "Go." - Okay, go.
-好了 说"开始"我们一起使劲 -好的 开始
- All right? Go! - Okay, go!
-好了 开始 -加油 用力
Go! Go!
加油 加油
- Claire! - Oh, god, I got it!
-克莱尔 -天呐 这门有反应了
Ohh! It's moving! It did it!
哦 门开了 门真的开了
All right! We got it.
搞定了 我们做到了
- Oh! Thank god! - Go.
-天呐 感谢上帝 -出去吧
Oh, thank god. Thank god. Thank god.
天呐 真是感谢各路神佛保佑
Phil?
菲尔
Phil?
菲尔
Honey -- Phil, where are you?
亲爱的 菲尔 你跑哪儿去了
Phil...
菲尔
Are you kidding me?!
你想害死老娘吗
Not the -- Phil!
饶了我吧 菲尔
- Phil! - Hey!
-菲尔 -老婆
What happened to you? You disappeared for 20 minutes.
你这算怎么回事 人间蒸发了二十分钟
We just had to break ourselves out of that bathroom.
我们好不容易才从那间浴室出来
I am so happy to see you. Get in here.
你终于出来了 过来抱抱
Oh, no. No, no. Seriously.
不要 不要 不要 你给我正经点
What happened?
到底咋回事
Dad was incredible!
老爸刚才忙翻了
He was running around here turning off the gas line,
他忙着关煤气阀门啊
cleaning up broken glass,
清理玻璃渣啊
and taking care of Luke after he ran into a wall.
在卢克脑袋撞到墙之后照顾他啊
What?
什么
I got scared because the cabinet didn't fall down.
柜子差点倒下来 实在是吓到我了
Ohh. I'm sorry.
哦 对不起
- Well, don't worry about it. - No, I'm sorry.
-没事 别介意 -不 是我不好
Oh... I was so nervous.
我神经过敏了
I freaked out.
我刚才给吓坏了
It's all right. It's all right.
没关系 没关系
- I think it was a little bit of a rough morning. - Yes.
-这真是个杯具的早晨 -是啊
- Wasn't it? - Yes, it was.
-是不 -是啊是啊
I don't know about you guys,
你们想干啥我不管
but I just want to relax and put my feet up.
我现在只想翘个二郎腿好好休息一下
At the Museum of Tolerance. Who's in?
去"宽容博物馆"休息更好 谁想跟我一起
I am!
我呀
You are. Okay. Let's do it.
好闺女 咱们走着
There's nothing mystical about an earthquake.
地震并没什么难以理解的
Pressure builds, and it's released.
只是地壳需要释放其累积过大的压力
And you just hope there's not too much damage.
你只要祈祷没有造成太大伤害就好
But it makes you realize what matters.
但是地震使你意识到什么最重要
And for me, that's my family.
对我来说 是我的家人
I'll put in a good word for you.
我会帮你向上帝美言几句
You're the best, kid.
好儿子 你最棒了
My family and golf.
我的家人和我的高尔夫
If heaven's in the sky,
如果天堂真的在天上
what do you walk on?
那我们如何立足呢
Ay, Manny, don't be ridiculous. The clouds.
曼尼 表犯傻了 当然是腾云驾雾啊
That makes no sense. Clouds are air.
这说不通啊 云彩只是水蒸气
You'd fall right through them.
你会从上面摔下去的
The clouds in heaven -- they're like trampolines.
天堂滴云彩就像蹦床一样
Mm, I don't like trampolines.
我可不喜欢蹦床
They make me seasick.
我一跳就觉得像晕船
Manny, stop worrying.
曼尼 表瞎操心了
Heaven is a beautiful place
天堂可是灰常美丽滴
with sunshine and rainbows and butterflies.
有阳光 有彩虹 还有蝴蝶翩翩起舞
- Butterflies?! -Ay, no, no, no, no.
-神马 有蝴蝶 -哎 米有米有米有
Aah! I didn't say butterflies! Manny, there's no butterflies!
偶没说蝴蝶 曼尼 那里米有蝴蝶