So the rate of diffusion equals something
times the square root of...something...
Hey, don't worry. You'll get it.
You know, a lot of famous scientists are women.
They're fat, though, right?
Come on, Alex. It's time for your cello lesson.
走吧 艾丽克斯 要去上大提琴课了
How's the tutoring going?
Are you familiar with the term
"throwing good money after bad"?
Are you familiar with the term
"Dunphy, party of one"?
- Because you will be. - Girls.
Haley's coming along really well, Mrs. Dunphy.
Well, the key is to take a lot of little breaks
so you don't get frustrated and want to quit.
I was talking to David.
I'm just saying -- she's never gonna get a job,
and how do we know the right middle-eastern businessman
wouldn't treat her great?
I left my shopping list inside.
For the record, we thought she could live with you.
Like I'm gonna tell any of you where I live.
We only do this when I get one right.
Momma should be here by now.
I wonder what's keeping her.
Well, Cam, that depends. Did she take her jalopy
or one of them new fancy flyin' machines?
You know, Missouri is more cosmopolitan
than you give it credit for, Mitchell.
It's got a very vibrant cowboy-poetry scene.
I'm not sure you're making the point that you think --
That's her. Come on. Look alive. Look alive.
她来了 过来 热情点 热情点
Oh, my little bomber. Puppy kiss.
Mitchell, get over here!
Oh, my baby's baby! How are you?
Well, I don't want to overstate this,
but my mom is the greatest woman that ever lived.
Cam loves his mom.
She raised 4 kids, 2 barns,
and a whole lot of hell.
Well, that sounds like a country song.
And that song would be called
"The Greatest Woman that ever Lived".
Cam loves his mom.
From the minute I met Barb,
she has been open and loving and -- and caring.
她就一直开明 热情 并且体贴
Oh, I have missed these shoulders!
If I had one complaint --
it's the...inappropriate putting of her hands on my body.
Hey, Barb. I got you the cranberries you wanted for the stuffing.
Oh, bless your heart.
Let me get in there and help ya.
This is how I like to cuddle.
It's been -- it's been going on a long time.
Jay, you want to go to the mall with me?
No, actually, my stomach's a little funny today.
Oh, I am so sorry, papi.
Maybe we'll stop first at the crib store,
and you lay down, and I buy you a little dress, huh?
把你放进去 再配条小裙子 好不
Gloria thinks Americans are babies.
Well, in Colombia, we couldn't go running to the hospital
for every little sniffle or dislocated shoulder.
5-6. I serve. Huh?
五比六 我发球 对吧
Jay, what are your symptoms?
Manny, what did I say about getting off
that crazy doctor website?
I'm just worried about Jay.
Stomach pains can mean a lot of things --
Do you have a fever?
Stop it! Manny, he's fine.
够了 曼尼 他好着呢
- Tell him you're fine. - I'm fine.
Okay, good. Get in the car.
Uh, home fine, not mall fine.
Jay, you know what happens when I shop angry.
I'll clear a space.
I'm not loving your color.
So, dumb guys go for dumb girls,
and smart guys go for dumb girls?
What do the smart girls get?
So, Haley, how long have I been paying this guy
to make out with you?
Uh, about a week.
First it was just to shut him up,
but now I'm starting to like him.
If you really like him, though,
you have to break up with Dylan.
and it's best for everybody if you just do it quickly.
I can't believe we're having this conversation.
He's like part of the family.
Trust me -- it's the right thing to do.
Okay, but be gentle.
Boys are surprisingly sensitive at that age.
Yes, I'm gonna tell the water-polo-girl story,
'cause it hurt!
Okay, so I'm working in the principal's office.
hair all silver from the chlorine...
tells me she wants her varsity jacket back.
I tear up a little,
then I tear up a lot.
I'm begging, I'm begging --
at some point I realize
I'm sitting on the button
to the high-school intercom system.
Wasn't funny then, is not funny now.
It was traumatic, Haley.
Don't do Dylan like Linda "the cannon" Concannon did me.
that was a long time ago.
Maybe I'll call Dylan after he talks to Haley.
He's gonna need someone to lean on.
But that someone should not be his ex-girlfriend's father.
Honey, when Dylan is out of her life,
he should be out of ours.
You've always hated Dylan.
I have not always hated Dylan.
I have always thought that Haley could do better.
Plus, the new boyfriend is so smart.
It's done. We broke up.
I texted Dylan. It's over.
I'll bet that's him.
You can feel the hurt through the phone!
Cam's mom's been half of the dinner with her hands
It was like she was blind
and wanted to know what my thighs looked like.
I mean, are you really the best judge of this kind of a thing?
You've had boundary issues since you were a kid.
Okay. Sorry. My mistake.
好吧 对不起 是我的错
Must be Cam's mom...her issues.
- Nothing -- just getting a spoon. - Stop it.
-没干吗 拿个勺子而已 -别这样
- Is it bothering you? - Yes, it is.
- Hey, Mitchell - Claire, stop it! Stop it!
-嘿 米奇尔 -克莱尔 别这样
- Mitchell, Mitchell, Mitchell, Mitchell -- - Force field!
-米奇尔 米奇尔 米奇尔 -别逼我
That never stops being fun.
Listen, this is -- this is not in my head, Claire.
听好了 这不是我瞎想的 克莱尔
And it's actually getting worse.
Well, he never seems to notice.
And I certainly can't talk to him about it
because God forbid I say anything negative about his mom.
One time I added salt to her casserole...
...and he went into the garage and punched the car.
Okay, Mitchell, if this is happening --
好吧 米奇尔 如果这一切是真的
and I'm pretty sure it isn't --
Thank you. Supportive.
then you need Cam to see his mom feeling you up
and then make Cam deal with it.
Or, I guess, now that Haley and I broke up,
I should call you "Claire".
Actually, I think we're gonna stick with "Mrs. Dunphy".
Come on in. How are you doing?
I mean, everywhere I look, I see her face.
To be fair, Dylan, that is a family portrait.
那是呀 迪兰 你看的是我们的全家福
I got to go get some of my stuff. Is that cool?
Oh, don't look on the bookshelf!
You're just gonna...
Hey, kid, you got a minute?
I need the name of that medical website.
Can this wait until I'm home?
I'm having the round of my life.
I've been thinking, I might have a couple of those, uh,
those symptoms you were talking about.
You might as well play through.
It's gonna be a while.
I mean, I'm probably wrong,
but, you know, I just, uh, want to make sure.
- Is that Manny? - Work.
So, uh, tell them I'll --
I'll get that order out this afternoon, huh?
Because it sounded fake on this end.
I'll talk to you later, Tom.
Oh, Dylan, Dylan, Dylan, Dylan.
迪兰 迪兰 迪兰 迪兰
Hey, now that you guys are broken up,
you can call me whatever you want.
Phil, Vitamin P., P. Daddy.
菲尔 维他命菲 菲老爸 都行
I'm gonna miss that bad boy.
When I forget my own axe,
sometimes I come in here and noodle on it.
Actually, I've been writing a little song of my own.
Might be able to pluck out a few...
You know, I keep on hoping that this is just a dream,
that Haley and I didn't really break up.
But it's not a dream...
unless the whole thing was a dream
and we never even dated in the first place.
Weird -- this is kind of what my song's about.
I know this is tough, but you're gonna be fine.
You know, I was a lot like you in high school...
except my hair was shorter
and my guitar was a flute.
Well, if you want your own guitar,
We could go out and we'd pick you one.
Oh, I don't -- I don't know if that's such a good idea.
I guess I'll get going.
I can...well, be alone forever.
Uh, what -- what the hell?
Let's go guitar shopping.
Uh, do me a favor. Don't -- don't tell Mrs. Dunphy?
答应我件事 别 别告诉邓菲太太好吗
Yeah. Definitely. You got it.
Well, I guess I'll see ya.
you, uh, you can go ahead and exit
through the...front door.
Oh, right. Habit.
You know I saved them all.
- Oh, look. - What?
"You're the cutest boy in school.
You're gonna have an awesome summer.
Smooches -- Brenda."
Oh, Brenda, you are about to have
the most confusing summer of your life.
Oh, there's Mitchell!
My little corn silk!
Oh, Barb, oh, you are such a good hugger.
Isn't she the best hugger?
Oh, and look what I -- I got you, Barb.
- Mmm... - Thank you.
Oh, that's your tea. I'm gonna get your tea.
Well, I need a quarter.
Oh. Let me have that.
Oh, wow, yeah, feel free to fish around in there.
I'd like a cup, too, please.
Ohh, Barb, ohh. You know what?
I-I-I strained myself so bad today.
Well, what's hurtin' on ya?
It's this area between my, uh, lower back
Sounds like your fanny.
It's really knotted up.
Well, you need someone to work on that.
Ohh, I would love that. Just -- it's really seized up.
Just put your fingers all over my...
Your magic fingers...Barb.
Momma? Your tea.
- Mitchell? - Thanks, sweetie.
-米奇尔 -谢谢 宝贝
See you in the room for a minute?
Thank you. It's very hot.
- Don't burn your tongue. - All right, honey.
-别烫着舌头 -好的 亲爱的
Okay, I am not gonna cry,
but I want to know why, Mitchell,
Why you are presenting to my mother like a baboon.
I wanted you to see her fondling me.
So, you do want me to cry.
No, no, Cam, it's just that...
不 不 小卡 只是
she's always touching me inappropriately,
and you never seem to notice.
Show me, Mitchell.
Show me on Lily's doll where my mother is touching you.
I know that you don't want to hear this, but she's handsy,
and it makes me uncomfortable.
Oh, my god. I know what this is.
You're just not used to having a mother that shows affection.
Oh, do not make this about my mother.
But it is normal for a mother to be physical.
And it is not strange
for an occasional hug or a little pat on tanny.
Okay, these aren't pats, Cam -- no.
她不只是拍 小卡 根本不是
She squeezes and lingers!
Show me where she squeezes and lingers.
Cam, put the doll down.
I don't know if this is just sexual or -- or crazy town,
but your mother cannot keep her hands off of me,
and it's creeping me out
where you stabbed my momma.
Thanks for helping me pick out my axe.
You were so right, by the way.
The one with two necks would have been overkill.
If you want, you can have some of that.
Diet starts tomorrow!
Don't tell Mrs. Dunphy about this, either.
I, uh, I always wanted to go to this place with Haley,
but she said it looked stupid.
She's a girl with strong opinions --
Claire hates this new sweatshirt I bought.
She says it looks like something
a girl would wear to the beach.
But I wear it anyway.
I figure, why be alive if you can't do the things
you're passionate about?
What are you passionate about, Dylan?
Uh, I always wanted to drive to Graceland.
I know a guy who can get me a pet bobcat.
Yeah! No, you don't really know what they're gonna do.
The point is, you got your whole life ahead of you.
Enjoy being single.
I really got to play that song for you.
This is all in there.
Awesome. Be right back.
Hey, hey, come here.
嘿 你 过来
Is that guy over there with someone?
Could you tell if there was anything going on between them?
They were talking about taking a trip to Graceland together.
He just wants to go
'cause he thinks it's an amusement park!
this is looking more and more like diverticulitis.
Do they say how to treat it?
Like a heating pad or -- ohh -- there it is again.
Well, describe the pain.
It's like I'm being stabbed,
but also like I ate a bad scallop
that's stabbing me from the inside.
That's colorful, but there's no box for that.
What are you guys looking at?
- Girls! - Huffington post...girls.
-看美女 -赫芬顿邮报 美女
Manny, let me see that screen.
What did I tell you?
It's not his fault. I asked him to look.
I'm starting to think I have a serious problem here.
Yes, you do! That computer!
You read it there, you think it here,
you feel it here.
You want to feel better?
There -- you're cured.
Give me 15 minutes,
弗罗伦斯·南丁格尔 近代护理事业的创始人 5.12护士节就是为了纪念她 这里是挖苦歌洛莉亚
then tell Florence Nightingale I went to the hospital.
I'm gonna kill her! I'm gonna kill him!
I'm gonna kill both of them!
Dylan has a new girlfriend!
When did that happen?
I'm just surprised he didn't say anything...
He's not answering my texts.
How could he do this to me?!
Oh, honey, you were the one who broke up with him.
I didn't think he was gonna find someone so fast!
Maybe he's better than I thought.
No, he's not. What? No, he's not better!
不 不会 绝对不会
No, you know who's better?
David -- David the tutor.
Smart, smart David?
Maybe that's him right now!
Do you want the house to yourself?
For just a little while.
I got your texts.
Your new girlfriend.
I need her name and address, so I can mess her up.
I don't have a new girlfriend.
Don't play dumb, Dylan.
I'm not. I'm never playing dumb!
I saw you at that stupid restaurant,
sharing a sundae with her ugly sweatshirt on the chair.
Oh, is that the skank?
No...no, there's -- there's no skank.
不不 没有 没有什么荡妇
Well, then why aren't yo answering it?
'Cause I want to talk to you.
Well, I want to talk to her.
I'm gonna call her back
and tell her to keep her hands off
of what belongs to me.
- Haley... - Hello.
Oh...my...god -- the sweatshirt?
That was you with Dylan?!
Wait, you're the other girl?
No, we're just friends!
Phil, what are you --
Okay, put the phone down.
what is going on?
He needed someone to talk to.
He took the break-up pretty hard.
- But -- - You did?
I mean, I kept on hoping that we'd get back together.
Thinking of you with someone else just drove me crazy.
But then your da helped me figure out
maybe it's best if we're apart.
I mean, I think I just need
a little time to date...Dylan.
And I mean me, not another guy named Dylan.
So, we're still broken up?
Yeah, I think so.
Wow. Okay...um...I don't know -- I'll see you.
好吧 那就 再见吧
Are you okay, baby?
Do you need another pillow?
I know you think this is nothing,
but he did say it could be an ulcer.
He also said it could be gas.
Do you want me to burp you? Come here. Come here.
你想让我帮你拍拍背吗 过来 过来
Dollars to doughnuts, it's diverticulitis.
Actually, it's not.
You have acute pendicitis.
We need to get you into surgery right away.
Emergency surgery. I told you it was something.
That can't be right. You have to check again!
The tests are conclusive.
Everything will be all right, Mr. Pritchett.
No, jay, if that's true,
不 杰 如果是真的话
yhen I'm the worst wife in the whole wide world!
I made you suffer for two whole days!
Honey, it's okay.
No, it's not okay!
Why?! Why do I always almost kill my husbands?!
And I want to hear this story sometime,
but I'm sort of counting down to a rupture here!
No!! You can't go without forgiving me!
What if you die in there?
What do I do without you?!
but nobody dies of an appendectomy!
True, it's usually the anesthesia that gets you.
You're over 60, right?
I will never forget you, Jay!!
Could you go back to not caring, please?!
Mitchell, it's Barb.
Ohh, Barb. I'm so sorry.
Well, no, no, honey, you hush.
不不 亲爱的 听我说
I've been thinking about what I heard, and...
maybe I do touch you too much.
And I could say it's 'cause we're a family,
but, you know, I don't know.
但是 事实上 我不确定
I guess I have been having some fun with you,
and I...I thought that it was harmless,
but I would never want to make you uncomfortable.
Barb, it's my fault, too.
Yes, yes, of course.
是的 是的 当然了
'Cause I couldn't live with myself
if things stayed weird between us.
- Uh, Cam? Cam? - What is it?
-小卡 小卡 -怎么了
Well, we got it all worked out, sweetie!
Oh, great. Let me get my camera!
Okay, that's not necessary -- no!
From now on, if I go too far,
- please, you just tell me about it. - Okay.
What is that? Oh -- ohh!
Almost lost my bracelet.
- That would be an area that's okay. - No!
- Oh, dang it! - I'll get it. I'll get it.
-要命 -我来捡 我来捡
Oh, no, I saw where it fell.
Force field! Force field!
- I lost my bracelet in here. - Momma!
Listen, I think this might be one of those situations
where Mitchell feels like you're crossing a boundary.
Well...I...I got to have a good long think
about how I conduct myself.
I'm truly sorry, Mitchell.
It's okay! It's okay.
Well, let's take one quick picture,
- and we'll get out of his way. - Yeah. Absolutely.
- Scooch together there. - This all right?
He was your first real boyfriend.
I keep expecting him to show up.
He used to come by at night,
and I'd sneak out to see him.
- Yeah, I know. - You knew?
-是 我知道 -你知道吗
His car is 30 years old and doesn't have a muffler.
I rode in it to the guitar store.
I felt like I was flying.
I know it hurts now, sweetheart, but...
我知道你现在很难过 宝贝 但是
that's how you know it was a relationship worth having.
So Dylan, you love the Graceland?
Probably would be cooler if they had roller coasters.
Still, it's fun to see where the king lived, huh?
That's just an expression. America doesn't have a king.
Yeah. Oh, sure. Uh-huh. When?
是啊 好呀 什么时候
Well, that's not always the case.
So, Dylan, did you get a chance
to listen to that song I sent you?
No? You got seven minutes?