Look who's wearing her itsy-bitsy bikini.
He can comment because he's gay.
He was talking about Lily.
Ay, Cam, you make her look so pretty.
Guess who's not coming for Christmas.
And the spotlight shifts.
- Mom. She cancelled. - What?
-老妈 她不来了 -什么
In a voice mail, no less.
Unbelievable--and by that, I mean believable.
难以置信 好吧 其实完全可以置信
Why isn't Nana coming?
I don't know. Something about her new boyfriend
whisking her away on a cruise.
- I just got my gift. - What boyfriend?
Carl the cruise ship captain.
It was in her holiday newsletter.
Oh, I can't read that whole thing. No.
Yeah, after two pages about the bird she rescued...
I don't think you can say you rescued something if it dies.
- It died? - She wrote a poem about it.
A little too free with the free verse for my taste,
but fine, we'll call it a poem.
I stopped reading after she talked about suing her book club.
Oh, I stopped reading after "Dear friends,
Family and others..."
I'm sorry. Who are "Others"?
- Me. - No, you're not...
Uh, maybe you are.
Actually, she's kind of at her best at Christmas.
She makes a mean cookie.
What other kind could she possibly make?
you guys are not gonna be with your mom this Christmas.
- It's fine. - Yeah, it's more than fine.
Let's just-- can we move off of mom?
Yeah, and the upside now, Mitchell--
We can spend Christmas in Missouri
where it actually feels like Christmas.
Wait. Hang on a second. Just because Mom isn't coming
等等 慢点 妈妈不来
doesn't mean we're not gonna spend Christmas together.
I mean, it's about family.
Who do you think we're seeing in Missouri, claire,
- The Oak Ridge Boys? - Hold on.
I thought we were all getting together Christmas Eve this year.
We're on a flight to Mexico the 25th.
What do you mean, you're getting on a flight on the 25th?
You two needed time with your mom.
I've already served my time with your mom.
- Oh, Dad. - Well, uh,
well, when are we gonna have Christmas then?
I heard kids are getting snatched in Mexico.
Kids get snatched here just as much.
It happens all the time. Don't be scared.
Now when you say "All the time"
Okay, well what about next weekend?
Cause we're only home till the 21st, right?
Yeah, we leave tomorrow and we don't come back until the 21st.
Hey, math club, could you get me some more lemonade?
Are we saying that this is the last time
we're all gonna be together as a family until after the holidays?
And for you, maybe ever.
Yeah, we can't do this. This is not right.
对啊 这可不行 不能这样
We always spend Christmas together.
Yeah, we have to do something about it.
Ho, ho, hold up a sec.
等 等等 大家收声
We're all free today.
We've got four hours to shop, cook, wrap, get a tree.
有4个小时可以购物 煮菜 包礼物 买圣诞树
we could be celebrating Christmas, right?
I-I guess we could do that.
Have you ever heard of express Christmas?
- No. - No, you haven't, because I just invented it.
-没有 -肯定没有 这是我刚发明的
Express Christmas, "Tm."
- It's when you can't have it on Christmas day... - I got it.
- And you have to scramble. - Get on with it!
- Yeah, yeah... - We're wasting time! We're wasting time!
-行了行了 -大家速度 时间不等人
Everyone in the house! We'll make a plan!
Time is of the--oh! Ow! Hot! Hot! It's just too hot!
时间不等... 烫 地面晒得好烫
- Oh, Phil! - Aah!
- So we're really doing this, huh? - Yes.
- Yeah. - 'cause I had stuff lined up for Christmas Eve.
It's Manny's last chance to enjoy a family Christmas.
Until next year, you mean.
Well, with all the snatchings...
Get out of my head, Luke!
Okay, who's gonna get the tree?
Because, you know, get the wrong kind, people get upset.
- You get upset. - I'm people.
Fine, I'll get the turkey. What about gifts?
好 我去买火鸡 礼物呢
Jay, did we finish shopping?
Yeah, but we're not wrapped.
Oh, I can help with that.
We have a mobile wrapping station.
God, has that thing paid for itself.
Really? Cause I feel like I paid for it.
Okay. We've got lights and ornaments at our place.
Oh! You know what would be great?
- Is the angel! - The angel.
- Yeah. Where is it? - Oh. Um, Gloria,
-对 在哪呢 -歌洛莉亚
It's up in your attic. Would you get it?
Ay, no! Not the attic!
It's dirty, and there are spiders.
Oh, but it really won't be Christmas without it.
Won't be Christmas with it. It's December 16th.
Luke will help Gloria. He's not scared.
Oh, good. You won't find me in any attic.
That may be exactly where they find you.
Uh, I have a party tonight.
You promised I could go if I got a "B" On my test.
I studied. I read stuff.
What was the point of all that?
- The point, young lady ... - Who can remember,
-学习的意义在于 姑娘 -你们忘了吗
Express Christmas will be done by 9:00.
Claire, I'll text you the gift list.
You and Haley do the shopping.
Manny, you're coming with me. We're gonna get groceries.
曼尼 你跟我一起 我们去置办年货
Dinner, our house, 6:00.
6点晚餐 齐聚我家 不见不散
On Dasher! On Dancer! On Prancer and Vixen!
飞驰吧 阿冲 小舞 跳豆 悍妇
Hey, that kind of worked out.
Jay, you are gonna love this wrapping paper--
A lot of fun. We can go to Target. Okay?
- I was just wo-- you guys. - Let's go! Let's go!
-伙计们 我在想 -出门了出门了
So it's--it's just me and Lily getting the tree, then?
- Hello? - Hello?
My mom tells me it's "Xmas" in a text?
Yeah, well, my mom canceled in a voice mail
and told me she had a boyfriend in a newsletter,
So... Join the team.
Put some clothes on. We're getting a tree.
What do you mean, "at what"? I said "Luke."
I know you are. Stay on the beams.
Ay, dios mio! El diablo! It's back!
天呐 见鬼了 又来了
What is so special about that angel, anyways?
I guess nana made it for mom and uncle Mitchell
when they were kids.
Look where you're going!
To open more boxes.
Oh, you said "look where you're going," didn't you?
Every time you said "Luke",
I though you said "look".
I don't hear the difference.
It's not that hard. One is my name.
Juan is not your name!
Stop kidding around and look, Luke!
别老开玩笑 看着点 卢克
Ay, I get it. "look" sounds like "Luke."
Yes. Thank god.
I've been carrying that one around for three years.
Ugh. There's like a hundred things on this list.
I know, but it's just the two of us. It's fun.
我知道 母女同心 其利断金 多有趣啊
Okay, it's not Fake Mother's Day.
拜托 是假圣诞节 又不是假装母亲节
Ugh! This place is huge!
Oh, plus we have to cook dinner!
This is impossible.
Your whole life has led to this moment.
All the training, the hours of dedication...
There's not a soul alive who can touch you
when it comes to shopping,
and, baby, you know it.
Never been more proud in my life.
What about this one?
Let's see. No. No.
让我看看 不 不行
I'm sorry, I know I'm being really O.C.D. right now,
But there's something very particular that I'm looking for.
It needs to be a douglas fir, at least 8 feet tall,
and look good from all sides.
Exactly. No bald spots.
Yes. Thank you. Thank you.
The key is symmetry, right?
* O, symmetry. O, symmetry *
*哦 对称树 哦 对称树*
How come we never go shopping together?
- Because I hate shopping. - I do, too!
- Okay, this one. - Wait.
- Oh. No, no, no. - Oh, no, no, no, no.
-不行不行 -不行 完全不行
Uh, I think I know what you're looking for,
And we just got a shipment that might be perfect for you.
Just because my uncle is clearly gay...
- Let's not... - doesn't mean he'd ever want your tacky pink tree.
And frankly, we'd rather throw some lights on a coatrack
than have to deal with knuckle-draggers like you
today of all days.
Okay, first of all, amazing.
好吧 首先呢 了不起的演讲
- Second of all... - I was pointing to the truck.
It's full of 8-foot douglas-firs.
It's behind the pink tree.
Uh, we're--we're gonna go ahead and take, uh, this--this tree...
我们 我们打算买这棵 这棵树
And we're going to tie it onto our car ourselves.
You bet you will.
- I have two daddies. - He gets it, Lily.
-我有两个爹地 -人家懂的 莉莉
Cam and Jay--you know, sort of sounds like a bird.
"The migratory patterns of the Cam and Jay..."
Do you have any more tape in that thing?
Do I have more tape in that?
I got a tank full of tape, Mister.
What do you want? Invisible? Satin finish?
你想要哪种 透明胶 抛光胶
- Uh, double-sided? - Whatever. Whatever.
-还是双面胶 -随便 都行
I doubt that it is, but what?
Well, I mean the way you wrap a gift.
That's a lot of tape. Nobody can get in.
Kind of like... You know...
I mean, well, you let me in,
But in general, w--
Why so much tape, Jay?
Why are you wearing a sweater
when it's 95 degrees out?
It's my Christmas sweater.
Based on those stains,
you are the Christmas sweater.
Well, who's been a very good boy?
Okay. Are we gonna talk about the elephant in the room,
which is ironic because it's so tiny?
A man doesn't give another man a gift this small.
Oh, what do you think it is, a ring?
Was there wine with this cork?
Yes, there was, and we drank it on...
Oh, we drank it on, uh... Eh?
You have no idea.
I can't even remember my own anniversary, Cam.
How would I have remembered having had wine with my son's boyfriend?
No, I do this. This is my fault.
不 我总是这样 这是我的错
I-I attach too much meaning to things.
I mean, we watched our first football game together five years ago,
and I feel the need to save the cork
from the bottle of wine you served.
I mean, who does that?
It's not your only gift, by the way.
There's a duplicate bottle in that box right over there
which I had engraved with the date
and the final score, because I have a problem.
I gotta get going to Claire's.
- Cam...- No. Fresh wound. Can't talk yet.
-小卡 -不 新伤脆弱 请别撒盐
Fine. We'll put a cork in it.
Let it scab, Jay.
Oh, there you are. I thought I'd lost you.
Oh, I'm sorry. I may have taken a few minutes to try out a futon.
It's a young woman's game.
Okay. Where do we stand?
- I think we have everything. - Yes!
Oh... Except the ladybug night-light for Lily.
Haley, your whole life has led up...
Oh, I got it, Mom, I got it.
明白 妈 明白得很
Okay, okay, I'll b-- I'll see you in the line.
I not only found it, I got the last one.
Yes, the ladybug, not the turtle.
没错 瓢虫的 不是海龟的
I also got the doll, so I'm all set.
I'm gonna leave in five.
Or maybe I just want paper.
Paper. Paper. Just paper all the way. Yeah.
纸袋 纸袋 都用纸袋
Too late to change my mind?
Sir, would you like me to hold your merchandise
up at the register while you finish shopping?
Oh. Aren't you a dream?
And... One more pack of gum.
People drop in this time of year, you know.
Excuse me. Sorry. Pardon me.
不好意思 抱歉 借过
Sorry. Excuse me.
Night-light you were looking for, ma'am.
Ring her up, Madison.
You're leaving me alone here?
No, no, no, no. I...
It'll, uh, it'll just take me two minutes.
I need to get Jay's supersecret special gift.
Great. First you lose me in the grocery store,
now I'm in a deserted parking lot.
Why don't you just put a sign on me that says "Free kid"?
I think that might be him.
You don't know the guy we're meeting?
That's how Craigslist works.
Total strangers sell you things
like signed vintage baseball cards
that make your father-in-law respect you for an afternoon.
I don't like the looks of this guy.
He looks like everybody else.
Great. You can just tell that to the police, sketch artist.
Phil Dunphy, but I get that a lot.
Kidding. I'm your guy.
Can I see the cash?
Yes. Can I... Can I see the card?
可以 那 那能看看卡吗
That's why I want another $50.
I only have the $200.
Uh, deal's off, then.
Come on. It's Christmas...
At our house. It's a long story.
I just spent all my cash on groceries.
Fine. But I'm taking the butterball.
- I don't know about that. - That's it.
I'm getting mother's little helper.
- What? - My mom keeps a stun gun for emergencies.
This isn't an emergen--
I thought he was going to snatch me.
A butterball isn't...
I think he said, "A butterball's a turkey."
I was reaching for the turkey.
Oh. Well, we can't give you our turkey.
And... Here's the... money.
Huh. Never saw this before.
"An angel for my angels. Love, Mom."
Oh, that's beautiful.
And it smells like mothballs, just like nana.
- Thank--Merry Christmas. - Just--just give it up.
Don't beat yourself up.
I do that, like, once a week.
The good news is, we never have to come back here.
- The tree! - I can't watch!
Ay, yes, I said "Luke".
You told me already. I did it right!
Never look back. Never!
Maybe we can salvage it?
Are you okay, papi?
Good. That's because we had our guardian angel.
Oh, and you made it pretty. Honey, put it on the table.
你摆得真漂亮 宝贝 放桌上
- New tradition? - Oh, yes. Yes.
Tough to decorate the tree with no tree, huh?
How long you gonna ignore me, cam?
Until the shame cloud clears.
You know, I push. I'm a pusher.
我就这样 我喜欢主动 强人所难
You gotta give yourself a break.
See, the thing about me,
I'm not as open with feelings as you.
You've gotta lower your expectations.
- Baby steps. - No steps.
See? Did it again.
Push! Push, push, push, push.
推 推 推 推
Now I've pushed you out of the room.
I got the tire marks off her wings,
but I can't get her head to stay on.
Okay, that's what this is for.
Now stick it in the top of the tree
with the good part facing out. Come on.
Well, that stuffing looks good.
All we need now is a turkey to surround it.
Well, relax. Phil just texted,
and he's "On his wax."
Okay! Here comes the tree.
- Here comes more of the tree. - Hi, honey.
-圣诞树残肢也驾到了 -嗨 宝贝
oh. Oh, my gosh. What happened?
Well, uh, someone ran over it,
But that's okay 'cause we are gonna put it back together.
He's gonna need a lot of gum.
Oh, thank god. Here comes phil and the butterball.
I am sorry, but there is no turkey.
There's no turkey? What's the plan, Phil?
没有火鸡 不是都说好了吗 菲尔
If you get real close,
They look like turkeys, and everyone gets their own.
Not fun. Not fun.
I asked you to pick up a cooked turkey.
The store was out of turkeys.
It was an hour to express Christmas.
Please, just make it work, okay? Please.
拜托 就凑合着用吧 好吗
They're not even defrosted.
- You want 'em defrosted? - Yeah.
Is that my stun gun?
Yep. And it works great.
Um... We can make this work. This can work.
Dad, you and Mitchell reassemble that tree.
And I am going to defrost these birds,
and we'll cook them in shifts,
And we'll just push dinner back by a bit.
Oh, how long? 'Cause I still have my party.
- What the hell happened to the angel? - No!
The real question here is,
how come we still have the dog butler?
Oh, you found him, huh?
Well, this thing is-- it's filthy.
这天使 好 好脏啊
And... What happened?!
Probably by the same maniac who ran over the tree.
Oh, my God. Is that--
Yep. Yep, that's gum. That is gum.
是 是口香糖 口香糖
Okay, I'm... I'm out.
行 我 我不干了
- Ah, Mitch... - I'm done. I am out.
-米奇尔 -我退出 我不玩了
No. No turkey, no tree,
不 火鸡也没有 树也没有
And now this looks like the lady she used to be
before she died and became an angel.
All right. Relax, Mitchell. It's an ornament.
好了 放松 米奇尔 装饰而已
We're never gonna get this together.
- I'm going to my party. - No, no. No, you're not.
-我要去派对玩了 -不 你不能去
You are not. You're staying right here,
Because you're not going to abandon your family on Christmas.
It's not Christmas.
Exactly. Exactly. It's not Christmas, Claire.
就是 就是 这不是圣诞节 克莱尔
Fine! You know what?
I am really tired trying to make this work on my own.
I will see you people in a year.
No! Nobody goes anywhere.
I know what the problem is here.
You two miss your mommy.
No. I do not miss my mommy.
Admit it. It's sad.
She used to make you cookies, the angel...
Now she talks to you in a newsletter
And she cancels for no reason.
Come here, my little ones.
We're good. It's not a big deal.
It's Christmas. You need a mommy.
You're not our mommy.
And it's not Christmas. Come here.
It's okay to miss her.
Can I put in my 2 cents on fake Christmas?
Let it go, Phil. It's not sticking.
算了吧 菲尔 强辩也无法使之成立
We all gave it our best shot to make this thing work.
It just didn't happen, all right?
What do you say we cut our losses?
Let's go out to a nice chinese restaurant
and have a traditional jewish Christmas.
But I risked my life grocery shopping.
Save that story for Wang Fu.
Now let's go. Come on, everybody.
现在咱们走 出发 大家伙
On me! Out! Everybody out!
Wang Fu's. It's on me.
Let's go. Come on, baby girl.
快走 来吧 宝贝
- What's going on? - Awesome!
You hate chinese food.
- You wanna hug me, don't you? - I kind of do.
-你想要抱我 是吧 -我是有点想
- 45 seconds? - 4 to 5 seconds.
Whether it's the one you start out with...
- Hi, mom! - Hi, mom!
-嗨 妈妈 -嗨 妈妈
So, um, tell us everything
- about the new boyfriend. , yeah.
Don't leave anything out. Mm.
You can leave some things out.
the one that you end up with...
Or the family that you gain along the way...
Do this. Snow angels.
Which makes every day
Hey, Jay, um, I'm sorry about the baseball card.
杰 那个 不好意思把棒球卡弄坏了
I-I did get you a-a backup gift.
It's--it's nothing. I picked it up when we stopped for gas.
I know. You got us snow,
- and I got you dog antlers. - I love these.
I thought you might.
Honey, look. Come here.
宝贝 看 快过来
There. How cute is that?
Where's my camera? Gloria, you gotta see this!
我相机呢 歌洛莉亚 你得过来看看
Come on, Stella! Gloria!
过来 斯黛拉 歌洛莉亚
- Dog antlers. - He loves dog antlers.