This is the last thing she needs today.
Busy day at the Dunphy compound.
We have a wedding tonight,
and this afternoon, Claire is debating Duane Bailey
in the race for town council.
And now the "Weekly Saver" says
that some voters find Claire-- quote--
"Angry and unlikable."
To those voters, I say,
"Wait till she sees this."
No one can mention it to her.
We can't have some unscientific poll
shaking Claire's confidence.
- What poll? -Too late. She knows.
-什么民调 -完了 她知道了
- What is this, a witch hunt? - Oh, my god.
-干嘛 要搞政治迫害吗 -我的天啊
Well, I just don't think it's a big deal.
I mean, how many people read the "Weekly..."
- "Saver"? -"Saver," anyway?
-《救星》 -《救星》 随便吧
used to advertise with that newspaper.
And how am I angry and unlikable?
Can I take this one?
You seem angry now.
I am angry, at that poll.
I think it's the yelling. I would tone down the yelling.
Honey, I don't yell for no reason.
You yelled at my teacher for calling me "special."
Honey, that was not a compliment.
- Sweetheart, you're not unlikable. - Thank you.
-亲 你不讨人嫌 -谢谢
You just seem unlikable.
But if we work on it, it's totally fixable.
How? How, Phil? How are we gonna "Work on it"?
怎么解决 菲尔 我们怎么"努把力"
First of all, lose the snippy attitude.
And I don't know--maybe we could have a mock debate.
That way, mom can rehearse her views on the issues.
Yeah, and we can point out all the little things
she does that turn people off.
Like that look. I would lose that look.
Spooky, but better.
All right. Thank you very much.
Hey, Lily! Come here, honey!
嘿 莉莉 快过来 宝贝
Hi! Do you know what this is?
- Containing? -She doesn't know "containing."
Well, that's how she learns new words, by us using them.
Or, that's how we lower her self-esteem,
by bombarding her with confusing vocabulary.
What's the box containing?
Okay. It's your dress.
It's every little girl's dream
to be a flower girl in a wedding.
It's Lily's chance to shine.
I was a 3-time ring bearer.
It's lily's chance to shine.
Cam, she's gonna look like little bo peep.
Or little bo cheap.
Look at this fabric. It's already pilling.
Maybe it look better on?
You mean turned on?
No, it does not--Cam!
不 不行 小卡啊
Oh, my gosh. Are we really gonna let her wear this?
You know what? If the bride wants to have a tacky wedding,
She can have a tacky wedding.
- Lily will be the bright spot. - Literally.
Heard it as soon as I said it.
Where's my good girl?
Gloria, is stella up there?
Why don't you say "hello" your wife when you come home?
Well, why don't you greet me at the door, wagging your tail?
Stella, honey! Where are you?
斯黛拉 宝贝 你在哪儿
Stella, I'm coming! I'm coming!
斯黛拉 我来啦 我来啦
You okay? You okay?
Why are you swimming in your clothes?
Because I'm self-conscious about my body.
Stella fell in the pool.
It's my fault. I let her out,
and then I got caught up in my couponing.
Any coupons for swim lessons?
'Cause Stella needs some.
Seriously? Manny you teach to swim
by throwing him in the pool,
but the dog gets swimming lessons?
I gotta say, it was unpleasant but effective.
我得说 那么学虽然痛苦 但很有效
We have to teach Stella how to swim.
Otherwise, she could drown.
Why don't you teach her not to jump in the pool?
She didn't jump in the pool. She fell in the pool.
Why, suddenly, would she jump in the pool
when she doesn't know how to swim?
Why does she bark at the vacuum?
It's a thing. It is never going to play with you.
Are you saying that Stella is stupid?
Are you covering her ears?
Let's have a little compassion.
She's probably still traumatized from her near-death experience.
Again? What's happening?!
Welcome, candidates. Mrs. Dunphy...
Thank you for having me.
And councilman Bailey.
Gosh, thank you so much, Alex.
I'm deeply honored to be here,
and I remain, as ever, a humble servant
to the greatest little town
in the greatest darn--
Playful eye rolling.
How do we, as voters, know it's playful? I would avoid it.
Okay. No eye rolling.
And don't purse your lips like that.
It makes you look annoyed.
And don't touch your face.
Yeah, no face touching. Seems nervous.
是啊 别摸脸 这样显得紧张
Some of this is subjective.
- What? What now? - Anger.
It looks like you're scolding us.
I will keep my hands at my sides.
Not on your hips. You're not superman.
Can we get started?
We haven't started?
I've prepared some questions.
Oh, goody! Actual questions.
哦 太好了 还真有问题
- Honk. Sarcasm. - Just go.
-喇叭警告 讽刺 -赶紧提问吧
Okay, Mrs. Dunphy,
why are you running for local office?
Okay, that's, um, that's good.
好吧 那个 问得很好
Mom, you really shouldn't stutter
over a basic question like that.
You should at least know why you're running.
I thought the moderator was supposed to be objective.
Not if she's the only one in the room
who has actual debate experience.
Now why are you running?
I saw the need for a stop sign in--
I-I just think you should be ready for anything.
I saw the need for a s--
Sorry. Accidental buzz.
I saw the need for a stop sign in my neighborhood,
and although I collected the necessary signatures
and did the paperwork, I found local government
to be entirely unhelpful--
- When--what? - Too long. I'm bored.
-当我 又怎么了 -句子太长 让我觉得无聊
Yeah, next question. I feel like I'm in school.
对 下个问题吧 感觉跟上课似的
Some say the political system is bogged down
by ideological hard-liners
unwilling to compromise.
How would you respond to that, councilman Bailey?
I would like to use my lifeline.
If elected, I would consider all perspectives,
and I would not ignore opposing viewpoints.
Helicopter. Just keep going.
I would consider all perspectives,
- and I wouldn't ignore opposing-- - You suck!
You have to be ready for hecklers.
Okay. I'm doing over. No buzzing.
好的 从头再来 不准打断
- What? - Too close to the mic.
Phil, it's a hairbrush.
If elected, I would consider all opinions
and not ignore those of the opposition,
as councilman Bailey has done for six terms.
What? That was a great answer.
Well, I couldn't hear it
because you were showing me the bad side of your face.
I have a bad side?
- Yeah, the left. - No. It's the right.
-对 左半边 -不对 是右半边
Uh, dad, it's totally the left. I mean, look at it.
老爸 绝对是左半边好吧 你自己看看
Sweetheart, why do you think I chose my side of the bed?
Okay! Okay. Thank you.
Thank you, family. This has been super-duper helpful.
Hands, lips, sarcasm, eye-rolling,
手势 嘴唇 讽刺 翻白眼
wrong side of the face.
Oh, yeah. Now I see it.
- Okay. Okay, that's good, Cam. -And this.
-好了 够了小卡 -还有这样
Save--let's save some petals for Lily, all right?
Okay. Let's do it over here, sweetheart.
- Right over here. - Okay.
There you go. Oh, like you're coming down the aisle!
Not too many at once. That's good.
Okay. You're doing great, Lil.
很好 你做得很好 乖女儿
Oh, she is, isn't she?
Forget the bride. All the eyes are gonna be on her.
I cannot believe you laughed!
I am sorry. But you know I have two weaknesses--
children cursing and old people rapping.
Cam, we have to tell her it's a bad word.
No. That just gives it more power.
The less we make of it, the better.
Let's just pretend like it never happened.
Okay. Yeah, maybe it-- maybe it didn't.
好吧 或许 或许什么都没发生
Maybe we--maybe we misheard.
Yeah. Maybe she said "Truck."
Or "Luck." She could have said "Yuck."
Daddy, can I have some ice cream?
No, honey, if you're hungry, you can have some fruit.
不 宝贝儿 如果你饿了 可以吃点水果
I have two children.
Phil? Phil, is this televised?
I didn't tell you because I didn't want to make you nervous.
Great plan. Really good plan.
Throw me for a curveball at the last minute.
Mom, chill. It's just public access.
My debate team's on public access,
and the only people who watch me are you guys.
Yep. All the time.
So maybe nobody will see this?
No. We want people to see this.
That's how you win elections. That's the whole point.
Then mom should do something so crazy and stupid.
- It goes viral. - Mom, please don't go viral.
-可以做网络红人 -妈 千万别做网络红人
Okay. I'll add that to my list of things not to do--
Don't touch my face, don't roll my eyes,
don't point my fingers,
and definitely don't go viral.
Do any of you still believe in me?
Of course we do. We're on your side.
Let's grab a seat.
Okay. Mom, just be confident.
好了 妈 要有自信
Based on what? I just lost a debate in my living room,
and people think I'm unlikable.
That's just the word men use for powerful women
because they feel threatened.
So just forget everything else and be proud and powerful.
所以忘掉一切 强势不屈 舍我其谁
How did you get so smart?
I've always assumed adoption or baby switch.
Hey. Hey. No kisses!
Proud and powerful.
- Sorry. - And no apologizing.
Yes! Shut up and get in there!
对 闭嘴 赶紧进去
That's more like it!
- Go get 'em, Claire. -Thanks.
-搞定他们 克莱尔 -多谢支持
Don't worry. We're going to cheer for you
no matter what you say.
Oh, good. More support from my loving family.
Why'd you bring Stella?
She keeps getting out and jumping in the pool.
We don't wanna take any chances because she can't swim.
Then why does she keep jumping in the pool?
I've been thinking about it. I got a theory.
She might be suicidal.
What? That's crazy.
There's not such thing as doggy suicide.
Hi. Duane Bailey.
Sorry. I couldn't help but overhear.
In addition to being a public servant,
I'm also an award-winning breeder of puggles.
I've won the Puggly. Twice.
And I'm afraid that doggy suicide
It's just the mainstream media doesn't report on it,
'cause it's not as sexy as feline A.I.D.S.
Stella is not suicidal. She's just... estupid.
Well, that might be part of your problem.
She senses you don't like her.
This one's been against this little angel
from the very beginning.
Yeah, well, dogs pick up on that.
You know, they're very sensitive.
I like to call them, um...
Bottomless pits of need.
But not to their face, though.
That would just destroy them.
So now this is my fault?
I think he knows what he's talking about.
The man won a puggly.
- Two. I won two pugglies. - We're done here.
-两个 我赢过两个 -我们说完了
- In 2000- - Yeah.
Do you have any idea what station this is on?
Here, I'll look online.
It's a webcast? That would have been helpful to know
900 channels ago.
No, it's on public access or something.
I wanna watch aunt claire!
Okay. Well, first, honey, we need to talk about something.
行 但是首先 宝贝 我们得谈谈
It's about that word you said this morning.
You know, the one that starts with "F"?
- "Flower"? - No.
If she doesn't remember it, we shouldn't remind her.
Oh, well, she said it three times.
Cam, leave the room!
No. I can do this.
Lily, that is a bad word,
and you are not allowed to say it ever.
But it makes you laugh.
Okay, well, daddy shouldn't be laughing,
and you should never say that word.
Okay. This is not a game, all right?
好吧 这可不是什么游戏 好吗
If you say that word one more time,
I'm gonna take away all your toys!
I'm serious! She knows I'm not serious.
What about the wedding?
What if she says it there?
She's like a ticking time bomb!
-Well, what are we gonna do, cancel? - Yes.
-那我们怎么办 取消吗 -没错
Maybe we just call and say,
"We're not going to any more weddings until the gays can get married."
Oh, so now we're political?
We leave town on gay pride weekend
because we don't like the traffic.
But there's no substitute for experience.
For example, I doubt my opponent is familiar
with town ordinance 26-12b...
26-12b has to do with noise pollution--
Something, sir, that you are guilty of right now.
也就是您 先生 现在正造出的哟
Oh, no she di'int!
Ladies and gentlemen...
I know. They're a little too close together.
It's been bugging me for years.
No, she's in the zone.
She's ready for anything.
I do like to talk... about the issues.
Speaking of issues,
your husband seems to have some.
I'm not sorry. What?
Oh, well, I wouldn't want to bring it up,
but since you asked, um...
In february of last year, your husband,
one, uh, Phillip Dunphy, was questioned at a local hotel
for lewd and lascivious conduct.
Ma'am, according to this police report,
he, uh, broke into a stranger's room,
and then posed provocatively on the bed.
That is technically true,
but in all fairness, it was valentine's day.
Oh! Oh, I'm so sorry. It was valentine's day.
if your husband was born in this country.
Perhaps he snuck in illegally,
but here in America, we celebrate valentine's day
not our private parts.
This is my new favorite show.
he was looking for me, his wife,
and he walked into the wrong room.
If you believe that,
I have some talking puggles I'd like to sell you.
Do you believe this?
Talking dogs? I'm skeptical.
- I won the puggly. Twice. - Be strong.
-我赢过最佳猎犬奖 两次 -强硬
I am glad that my opponent brought this up,
as I feel that it speaks to his character
I think that we should raise the level of discourse
and get back to the issues
that the voters really care about.
When he was naked, what were you wearing?
I... don't think that's relevant.
Are you sex freaks?
My personal life has nothing to do with this.
Uh--the--my opponent has brought this up
to distract from his own record,
which shows that in--in six years,
he has achieved nothing more than writing one ordinance
that allows private parties to have more than eight dogs.
It's like watching the "Hindenburg."
This is the most horrible thing I've ever seen in my life.
- Excuse me! - Stand by.
I am Phil Dunphy, and I am not a pervert.
I, like a lot of men in this town,
enjoy making love to my wife.
I mean, um... I mean with their wives.
Look, I should probably just sit down and say nothing.
But it's too late.
I am standing, and I'm obviously talking,
and now you're looking at me,
and I feel the need to keep going.
no charges were filed.
Everyone had a good laugh--
about the situation, not--not about me.
Everything's fine down there.
All over YouTube.
Some sick bastard auto-tuned me.
I enjoy making love to my wife--wife
And I don't know how to stop.
We should have been there already!
Gloria, I'm tying my tie!
And I thought I was the woman.
Ay! Estella, no! No!
喂 斯黛拉 别啊
Estella, don't do it! Don't kill yourself!
斯黛拉 别想不开 别自寻短见啊
You are a perfectly fine dog!
Estella, okay, I was a little mean to you,
斯黛拉 好吧 我对你是有点刻薄
but that's no reason to kill yourself!
You still have so much left to smell!
Ay! Come on, Estella!
- What happened? - Are you okay?
- And you jumped in to save her? - No, Jay!
I wanted to take a little swim before going to the wedding!
Get her a towel. She's shaking like a leaf.
Oh, no, no, I meant--
- I meant-- - Thank you, Jay.
The dog towel for me.
Hi. Hey, what's shaking? What's cooking?
You saw the debate, didn't you?
The de-what? No, that wasn't--
That was today? No, no. Was that on today?
Oh, I didn't remember.
You are the worst liars.
It was phenomenal television.
Oh, well, you ain't seen nothing yet.
How about there... we go.
Yikes. She looks like a lite brite.
Lily, sweetie, are you excited to be a flower girl?
Little bit nervous?
Why isn't she talking to me? Did she see the debate, too?
Nope, she's on verbal lockdown.
- Oh? - She's been dropping a certain curse word all day.
Mm. Yeah. Yeah, so we're just hoping
the next one doesn't happen during the wedding.
If it does, it'll be the second most embarrassing thing
to happen to our family today.
Phil, you said it wasn't that bad.
That was in the car. We're in a church now.
Somebody turn her off. I think I'm having a seizure.
Oh, good. I thought that we were going to miss Lily.
Ships at sea wouldn't miss Lily. Where have you guys been?
I had to jump in the pool to save the stupid dog...
That I didn't let her down doesn't mean that I love her.
I barely got Manny back in the pool
after that possum incident.
I thought it drowned,
but turns out it was just playing possum.
You know what the worst part of today was?
I imagine it's hard to choose.
When everything was melting down,
I realized I had an answer to your question,
why I was running.
I wanted to make my family proud,
and I did the exact opposite.
No, I did. I totally embarrassed you.
No. No, dad embarrassed me.
I was proud of you.
I think it's cool you're running for local office.
I mean, it's totally nerdy, and that's kind of my thing.
Hmm. Maybe it's kind of our thing.
Ah. Some day, I'll walk you down the aisle.
If you're not in perv jail.
Friends, family, thank you for making...
朋友们 亲人们 谢谢大家前来...
Well, you know I cry at weddings.
- What? - Stop--stop crying.
Well, just because you have ice water in your veins,
- doesn't mean that-- - No. No, Lily...
-不代表... -别 别 莉莉
He's fine. Daddy's fine.
- Daddy's not sad. - Daddy, daddy!
-爸爸高兴着呢 -爸爸 爸爸
You see? I told you it was funny.
There. That ought to do it.. Go on, you little motorboat!
应该没问题了 冲吧 像小汽艇一样
Oh, jeez, I think she's trying to get herself
sucked into the filter.
What'd you say to her?
I didn't say anything!
See? She was not trying to kill herself.
She was just trying to get to the squeaky wiener!
That must be why she's been jumping in.
It must have been there all the time. That's hilarious!
I'm saying it will be.