摩登家庭 第三季 Modern Family Season 3 第15集: 姑妈代孕 Aunt Mommy

上映日期: 2,011

语言: 英语

影片类型: 喜剧 / 家庭

导演: 杰森·维纳

演员: 艾德·奥尼尔 / 索菲娅·维加拉 / 朱丽·鲍温 / 泰·布利尔 / 杰西·泰勒·弗格森 / 艾瑞克·斯通斯崔特 / 里德·尤因 / 萨拉·海蓝德 / 阿芮尔·温特 / 诺兰·古德 / 里克·罗德里格


台词
Whoa. What's all this?
哇 怎么回事
Mom heard us say we were bored.
妈妈听到我们抱怨说好无聊
Suckers.
衰了吧
She heard us from outside.
她从外面都能听到
She has super good hearing, like a seeing eye dog.
她简直有顺风耳 就像导盲犬
They have overdeveloped hearing to make up for the fact that--
那些狗有过度发达的听力 以此来弥补
Wait, the dogs aren't blind.
等等 导盲犬本身没有瞎
Wait. Are they?
等等 好像是瞎的吧
No, that wouldn't make sense.
不对 这样说不通啊
You're right.
你说得对
If I wait long enough, she can get there by herself.
只要耐心等待 她自己就能琢磨出答案
Quick, girls--
快猜 姑娘们
Famous Danny from "Moonstruck."
《月满抱佳人》中著名的丹尼
[Danny Aiello]
[丹尼·艾洛 电影演员]
Aiello?
艾啰
Hey, Phil. I'm glad I caught ya.
菲尔 幸好找到你了
What's up?
什么事
Uh, it's about Steven and Stefan.
是关于斯蒂芬和斯特凡的
They wanna see that house on Briar again.
他们想再看一次布洛尔街上的房子
Really? I showed it to them five times.
真的吗 我都带他们去看过5次了
[汤姆·汉克斯经典爱情喜剧]
Last time we were there, I think they got mail.
上次去看时 我以为他们总算看对眼了呢
Yeah, well, that's why I'm calling.
所以我才给你打电话啊
They hate upsetting people, unless, of course, it's me.
他们不喜欢去烦别人 只喜欢烦我
Then they don't mind waking me up at 7:00 A.M.,
所以他们才不介意清晨7点就把我闹醒
asking me to call you.
要我给你打电话
It's no problem. I'm just hanging around.
没问题 反正我也没事
Kind of bored, really.
正好有点闲得无聊
What?
怎么了
Well, we did our good deed for the day.
我们今天的日行一善完成了
Yeah, for the enemy. Don't they have enough?
没错 为了我们的死对头 他们有完没完啊
It's been about a year since we decided to adopt a boy.
我们从一年前就计划领养一个儿子
Meanwhile, our friends Steven and Stefan
同时 我们的朋友斯蒂芬和斯特凡
decided that they wanted a baby, too.
也决定要一个孩子
Wonder where they got that idea?
好奇他们这念头从哪里偷来的啊
Well, we're still waiting, but they already got their kid
我们还在等待之中 他们却已经
because they went through a surrogate.
通过代孕生下了孩子
Which is all they talk about.
他们对此叽叽喳喳个没完
Are you gonna keep doing that?
你要一直这么说话吗
I might.
没准哦
I have to go show a house.
我得带人去看房子了
But first, what was Elton John's sexual orientation in the '70s?
不过首先 艾尔顿·约翰在70年代时的性向是
Bye.
拜[音同Bi 双性恋]
- You've done that one before. - And it never gets old,
-你已经说过一次了 -经典永流传
[艾尔顿·约翰歌曲名]
like the good Captain Fantastic himself.
就像奇异船长本人一样
Hey, Claire, guess what?
克莱尔 你知道吗
I'm sorry, honey, I can't talk right now.
抱歉 亲爱的 我没空说话
I told Bethenny I would take her to the airport.
我答应了送贝瑟妮去机场
I'm late, and she's gonna miss her flight. Where are my keys?
我迟到了 她会赶不上飞机的 钥匙呢
Why is that chair still here? I thought you and Luke
这椅子怎么还在这 我以为你和卢克
were gonna put it out on the sidewalk.
已经把它搬去路边了呢
So you can't talk unless it's about my chores?
你没空说话 却有空要我做家务
Why don't you just do it now, and you won't be so bored?
你何不现在把活干好 也免得你这么无聊
You heard that?
你刚才听见了
I hear everything.
什么都逃不过我耳朵
That's for me.
是找我的
Hey, Leon. Nice buzz cut.
利昂 小平头真清爽
Yeah, for some people, the shampoo doesn't work.
对某些人来说 洗发水根本没用
It only makes the lice angry.
只会让头虱越发猖狂
Nice to see you.
很高兴见到你
Oh, no. No--oh, God.
天呐 怎么会这样
Um, Alex, do not move.
艾丽克斯 站着别动
Haley, clean this up, okay?
海莉 立刻打扫干净 听见了吗
Who fills a vase with marbles?
谁会在花瓶里装满弹子球啊
Who doesn't see a vase filled with marbles?
谁会看不见一个装满弹子球的花瓶呢
Who wants to hear a bunch of plates crashing?
谁想聆听一大叠盘子被打破的乐曲
Phil! Honey, the girls need you in the kitchen!
菲尔 亲爱的 快来厨房帮帮姑娘们
Thanks for the hat, Leon. It kind of tickles.
谢谢你的帽子 利昂 戴着有点痒呢
Phil!
菲尔
How much electricity do we need to bring this back?
把它救活需要多少电啊
It's not rocket science.
用不着那么高深的知识
We're only reanimating a squirrel.
我们只是要让只死松鼠复活而已
Phil! Now!
菲尔 事态紧急
家 庭
摩 登
第三季 第十五集
Sounds great. No, hang on.
听起来不错嘛 不 等一下
Gloria, where's Manny?
歌洛莉亚 曼尼呢
Some neighborhood kids have invited him to play football.
几个邻居小孩邀请他一起去踢橄榄球
He said he was taking his morning constitutional.
他说他去进行晨间散步保健了
He's working on his go-cart, but he'll be there.
他在摆弄他的卡丁车 不过他会去的
Okay. See you then.
好 到时候见
No, Manny cannot go and play with those boys.
曼尼没法去和他们踢球了
Margo is trying to get us theater tickets for this afternoon.
玛戈正在帮我们搞下午去剧院的票
Gloria, you and Manny do enough together.
歌洛莉亚 你和曼尼黏得够紧了
Let's let him decide. Where's he walking?
我们让他自己决定吧 他去哪里散步了
I don't know. But according to the song he was singing,
不知道 不过就他哼的歌来看
[On the Sunny Side of the Street 经典爵士歌曲]
he was going to the sunny side of the street.
大概是在街道的向阳处散步呢
I cannot express to you enough how bad this kid needs football.
再多的话也不足以说明 那孩子多么需要踢橄榄球
Mom! Look what I found!
妈 快看我找到了什么
Number 99!
第99个硬币
When Manny was 5, we didn't have much.
在曼尼5岁时 我们家境贫穷
We were on our own.
无依无靠
So we always dreamed of winning the lottery.
所以我们总是幻想能中个彩票
We figured if we collected 100 lucky heads-up pennies
我们想如果收集起100个人像朝上的幸运分币
and bought a ticket with them, we couldn't lose.
再用它买张彩票 铁定能中
But now I have a wonderful husband,
但现在我找到了好老公
a beautiful home...
有了好归宿
I feel like I already won the lottery.
我觉得自己已经中大奖了
So I can keep whatever we win?
所以万一中奖 能全部归我吗
I think no. I found most of them.
想得美 大部分硬币都是我捡的
Can you put this in the jar with the others?
能把这个放到存钱罐里吗
Si.
没问题
Ay. I forgot.
啊 我忘了
What is the combination to your safe?
你保险箱的密码是什么来着
I'll just come with you.
我还是跟你一起去吧
Oh, yes, 'cause that's how this arrangement works--
噢 真有意思 难道我们家的情况是
I take money from you!
靠你们俩来养活我吗
Hello?
你好
Oh, hi, Margo. No, she just ran upstairs.
玛戈啊 不 她刚上楼去了
Listen, about these theater tickets--
听着 那些剧院的票啊
Don't knock yourself out trying to...
你不用费那么大劲去
Oh, you did?
已经搞到了
Well, sorry to do this last minute,
那个 抱歉现在才通知你
but they can't go.
可他们去不了了
No, Manny has a football game, so...
不 曼尼有个橄榄球比赛 所以
Jay, could you steep my tea?
杰 能帮我把茶泡上吗
I cannot express to you enough how much this kid needs football.
再多的话也不足以说明 那孩子多么需要踢橄榄球
And that is the whole house...
整幢房子的参观结束
Again.
再一次的
I love it, but I just don't love it.
我喜欢这房子 可不是那种喜欢
Do you love it?
你喜欢吗
I love it. I absolutely love it.
当然 我当然喜欢
I'm just not sure if I'm in love with it.
我就是不太确定是不是爱上它了
Oh, yeah.
我懂的
We have an expression around the office
我们公司有个说法
for when a sale just isn't happening--
把那些做不成的买卖叫做
"Commission: Impossible."
佣金无望
[改自《碟中谍》英文名Mission Impossible]
Maybe for some people.
那是对他们来说
Not sure if I mentioned it before,
我忘了之前有没有提过
but the house does come with a hookup
这房子可是附带有
for a European washing machine.
一台欧式洗衣机的
Oh, I love that.
这个我喜欢
Oh, so sorry.
真抱歉
It's the boss.
"老大"来电
Hi. I'm on my way home.
嗨 我在回家路上呢
I've been calling Haley, but nobody's answering.
刚给海莉打电话 一直没人接
Is everything okay there?
都还好吧
Everything here is great.
一切都好
Oh, thank god. Did you put the chair out front?
那太好了 你把椅子搬出去了没
Not yet.
还没呢
Honey, you're gonna miss the trash pickup.
亲爱的 一会赶不上垃圾车收垃圾了
Don't worry. If they don't take it, someone else will.
别担心 就算他们不要 别人也会要的
Who is gonna pick up
谁没事会从我们草坪上
that ratty chair off our lawn?
把那破椅子搬走啊
Are you kidding? It's in great shape.
开什么玩笑 它好着呢
Super cozy. People are always commenting on it.
超级舒服 人见人爱花见花开
Trust me, it'll be gone by the end of the day.
相信我 今晚前就会有人要的
Please, just do it now.
拜托 现在就扔掉
I can't.
我没办法
I'm so sorry.
太抱歉了
when I'm done with these clients,
等我这儿客户走了
I'll call Luke and Leon.
我会给卢克和利昂打电话
I know I can talk them into it.
我肯定会说服他们的
We are not losing this house to Luke and Leon.
我们可不能把这房子让给卢克和利昂
What do you mean, "Call luke and leon"?
你说给他俩打电话是什么意思
Aren't you at home?
你不在家的吗
No, I left right before you did.
不在 你走之前我就走了
Phil, the house... The--the kids...
菲尔 我们家 那些娃
Oh, god, the squirrel.
天呐 那松鼠
Hello?
We'll take it.
我们要了
Commission...
佣金
[《碟中谍》中任务完成的固定用语--Mission Accomplished]
Accomplished.
到手
So how great is your life right now, huh?
你现在的生活多美好啊
A new house, a new baby,
新房子 新宝宝
Stefan's propecia's kicking in.
斯特凡的止秃药也开始起效了
That's him. He's on his way.
是他的短信 他在路上了
He texted "O.M.W."
他短信里写的"路上"
We try to keep our texts short
我们带着孩子开车的时候
when we're driving with the baby.
总是尽量保持短信简洁
Oh, well, what wonderful parents you are.
哇噻 你俩真是好家长
You guys hate us a little bit, don't you?
你们一定有点嫉恨我们吧
- No. God, no. - Just a little.
-没 哪会啊 -有那么点
Have you thought about surrogacy?
你们考虑过代孕吗
At least you'd be making a baby
自己造个婴儿
instead of waiting around for some pregnant mom
至少要比等着哪个孕妇
to maybe pick you.
来选你们要好些
Well, we considered it,
我们倒是考虑过
But how do you decide which one will--where's Lily?
可是我们不知道怎么决定谁来... 莉莉呢
- Sleeping. - Ice the cupcake.
-睡觉呢 -给"蛋糕"上"糖霜"[受孕]
That you couldn't say in front of Lily?
这有什么不能在莉莉面前说的
Well, then, she'd want a cupcake. Yeah, well...
听到这话她就会想要吃蛋糕
But that's the beauty of the swirl.
混捐的好处就在这
The swirl?
混捐
You both donate, they mix it up,
夫夫二人同时捐精 然后混在一起
Fertilize the egg.
让卵细胞受精
You never know who the father is.
谁都不知道亲爹是谁
Ooh. That's Stefan.
斯特凡来了
Yeah, maybe we should think about this swirl.
我们是不是该考虑下混捐
Well, I-I didn't think surrogacy was for us.
那个 我觉得代孕不适合我俩
But, you know, 'cause one of us would feel left out.
总有一个人 会有种被排挤在外的感觉
Yeah, but if you don't know whose it is...
可是如果不知道谁是亲爹的话
Sorry we're late.
抱歉我们迟到了
Guys, meet Roco.
同志们 来认识一下罗可
Roco or Cocoa?
罗可还是可可啊[茶色]
[暗示孩子的生父很明显是有色人种的斯特凡混捐属于自欺欺人]
Look at him out there.
看他在球场上
Oh, ay. This is so exciting.
太刺激了
Go ahead! Attaboy!
加油冲啊 漂亮
- Go! Go ahead! Attaboy! - Go, Manny! Run!
-冲啊 往前冲 -跑啊曼尼 跑啊
I knew Gloria would find out I lied about those tickets.
我知道歌洛莉亚会发现我向她撒谎了
But I figured when she saw Manny out there,
可是我觉得 等她看见曼尼在球场上
playing with all those other kids,
跟其他孩子开开心心地玩
she'd thank me.
她会感谢我的
That's what I figured.
那是我想象中的美事
Go! Go!
快跑 快跑
What the hell's he doing?
他干嘛呢这是
Run, Manny! Run!
跑啊曼尼 跑啊
Mom! Number 100!
妈妈 第100个硬币
Now we have the lucky--oh!
我们现在运气足够了
Oh, thank god.
谢天谢地
Nobody's dead.
没人死掉
Or... We're all dead.
也可能 我们都死了
How many plates did we lose?
损失了多少盘子
None. Luke and Haley used cookie sheets
一个都没坏 卢克和海莉用饼干烤盘
to clear a path through the marbles for me.
在一地玻璃弹中给我清理了一条路出来
Where are the marbles?
玻璃弹呢
Right here.
在这呢
Oh, Haley!
海莉
I put glue on them so it doesn't happen again.
我在里面灌了胶水 以后不会再倒出来了
What about the chair?
椅子呢
Leon and I rolled it outside on some skateboards.
利昂和我用滑板把它推到外边去了
The squirrel?
松鼠呢
You think I was going to let that happen?
你觉得我会允许那种荒唐事发生吗
These kids are going to survive.
那些孩子离开父母也会活得好好的
They are the best of me and Phil.
他们集我和菲尔的优点于一身
Luke using the skateboards, Haley gluing the marbles--
卢克利用了滑板 海莉把弹珠全粘起来
That is pure Phil.
完全遗传了菲尔
Alex keeping everyone in line--
艾丽克斯让一切保持井然有序
Pure me.
完全遗传了我
Sometimes I worry no one's gonna like Alex.
有时候我真担心会没人喜欢艾丽克斯
There you go, buddy.
好了 小老弟
Thank you.
谢谢
What? You need anything? I'll get it.
怎么了 需要什么东西 我给你拿
Steak sauce, but it's okay.
牛排酱 不过没关系
It's probably good for me to move around.
我活动活动可能更好
Oh, Jay, it's so nice to see you take care of him like that.
杰 看见你这么照顾他可真温馨
Why are you surprised? He's our kid.
这有什么好惊讶的 他是我们儿子
We take care of each other in this family.
我们家的人就是要互相照顾
I want to kill you.
我想灭了你
Wild guess--Margo?
让我猜猜 玛戈告的密
Let me explain.
听我解释
There is no excuse.
你别找借口
This is something private. I'm gonna get outta here.
父母间的私人恩怨 我还是回避为好
So that's why you were being so nice.
所以你才表现得那么好
You lied to my friend...
你骗我的朋友
you made Manny play the american football...
你让曼尼去踢橄榄球
it is your fault that he got estamped.
他被人撞成这样都是你害的
Or is it your fault?
该说是你的错吧
He stopped to pick up a penny, for god sake.
他停下来去捡一枚硬币 真让人大跌眼镜
Be careful what you say, Jay.
小心说话 杰
You're skating on thin eggshells right now.
你现在的状态岌岌可危
I tried to get him out there
我只是想让他走出家门
With kids his own age...
和他同龄人一起玩
Which is what he should be doing...
他这个年纪就该如此
And not spending another afternoon with his mommy.
而不是一下午都陪在他妈咪身旁
If you have a problem with the way manny's being raised,
你要是对曼尼的教育方法有意见
You talk to me!
你就跟我明说
- I am. - I don't wanna hear it!
-我不正在说嘛 -我不想听
Phil, you really didn't have to do this.
菲尔 你真的用不着这样
I sold a house today because of you two.
我今天能卖掉那房子多亏了你们
The least I can do is buy you dinner.
请你们吃顿饭是最起码的了
I saw that house. It is gorgeous.
我看过那房子 漂亮极了
- I know. - We're real happy for them.
-我知道 -我们真为他们高兴
They showed me a picture of the baby.
他们给我看了他们家孩子的照片
How adorable is that little guy?
那小家伙多萌啊
Yes, we're real happy for them.
是的 我们真为他们高兴
Okay, you might wanna slow down there.
行了 你该悠着点喝了
What? I'm playing a new drinking game.
怎么了 我在玩一种新型酒桌游戏
It's called "Every time I'm depressed, I take a drink."
叫做 "郁闷在心头 美酒喝进口"
That game exists.
还真有那种游戏
It's called alcoholism.
叫做酗酒
Oh, I'm sorry, you're right. I'm...
抱歉 你说得对
I'm wallowing, and it's not cute.
我在自我沉沦 那一点都不好
To happier things.
敬高兴点的事
Yes. To happier things.
没错 敬高兴点的事
- Happier things, - Yes. - There you go.
-高兴点的事 -对 -举杯
I remember the first few drinks...
我还记得喝前几杯时的事
And, um, after that, the night's just bits and pieces.
但是后来嘛 就只有支离破碎的记忆了
I wanna do something I never do--
我要干一件我以前从没干过的事
Brag about my kids.
显摆我家的孩子们
Today, they were resourceful,
今天 他们又聪明
They were responsible, they...
又有责任感 他们
Put 40% down.
降价四成
It was worth showing the house five times
带他们看5次房其实也是值得的
And waiting...
等待着...
Almost a year.
一年的等待
Seriously! Who do you have to...
开什么玩笑 谁他妈要...
Blow. That's really hot.
吹 那真的挺烫的
[Blow另意吹"箫" Hot另意"性感"]
Why don't you let it cool down? Try some of the...
你为什么不把它凉一凉 尝点这个
Mexican!
墨西哥裔
The baby is clearly mexican!
那孩子明显是墨西哥种
So, you know, the swirl is out.
所以 混捐不行 完全是自欺欺人
Ugh. It's enough to make you lose...
那简直让人想...
Track.
我想想
Is this my fourth drink?
这是我第4杯吗
It's my fourth.
是我第4杯
I said "Four" Twice, didn't I?
我是不是说了两遍第4杯
I did, didn't I?
我说了 是不是
I think we're gonna need four cabs...
我想我们得需要四辆出租
- Two! - Two! You made me!
-两辆 - 两辆 都是你害我的
I-I vaguely remember... Someone crying?
我 我貌似记得 有人还哭了
If we ever did surrogacy,
如果我们找代孕妈妈
I would want you to be the donor.
我想让你来捐精
You're so smart, you're so handsome.
你那么聪明 还那么帅
Oh, stop it! It should be you!
别说了 应该是你捐啦
- You're so fun! You're so talented! - Okay.
-你那么风趣又有才华 -好了啦
It's not fair. I love you both so much.
真不公平啊 我好爱你们夫夫啊
If you could have a baby
如果你们要小孩
that was a mix of the two of you,
如果他是你们俩的结合
I would love that baby so much.
我会非常爱那个宝宝的
That is so sweet.
你嘴真甜
- I meant it. - That is so sweet.
-我是说真的 -你真好
Oh, my god. You guys, we could do this.
天啊 伙计们 我们可以这么干
We could do this.
我们可以的
We could make a baby
我们可以生一个
that is half Tucker and half Pritchett.
融合塔克家和普里契特家血统的孩子
Are you saying what I think you're saying?
你说的和我想的是一个意思吗
Yeah.
Cloning?
克隆吗
No. No.
不是 不是
I'm saying...
我是说
I give the egg.
我捐出卵子
Yeah.
是的
I give the egg. That's the Pritchett side.
我捐卵子 这不就有普里契特血统了吗
And then, Cam, you're the father, right?
然后小卡 你就捐出精子 对不
And then we just, like, mix it
然后 就 融合一下
And put it in a, like, a surrogate lady thing,
然后就把它放进代孕妈妈的肚子里
And then bang! We have a baby.
然后砰 宝宝就有了
Oh. Are--are you serious?
你是认真的吗
You would do that?
你愿意那么做吗
I would be honored.
我会甚感荣幸的
You guys, you guys, if there's one thing I have learned today,
二位 如果说我今天学到了什么的话
It's the pleasure of looking at your children,
那就是看着你们的宝宝
And seeing both-- both of you in there.
然后从他身上看见你们俩的影子
And I want you to have that experience.
而且我愿意让你们经历这种事情
Yeah. We want that.
是的 我们期盼已久
And something else...
还有更好的呢
guys, I make really good babies.
伙计们 我生的娃超棒的
- Yes. - I have, like, magic eggs or something.
-是 -我好像有什么魔法卵子什么的
- Yes! - They're golden.
-是 -真是金牌卵子啊
Oh, gosh. Oh, Phil,
天啊 菲尔啊
I don't--what do-- what do you say about this?
我真 我真不知道该说什么好了
I think we're all having a baby!
我觉得孩子将会是我们大家的
Aah! Table hug!
来个桌抱
Sweet potato fries!
亲娘的七舅老爷啊
- What have I done? - I know.
-我都干了什么啊 -我知道
What was I thinking?
我当时想什么呢啊
I-I-I just get drunk and I bring a baby into the world?
我 我 我喝醉了然后就要生个娃了
That would be 4 for 4.
那你就会生第4个孩子 我们4个人的孩子
I can't go through with it.
我绝对不能那样
Don't panic. You haven't donated anything yet.
别慌 你还啥都没捐呢
Besides, what are the chances your eggs even work?
况且 你的卵子还有活力吗
What are the chances we can pretend I never said that?
或者我们干脆不承认说过那些
It's weird. It's my brother.
那太诡异了 那是我弟弟啊
And then there would be this baby over there
然后就会有一个小孩出生
That's my baby, but it's not my baby...
是我的卵子发育的 却又不是我生出来的
That actually sounds good. Just say that.
听着不错 你就这么说就行
We're gonna see him for brunch in two hours over at your dad's
再过两小时 我们去你爸家吃早午餐就会看见他了
Ooh. That seems... Soon
那好像有点 太早[快]了吧
And--and hard.
而且很难面对
What if... What if I blame it on you?
如果我拿你当挡箭牌怎么样
What if we say that you're not okay with it?
如果我说是你不同意行不
- No! - Why?
-不行 -为什么
Are you really okay with another man fertilizing your wife's egg?
你真不介意另一个男人给你妻子的卵子受精吗
- Of course not! That's creepy. - Yes.
-当然介意 听着都恶心 -就是
Plus, what if you and Cam make a better baby than we did?
况且 万一你和小卡生出了更优质的孩子
It's settled. Phil says "No."
不会发生的 菲尔说了"不"
Like they're really gonna believe that I overruled you?
你以为他们会相信 你顺从了我的否决吗
- Right. - Come on.
-也是 -对吧
They're gonna be crushed.
他们会心碎的
They've waited so long for this baby.
他们盼个孩子盼了好久
Maybe they're having second thoughts, too.
也许他们现在也想反悔了呢
Look--this is what my baby with Claire would look like.
看看 这是我和克莱尔的宝宝的样子
What is this? What...
这是什么玩意儿
Okay, well, I found a web site where couples can upload pictures...
我找到一个网站 父母可以上传自己的照片
and then it shows them what their baby would look like.
然后它能合成宝宝的照片
This is... Gloria and I.
这是歌洛莉亚和我的孩子
Couldn't resist.
无法抗拒吧
Wow. That-- that looks exactly like Manny.
天呐 简直是曼尼的翻版嘛
Like--like weirdly so.
简直是像得诡异
What--what's this other picture?
另一张是什么
Don't be jealous.
别吃醋
But this...
这张
[著名性感男星]
is me and Justin Timberlake.
是我和贾斯汀·汀布莱克的孩子
Cam, we have a problem.
小卡 我们有个问题
Oh, what? You can talk about Ryan Gosling all day,
怎么了 你能天天念叨瑞恩·高斯林
- but the moment I say something-- - No, no, no,
-而我刚说一两句 -不不不
About this baby. I...
关于这个孩子 我
I don't think I can do it.
我觉得我不能接受这样做
What--why? Why--it's perfect!
什么 为什么 这样很棒
It's our chance to have a baby that's part me, part you!
我们能有个同时拥有我们两个人基因的孩子
No, no! It's part you and part Claire.
不不 是你和克莱尔的基因
I'm nowhere in there.
没我的份儿
And it's not like I can pretend.
而且我不能忽略的事实是
It's--she's not some egg donor that we don't know.
她不是什么陌生的卵子捐赠者
It's Claire.
她是克莱尔
You know, we see her all the time.
我们抬头不见低头见的
And what are we supposed to tell the baby?
我们以后要怎么告诉那个孩子
"Say hi to your aunt mommy!"
向你的姑"妈"问好
- Adorable. - No, not adorable.
-多可爱 -不 一点儿也不可爱
Appalachian.
绝对不行
Okay, I'm--I'm sorry, Cam.
对不起 小卡
Jay says that I'm smothering Manny...
杰说我太黏着曼尼了
But I'm just enjoying him.
但我只是太喜欢他了
I mean, they're only gonna be boys for a short time.
我是说 他们还能孩子多久呢
Best time ever in this house!
这房子里最棒的经历
I'm uncomfortable with this, Phil.
菲尔 我不太喜欢这样
The manual specifically says "No towing."
使用手册上特意指出"禁止推拉"
There are two types of people in this world--
这个世界上有两种人
people who follow the manual,
一种喜欢遵循使用手册
and people who stick it to the manual.
另一种则喜欢亲自动手操作
You... are hurt.
你 被"伤"了
Manny, what happened?
曼尼 发生什么了
Football injury.
橄榄球伤
My mom will yell you all about it.
我妈会嚷嚷着告诉你的
Hola, Lily!
你好 莉莉
Does my little princess want a cookie?
我亲爱的小公主想吃小饼干吗
Oh, well, you know, maybe just one.
就一小块吧
She's already had her sugar limit for today.
她今天糖分摄入已经达到上限了
How can you tell?
你怎么知道
[服用糖分过多会导致亢奋]
Okay, Lily.
好吧 莉莉
Hey, you two.
嘿 小两口
So where-- oh, where are the kids?
孩子们都到哪儿去了
Oh, Haley's driving them over separately.
海莉一会儿载他们来
Oh! Big girl now.
大姑娘了哟
- That's great. - Yeah
-挺好的 -是
So that was... so fun last night.
昨晚真开心
- So fun. - Yeah, we had a great night.
-相当开心 -是的 昨晚很愉快
Yes.
是的
We should--
我们要
Jinx!
别说
Yeah, we're going this way, so...
我们要走这边
We'll see you in a bit.
等会儿见
I cannot tell them.
我没法开口
I cannot break their hearts.
我不能伤他们的心
So you're gonna have Cam's baby just to keep things from being weird?
就因为怕尴尬 你要和小卡生孩子吗
Um, what?
怎么回事
You and Uncle Cam are having a baby?
你和小卡舅夫要生个孩子吗
Kids, shh.
孩子们 小声点
There was a discussion about the possibility
我们是讨论过关于
of your mom donating an egg
让你妈妈捐赠卵子
so that the guys could have a baby.
让他们能有自己的孩子这件事
But we decided it was not a good idea.
但是我们觉得这不是一个好主意
Why? Because Lily's such a mess?
为什么 因为莉莉是个小怪胎吗
For a lot of reasons.
有很多原因
- They have-- - But we can agree that she's a disastrous human being?
-他们有 -但我们都同意她是个小祸害吧
I think it's a great idea.
我觉得这主意不错
Yeah. It's a really beautiful offer, mom. I'm impressed.
对 是个贴心的礼物 妈妈 很有创意
Oh, my god. Cam, they told the kids already,
天呐 小卡 他们已经告诉孩子们了
And they seem to be totally into it.
他们看上去很期待
All right, is it just me?
好吧 难道只有我吗
Am I the only one that thinks this is weird?
只有我一个人觉得怪怪的吗
Maybe it's not weird.
或许一点都不怪
Maybe we're pioneers.
说不定我们是勇敢的先锋呢
No, we're hardly pioneers.
不 我们才不是勇敢的先锋
You have three different hair dryers for different types of weather.
你有三个不同的吹风机 以备不同的天气下使用
Maybe it's just gonna take some time to get used to the idea.
也许你需要一些时间来接受那个想法
- What idea? - Oh. No.
-什么想法 -没什么
Um, well, Jay...
- Cam. - Claire has--
-小卡 -克莱尔已经
No. I-I-I just don't think
不 我 我觉得
my dad's really ready for this conversation. So...
我爸还没准备好接受那个设想 所以
Oh, stop acting like I'm some stodgy old coot. I've grown.
别总觉得我是个老顽固 我已经进步了
Okay.
好吧
Um, Jay, Claire has, um, offered to give us one of her eggs
杰 克莱尔同意捐赠她的卵子给我们
so we can have a baby
这样我们将会有个
that's half Pritchett, half Tucker.
一半普里契特一半塔克血统的孩子
That's unnatural. I'm against it.
那简直是违背自然规律 我反对
Oh, surprise, surprise. Jay is against something.
大事件 大事件 杰提出反对意见了
Cam and Claire wanna have a baby together.
小卡和克莱尔想生个孩子
You're not gonna do that.
你们不能那样做
It's not your decision, dad.
那不该由你来做决定 爸爸
You're not thinking straight.
你根本就是欠考虑
And you're not in charge. Okay, Claire and I are adults.
根本不该由你说了算 克莱尔和我是成年人
If--if we want this to happen, it--it's gonna happen.
如果我们都同意这么做 这事就算定了
So much for second thoughts.
看来想反悔也迟了
Young lady, I need to have a talk with you.
小姑娘 我要和你谈谈
- I don't... - No.
-算了吧 -不行
You don't get to tell everyone how to live their lives,
你没权利对别人的生活指手画脚
that boys cannot spend time with their mommies
什么小男生不能和妈咪一起玩
or that brothers and sisters can't make babies.
姐姐和弟夫不能生孩子
- So you're all for this? - No.
-你同意他们瞎胡闹吗 -不
It's a freak show, but it's their freak show.
那有违天理伦常 可那是他们的事
So this is happening again?
往事又重演了吗
Well, I'm not gonna not do it
我才不会因为我爸觉得
'cause my dad thinks I shouldn't.
不该做 我就不去做
You know, I'm not following.
我不太明白
We're not doing it 'cause I don't want to do it.
就算真不做 那也得是我不想做
What we're not doing
我们不去做
is not doing it 'cause he doesn't want us to do it.
不能因为他不让我们做 我们才不做
Just say baby or no baby.
要不要孩子一句话吧
Isn't it enough this family spends a lot of time together?
是不是嫌我们这家人还不够亲密
Now we have to inbreed.
现在还得搞个近亲繁殖
Okay, dad, it's not technically inbreeding. It's, um...
爸 这并不是近亲繁殖 而是...
For the record, I think what my mom is doing is very brave.
我得说句 我觉得我妈这样做太勇敢了
I like it.
我喜欢这想法
I've always kind of wanted a half-brother, half-cousin.
我一直想要个半弟弟半表弟什么的
Really? "Always"?
真的吗 一直想要
Well, I mean, if you think about it...
如果你好好想想
When was the last time we talked under a table?
我们上次桌下会晤是什么时候
Dad and Gloria's wedding reception.
老爸和歌洛莉亚的婚宴上
Oh, yeah.
对哦
I love you. You know that...
我爱你 你知道的
but I can't do this.
但我做不到
No, no, neither can I!
我也一样做不到
- Really? - Yeah.
-是吗 -没错
Are you serious? You can't--oh, god.
说真的吗 你也不愿...天啊
I'm so relieved. I'm sorry.
真是松了口气 抱歉
I-I-I...
我...
I am so sorry I led us down this road.
真抱歉我把大家卷进一团乱麻里
No, no. No, Claire, don't be. Don't be.
克莱尔 不用抱歉
It was--it was generous and thoughtful, just like you.
其实这想法既无私又周到 典型的你
How could I not want those qualities in my child?
我真心希望自己的孩子有这些优点
Oh, come here.
抱抱
So this is really happening?
真的是要近亲繁殖了吗
Ah. What if it is, dad?
如果是又怎样 爸
Yeah. What if we love each other,
就是 我们这是姐弟情深
and this is a beautiful thing?
很感人的好吧
- Okay, it's our decision. It's not yours. - Yeah.
-这是我们的决定 不关你事 -就是
So baby? No baby?
要不要孩子一句话
No.
不要
You okay?
你没事吧
Oh, yeah. I'm fine.
我很好
Mm, I know it's been hard on you.
我知道你心里不舒服
Hey, what if we went out for a nice dinner tonight?
不如我俩今晚出去吃顿大餐吧
Oh, that'd be fun. Should I call the sitter?
挺好 那我打电话叫临时保姆
Yeah. Oh, you know what I was thinking today?
知道我今天心里的人选吗
What about Luke?
卢克怎么样
Oh, he's so good with her,
他俩可要好了
the way he looks at her...
瞧见他望她的眼神没
My god, Cam.
天呐 小卡
Oh, look, she's organizing her things.
瞧 她在整理自己的东西
Look at how she's dressed.
看她穿的衣服
We didn't make her, but she sure is us.
虽然不是亲生 但却超像咱们
Hey, Lily, honey, it might make more sense with the shoes...
莉莉宝贝 如果你把鞋子放在...
Mitchell.
米奇尔
I like what she did with the dolls--
她这样摆弄娃娃真有爱
Play as you will. Play as you will.
想怎么玩儿怎么玩儿
The big one, remember?
大枚的 记得吗
One of the first ones we found.
最早发现的之一
It was at the bottom of the gutter in the street.
在街边的水沟里
Ay, yes.
是啊
We put the gum at the bottom of your walking stick.
我们把香口胶黏在你的拐杖上捡到的
Ay, look at this one-- the green one,
看这个 绿色的
The one we found at the floor of my taxi.
在我的计程车里捡到的
- Your taxi? - Yes.
-你的计程车 -正是
Before I had somebody running my life for me,
在我的生活富足之前
I used to drive a taxi at night.
我是个夜间计程车司机
Manny would sleep in the seat next to me.
曼尼就睡在我旁边的座位上
One time, I had to hit the brakes so hard
有一次 我猛踩刹车
that he fell into the floor and he found the penny.
他一头栽了下来 发现了这枚硬币
Pretty lucky, huh?
很幸运吧
Eight years. I can't believe we're finally done.
八年了 真不敢相信终于集齐了
Me, either.
我也不敢相信
Come. Let's go get your lottery ticket.
走吧 我们去买彩票
Gloria.
歌洛莉亚
I think you made a mistake here.
我想你犯了个错误
What did I do now?
我做错什么了
I counted these, and you've only got 96 pennies.
我数过了 只有96枚硬币
Are you sure?
你确定吗
Afraid so.
恐怕是的
I guess you're gonna have to keep lookin'.
看来你得继续收集了
Dang it! I counted those.
见鬼 我数过了
See for yourself.
你自己数数吧
And now we upload your picture.
现在上传你的照片
This is fun. This is fun.
有意思 有意思
And in just a few short moments,
稍微等一下
thanks to the magic of technology...
拜神奇高科技所赐
We'll know what our baby actually looks--
我们就会知道咱俩的孩子长啥样
- Oh! No! - What happened? What is that?
-不要 -怎么回事 这什么东西
Did you put one of us in upside-down?
你是把谁的照片传反了吗
No! That's actually--
没有 这真是...
Okay, I-I don't want to see this anymore.
别让我再看到这个
Ohh. Turn it off.
快关掉
Oh, it's not turning off.
关不掉
Well, throw something over it! That--oh, god!
快拿东西遮住 我的妈呀
Yeah, well, we played god, and look what we brought forth.
我们扮演上帝的角色私自造人 瞧瞧可怕的后果吧
Daddies, what are you looking at?
爸爸 你们在看什么
Maybe it wasn't that bad.
可能没那么糟
No, no, it's possible that we overreacted.
可能是我们反应过激了
Yeah. Maybe our expectations were just a little bit too high.
对 可能是我们期望过高
That little guy had some cute features. Huh?
那小家伙其实还有几分可爱
Of course he did. It's us. It can't be that bad.
当然了 我俩的结合 不可能太糟
Let's just take--
再瞄一眼