This week, the world lost a great man,
and I lost a mentor.
For nearly 60 years, Professor Ringmaster Al Uzielli
helped young hopefuls like me find their clown persona.
It's a very prestigious title at clown college.
One step below Piemaster General.
Okay, guys, it's just us.
好了 各位 就咱们吧
Hey, how come you guys haven't accepted my friend requests?
I didn't know you were on facebook.
Yeah. You said it was only for teenagers
and people looking to have affairs.
Well, I figured if you can't fight it...
not the having the affair. That's still bad.
No. Not that, but there's nothing wrong with catching up
不 不是那个 可想和老朋友叙叙旧
with a few old friends, right?
Or doing a little social networking with by B.F.F.S?
Social networking or social not-working?
Oh! You know what we gotta do?
We gotta get a picture of us all together on a boat.
I think that's a thing now.
So what do you say? Accept my friend thingy.
Sorry, mom, I-I didn't get a friend thingy from you.
Yeah, you know, they have a lot of blocks on there
to protect kids from weirdos.
Mm. Okay. Good, good. I'll send it again.
好吧 好吧 我会再发一次的
- Great. - Please do.
We got her request the first time, but ignored it.
I can't have her on there snooping around
seeing what I'm doing at parties.
Or posting pictures of us on family vacations
wearing old, dorky clothes.
What? What's wrong with this?
Dad, check it out. I made one giant Oreo.
Luke, what are you doing?
You gotta eat it like it's an ear of corn.
- Wow. New suit? - New everything.
-哇 新西装啊 -一切都是新的
Kids, gather 'round. It's time for a life lesson.
孩子们 围过来 人生讲座的时间到了
Aren't we already gathered?
Let me tell you something.
Hard work, determination, and perseverance always win out.
努力 决心 坚持 就是成功三秘诀
I am living proof that nice guys can finish first.
Today I have a chance to get the biggest listing of my career.
Oh, I have never seen this man so focused.
I'm like a boxer before the big fight.
That's why I didn't have sex with Claire last night.
Mm. It's--it's okay.
But as soon as I get this listing--ding!
不过只要我拿到了代理 马上就能 顶
Let's just stop. Stop.
What? I'm scratching.
Is it okay if I have a friend come over tomorrow?
Who? Reuben? Or the nervous one that gets the nosebleed?
谁 罗本吗 还是一紧张就流鼻血的那个
It's Griffin Cooper.
Griffin Cooper is, by far,
the coolest kid in Manny's grade.
He's a terrific athlete, he's confident.
Manny's a great kid, sure, but he's not exactly cool.
当然 曼尼也是个好孩子 可是他算不上酷
He can't even open a door cool.
Salutations, Wyatt. I'm so glad you're joining me
您好啊 怀亚特 真高兴你能来和我共度
for an afternoon of mirth.
Ah, good evening, Reuben-san.
May I ask you to remove your shoes?
Tonight, we are going Japanese.
*（）&……*……&……*（）* Ah! Hebalaboo ridabeley lai mubay rumboo.
I invented a new language this morning.
When did you guys become buddies?
Was it a football game in the yard?
- You made a great catch? - No, that didn't happen.
-你接了个好球吗 -不 没有那种事
But the librarian told me one day I'll be a great catch.
I'm really not getting that relationship.
Why can't you just be happy that Manny's making new friends?
No. 'cause it doesn't add up.
Cool kids like Griffin Cooper--
They don't hang out with kids like Manny.
Manny's very cool.
Maybe those kids are finally catching up to him.
Wait a minute. I get it.
Couple of days last week,
I took Manny to school on my motorcycle.
Griffin must think I'm pretty boss.
Yes, Jay. It's all because of you.
没错 杰 都是冲着你来的
Kids are looking for role models.
Why do you think Fonzie was so popular?
He told people that they were rich,
but really took their money with his scheme?
Those people were victims of a Fonzie scheme.
You gettin' ready for your one-woman show?
Mitzi Roth-- a notorious poacher
in the world of high-end residential real estate.
[取自电影《A Nightmare on Elm Street猛鬼街]
We call her the "Nightmare on Elm Street,"
Because she sold a lot of houses on Elm Street.
What are you doing here, Mitzi?
I have an appointment. This is my listing.
Oh, I didn't think that was dotted line yet, jazz hands.
No worries. I may have an interested buyer.
I'll bring him to you.
Okay, but could you come back later?
I really need to have them to myself right now.
Oh, yeah, okay. I completely understand.
好的 没问题 我完全理解
- Okay, thanks. - You're welcome.
What are you doing?
- Hello? - Oh, it's Mitzi Roth.
-喂 -喂 我是米茨·罗斯
- And Phil Dunphy. - I may have a prospective buyer
for your beautiful house.
- I was wondering if maybe I could come in... - Hey, Stan! Hey, Patti!
-请问能否让我进屋 -嘿 斯坦 嘿 帕蒂
and just have a look for a little while.
- We've got a lot to talk about. - Come on in.
I'm wondering if maybe we shouldn't be alone for this.
Go back to condos, Dunphy.
Oh, my god! This place is absolutely gorgeous.
- You are in such good hands with Phil. - Hey.
I mean, fingers crossed, though.
You know, so many new companies go belly-up.
- Terrible. - Well, good to-- good to see you, Mitzi.
-糟透了 -好吧 米茨 你可以走了
- Guys, how are you? - Oh, no. No, no, it's fine.It's fine.
-你们好 -没事没事 不用走
Come and take a look.
- Thank you. - Mitzi, please!
-谢谢 -米茨 别捣乱
Mitzi, please! Please!
米茨 求你了 求你了
- What are you doing? - Oh, my god! He shoved me!
-你这是干嘛 -老天啊 他推我
- What?! - He shoved me!
- For god sakes! Phil! - Oh, my god!
-菲尔 你搞毛啊 -天啊
I thought you had your anger problem under control!
I don't have an anger...
I don't--anger problem.
I don't have an anger problem.
Whoa. Hey. It's over? What the hell?
慢着 喂 就完了 搞什么啊
You're an hour late.
Huh. Good to see you, too, chuckleberry.
Look at that. Your oversized pants are starting to fit.
I was one half of the renowned clown duo
Fizbo & Lewis.
In children's parties.
Anyway, I disbanded the group shortly after I met Mitchell.
It's hard to have a relationship and a clown career.
That's the reason there are so many single clowns.
Just one of the reasons.
Anyway, um, Lewis hasn't spoken to me since.
He's still bitter, and I don't blame him.
It's kind of like I broke up the Beatles.
Of children's parties.
What do you say we hit a bar?
Tip a few back to Al, huh?
I heard you were in jail.
Yeah? I heard you're still doing that lame giant scissors bit,
You blue-haired hack.
- I'll go. - I'll go.
Just give me a minute. I gotta redo my lips.
All right. Cerveza.
What about you, Fizzy?
You gonna come or you gonna break up this party, too?
Hey, shotgun, bitches!
喂 上车吧 傻逼们
I should, you know, probably go.
- You know, for--for Al. - Oh, yeah, no, of course.
-你懂的 为了艾尔 -当然
But, hey, listen, don't let him get to you, all right?
不过 别让他为难你 好吗
No. It's fine. It's all seltzer under the bridge.
没事儿 一切都已经过去了 只是喝杯酒
Just one drink, and then I'll be home.
Okay. Just drive me home first?
No, you, uh, you--you take the car.
I, uh, I'll go with the guys.
In that tiny car? How are you all possibly gonna...
It's 5:00 in the morning.
Lily, honey, what are you doing up?
Are you just getting home?
Yeah, things got a little out of hand.
Somebody had a flower that squirted tequila.
What do you mean "Somebody"? I want full credit.
Teach me to juggle!
be aware of where everything is at all times.
And don't forget the importance of balance! Oh!
Okay. Okay. Come on.
好了 好了 别闹了
I think I cracked my eggs.
We're out of eggs?
And I haven't eaten in five days!
Five days! Are you cereal?
Lily, don't ever do that.
Okay. You two are deliberately not confirming me.
Everybody else has accepted my facebook requests--
Your father, uncle Mitchell...
That's right. Adele has agreed to be my friend,
And my own daughters haven't.
Yeah, you may just be a fan of Adele, and--
What is so private that I can't possibly see it?
Nothing. You just don't want to be my friend.
Great. I can see my next status update--
"My daughters are monsters."
You're not gonna believe this.
Mitzi got the listing.
Oh, no, honey. That's awful.
She cheated, she lied, and she won.
她使阴招 说瞎话 无耻取胜
Kids, gather 'round.
Again, we are gathered.
You wanna get ahead? Don't play by the rules.
Turns out nice guys finish last
In this cold, dog-eat-dog world.
It's not fair. Why don't you play dirty, too?
You could take her down.
Honey, 'cause your dad is a better man than that.
He has values and morals and--
Well, just off the top of my head,
You could take my spy pen and record her admitting what she did.
And then you could play it for those people
So they realize what a jerk she is.
Your dad is never gonna
- do that-- - you're a regular chatterbox today!
- I got it! - Remember, pal, keep it simple.
-我来开门 -记住 小子 别太夸张
Griffin--legendary creature of greek mythology
With the head of a lion and wings of an eagle.
What'd you say, Jay?
Jay Pritchett. Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you, too.
You know, I, I saw a little of that basketball game of yours last week.
You were lightin' it up.
I was lighting it up, too, Jay.
Who's hot? We're hot!
Hola, Griffin. How are you?
好啊 格里芬 最近可好
So what do you boys have planned for today?
Well, it's kind of a surprise for Griffin,
But let's just say it involves decoupage.
- Oh, jeez. - Come on. Let's go.
-哦 天啊 -来吧 咱们走
- What? - You were right.
This boy is not here to see Manny.
I told you. You see the way he looks at me?
No, Fonzie, the way he looks at me.
少来 方茨 注意到他看我的眼神了吗
He couldn't talk. He kept staring.
He was just like my teachers back in school.
Gloria, you're very pretty.
But the kid idolizes me.
Do you want to go with Jay to ride his motorcycle,
Or you want to go with me to the supermarket
And buy a couple of onions?
Onions sound good.
Guess he has a thing for you, too.
Hey, I-I just finished cleaning the kitchen,
So if anyone has to do a spit take,
Please do it over the sink.
We felt really bad about that, so we got you a present.
What--what's the deal with this?
I open it up and snakes fly out, or a fire?
No, we just know that you like to read.
Yeah. So open it.
No. No. That's exactly what I expected.
'member, when I told you?
Okay. Look, it's almost go time,
So we should have a shot and go white up.
I'm sor--excuse me. "White up"?
Oh, yeah. Lewis got a call to do a birthday party this afternoon,
So we're gonna put the old act back together.
Yeah, Fizbo & Lewis, together again.
对 菲兹宝和路易斯 二丑归来
And they said it would never happen.
Could I talk to you for a second?
Uh-oh. Trouble in queer-a-dise.
Okay, look, gonna go out to the car for smokes.
Please tell me "Smokes" is not another clown,
'cause I don't think I could handle another one of him.
Oh, Lewis is not that bad.
Well, what do you see in that guy, Cam?
I don't know. Maybe the fact that
he doesn't roll his eyes every time I talk about the art of clowning...
He may have had his faults
but we were great together.
We had an unspoken language.
We finished each other's balloon animals.
But you would never know,
Because you have never been to one of our performances.
You hate my clown side.
No. No. No. I don't hate it.
Just admit it. I basically already know you do.
Okay. Okay. Cards on the table.
好吧 好吧 把话挑明了
- It's not my favorite thing that you-- -Oh, how dare you?
I am a clown. It's who I am!
If you squeeze me, do I not honk?
Oh, like I had a choice!
What are you doing here?
Hey, um, I-I brought you some... soup.
You know, I thought about it, and maybe I did push you.
那个 我想了想 可能我确实是推了你
So... how's the ankle?
Oh, come on, Dunphy. You know I flopped.
拜托 邓菲 你明知道我是假摔
Haven't you ever seen an NBA game?
Oh, I'm sorry. In your case, WNBA.
So that was all a ruse?
The oldest trick in the book.
You need to step up your game, son.
You know what? I almost feel sorry for you.
Come here. Give me a big hug.
No hard feelings, huh?
- None at all. - Good.
Because I just recorded your entire confession...
right here on my...
Second-oldest trick in the book.
Oh, god. A real man would have just poisoned the soup.
老天 你要是个爷们 就直接在汤里下毒了
Are we... done here?
Hey, mom. Guess what?
Griffin invited us all over to his house
for a pool party and barbecue tonight.
Yeah, and he said bring your swimsuits.
He was pretty adamant about it.
It's 50 degrees outside.
Great. I'll call him.
You know, you're basically agreeing to a date with a 13-year-old boy.
Jay, we use this go get us tables at restaurants,
杰 靠我的大胸 我们得以在餐厅订到位置
Why can't we use this to get Manny a friend?
Because he's not really getting a friend.
Oh, but when you thought that
he was trying to ride your motorcycle, it was okay.
Maybe now I don't like what he's trying to ride.
Manny likes Griffin.
Maybe someday, if they spend enough time together,
Griffin will like manny.
What? Griffin doesn't like me?
No, no, no, papi. He loves you.
不不 宝贝儿 他很喜欢你
But you just said someday Griffin will like me.
That means he doesn't like me now.
You know what, kid?
We think that Griffin might be hanging out with you
because he's got a little crush on your mother and me.
- On you? - Wow. I can't believe it.
-还有你 -哇 我简直不敢相信
- Listen, it's fine. You're gonna be fine. Okay? - I'm sorry.
-听着 这没什么 你会没事的 -真抱歉
Are you kidding? It's fantastic!
How is it fantastic?
I'm only hanging out with him
because I have the hots for his sister chloe.
You've met Griffin. The kid's a doorknob.
So you're just using him?
Yeah, and I felt really guilty about it until now.
是啊 而且直到刚才 我还觉得挺愧疚的
Now it's a win-win.
Just suck it up, mom.
I've done a lot for you over the years.
Jay, you, too. This girl could be the one.
Then I'm out of your hair forever.
Pool party, mom. Dress accordingly.
泳池派对哦 妈妈 穿着适当点
Can you help me reach that box of cereal?
Hey. You're Mitzi Roth.
I recognize you from your ads.
My dad's Phil Dunphy.
Why do you hate him so much?
It's just business, kid. It's not personal.
生意场上皆敌人 孩子 并不是针对你爸
Well, it's personal to us.
I've never seen my dad so worried before.
I have this spy pen,
and I heard him talking to my mom,
and he's scared about paying for my sister's college next year.
And I guess he's nervous about some kind of party,
Because he said there's a big balloon payment.
Anyways, he's like the best dad ever,
So maybe you could be a little nicer to him.
There you are, buddy.
Check it out. They're giving away free jelly beans.
You have a very nice kid there.
Hey, so I was thinking after, uh, little Fizbo,
We could do the ladder bit.
Ah, crap. I forgot the ladder.
You know, I'll remember it next weekend.
What's next weekend?
We got a town fair in Thousand Oaks
and a birthday party in Pasadena.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I-I can't do that.
W-what do you mean?
I'm the one with outstanding warrants in Pasadena.
We're taking Lily to the aquarium next weekend.
You know, Lewis, this was just a onetime thing, right?
路易斯 你知道合作仅此一次 对吗
What happened to "We're putting the act back together"?
Well, that was just for today.
- I'm--I'm sorry if you thought... - No, no, no.
You're a family man now.
Let's go out there and make this
the best show Fizbo & Lewis have ever done.
菲茨宝 & 路易斯秀史上最精彩的一场
You got it, partner.
Ladies and germs, boys and girls,
say hello to my good friend...
Hello, big people!
Let's get this party started!
Wow, all this dancing sure has made me hungry!
Wish I had something to eat!
Oh, forgot I had that fish over there.
Don't know why he's so mad at me!
He was fine just a minute ago.
Somebody's a little punchy today!
What's the frying pan doing here?
When did we add a frying pan to the act?
We don't need-- nope! Don't need the frying pan!
不需要 不 不需要煎锅
Why are you doing that? Stop doing that.
Screw you, you traitor.
Seriously, stop it!
Know what hurts? Abandonment.
Listen to 'em laughing. We could have been something.
We could have been some-- I can't do this bit by myself!
Somebody! Somebody! This isn't pretend!
来人啊 来人啊 这不是表演
Someone grab an adult, please!
Your kid forgot his cereal.
There's a surprise in every box.
Spoiler alert-- it's diabetes.
You drove all the way over here for this?
Okay, look, here's the deal.
You can have that listing if you want it.
- What? - Yeah, the couple are a real pain.
I'm too old for that kind of headache.
Just keep your mouth shut about it.
- Thank you so much. - I just said "Zip it"!
- Oh. You did. - Unbelievable.
-噢 是说过了 -真够白痴
I'm so sorry. But thank you.
Kids, gather 'round!
We are right here!
Let me tell you something-- people are fundamentally good.
The key is, you find that goodness deep within 'em.
and turn it to your advantage.
And... there she is.
What are you gonna hit?
College, balloon payment, greatest dad ever.
大学 气球付款 最好的老爸
Nice. Do you want me to squirt some tears in your eyes?
I was fake crying before I could walk.
How do you think I got out of eating all those salads?
Can you help me reach that box of cereal?
Oh, hey. You're Mitzi Roth, right?
嘿 你是米茨·罗斯 是吗
I recognize you from your ads.
I can't believe you got that listing back!
- Sweetheart! - Honey!
- Honey? - Mm-hmm?
You sure you wanna ding a chatterbox?
What's the trick to those fake tears?
The three stooges are all dead.
Yeah, that's good.
Well, it looks like somebody likes Coldplay.
Mm. Right. You saw.
Did you see the pictures I posted from thanksgiving?
I'm going to kill myself.
You gotta check out my wall. Right there.
"Spring break, 1990, New Orleans."
Some guy from your college tagged you in a picture.
What is "Tagging"? What is "Tagging"?
Why are drinking out of a funnel?
Why there's a hand...
Girls, I'm serious, untag it.
姑娘们 我说正经的 快取消圈人
Turn down the wall.