Oh Phil, honey you're still up.
Ok. How's this sound?
Mitchell, I love you very much,
not only love you but I admire you
and someday I hope to...
Are you firing him or proposing to him?
Honey, this was supposed to be a part-time job.
He was gonna be done in the summer anyway.
- Just be direct. - I should have warned him.
How do you tell someone
they have a reputation for being lazy?
Yeah. Yeah. He handed in a couple of contracts late,
but I didn't want to say anything
because he's practically doing this for free.
This isn't the face of a cold-blooded hatchet man.
Oh, I'm sorry. Did we wake you up?
I'm worried about tomorrow.
My art teacher acts like I don't exist,
but I have one last chance
to impress him at our year-end art fair.
A few students are doing living versions of famous paintings.
I've chosen this one, and I'm using my own family.
When I told him, he said, "That's nice, Alice."
It's been a year.
Honey, do you think you're nervous
because you've got a little crush on Mr. Jarvis?
- No. - Are you sure?
Because I've seen the way you look at him--
Sounds like you're the one with the crush! Mm.
I've just never had a teacher not like me before.
Well, Ms. Davis. Mm.
Please. She's a gym teacher.
She is to teaching what Dr. Seuss is to medicine.
And to think she didn't like you.
You? What's your problem?
Nothing. I'm just excited for tomorrow.
I'm getting a medal at school
because I put out a fire.
Maybe that's what I should be when I grow up...
A professional medal-getter.
Luke, what happened?
I was just walking by and I smelled flames.
We're not supposed to be in here.
Just keep a lookout!
We're ten seconds away from creating Luketonium.
- Oh, crap! - Look what you did!
Luke, what happened?
I was just walking by and I smelled flames.
Okay, guys, you're gonna be dragging tomorrow
好了 各位 再不上床睡觉
if you don't go to bed right now. Let's go. Go.
Fine. Come on, Alice.
好 走吧 爱丽丝
I'll be up in a minute.
I can't tell you how hard...
No, that's-- no, it's not personal enough.
"I can't tell you how hurt and angry this makes me,
but you've been late too many times.
I'll need your keys."
Daddy, no! I'm so sorry!
爸爸 别这样 我错了
Honey, I didn't hear you come downstairs.
You couldn't sleep, either?
No, there's just, like, a lot on my mind with graduation,
and what to wear. How does this look?
Wait a second. You're carrying your shoes.
How am I supposed to judge the whole outfit?
So make sure you give this menu here
a good, thorough reading.
- Soup. - You didn't even look at it.
- Soup. - Check out what's below the soup--
Have you check out what is below this outfit?
This doesn't come from sandwiches.
"The Jay Pritchett"?
I don't understand.
They named you after a sandwich?
No! They named a sandwich after me!
"Turkey, bacon, swiss cheese,
火鸡肉 腌肉 瑞士奶酪
red peppers, anchovies on wheat"?
红辣椒 凤尾鱼 全麦面包
Most people would stop after the salty bacon,
But I double down with the anchovies.
Were you making a sandwich or attracting deer?
Is this bum bothering you, miss?
Oh, I should get a picture of this--
An actual waitress sighting in this dump.
I took a chance and put in an order for your sandwich,
although most people like their Jay Pritchetts to go.
Gloria, it's Maxine.
So you're married to Jay.
Where'd you tie up your seeing eye dog?
No, no, I'm not, um...
不 不是 我没有瞎
Okay, I get it. I get it.
好吧 我听懂了 听懂了
Here's that number for that neck doctor I want you to see.
- Thanks. - What's wrong with your neck?
For 30 years, I've been hearing it's a handball injury.
But it always seems to get worse with stress.
Maybe it's that audit he's got coming up.
- Audit? - It's nothing.
Oh, isn't that cute? He doesn't want you to worry.
Here's your sandwich.
Now you should worry.
Look at it-- my prettiest child.
Why didn't you tell me about your neck?
It's fine. Take a bite.
- Your company's getting audited? - Nothing!
Three bad days, then it's over.
Come on! I'm--I'm anxious to hear what you think.
I see it growing on ya.
It's like Maxine when she first tried it.
- You know, she-- - I don't like it.
You probably didn't get all--
Jay, I try it. I don't like it.
杰 我吃过了 不喜欢
That's all you can say?
It tastes bad in my mouth.
It's like a fish and a turkey
beat themselves to death with a pepper.
Okay, fair enough. Maybe a little picky, though,
from someone who prepared a colombian specialty
and said, "Why are you not eating the hooves?
They're the best part."
Oh, hey, uncle Cam.
Oh, thanks again for picking me up last night.
You're welcome, but you have to be more careful.
I was the responsible one.
Lisa was drinking, and I took her keys,
- and then e-- - I understand.
My senior year, I had a pretty crazy night myself
involving a bottle of corn mash and an overturned plow.
- Seriously? - Yeah. You don't know terror until you've had to
stare down the eyes of a Missouri State trooper
and talk your way out of a P.U.I.
Honey, you don't drink coffee.
I do when I've been up half the night
worrying about a project that's only one-third done,
and I still have an apron to sew, scenery to paint,
plus my normal crushing workload. So...
Unless you have a better way for me to stimula--
God, coffee's bitter.
That was your first sip?
Okay, I got the chafing dish,
salt and pepper shakers-- perfect matches, both.
I may have to readjust my grapes.
Oh. Ow. I'll just give you a little privacy.
Welcome back to the light show. Hi.
No, no, no, no. We're-- we're not gonna do that today.
不行 不行 今天不能这么玩
Actually-- actually, Claire,
等一下 克莱尔 实际上
We're--we're trying not to use the word "No" So much.
We just read a book that said
children learn to rebel against that word.
So we redirect her into a new activity instead.
Oh. Here--well, just watch this.
Lily, sweetie, hi. It's daddy here.
Would you like to listen to some music?
Okay. There you go.
Every new generation thinks
they have cracked the code on child rearing.
What's the latest theory? Never say "No."
I say "No" Every day in this house.
But at night, she's a "Yes" Machine.
Oh, it doesn't seem that she is redirecting her own energy
as much as using a lot of ours.
But do you see how she's slowly transitioning
from the lights to the music?
Yeah. Yeah, I do.
对 对 我看到了
It's hard to believe there was ever a time
when we just said, "Stop doing that."
Oh. The garbage disposal.
Lily, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
莉莉 不行 不行
Now let's redirect you into a nap, huh?
Actually, we're doing this new thing
where we let her tell us when she wants to take a nap.
It's called "Being your own nap captain."
Did you ring the doorbell?
Oh, no, 'cause I have these two coffees.
Here's my life-- a full-time job,
a 3-year-old, and a second one on the way.
I agreed to do a little work for Phil's agency.
The problem is, I'm very good,
and the more I do, the more they want me.
I-I even turned in a few assignments late
so that they'd fall out of love with me a little bit.
How--how long have you been standing here?
Are--are you-- are you all right?
'cause you're-- you're really blinking.
I'm a stress blinker,
and what really gets me going is confrontation.
I hate it. I-I avoid it at all costs.
Once, I, uh, I tried to break up with a girl,
and I danced around it so much,
she didn't know I had broken up with her.
20 years later, we're still married.
I am... Really... Sorry...
我 非常 抱歉
about the cold coffee.
It's not that cold. It's lukewarm, so...
- Okay, so-- - Funny story about that expression--
when the kids were younger, um, we had a, uh,
and occasionally, Luke would have an accident,
and, um, Alex would scream,
and we'd say, um, "It's okay, honey,
he's just making it lukewarm."
- Wow, so-- - So I gotta get going,
- but I-I'll see-- - Okay, wait!
-回头见 -好吧 等一下
I'm just gonna come straight out and say it.
Mitchell, you've done a wonderful job for the agency
Since you decided you'd help us out for just a little bit.
And we couldn't ask for more, could we?
I wish it didn't have to end.
In fact, if it was up to me, you'd stay on forever...
- Phil, Phil... - But it is not just up to me, is it?
-菲尔 菲尔 -但我说了不算数 对吧
- So... - I... Phil, I saw this coming,
I bailed. I made an excuse and left.
But I-I-I've gotta be straight with him.
"Phil, I cannot stay on with your firm forever."
Oh! God, it's gonna crush him.
Maybe I can get Claire to do it.
Well, that was easy!
We're really proud of you, buddy.
See you at the ceremony.
- You're not a hero. -I put out a fire.
A fire you started.
- Was there a fire? - Yes.
- Did I put it out? - That's not--
Answer the question.
I'm getting an award for it.
If they gave awards for starting fires,
I'd be getting one of those, too.
I know you have a conscience, Luke.
Do you see this flag? It stands for justice.
So when that fire marshall gets here,
I know you're going to look at that flag
and do the right thing.
You were very quiet all the way home.
Are you upset at me because I honked at that old lady?
Normally, we leave the honking to the driver,
but I'm used to it.
Is it because of the sandwich?
Ah, you maybe could have eaten half of it...
said a couple of nice things.
It's just a sandwich, Jay.
It's not about the delicious sandwich, Gloria.
It's about being respectful of a person's feelings.
But I was just being honest.
You don't have to be honest
about every little thing in a relationship.
Some things you say, some things you don't.
What are the things that you don't say?
Gloria, I really don't wanna do this anymore.
But you cannot just try to teach me a lesson,
- and then not even.. - Okay, fine.
I don't say this,
But it... Bothers me a little bit
That you're just a tiny bit... loud.
- Loud? - Not all the time.
Only when you, you know, when you talk.
So I embarrass you?
- Gloria... - What?
Am I being too loud again?
All right. Buckle up.
Oh, I'm gonna go and try to do the laundry,
and I'm gonna do it very quietly
so I don't bother you. Maybe Manny can help me.
- I get it. - Manny!
Now you're not even making any noise.
Okay, this is way too many grapes,
and this spoon is modern day,
so if we use it, everyone at the table has to react in shock
at the spoon from the future.
Okay. And that went down the drain.
And you need a nap.
I got it. Ooh, I lost it. Shoot.
我捡到了 又掉了 擦
Let me know if I can eliminate any distractions for you.
Oh, I got it. No, I got a finger on it. There it is.
捡到了 我手指够到了 快了
Maybe you should just wait until it comes to you.
You know, make it the captain of its own spoon platoon.
I understand the point you're making, Claire, but...
克莱尔 我知道你想说什么 但是
Oh! Now I'm stuck.
Yeah, Cam, you are stuck.
是啊 小卡 你确实卡住了
You are stuck on a philosophy that clearly doesn't work.
Sometimes, you need to say "No" to a child.
Yeah, and sometimes you need to say "No" to an adult.
是啊 有时 你也需要对一个大人说"不"
No, Claire. No, I don't need help raising my child.
不 克莱尔 我不需要别人教我怎么带小孩
Guess I-I do have a lot to learn.
Right now, I-I'm looking forward to learning
if you will get your arm out of there
before Lily gets to the garbage disposal switch.
Um... Lily, sweetie!
C-can you do something, please, Claire?
I would like to. Really, I would,
我愿意 真的 我愿意
But I would probably just say "No"
and shred her confidence and mangle her self-esteem.
Okay, fine! I'm sorry! Just--here,
好啦 我错了 看这儿
- Stop her! Stop her! Sweetie! - What to do with you?
-阻止她 阻止她 宝贝 -看你怎么办
- You think that's funny, don't ya? - Oh, sure.
Yes. Well, it's wicked, Claire. It's wicked.
太坏了 克莱尔 你太坏了
Come on. We're leaving, lily!
过来 我们该走了 莉莉
It's living art.
We stay perfectly still for 90 seconds,
basically doing nothing.
Sounds like my first wife.
I don't know. She always moved for me.
As long as you both agree it was only 90 seconds.
Two nerds with one stone!
I love working in an office.
Is that your brother-in-law? I thought you fired him.
I did, before work.
Then what's he doing here?
Is he disgruntled? He looks disgruntled.
No, he always looks like that.
Okay, I know this is uncomfortable...
but we really need to talk about my future here.
But I-I-I thought we--
No, I know. I know I led you to believe
that I'd be able to stay on here indefinitely,
Don't get all blinky. Oh.
- No, it's not all bad news, okay? - Okay.
You will have me until July, like we agreed.
- Okay, great. - Yes.
Hey, could you jump on the elevator with me real quick?
- Yes. - Yes. I could use a hand carrying up some stuff from my car.
Oh! My goodness. I probably need some empty boxes, don't I?
对了 要先拿点空箱子 对吗
You know what? You head down,
I'll meet you at the glass doors.
There was something else. What was it?
I know it's in there. Oh, yeah, you're fired.
就在脑边了 对了 你被炒了
W-what's going on with these things?
You trying to open 'em?
I guess I better... get somebody.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait--
I-I don't even like this job.
That can't be safe.
- Is someone trapped in there? - The guy they fired.
You handed in a couple of things late.
I should have warned you.
I'm terrible at breaking bad news.
Well, then why did you come over to my house
and tell me how great I was?
That was me trying to fire you!
I haven't felt like this since I tried to
break up with Claire 20 years ago.
Someone's stuck again?
That lawyer with the attitude they just fired.
They said it was your attitude,
like you were doing us a favor.
I was doing you a favor!
- Why didn't he get the service like everyone else? - Lazy
Don't worry. He can't get you.
Two hours I was stuck in there
with the entire office of people staring at me,
I-I finally had to lie down.
doesn't help my reputation
You guys nailed it.
Dude, that was surreal.
We have a minute to set up!
Where are Mitchell and Cam?
Hey, Manny. Thanks for what you said before about the flag.
It really got me thinking.
I knew you had a conscience, Luke.
And more importantly, you've got a good...
Yep. And thanks to you,
I had them move the ceremony to right under the flag.
I'll sign a picture for you.
Oh, there you are. I was afraid you weren't coming.
It was a discussion.
If we weren't gonna show up,
we would have clearly let you know,
and not humiliated you in public.
If it's any consolation,
the lawyer we hired to replace you
is already suing the elevator company.
You're sitting on my hand.
Be thankful you have two.
I almost lost one today.
Oh, stop being such a baby.
She was nowhere near that switch.
shh! Keep your voices down.We're about to go on.
Why you looking at me?
Am I too loud? Is that what everybody thinks?
- What? - There's a backstory here
you don't wanna know about.
- I want turkey. - Save your appetite, baby girl.
-我想要火鸡 -忍着 小甜心
And don't forget, afterwards,
we're going to Lenny's for a bite to eat--
more than a bite if you value my feelings.
Oh! Great, we get to see Maxine.
What? You know Maxine, too?
- Oh, we all know Maxine. - Love.
Second-best hugger in the world,
after Mr. Burt Reynolds. Story to follow.
All right, guys, this will all be over in 90 seconds.
- Hold your poses. - Okay.
I really wanna impress Mr. Gorgeous.
Jarvis! Shut up.
Hey, Mitch, I know this isn't a good time,
I-I just want you to know,
- I'm really-- - I know, Phil.You're really sorry, okay?
-我真的 -我知道 菲尔 你很抱歉
But this is gonna take me a little time to get over, all right?
Actually, I was gonna say I'm really gonna need your parking pass.
Our next stage presentation will be Alex Dunphy's interpretation
of Norman Rockwell's 1943 painting,
"Freedom from want"
How do you sleep at night, Luke?
With a medal around my neck.
- I want turkey. - Lily, no!
-我想吃火鸡 -莉莉 不要
She doesn't understand that word.
Control your child, Cam.
It's not that difficult. I've raised three.
- Really? - Cam!
Why don't you ask Haley what time she got home last night?
Sorry, dear. Collateral damage.
What is he talking about?
Your arms are shaking.
I'm sure that the great Maxine can do a better job!
You can criticize my parenting all you like, Cam,
but my son just won a medal.
For a fire he started.
Luke, is that true?
How long? It's getting heavy!
You're not getting that parking pass back.
I tried to let you down easy.
You don't know how to talk to people, Phil.
It's just like when Claire didn't even know you dumped her.
- What? - When did dad dump you?
I didn't dump her! I just tried to!
Just a few more seconds!
We really are trying to not say that word.
But there was a silver lining.
"I expected more, Alex."
I am gonna call Haley and tell her
we're not going to that deli.
I can't take another minute of Cam.
You know, I'm not even sure
I believe all these new parenting theories,
but I'll be damned if I'm gonna let her tell me they're wrong.
We are not going to dinner.
I tried that sandwich.
It's not that good. You're not missing anything.
I sure won't miss seeing Luke and that stupid medal.
I play by the rules. Where's my medal?
Jay can stay with that Maxine.
She's not loud like me.
In fairness, you can be a little quick to give advice.
Well, I'm always ready to help,
if that's what you mean, yeah.
Yeah, but if you're not careful, it can come off a little...
That's not a word.
What you mean to say is,
it can come off like I know it all.
I've always been this way.
That's why I wanted to break up with you.
The word "Fired" doesn't even apply.
You can't get fired from a favor.
Okay, sweetie, maybe you should just let it go.
好了 亲爱的 你还是别去想了
Like I always say, it's better to carry a tune than a grudge.
Okay, you... you've never said that, but...
And--and what about this grudge you're holding against Claire?
I don't see you trading that in for a tune.
That is completely different.
She insulted my parenting skills.
Which, you have to admit, you can be pretty defensive about.
Okay, so maybe we both can be a little sensitive.
No. These--these are-- these are not equal.
No, you have no idea what it feels like to be fired.
Yes, I do. I've been fired. Everyone has.
我了解 我被炒过 谁没有啊
- Never? - No.
Nope, I've always been very good at what I do.
So then maybe what you're feeling
is a little insecure about your work for the first time.
As someone who's seen actual hogwash,
I can assure you that it's not.
I don't know why you're so bothered by Maxine.
Oh, good! Why don't you, Jay, and Maxine
好啊 那不如你 杰还有玛克辛
live together, eating sandwiches forever?!
Can I float a theory here, mom?
You sound like you're jealous.
Me jealous of that woman?
I just don't like the way they talk to each other!
And the little jokes,
and she knows everything about his life!
Just makes me feel like, em...
Ay, my poor sisters.
Just you? I thought the whole family was swinging by.
Who knows what they're doing?
Right now, they're all sniping at each other.
Ah, who needs 'em?
Right. As long as I have you, Maxine...
是啊 只要我还有你 玛克辛
What's with all the hardware?
Well, he set fire to a school and lied about it.
You know they give medals for anything these days.
It's going back tomorrow.
He doesn't get a lot of medals.
I just really need one of these.
Don't hold back. Oh!
My girls. There they are. Hi.
Hello, hello. Hi, all.
I, uh, I appreciate your coming.
And, again, I really, really--Thank you.
还有 我真的真的 谢谢
- There she is. - Well, look who made it.
Hola, Maxine. So nice to see you.
你好 玛克辛 见到你很高兴
Let me get you some menus.
It's Jay Pritchetts all around!
Gloria, if you want your sandwich without anchovies,
I won't be offended.
Of course, then it'll be a Jack Feldman.
- Hey, man. - Is the repair guy here?
It's Katie's birthday, Skip's assistant.
Big 3-0. Still no ring.
You woke me up to tell me that?
No, no. I-I grabbed you some cake.
Oh, sure it's not for employees only?
Okay. Had that coming.
Who are you talking to, Phil?
- Mitchell. - Who?
Mitchell, my br-- uh, the lazy guy.
米奇尔 我的小舅... 那懒鬼
I was doing you a favor.
All right, just give me the cake. I'm hungry.
好吧 蛋糕给我 我饿了