Hey, sir. Duane Bailey, running for, uh,
你好 先生 我是杜恩·贝利
town council reelection.
- Oh, don't look. There's that jerk Duane Bailey. - Oh, yuck.
-别看 是杜恩·贝利那个混蛋 -唉 真衰
I should say something to him, shouldn't I?
I gotta be honest, I was just walking off your tone.
Who's Duane Bailey and why do we hate him?
Honey, he's that councilman who shot down my stop sign.
- Big phony - Yeah.
Hey! Duane Bailey seeking reelection town council.
你好 我是杜恩·贝利 竞选镇议员连任
Hope I can count on your vote.
Well, you just got it.
You don't remember meeting me,do you.
Claire Dunphy,last month town council meeting.
Yes I remember you.
I want a stop sign.
Just having fun. Here, have a pen.
开个玩笑啦 来 拿支笔吧
Councilman. Citizen. Puggle breeder."
忠诚议员 良好市民 哈巴小猎犬爱好者
Because they're a different mix of breeds,
just like America.
I like what he's saying, Claire.
- He isn't saying anything. - Look at his...
We need a stop sign at our intersection.
Everyone says that,
we're stopping at every single corner.
Why don't you go ask Canada how that's working out?
- He nailed it. - Hi. Duane Bailey.
-他真有才 -你好 我是杜恩·贝利
"Actor/writer/director who packs a punch."
- Oh, Sylvester Stallone. - Sylvester Stallone.
This guy brought his kids, Mitchell.
What, to this movie? Isn't it supposed to be super violent?
I'm sorry. I don't mean to overstep, but I don't know
抱歉 我不是想多管闲事 但是
that this movie is really appropriate for children.
I'm terrified to see it. That's why we're here during the day.
It's okay. We're good.
Yeah. All you can do.
You know, I've--I've read this book,
And I know what's gonna happen, and it's very disturbing.
I really think you might be inviting
some pretty serious nightmares here.
Hey, buddy, they're my kids. I got it.
兄弟 听好 我的孩子我做主
Yeah, but I don't think you do.
Cam. Cam. He says he's got it, all right?
小卡 小卡 他说了他做主
You said your piece. Just watch the movie.
Oh, uh, Gwyneth Paltrow.
- I really must insist you not traumatize your kids... - Cam.
- by exposing them to gratuitous violence... - Stop it. Shh!
- and graphic depictions of-- - Daddy, I'm scared.
-以及血腥影像 -爸爸 我吓到了
Yeah, well, you're gonna be.
I'm gonna tell you one more time.
- No, I'm gonna tell you one more time. - Okay.
-不 是我最后警告你一次 -好了
It was "The Muppet" Movie.
We were in the wrong theater.
Enjoy the show. I was always a fan of the Muppets,
Especially the two guys in the theater
- who wouldn't shut up. - Just leave.
- Hello? - I'm running late.
This knucklehead's kept me waiting for over an hour.
I never had to wait like this when his dad was running things.
And soda was a nickel.
Just tell them that your family is coming over.
This guy fired his own father.
He's not gonna care about my family.
Okay, then just leave.
You don't need his money.
Once a week, I have eight family members
coming to my house for free food.
I'm not going anywhere.
Okay. I see you when I see you.
Are you okay? What is wrong?
I want to be homeschooled.
Really, Manny? Do you want me to learn you English?
当真吗 曼尼 你想让我"学"你英语吗
I have a big report due,
And the teachers don't seem to care about the substance.
All they care about is the flash.
Manny, sometimes you can be a little bit old-fashioned.
Remember the first time
you saw the kids with the backpacks with wheels
and you thought they were too flashy?
You're going to school, not boarding a flight to Denver.
It's getting absurd.
Reuben freestyle-rapped his report on Irish immigrants.
That doesn't even make sense.
Maybe you do a Riverdance. Maybe.
- What is your report on? - The Mafia.
Perfect. We do a papier-mache Tommy gun.
Oh, no. We shouldn't have to jazz it up.
Okay, then we go upstairs and we get your old rocking horse
and we chop the head off.
No, that's a terrible idea. I love Brownie!
不 太残忍了 我喜欢布朗尼
Do you want to send a message or not?
Jay never wants me to help him with his business,
And now suddenly, manny doesn't want to listen to me either.
It's very frustrating.
I have all the answers.
- Bring it in , Jay. How you doing, Joshie?
-快进来 杰 -你好吗 乔小希
- It's Josh now. - Have a seat.
So I flipped through your proposal,
And here's the thing--
We're about to build our largest luxury condo complex yet.
And I have an important question for you--
what is it you want to build?
See, I was kinda hoping you'd say "Dreams."
I thought that was implied.
Jay, I'm looking for closets nobody's ever seen before,
You know, a big "Wow!"
You know what I'm saying?
You want a nice closet with sharp design,
quality materials, and expert craftsmanship.
要设计新锐 质量上乘 做工精湛
Uh, I mean, I want it to be like, bam!
You know, people are gonna walk in there and go
"Whoa! What do I hang first?"
I wanted to hang myself.
Yeah, let's talk more specific.
What exactly do you like and what don't you like?
All right, fair enough. Uh...
I don't like this. This makes me sad.
I do like getting my mind blown.
I love your enthusiasm.
Uh, before I go off in the wrong direction,
How about an example?
All right, check this out.
So, like, three weeks ago, I'm down in South Beach.
I walk into this thumpin' club.
Bartender says, "What do you wanna drink?"
I say, "Wow me."
He mixes this thing together. I take one sip,
and I'm like, "Hello, nurse!"
And she's like, "You've been unconscious for two days."
That's what I want in a closet.
I don't think I need to hear any more.
Whatcha doing there? Homework?
I need to borrow some money. It's really important.
Come on. If you were in trouble,
I would do anything for you.
We're not just sisters.
We're best friends.
Look, I would if I could,
but I don't have any money.
And since we're talking,
I never told anyone this before, and it...
...wipe that smug smile off his stupid face.
His face is stupid.
Oh! I can't believe ridiculous people like him end up in office.
Well, why don't you run?
You're smart, you care about the community,
and you're easy on the eyes when you put a little effort into it.
- Are you serious? - Yeah, you know,
maybe change out of the sweaty gym clothes every once in while.
I thought you were talking about running for office.
I'd be lying if I said I'd never thought about it.
I mean, I know it's a ridiculous little local thing,
but it might be fun to get out there and contribute.
但踏出家门 奉献市民 也未尝不好
Plus I think I'd be good at it.
- You'd be great. - Mm. How would this work?
I mean, who would be here for the kids after school?
Who would take them to practice and recitals
and keep them from burning the house down?
It must be so hard being a single mom.
Claire, I will.
I'm not gonna hold your feet to the ground. Hmm.
I wanna be the one to push you off the cliff.
I think I'm gonna do it.
- Go fly. - Phil.
- No. - Oh, phil!
I'll admit it. I'm turned on by powerful women--
Michelle Obama, Oprah, Condoleezza Rice,
米歇尔·奥巴马 奥普拉 康多莉扎·赖斯
Wait a minute.
- Do you want a fry? - No, I can't eat.
-要吃薯条吗 -不要 我吃不下
We should've stayed and seen "The Muppets."
I can't even look at ketchup without seeing blood.
Ooh, runaway curly fry. You know these are good luck.
- Oh, my god. What was that? - We just got rear-ended.
-天啊 怎么回事 -追尾了
Oh, pull off to the side street. Pull off to the side street.
- Are you okay? - Oh, I think I cut the roof of my mouth on the straw.
- Oh, my god. Mm! - So yes.
I am so sorry. This is all my fault.
W-well, I-I sustained a minor mouth injury.
We're fine. Thank you. It's...
Look, I feel terrible.
Um, don't worry. I'm gonna take care of everything.
Let me just get my insurance info.
Well, he seems nice.
You know, if this were a romantic comedy,
this would be our meet cute.
We'd spend the rest of the afternoon
drinking wine, eating food,
flying a kite, you know, doing montage-y stuff.
Yeah, am I in this movie of yours?
Yeah, you're the gay best friend.
- Oh, my god! - Oh, my god! We have a runner!
-我的天 -我的天 这货逃逸了
Um, it's d-w-y-- I can't read it.
车牌是D W Y 我看不清了
- Come on! Let's go! Let's go! - Go where?
-快点 跑啊 -跑去哪
- We have to chase him down! - No, we're not supposed to do that!
Help! Stop that car!
He's getting away! Help!
Yeah, you almost got him, Cam. You almost got him.
马上就追到了 小卡 马上就追到了
Whatcha doing? Playing?
Do you have any money saved up?
I've saved $1,217.
It wasn't even that hard.
Don't forget your lunch.
Don't forget your lunch money, buddy.
Please. It's really important.
Look, I'd love to help you out,
but I'm not very liquid right now.
It's in a block of ice.
when I heard about rich guys with frozen assets.
I am running for town council,
and I understand that I can pick up a form here.
Elevator down the hall.
Beyonce, when'd you start working here?
Oh, Duane. He's always saying stuff like that.
Duane Bailey. Running for reelection.
I just saw you in the parking lot two hours ago.
What... Are you doing here?
I am entering the race for town council,
and I am running against you.
Oh. Well, don't you have pluck.
No, I plan on winning, so...
不 我志在必得 所以
Oh, yeah, I bet you do.
Marcia! Rocking the bangs! Love it.
玛莎 打扮得不错啊 爱死了
Do you know why, of all the dogs in the world,
I breed puggles?
Why do I feel like this is a rhetorical question,
- And you're about to l-- - It's because they're lovable, yes,
but they're also tenacious hunters who won't quit
until the kill is complete.
Really? 'cause I feel like they just yip a lot.
Look, lady, you're going down.
I've won six straight elections.
I don't plan on losing to some bored housewife,
so don't quit your lack of a day job.
Oh, god. Okay. Um...
I'll call you right back.
For your information, sir,
I am no bored housewife.
No, I-I would kill for "Bored." Why isn't this lighting up?
Oh, it's because it's, uh, staff only.
Here. Allow me to...
Not get that for you.
Dad, I cut my arm.
Oh, wow. You sure did, buddy.
I'll get you fixed up.
She belongs to the people now.
My allergies are acting up again.
Well, it is your lucky day,
Dr. Dad has everything you need.
Behold the healing powers of grape flavoring.
Some people took her.
Listen, guys, your mom is taking on more responsibilities
outside of the... house,
But don't you worry.
Good old... Dad-- oh, my goodness!
Dad, you gave me the drowsy kind.
There's a drowsy kind?!
I have to study for a test!
Oh! It really hurts!
- Well, I'll get you some ice. - No. No, no, no.
-我帮你找点冰块 -别 别 别
Oh, you made it. How was it?
Why? What's wrong, babe?
怎么了 出什么事了 亲爱的
- I don't want to talk about it. - Do it anyways.
Uh, this stupid kid's been in the business about ten minutes.
He barely looks at my proposal,
and he says he wants more "Wow."
What does he mean by more "Wow"?
It's the "Bieber-ization" of America.
[水獭 音似比伯 著名正太歌手Justin Bieber]
What do beavers have to do with anything?
The beavers--they build the dams all over the country
so there's no floods,
is the "Beaver-ization" Of the Americas.
I'm finding there's less and less we can talk about.
So why didn't you tell him
that you've been in the business for such a long time--
It's not gonna make any difference.
He wants to make a change.
And I got a factory full of people depending on this.
- Yeah, but maybe if you tell him that -- - Gloria, please.
-不然你就告诉他 -拜托 歌洛莉亚
I-I-I've had a tough day.
Can we please not talk about it?
But I want to help.
Trust me. I wish you had the answers.
- Hey, guys. - Hey, grandpa.
- Hey, Jay. - What's with her?
-你好啊 杰 -她怎么了
Just tired. Growth spurt.
- Hi, guys. - Hi, baby girl.
-大家好啊 -嗨 小姑娘
Hola, Lily. How are you?
Dads are fighting.
No, uh, we're not fighting.
No, not at all, honey.
No. Okay, uh, go play, sweetheart. Okay?
没吵架 宝贝 玩去吧 好吗
Let's go play with some blocks. Let's go stack some blocks.
All right. Okay, the reason we're fighting
is 'cause this one thinks he's dirty Harry.
Having a hard time picturing Clint Eastwood in that shirt.
Okay, let me ask you something.
Today, at a stoplight, a guy ran into our car,
and then just took off.
I wanted to chase after him. Mitchell...
kept a level head and called the police.
Pfft. Police. Aren't they too busy winning the war on drugs?
切 警察 他们不都忙着扫黄禁药吗
Okay, so which one of us did the right thing?
Hit and run. Gotta chase him down.
I chase the people all the time.
No. No. That's--that's irresponsible and dangerous.
不不 那样既不负责任 又危险
Okay, well, what if he had been armed?
He wasn't armed. He had a Hillary bumper sticker.
This isn't an isolated incident.
This morning he flipped out at somebody at the muppet movie.
You saw the muppet movie without me?
No, honey. Just the first two numbers.
宝贝 不是的 我们是进错影厅看错片了
Hi. Hi. Hi. Phil, where are you, honey?
大家好 菲尔 你在哪儿 宝贝
I need to talk to you. Do you know what our daughter did?
Nothing. She's fine. She's reading.
没啥 她很好 在看书呢
No, not her. Haley. Haley!
不是她 是海莉 海莉给我出来
- Come over here. I want to talk to you. -There she is.
-过来 我有话问你 -她在这儿呢
Not a scratch on her.
Do you have something you want to say to us?
- Uh... - Mm... Let me help you out here.
- What?! - Mm-hmm.
Haley tried to get her and her friends some fake ID's.
I wasn't gonna use them for drinking.
We just wanted to get into this club to see a band.
She took a bunch of money from them and then she lost it.
- How much? - $900.
- Oh, my god! Oh! - You're kidding me!
I gave money to this guy. He's the one who ripped us off.
What happened to your face?
- Oh. I ran into a door. - Yeah.
-噢 我撞门上了 -是啊
- What happened to your face? - Dad hit me.
- Phil! - I was trying to open up a band-aid!
What's wrong with her?
- Growth spurt. - What's wrong with her?
- I drugged her. - Phil!
I accidentally gave her the nighttime allergy medicine.
Mm. All right, one thing at a time.
Haley, how are you going to repay your friends?
I know. You go there with a couple of guys--
She's gotta get the money back. Who is this kid?
A guy at school's cousin's friend. He lives in Gardena.
Well, if you know where he lives, just call the police.
No cops. We can't afford a scandal right now.
Claire's running for town council.
when I thought you could take care of the children.
I take my eye off the ball for one minute,
and I've got one in a coma, one with a black eye,
and one running a crime ring.
Well, to be fair, Haley started her crime ring
when your eye was still on the ball.
It's not a crime ring.
I just gotta get my hands on that $900.
I know how the mafia would handle this.
The kid is right. I'm sick of these smart-ass punks
who keep changing the rules
and think they can get away with anything they want.
I'm gonna pay this guy a visit.
Haley, text me his address.
- I'm going with you. - Me, too.
Oh, no. No. Nobody's going anywhere.
Okay, we're not vigilantes.
In my country, it is tradition
when the men are out seeking vengeance,
The women--they stay home, and they drink.
Sometimes I think you just make this stuff up.
- Do you want a drink or not? - Oh, yeah.
So what happened?
You were running for office, and now you're not?
Mm. I don't really want to talk about that.
I know. I am sick and tired of no one needing my help.
You are going to tell me what is wrong,
and I'm gonna give you the right answer,
because I have all of them.
So why are you not running for office?
Because my family needs me too much.
You saw what just happened.
Why are you not running for office?
That doesn't work on me.
Why are you not running for office?!
Because I don't want to lose!
I haven't done anything outside of my house in 18 years.
I don't want the first thing I do to be a complete failure.
I'm gonna tell you a story about a little girl
who entered a beauty pageant...
even though she was very, very scared that she was going to lose.
Let me guess. You won.
But I was talking about my cousin Maria Conchita.
She had a nose like a toucan.
She stuffed her body in this bikini.
And at the end, she finished dead last.
How is that a good story?
Because she faced her fears, and it didn't kill her.
What killed her two weeks later was a bus.
Yes, because she couldn't see anything coming with that big nose.
This guy has won six elections.
I am way out of my league.
Look, I don't know anything about this guy,
But I know that you're a tough lady,
and I come from a family of tough ladies.
And I have to say, sometimes you scare me a little bit.
And I know that you're strong enough to win
And definitely strong enough to be okay if you lose.
I want thanksgiving at my house!
Why does everybody think I talk like that?
W-w-wait. No, no. Come on. Do we have a plan?
等等 别急 我们有作战计划吗
It doesn't seem like we have a plan.
Yeah, I got a plan. Either he gives us the money,
Or he gets a private performance from England Dan and John Ford Coley.
That's not a good plan. That's not even a good band.
If all you're gonna do is criticize, just wait by the car.
I'll see you in jail.
It's gonna be a big adjustment for two of you.
-Yeah? -You peter?
You know haley dunphy? You owe her $900.
-We're here to collect. -You dig?
I tried to call that girl, like, ten times,
But her voice mail was always... Full.
That does sound like Haley.
So how are you gonna make this right?
You guys want the money, right? That's fine.
I don't need any hassle. Hold on.
I'll just... grab it.
He's lucky he didn't put up a fight.
I would've treated him to a reunion of Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young!
否则哥让他尝尝无影脚 倚天剑 加屠龙刀
-We got a runner! -Runner!
-Oh, my god. You did! -Don't be so surprised.
-天哪 你做到了 -别那么惊讶
Help! He's slipping out of his skinny jeans.
These are cute. I totally have these.
Oh, you got it back! Thank you!
Hey, don't thank me. Thank your uncle Mitchell.
He's the one who tackled the guy.
-I got grass stains. -Well, I will tell you one thing.
-我染上了光荣的草绿色 -好吧 我只能说
I have learned my lesson.
Disappointing my family and friends
is punishment enough.
Nice try. You're grounded for two weeks.
Okay, we have big news.
Claire has decided to run for mayor after all.
Thank you, but it's town council.
It doesn't matter. You're not going to win anyways.
But she's going to be okay. You see?
I help the people.
Why don't you two let me help you?
Well, I can't speak for Jay,
But I guess I'm just too proud to ask for help.
Are you serious? She cuts your steak.
I don't want to bother you with my business.
What else do I do every day?
I don't know. I'm guessing the gym.
And... One other thing?
Dad, you should listen to her. She might really help you.
爸 你应该听她的 或许她能帮到你哦
She could be an asset.
-Asset. -Heard it.
And look at the shelves over here.
They're for the shoes. Those are my favorite ones.
So what do you think?
Same... Exact... Closet.
We never needed fake I.D.S on the farm.
We figured if a 16-year-old could drive a tractor,
He could drink a beer. Not at the same time, of course.
It's Missouri, not Texas.
I used a fake I.D. to get into an "R"-rated movie--
"The Fabulous Baker Boys."
I found the title to be misleading.
Lot of Michelle Pfeiffer-- that's all I'm saying.
女主角戏份太重 不够基情 太坑爹了
I remember when I got my fake I.D.
Me, too. Crazy times.
Hell, yeah. I tried to enlist in the army,
But they saw right through me, so me and a bunch of guys
drove across state lines, we got a bunch of booze.
We loaded up on fireworks, and I woke up in the morning--
I kid you not-- in a mexican strip joint.
Uh, I used mine to rent some bowling shoes and kept 'em.
Suckers probably spent months
trying to track down Dr. Richard Hertz.