摩登家庭 第八季 Modern Family Season 8 第10集: Ringmaster Keifth

上映日期: 2,016

语言: 英语

影片类型: 喜剧 / 家庭

导演: 克里斯·科赫

演员: 艾德·奥尼尔 / 索菲娅·维加拉 / 朱丽·鲍温 / 泰·布利尔 / 杰西·泰勒·弗格森 / 艾瑞克·斯通斯崔特 / 里克·罗德里格兹 / 诺兰·古德 / 萨拉·海蓝德 / 阿芮尔·温特 / 奥布里·


台词
- Hey, Jay. - Welcome!
-杰 -欢迎欢迎
New Year's Day at Jay's.
在杰家过元旦
My dad was driving in.
我爸正开车过来
Things were looking up after a bad morning.
经历了上午的挫折后 一切都在好转
- Oh! Yeah! - Oh, man!
-乖乖 -真厉害
Look how high it goes!
看看它飞得多高啊
I'm gonna try and spit on a bird.
我到时候要试试朝小鸟吐口水
Did he just get off the ride?
那哥们是刚坐完下来吗
You know, honey, um, I'm getting cold feet.
亲爱的 我有点打退堂鼓了
m 71 60 b 71 0 161 0 161 60 b 161 120 71 120 71 60
m 20 0 l 209 0 b b b 11 228 0 218 0 209 l 0 20 b 0 11 11 0 20 0
原创翻译 双语字幕
Maybe we should just --
不然我们还是...
Well, if you're scared, we should just go.
如果你害怕我们就走吧
I'm disappointed, 'cause to me, it seemed like a blast.
我很失望 因为在我看来肯定会很爽的
翻译: 洗七里 MsFool glida
My resolution to live more dangerously
我的新年新决心是活得更刺激
翻译: 赛太公喜庆元旦 火龙果新年快乐
was off to a rocky start.
结果出师不利
Help yourself to my Christmas present.
自己去拆我准备的圣诞礼物吧
Nothing like a frozen margarita in a hot tub.
天下最爽的就是在热水浴缸里喝冰鸡尾酒
校对: 赛太公觉得冬歇太短
Lets nature know we can do anything she can.
让自然母亲知道她能做的事我们也能
Well, I'll take one to go.
我带走喝
时间轴: 三水
Alex and I are just here to raid your guys' closet
艾丽克斯和我是为了来你们的衣橱里
for some vintage clothing.
搜刮复古服装而来
Yeah, we're going to a '90s music festival
我们要去一个九十年代风格的音乐节
后期: 瓜瓜 总监: 怀念浓子的瓜瓜
called Fo-shizzle-fest.
叫"当然90音乐节"
Okay, get ready to pig out!
准备好吃烤猪撑到爆吧
In six to eight hours.
6到8小时后才能撑到爆
I did Thanksgiving dinner last year,
去年的感恩节晚宴是我负责的
and it didn't go well.
结果没做好
Cam blew up the turkey
小卡把火鸡弄爆炸了
and made the goat kill itself.
吓得山羊撞墙自杀
Anyhoo, today is my comeback meal,
总之今天的元旦大餐我要强势回归
and I decided to keep it simple and roast a pig.
我决定一切从简 做烤全猪
So, you just dig a hole,
你先挖个坑
you put down a bed of coals, then a layer of banana leaves,
铺一层炭 再盖一层蕉叶
lower the pig, cover it with burlap and tin foil,
把猪放进去 再用麻布和锡纸包住
and -- Bam!
然后是见证奇迹的时刻
Six hours later, you dig it all up,
6小时后挖出来
put it on a platter, and Bam!
放到盘子上 又是见证奇迹的时刻
dinner is served.
晚餐就上桌了
Guys,
小伙子们
just because you spent Christmas in Missouri
不要以为你们是在密苏里过的圣诞
doesn't mean that we forgot about you.
我们就把你们忘了
Open your presents.
拆礼物吧
Oh, okay! I'll go first.
好 我先拆
Uh, let's see.
瞧瞧
Oh, it's a gift certificate for E-Butler.
是电子管家的礼品券
It's a concierge service.
是礼宾服务
Use it for errands, tickets, things like that.
你可以用它做跑腿 买票之类的杂务
Oh my God. I love this!
我的天 我太喜欢了
It's like staying in a hotel,
就像住在酒店一样
but I don't have to wear gloves to use the remote.
但我用遥控器时不必戴手套防细菌
Okay, me next. Me next.
好了 到我了到我了
Oh... it's an apron with-with bells on it.
是条围裙 上面还带铃铛
And it says, "Cam and get it!"
上面还写着"过来卡一下"
Oh, so that's not a mistake?
所以这个不是拼写错误吗
We spent extra cash to get that custom made.
我额外加钱定做的
Came to me in a dream.
我在梦中想到的好点子
Put it on, buddy.
穿上吧 伙计
Let's, uh-Let's get pictures with you guys and your gifts.
我们照一张你们拿着礼物的照片
Jay and Gloria, get in there too.
杰 歌洛莉亚 你们也一起来
Come on, honey. Let's go.
来吧 亲爱的 咱也去
- Oh, boy. - I'll tie it.
-天啊 -我帮你系
- No, you won't. - All right.
-不用 -好吧
I told you Stella was trying to kill me!
我就说斯黛拉想杀我
家 庭
摩 登
第八季 第十集
- Well, that was a scare. - Nothing happened.
-刚才真是吓死人了 -又没出事
I know where you're going with this.
我知道你想说什么
This is why I've been hounding you
这就是为什么我一直追着你
about your estate planning.
要你做遗产规划
No, Mitch.
不 米奇
Don't put that horrible thing out in the universe!
不要朝宇宙释放这种负能量
Dad, you still haven't done that?
爸 你还没做遗产规划吗
They haven't updated their paperwork since Joe was born.
乔出生以后他们都还没修订过文件
Uh, God forbid something bad should happen to them.
老天保佑 但万一他们遇到不测了呢
We don't even know who'd they want to raise Joe.
我们都不知道他们想让谁做乔的监护人
Will you stop scaring her?
你别吓她了行吗
I spend more money on eyelashes
至今我花在种睫毛上面的钱
吹走掉下来的睫毛可以许愿
than most of you do on health care.
比你们好几个的医保费都多
Fine, we'll do it today.
好吧 我今天就做
What better way to start the new year
开始新一年的方式那么多
than by preparing for the worst?
但有什么能比准备身后事更"开心"
Speaking of alive dads,
说到还生龙活虎的老爸
there's mine! Oh!
我爸来啦
So good to see you!
太高兴见到你了
How was the drive?
一路开车过来顺利吗
Fantastic.
棒极了
My radio broke around Tallahassee.
开到佛州塔拉哈西时我的收音机坏了
But is there a better entertainment source
但哪里有比美国公路上的广告牌
than the billboards of America?
更有趣的娱乐内容呢
Apparently, syphilis is making a comeback.
根据广告来看 梅毒又要祸害众生了
Plus, you had me to keep you company.
再说 你还有我陪你解闷呢
Lorraine?
洛林
Lorraine was my babysitter growing up.
洛林是照顾我长大的保姆
She was also my first crush
我第一次春心荡漾的对象也是她
and also the star of my first, um... "funny dream."
我第一次做"那啥梦" 梦见的也是她
Yeah, Lorraine used to bring out the holy terror in Phil.
当年菲尔一见到洛林就调皮捣蛋
It seemed like he wanted to be spanked by her.
好像他故意想被洛林打屁股似的
No, I did not.
我才没有
How long has this been going on?
你们在一起多久了
Well, we reconnected earlier this year on jury duty.
我们今年早些时候做陪审团时重新联系上的
I was the lone holdout on a triple homicide case.
三重凶杀案 只有我坚持认为凶手无罪
You can just feel when someone is innocent, you know?
当被告是无辜的时候你是能感应到的
But Lorraine said she'd go out to lunch with me
但洛林说如果我改投有罪
if I changed my vote,
她就陪我吃午饭
so here we are.
所以我们就在一起了
- Phil, did-did you ever dream -- - No.
-菲尔 你做梦都没想到 -没"梦"过
Last time I saw you,
我上次见到你时
you came up to here.
你还在我胸口
Okay, Claire will take you that way to the back yard.
好了 克莱尔会带你们从那边去后院
I'll go through the house
我会从房子里穿过去
so we can finally know which way's faster.
这样我们就终于能知道哪条路比较快了
Okay, just a few simple questions,
好了 只要回答几个简单的问题
and your estate planning is done.
你们的遗产规划就做好了
What is this?
这是什么
We don't need to put aside money for Manny's college.
我们不用额外存一笔钱给曼尼上大学
I already took care of it.
钱我早就攒够了
When Manny was born, I didn't want to rely on anyone,
曼尼出生的时候 我不想依靠任何人
so I started saving money from my paycheck.
所以我开始把一部分薪水攒起来
Eventually, I made enough money for Manny's college,
最后就把曼尼上大学的钱攒出来了
so if anything happens, he'll be okay.
这样如果有什么不测 他也不会有事
That's amazing.
真了不起
How did I not see this in the bank statements?
我看银行财务报表的时候怎么没发现
Why would I put money that I might need
我为什么要把我有可能哪天
to run away with in the middle of night in the bank?
就需要带着跑路的钱存进银行呢
I put it in my disappear bag.
我把它放在跑路包里
It's hard not to take that personally, but, um,
虽然这事很难不往心里去 但是...
where is this bag?
那包在哪
It's in...in...
在...
- You forgot? - No.
-你忘了 -不可能
That's why I made a song
我特地编了首歌
so that it would always help me remember.
好帮我想起来它在哪
* My disappear bag, my disappear bag *
* 我的跑路小包 我的跑路小包 *
* I hid you very safely in the *
* 我把你安全地藏在... *
I don't know.
我不知道了
One second.
失陪一下
Okay, Cam, what are we --
小卡 我们要干嘛
Okay. Just -- Just be cool.
你冷静点
- Just be cool. - Be cool?
-冷静一点 -怎么冷静[酷]
You just jangled across the yard like a big country tambourine.
你刚像个乡村手摇鼓一样叮叮当当穿过花园
All right, well, apparently,
好吧 貌似
the fire went out and I didn't notice,
火刚熄灭了 而我没注意到
and now this pig is as cold as your family is gonna be
现在这只猪冷得就像待会你家人发现
when they figure out I ruined another meal.
我又搞砸了一顿饭时的气氛一样冰冷
Okay, this is bad.
这很糟糕
My dad does not like to be pork teased.
我爸不喜欢被猪肉吊胃口
Well, maybe we can get a replacement pig.
也许我们能搞到另一只猪来代替它
- Do you think your concierge thing could help out? - Wha--
-你觉得你的礼宾卡好使吗 -什么
But I just got it today,
但我今天才刚得到它
and -- and the card says, "For Mitch stuff."
而且卡上写了 "专为米奇服务"
Mitchell, one of my resolutions
米奇尔 我的一个新年愿望
was to cry less outside the home.
就是在外面少流眼泪
Please help me get through this day. Gosh.
求你帮我度过今天的难关吧
You know they only got me six hours, right?
你知道他们只买给我六个小时的服务时间吧
I know. Thank you.
我知道 谢谢你
Okay.
好吧
Thank you for calling E-Butler, Mr. Pritchett.
感谢您致电电子管家 普里契特先生
How may I make your day more E-fficient?
我能如何让您的生活更"电"捷
Okay, um, well, this is a weird request.
我有一个奇怪的请求
Keep in mind, erotic tasks are billed at twice the normal rate.
友情提醒 色情服务双倍收费
Uh, no, I-I need you to secretly deliver a whole roasted pig.
不是的 我需要你偷偷地给我送一只烤全猪
With extreme pleasure.
很高兴为您服务
Requests like these remind me why I E-buttle.
这种请求提醒了我为何投身电子管家服务
I knew that voice.
我认得那个声音
It was Keifth.
是基夫斯
When I first moved here,
我刚搬来这里的时候
I was just a young Missouri hayseed.
我不过是个年轻的密苏里乡巴佬
I-I bought a ticket to the circus one day,
有一天我买了张票去看马戏团
and there in the middle of all the action,
所有演出的焦点
in an impeccably pressed tuxedo, was Ringmaster Keifth.
就是穿着完美燕尾服的马戏团领班基夫斯
I started hanging out at circus bars until we met.
我开始出没于各马戏团酒吧 直到我们相遇
The attraction was immediate.
瞬间就互相吸引了
He was older, always in command of a room,
他年纪比较大 总是屋里掌控大局的人
which makes sense because a room is just a permanent tent.
确实说得通 毕竟屋子不过就是永久型的帐篷
We dated for six months.
我们交往了六个月
He transformed me
他使我变成了
into the sophisticate that we all know today.
现在大家熟识的长袖善舞的我
And then, he suddenly disappeared.
某天他突然间消失了
No goodbye. No note.
没有告别 没有留言
Just some peanut shells on the floor
只留下了地板上的一些花生壳
that must have...fallen from his glorious black boot.
那一定是... 从他华丽的黑靴子底掉下来的
I found a trattoria in Little Polynesia
我在小波利尼西亚找到了一家小餐馆
that can spare a fully roasted pig.
有多的烤全猪可以提供
Sorry for the delay.
不好意思让您久等了
It w-- It was a minute and a half.
才过了一分半
You can't know my shame.
您不知道我多惭愧
I'll deliver the porcine parcel within the hour.
我会在一小时内把烤猪包裹送达
Okay, that -- that is great. I will -- I will see you then.
好 太棒了 我们等会见
What is wrong with you?
你怎么了
Okay, my circus boyfriend who left me
我的马戏团男友
in the middle of the night -- that was him.
半夜丢下我离开的那个 就是他
And now he's coming here?!
而他马上要来这里了
This is no way to ring in a new year.
我可不想这么开始[摇铃]新年
The money has to be here somewhere.
钱肯定在这的某个地方
This is all the stuff from when we first moved in together.
从我们搬过来后的所有东西都在这了
Why do we have a box of doll heads?
我们为什么会有一盒娃娃头
Oh, I guess you think it's a coincidence
我猜你以为家里没闹过鬼
that we have never had evil spirits in this house.
只不过是个巧合
What about these will questions?
这些遗嘱上的问题怎么办
If something happens to us, who should raise Joe?
如果我们出了事 谁来抚养乔
No, Jay, don't say that.
不 杰 别说那样的话
All right, look.
你听着
If someone other than us needs to raise Joe,
如果需要别人来抚养乔
I vote Mitch and Cam.
我投票给米奇和小卡
Nice balance.
很互补的一对
Mitch is, uh, responsible, he knows culture,
米奇有责任感 他有文化
and Cam is basically a mom who played college football.
小卡基本上就是个玩大学橄榄球的妈妈
Plus, Joe and Lily are close in age.
而且 乔和莉莉年纪相仿
Yeah, but isn't she a little...
对 但她是不是有点...
Direct? You're not wrong.
直言不讳 你说的没错
She did five minutes on my nose at Thanksgiving.
感恩节时 她足足嘲讽了我鼻子5分钟
I mean, it's a little big,
你的鼻子是有点大
but to say that it has its own zip code,
但要说它大得都有自己的邮编了
that was too much for me.
我觉得还是太过分了
What's this?
这是什么
No, that is...
别打开 那是
"If I ever go missing or am found dead,
"如果我失踪了或者被发现死了
it was my husband"?
是我丈夫干的"
What the hell is this?!
这是什么玩意
Calm down.
冷静一点
It was when we had our first big fight.
这是我们第一次大吵之后录的
Of course I knew that you were not going to kill me.
我当然知道你不会杀我
I was just going to run away and frame you.
我本打算跑路然后诬陷你
Is it weird we've barely seen Phil since we've been here?
好奇怪 我们到了之后几乎没怎么见到菲尔
He was always a wanderer.
这孩子一直都是个流浪者
It's the curse of being a genius.
这是对天才的诅咒
- Phil. - Trinidad and Tobago!
-菲尔 -我了个特立尼达和多巴哥共和国
Why are you avoiding Frank?
你为什么躲着弗兰克
What?
什么
I'm --
Okay, there's something you don't know.
好吧 有些事你不知道
She used to be your babysitter, and you had the hots for her.
她曾经是你的保姆 你对她有过幻想
How?
你怎么知道的
What is the plan, honey?
你打算怎么样 亲爱的
Are you just gonna avoid them?
你打算就一直躲着他们吗
I just need a minute to get comfortable with this, okay?
我只是需要一些时间来适应这件事 好吗
I mean, did he always have a crush on her,
比如 他是不是一直对她有好感
even when my mom was around?
甚至是从我妈生前就开始
It's one thing for a 13-year-old to position his babysitter
一个十三岁的少年故意让他保姆
in front of an open refrigerator so that he can enjoy
站在打开的冰箱前 好让他欣赏到
the backlit contours of her beautiful body in the silk blouse
保姆穿着他从兰德尔妈妈那偷来送她的
he stole from Randall's mother.
真丝衬衫的美妙身姿是一回事
But if he was doing the same thing?
但如果他爸也做着同样的事呢
Uh, moving past your decision
先不管你
to steal trophy clothing from Randall's mom,
偷兰德尔妈妈的秀身材衣服的事
maybe you could just talk to your dad.
或许你可以直接找你爸谈
You know we don't talk in my family.
你也知道我们家从不谈事
We riff.
我们即兴而作
We do bits.
或者是讲个段子
You know how my dad told me my grandmother died?
知道我爸怎么跟我说祖母去世的吗
In a knock-knock joke.
用敲门笑话来跟我说
That is last year's Phil talking.
去年的菲尔才会这样说
In the spirit of living more dangerously,
本着活得更刺激的精神
why don't you take an emotional risk
你何不感情上冒次险
and -- and try and have an honest conversation with your father?
试着和你爸坦诚相见
Also,
还有
well, I may not be wearing Randall's mothers blouse,
我穿的虽不是兰德尔妈妈的短衫
but I thought maybe you'd like...
但我想或许你会想要...
And he's gone.
他已经走了
Uh, da-- how am I saying it wrong?
我怎么说错了
- His name is Keith. - No.
-他叫基斯 -不
Keef?
基夫
It couldn't be simpler.
简单得不得了
K-E-I-F-T-H. Keifth.
其土夫其斤 基夫斯
Fth. Fth.
夫斯 夫斯
A remarkable name for a remarkable man.
非凡的名字 非凡的人
Isn't ringmaster basically a ceremonial position?
马戏团领班基本上就是挂个名的职位吧
Uh, wow. I would love to live in your fantasy world
我真想生活在你的幻想世界
where circuses run themselves.
里面的马戏团能自行运转
Okay. Call and cancel.
好了 打电话取消
Then who's gonna save your dinner?
那谁来拯救你的晚餐
Besides, we don't even know if the concierge is actually Keifth.
而且我们并不确定那个服务生就是基夫斯啊
I'm gonna forget the velvety baritone
我会忘了半夜抛弃我的
that abandoned me in the middle of the night?
那个柔和男中音吗
And plus, he walks in here, I lose it,
还有 他来这里 我会失控
I don't want Lily to see that.
我不想莉莉看到那场面
Oh, she's not here.
她不在
She has that sleepover, and she already leffffth.
她要去朋友家过夜 已经"走夫斯"
Without saying goodbye?
都不说再见的吗
Then it hit me.
然后我突然想到
It could be therapeutic for Cam
让小卡见那个抛弃他的
to see this ridiculously named circus person who deserted him
名字滑稽的马戏团人士可能对他有好处
because that incident could be the very root
因为那件事可能就是他
of his pretty intense abandonment issues...
那么害怕被抛弃情结的根源
which are not unchallenging.
这事决不能说不折腾人
Where are you going?
你要去哪儿
To the bathroom.
去洗手间
Well, have a nice life.
祝你一生平安
What about Phil and Claire to take care of Joe?
让菲尔和克莱尔照顾乔怎么样
I don't know. Isn't Phil kind of silly?
我不知道 菲尔不是有点傻吗
What are you talking about? Phil is a great father.
你说什么呢 菲尔是很棒的父亲
He's kind.
他和善
He's fun.
风趣
Even Lily likes him.
甚至莉莉都喜欢他
But is he too likeable?
但他是不是太讨喜了
Where's the gravitas?
父亲的威严呢
He's full of energy.
他充满活力
He's sensitive,
他感情细腻
and he never, ever gets grumpy.
而且他从不会发脾气
Fine. Why don't you give Joe to Super Dad right now, then?
好 那你何不现在就把乔交给这个超级老爸
Oh, my God, are you really jealous
天啊 你真嫉妒了吗
because Phil might be a better father than you?
就因为菲尔可能是比你棒的老爸
I know it's stupid.
我知道这很蠢
Not to mention the fact that Joe gets Claire in the deal.
更别说这样的话乔还有了克莱尔
She's a fantastic mother.
她是个极出色的母亲
Runs a company, hell of a role model.
经营公司 绝对的楷模
He could never do better than that for a mother.
乔找不到比她更好母亲了
You know what, Phil and Claire have already raised their kids.
其实吧 菲尔和克莱尔终于养大了孩子们
I think it's time for them to travel.
我觉得他们该享受旅行了
There.
那里
That's where my disappear bag was hanging!
我的消失专用包原来就挂在那里
You have, like, a hundred missed calls from Gloria.
歌洛莉亚都快把你电话打爆了
You have to come back right now.
你们必须马上回来
Is everything okay?
出什么事了吗
What?
什么
There must be a bus stop nearby.
附近肯定有公交站台
Until then, just act normal
在那之前 表现得正常点
like we don't have $40,000 on us.
就像我们没带四万美金
Okay, why are you whispering only part of a sentence?
你为什么只半句小声说
That's going to attract attention.
会引起注意的
Really?
真的吗
More than you being covered in sweat?
比你浑身大汗更引注意吗
Because you look like a sauna wall.
你看着就像桑拿墙
You're right. How do I make myself stop sweating?
你说得对 我该怎么让自己别出汗呢
I don't know!
我不知道
Oh, don't cry. Crying's worse than sweating.
别哭 哭比出汗更糟
Oh look, now I'm crying too!
你看 我也哭了
Maybe we can smile our way out of this.
或许我们笑着笑着就不哭了
- Phil? - Yeah?
-菲尔 -怎么
Honey, come quick! Your dad passed out in the RV.
亲爱的 快来 你爸在房车上晕倒了
Oh, my God!
天啊
Dad, are you okay?
爸 你没事吧
Yeah, Claire just accidentally sprayed me with a garden hose.
没事 克莱尔刚不小心拿水管喷到我了
Really?
真的吗
Oh, Claire?
克莱尔
Sorry, stuck...
抱歉 卡住了
like many father/son relationships.
就像许多父子关系一样
So, uh, place looks great.
这里看着很棒
Yeah, Lorraine really spruced it up --
洛林把这里收拾一新
curtains,
窗帘
brass safety rails over the privy.
厕所装了铜护栏
That was really a lifesaver.
那可真是救命的玩意儿
She stopped short on the I-90 once.
她有次在90号公路上急刹车
I came rolling out of there like a Chinese acrobat.
我就像中国杂技演员一样翻了出去
Well, Lorraine seems good.
洛林感觉很不错
Hey, so Phil, uh, you seem a little off today.
菲尔 你今天貌似有点怪怪的
Me and Lorraine -- uh, that doesn't bother you, right?
我和洛林在一起 你不会觉得别扭吧
No. No.
不 不
Good. It's the craziest thing.
那就好 这事挺疯狂
She re-introduced herself,
她当时再次自我介绍时
and, uh, I didn't even remember she was our babysitter.
我根本不记得她是我们的保姆
Really?
真的吗
Yeah. Then she asked me out,
是啊 然后她约我出去
and you know, I don't get a lot of offers,
你也知道 约我的不多
so I thought, "What the heck?"
我就想 "管他的"
Sure. That's what I figured.
我猜也是
But, uh, I'm just glad you're having fun.
但我很高兴你过得愉快
Well, I better go fill this thing up
我最好去把我这瓶子
with some of Jay's expensive Scotch.
装满杰昂贵的威士忌了
Oh, actually, I think the door's locked.
其实 门似乎锁上了
Oh, no, it's fine.
没有 好得很
Well, Frank, I'm really sorry about that hose thing.
弗兰克 非常抱歉水管喷到你了
Oh, no hard feelings.
没什么
Shirt needed freshening anyway.
我衣服也该洗洗了
I haven't washed it
反正打从
since we stopped to take pictures at Smokey-Top,
上次我们停车下来跟火轮海拍照就没洗了
Utah's longest, continuously burning tire fire.
火轮海是犹他州历时最长的轮胎弃置场大火
As I guess you heard, I had no reason to be worried.
我猜你也听到了 我完全没什么好担心
He didn't even notice when Lorraine was my babysitter.
他本来都没意识到洛林曾是我的保姆
Plus, they're not even that serious.
而且他们也不是太认真在谈恋爱
I felt a ring box in his pocket.
我摸到了他口袋里有戒指盒
What? No way.
什么 不可能
Yep.
真的
There's only one thing shaped like that.
世上没有别的东西是那个形状了
No, there isn't. There's a million things --
才没有 那形状的东西多了
Rubik's Cube, sewing kit,
魔方 针线包
souvenir tire keychain from Smokey-Top.
火轮海的纪念品轮胎钥匙圈
I can't think of anything that's not shaped like that.
我都想不出有什么东西不是那形状了
Let's assume for a moment that I am right
我们就先假设一下我感觉对了
and that was a ring box.
那真的是戒指盒
Maybe it's worth exploring
我觉得挺值得探讨
why the idea of your dad remarrying
为什么你爸爸续弦
is setting you off like this.
会让你这么惴惴不安
Maybe it's worth exploring
或许也很值得探讨
why you find so much joy in tearing people down.
为什么你这么享受把人搞崩溃
In previous generations,
在早年
they accused people like that of being witches
人们可是会说你们这种人是女巫
猎女巫时期有很多毫无科学根据的查女巫手法
and threw water at them to see if they screamed.
朝你们泼水 如果尖叫就真是女巫
Great.
好棒棒
Witch.
女巫
Ah, Mr. Pritchett, I presume.
我猜您就是普里契特先生吧
Hi. Thank you so much for coming.
你好 谢谢你辛苦跑这一趟
I'm not sure I caught your name.
我不太确定我有没有听对你名字
- Keifth Banks. - Yes.
-基夫斯·班克斯 -太好了
At your --
随时为您...
Mitchell, sorry to interrupt.
米奇尔 抱歉打断你了
I didn't know you were with a common worker.
我不知道你在跟个普通工人聊天
Can it be?
万万没想到
Cameron Tucker.
卡梅隆·塔克
Yes. I'm sorry. You are...?
是的 不好意思 您是...
Keifth.
基夫斯
Keifth. I-I don't believe I know --
基夫斯 我好像不记得有认识...
No, C-Cam, didn't you tell me
不对 小卡 你不是跟我说过
you once dated someone named Keifth?
你曾跟一个叫基夫斯的人在一起过吗
Oh, yes. Keifth.
对啊 基夫斯
What was it you did again?
你当年是做什么的来着
I remember you wore white gloves and -- and gestured a lot.
我记得你戴着白手套 然后很多肢体动作
Subway mime?
地铁站的默剧演出者吗
I commanded a circus.
我是马戏团的领导
Yes. Now I remember.
是的 现在我想起来了
How have you been?
你还好吗
I see you're in pig delivery now?
你现在干起送猪到府的行当了吗
I'm a concierge.
我是一位礼宾人员
The circus business has gotten rather difficult.
马戏团的行当这年头越来越艰难
People today, they don't have the patience
现在的人没有那种耐心
for the more elegant pleasures of yesteryear --
去欣赏早年那种更优雅的演出了
men putting their heads into lion's mouths,
比如看人把头放进狮子嘴里
unfortunate little people being shot from cannons.
可怜的侏儒被从大炮里射出
I can't believe you-- you're meeting up again like this.
真不敢相信 你们会在这种情况下重逢
You must have so much to catch up on
你们之间肯定有很多话想聊
or -- or -- or work through.
或很多事想处理吧
Oh, well, I'm sure Keifth would rather
我相信基夫斯比较想
just make the delivery and disappear.
把东西送到之后就人间蒸发吧
Start there.
就从这个开始处理
To the matter at hand.
说说手里的这问题
The swap will be difficult.
要大换烤猪是比较困难的
Fortunately, I have had a bit of experience with misdirects --
幸好我对误导观众目光焦点颇有经验
just tell the audience to keep your eyes on the center ring!
只需要叫观众集中注意看着舞台中央
They won't even notice the trapeze act
他们就不会发现舞台上方的空中飞人
suffering through the more vivid stages of food poisoning.
正在艰难地度过食物中毒反应较大的阶段
That happened. I was there.
真事 我当时也在场
First, I will release a live peacock --
首先 我放出一只活孔雀
an exotic beauty of the Orient -- into the yard.
来自东方的异国珍兽 进后院
Magical.
太魔幻
Then, I will need something to lure him inside
然后我需要有能把它吸引进屋的东西
to draw the family's attention.
好吸引所有人的注意力
Do you happen to have any Andalusian filberts?
你们有西班牙安达卢西亚的榛果吗
No.
没有
Then Cheez-Its will do.
那就用起司小饼干吧
Naturally, everyone will be transfixed.
普通人在这时候都会呆住
And while they're distracted, we will swap out the pigs,
这时趁他们不注意 我们就把猪给换了
the dinner will be saved, and the show will go on.
晚餐就起死回生 表演就能继续
Just let me sneak a peek at the backyard.
让我先偷看一眼后院
Goodbye.
再见啦
Hey, Joe,
what has two heads, four legs, and can fly?
什么东西有两头四脚还会飞
I don't know.
不知道
Us. Aah!
我们
This is dangerous!
这样很危险
That's how you know we're alive!
玩心跳才知道自己还活着啊
It's like I said in my wedding toast --
就像我在婚礼致辞时说的
that bride of yours is fearless.
你的新娘天不怕地不怕
Yeah.
对啊
Funny thing is, we went to an amusement park earlier today
而奇怪的是 今天早先我们去了游乐园
and she was too scared to get on this one ride.
她却不敢去坐其中一个设施
Or she pretended to be
又或者她假装不敢
so that I wouldn't have to admit how scared I was.
这样我就不用承认自己有多怕坐那个了
I have a hunch that she's not the only one
我有个感觉 她不是今天
who's trying to protect my feelings today.
唯一一个想保护我感受的人
You seem to be rambling, son.
儿啊 你讲话有点含糊不清啊
When you hugged Claire earlier,
你早先跟克莱尔拥抱时
she felt a ring box in your pocket.
她摸到你口袋里有戒指盒状物
What? That wasn't a ring box.
什么 那才不是戒指盒
It was...where am I? I'm so old and confused.
那是... 我现在在哪里 我老糊涂了
Stop.
别演了
I'm not gonna say seeing you with Lorraine
我不会否认看到你跟洛林在一起
wasn't a little bit weird for me.
没有任何别扭的感觉
It was a crazy idea.
的确是很疯狂的一件事啦
That's not what I'm trying to say.
我要说的不是这个
That pig's got to be ready, doesn't it?
那头猪应该烤熟了吧
Dad, please.
爸 别这样
Son, can we please not do this?
儿啊 我们能不这样吗
Fine.
好吧
Knock, knock.
咚咚咚
That's more like it.
这还比较像话
Who's there?
是谁在敲门啊
- Your son. - Your son, who?
-你儿子 -哪位你儿子
Your son who'd hate to think you threw away
你那位不想你因为他而放弃
a shot at happiness just to protect his feelings.
自己幸福的机会来保护他感受的儿子
Here it is. All here. Just take it from me.
给你 都在这 从我手里拿走它吧
That's the most stress I've ever felt,
这是我这辈子压力最大的一次
and I spent two weeks underground
我可是曾在地底待过两周
as part of an isolation study.
来做孤独有关的研究呢
Okay.
好啦
So, I guess now we can finish this.
我们现在应该能把这弄完啦
Ay, Mitch. Mitch, come. Help us finish.
米奇 米奇 过来帮我们填完这个
Okay. Okay. We got to lightning round these forms.
好的 好的 我们用快问快答来填完这些表
You guys are overthinking this.
你们俩都想得太多了
Everybody knows in their heart what they want.
其实答案早就在每个人心里了
They just feel bad about making the decision.
大家只是都不好意思做出那决定
So, who will be the executor of your estate? Go.
那开始吧 你要选谁做你的遗嘱执行人 请作答
- You. - Aww. Okay.
-你 -好的
Um, do you want to leave anything to charity?
你有什么想要捐给慈善机构的吗
Yes.
10% to whatever is sexy at the time we die --
一成财产捐给我们去世时最拉风的慈善项目
like, um, orphans or whatever.
比如像孤儿什么的吧
Okay, okay, yeah. And what about Stella?
好的 好的 下一题那斯黛拉呢
Same as Manny.
跟曼尼一人一半
No, he's asking who's gonna take care of her,
不是 他是在问你斯黛拉该由谁来照顾
not how much money you're gonna leave to a murderer.
不是问你打算留多少钱给一个杀人凶手
No proof of that.
没证据证明她是啊
Okay, this seems like a whole sidebar,
好吧 感觉那事值得另外谈过
so we're gonna circle back to that.
我们一会再绕回来讨论这个吧
Um, who do you want as Joe's legal guardian?
下一个 你想要谁来做乔的法定监护人
No, no, don't think. Just answer, okay?
别 别去想 按直觉回答一个 好吗
If something happens to both of you,
如果万一你们两个都遭遇了不幸
who do you want to take care of Joe?
你最想要谁来照顾乔
Me, obviously.
我啊 这还用说
Ay, Manny, you're too young.
曼尼 你还太小了
Besides, you're about to start your new life soon.
而且不久之后你马上就要开始自己新的生活了
Yeah, you should be out sowing your oats
是啊 你应该致力出去播种
or just sewing.
或者致力织布吧
That's something you like.
反正你正好喜欢这个
I don't see what the big deal is.
我不觉得这有什么大问题
I'd hire a nanny, sell the house, downsize to a condo.
我会雇个保姆 卖了房子 换到小点的公寓里
I'm thinking maybe a loft in an up-and-coming arts district.
我在考虑正要蓬勃发展的艺术街区的复式楼
Sure, it'll take me a bit longer to finish college,
的确 这些事可能会延迟我大学毕业的时间
but aren't those the best years of life, anyway?
但反正大学也是生命里最好的一段时光 不是吗
The main thing is, he's my brother.
但最重要的是 他是我的弟弟
I'm not letting anybody else raise him.
我不会答应让除了我之外的人来把他养大
Ay, Manny. You're so sweet.
曼尼 你太贴心了
Am I the only one unsettled
难道我是唯一对他已经把
by how much he's thought about that already?
这事计划如此透彻而感到不安的人吗
-Oh, my God! Look! -What?
-我的天啊 快看 -什么鬼
Cast your spell, nature's kaleidoscope!
施放你的法术吧 大自然的万花筒
Why is there a blue turkey going into the house?
为什么会有一只蓝色的火鸡出现在房子里
It's a peacock.
那是孔雀好吗
It's really plowing through the Cheez-Its.
猛吃那一路的起司小饼干啊
Oh, we forgot to put the apple the new pig's mouth.
我们忘记塞苹果在新猪嘴里了
Oh, just leave it.
这事儿先扔下吧
Now that's your answer to everything, isn't it?
你解决所有问题的方式就是扔下吗
I deserve that.
你骂的对
I was a fool to think I could get through this
我是个傻子 居然以为能在你不提
without you bringing up the way I left.
我当年如何离开的方式下 处理完这事
Well, you broke my heart.
你伤透了我的心
I didn't mean to hurt you, Cameron.
我并不是故意要伤害你 卡梅隆
I just had to protect myself.
我只是不得不去保护自己
When we first met, you were just...
当初我们刚认识的时候 你就仿佛
pure, raw potential.
未经雕琢的璞玉
Your Missouri twang.
你的密苏里腔调
The innocent way your shirt cuffs
不懂得怎么弄衬衫袖口的样子
were no different than your sleeves.
显得你单纯又可爱
Once you emerged from your country cocoon,
只要你从你乡村的这茧中破蛹而出
I knew it was just a matter of time
而我知道这是迟早的事情
before you realized you could do better and moved on.
你就会发现世界很大 然后就往天空飞去
But you never even said goodbye.
但你连一声再见都没有说过
For all these years, I-I thought it was my fault.
这些年来 我一直觉得是我做得不够好
Oh, no.
不 不
No.
不是这样的
I was a coward.
我是一个懦夫
I just ran away to join another circus.
我就这么跑了 然后加入了别的马戏团
I suppose you could say the --
我猜你可以这么说
the one ring you never mastered was the ring of life.
你没能领导的那"环"舞台 名为因果循"环"
Well, that's kind of mean, but sure.
这吐槽有点狠 但所言在理
And look at your beautiful home.
不过看看你们这么漂亮的房子
Oh, it's... You've blossomed into the success
你已经成长为了一个成功人士了
I always knew you'd be.
我一直都相信你可以的
Correct.
没错
I did so enjoy our time together, Cameron.
我很享受我们在一起的时光 卡梅隆
Remember that split week between Lansing and Kalamazoo?
你还记得我们在两个城市来回表演的那一周吗
Oh, my gosh, how could I forget?
我的天 我怎么可能不记得
the rain dripping on the canvas.
雨滴落在帐篷顶上
Me sneaking into your wagon after curfew.
马戏团宵禁之后 我偷溜进你的马车里
I believe that was the first time you saw me...
我想那应该是你第一次看见我的大...
without my top hat.
礼帽没戴在头上的时候
Okay.
好吧
Well, wounds healed,
好了 疗伤完毕
whole new perspective, off you go.
开始新的篇章 您可以放心走了
Goodbye, Cameron.
再见 卡梅隆
Goodbye, Keifth.
再见 基夫斯
Oh, hey, honey.
是你啊 亲爱的
I, uh... Whatcha doing?
这是要做什么
Oh, I think it's cute how scared he is.
他这么紧张的样子看起来好可爱
Yeah, but he's doing it.
对啊 但他去做了
Yes.
我愿意
There's one Dunphy who's not afraid to live dangerously.
一个不怕活得刺激点儿的邓菲家男人
Hey, Claire?
我说 克莱尔
They're open for two more hours.
它们还有两个小时才打烊
Everything's gonna be okay.
一定会平安无事的
2017 2017!
It's gonna be a great yea--
将会成为很棒...
Phil?
菲尔
Cam, this is so delicious.
小卡 这也太好吃了
Well, you know, after Thanksgiving,
你知道的 继上一个感恩节之后
I'm just happy nothing went wrong.
我只是庆幸这次一切都没有出差错
I love this seasoning.
我好爱这个调料
What gives it that nutty taste?
那个坚果口感是哪来的
It might be nuts, sweetheart.
可能就是坚果啊 亲爱的
Oh, no, he wouldn't put nuts in it.
不可能 他不会放坚果进来的
He knows I'm allergic.
他知道我对坚果过敏
Excuse me.
借过一下
Hi. Hi.
我回来了 回来啦
Hey, how was the ride?
云霄飞车感觉怎么样
Amazing. Phil fainted.
太棒了 但菲尔晕过去了
Claire.
克莱尔
Oh, come on, they were gonna find out.
别装了 他们肯定会发现的
I'm not spending $15 on this picture
因为我绝不可能花了15块钱买了这张照片
and not show it to everyone.
却忍住不给大家看
I'm just gonna need you to spit into this napkin.
我可能需要你把嘴里的东西吐在这张餐巾上
Epipen is on the way
肾上腺素针马上送到
Just keep the card
这卡你留着吧
Is that amazing?
是不是超赞