摩登家庭 第八季 Modern Family Season 8 第11集: Sarge & Pea

上映日期: 2,016

语言: 英语

影片类型: 喜剧 / 家庭

导演: 克里斯·科赫

演员: 艾德·奥尼尔 / 索菲娅·维加拉 / 朱丽·鲍温 / 泰·布利尔 / 杰西·泰勒·弗格森 / 艾瑞克·斯通斯崔特 / 里克·罗德里格兹 / 诺兰·古德 / 萨拉·海蓝德 / 阿芮尔·温特 / 奥布里·


台词
Can I have that dropped at the gift table for you?
我让人帮您把这放到礼物桌吧
Ah, I think I'll hang onto this. This is a special gift.
我自己拿着就好 这份礼物很特别
It's a wine fridge -- 36 bottles, stainless steel,
是个恒温酒柜 有36个瓶位 不锈钢制
dual temp zones for your whites, your reds.
有双温区 可分别存放白酒和红酒
She doesn't care. Okay. And neither did the priest.
她不在乎 刚才那个神父也一样
Father O'GodHe'sHot.
名为"帅炸了"的神父
I know. Those lips, right?
可不是吗 他的唇多性感啊
- Is that appropriate? - Appropriate?
-这样说神父合适吗 -合适吗
You never carried us around as proudly
你也从来没骄傲地抱着我们
as you're carrying around that thing.
像你现在抱着那玩意儿一样
30 years ago, I didn't do your Aunt Becky's closets for free.
30年前 我没有免费帮你贝姬姑妈做衣柜
The whole family got together and decided I was cheap --
全家的人都说我是小气鬼
m 71 60 b 71 0 161 0 161 60 b 161 120 71 120 71 60
m 20 0 l 209 0 b b b 11 228 0 218 0 209 l 0 20 b 0 11 11 0 20 0
原创翻译 双语字幕
called me "High Pockets."
叫我"铁公鸡"
Well, we'll see what her boy Brian says
我们就来看看她儿子布莱恩
when he opens what Esquire Magazine called
收到这个被时尚杂志评为
翻译: Eunice 洗七里
"The last under-counter wine fridge you'll ever need."
"再也不需换新的恒温酒柜"时 会怎么说
翻译: 火车站长赛太公 火车美人小兔美
High Pockets.
铁公鸡
Can we just find the bar?
我们直接到吧台去吧
校对: 赛太公欢庆火车站一周年
How funny would it be if I said no?
我如果说不去 是不是会超好笑
Mother of...us.
我勒个...妈
Mom! What is she doing here?
妈 她怎么会在这儿
时间轴: 三水
She's not even related to these people!
她跟这些人都没亲戚关系啊
Oh, my God.
天啊
You, me, Mom, Dad, alone.
只有你 我和爸妈
后期: 瓜瓜 总监: 怀念浓子的瓜瓜
Without Gloria to absorb the hate.
没有歌洛莉亚在这帮忙吸收仇恨的能量
Okay, why am I scared? I'm feeling scared.
我怎么慌了 我好慌啊
Because you are flashing back to every family event
因为你正回想起过去的每一次家族聚会
that ended with Dad whisper-screaming at Mom,
最后都是爸爸用气音吼妈妈说
"Would you calm down?" while she would swing her pocketbook
"你冷静点" 而她都会狂甩手拿包
around until it burst open like a pill-packed pinata.
直到包包像墨西哥陶罐一样爆开 掉出一堆药丸
Oh, God. I-I don't want to be the make-a-scene family. Again.
天啊 我不想再当闹笑话的那家人
Well, Dad's not leaving until they award him CNN Hero
爸爸在他们为酒柜颁发个英雄奖给他之前
for bringing the wine fridge,
是不会走的
so maybe we just each take a parent
所以我们要不各领走一个家长
and try and keep them apart as much as possible?
尽量不让他们碰到面
Probably our best shot at an uneventful day.
这是我们最可能平安度过今日的方法了
But can we please not fight over who has to care of --
但我们能不能别争让对方去陪着...
Mom!
Mitchell!
米奇尔
Hi.
你好
Oh, it's so good to see you, honey.
见到你真开心 宝贝儿
家 庭
摩 登
第八季 第十一集
Hey. I got us a campus map, and look at this --
我找来一份校园地图 你看看
My old college frat has a chapter here!
里面有一章特别介绍我以前大学兄弟会呢
By legacy rights, I'm entitled
根据继承权力 我有权
to use the main-floor bathroom and sign out a frisbee.
使用主层的洗手间和登记借走飞盘
Cool.
Wow, you're really giving those bands a workout.
你用这带子健身得挺猛啊
Oh, just burning off some nervous energy.
想释放一些紧张情绪
They don't ask questions on a college tour, right?
他们不会在参观大学途中问问题吧
Luke and I, Gloria, and Manny are going on a college tour!
卢克 我 歌洛莉亚和曼尼要去参观大学
Safety school for Manny, long shot for Luke,
是曼尼的保底大学 对卢克来说则是机会渺茫
which hasn't been great for his self-esteem.
这很伤他自尊心
Luckily, as a former cheerleader,
幸好 作为曾经的拉拉队队员
I haven't lost my gift for lifting spirits.
我还记得怎样鼓舞士气
Though I can no longer make an N with my body.
虽然我的身体已经不再柔软 摆不出N字了
This is a great workout.
这样健身挺有效的
Ow! No!
Sorry, sorry! Guys, come look!
抱歉 抱歉 你们快来看
I did something very bad.
我做了顽皮的坏事
Manny is taking a nap,
曼尼在睡午觉
so I put a pig-a-let in the bed!
我就把小猪放到床上去了
Oh, my God.
天啊
Where'd you get that?
你从哪里弄来的
You remember those farmers that we met?
你还记得我们遇到的那些农民吗
You'll be surprised what they'll do for a couple of big tips.
你想象不出他们为了一点小钱愿意做出什么事
What did you hear?
你听到什么了
Aah! Whoa! What is that?!
要死了 什么鬼啊
It's a pig-a-let!
是只小猪
Man, you should see your face!
你真该看看自己的表情
Ohh, it licked my face! Why would you do this?
它还舔了我的脸 干嘛这样啊
Aye, Manny, don't be so uptight!
曼尼 别那么严肃
I'm preparing you for college
我在帮你备战大学生活
so that you fit in and make some friends.
到时你就可以融入大家 交上朋友了
I took the idea from watching "The Animal House,"
我从电影《动物屋》里学来的招数
两部电影皆描述了有关大学兄弟会的故事
"The Old School" Movie...
还有《单身男子俱乐部》
College is about higher education, not pranks.
上大学是为了接受高等教育 不是恶作剧整人
Nerd!
书呆
- There she is! - Hey, lady.
-她在那儿呢 -美女
Yeah, I can't give you free stuff.
我不能给你们免单
- Let's go. - Okay, take care.
-我们走吧 -好 保重
Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
等等 等等 等等
Oh, my gosh. It's her.
天啊 是她
Who?
谁啊
The blonde over there in the cute jacket and fab shoes.
坐在那边 外套美鞋子赞的金发女
If that's who I think it is, we hate her so hard.
如果真是我想的那个人 我们超讨厌她
Last night, I was robbed. That's right.
昨晚我被打劫了 没错
There I was at Lily's dance recital,
我去看莉莉的舞蹈演出
breathlessly anticipating
屏住呼吸期待
my baby's first-ever ballet solo.
我宝贝女儿的首次芭蕾独舞
Okay, here it comes.
马上到了
This moment is worth every cent of the $2,000 in lessons.
为了这一刻 花掉的两千块舞蹈课钱都值了
What?
Oh, my gosh. I can't see.
天啊 我看不到了
Didn't they say no filming?
不是说了不许拍摄吗
Excuse me. Miss?
不好意思 女士
Did you just see that?
你看到她多过分吗
That horrid woman robbed me
那个可怕的女人劫走了我
of my proud daddy moment
当骄傲爸爸的珍贵时刻
and forced me to lie to my daughter.
害我得向女儿说谎
"You danced beautifully, Lily!" But did she?
"你跳得太棒了 莉莉" 可是是真的吗
I have no idea!
我咋知道啊
Why didn't you smack her down last night?
你昨晚怎么不把她击倒啊
With words, obviously.
我是指用语言击倒
Wait, can gays smack women?
等等 男同可以扁女人吗
No.
不行
No! You know what,
不行 你知道吗
I would have cussed her out last night,
我昨晚本来要大骂她的
except the selfish hag left the moment
可那自私的老巫婆在她女儿一跳完
her daughter's dance was over.
就溜走了
I hope there's no rule in here about causing a commotion.
希望这餐厅不禁止暴乱
I mean, we didn't really feel the need
我们是觉得不需要
to put it up on a sign because, you know, civilization.
特地竖个牌子写明不可以 毕竟是文明社会了
Well, I answer to a higher law.
我遵从的是老天爷的法律
Hey! Get back here!
给我回来
You don't even know it's her.
你都不确定是不是她
You're basing this off of the back of the head
你凭黑暗里看到的一个后脑勺
of someone you saw in the dark.
就认定这是她
That may be how you recognize your old boyfriends, but...
或许你能从"背后"认出前男友 但...
Excuse me.
不好意思
As much as I admire that and do intend on using it
虽然我很欣赏你的招数 并打算不给你功劳
on Mitchell without giving you any credit, there is a line.
就让米奇尔来试这招 但做人要有底线
So, Mom, I didn't know that you would be, uh, be here.
妈 我都不知道你要来
Oh, well, I wasn't planning on it --
我本来也没打算来
I haven't seen these people since the divorce --
离婚后都没见过这些人了
Yeah. But then my new hubby had to work,
但我新老公要去工作
and I thought -- "Write a new story, Dede."
我于是心想 "写个新故事吧 迪迪"
Yeah!
就是啊
So, are you here alone, or...?
你一个人来的吗 还是...
You look great! This dress is beautiful!
你好美啊 这条裙子真漂亮
Oh, thank you.
谢谢
I found it in the trunk of a car I bought.
我从买来的车子的后尾箱里捡的
Oh. One second, Mom.
稍等 妈妈
Oh, this is Cam texting.
是小卡
The picture of the back of someone's head
是一个人的后脑勺的照片
and the words, "Is this her?"
还写着 "是她吗"
No idea what you are talking about.
不知道你在说什么
Kissy face.
亲亲表情
Excuse me. Can we get a pic?
不好意思 能帮我们照张相吗
Honey!
宝贝儿来
Dad, that's sweet.
爸 你真有心
Really?
不是吧
If we get separated, there's a record.
如果我和礼物分开了 还有证据
Oh, God.
天啊
Hey, don't be mad.
别生气
Are you kidding?
你不是吧
She vanished, okay?
她消失了 好吗
Those shoes she makes are soundless.
她做的那些鞋子走路没声音的
Oh, there you are!
你们在这儿啊
Okay.
好啊
if it isn't my first family.
这不是我的第一任家庭吗
What a surprise, huh?
真没想到你也会来
Yeah! I guess Brian invited me
是啊 我想布莱恩邀请我
because of that summer we took him in.
是因为那个夏天我们收留过他
Remember when I caught you trying on Brian's underpants?
还记得你偷偷试穿布莱恩的内裤被我抓到吗
No, what even -- Mom!
不记得 你在说什么 妈
Oh, is it just the four of us?
这桌只有四个人吗
Yeah!
是的
Yes, and where are you sitting, Mom?
是的 你的座位在哪 妈
I can walk you back to your table.
让我送你回你那桌吧
In a minute.
再等一会儿
I'd like to visit a little.
我想叙叙旧
I don't even know anyone at my table.
我那桌的人我一个都不认识
Well, Gloria's not here...
既然歌洛莉亚今天没来
Oh, thank you, Jay.
谢谢你 杰
Here. Let me, uh...
让我帮你腾个位置
Well, this is fun.
这样真好
- The band's back together. - Yeah.
-老队伍又会合了 -是啊
Would anyone care for some champagne?
有人想来杯香槟吗
- Oh, yeah. - I'd love some.
-想 -我想来一杯
- Oh, you bet. Yeah. - Thank you.
-你猜对了 -谢谢
I'll just take the tray.
一整盘都留下吧
Admission has gotten tougher.
入学越来越困难了
Only about 4 out of 10 applicants get accepted.
10位申请者中大约只有4位能入学
You've beaten worse odds than that.
比那更低的几率你都克服过
We forgot to get you vaccinated till you were 6.
我们直到你6岁才想起给你接种疫苗
The University boasts many noted graduates --
本大学有许多引以为傲的毕业生
research scientists, journalists,
科研人员 新闻工作者
and one pretty well-known playwright.
还有一位挺出名的剧作家
Wow. "Pretty well-known?"
什么叫"挺出名"
Imagine how many cookies
"著名的阿摩司"牌饼干
they could have sold if they called them
如果叫"挺出名的阿摩司"
"Pretty Well-Known Amos's."
卖得出去才怪
I tied your shoelaces together.
我把你两只脚的鞋带绑在一起了
Mom, what's going on with you?
妈 你这几天是怎么了
I am preparing you.
我在帮你做心理准备
If you can't laugh at yourself,
如果你不能自嘲
then you'll become a target.
就会成为被人嘲笑的目标
College crazy time, man!
大学可疯狂了 哥们
Excuse me, Steffi?
打扰一下 史黛菲
My son Tim here developed a finance app
我儿子蒂姆开发了一个金融应用程序
that caught the eye of some folks at JP Morgan,
摩根大通公司的人很感兴趣
so he'll need to keep that going along with school.
所以他得一边上学一边继续开发
No problem.
没问题
Many students work while taking class.
许多学生在校时都有工作
- Excuse me, Steffi? - What are you doing?
-打扰一下 史黛菲 -你干什么
My son Lucas here is a recognized amateur trampolinist.
我儿子卢卡斯是经认证的业余蹦床运动员
Dad!
I'm assuming you guys have a training facility
我想你们应该有相应的训练设施
so he can continue his pursuits in the applied bouncing arts?
让他能继续追求这门应用跳跃的艺术吧
I'm not sure I'm understanding...
我好像没听懂
Do you guys have a trampoline?
你们有没有蹦床
I think there's a small one in the daycare center.
托儿所好像有张小的
There are no small trampolines, only --
世上没有不够大的蹦床 只有...
You know what? We can move on.
我们还是继续吧
Everybody, this way!
大家这边走
Just go ask her if she was at the recital,
你就直接问她昨晚有没有去看舞蹈演出
and then tell her off if she says yes.
如果她说有 就把她骂跑
No, I can't, because if it's her,
不行 我不能问 因为如果是她
she'll sense confrontation coming and deny it.
她会感觉到敌意然后否认
People can always tell when I'm in attack mode.
我转到攻击模式时总能被人看出来
- Mm, flared nostrils? - No.
-因为你气得鼻孔扩大吗 -不是
Vein in your forehead? Blotchy neck?
因为你气得额头爆血管 脖子起红疹吗
No! You know what,
不是 你们知道吗
and just a head's up, you both are turning into your mother.
别怪我没提醒 你俩越来越像你们老妈了
Okay.
好吧
New plan.
新计划
What-What are you doing?
你要干什么
Well, if there's video of Lily's recital on her iPad,
如果她平板电脑上有莉莉演出的视频
then I know it's for sure her,
我就能肯定是她
and plus, I can e-mail it to myself
再说我还能把视频发给自己
and have a proper viewing party.
再办个正式的观影派对
Ooh, I've got a thing.
我那天有事
Yeah, I'll probably be working.
我八成要工作
I haven't even set a date yet.
我日子都还没定呢
Okay, there's a passcode.
好吧 要密码
Well, of course there's a passcode.
当然要密码
Give me that.
给我
All right, well, she ordered a powdered doughnut, so...
好的 她点了撒糖粉的甜甜圈 所以
All right.
果然
Chalky fingerprints on the 8, the 5, the 3, and the 1.
数字8 5 3和1上面都有带粉的指纹
Your passcode is some combination of those four.
密码是那4个数字的某种组合
Oh, my God. You're brilliant.
我的天 你太天才了
Last year, I was doing differential topography at Cal Tech,
去年我还在加州理工学院做微分地形学
and now I sketch leaves in milk foam
如今却为老大不小还玩滑板的人
for adult skateboarders.
在奶泡上画叶子
I need something more.
我需要找点别的追求
- She's coming back. - What?!
-她回来了 -什么
She's coming back.
她回来了
I left my iPad on the table, and somebody took it.
我把平板电脑留在桌上 被人偷走了
Oh, gosh! I didn't --
天哪 我没...
Didn't what? Do your job?
没什么 做好你的工作吗
It's not like you're so busy you don't have time to --
你也没忙到不能...
Excuse me. I couldn't help overhearing.
打扰一下 我不小心听到你们说话
Um, are you talking about that iPad in that bag there?
你说的平板电脑是包里那个吗
- Oh, God. - 'Cause there's an iPad there.
-天啊 -因为包里就有个平板电脑
What a ditz.
我真是白痴
Ugh, I guess I'm just nervous for this stupid blind date
我这次荒唐的相亲让我太紧张了
I never should have agreed to.
我真不该答应下来
Oh, no.
糟糕
You're not Richard, are you?
你该不会就是理查德吧
Uh, yes. I-I am Richard.
是的 我就是理查德
I'm your blind date.
我是你的相亲对象
You're, uh, Ana.
你就是安娜吧
Oh! Am I the worst person ever?
我这人真是糟糕透顶 对吧
Well, that's what we're here to find out.
相亲的目的不就是摸清你是个怎样的人吗
Kidding! Please sit!
开玩笑的 快请坐
I hope that is her. She's gross.
我希望是她 她这人真恶心
I want him to yell at her.
我想看他骂她
- Yeah. - Excuse me.
-是啊 -打扰一下
Um, I'm here for a blind date,
我是来相亲的
and my friend didn't even give me a picture.
但我朋友没把对象的照片发给我
I just know the woman's name.
我只知道那位女士的名字
Any chance you served an Ana?
你的顾客中有名叫安娜的吗
Oh! Well, this is crazy.
真是无巧不成书
Ana, say hello to, uh...
安娜 快来见见
- Richard. - Yeah.
-理查德 -正是
Um, sorry, I don't mean to be forward,
不好意思 我无意唐突
but Vanessa kind of undersold how attractive you are.
但你比瓦妮莎形容得美多了
Wowza.
太惊艳了
The things I've done because people tell me I'm pretty,
我因为被说漂亮而做过的无下限事太多了
you'd almost think I wasn't pretty.
差点会让人以为我其实不漂亮
So, 1986,
1986年
we were just coming back from my sister Bebe's wedding
我们刚参加完我姐碧碧的婚礼回来
when I first had my dream about murdering you.
那是我第一次梦到谋杀你
No! Mitchell has a funny story
别说了 米奇尔有个有趣的故事
that doesn't open old wounds
不会揭开旧疮疤
about Cam at a dance recital.
讲的是小卡在舞蹈演出的事
He got so mad, didn't he, Mitchell?
他当时气坏了 对吧 米奇尔
Tell them!
快告诉他们
So mad.
是气坏了
That wasn't '86. That was '87.
那不是86年 是87年
The reason we were late was because of that damn
我们迟到是因为你逼我参加
Hands Across America that you made me do.
那个全美手拉手的破活动
Hands was '86,
手拉手是在86年
and you thanked me afterwards
你事后还感谢我了
because you got to hold hands with someone
因为和你拉手的人
that was holding hands with Willie Nelson.
另一只手拉的是著名歌手威利·纳尔逊
What the hell was that whole thing about, anyway? Hunger?
那个活动是为什么筹善款来着 解决饥饿吗
Hand somebody a sandwich in San Francisco
在旧金山递给某人一个三明治
and pass it down the line
沿着人手传下去
till some bum gets ahold of it in Boston?
一直传到波士顿某个流浪汉手里吗
Hunger, yeah. Definitely.
饥饿 是的 绝对是
Um, Mitchell is on a diet, speaking of hunger.
说起饥饿 米奇尔在节食呢
What can you eat now?
你现在能吃什么
Uh... less.
吃少点
Sweetie, I see what you're doing,
宝贝 我明白你的用意
but this whole controlling thing -- it's challenging.
但你控制欲这么强 很难相处
Works good in the office,
在办公室很有帮助
but sometimes she's as tight as a camel's ass in a sandstorm.
但有时她比沙暴中骆驼的屁股还紧绷
Ooh, this seems aggressive.
您这话略伤人吧
I'm just gonna --
我想去
May I be excused to go to the bathroom?
能原谅我去用一下洗手间吗
Yeah. Me too. Be right back.
我也去 马上回来
Hey! You do not get to do this.
你别想跟我来这招
You do not get to shut down on me
不许你用你小时候
like you did when we were kids.
对他们搞自闭的招数来对我
I am not gonna sit here taking the heat
我才不要在这里帮你顶着压力
while you go hide in your room blasting Pat Benatar.
而你却躲回房间大听女摇滚歌后的歌
Why are we even all sitting together?
我们到底为什么要坐在一起啊
This is my plan.
我有个计划
You're gonna come up with a reason
你得想出个理由
to take Mom back to her table.
把妈带回她那桌
Maybe you want to unload some gay stuff
可能你有一些基佬事儿想倾诉
you don't want Dad to hear?
而你又不想老爸听见
You're lovely.
你人"真好"
But my dream analyst helped me realize
但我的梦境分析师帮我认识到
that I never wanted to murder you.
其实我从未真的想要谋杀你
I wanted to murder the part of myself that was so angry.
我想谋杀的是自己心中的愤怒
You were angry because I was an inconsiderate blow-hard.
你会愤怒是因为我情商低又爱吹牛逼
Oh, don't do that.
别怪自己了
We had plenty of good times, didn't we, Sarge?
我们也有过许多欢乐时光啊 对吧 大人
You bet we did, Pea.
当然啦 小豆宝
What fresh hell is this?
这又是什么鬼
We'll end our tour here at our iconic bell tower.
参观之旅就在地标钟楼下结束啦
See you all at tonight's mixer!
晚上的派对见啦
Hey. Before we go back, you want to do something fun?
我们回去前 想做点好玩的吗
Follow me.
跟我来
- Check it out! -A bell?
-快看 -看个钟吗
Not just a bell.
不是单纯的钟
A series of bells fed into an ingenious instrument
是一系列不同的钟组合成一种独特的乐器
known as a carillon.
名为钟琴
I monkied around with one back in the day.
想当年我也玩过这乐器
A cutie named Gretchen took me up to her belfry
一个叫葛雷琴的小妞带我上她钟楼
and showed me some moves,
亮了几招来让我"大开眼界"
which I now realize sounds sexual.
我现在意识到这话听起来有点黄
Not really. You talk like this a lot.
还好啦 你说话常这样
The point is, Gretchen got a full ride
重点是 葛雷琴靠着玩钟绝活
treading bells like these. Wow, that's high.
得到了奖学金呢 好高啊
Maybe you could, too.
或许你也可以啊
Get you into a class on...
让你去上个班...
What? I'm gonna learn all this in three months?
然后呢 在三个月之内学会吗
You're a quick study!
你学习速度很快啊
Look at how fast you learned magic.
你看你多快就学会魔术了
I got a home movie of you pulling an impossibly long chain
我还有你小时候从你的尿布里拉出一条
of baby wipes out of your diaper.
超级无敌长的湿纸巾的影片呢
Okay, I was 5 in a diaper.
我五岁了还着穿尿布
That's not really a sign of a quick learner.
那不能算作我学习速度快的证明吧
I believe you can do anything you put your mind to.
我相信只要你愿意下功夫 你什么都能做到
Why?
为什么啊
Oh! Shoot!
我去
I guess it's all computerized now.
看来现在都是全自动化的了
Who cares?
那又怎样
God, I hate it when you do this.
靠 我真的超讨厌你这样
Do what? You look mad. Are you mad?
哪样啊 你看起来挺生气 你在生气吗
...and I keep telling you,
我跟你说过很多次了
but it's like you're not hearing me!
可是感觉你从来没听进去
I'm not. Wait, don't talk yet.
真听不到 等等 先别说
Go now, quick!
现在 快说
Stop acting like I'm someone I'm not!
别再装作我不止如此
Stop telling me how great I am when it's not true!
别再我明明没那么好 却猛称赞我
Don't you see how much pressure that is?!
你看不出这样会给我造成很大压力吗
Luke, don't you walk away from --
卢克 不许你转身离我...
...me!
而去
I'm your --
我可是你...
How are you 36?
你怎么可能36岁啊
I just can't get over how young you look.
脑子里一直在想你看起来超年轻
The trick is to not smile too hard.
诀窍就是别笑太大
You're funny.
你真有意思
I did not expect that from a seismologist.
我真没想到地震学家也能这么有趣
Which, by the way, how did you get into that?
说到这里 你是怎么进入这行的啊
Oh, um, it's just always come easy for me.
天赋异禀 老天爷赏饭吃吧
You know? I look at people
就是我只要扫一眼别人
and I just instinctively know their size.
很直觉就能知道她们的尺码
People are like, "Oh, I'm a 4,"
比如人家说"我衣服穿4号"
and I'm like, "Who you foolin', girl?
我就会说"少来了 胖妹
You a 10."
你穿10号"
Ma'am, here is that napkin you asked for.
女士 这是您要的纸巾
Oh, thanks.
谢谢
Ha ha. Fooled you.
哈哈 骗到你了吧
I was just joking about clothing stuff.
刚才衣服的事情就是开玩笑
The real reason why I got into studying earthquakes
我真正开始学习地震的原因呢
is because I love nature.
是因为我热爱大自然
I guess that would explain the ornithology interest, too, huh?
所以也难怪你对禽学也有兴趣了吧
Miss, could I have another...
小姐 能再给我递张...
Um, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
好啦 好啦 好啦
Angels have always been cool,
天使一直都是超酷的东西嘛
but not as cool as birds!
但是再酷也没鸟类酷
I love birds!
我超爱鸟类
I mean, I love my mother, I do,
我爱我妈妈啊 真的
but it's like her needs come before everyone else's.
可是她这人自我中心 不考虑他人感受
You know that kind of person?
你认识这样的人吗
I think I do, yeah.
我好像真有认识呢
Wait, why was I talking about her?
等等 为啥我开始聊起我妈了
I don't know. The question was --
不知道啊 我本来是问
"What did you do last night?"
"你昨晚做什么了"
And the question stands.
这问题我还在等你回答
Sorry.
抱歉
Ex-husband.
我前夫
Honestly, it's like he can't be with my son
他就不能跟我儿子共处超过三小时
for more than three hours without texting me some inane question.
并且不问我一些没意义的愚蠢问题吗
Oh -- Oh, you have a son?
原来你有个儿子啊
Love of my life.
我的一生挚爱
He took the divorce pretty hard.
离婚这事对他打击挺大
He's...different, you know?
他比较特别 你懂吗
He's really --
他比较...
He's creative and sensitive,
他很有创意 内心敏感
and he gets picked on a lot at school.
在学校常常受欺负
You know, it's like, thank God for his dance class.
真是幸好有他的舞蹈班
I feel like it's the only place
感觉那里好像是唯一
that I see, like, real joy on his face.
我能看到他感到真正开心的地方
I knew it.
我就知道
You're the worst!
你就是个大烂人
Excuse me?
你说什么
I'm not Richard, you fool.
我不是理查德 你个白痴
I'm the father you and your giant iPad
我是被你跟你的大平板
robbed of his daughter's first ballet solo.
夺走自己女儿初次芭蕾独舞的父亲
I hope whatever reason you had
我本来期望你有个
to prioritize your child over mine was a good one,
很好的理由才把自己孩子放在我孩子之上
and now that I hear it, it's pretty close,
而现在我听到理由 虽然挺有理
I have to admit, but still.
这我承认 但你还是烂
You're a maniac,
你真是个神经病
but I'm grateful
但我挺庆幸的
because this has been one of the most abysmal dates
因为这是我一生中所去过
I have ever been on.
最烂的约会之一了
People think that cats are standoffish,
大多数人觉得猫咪都很冷淡
but my guy, when I come home --
但我家的这只 每当我回家时...
Okay, I've got to stop you right there.
好了 我得请你暂停一下了
I'm not Ana, and this isn't happening.
我其实不是安娜 我们之间也不来电
I had a feeling.
我感觉到了
Can I at least take a picture with you
我能起码跟你合个影吗
so I can tell other women we dated?
这样我能跟其他女人说我跟你约会过
What? No!
什么 不行
You're right.
你说得对
It's just that you're so pretty.
只是因为你真的超漂亮
All right, get in here.
好啦 过来拍一张吧
Ma'am?
小姐
Manny, come on.
曼尼 别这样
We're going to be late for the mixer.
我们去派对要迟到了
Excuse me, did I say your time-out was over?
不好意思 我让你从冷板凳起来了吗
Back on the bed.
回你床上去
I'm sorry, okay? No more pranks.
对不起嘛 再也不整你了
I promise.
我发誓
I just wanted to have fun with you. Geez!
我就是想跟你玩一下嘛 真是的
I forgot I did that one!
我忘了我在里面动了手脚
Aye, Manny! Por favor!
曼尼 对不起嘛
Get out. Get out!
出去 你给我出去
Luke, we should talk about this!
卢克 我们来谈谈
There's nothing to talk about.
没什么好谈的
And you're not coming to this stupid party.
你也别想来这个白痴的派对
- I'm going alone. - So am I.
-我要自己去 -我也是
Like I want to take some stupid bell class
我才不想去上什么傻逼钟琴课
so we can all find out there's one more thing I can't do.
只为了发掘另一个我不擅长的领域
Oh, boo-hoo. Your dad believes in you.
别说了 至少你爸对你有信心
My mom's treating me like I'm on some Japanese game show.
我妈把我当日本整人节目的来宾一样
Fine! You win!
好 你赢
You win worst parent, you win college.
比爸妈差劲你赢 比考大学你赢
Hope you have fun here while I'm shoveling poo
祝你万事都赢 我就去地下铲屎处
in some underground poo-shoveling place.
铲屎就好啦
Well, why'd you even come here
如果你确信自己考不上
if you're so sure you can't get in?
为什么还要来呢
I don't know.
我也不知道
Maybe because this is the one place we might both get in.
大概这是唯一一个我们都能考上的地方
That might make this whole thing a little less scary!
和你一起 大学才不会那么可怕
Well, that's the only reason I applied, too!
我也是因为这样才报名这里啊
-Then why are we fighting?! -I don't know!
-那我们还吵什么 -我哪知道
So, are we still going to the party?
那我们还去派对吗
Yeah, I'll put on a hat!
去啊 等我戴个帽子
I just wanted Luke to feel good about himself, you know?
我只想让卢克对自己有点自信
Cheer him on a little.
想给他加加油而已
Maybe there is such a thing as too much cheerleading.
大概过分鼓励也不好
You tell him he can do anything, and when he can't,
如果你总是说有多相信他
he feels like he's disappointing you.
那他一旦失败 就会觉得令你失望了
Luke knows I'd never be disappointed in him.
卢克知道我永远不会对他失望
Does he? Luke is very sweet,
是吗 卢克是很贴心
but he doesn't know a lot of things.
但也不是总那么灵光啊
So I'm supposed to pump him up,
所以我应该适当鼓励他
but not so much that he's afraid to let me down.
但不要过度鼓励以致他会担心令我失望
It's ironic that I'm struggling with this
我做不好这件事也挺讽刺的
since my greatest cheerleading move was threading the needle.
因为我最厉害的拉拉队招式就是"穿针引线"
It's when your seven cheermates make hoop arms --
就是7名拉拉队队员这么圈起手臂
I don't care.
不想听
I just want Manny to learn how to take a joke.
我只想让曼尼能开得起玩笑
Yes, but there's a difference between a joke
但大喊"变态"然后把他
and yelling "Pervert!" before shoving him
他推进女更衣室还是跟
into the girls' locker room.
普通开玩笑有差别的
Aye, please, that was funny.
多好玩啊
Besides, I was the one who broke a heel
而且我这么挡着不让他出来时
trying to keep the door shut.
还把鞋跟弄坏了呢
College is a big change.
大学是人生中的重大改变
I'm just trying to keep it light for him.
我只想让他轻松应对
For him or for you?
是为了他还是为了你自己
Okay.
好啦
He's leaving me for the first time in his life.
这是他人生中第一次离开我
I've been married, I've been divorced,
我在婚姻中浮浮沉沉
I've lived here, I've lived there.
也曾不停搬家
I drove a taxi, I won "Star Search."
我开过出租车 也赢过"星探"节目
Through all the changes in my life, there was always us.
经历过的所有变化 曼尼一直在我身边
Like partners.
像我的搭档
If I don't keep this light, I am going to be very sad.
如果不保持搞笑的气氛 我会很难过的
I know. It stinks.
我知道 这不好受
You just have to hope they get irritating enough
只能祈祷年底时 孩子会把你烦得不行
by the end of the year that you're ready for them to go.
你就能开心地送他走了
Maybe I should give him his harmonica back.
那我应该把口琴还给他
That's the spirit.
这么想就对了
Here, take my half steak.
你吃我这半块牛肉
I'll take half your fish.
我吃你半条鱼
I got to trick my arteries every once in a while,
我偶尔得骗骗我的动脉
keep them on their toes.
不然他们又要造反了
Well, I don't know what you're doing,
虽然我不知道你最近在练什么
but you look great.
但你状态看起来很棒
And you look great, too.
你气色也不错
Oh, look, there's no line at the bar.
吧台那里有个空位
How about a Rob Roy for old time's sake?
看在往日情分去喝杯鸡尾酒如何
Oh, you remembered, Sarge.
中士 你还记得呢
That was the only drink I could keep down when I was pregnant.
这是我怀孕时唯一喝了不会吐的酒
Who are those people?
他们俩怎么了
You heard them. They're "Sarge" and "Pea."
你听到了 他们是"中士"与"小豆宝"
Two nicknames I have never heard in my entire life.
我从没听他们这样称呼对方
This kindness, I don't trust it.
我才不信他们俩能这么和谐
-I know, it's like a purple sky before a storm. -Exactly.
-我懂 暴风雨前的宁静 -对
Beautiful, until you realize the birds are agitated
美丽宁静 直到你发现鸟儿们惶恐不安
and ants are walking in circles.
蚂蚁也围成了一个圈
Actually, you know what?
那什么
My -- My stomach's feeling a little weird.
我胃不太舒服
I think I'm gonna take a walk, get a little fresh air.
我得去走走 呼吸下新鲜空气
Oh, no. You don't --
不准走
You are not running away this time. No.
这次我绝对不会让你跑了
Let go, bossy!
放开我 霸道鬼
Sit down. We are gonna suffer like a family!
给我坐下 家人有罪一起受
No. Don't -- Don't stretch out my jacket!
别抓我 你别拉我的外套
I just got back into slim fit!
我刚减肥到可以穿贴身版的
-Is everything all right? -Yeah.
-还好吗 -没事没事
-He's fine. -I just --
-他没事的 -我只是...
Oh, no, of course. Yeah, go get that.
是啊 亲爹如你 怎么会关心我呢
What's going on?
这是怎么了
-Oh... -She pushed me.
-没什么啦 -她推的我
I didn't push him.
我没推他
He just, you know, slipped, fell.
他只是日常滑倒
Sit down, sit down. You're causing a scene.
坐下 你们俩怎么这么多戏
It's very embarrassing.
太丢人了
You have been quite rude today, young lady.
大小姐 你今天脾气很爆啊
General Patton over there.
跟巴顿将军有一拼
乔治·巴顿 二战著名美国军事统帅 性格强势
And this one is basically a cardboard cutout
而你 就只会像布景一样傻坐着
who occasionally sip wine and sighs.
偶尔喝口酒 叹声气
We did not raise you to act like this.
我们可没教育你们成为这样的人
-Oh, excuse me. -No, I-I got it.
-恕我直言 -让我来唱这个红脸
No, in fact, you raised us to act exactly like this, okay?
你们一直就是这样言传身教的好吗
You two are the ones that are acting crazy.
你们俩才是今天发神经病的人
What are you talking about?
你在说什么
Who the hell are Sarge and Pea,
中士和小豆宝是谁啊
and where were they when we were growing up?
我们成长时怎么没见过这对神仙眷侣呢
Yeah, maybe if those two people had raised us,
如果是他们俩教养我们长大
there would have been room in our house
那么家里也不会
for other people to have emotions
容不下有血有肉有感情的人
and somebody wouldn't have had to shut himself down.
某人就不用搞自闭 封闭感情了
And maybe somebody wouldn't be trying
某人也不会总想着要
to control the whole world
掌控全世界了
because she couldn't control the chaos
全因为她长大的期间
in her own home growing up.
她控制不了家中的混乱
Oh, come on.
干嘛
We all know that's what's wrong with her.
我们谁不清楚她的问题在哪
- Oh, God. - So, come on.
-天 -所以
What do you have to say for yourselves?
你们是不是还欠我们个解释
- Well, you're not wrong. - True.
-你说的一点没错 -我也承认
- I'm -- I'm sorry. One more time. - What?
-你说什么 -我没听错吧
We didn't behave well when we were married,
我们没离婚时 是做得不够好
and I feel bad about that.
我也很内疚
Me too.
我也是
We thought we were staying together for you,
我们自以为硬不离婚是为了你们
but I don't know, maybe we'd forced you
但或许我们逼着你们
to live with two unhappy people for too long.
跟两个并不快乐的人相处了太久
But we're happy now.
但我们现在都很幸福
And that's probably why we're able to be our old selves today.
或许也因此 我们今天才能做最本来的自己
We should have said this a long time ago,
这些话我们早就该说
but we didn't give you the kind of home you deserved,
没能给你们一个美满的家庭
and for that, we're sorry.
我们真的很抱歉
Well, you -- I mean, there was --
你们不必这样
There was happy times, too.
我们也有过幸福的时刻啊
Yeah, no, it wasn't all crazytown.
对啊 也不是一直都很疯癫
- It was... - Yeah.
-也有开心的时候 -是啊
Listen.
We're good, right? We can go?
话都说开了 我们能去跳舞了吗
Yes. Of course.
-去吧 -当然
Wow. How about that?
真没想到
An apology.
他们居然道歉了
I don't think I ever thought it would feel so good.
我从没想过我会如此释然
I do like seeing them happy.
看他们相亲相爱的样子我是很开心的
Yeah.
是啊
Ohh, you.
别哭了
Shut up.
你闭嘴
I feel stuff.
我不像你是机器人
I know.
我懂啦
歌洛莉亚·迪尔加多模特代言人
Son of a bitch! That is coconuts!
天啊 太牛了
I remember you!
我还记得你呢
Do you miss spokesmodeling?
你怀念当模特代言人的时光吗
Aye, I do a boat show every now and then.
我现在还偶尔做个帆船博览会呢
That's how I keep my hand in it.
我是这么保持还在业界活动的
Watch, watch.
快看
This is how I sealed the deal.
这是我的绝杀招数
It's you again.
又有一个你