摩登家庭 第八季 Modern Family Season 8 第12集: Do You Believe in Magic

上映日期: 2,016

语言: 英语

影片类型: 喜剧 / 家庭

导演: 克里斯·科赫

演员: 艾德·奥尼尔 / 索菲娅·维加拉 / 朱丽·鲍温 / 泰·布利尔 / 杰西·泰勒·弗格森 / 艾瑞克·斯通斯崔特 / 里克·罗德里格兹 / 诺兰·古德 / 萨拉·海蓝德 / 阿芮尔·温特 / 奥布里·


台词
Crap. Crap.
垃圾 垃圾
Crappacino. Charlie Craplin.
辣鸡 腊鸡
In Colombia, when the old man starts yelling at the mail,
在哥伦比亚 如果有老头开始朝着信件吼
We put them on a sandbar and wait for the tide to come in.
我们就把他放到沙洲上 等大浪送他归西
Well, Delgado's got a doozy of a Valentine's dilemma.
迪尔加多遇到了情人节的两难选择
I texted out feelers for two dates.
我发了短信试探两个妞
Vicky Noh is top choice, but Alexa Potts has been doing
维琪·卢是我的首选 但是亚历克莎·波茨
this bad-girl thing lately I'm into.
最近走坏女孩风也让我挺心动
So, while I wait for a yes from Noh,
所以等待卢答应的同时
I've got to keep Potts on the back burner.
我要把波茨留在候补位置
Oh, my God. Is it still talking?
要命了 他还在唧唧歪歪吗
m 71 60 b 71 0 161 0 161 60 b 161 120 71 120 71 60
m 20 0 l 209 0 b b b 11 228 0 218 0 209 l 0 20 b 0 11 11 0 20 0
Jay, that's so rude!
杰 你真没礼貌
原创翻译 双语字幕
He overthinks everything.
他总是想太多
If you have a shot at the bad girl, jump.
只要坏女孩有机会 你上就对了
翻译: 油腻希 洗七里
I don't know.
我也说不准
She has a stepdad who
她有个继父
only pays attention to her hot older sister.
只关注她性感的姐姐
I will dial the phone for you.
我会亲自帮你拨电话给她
翻译: 芝小士和番小茄 狼人之影赛太公
That was Joe's school. He's in trouble.
乔的学校打电话来 说他惹麻烦了
We need to go meet with the teacher.
我们得去跟老师见面
校对: 新浪微博: 赛太公
What the hell did he do?
他搞了什么事
He robbed a bank and took 18 hostages.
他打劫银行并挟持了18个人质
How would I know? Let's go.
我哪知道啊 快走吧
时间轴: 三水
It's a no-go.
没戏了
Alexa wanted to use the hot tub tonight,
亚历克莎今晚想在大浴缸泡澡
but apparently can't find her bathing suit.
但她貌似找不到泳衣 没衣服穿
后期: 瓜瓜 总监: 怀念浓子的瓜瓜
If you don't come home smelling of light beer and chlorine,
如果你回家时身上没有淡啤酒味和池水氯味
Do not come home at all.
你就不用回来了
家 庭
摩 登
第八季 第十二集
Uh, honey?
亲爱的
Happy Valentine's day, my love!
情人节快乐 我的爱
Oh, thank you. Ooh.
谢谢
I love this. What is it?
我好喜欢这个 这是什么啊
It's the actual porch swing where we had our first kiss.
当年我们初吻时 就坐在这个门廊秋千上
- No. - Check it out.
-不会吧 -你看看
The carvings are still on the back from 25 years ago.
25年前在后面刻的字还在呢
Oh, my gosh. "Phil hearts Claire."
天啊 "菲尔爱克莱尔"
Oh, honey, this is gonna look so great out on our porch.
亲爱的 这个放在我们家门廊上一定很赞
I can't believe you did this.
真不敢相信你把它弄回来了
It was nothing.
没什么啦
I made a few calls, drove half a day...
不过是打了几个电话 开了半天的车
..had campari and haggled with a handsy gay landlord,
喝了点酒 跟有咸猪手的同志房东讨价还价
took the swing apart, loaded it in a van,
接着拆解这秋千 装上货车
ran out of gas in the desert,
结果车在沙漠里没油了
got harassed by a shady state trooper,
还被一个可疑的州警骚扰
and drove back with a blinding migraine.
最后忍着剧烈的偏头痛开回家
But easy-peasy.
反正是小菜一碟啦
I love it.
我超喜欢的
Knock, knock. Happy Valentine's day
敲敲门 情人节快乐
or, as I call it, "The best night to go to the grocery store."
或是我称之为"最适合去逛超市的一晚"
And here is your valentine's gift.
这是你的情人节礼物
I wrapped it myself in the office,
我亲手在办公室包装的
And then, like a dingdong, I left it there, so...
然后像个傻子一样 把礼物忘在那了 所以...
Whoa, sparkly.
闪闪惹人爱啊
Just like you. That's why I picked the wrapping.
跟你一样 所以我才选这张包装纸
- She sure did. - Yeah. Go ahead.
-绝对是她选的 -拆开看看吧
Claire, I think I know what this is.
克莱尔 我好像猜到这是什么了
I can't believe you did this.
真不敢相信你送我这个
I know, right?
可不是嘛
You got me an old watch.
你送我的是一块旧手表
- Pretty cool, right? - So cool.
-很酷吧 -太酷了
I've got a crazy-good poker face,
我喜怒不形于色功力很高
but I didn't love the watch.
但其实我并不喜欢那块手表
I'd been dropping these big hints
我之前一直强烈暗示她
about a pair of genuine Houdini handcuffs
我想要胡迪尼的真品手铐
哈里·胡迪尼 著名魔术师 逃脱艺术家
on sale at a local magic shop.
我们当地魔术用品店里在打折
They're from his famous coffin of cobras escape of 1923.
是他1923年著名的眼镜蛇棺材逃脱表演里用过的
The trick was so shocking
那套戏法实在太震撼了
that women went into spontaneous labor
姑娘们看了都自然开始分娩
and the men paired off in violent fighting.
汉子们看了都开始疯狂对打
I, uh, don't think it's working.
表好像不会动
Oh, well, I mean,
我觉得吧
I'm just seeing this watch for the first time,
我虽然是第一次看到这块表
But it looks like it's got a self-winder.
但它好像有自动上发条机制
You just move your... Yeah.
-你只要动动手臂... -没错
...arm around to keep it going.
给表上发条了它才会动
I should probably get going.
我该走了
Mother's waiting in the truck...
我母亲在卡车里等我
...And she's patient until she isn't.
她的耐心很有限
Oh, and I've got to get to work, too,
我也该去上班了
before all the single gals show up.
得赶在那些单身妹子前开工
It's pretty hard to concentrate with all the bathroom crying
要不然等她们在洗手间大哭 往墙上砸
and the half-eaten chocolates getting hurled at the wall.
吃了一半的巧克力时 就很难集中精神工作了
- Have a good one. - I will.
-工作顺利 -我会的
Wow. Those are nice.
花很漂亮啊
Yeah, they were on the front porch.
是啊 在前廊发现的
They're from a mystery admirer.
是一个神秘的仰慕者送的
The card says, "You don't know your power."
卡片写着"你不知道自己的魔力"
Oh, that's my bad.
这是我的错
I was power-washing the flagstones
我之前穿着拉拉队短裤
- in my old cheer shorts -- - They're for me.
-使劲在洗石板路 -花是送给我的
Yeah, don't ask who they're from,
别问我是谁送的
because I don't know, but I will find out.
因为我也不知道 但我会找出那个人
What happened to your arm?
你手臂怎么了
Oh, I am winding an old watch
我在给这块旧表上发条
that your mother gave me for Valentine's day.
是你妈妈送给我的情人节礼物
Oh. That's pretty uneven. You gave her this awesome swing.
挺不对等啊 你可是送了她这么赞的秋千
Man, where did mom find a guy as sweet as you?
妈妈到底从哪里捡到你这个暖男
Actually, she hit me with her car
其实是她开车撞到我
when I was break-dancing in a KFC parking lot.
我当时正在肯德基的停车场跳霹雳舞
And your mother's not unromantic.
再说你妈妈也不是不浪漫
She's just been busy with work lately.
她只是最近工作很忙
Well, you've been married for like 25 years.
反正你们的确也结婚25年了
What's that supposed to mean?
这话什么意思
You guys are overdue for the romance
你们俩之间的浪漫火花
to fizzle out a little bit.
老早前就该熄灭了
Oh, well, it's nice to know that some dime-store posies
不知名的跟踪狂给你送了
from an unnamed stalker have
一束便宜的花
made you an expert on matters of the heart.
你就瞬间变成情感专家了吗 真不错
It so happens that your mother is still very romantic,
其实你妈妈还是有浪漫细胞的
which I will prove with a surprise visit
等我今天下午去她办公室送惊喜
to her office this afternoon.
就能证明给你看
Let me guess -- you built this inside
我来猜猜看 你在屋里拼好秋千
and didn't measure the door?
而你没事先量过门的高度
Card was right. You don't know your own power...
卡片说得对 你不知道自己的...
to be mean.
毒舌魔力
Thank you so much for helping us out.
谢谢你来帮忙
Ah, yeah. Rainer has work, anyways.
反正雷纳要上班
He does this Valentine's day thing
他情人节这天
- where he tracks cupid on the radar. - Aww, cute.
-都会用雷达追踪丘比特 -好有爱
Oh, and Lily gets to stay up a little later tonight
莉莉今天能晚点睡觉
because she had a big-girl moment at school.
因为她在学校做了一件勇敢的事
Yes, this boy Jagger -- 'cause that's a name now --
没错 有个男生杰格 这歌名也能当名字了
teased her and she told him off in front of everybody.
嘲笑她 她当着大家的面教训了他一顿
And we're proud of you because you used your words.
我们为你感到骄傲 你用自己的话教育了他
She used our words. We wrote her a little speech.
她用的是我们的话 我们给她写过一段话
She really told that kid off good.
她狠狠地用来给那孩子上了一课
Our society encourages women to be unassertive,
我们的社会教导女性要谦逊
so we need to do everything we can to -- to really empower lily.
所以我们要想尽办法让莉莉更强大
We may not get women,
我们虽然不追求女人
but that allows us to really get women.
但这恰恰让我们更理解女性
We may not hook up with women,
我们不跟女性搞在一起
but we really understand women.
但我们真的很了解女性
I think it was clear when I said that.
我刚才就说得够清楚了
So, what's with this whole "going out early" thing.
所以为什么要"早点开始约会"
Well, it's been forever since we've had a date-night out,
我们很久没有到外面约会过了
and so we made a little list of the six things
所以我们列出了六件情人节心愿
that we love to do but never get to do.
是我们一直想做但没机会做的
Ugh, pathetic.
真可悲
Okay, we get to say that, not you.
我们可以这么吐槽自己 但你不行
No, no, no, it's Dylan.
不不不 是迪兰
He texts me every Valentine's day begging to hook up.
每年情人节他都发短信给我 求我跟他上床
Oh, that is sad.
的确挺悲哀
I know. It almost never works.
就是啊 几乎每次都失败
All right, you old bags,
老家伙们
put your teeth in, you're taking me out.
把假牙戴上 带我出去浪
Sal, what are you doing here?
萨尔 你怎么来了
It's Valentine's day and my
今天是情人节
new German boyfriend, Werner, is out of town,
而我的新德国男友维尔纳去外地了
and I don't like to drink alone.
我不喜欢一个人喝闷酒
The first part's true.
前半句是真的
Well, actually, we have plans.
其实我们已经订好计划了
Aw, but now you have better plans.
但现在你们有更好的计划了
Fausta here can babysit Sammy
福斯塔可以照看萨米
and General Tso over there.
和那边那个亚洲娃
Sammy, tell your guncles hello
萨米 跟你基佬叔叔们问好
like I taught you.
用我教你的那样
Enchante.
幸会
Ahh! What am I looking at here?
我正目睹的是什么情况
I'm raising him gay.
我要从小把他培养成基
Tell Uncle Mitchell what you think about those pants.
告诉你米奇尔叔叔你觉得他那条裤子怎么样
Tragic.
丑死人家啦
Oh, it's sticking!
他记住了
So, come on. Let's go. Uh...
快来 我们走
Hey, if she's watching the kids,
如果有她照看孩子们
I don't want to be a fourth wheel,
我不想当多余的第四者
so I'll just come and join you three.
所以让我跟你们仨一起去吧
That-that sounds great.
好主意
Mitchell, can I talk to you over by the fireplace?
米奇尔 我们去壁炉旁聊两句好吗
Yeah, yeah.
- Hey, so what about our plans? - Look, you know Sal.
-我们的计划怎么办 -你了解萨尔
She's not gonna leave until we agree to this.
如果我们不答应她是不会走的
So, look, we'll just get the two of them drinking.
我们先哄她俩喝起来
They won't even notice when we slip away,
她们不会注意到我们悄悄溜走
and, you know, get back to our list.
然后我们就回到自己的心愿表上
- That's a good plan. - Yeah.
-真是个好计划 -是吧
You know what? I didn't even want to do number one anyway.
反正我本来也不想做心愿表上的第一项
It makes me feel dirty and ashamed.
那让我觉得自己肮脏又羞愧
Okay, well, bye-bye, Cheesecake Factory.
好吧 那就不去起司蛋糕餐厅了
Wow. All right.
就这样吧
I asked you guys to come in today because
我今天请二位过来是因为
Joe has given me a very, um, inappropriate Valentine's Day gift.
乔送了我非常不合适的情人节礼物
I assume that he got this from home?
我想这应该是他从家里拿来的吧
Ms. Clarke, I am so sorry.
克拉克老师 我太抱歉了
I'm sure that Joe doesn't even know what he was doing.
我保证乔根本不明白他在做什么
Looks like I'm finally gonna get to fight with one son
看来我终于有机会和儿子抢着看
over the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue.
《体育画报泳装女郎特辑》了
Jay, this is not funny.
杰 这不好笑
I come from a very long line of overly sexy men.
我家族里的男人总是太过"敢性"
My cousin Ricardo, he had a sex addition.
我表亲理卡多是性加者
You mean "addiction."
你是想说性"瘾"吧
Uh, yeah, sorry.
是的 抱歉
He built an addiction onto his house
他在家里"瘾"盖了一间炮房
for making love to his many girlfriends.
只用来和众多女友做爱
Well, Joe just needs to know
你们只要让乔知道
that this type of gift is not okay.
送这种礼物是不合适的就好了
And you're right, and I'm gonna talk to him.
您是对的 我会和他谈谈的
Did I do something wrong?
我做错事了吗
You did take something out of your mom's drawer without asking.
你的确未经同意从妈妈的抽屉里偷拿东西
But I'm gonna give you a pass on that one.
但这次我就先睁一只眼闭一只眼吧
The thing is, the gift was inappropriate.
重点是 你送那种礼物非常不合适
Well, you give underpants to Mom.
可是你也送妈妈内裤啊
True.
没错
You do it every year.
你每年都送
Look, you can give that kind of thing
你可以送那种礼物
to your wife or your girlfriend.
给你妻子或女朋友
But it's a little bit different when it's your teacher, okay?
但送老师就不能这样了 知道吗
Fine. Can I go back to the quiet room now?
好吧 我能回到宁静室去了吗
I already missed half of my nap.
我已经错过一半的午睡时间了
You know how I get.
你知道我不午睡会怎么样
Sure. Go ahead.
当然 去吧
Everything's squared away.
都讲清楚了
Ms. Clarke, sorry for the trouble.
克拉克老师 抱歉给您添麻烦了
May I have that back?
请问内衣可以还给我吗
Oh, my gosh. I'm sorry.
天啊 不好意思
I didn't know that real humans could have these dimensions.
我都不知道人类身材能到如此境界
- Thanks. - Thank you.
-谢谢 -过奖了
I seem to have dropped my spare hotel key.
我好像不小心掉出了备份的酒店房卡
- Phil -- - Shh.
-菲尔 -嘘
No need to call whoever this Phil is.
无论这个菲尔是谁 不必惊动他
You're in no danger.
你很安全
This key is to room 422 at the Ramada down the street.
这张房卡是街尾华美达酒店422号房的
Slip out when you can.
找到机会就溜出来
I'll pre-disable the smoke detectors
我会先把烟雾警报器关掉
so you don't set it off when you shimmy out
你甩掉得体阔腿裤时
of those sensible wide-leg trousers.
就不会因为太过惹火触发警报了
For the past several Valentine's,
在过去几年的情人节里
we've adopted sexy alter egos --
我们会变身性感第二人格
Juliana, wild and spontaneous,
狂野又随性的朱莉安娜
And Clive, passionate collector
和克莱夫 这位对
of beautiful women and antique sailing maps.
搜集美女和古董航海图十分有热情的男人
Clive, I love this id-
克莱夫 我很喜欢这个主意
Save that energy, my dear.
保留点体力 亲爱的
This hotel has a very short memory
在这间酒店房间时间不长
and a very long outdoor staircase.
但有很长的室外楼梯要爬
Claire, you have to finish signing these contracts.
克莱尔 你得把这些合同签好
Hey, Phil.
你好 菲尔
Phil? No.
我不是菲尔
Name's Clive, friend.
我叫克莱夫 朋友
Say, maybe you could take over here for a bit.
或许你能管一会儿事
I'll make sure the boss lady's back in one piece
我会把你们女老板完整无缺送回来的
no later than --
最晚不超过...
Oh, come on.
有没有搞错
- Hi, Phil. - It's Clive, actually.
-你好 菲尔 -他现在是克莱夫
Apparently they have a thing like how you and your sister
他们之间有玩角色扮演 就像你和你姐姐
go to those conventions dressed like stuffed animals.
扮成毛绒玩具去参加那些聚会一样
Oh. Uh, Claire, your 2:00 is here
克莱尔 你两点的预约到了
and you can't be late.
你不能迟到
Phil, look, I really appreciate this. I do.
菲尔 我真的很感激你做的这些 真的
- It's just that -- - So, I spoke to the florist.
-只是我 -我去花店问过了
Turns out my admirer
原来我的仰慕者
sent these from Pritchett's Closets.
是从普里契特衣柜公司订的花
I may have a sad love life, but I don't need my mommy
或许我的情路不顺 但我不用我妈
trying to boost my self-esteem.
送花来帮我抬高自尊心
And if you really want to give me some confidence,
如果你真的想让我更有自信
how about a picture of me on your desk,
为什么不在桌子上也摆张我的照片
and not just Haley and Luke.
而不是只摆海莉和卢克的照片
First of all, I didn't give you those flowers.
首先 花不是我送你的
Second of all, there is a picture of you.
其次 我摆了你的照片
Where is it?
哪去了
Salutations.
问候您
Yes, hello.
你好
I've got a meeting.
我有会要开
Ben, you're gonna finish the contract stuff.
本 你把合同什么的搞定
Margaret, you're gonna take Alex.
玛格丽特 艾丽克斯交给你
You're gonna find out who's using our account for flowers, okay?
你们去查是谁用我们的账户订花 好吗
Phil, honey,
菲尔 亲爱的
We'll do Valentine's Day later, okay?
我们晚点再庆祝情人节 好吗
Do I know that guy in the cloak?
那个穿斗篷的人怎么那么眼熟
Ah, hinge specialist. You might've seen him around.
他是铰链专家 你可能在这见过他
He's the guy for offbeat swivels
遇到新奇的转环和角度奇怪的钩扣
and rare-beveled hook joints.
我们都找他
I find everything you just said very titil-
你刚刚说的一切都太挑逗人了
We'll make up for this later over dinner, I promise.
晚餐时我再弥补你 我保证
I've got it all planned.
我一切都计划好了
This whole Clive thing wasn't even necessary.
我都没必要搞克莱夫这一出
Claire was taking me out to dinner all along.
克莱尔早就计划好和我一起吃晚餐了
Romance strong as ever.
浪漫还像以往一样浓烈
Margaret, get a reservation
玛格丽特 快帮我和菲尔
for me and Phil tonight, anywhere.
预定一下晚餐 哪都行
I've got too much going on to even think about it.
我忙得根本没有闲心想这些事了
Werner is great.
维尔纳人可好了
You know, he's a rich musician,
他是个有钱的音乐家
tours a lot, no strings.
总去巡演 不缠人
Well, um...
那个吧
...This has been fun, but we should, uh...
今天玩得真开心 但我们该...
You're not going anywhere, carrot bottom.
你哪也别想去 红毛
Oh, my god. Is that Rainer?
我的天 那是雷纳吗
Why is he with another woman?
他为什么和别的女人在一起
That sounds cheat-y.
貌似有捉奸好戏看了
That's Haley's weatherman boyfriend.
他是海莉的天气预报员男友
- Sorry, Hale. - We need to leave.
-抱歉 小海 -我们快走吧
No, you got to go confront him.
不行 你得和他当面对质
Mm. I'm upset. I've had a couple drinks. No.
我很难受 喝了好几杯了 不去比较好
Okay.
好吧
So, what's it like touring the world with other Canadian acrobats?
和其他加拿大杂技演员一起世界巡演有趣吗
What?
什么
We just assumed you were a member of cirque du soleil.
我们还以为你是杂技团的呢
Yup, because you're bending over backwards
是啊 因为你柔软到能把
to avoid standing up for yourself.
脑袋弯到背后来逃避面对事实
And setting a good example
为其他女性
for other women.
树立好榜样
You both were thinking that?
你们都这么想的吗
- Fine. - Finally.
-好 -终于
I was beginning to think she was weaker
我差点以为她
than Mitchell's jawline.
比米奇尔的下巴线条还弱
Everyone knows why you grew that thing.
大家都知道你为什么留那玩意儿
Okay, this coming from the woman who -- who won't admit
好吧 这吐槽居然是来自一个
that she's upset that her boyfriend abandoned her
不愿意承认自己在情人节
on Valentine's day.
被男友抛下的事实而不开心的人
Oh, and didn't you just get back from learning
你不是刚跟印第安人
how to plant corn with the Indians?
学种玉米回来吗
Because you look, to us, like an early settler.
因为在我们来看你就像早期定居者
Settler.
定居者
We're saying that you settle.
我们是说你找了配不上你的人[定居]
You practice this at home, don't you?
你们在家排练过了 对吧
- We do not. - We do not.
-才没有 -才没有
Now, I knew it couldn't be angels bowling, so --
我知道那雷声不可能是天使在打保龄球...
I thought you were working today.
我以为你今天要上班
And didn't we agree that you never wear that sweater again?
我们不是说好你再也不穿这件毛衣的吗
- My... - Excuse me.
-我... -不好意思
We're kind of on a date right now.
我们在约会
- Uh, Haley. - Oh, save it, you lying,
-海莉 -省省吧 你这满嘴谎言
cheating, middle-aged pointer.
脚踏两条船的中年"指"男癌
That's what you do, you know -- you point.
你这人就是这样 指来指去的
You point for your money! We are done!
靠一指神功挣钱 我们结束了
Happy Valentine's day.
情人节快乐
My hair.
我的发型
Oh, that was crazy
刚才感觉真是又疯狂
and great and awful and I don't know what to do.
又酸爽又糟糕 我现在不知道要怎么办
I'm just gonna go home.
我要回家了
What?! No! I like you now.
什么 别啊 我现在喜欢你了
Werner has a yacht with a full bar. Let's go.
维尔纳有一艘带酒吧的游艇 一起去吧
I'm not letting you go home in this mood.
这么嗨 我才不会让你回家
Okay, well, you know, that sounds kind of like
好吧 去船上酒吧喝酒感觉像是
a girl thing, so...
女生的活动 那...
Oh, okay, if that's Rainer calling to make excuses,
如果是雷纳打来找借口的
don't answer.
别接
It's just pathetic Dylan trying to hook up again.
是可怜的迪兰打来求约炮的
Let me handle this. Hey, boo boo.
我来搞定 嘿 小可爱
Well, another woman empowered.
又一位女性受我们激励
- It's what we do. - Yes, it is.
-这就是我们的使命 -没错
Okay, back to the list.
好了 回到心愿表
Oh, wait one second. It's Lily.
等等 是莉莉
Hey, honey. Is everything okay?
亲爱的 有什么事吗
Jagger was very hurt by our speech.
杰格听了我们那套话语很受伤
She didn't answer his texts
莉莉没回他短信
'cause we told her not to.
因为我们叫她别回
Good.
很好
- He ran away. - He did?
-他离家出走了 -真的吗
People are forming a human chain
大家正组成人链
to search for him in the woods.
在森林里找他
Okay, honey, well, we'll be home soon, all right?
好的 亲爱的 我们马上回家 好吗
Do you think we have some responsibility
你觉得杰格这件事
in this Jagger situation?
咱们有责任吗
Ah...No. No.
没有 没有
They -- they chose to build near the woods.
他们自己要住到森林附近的
Good advice is good advice, okay?
我们的建议是好的
- That's right. - You guys, where's Haley?
-也对 -二位 海莉呢
Um, she is on a boat in the marina,
她在码头边的一艘船上
putting you in her rearview mirror.
把你抛到脑后[后视镜外]了
- Boats have those, don't they? - I think so.
-船有后视镜吧 -应该有
You guys, I was only letting that woman
二位 我只是让那女士以为
think we were on a date
我们在约会
because she runs a celebrity site
因为她是一个名人网站的站长
that buys photos from paparazzi, okay?
专从狗仔手里买照片
I was trying to get one of me back
我想把其中一张拿回来
because Haley is in it and this is the photo.
因为照片里有海莉 就是这张
- No. God, no. - Oh, my gosh.
-不 天 不 -我的天
Bedhead, sneeze face, and ugg slippers?
刚起床的发型 喷嚏脸 UGG丑拖鞋
And now Haley's not answering my calls
海莉不接我电话
and somehow I'm supposed to smile through a weather report
而15分钟后我还得笑着
in 15 minutes?
播报天气
Pull yourself together, Rainer.
别慌 雷纳
You're a weatherman.
你可是天气播报员
Do you think our advice --
你会不会觉得我们的建议...
Sucked? Yes. Yes.
糟糕透顶 对 对
We need to get to that boat
我们得在海莉勾搭上迪兰前
before Haley hooks up with dylan.
赶到船上去
She wouldn't do something that stupid.
她不会做那么蠢的事吧
Did you see the uggs?
你看到那双Ugg丑鞋了吧
Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
好吧 对 对 对
Mom, I'm home.
妈 我回来了
We got Valentines.
我们买了情人节礼物
Oh, hi, Mrs. Kewley.
你好 丘利夫人
Is the party over?
派对结束了吗
We had an incident.
出了点小状况
Your son gave my Bailey
你儿子给我们贝莉
a very strange Valentine's gift.
送了一个很奇怪的情人节礼物
I am so sorry.
真对不起
Didn't your father talk to you about this already?
你爸不是已经跟你说过这件事了吗
Yeah, and he said it's okay to give it to a girlfriend.
对啊 他说可以送给女朋友
We're going. And Bailey is certainly not his girlfriend.
我们走了 贝莉才不是他女朋友
She would be lucky!
那是她的福气
Is that Bailey?
那是贝莉吗
'Bause I think Joe has a little thing for her.
我记得乔对她有意思
Yeah, he did have a little thing for her.
他的确有很有"意思"的东西给她
It's here. He did it again.
在这儿 他又来了
I knew I shouldn't have trusted you talking to him,
我就知道不能放心交给你去教育他
because you will let him get away with murder
就算他杀了人你也会帮他脱罪
because he's a mini you and you like it.
因为他就是迷你版的你 你还特高兴
And you know what's worse?
更糟的是什么你知道吗
That you're so mean to Manny
你对曼尼那么小心眼
because he's different than you.
就是因为他跟你不一样
First off, Joe is not a mini me.
首先 乔不是迷你版的我
Crap. Crapola. Crapinski.
垃圾 辣鸡 蜡鸡
Well, maybe a little,
好吧 可能有一点
and maybe I kind of like it.
也许我却是有点喜欢这事
But why would you want to knock the Jay out of Joe?
可你为什么要把乔身上我的影子去掉呢
Instead of one trophy, you get two.
你从拥有一个宝贝变成两个宝贝呢
Okay, thank God.
到了 谢天谢地
Oh, gosh, there she is.
她在这呢
What are you guys doing here?
你们怎么来了
Need a sailor to cross off number four
需要水手来完成你们
on that Valentine's day list of yours?
情人节心愿表的第四条吗
Was that mean i've been around Sal, I've lost my filter.
跟萨尔待了一会儿 嘴都没把门了
You know what? We all make mistakes.
你知道吗 人非圣贤孰能无过
Which is a-a funny thing to remember
等我们告诉你一个
when we tell you about a very funny misunderstanding.
很可笑的误会后 你回想起来都会觉得好笑
Cameron, Mitchell, what a pleasant surprise.
卡梅隆 米奇尔 真是惊喜
Sal, you okay? You seem not yourself.
萨尔 你还好吗 你看起来怪怪的
Yeah, I feel like you used to blink.
是啊 咋不眨眼呢
I took your advice. Called Werner.
我听了你们的建议 给维尔纳打了电话
Told him I wasn't going to settle.
跟他说我不想就这么委身下嫁
How did that --
然后...
How -- how did that go?
然后呢
He was thinking that we might be something special,
他本来觉得我们或许能有未来
and then I gave him the ultimatum,
然后我给他下了最后通牒
and he said, "Maybe we're not actually meant to be."
结果他说 "也许我们有缘无分"
I don't know what's happening. S-sal, w-what are you doing?
什么情况 萨尔 你在干什么
Straightening up.
收拾收拾
You know, a place for everything...
这是所有东西的...
- No. - ...everything in its place.
-别 -...好去处
Hey, what about this?
这个如何
This was actually salvaged from the Bismarck.
这其实是从二战知名战舰上淘来的宝贝
That's...
好...
Why are you helping?
你还助纣为虐
Feels good. Men suck.
爽 男人都是坏东西
No, no, n-not all men, okay?
不不 不是所有男人
We -- we just talked to Rainer,
我们刚跟雷纳谈了
and, um, that wasn't a date.
他不是在约会
What?!
什么
Okay, why did you break that?
为什么砸了
'Cause now I'm mad at you!
因为现在我气的是你们
You made me break up with him!
你们让我跟他分手
Oh, my God. Now I have to call Rainer,
我的天 我得给雷纳打个电话
and Dylan.
还有迪兰
- Oh, Sal, sweetie... - Sal, you gotta --
-萨尔 亲爱的 -萨尔 别...
You're spilling there.
酒洒了
- Lift it, lift it. - Oh, clumsy, clumsy.
-提起来 瓶口提起来 -笨手笨脚
I'll just make it all go away.
让一切化作灰烬随风而去吧
- No! We are still on board. - No, Sal.
-别 我们还在船上呢 -住手 萨尔
We are sorry we made you call Werner.
抱歉我们叫你打给维尔纳
We didn't know that that was gonna happen.
我们不知道事情会变成这样
So you have to understand that you...
你得理解一下你...
Mitchell you want to step in here?
米奇尔你不来帮忙吗
I'm getting dizzy.
我吹到都头晕了
I am --
我...
- Stop it! - Okay, no more.
-别拦我 -不许再这样了
No more matches. No more matches.
不许再点火柴了 不许了
Okay, what -- I don't know what to do.
好了 可是我也不知道该怎么做
Okay, well, maybe we should just...
好吧 或许我们可以...
Werner's precious Tony award.
维纳尔宝贝的托尼奖奖杯
He keeps in at sea as the ultimate aphrodisiac.
他把它留在船上做为终极催情神器
For women?
这不对女人催情吧
托尼奖是美国剧场界最高荣誉参选项目包含话剧与音乐剧 受到同性恋关注
Auf Wiedersehen, award for best orchestration.
再会[德语] 托尼奖最佳编曲奖杯
- Oh, my God. - No. Sal, Sal.
-要命了 -不行 萨尔 萨尔
- Haley, help. - No.
-海利 快来帮忙 -不行
I will not tell your gay son
我可不要告诉你同志儿子
that you threw a Tony into the ocean.
你把一座托尼奖奖杯丢进海里了
- Give it to me! - No!
-你快给我 -不要
Oh, my god. Did she fall in?
天啊 她掉下去了吗
No.
没有
I've got her right here.
"她"安全在我手里呢
Sal, we are so sorry.
萨尔 我们真的很抱歉
If it wasn't for our stupid advice,
如果不是我们出的馊主意
you would've left things alone and things might've been okay.
你就不会没事找事 事情也就不会变这样
- Shut up! - Okay, okay.
-你闭嘴 -好 好的
That cold water woke me up to the hard truth --
冷冷的海水打醒我 让我看清了现实
I'm smart, I'm beautiful,
老娘聪明绝顶 闭月羞花
I'm legendary in bed, yet I do settle.
床技过人 却放弃寻找更好的人就嫁人了
I mean, Werner is not good enough for me.
维纳尔的确是配不上我啊
I mean, I get why you two idiots settled.
我能懂为啥你们俩白痴为啥不再找了
This is the best you're gonna do, right here.
毕竟对方就是你们能找到最好的人了
You're perfectly matched.
你们俩简直王八配绿豆
Well, it's kind of sweet when you look at it that way.
这么看的话 某种程度上感觉好甜啊
Yeah. We are very lucky.
是啊 与你相遇好幸运
Happy Valentine's day.
情人节快乐
Yeah, happy Valentine's day.
是啊 情人节快乐
Shut up. Read a room, poofs.
闭嘴 懂得察言观色好吗 基佬们
Hey. Margaret said you keep the phone records.
玛格丽特说是你负责保管电话记录
Why? What do you need them for?
怎么了 你为什么需要拿记录
I'm still trying to find out who sent me those flowers.
我想找出是谁送我的花
- You keep them in here? - No, don't.
-你收在这里面吗 -别打开
Don't.
别啊
Ben, why do you have this photo of me in your desk drawer?
本 为什么我的这张照片在你的抽屉里
I think someone's pranking me, probably.
我猜可能是有人在整我吧
- I'm gonna go. - Okay.
-我要走了 -好的
Wait, look. I sent the flowers, okay?
别走 其实花是我送的 好了吧
When you temped here last summer,
当你去年夏天来这里打工时
I became tempted by your charms.
我也被你的魅力所打动
Well, thank you, but aren't you like 40?
谢谢欣赏 但你不是都要40岁了吗
What? I'm 26.
什么 我才26岁啊
I -- I had a sweetart addiction when I was a kid
我 我小时候吃糖上瘾
and I permanently damaged my collagen.
永久伤害到胶原蛋白 所以显老
Wow. I've been in a series of bizarre,
我谈过一个又一个
shame-filled relationships.
离奇又羞耻的恋爱
You work for my mother. You still live at home.
你是我妈的员工 而我还在家里蹲
- Look at all those medications. Kiss me. - What?
-再看看你吃的各种药 快吻我 -什么鬼
Whoa. Okay, that was very cool,
你刚才的举动很屌
but you should know that I have dedicated my life to closets,
可是我得告诉你 我把人生奉献给衣柜
I am obsessed with your grandfather,
我疯狂迷恋你外公
and I sleep with a body pillow that I put a nightgown on.
而且睡觉都抱着穿着女睡衣的等身枕头睡
Stop, you're making it better.
别再说了 你越说越吸引我
Here you go. Busy night, sir.
给 今晚客人很多啊 先生
I assume you have a reservation?
想必您已经订了位子
Yes. My wife made it.
是的 我妻子订的
She kind of dropped the ball on my gift,
虽然送我礼物这件事她办砸了
but she came through with a table at the legendary Enrico's.
但她成功在大名鼎鼎的恩里克餐厅订到位
I'm sorry, sir. Enrico's is a couple doors down.
先生 很抱歉 恩里克是前面另一家餐厅
So, just yourself?
就你一个人吗
Uh, no, I'll be meeting my wife tonight.
不是 我今晚会跟老婆在这见面
That's the spirit.
你这么乐观就对了
What'd I miss?
我错过了什么
This overpaid bum missed a putt.
这个薪水太高技术太水的傻子推杆没进
I'm supposed to not like this.
我怎么能不喜闻乐见
Well, call me an idiot, Jay.
杰 骂我智障吧
Sure enough, Alexa and I did end up in a hot tub together.
的确 我跟亚历克莎一起进浴缸泡澡了
But around her third beer,
但在她喝到第三瓶啤酒时
I suggested she have some water to stay hydrated.
我建议她喝点水免得脱水
She tried to shut me up by kissing me,
她就想用嘴堵上我的嘴
which I liked, but she kept calling me Travis.
我的确挺享受 可她一直叫我崔维斯
Oh, my God! Is it still talking?!
要命了 他还在唧唧歪歪吗
Joe, you don't ever disrespect your brother like that.
乔 不许你这么不尊敬你哥哥
And no more giving underwear to little girls, or anyone else,
也再也不许你送其他小女孩或任何人内裤
'cause it's creepy and European.
因为这很痴汉还很欧洲人
Now go to your room.
罚你回房间待着
It's fun when your kids get your best qualities,
你的孩子遗传到你最佳的优点的确很开心
but it's a kick in the gut when they pick up stuff
但当你看到他们也学到了
you hate about yourself.
你身上的缺点时 也很难受
I saw that ugly, impatient part of me
我看到了我丑陋没耐心的一面
coming out of my adorable son.
从我可爱的儿子嘴里冒出来
In fairness, that adorable part also came from me.
但公平来说 他可爱的部分也遗传自我
We both got my mom's crab-apple cheeks and pillow lips.
我们都遗传到了我妈的红粉面颊 松软双唇
Hi, honey. I'm sorry I'm late.
亲爱的 抱歉我迟到了
We had a whole incident -- mwah --
我们出了场大事故
at the warehouse, a paint mixer blew up.
仓库里有台涂料混合器炸了
Luckily I had these overalls in my office I could...
幸好我办公室里还留了这么一套吊带裤
Oh, you're mad, aren't you?
你生气了 是吧
Mad?
生气咩
I mean, was this the best Valentine's day we've ever had?
这是我们度过最棒的情人节吗
No.
不是
Was it the worst? Yes.
那这是最烂的吗 是的
I gave you a great gift.
我给了你很棒的礼物
I tried to surprise you at the office.
我还试着到你办公室给你惊喜
You repaid the effort by making a reservation
而你报答我的方式就是订位吃
at a truck stop and dressing up like Tom Sawyer.
卡车司机餐厅 还穿成像《汤姆历险记》男主
But hey, maybe this happens to everyone, Claire.
或许这种事在任何人身上都可能发生 克莱尔
Romance fizzles. Magic dies.
浪漫如浪花 浪花死沙滩
At least we can mark the exact time it happened to us,
但至少我们可以记录下浪漫死去的确切时间呢
thanks to my new watch,
多亏了你送我这手表
which only a switchboard operator from the 1950s
一只只有1950年的超忙电话接线员
could keep wound.
能保持它持续上了发条
You mean this watch?
你是说这只表吗
The houdini handcuffs.
胡迪尼手铐
I've been taking magic lessons as a Valentine's surprise.
我去上了魔术课来给你当情人节惊喜
Wait a minute. The supposed hinge salesman at your office.
等等 那个出现在你办公室的铰链销售员
The great majesto.
伟大的大魔师
Of course. I didn't recognize him
我就说嘛 我没认出他
without his floor-length robe covered in question marks.
因为他没穿他招牌的问号拖地长袍
And we also really do have a reservation
而且我们真的在旁边的那家
at that really nice place down the street.
超棒餐厅有订位
So, we should probably get your check.
所以我们赶紧买单走人吧
Excuse me. Can we get the check?
不好意思 买单
But are you really dressed for...
但是你穿这样能去...
So wonderful. I can't...
太赞了 我...
Come on, honey. We should get going.
走吧 亲爱的 我们该走了
Wait, uh, do you have the key?
等等 你有手铐钥匙吗
No. But you do.
没有 但是你有
I don't deserve you.
我不配有你如此贤妻
Honey, you gave me a V.D. I will carry with me always.
亲爱的 你给了我一个永生难忘的情日
Let's say "Valentine's day."
就好好说"情人节"吧
You know, I never thought you'd beat my gift, but you did.
我一直觉得你赢不了我的礼物 但你真赢了
Oh, honey.
亲爱的
I'm beginning to think that mine was a swing and a miss.
我开始觉得我的秋千礼物像是挥棒落空
Hardly. Yours was fantastic.
才没有 你的礼物正中红心
But how about a swing with a Miss?
要我说 秋千老婆两不空
- You are killing it today! - I know!
-你今天真是绝了 -对啊
Did you cover that again?
你又把它罩上了吗
I didn't. That's weird.
没有啊 太奇怪了
What the hell?
什么鬼
I transported it to the porch.
我把它移到了门廊
You're welcome.
不用谢
I didn't ask him to do that...
我没请他这么做啊
or tell him where we live.
也没告诉过他我们住哪里