摩登家庭 第八季 Modern Family Season 8 第16集: Basketball!

上映日期: 2,016

语言: 英语

影片类型: 喜剧 / 家庭

导演: 克里斯·科赫

演员: 艾德·奥尼尔 / 索菲娅·维加拉 / 朱丽·鲍温 / 泰·布利尔 / 杰西·泰勒·弗格森 / 艾瑞克·斯通斯崔特 / 里克·罗德里格兹 / 诺兰·古德 / 萨拉·海蓝德 / 阿芮尔·温特 / 奥布里·


台词
Are you sure we need that much ice, buddy?
你确定我们需要加这么多冰吗 儿子
All NBA players use cold water immersion therapy.
所有美国职篮球员都用冷水浸浴法
运动后泡20分钟能缓解肌肉酸痛与疲劳感
Let's do it.
来吧
You're right. It's not that b--
你说得对 也没那么...
One year ago today, I had the chance to be a hero.
一年前的今天 我有机会成为英雄
It was the annual high school charity basketball game --
那是年度高中慈善篮球比赛
parents versus teachers.
家长对战老师
We were raising money for Mrs. Martin in the attendance office
我们在为出勤率办公室的马丁太太筹钱
who lost her house in a mudslide.
泥石流冲垮了她的房子
One minute it was present, the next it was absent.
房子前一分钟还"出席" 下一分钟就"缺席"了
m 211 -8 b b b 26 29 26 26 26 24 l 26 -2 b 26 -4 26 -6 31 -8
m 211 -8 b b b 26 29 26 26 26 24 l 26 -2 b 26 -4 26 -6 31 -8
m 71 60 b 71 0 161 0 161 60 b 161 120 71 120 71 60
m 20 0 l 209 0 b b b 11 228 0 218 0 209 l 0 20 b 0 11 11 0 20 0
b
原创翻译 双语字幕
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Down 2, a second left, I was fouled.
我们落后两分 比赛只剩一秒钟 我来罚球
The game was in my hands.
胜负就在我手中
翻译: 冰蓝 洗七里 zoeyyyyy glida 油腻希
I crumbled under the pressure.
在巨大的压力之下 我掉链子了
翻译: 赌性坚强赛太公 加热闪电饺子
I've waited a year for my shot at redemption
这赎罪的机会我等了一年
and left nothing to chance.
这次我不要留任何弱点
校对: 统统打入冷宫赛
Harder!
下手重点
I have worked out like a madman --
我像疯子一样锻炼
passing and dribbling drills, agility training...
传球运球训练 敏捷训练
时间轴: 三水
...and I top it all off with 100 free throws every day...
最厉害的是 我每天练习100个罚球
后期: 瓜瓜 总监: 怀念浓子的瓜瓜
...no matter how tired I am.
无论我那天有多累
It had been a year of painful training, but I was ready.
我经历了一年的痛苦训练 但我已经准备好了
家 庭
摩 登
第八季 第十六集
I spilled juice on the rug. Please don't tell Mama.
我把果汁洒在地毯上了 请别告诉妈妈
Don't tell Mama?
别告诉妈妈
What about "Don't tell Papa?"
怎么不说别告诉爸爸
A boy is supposed to fear his father.
男孩应该害怕自己的父亲
I shook in my boots around my old man,
在我爸爸身边 我瑟瑟发抖
just like he did around his.
他在他爸爸身边也是如此
To this day, I hear the crack of a Schlitz
直到今天 我听见打开施丽兹啤酒的声音
or smell some Singleton's Beard Tonic,
或者闻到辛格尔顿须后水的味道时
and I'm sweating like a mob rat in Little Italy.
都会像小意大利区的黑帮叛徒一样浑身出汗
Ow! Oh, tripped!
我绊倒了
Enough!
够了
How many times have I told you to pick up your toys?
要我跟你说多少次你才会捡起你的玩具
You're funny!
你真搞笑
Enough! Pick up the toys!
够了 捡起玩具
Gloria! What a surprise!
歌洛莉亚 真是惊喜
There's a mom at Manny's school
曼尼的学校有个妈妈
that I've had some problems with.
我跟她不太对盘
She's your typical blonde airhead Barbie doll doctor.
她就是典型的金发傻帽芭比娃娃医生
Hola, Donna.
你好啊 唐娜
Did you wander in by mistake?
你是不小心逛到这里来了吗
You know they don't sell shoes here.
这里可不卖鞋
Oh, no, I see you buy a lot of hot dogs.
天啊 你买这么多热狗
It's so sad when someone just gives up.
你就这样放弃保持身材真是太惨了
I'm selling these at the high school charity basketball game.
我要在高中慈善篮球赛上卖这些
Poor Mrs. Martin.
可怜的马丁太太
This year we're raising money to get her a new kidney
今年我们要为她筹钱换肾
So, can we count on you?
我们能指望你吗
For the kidney?
捐肾吗
To write a check, like you always do.
写张捐款支票 就跟你以前一样
Yes.
行啊
Money is almost as good as actually doing something.
捐钱几乎算得上和做实事一样好呢
$40 at the estate sale? Can you believe that?
房地产拍卖会上40美元买的 你敢信吗
Like, there's no way you'd even notice.
你根本不会发现是拍卖品
Dad, hi.
爸爸 好啊
Turn on channel 12.
打开12频道
It's an expose on cheap lumber
新闻曝光了一种
that's got some chemical in it that's making people sick,
内含致人生病的化学制品的廉价木材
and Closets, Closets, Closets, Closets bought a bunch of it.
"衣柜衣柜衣柜衣柜"公司买了许多
Oh, look -- There's Earl's daughter, Shirl.
瞧瞧 是厄尔的女儿雪莉
抓到你了
We caught with the local man
我们采访了这位
who reported flu-like symptoms
与受污染的木材接触之后
after contact with the tainted wood.
出现了类流感症状的当地男子
I just wanted to give my wife
我只是想给我妻子做一个
a closet as beautiful as she is.
跟她一样美丽的衣柜
Didn't we buy some of --
我们不是买了一些...
Can you believe Earl's dum-dum daughter
你能相信厄尔的蠢货女儿
bought wood from those bozos?
从那些笨蛋手里买了木材吗
Of course, when you two were growing up,
当然啦 你俩长大时
she was always the slow one.
她一直都是比较笨的那个
You remember when she thought that balloon was her friend?
你记得她把那气球当她朋友吗
Balloon-da Carlisle.
气球达·卡莱尔
Right. Well, back to it, Dad.
好吧 我继续忙了 爸爸
See you later.
回头见
I knew that deal was too good to be true.
我就知道那木头这么划算 肯定有鬼
And now I'm gonna look as stupid as a girl
现在我看起来就要跟一个
who pet two different class rabbits to death.
把班里的两只兔子都抚摸死的女孩一样蠢了
A spot of tea, sir?
喝点茶吗 先生
Only if it's the fancy kind.
是上等的我就喝
Oh, my God.
我的天
How good have our accents gotten?
我们的英音都变得这么熟练了
- It's insane. - Yeah.
-太不可思议了 -是啊
When Haley was 4, she and I had our first tea party,
海莉4岁的时候 我们办了第一次茶话会
and since then, we've made it a tradition
从那以后 我们把茶话会变成了传统
to meet for high tea once a year.
每年都一起喝一次下午茶
It's a time I've really come to cherish.
我真的很珍惜这些时光
I don't love the whole tea thing.
我不喜欢他们这个什么茶话会
Mitchell and Haley always come back giggling
米奇尔和海莉总是分享秘密
over shared secrets, and I feel left out.
说说笑笑地回来 我觉得我被排挤在外
I once tried to start my own uncle-niece tradition, but...
我试过自己搞一个舅舅侄女传统活动 但
I'm not questioning the methodology
我不是质疑加速质谱法
behind accelerated mass spectrometry.
背后的方法论
I'm merely pointing out that it's not singular
我只是单纯指出不是只有这个方法
in its power to separate a rare isotope
才能够从丰度高的其他同位素中
from an abundant neighboring mass.
分离出稀有的同位素
What's going on with you and that handsome weatherman?
你和那个帅气的天气预报员交往得怎么样
Things are great, mostly.
大部分时候都很好
Yeah.
挺好的
Oh. "mostly"?
"大部分时候"
Well, what's-what's going on?
遇到什么问题了吗
I mean, do you think it's okay for your partner
你能接受你的伴侣
to ask you to do... anything?
对你提出的任何要求吗
Mm, no. Not anything anything.
不能 不是任何要求都能接受
I mean, we all have our boundaries.
我们都有个人界限
I mean, there are still things I wouldn't ask Cam to do.
还是有些事是我不会叫小卡去做的
Okay. So, um, Rainer and I
好吧 是这样的 某天晚上
were in bed the other night, and...
雷纳和我躺在床上 然后...
And?
然后怎么
He asked me to do something
他叫我做某件
I'm not totally comfortable with.
让我有点不舒服的事
What'd he ask you to do?
他叫你做什么了
No-No judgments. Just whenever you're ready.
我不会评头论足的 你准备好了再说
So, he was lying on his side,
他当时侧躺着
and he said that that was part of it,
他说要以那种体位才能做
and then he asked me to c-
然后他叫我c...
Haley!
海莉
What'd he ask you to do?
他叫你做什么
Quick, write it down on this napkin.
快 写在这张餐巾纸上
Rainer, what are you doing here?
雷纳 你怎么来了
You left your earbuds in my car.
你把耳机落在我车里了
I know you like to use them to ignore people.
我知道你喜欢以它们为借口来无视别人
Do you want to join us?
你想和我们一起喝茶吗
- You don't mind, do you, Uncle Mitch? - No!
-你不介意吧 米奇舅舅 -怎么会
老大姐在看着你 肾脏
It feels weird to be back here.
回到这里的感觉太奇怪了
This gym got the better of me once.
我曾败在这间体育馆里
Dad, you're psyching yourself out.
爸 你又要把自己逼疯了
You're right.
你说得对
The only thing different between this year and last
今年与去年唯一的区别
is I'm prepared this year.
是今年我有备而来
And DeAndre Jordan and Charles Barkley are here.
德安德鲁·乔丹和查尔斯·巴克利也来了
Is this where we get our hand stamped?
是在这里盖已买票的章吗
Sometimes I like to leave and come back to things.
有时候我喜欢去别的地方逛逛再回来
Uh, why-why are you here?
你们怎么来了
Our agent's wife is a math teacher at the school.
我们经纪人的妻子是这所学校的数学老师
Let's go get our seats.
咱去占座吧
We don't want anybody to block us.
我们不想被人们挡住视线
Yeah, yeah. I-I get that.
是啊 我懂
So, I'm playing in front of two NBA stars?
所以我得在大牌职篮球星面前打球吗
Plus, once people know they're here,
还有 一旦人们听说他们在这
the crowd will be like five times the size it was last year.
围观群众肯定会比去年多五倍
Well, we still live in a world with a fire marshal.
消防局长不会让这么多人挤在馆里的
Wait.
等等
They're probably just here to show their faces
没准他们只是来露个脸
and make a quick exit...
站个台就走了
Dad, don't let them faze you.
爸 别被他们影响
This is what you've trained for.
你为此艰苦训练过
You're ready.
你准备好了
You're right.
你说得对
I just need to shake the jitters off a little bit.
我只要放松一下就好了
I got you, Larry.
交给我 拉里
Spot up.
定点跳投
No!
Gloria? Is that you?
歌洛莉亚 真的是你吗
My brain's having a hard time processing you in this context.
我的大脑不能接受你出现在此情此景里
Yeah, I came to sell my nachos to raise money.
我来卖玉米片筹善款
How nice.
你人真好
Although, some people are saying it's too little too late,
尽管有人说你的努力来得太迟太少
that you can't just show up and get credit for it.
你不能来露个脸就指望能记上一功
I think it's mean,
我觉得这些话很刻薄
but some people are saying it seems disingenuous.
但有些人说你看起来有点虚伪
I just got here.
我刚到这
When did you talk to all these people?
你是什么时候听这些人说这些话的
I think you'll find this crowd
我认为你会发现这些人
no lika da nachos.
不宣[喜欢]玉米片
I'm sorry if that sounds racist.
如果你觉得学口音很种族歧视 我感到抱歉
No, it didn't.
才没有呢
I don't even know what language you were trying to make fun of.
我根本就没听出你在取笑哪种语言
Okay, since you're not leaving, you can set up down there.
既然你不打算走 你可以在那支个摊
No.
It's very dark, and it's very far away!
那好黑 还很偏
Good luck!
祝你好运
Looks like that picture I Instagrammed of the three of us
看起来我发的咱仨的合照
is a big hit with Rainer Nation.
挺受我粉丝欢迎呢
And is it safe to post your location like that?
你就这么发定位安全吗
Aren't you worried about stalkers?
你难道不担心有人跟踪你
Oh, no, it's fine.
不会 没事的
Most of my followers
我的大多数粉丝
are just overly excited, love-starved old ladies.
都是些过度兴奋 极端缺爱的老女人
Oh, I see your exclusive tea party opened up.
你们的独家茶话会对外开放了啊
He just posted that.
他才刚发推特
What, are you circling the restaurant?
你是在餐厅外兜圈等待吗
Hey, Rainer Shine.
你好 雷纳·向恩
You sat next to him at Thanksgiving.
感恩节的时候你就坐他旁边
Right! Manny! Sit down. Join us.
对对 曼尼 快坐 一起啊
Actually, Cam, could I talk to you for a second?
小卡 咱俩能单独聊会儿吗
Okay, before Rainer walked in,
雷纳来之前
Haley was about to tell me something upsetting
海莉正要说雷纳让她做的
he asked her to do in the bedroom.
在床上某件令她感到略不舒服的事
Now, I didn't get much, but he asked her to c--
我没听到太多 他让她...
To what?
什么
He asked her to c--
他让她c...
Are you kidding me?
开什么玩笑
Okay, no one else come near us. Thank you.
都不要再靠近我俩了 谢谢合作
That's all she got out -- "C--." And then Rainer walked in.
她就说了个c 然后雷纳就闯进来了
Well, we have to find out.
我们必须得问清楚
As her uncles, we need all the information we can
作为她的舅舅 我们要掌握尽多的情况
so we can advise her properly.
这样才能更好地给她作指导啊
Yeah. She's dating an older man.
没错 她约会对象比她大好多
If she's uncomfortable, it's our duty to protect her.
如果她不舒服 我们有责任保护她
Okay. So we said all that.
好 那我们达成一致
What could "C--" be?
c开头的词都有啥啊
-Carrot? -Mnh-mnh.
-萝卜 -不对
Cupping?
杯吸法
You don't think it could be a Canadian long jump, do you?
你不会觉得是加拿大长跳吧
What part would a woman play in that?
这招里并没有需要女人的地方啊
That's the last of the paper trail.
这是最后一份文件证据
Great.
干得漂亮
Okay, and so the red pins on this map mark
这个地图上的红别针标的
all the locations of closets
是有毒木材制成的衣柜
that were made with the toxic wood.
所发往的地点
Okay, and we have recalled
我们已经召回了
9 out of 10 of the contaminated closets,
十个里我们已经召回九个了
so we only have to track down one more.
我们只需追踪剩下的最后一个
And since you didn't ask, the green pins
既然你没问 绿色别针
are all the addresses of potential fathers of mine.
是我所有的潜在父亲的住址
Oh, hey. How're you doing?
你们在干嘛呢
Did I hear somebody using my shredder without signing it out?
我听说有人没登记就用了我的粉碎机
No.
Confetti!!
碎纸屑
Hey! The kid doesn't fear me as he should,
那孩子完全不怕我
so I brought him in here
所以我把他带到这
to show him my scary boss side.
让他看看我霸道总裁的一面
-Play along. -Okay.
-配合点 -好的
Ben, how dumb do you think I am?
本 你觉得我是有多傻
You found out?
你发现了吗
Of course I found out. I know everything.
我当然发现了 我啥都知道
It was her idea!
全是她的主意
-Ben! -No, he's doing great.
-本 -不 他做得很好
You're in big trouble, mister.
你惹上大麻烦了 小子
Jay, I'm so sorry. We were just trying to s--
杰 真的对不起 我们正要尽力
Enough!
够了
Come on, Joe!
我们走 乔
Enough!
够了
Could you have rolled over any faster?
你招供速度还能再更快点吗
My dad didn't know anything.
我爸什么都不知道
That was just a big act for his kid.
这只是为了他小孩演的戏
Yeah, I know. I was playing along to --
我知道 我只是配合演出
Save it, okay?
得了吧
Somewhere, one of these green pins is very disappointed.
绿色别针指的某个地方 有个很失望的老爸
Nachos. Come get some nachos.
玉米片 来点玉米片吧
No one even knew that I was back there.
根本没人知道我在后面
You know it's loud when you can't hear my voice!
当你连我声音都听不到时 就知道有多吵了
My goodness.
天啊
At this rate, I'll break my own sales record.
照这样 我要打破自己的销售记录了
Hola. Do you guys want to try some nachos?
你们好 想来点玉米片不
That sounds pretty good.
听起来不错啊
Ugh, you are so transparent, Glenn.
你的贼心也太一目了然了 格伦
Come, come, come.
快来 快来
We're expanding to chips.
本店扩张开始卖薯片了
Cam, you're staring.
小卡 你太明显在盯着人家了
No, I'm not. So are you.
我才没有 你不也是
Ohh, I should take this. It might be drizzle-related.
我得接电话 可能跟雨情有关
So, Haley, we are here to help you tell us what "C--" is.
海莉 我们是来鼓励你说出c...是什么的
You told him?
你竟然告诉他了
You can confide in us. We're middle-aged gay men.
你可以放心倾诉 我们是中年同性恋
Whatever it is, we have heard of it.
不管是什么 我们肯定都听说过
Fine.
好吧
The other night, Rainer asked me
某天晚上 雷纳问我
if I would be into
是否愿意做
candling.
耳烛
You know what that is, right?
你们知道那是什么吧
- Yes! - Yes!
-当然 -当然
It's when you do the...
就是做那个...
and then -- and then you --
然后 然后...
and then you do the -- the boop, boop.
然后再噗噗
Candling is where you light a hollow candle and insert it...
耳烛就是点燃一根中空的蜡烛放入...
into one of the ear canals...
一边耳道内
to remove ear wax.
以清除耳垢
Ah -- oh, God.
老天
The thing is, I don't know if I want to be
问题是 我不知道自己是否
that intimate with Rainer.
想和雷纳那么亲密
Am I really ready to see gunk coming out of his ear?
我真的准备好看到他流出的耳屎了吗
I mean, like, what if he stops being sexy?
万一看完觉得他不性感了怎么办
Well, it is intimacy like that
就是这样的亲密事
that separates casual dating from something more serious.
才能让人分出随便谈谈与真爱的不同
But what about what you said earlier,
那你之前说的呢
how even committed relationships like yours have boundaries?
即使你们这么坚定的伴侣也有个人界限
Excuse me, what boundaries?
说什么 什么界限
Hey, my phone died. Can I borrow one of yours?
我手机没电了 能借用你们的吗
You told her we have boundaries?
你跟她说我们有界限吗
You told them I asked you to candle me?
你跟他们说我让你给我做耳烛吗
Okay, I feel like this tea's getting away from us.
我感觉我们快喝不了茶了
Nachos! Get your nachos here!
玉米片 来买玉米片啊
Get!
走开
Get!
走开
Goaltending! Ref, do your job!
干扰球 裁判 吹哨啊
I'm a pharmacist.
我只是个药剂师
Oh, sorry.
抱歉
Phil.
菲尔
You seem a little tight, man.
你似乎有点紧绷
Hey, DeAndre Jordan.
德安德鲁·乔丹
Uh, no, no, no, just working out the jim-jams.
没有没有 只是稍稍有点怯场
First half's about getting a read.
反正前半重在了解对手
Yeah, right.
好吧
I didn't realize that fans were coaching.
我都不知道粉丝还能指导呢
And you're helping the parents.
而且你帮的是家长队
Teachers are the backbone of our country.
教师是我们国家的支柱
Get out of here.
滚吧
Parenting is the hardest job in the world.
当父母是这世上最艰难的工作
I'm so sick of you acting like you know everything.
我受够了你自作聪明的样子
Going to therapy did nothing for you.
你去看心理医生真是屁用都没有
First of all, stop transferring.
首先 你别转队了
曾有过一场违背口头协议的转队闹剧
Secondly, how about I coach that team,
其次 不如我指导那支队伍
you coach this team?
你指导这支队伍
10 Dolphin Dollars you and Phil are going down.
10块海豚币赌你和菲尔输定了
10? You can't even get a Foam Flipper with that.
10块连个泡棉海豚都买不起
Let's make it 50.
何不赌50海豚币
D.J., please.
德哥 别这样
How bout 50 real ones?
50块现金怎么样
Okay. Make it five grand.
好 那就5000美金
That's the jump?
一下抬这么高吗
Go win this for me.
为我赢下这场
Okay.
We're on the same team!
我们是同一队的
Foul! Somebody fouled me!
犯规 有人对我犯规
Stop flopping!
别假摔了
Phil, come on, man. Focus!
菲尔 加油 专注点
We just bet our Olympic gold medals.
我们刚赌上了奥运金牌
Why? No one's making you do this!
为什么 没人逼你做到这一步
I hate that I made you uncomfortable.
我不想让你不自在
I-I just wanted us to be real with each other.
我只是想让我们对彼此更真实
I want that, too.
我也想这样
I think I'm ready. I will candle you.
我准备好了 我会给你做耳烛
Oh, look at that --
瞧瞧
two virtual strangers breaking down walls
两个真实的陌生人打破隔阂
when I didn't even know we had any.
而我原先都不知道我们有隔阂
When I told Haley we had boundaries,
我告诉海莉我们有界限
I just meant that there are certain things
只是指某些事
I'd rather not ask you to do.
我不会想请你做
Like what?
比如呢
We should be open and honest
不管我们有何需求
about whatever our wants and needs are.
都该对彼此坦诚
As long as we're being real,
既然我们决定坦诚以对
there's something you need to know.
我有件事要向你坦白
There is absolutely nothing I --
我什么事情都愿意...
Shh! I want to hear this.
别打扰我看好戏
Give me your hands.
把你的手给我
Okay, deep breath. Come on, Haley.
好 深呼吸 海莉加油
I draw in my eyebrows.
我的眉毛是画出来的
This is the real me.
素颜的我长这样
Did he leave? Is he still here?
他吓跑了吗 他还在不在
I'm still here, and you're still beautiful.
我还在 而你还是一样的美丽动人
Stop running from me.
别再逃避我了
Fine.
好吧
I have a confession of my own.
我也有件事要向你坦白
Two seconds.
看完好戏再说
I've never told anyone this.
我从来没告诉过任何人
I use tape to pull my neck back.
我用胶带给脖子拉皮
I knew it!
我就知道
Wow. So brave.
好帅好勇敢
I feel so naked right now.
我现在感觉好赤裸
Me, too.
我也是
They look exactly the same, right?
他们看起来根本没差别 是不
No, what they look is happy
有差 他们看起来很幸福
because they are brave enough
因为他们勇敢地
- to be vulnerable with each other. - Cam --
-向对方展现了自己脆弱的一面 -小卡
It's just ironic that you won't ask me
你知道有多讽刺吗 你不敢叫我
to do whatever it is
帮你做那件神秘的事
because you're worried I'll judge you,
因为你怕我会鄙视你
but I'm judging you now for not trusting me,
然而我现在就在鄙视你 因为你不信任我
and that hurts.
这样真的很伤人
You're right, of course.
你说得果然没错
This is only bringing us closer together.
这样做真的使我们的关系更亲密了
Uh-huh! Who'd you say normally does this?
当然啦 平时是找谁帮你弄来着
Uh, this place near my old office.
我以前办公室附近的一家店
Lily in a pinch.
万不得已时也会找莉莉
Okay, well, I think that's it.
好啦 应该刮干净了
Oh, no, you have to go over it one more time.
不行 你还要再刮一遍
Okay, we're not painting a bridge.
够了 又不是在给桥上漆
Okay, I've checked twice.
我已经找了两遍了
There's no invoice for this last closet.
都没找到最后一个毒衣柜的发票
Well, there has to be,
肯定有的
and we've got to find it before my dad does.
一定要找出来 不能被我爸看到
Is there any chance you accidentally shredded it?
会不会是你不小心放碎纸机里碎掉了
Don't worry. If I did, it's an easy restore.
淡定 就算真的碎掉了 我也能轻易拼回来
I was regional jigsaw champion in the under-60 category.
我可是地区拼图大赛60岁以下组别的冠军
That weird sneeze.
这诡异的喷嚏
You sound like the guy who was sick on the news.
听着就跟新闻上那个得病男的症状一样
No, that guy was falling apart.
怎么会 那人都快要散架了
You can't be infected.
你不可能被感染了
It's not like you've spent any time around that wood.
你并没有跟那块木板接触过
I mean, you don't hang out in the warehouse.
你又不会去仓库
- I've seen how much those guys pants you. - Oh, my God.
-我见识过他们有多爱脱你裤子整你 -天啊
My mom has a new boyfriend,
我妈妈交了个新男友
and she doesn't want him to know she has kids,
她不想让他知道她有孩子
so when he comes over, I sleep in the conference room.
所以每次他来我家 我就要到会议室过夜
Which is where the sample closet is,
会议室里有个样板衣柜
which is why there's no record of it!
难怪找不到销售记录
Oh, God!
天啊
I don't like to talk about it a lot,
我不常自夸这一点
but I have a certain expertise in timber.
可是我对木材挺有研究
Even blindfolded,
即使蒙上眼睛
I can tell a Galapagos teak from a Maltese cherry.
我也能区分得出加拉帕戈斯柚木和马耳他樱木
Came in handy for a cop friend of mine.
有一次还用上了这个技能
《雪松兄弟》是一部澳洲犯罪电影
Helped him round up the Cedar Boys.
帮我的警察朋友逮捕了《雪松兄弟》
Dad? Hey!
What are you doing in here, huh?
你进来这里干吗
I'm checking out this new wood.
我在检查这块新木
It's not new wood.
那才不是新木呢
The hell's the matter with him?
他有什么毛病啊
He's got allergies. Yeah.
他过敏啦
Allergies. Allergies.
我过敏 是过敏
Oh, Dad, have you -- have you seen
爸 你看到我们
this new fish tank we just got?
新买的鱼缸没
Check it.
瞧瞧多漂亮
Where did you say we got this wood?
你之前说这木材是从哪里进货的
Please, stop obsessing about the wood.
拜托 这破木头有什么好研究的
- Hungry little sucker, huh? - Oh, yeah.
-这鱼好像饿鬼投胎一样 -就是啊
You sure that's okay for him to eat?
他吃掉这木头真的没问题吗
Yeah, it's fine.
没问题啊
Those fish are celebrated for their hardiness.
那种鱼就是以生命力顽强著名的
Yeah, hardy.
坚韧不拔
Yeah, they're very popular amongst rappers
他们在饶舌歌手圈里很受欢迎
'cause they do equally well in Jacuzzis and champagne.
因为在按摩浴缸和香槟里都能养活
Where's Joe?
乔在哪里
- He's with Margaret. - Oh, okay.
-跟玛格丽特在一起 -好吧
I'm gonna bring him in here, have him check out this fish.
我去带他过来 给他看看这个鱼
-That's a good idea. -Getting back to this wood.
-好主意啊 -继续说这木头
Dad, the wood is fine. It's --
爸 这木头没问题 是...
Oh, my --
天...
Turns out, the wood doesn't just make people sick.
结果发现 这木头不止会让人病
It also kills fish.
还会弄死鱼
Well, I couldn't let Dad know I bought murder wood,
我不敢让我爸知道我买了杀鱼木
so I sent Ben to get a replacement fish
所以我让本下楼去
from the tank in the lobby.
从大堂鱼缸弄只一样的鱼来
So, those seem right to you? Hmm?
看起来还不错吧
They're strudy enough.
质量结实
Smooth pivot.
转轴平滑
Even glide.
抽屉平高
I was already suspicious of that wood, but then it kills fish?
我本来就对这木头有疑心 它还杀了鱼
Claire obviously bought some of that tainted lumber,
克莱尔绝对是买到了受污染木头
and then she tries hide it?
她还想瞒着我
She must think I'm denser than a Ponderosa maple.
她心里一定觉得我比美国黄松木还傻[结实]
That's a nice, easy ride.
用起来感觉又好又顺手啊
Yeah.
对啊
Hey, kiddo, why's your hand wet?
闺女 你的手为什么湿了
It's not. It's sweaty.
不是啦 是流手汗而已
I went to the gym this morning.
我今天早上去健身了
Fridays I do legs and hands.
周五练腿练手
Claire, here's the water you asked for.
克莱尔 你让我去弄的水
Thank you!
谢谢
My tooth just fell out.
我牙都掉了
You know, I got a little something stuck in my throat.
我喉咙好像卡了点什么
Give me a slug of that water.
这水让我喝一口
Oh, no, you don't want this lobby water.
你不会想喝这个大堂水的
I just need a sip.
我就喝一小口就行
It's from the fountain,
是从大堂饮水机装来的
and the warehouse guys put their mouth all over it.
仓库工人喝的时候嘴都会贴上去
Just give it to me.
给我就是了
I can't.
不行
Oh, my God, you actually did it.
天啊 你还真喝下去了
Can you feel that thing swimming around in your belly?
能感觉到那玩意在你肚子里游吗
You knew there was a fish in there?
你知道里面有鱼的啊
I saw you toss the other one out.
我看见你把原来那只扔掉了
You're so afraid of getting caught screwing up,
你就这么怕犯错我发现
you'd swallow an animal?
你宁愿吞下一只生物吗
This sort of seems like a family thing,
感觉你们谈家事需要空间
and my vision is tunneling, so...
而且我的视线开始狭窄了...
All right, well, we recalled all the bad wood,
好吧 用了那批木头的产品已经召回
but that doesn't mean that we didn't screw up.
但这并不代表我们没犯错
So, go ahead, let me have it.
所以你来吧 好好骂我一顿吧
Tear my head off.
手撕你闺女
Tell me how I've disappointed you yet again.
说我这次又怎么让你失望了
And what is happening?
这是怎么回事
All day long I've been trying to get Joe to fear me.
今天一天我都在想办法让乔怕我
Maybe that's not the best thing for kids.
但或许这对孩子并不好
辛辣可口玉米片
Hi.
你来啦
Well, I made six Dolphin Dollars
我赚了六块海豚币
plus 20 real ones from some weirdo
还有某个怪人给我20块真钞
who wanted me to ladle cheese straight into his mouth.
让我直接舀一勺起司进他嘴里
All right, papi, thank you so much,
好吧 乖儿子谢谢你帮忙
but I still need help attracting customers over there.
但我还是需要人帮忙吸引客人来我摊子
Oh, I can see if Phil has that thing in his car
我可以去菲尔的车上看看
that flails around like this.
他那个会这么挥舞的东西
Claire?
卡莱尔吗
No, his Tube Dude.
不是啦 是空气跳舞男
Can I help you with anything?
有何能为您效劳吗
I'm just going to buy a snack with my last five Dolphin Dollars.
我想要用我最后五块海豚币买个零食
I don't want to throw them away.
我不想把这个丢掉
That's how they get you.
证据就是这么留下的
The nachos are amazing.
玉米片特别好吃
But do not get anything
但绝对别去
from the stand that is over there --
那边那摊子买东西
The hot dog lady?
那个热狗女士吗
She just said the same thing about you.
她刚才也这么说了你
You two remind me of me and DeAndre Jordan.
你们两个让我想起我跟德安德鲁·乔丹
We have a rivalry, and I don't know why.
我们是宿敌 我也不知道为什么
Maybe in life we resent people who hold up a mirror
或许我们在生活中 就讨厌着拿着镜子
and force us to look at the worst in ourselves.
逼我们看到自己最丑恶一面的人
I see what you're saying, Charles Barkley.
我听懂你意思了 查尔斯·巴克利
And that's what we call an assist.
我们打篮球的把这叫助攻
Hand stamp.
买过票盖过章了
Donna, we have to stop this fighting.
唐娜 我们不能再斗下去了
A wise man once told me that we resent mirrors
有位智者曾告诉过我 我们讨厌
that show us what we don't want to see.
让我们看到自己丑恶一面的镜子
That's ridiculous.
真是可笑
I love mirrors.
我可喜欢镜子了
But the point is that I was mad
但重点是我生气是因为
because you made me see who I really am,
你让我看清了我真实的一面
and I was shocked to see what I have become.
而我对自己变成的模样感到讶异
Stop talking.
别说了
You're sounding human, and I don't like that.
你的话听起来好有人味 我不喜欢这样
I am soft, privileged lady, and I thought that bothered me.
我集万千宠爱于一身 本以为这让我有点羞愧
Until today, I realized that it doesn't.
直到今天 我才意识到压根没有
I don't want to do this.
我才不想辛苦来卖小吃
I love my pretty, pretty life.
我喜欢我炊金馔玉的 膏粱锦绣的生活
The only thing that makes me feel bad
而唯一让我感到不安的事
is that I don't really feel bad about it.
竟然是我并不为此感到难为情
Thank you so much for opening up to me.
谢谢你愿意敞开心扉和我说这些话
I almost started to feel something for you,
我差一点就要对你产生一点感情了
but then when you said you don't feel guilty,
但当你又说了你不觉得羞愧
my rage returned tenfold.
我的愤怒值又反涨了十倍
And I need that rage. It gets me up in the morning.
而我需要这愤怒的感觉 它是我每天起床的动力
Well, if it helps you, I eat everything I want,
如果这能帮到你 从今天起我想吃什么就吃什么
and I work out like once a year.
然后大概一年就只锻炼一次
You're horrible.
你这个小妖精
Oh, thank you.
谢谢你
All right, guys -- tie game, three seconds left.
大家听好了 现在追平了 就剩下最后三秒钟
There's only one thing that they're not gonna be expecting.
我们要做世上唯一一件他们意想不到的事情
We're gonna get the ball to Phil.
我们要把球传给菲尔
What?
什么?
They're not even guarding you.
他们甚至防都不防你
I'm so sure of this play, I just bet Barkley my car.
我对这招很有信心 我跟巴克利赌上我的车了
Is it a Honda?
是本田车吗?
No, it's a Phantom with my head as the hood ornament.
是以我头像为车头标志的劳斯莱斯幻影
All right, let's win this thing
来吧 我们打赢这场比赛
-Phil, honey, hi! -Hey.
菲儿 亲爱的 这里!
I'm sorry we're late,
对不起我们来迟了
but at least we're here for the end of the game.
但好在我们及时赶来看到了比赛的结局
I could really use a win on the day I drank a fish.
在我牛饮金鱼的日子 最需要一场胜利高兴一下
Drank like a fish.
是"鲸吸牛饮"
Wow, a bunch of NBA players are tweeting about this bet
天啊 一堆职篮球员在推特上聊
between Charles Barkley and DeAndre Jordan.
关于巴克利和德安德鲁之间的这场赌局
And they're live-streaming it,
而且他们还在现场直播这场比赛
so like 60,000 people are watching.
现在大概有六万人在线观看
Since when do people care about basketball?
人们什么时候开始这么关心篮球了
Calm down, Phil. You can do this, pal.
冷静下来 菲尔 你可以做到的 哥们
You choose now to believe in me for the first time?
你偏偏选这时候第一次相信我吗
All right, Phil. You got this, man.
上场了 菲尔 你可以做到的
Two shots!
罚两球
I can't go, Coach.
我走不动了 教练
Ow! My ankle.
我的膝盖好痛
Well, well, well...
哎哟哟
League rules dictate, if a player can't attempt
联赛规则是这样的 如果一个队员
a free throw because of injury,
因为受伤不能进行罚球
opposing team gets to pick the shooter.
对方球队将可以任意在罚球队选择一个投手
Right, but you're not a know-it-all.
的确 但你一样不是百事通
Don't give this anger power.
不要给我这份愤怒的力量
I pick you. Don't choke.
我选你了 千万"别怯场"啊
You got this, Phil. You got this, Phil.
你能行的 菲尔 你最棒了 菲尔
Phil Dunphy to the free-throw line.
菲尔·邓菲站到了罚球线前
Tie score.
比数平手
This is for all the marbles, folks.
现在是决胜时刻了 朋友们
Come on!
怎么搞的
What happened?
发生什么了
It's gonna take an hour to get the power back up,
要等一个小时他们才能把电力恢复
so they called the game.
所以他们就宣布平局结束
I just feel so bad for Phil.
我为菲尔感到好难过
You know him as this happy-go-lucky guy,
他这个重在参与 成败在天型的乐天派
but he has been beating himself up over this for a year.
其实在心里谴责自己一整年了
And he was so close!
而他就差一点就可以证明自己了
It's gonna haunt him never knowing
不知道到底会不会投进的事
if he would have made that shot.
将会在他心里不断萦绕
Game's on the line.
胜败就此一举
Everybody's watching.
大家都在看着你
This one's for all the marbles, folks.
现在是决胜时刻了 朋友们
Son of a bitch made it.
这个小兔崽子居然真进了
You know, I'm glad we're doing this again.
你知道 我很高兴我们能再举办一次茶话会
Yeah, I think we just put too much pressure on it the first time.
是啊 我感觉我们给第一次施加太大压力了
You know, humans aren't the only ones
其实人类不是唯一一个
who respond badly to pressure.
会被压力带来负面影响的种族
Did I ever tell you about the day without eggs?
不知道我没有跟你提过无蛋日
It was at the start of the Omelet Days Festival.
那发生在煎蛋节刚刚开始的时候
Up with the sun, I grab my basket,
太阳一出来 我就带上我的篮子
into the henhouse I go -- 34 hens, nary an egg.
走进了鸡棚 34只母鸡 连一个蛋都没有
I know, I know.
我知道 我知道
My grandpa said it was the worst case of avian anxiety
我爷爷说这是自珍珠港后他所见过
he's seen since Pearl Harbor.
最严重的一次禽类焦虑症了
That's when they had to take the radio out of the coop.
所以后来他们才要把收音机从鸡棚里收走...