摩登家庭 第八季 Modern Family Season 8 第17集: Pig Moon Rising

上映日期: 2,016

语言: 英语

影片类型: 喜剧 / 家庭

导演: 克里斯·科赫

演员: 艾德·奥尼尔 / 索菲娅·维加拉 / 朱丽·鲍温 / 泰·布利尔 / 杰西·泰勒·弗格森 / 艾瑞克·斯通斯崔特 / 里克·罗德里格兹 / 诺兰·古德 / 萨拉·海蓝德 / 阿芮尔·温特 / 奥布里·


台词
Hey, buddy.
兄弟
Nothing!
没干什么
Sorry. Habit.
不好意思 习惯了
I'm not actually doing anything wrong.
我没在做什么不该做的
Just checking to see if I got into A.S.U.
只是在看亚利桑那州立大学有没有录取我
Without us?!
不跟我们一起看吗
Guys, get in here!
大伙 快过来
It's happening!
就是现在
Phil saw videos online
菲尔在网上看了个视频
of families celebrating the moment their kid got into college.
全家人一起庆祝孩子被大学录取的一刻
m 211 -8 b b b 26 29 26 26 26 24 l 26 -2 b 26 -4 26 -6 31 -8
m 211 -8 b b b 26 29 26 26 26 24 l 26 -2 b 26 -4 26 -6 31 -8
m 71 60 b 71 0 161 0 161 60 b 161 120 71 120 71 60
m 20 0 l 209 0 b b b 11 228 0 218 0 209 l 0 20 b 0 11 11 0 20 0
b
原创翻译 双语字幕
最新连载海外影视剧下载请登陆 www.YYeTs.com仅供交流学习 禁止商用盈利
For pure drama, you can't beat that thing
当全家人紧张的期待
when an entire family's nervous anticipation
变成无比的喜悦爆发出来的时刻太赞了
翻译: 洗七里 glida 油腻希
turns into an explosion of utter joy.
简直无与伦比
- Come on! - Come on, N-Y...
-来吧 -来吧 纽约大学
翻译: 好看皮囊有趣赛
Notre...
圣母大
...Damn.
学个鬼啊
All righty, here we go.
好了 开始吧
校对: 无趣丑妹再见赛
And record and...
开始录像
时间轴: 三水
"Welcome to Arizona State"...
"欢迎进入亚利桑那州"
- It's happening! - ‭Oh, my God!
-真的录取了 -我的天啊
"Welcome to Arizona State's admissions portal.
"欢迎进入亚利桑那州立大学招生门户
后期: 瓜瓜 总监: 怀念浓子的瓜瓜
"We regret to inform you"...
我们很遗憾地通知您"
Aww, pal...
伙计
Well, don't leave us in suspense.
别搞悬念了
What did they say?
到底被录取没有
家 庭
摩 登
第八季 第十七集
Hey, I just peeked in on Lily,
我刚刚看了一眼莉莉
and guess who she was curled up with on her bed?
你猜是谁蜷在她床上陪她睡觉
If it's not the cat, I'm gonna be really upset about
如果不是咱家的猫 我会因为你拿
how you're teasing this out.
这件事开玩笑而感到十分担忧
I love that she has a pet that she's close to
她能有只亲近的宠物我很开心
like I was with my pet pig Lily.
就像当初我和我的宠物猪莉莉一样
Still no guilt, I see, after tricking me into
骗我给咱女儿取了培根的名字
naming our daughter after bacon.
看来你至今仍不觉得内疚
I was very close to that pig.
我和那只宠物猪很亲近的
For heaven's sakes,
无论如何
I still have her ashes in the garage.
我至今还把她的骨灰放在车库里
True.
是啊
I recently started exercising in the garage,
我最近开始在车库里健身
and on the first day, I, uh --
在第一天 我
I dropped a couple of pounds.
我就"掉"了好几斤
I knew Mitchell was lying.
我早知道米奇尔在骗我
I was just giving him the opportunity to come clean.
我只是给他个机会向我坦白
I had discovered the urn was empty.
我早就发现骨灰瓮空了
Lily?
莉莉
You know, I was thinking tonight
你知道吗 我在想
maybe we could bury the ashes in the back yard
今晚从你爸那回来后
after we get back from your dad's.
或许我们能把骨灰在后院下葬
It's a perfect night to pay tribute.
今晚悼念她再合适不过了
- W-Why? ‭- The Pig Moon.
-为什么 -今晚是猪月
I'm sorry? One more time.
不好意思 再说一次
The Pig Moon.
猪月
Every 18 years, the moon takes on a pink hue,
每隔十八年 月亮会发出肉粉色的光晕
and it aligns with Orion.
并与猎户座连成一线
Oh. ‭It's a huge deal back home.
在我们老家是件大事
There's a festival,
我们会办庆祝活动
they empty out all the jails as a sign of goodwill.
所有监狱都会大赦 以示善意
So, we're having, like, a ceremony tonight?
所以我们今晚要办个仪式之类的吗
Yes, sweetie.
是的 宝贝
But don't we have grandpa's?
但我们不是要去爷爷家吗
Well, you know what?
没关系的
We're always looking for a credible reason to leave early.
反正我们总是在找可信的借口好早点离开
So, what are we supposed to say?
那到时我们该怎么说
"No -- no dessert for us. We got to get home.
"我们不吃甜点了 得早点回家
We got to bury the 25-year-old ashes
我们得把一头德国名种老母猪
of a Brunswick King sow."
25年的陈年骨灰埋了"
Wow. Nice attitude.
态度真不错
It's almost like you want Pig Moon John
就像你故意想让猪月约翰老人
to fill your hunting boot with coal.
在你的狩猎靴里装满煤块似的
This is so slow!
这也太慢了
If you're on the Pritchett's Closets website,
如果你在浏览普里契特衣柜的网页
we're aware of the slowdown.
我们已经知道加载速度慢的事了
It's either a hack by the Chinese
要么是被黑客黑了
or that Chinese hack I hired to fix the website.
要么是我雇来改善网页的坑货[黑客]搞的
No, I'm trying to get tickets
不是 我是在买格洛丽亚·埃斯特凡
美国知名女歌手 出生于古巴是她将拉丁音乐打进美国市场
for tonight's Gloria Estefan concert.
今晚演唱会的门票
That's a little on the nose.
这有点太巧了吧
Mom, it happened again!
妈 又变成这样啦
Jay, sit down here and pay attention.
杰 你坐在这仔细盯着
Ugh! You have to move fast when it's your turn,
等轮到你的时候必须迅速出手
or they'll move to the next person.
不然他们就转到下一个人了
Joe, this is exactly why we're not giving you a knife
乔 这就是为什么我们要等到你6岁
until you turn 6 years old.
才让你玩刀
I missed the days
我真怀念那些
when people stood in actual lines.
人们得实际去排队的日子
If you weren't willing to stand in the rain,
如果你不愿意在下雨天站着苦等
六十年代的流行摇滚乐队
you didn't get to see Gary Puckett & the Union Gap.
你就没资格去看加里·帕克特与联盟峡
Ow! Damn it!
我靠
What? It was one second!
什么 我才走神一秒
Okay, give it back to me.
好了 给我吧
No need. I got 'em.
不用了 我买完了
Oh, really? And you paid?
真的吗 你付完款了吗
Yeah, you got your browser
付了 用浏览器
filling out your credit card info.
填一下信用卡信息
It's not super secure,
其实这样不太安全
but, whoever steals them
不过不论卡被谁偷了
will probably spend less than you.
他可能都没你花得多
Oh, what a B-U-tiful morning.
多波美丽的早上啊
I joke because I've been accepted to B.U.
开个玩笑 因为我被波士顿大学录取了
Oh, Manny, I'm so proud of you!
曼尼 我真为你骄傲
I'm six for six.
目前六所学校都录取我了
So many suitors -- not sure which to choose from.
这么多追求者 真不知道该选谁
I feel like Lady Mary
我觉得自己就像
in the last season of "Downton Abbey."
上一季《唐顿庄园》里的大小姐玛丽
I'd avoid the big football schools.
我要是你就不选以美式足球闻名的学校
And tonight we're going to celebrate.
今晚我们要去庆祝一下
We're going to a concert.
我们要去看演唱会
I got the tickets online.
我在网上买好票了
Easier than buying them at the venue, I guess.
网上是比去会场买方便些吧
What is the venue, uh, by the way?
会场在哪啊 随口一问
You can't buy them at the door.
不能去会场门口买的
It's a private concert.
是私人演唱会
It's just for the fan club.
只有粉丝俱乐部的人才能买票
I remember our first
我还记得我们第一次去
Gloria Estefan concert.
格洛丽亚·埃斯特凡的演唱会
You were so little,
那时你还那么小
sitting on my shoulders, holding the lighter.
坐在我的肩膀上 举着打火机
I'm gonna leave.
我要走了
Yes, before I know it.
是啊 一转眼就要离我而去了
No, right now.
不 是现在要出门
I obviously need something to wear tonight.
我需要买件新衣服今晚穿
Oh, okay. I'll go with you.
好 我和你一起去
What a great idea. Go! Make a day of it.
多好的主意 去吧 好好玩一天
No, wait, wait, wait --
不行 等一下
I can't go to the mall wearing my house heels.
我不能穿在家穿的高跟鞋去商场
What a good excuse to buy a nice pair of new ones.
那不正是买新鞋的好理由吗
That's why I love you.
这就是为什么我这么爱你
Always remember that.
什么时候都别忘了这点
Thank you so much, Mrs. Pasternak.
太感谢您了 派太太
I'm sure you're wondering why I want these ashes.
我想您肯定很好奇我为什么向您要骨灰吧
Not really,
并没有
but I'm gonna need the urn back.
但你得把骨灰瓮还给我
I'm gonna turn it into a lamp.
我要把它改造成台灯
- Hello, Mitchell. - Oh, God!
-你好啊 米奇尔 -天啊
Is everything okay?
你没事吧
You're looking a little ashen.
你看起来"灰"头土脸的
I'm fine. I-I-I accidentally spilled pig Lily's ashes,
我没事 我不小心把猪莉莉的骨灰弄撒了
and I-I thought that I would --
我本来打算
You would just replace them with Morris Pasternak's?
你打算用派先生的骨灰偷梁换柱
How'd you know?
你怎么知道
His class ring is by your foot.
他的毕业戒指就在你脚边
Oh, yeah. ‭That pig was my best friend.
那只宠物猪曾是我最好的朋友
Didn't you eat her mother?
她妈不是被你吃掉的吗
You know, you have no respect for anything that's important to me.
你根本毫不尊重那些对我重要的事物
My whole upbringing is just a big joke to you.
我的整个成长过程对你而言就是个大笑话
Dad, I was thinking about the Pig Moon funeral tonight
大爸 我刚刚在想今晚的猪月葬礼
and how important Lily was to you.
还有猪莉莉对你有多重要
Aww, that is so sweet.
你太贴心了
You definitely inherited her compassion.
你绝对继承了她的同情心
Remember that finger painting that I made of her,
你记得我画的那幅猪莉莉的手指画吗
the one that you said that was museum quality?
你说够格在博物馆展出的那幅
Can we bury it with her?
能把画和骨灰一起下葬吗
I know exactly where it is.
我清楚记得画在哪
I know exactly where it was.
我清楚记得画本来在哪
It's an e-mail for Luke from my alma mater.
是我母校给卢克发来的电邮
- Let's get him! - ‭Oh, no, no!
-快把他叫来 -先别
No, what if it's more bad news?
别叫 万一是坏消息呢
Maybe you should read it first.
或许你该先读一下
Claire, I am as anxious as you are
克莱尔 我和你一样等不及想知道
to find out if he's gonna be a Bulldog like his old man,
他会不会和他爸一样成为斗牛犬的一员
but we can't violate his trust.
但我们不能侵犯他对我们的信任
Sure, we could mark it as unread to cover our tracks,
虽然我们可以重新标记为未读来湮灭证据
but we'd know --
但我们心知肚明...
He didn't get in.
他没被录取
What?! He's a legacy!
什么 他比别人都强
Bulldog drool courses through his jowls!
斗牛犬对他垂涎三尺
I know, and it's his seventh rejection.
我知道 而且这是他第七次被拒了
He's gonna be so disappointed.
他会特别失望的
And embarrassed. We have that dinner at Jay's tonight.
也会难堪 我们今晚在杰家聚餐
I bet Manny got in everywhere.
我打赌曼尼被所有学校录取了
Oh, God.
老天
Is this it?
到此为止了吗
I mean, is Luke not going to college?
卢克上不成大学了吗
It's not over.
还没完
Delete.
删除
What are you doing?
你要做什么
I'm driving up there to tell them they made a mistake.
我要开车去那里 告诉他们这是错误的决定
They'd be lucky to have a kid like Luke.
收一个像卢克这样的学生是他们走运
Well, I guess it -- it can't hurt.
应该坏不到哪里去
I mean, it's not like they can super reject him.
他们又不能"超级"拒收
Although, Michigan did use that exact term.
虽然密歇根大学的确用了这词
You're on Caliente 96.3 with Diego and The Donkey.
这里是96.3潮流台 我们是迪亚哥与傻驴
Hello! Yes!
你好 太棒了
I'm calling about the Gloria Estefan tickets.
我打来是想获得格洛丽亚·埃斯特凡的票
And they're all yours if you can complete this lyric --
只要你能接上下面的歌词 票就归你了
"Turn the blank around."
扭转"啥啥"
One of her biggest hits from the '90s.
她在90年代最火的歌之一
We've been playing it all morning.
我们今早一直在放
- "Turn the car around." - Nope. Two more guesses.
-"扭转车..." -不对 还有两次机会
"Turn the boat around."
"扭转船"
Try again.
再试一次
"Turn the economy around"!
"扭转经济"
You're an ass.
你个蠢驴
Damn it!
I just got super accepted to Michigan.
我被密歇根大学"超级录取"了
He's the second Delgado to go to college.
他是迪尔加多家族第二个上大学的人
My cousin went to the best medical school in Colombia.
我表哥进了哥伦比亚最好的医学院
They would not just accept any cadaver.
那里可不是什么尸体都收的
Okay, Mom, let's go.
行了 妈 我们走
Oh, yeah, but wait.
好 不过先等下
You remember when your head was this tiny?
还记得你脑袋这么小的时候吗
Okay. Mom, Mom, I think I'm set for hats.
行了 妈 我不缺帽子
I know when a female's about to burst into tears.
女人想大哭时 我看得出来
I've seen it enough times.
我看过够多次了
I had to keep my mom away
我得让我妈远离
from anything that reminded her I was moving away
任何会让她想到我要离开的东西
and keep myself away from Williams Sonoma.
也让我自己远离厨房用品店
I could lose an afternoon.
我可能会耗掉整个下午在里面
A pet store. These are fun.
宠物店 又萌又有趣
I think he misses his mommy.
我觉得它想妈妈了
He'll forget about her by the time we get to the car.
我们走到车边时它估计就忘掉妈妈吗
On second thought, let's catch a movie.
再一想 我们去看电影吧
They always help keep your mind off of things.
电影总能让人忘了烦恼
噗 我娶了我妈
Wait, Officer -- No!
等等 警官 不要
My car is only here because I was being responsible!
我的车停在这里是因为我是负责任的人
I was babysitting my uncle Joe
我负责照看我舅乔
and got too drunk to drive home!
结果喝得太醉不能开车回家了
What is this thing?!
这是什么鬼东西
The Barnacle.
挡风玻璃锁
They stick it on your car when you have unpaid parking tickets.
没交停车罚单 警察就把它贴你车上
I couldn't let my parents see it,
我不能让爸妈看到
because I knew they'd just overreact
因为我知道他们会小题大做
and lecture me about being irresponsible,
给我讲一堆要负责的大道理
and I couldn't pay to remove it
我也不能付罚单移除这东西
because I just maxed out my credit card
因为我刚刷爆了信用卡
on these insanely expensive pair of sunglasses.
买了副超贵的太阳镜
I don't love 'em.
我也不想
I just had to re-create Lily's painting of Pig Lily,
我只要重新画一张莉莉的猪莉莉画
and she'd be none the wiser.
她就不会知道那件事
Oh, it's like painting with sausages.
天 就像用香肠画画似的
Sorry, Cam, no pig painting by Lily here.
抱歉 小卡 这里没有莉莉画的小猪画
I do have some random scribbles
不过有一些涂鸦
that Luke made when he was...
是卢克还小的时候画...
Huh, that's a little later than I'd hoped.
好像是比我希望的岁数还大些时画的
Fine. Not a word of this to Mitchell.
好 这事绝不能告诉米奇尔
I'm sure you're curious why.
我知道你好奇原因
Wrong again.
你又错了
Hi. You're the first one here.
你是第一个到的
Don't worry. We don't have to make conversation.
别担心 我们不必闲聊的
Ooh! A scrapbook!
剪贴簿
Aww, look at this.
瞧瞧
All of our old school projects --
我们小时候的学校作业都在
paintings by me and Claire.
我和克莱尔画的画
Aww! You're just a big softie, aren't 'cha?
你就是个豆腐心啊
My lawyer's secretary put that together
我律师的秘书整的
for my image at the divorce trial.
为了提升我在离婚法庭上的形象
There's the old bear. Grr!
还是原来强硬的熊爸
Oh, this is from my 8th birthday.
这是我八岁生日时照的
I made Mom throw a party with a whole farm theme.
我让妈给我办了场农场主题的派对
You know what? I need this.
猜怎么着 我需要这张照片
Cam thinks I look down on his farm life.
小卡觉得我看不起他的农场生活
- This'll prove to him that... - Bup, bup, bup.
-这能证明给他看... -停停停
This comes with a price.
要照片得付出代价
You can get me Gloria Estefan tickets, right?
你能给我弄到格洛丽亚·埃斯特凡的票吧
Dad, that is offensive.
爸 这话有点冒犯人
Not every gay person is connected to Gloria Estefan.
不是所有同性恋都跟她有交情
But you are, right?
但你有 对吧
It's complicated.
情况很复杂
Cam briefly dated a member
小卡曾和格洛丽亚·埃斯特凡的
of Gloria Estefan's band, The Miami Sound Machine.
迈阿密之音乐队的一员约过会
He doesn't talk about it much.
他不常提起
Just whenever someone mentions her or Miami.
也就有人提到她或迈阿密就说吧
Or humidity.
还有湿度
Well...
就这样
when I get the tickets, you get the picture.
一手给票 一手给照片
Mean!
小气
Um, how would you feel about asking Cam to use his connections
你愿不愿意请小卡动用他的关系
to get two Gloria Estefan tickets for tonight
弄到两张今晚看格洛丽亚·埃斯特凡的票
and then secretly giving them to me?
然后偷偷给我
I'll do it,
我愿意做
but I need you to help me with my car first.
但你要先帮我办车的事
I'd ask my parents, but --
我可以找我爸妈 但...
They wouldn't understand. It's not your fault.
他们不会理解 这不是你的错
Yeah. Okay. Let's go.
行 我们快去
Are we sure this is the best way to do this?
你确定这是最好的办法吗
All we have to do is make sure that my parents don't see it
我们只需要确保我爸妈不会看到它
by moving it down the street.
我们往前开点就行了
- Okay? Hold on. - I'm your eyes.
-懂吗 抓好 -我就是你的眼
Hug the curb.
沿着路边
Haley, just -- all right. Straighten out.
海莉... 好吧 直着开
T-Turn on your hazards.
开启危险警告灯
- That's the windshield wiper! - You're on my leg! Move!
-那是雨刷 -你踩到我腿了 挪开
Oh, God! There's a tree.
天啊 有棵树...
All right.
好吧
Let's just breathe, let's take a moment...
我们先喘口气 等一下
Can you just get off my leg, please?
你能从我腿上挪开吗
I'm not -- I'm s-- I'm not --
对不... 我没有...
- Are we going backwards? - You put us in reverse.
-我们在往后吗 -你挂了倒车档
Okay, hit the brake.
踩刹车
That is the gas!
那是油门
How do you have a license?!
你驾照是怎么考的啊
I can't move! You're on my leg!
我动不了 你压到我腿了
Okay. Good first try.
好了 第一次尝试还不错
Can't believe you didn't treat yourself to a Bulldog Blast.
不敢相信你不来杯斗牛犬冰沙
Isn't that basically just sugar, ice,
那不就是糖 冰
and the stuff they you use to cover the Blue Man Group?
还有用来涂蓝人乐队的蓝油漆吗
We're here to see the Dean of Admissions.
我们来见招生办主任
We called. We're the Dunphys.
我们来过电话 邓菲家
Ah. I'll tell Dean Hinden you're here.
我会告诉欣登主任你们到了
Um, eh -- Hinden?
欣登吗
Yes. Dean Rudolf Hinden.
是的 鲁道夫·欣登主任
I have a bad feeling.
我有不好的感觉
Well, honey, you did just have two of those antifreezes.
亲爱的 你的确刚喝了那像防冻剂的饮料
No.
不是啦
Rudy Hinden -- We were classmates.
鲁迪·欣登 我们曾是同学
Super annoying -- always "on."
超烦人 总是很亢奋
We cheered together, we -- we tumbled together,
我们都是拉拉队的 一起玩蹦床
we rolled around together,
一起四处玩
but we were never close.
但我们关系从不亲密
When I say "Bull," you say "Dog"!
我说斗牛 你说犬
- Bull! - ‭Dog!
-斗牛 -犬
- Bull! - ‭Dog!
-斗牛 -犬
‭Hey, Rudy!
你好 鲁迪
This is my wife Claire.
这位是我太太克莱尔
- Hi. - ‭Pleasure.
-你好 -很荣幸
Nice to meet you.
很高兴认识你
Well, please come on in.
快请进吧
- Oh! Great trampoline. - ‭Thanks.
-蹦床不错啊 -谢谢
I like to bounce at least 20 minutes a day.
我习惯每天跳至少20分钟
- It's where I get my best ideas. - ‭Okay.
-我的好点子都是在蹦跳中产生的 -好吧
How quirky.
真是个怪人啊
Oh, hey, Phil,
对了 菲尔
where were Nationals senior year?
当年的高年级比赛在哪里举行
Cleveland, Oh-- Hi-o!
克利夫兰 俄"嗨"俄州
Can you imagine putting up with this
你能想象忍受这种怪胎
- for years on end? - It's hard.
-很多年的心情吗 -的确很难
Tell you what, I'll give it some bounce time
这样吧 我去跳一会找灵感
and hit you back with an answer.
回头给你答复
Listen, you seem busy.
你好像挺忙的
I'll get straight to it.
那我就直说了
Our son Luke applied and didn't get in,
我们儿子卢克申请了这里 但没被录取
and I think it's worth reconsidering.
我觉得你可以再考虑一下
He's a great kid. He's just a late bloomer.
他是个好孩子 只是大器晚成
Okay. I think we can make something happen for your boy.
好的 我应该能帮你儿子搞定这事
Really?
真的吗
Yeah, we've let in way worse applicants than him.
是啊 比他更糟糕的学生我们也录取过了
- Rudy! - Wha--
-鲁迪 -什...
- Thank you! You're the B-E-S-T best! - ‭Yeah.
-太谢谢了 你最木奉棒了 -是啊
No problemo.
不客气
I'll just, uh...
我只要...
Hey.
对了
While you're here,
既然你都来了
I've always wanted to ask you something.
有件事我一直想问你
You remember that magic trick you used to do
你还记得以前你常表演的那个魔术吗
where you got out of a straitjacket blindfolded?
就是你蒙着眼从紧身服里挣脱出来那个
Barnum's Humbug.
巴纳姆骗局
Yeah. That one.
对 就是那个
How'd you do it?
你是怎么做到的
Magic. I-I feel like --
用魔法 我觉得应该...
No, no, no, really --
不不不 说真的
I've been trying to figure it out for years.
我已经试图破解这个魔术好几年了
Um, I'm sorry.
很抱歉
It's -- It's not customary
按照惯例
for a magician to reveal his secrets.
魔术师不可以透露自己的手法
It's also not "customary" for a Dean of Admissions
按照惯例 招生办主任也不应该
to alter an applicant's status, so...
修改申请人的录取状态 所以...
I'll go get the straitjacket from the nurse.
我去护士那里拿紧身服过来
You're gonna do it, right?
你会照做的吧
I don't know.
我不知道
Let me bounce on it.
让我蹦一会想想
Phil.
菲尔
Sweetheart?
亲爱的
Phil. Honey, Phil, you can't possibly
菲尔 亲爱的 这件事情
be struggling with this decision.
你还有什么好挣扎的
Do you know what happens to magicians
你知道透露魔术手法的魔术师
who reveal their secrets, Claire?
会有什么下场吗 克莱尔
They're shunned.
会被唾弃 会被孤立
Doesn't that happen already?
现实不已经是这样了吗
Listen, I possess knowledge
我掌握的知识
passed down from the ancient Egyptian conjurers
可是由古埃及巫师
to the prestidigitators of the Dark Ages
传给黑暗时代的变戏法人
to the amateur illusionists of today.
再传到今天的业余魔术师手上
I am worried about another trick.
我担心的是另一个戏法
I am trying to make our son disappear
我正努力把我们儿子"变"到
to a barely accredited four-year college.
一所勉强合格的四年制大学里
- There he is. - Okay, here we are.
-他来了 -好了 我拿来了
Why don't you go ahead and put these on.
你快点穿上吧
No, no, no. In here.
不不不 就在这里穿
I want to make sure I get this.
我想确保我能学会
I want to see everything.
我要看到一切细节
‭Okay.
好吧
Okay, I got it.
好 我帮你拿着
I didn't quite grasp what I was asking Phil to do,
我当时还没意识到我叫菲尔做的事有多严重
but, um...
不过...
it got weird.
后来越变越怪了
Okay.
好了
All right. Whenever you're ready.
好 你准备好就随时可以开始
Wait, th-this isn't going on the Internet, is it?
等等 这不会被放到网上吧
No, it's just for me.
不会 我自己看而已
The challenge with this escape
这套逃脱术的诀窍是
is, uh, releasing the shackles in the correct order
按正确顺序解开锁链
baring yourself gradually.
再慢慢从中挣脱出来
- Okay, more upbeat. Do the patter. - What?
-再欢乐一点 要说台词 -什么
I want to hear the old patter.
我想听以前那套台词
Blindfold him.
蒙住他的眼睛
- Take it. - ‭Yes...sir.
-拿着 -是 长官
Phil.
菲尔
Honey, you don't have to do this.
亲爱的 你不必这么做
Luke can join the army.
大不了卢克可以去参军
It's okay.
没关系
I may be locked up, but my mind is free.
肉体虽被困住 但我心是自由的
Okay.
好了
Imagine yourself in a museum
想象你正在一个博物馆里
filled with the world's oddities.
里面摆满了来自世界各地的奇异之物
No, no, no, no. Slow down.
不不不 慢一点说
Enjoy it.
享受过程
And turn around
转过去
so I can get a good look at the back.
我要看清楚背面
Let me see the back.
让我看背面[屁股]
Behold the freak
屏息以待
for all to see.
奇事即将发生
Go get my tickets.
帮我拿到门票
Is my hair a mess?
我头发是不是很塌
It's so humid out.
今天外面好潮湿
You want to talk about humidity?
你想讨论湿度吗
I once spent a steamy weekend
我曾经跟迈阿密之音乐队的
with a certain member of the Miami Sound Machine.
一位成员共度了一个很"湿"的周末
‭That's crazy!
太巧了吧
- Do you know that they're in town tonight? - What?
-你知道他们今晚就在城里吗 -什么
Can you get me two tickets?
你能帮我弄两张票吗
Oh, my God.
天啊
These hands --
这双玉手
they're so small and delicate like a child.
如此精致小巧 像孩子的手一样
I know.
我知道
This watch came from an American Girl doll.
这块手表本来是芭比娃娃戴的
- Are you gonna hook me up or what? - ‭Yes, yes.
-你到底能不能帮我搞到票 -可以
Just as soon as you and your tiny little hands
但你得先用那双小手
re-create a painting for me.
帮我重画一幅画
This way.
这边请
What do you think?
你觉得怎么样
I was going for dark and mysterious,
我追求的是阴暗神秘高冷风
but I'm afraid I circled right back
但恐怕还是回到了
to cute and approachable.
可爱亲切暖男风
Oh, she's so lucky.
她真幸运
He's always gonna be her little boy.
他永远都会是她的小宝贝
Mom, you're projecting on these mannequins.
妈 你把自己的心情投射到假人身上了
For all we know, he's a little person,
说不定他是个侏儒
and that's his wife who's evolved enough
而这位是他的老婆 有足够成熟的心
to see how big he is on the inside.
能看到他内心有多么高大
Manny, I know what you've been
曼尼 我知道你这一整天
trying to do the whole day.
都在打什么主意
I am not about to have a breakdown
我不会因为你要去上大学
because you're going to college.
就精神崩溃
I was awake last night when you were brushing my hair.
你昨晚帮我梳头的时候 我其实没睡着
Okay, yes, it's going to be hard
好吧 我的确是会很难受
because you're gonna be far away,
因为你要去很远的地方
so I'm not gonna get to see you all the time.
我就不能常常见到你了
But we'll still talk on the phone.
但我们还是会打电话啊
Yeah, at the beginning,
一开始会
but then you're gonna get busy,
但接着你就会忙学业
and then I am going to get busy.
我也有自己的事要忙
Too busy to take my calls?
你会忙到接不了我的电话吗
I have made peace with it.
我已经想通了
Your childhood days are over.
你的童年时期已经结束了
Guillermo, come back here!
吉列尔莫 回来
What are you doing?
你在做什么
Don't run away from your mother.
不要从你母亲身边跑走
Life is going to tear you apart soon enough.
很快生活就会迫使你们分别
I want to go on the merry-go-round.
我想去坐旋转木马
Oh, you're on it.
你的人生就是走马灯
You've got 10 years left with that woman.
你和她只剩下十年的相处时间了
Cherish them. Cherish her.
珍惜这段时间 珍惜她
Thanks?
谢谢
I think maybe I'm freaking out about going to school.
似乎我才是因为要上大学而慌张的那个人
I see that.
我看到了
But we're gonna be okay.
但我们会没事的
Being apart is just gonna make nights like tonight,
我们的分离只会让每个夜晚像今晚一样精彩
going to a concert, even more special.
去看演唱会 甚至更特别的
- No! ‭- Guillermo!
-不 -吉列尔莫
I don't want to!
我不想去
Okay, now it's just bad parenting.
这死小孩只是没家教罢了
This is excellent work.
这活儿太好了
- Excellent work. - ‭Really?
-太棒了 -真的吗
I'm not used to hearing that.
好不习惯听到这话啊
I get why people try now.
终于懂别人做事为何会努力了
Is that my painting?
那是我的画吗
Why is it here?
为什么在这里
Um, oh, well, because it was on loan
因为之前被借走了
to your grandma and grandpa
你祖父祖母借去摆了
just like they do with real art.
他们也这么借真艺术品
Better than most of the stuff in this house.
比这家里大多数的艺术品强多了
Now get me those Gloria Esteban tickets.
给我去弄格洛丽亚·埃斯特巴的票
It's Estefan.
是埃斯特凡
That's what I said. I'm a huge fan.
我就是这么说的啊 我可是脑残粉
Okay.
好吧
Carlos, Carlos.
卡洛斯 卡洛斯
Hey -- hey, Carlos.
你好 卡洛斯
Um, this, uh, Cameron Tucker.
我是卡梅隆·塔克
I don't know if you remember me or not.
我也不确定你还记不记得我
Oh, you -- you do.
你... 你记得啊
Okay, hi.
好久不见啊
Yeah, wondering if I could get a couple tickets
我能不能麻烦你帮我弄几张
for the show tonight.
今晚演出的票
Gloria Estefan.
格洛丽亚·埃斯特凡
Because you're in the Miami Sound Machine, silly.
因为你是迈阿密之音乐队的成员啊 傻子
What?
什么
It was loud in the bar the night I met Carlos,
我遇到卡洛斯的那晚 酒吧很吵
and it turns out he is not a member
结果发现他并不是
of the legendary band, the Miami Sound Machine.
那个传奇乐队 迈阿密之音的成员
He owns a mobile dog grooming business
他有一个狗狗美容车的生意
called Miami's Hound Machine.
名叫"迈阿狗之净"
In retrospect, I didn't need to be as alarmed
现在一看 我当时不该因他拥有
with his collection of leashes and collars.
这么多绳索与颈圈而起戒心
Okay, everybody, gather round.
大伙们聚过来
Luke has one more college to hear from,
卢克还有一家大学的回复没看
and I got a good feeling about this one.
我感觉这家挺有戏呢
Yeah.
对啊
Mom, can we not do this here?
妈 我们能别在这里看吗
Oh, come on, have a little faith.
没事啦 要有点信心
Okay, cannon's ready. And record.
礼炮已备好 开始录制
Record, got it.
录 好了
Any time, buddy.
随时开始 小家伙
All right, everyone,
好啦各位
get ready to tell me how I'm my own kind of smart
准备好安慰我天生我材必有用
and how everyone takes their own path.
老天爷自有安排
You're a different kind of smart, and everyone...
天生我材必有用 老天...
Kind of smart. Everybody takes their own path.
必有用 老天爷自有安排
I got in?
我被录取啦
What?! He got in!
什么 他进啦
He got in!
他进啦
You got in! ‭What is wrong with this thing?
你进啦 这玩意什么毛病
Wait, this doesn't make any sense.
等等 这不科学啊
I got rejected by worse schools than this.
我都被更差的学校拒绝过了
Why would they want me?
他们为什么会要收我啊
Why wouldn't they want you?
人家为什么会不要你
Honey, it's not all about grades.
宝贝 不只是学术成绩重要啊
I mean, you were involved in -- in...
你还参加了很多...
Did you talk to them?
你们跟学校谈过了吗
I'm sorry, what?
你说什么 没听清
Show me your tongue.
舌头伸出来给我看
I don't know what that would prove.
我伸舌头又能证明什么呢
This kind of seems like an embarrassing family moment.
这感觉是个尴尬的家庭时刻
I know, I'm on it.
已经在录了
‭Blue!
蓝色
You can't go to that campus
去过那学校的人
without getting a Bulldog Blast.
肯定都尝过他们的斗牛犬冰沙
We went up there to tell them they made a mistake.
我们是去告诉他们 不录取你是错误
They didn't make a mistake,
他们并没有犯错误
and neither did the other schools.
其他不要我的学校也没有做错
I'm not going.
我不会去上的
Honey, it's your last chance.
宝贝 这是你最后的机会了
Then I'll wait until next year.
那我就明年再去上
- If I go, I want to deserve it. - I can respect that.
-要去 就得是正大光明进去 -这话我服
Nobody asked for your opinion, thank you.
没人让你提供意见 谢谢
You're going.
你必须得去上
You have no idea what your father went through
你完全不知道你爸爸费了多大功夫
to get you this opportunity.
才为你弄到这机会
He debased himself in ways you can't imagine.
以你无法想象到的方式牺牲自己人格
You said it wasn't that bad.
你不是说没多严重吗
What are you watching?
你在看什么
Our neighbor sent me a video.
我们的邻居发给我个视频
It's of Haley and Mitchell.
是海莉跟米奇尔
Oh. No, that's -- okay, we don't need to...
不是 那是... 不需要放出...
It's taking forever.
太久了吧
I'm pushing as hard as I can.
我已经用全身力气推了
You have one of those things on your windshield?
你的挡风玻璃被人安上那东西了吗
How many parking tickets do you have?
你收到了多少张停车罚单啊
I think we're focused on the wrong thing here.
我觉得现在焦点不应该在我啊
Luke's not going to college.
卢克不去上大学了呢
Why is your finger pink?
你的手指为什么是粉色的
This isn't mine.
这不是我画的
I knew the perspective was off.
我就觉得作图视角怪怪的
It's Cam's fault.
是小卡的错
He made me copy it from a photo.
他让我看着照片做出来的
You know what? I accidentally destroyed the original,
是这样的 我不小心毁了原件
and I couldn't live without it.
我心里又过意不去
Mitchell Pritchett, Parenting Magazine.
米奇尔·普里契特 我代表"育儿杂志"提问
How is forging a child's painting any less egregious
伪造孩子的画就有比用派太太亡夫骨灰
than replacing a pig's ashes with Mrs. Pasternak's dead husband?
来替换猪的骨灰强到哪里去吗
It's not.
没有
I'm a hypocrite. My whole life is a lie.
我就是个伪君子 我的一生充满谎言
Carlos isn't really in the Miami Sound Machine.
卡洛斯并不是迈阿密之音的团员
He's just a -- a basic dog groomer.
他只是个... 普通的狗狗美容师
Save your money. I couldn't get you your tickets.
把钱省下来吧 我不能帮你弄到票
You're spending money on tickets
你花钱去买票
when you should be spending money on ticket --
而不是花钱去付掉罚票[单]吗...
you know what I mean.
你懂我的意思
The concert tickets were for Mitchell.
演唱会的票是帮米奇尔弄的
- So you didn't get my tickets? - ‭No.
-所以你没帮我搞来门票吗 -没有
- So you didn't get my tickets. - The website was insane.
-你没帮我买到票啊 -那网站像神经病
You'd need the reflexes of a mongoose.
没有猫鼬般的反应速度根本抢不到
You lied to me.
你骗了我
Well, look around! Everybody's lying.
看看大家 谁都在说谎
Forging paintings, driving blind,
伪造画作 盲眼开车
swapping ashes.
偷换骨灰
I didn't want to ruin the Pig Moon.
我不想毁了你的猪月嘛
There is no Pig Moon.
没有什么猪月好吗
How backwards do you think Grasshopper, Missouri is?
你是觉得我密苏里老家有多落后啊
Guys, guys. I've got this.
大家听我说 我能解决
Guys.
各位
I talked to Judge Tager.
我打给塔格法官了
He'll make your parking tickets disappear
他同意撤销你的罚单
in return for a couple of Cubans.
代价是给他来俩上好古巴雪茄
You took three.
你拿了三根
The other one is for the security guard at the club.
另一根是给俱乐部的保安
He moonlights where Estefan's playing tonight.
他今晚在埃斯特凡的演唱会兼职保安
He'll meet you by the stage door.
你们到时候入口见
Thank you for fixing Jay's lies.
谢谢你帮杰圆了谎
We all struggle with the truth.
我们都对说出实话感到棘手
like last Thursday when I stalled Jay at the club
就像上周四我帮你把杰拖在俱乐部
so you could get Joe out of the doggy door.
好让你有时间把乔弄出狗门
She locked us out, and the stove was on.
她不小心把我俩锁门外了 而瓦斯炉又没关
- And you two. - You know a guy at a club that can help us?
-至于你们两个 -你有认识人能帮忙吗
No. Just talk more.
没有 你们多谈谈就行了
90% of your problems would be solved
你们9成的问题
if you just discussed things.
都只需要多谈谈就能解决
The Vanderkoff is a knock-off.
家里的范德考夫沙发是山寨货
I burnt a hole in the knock-off,
我不小心把山寨货烫出了个洞
and I had replaced it with a real one.
所以买了个新的真品替换
Okay, everything's settled here.
好了 所有问题都解决了
I think the steaks are ready. Let's go eat.
我觉得牛排好了 我们去吃饭吧
Well, I guess our son
看来我们的儿子
isn't going to college this year.
今年是不会去上大学了
I know, and I know we're supposed to be worried about him.
是啊 而我们本来应该很担心他
But do you see what he just did,
但你看到他刚才做的了吗
how he solved everybody's problems like that?
他怎么帮大家解决问题
It's pretty incredible, right?
还挺厉害的吧
That's a Dunphy man, Claire --
他是个邓菲家的好男儿啊 克莱尔
resourceful, cool,
足智多谋 临危不乱
and just the right amount of savoir faire.
以及恰到好处的随机应变力
I'll, uh -- I'll see you in the kitchen.
我... 我们厨房见
So this is a real Vanderkoff.
所以这是真的范德考夫沙发啊
Yeah, yeah. Feels good to finally be free of that secret.
对啊 从这秘密中解放出来太爽了
Yeah, it's just... great to have everything out in the open.
对啊 把事情都摊开来说感觉太好了
Yeah.
是啊
That expensive painting you bought me over there,
那边你买来送我的名贵油画
I moved it to cover up a hope I made in the wall.
我移动他是为了挡墙上我弄出来的洞
I only paid 25 cents for that painting at a garage sale.
我是在人家二手拍卖的时候花2毛5买的
I used the rest of the money on shoes
剩下的钱我拿去买鞋了
I get electrolysis. My beard grows up to here.
我有做电流除毛 不然我胡子会长到这
I don't really know how to line dance,
我其实不会跳排舞
and that's why those cowboys laught at you
所以你做我教你的东西时
when you did what I taught you.
那些牛仔都在笑你
- That's not Larry - That's not Larry.
-那不是拉里 -那不是拉里