My mother's recipe -- guinea-pig pie.
You just accept that? It's pecan.
How cuckoo do you think my country is?
It's come to this --
"What's cooking" and "Smells good"
gets me in trouble?
Mom, you're already cooking for tomorrow?
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Don't make a big deal.
My baby's graduating.
He won the award for Integrity and Character.
翻译: 洗七里 zoeyyyyy 留级油腻希 灰灰是菇凉
"No absents, no tardies,
respectful to student and teachers alike."
My school had an award like that,
but instead of a sash, that kid
got a punch in the mouth.
Proud of you, though.
Why do all your stories involve a punch in the face,
a shifty European, or a broad who's been around the block?
That reminds me of when I had to rough up this Italian kid
because he didn't want me dating his sister.
She was no nun!
- Jay, can you please take care of the steaks? - Sure.
-杰 你帮我处理下牛排好吗 -好
On the eve of your big day, we're celebrating with rib eyes,
and you and I are gonna have our first scotch.
- Really?! - Yeah.
I've been waiting to open a special bottle.
Huh. Looks like the mice got into it.
Hello, hello?! Where's my son?
What, did he hop the gate?
I know, but you came!
How could I miss it?
Manny, the first member of my family
- to ever graduate from high school. - Wait a minute.
Don't you have a brother in Colombia who's a doctor?
He just does orthopedic surgery,
no brain or heart.
Think of it -- Tomorrow, I will watch you
stride across the stage with a sash,
like a rebel's bandolier
telling the world "No absents, no tardies."
Manny and I were gonna grill some steaks
and drink some, um, beers.
Thank you, Jay, but if it's all right with you,
谢谢你 杰 但如果你不介意
I would like to take Manny out
for a special father-son celebration.
Ah, sure. I mean, he... made the effort to come.
Didn't have time to button his shirt all the way up.
Perfect! The night begins.
Walk through this.
I know that smells terrible,
but I've never seen that man get a mosquito bite.
There he is -- the graduate.
I have one word for you, Luke -- Plastics.
我只有一个词可对你说 卢克 塑料
I don't think he knows that movie, honey.
Mrs. Dunphy, you're trying to seduce me.
Okay, let's just give him the gift, all right?
Okay, but first, gather around, everybody!
好 但首先 大家都聚过来
What has two hands, is wound tight,
and has a lot of ticks?
Good guess, but no.
This was made in Switzerland,
not in the Disneyland Hotel.
Awesome! A watch!
We wanted to give it to you early
so you could wear it to graduation today.
Yeah. It's shockproof.
Oh, good. You can show it your grades.
-I love it. - What time is it?
Time for my little man to go out in the world
and make his mark like the tiny trouper he used to be.
Hold on. I'll be right back.
I remember when he was so small,
we'd give him a bath in the sink.
Dad, we really got to talk about the crying.
When we graduated, you were a mess, and it was humiliating.
Showing emotion is part of being a sexy modern man.
Ask anyone who was raised on Alan Alda.
I don't think we have to worry
about him going anywhere anytime soon.
He just installed a mini fridge and a hammock in his room.
Mom, Dad, you did all the hard work getting me through high school.
妈 爸 你们含辛茹苦供我高中毕业
You deserve a gift.
But what do you get the Cadillac of parents?
How did you afford that?
It was only $2,000.
Judge Thompson, from the club, got me into a police auction.
If I had 40 more dollars, you'd be looking at a speedboat.
So, what do you think?
It's... It's wow.
I loved the macaroni necklace he made me in first grade,
and I even used the perfume he gave me in fifth grade,
but this car is so gaudy.
People are gonna think I played for the Knicks in the '70s.
It's the most beautiful gesture I have ever seen.
It's 100% class.
Hey, Mom, didn't you say you had some errands to run?
Oh. I -- In a little while.
Uh, s-- Yeah, but -- Um, gosh, it's got fur. Wow.
是啊 但 天啊 还有皮草
It's like driving a lion.
Hey, before you go, give us a honk.
The horn doesn't help, does it?
So, I've narrowed it down to Swiss Coffee
and Whispering White.
But I can't decide between matte or satin.
I thought we landed on eggshell.
We decided against eggshell.
W-Why don't we just sell the house?
Why don't we just paint the floor eggshell
since that's what I'm walking on.
Okay. I forgot to give this to you.
Oh, thank you. Have a good day at school, sweetie.
谢谢 在学校过得开心啊 亲爱的
It's fourth grade. We're all just treading water.
Ah, well, it's -- it's from the principal's office.
- She is? - That's what it says.
Are you sure it's not for Lily Rosen?
You were at that science fair.
She brought that frog back to life!
This is for our Lily.
T-They're suggesting that she skip fifth grade
and go right into middle school next year.
"Lily is testing
- far above her grade level... - What?
...and we feel she would benefit
from a more challenging curriculum."
I know! All these years we thought that she was, uh --
God, what's the word?
So many words. But she was just really smart.
Holed up in her room every day after school, she wasn't --
plotting to kill us?
I was gonna say daydreaming.
They -- They want us to tour the school today if possible.
This is so exciting.
Our little baby's a genius!
You know, um, I also skipped a grade.
I'm not saying I was a genius, but --
Good, because we're getting along so well right now.
- Thanks so much. - Hey, guess what.
They want Lily to skip fifth grade.
Traditionally, the person who says "Guess what"
also gets to say the what.
Wait a second. Lily's smart?
Look. I mean, there's proof of that?
Yeah. Right there. Yes.
They asked Alex to skip a grade, too...
It's not a competition, Claire.
...but we felt that it would be too much stress
to have her with kids so much older.
Good for Lily! Yeah.
I just always thought she was, you know...
- So did we. - Yeah. Us too. Yeah.
How was your big night with Javier?
- Booze or burgers? - Booze.
I drank so much, I had an angry slap fight
with what turned out to be a mirror.
Do I hear my Manny?!
When you're hungover, it's like a car alarm.
Happy graduation day!
I need your sash and your gown.
So that I can press it.
I don't want anyone looking wrinkly.
but it's fun that you're right there.
I, uh, left them at school. I'll run over there.
Mama, I have a stomachache.
And my ankle is broken.
with your broken ankle?
I had a cousin got out of Vietnam that way.
Whenever Manny's getting
a lot of attention,
Joe gets very needy --
"My head," "My arm."
In Colombia, we say,
"If it's not bleeding, shut your guinea-pig hole."
We actually do eat guinea pig.
Call me back, Dad!
I kind of misplaced my cap and gown and sash.
Maybe they're at that strip club you went to last night.
Shh! How did you know?
It's all over your face.
Tell me what happened.
We picked up my graduation stuff on the way, and --
I don't know. I guess the tassel got my dad thinking.
Why didn't you leave them in the car?
I didn't want them to get stolen.
And I may have taken it out
to impress a certain Chyna with a "y."
I think she really liked me.
I'm not gonna spoil that one for ya.
I graduate in five hours!
We'll get you another cap and gown.
That sash has been worn by every honoree for decades.
I'm not gonna be the one to lose it
after it's survived earthquakes and wars
and the lunchroom gravy fire of '64!
- Fine. Where is this place? - I don't know!
-好吧 那地方在哪 -我不知道
I remember there was a lot of brass and mirrors
and loud '80s music.
Well, that narrows it down.
Wait. Uh, it was by the airport.
All right. We'll find it. I'll take you.
好的 我们会找到的 我带你去
Don't worry. It'll be our little secret.
What happened to him?
We need to talk to you. Sit down.
Baby pictures of Luke?
More than baby pictures.
You're gonna watch Luke grow up to sappy music.
Why are you doing this?
To get all the crying out of your system
so you don't melt down at the graduation.
It's like when you drink too much
and your friends get you super-wasted
so you never drink again for the rest of the week.
It's the first time he saw snow.
His baby blanket?! Why?!
Hey, nice car, Grey Gardens!
It was a gift from my son!
You call that a tiger?
And we're very proud of our state-of-the-art computer lab.
It's so weird -- Every time I step into a middle school,
I feel like I'm 14 ag-a-in.
That...was on me. He wasn't gonna do anything.
How much is his therapy costing again?
We used to think that was snark.
Now we know it's wit. Yeah.
Uh, Mr. Peterson, we just want to be certain
that this environment's the right fit for Lily.
We have a lot of experience dealing with accelerated students.
But if Lily really is gifted,
then maybe there's another path -- private schools.
Although, I do love the diversity of a public school.
- On the other hand, I do wonder -- - Okay, you know what?
-另一方面 我确实怀疑... -行了 你知道吗
We're just deciding if she's gonna skip a grade.
We're not charting out the next 20 years of her life.
Well, no, choices have consequences.
If we don't do this right,
she could lose all interest in school and drop out,
and the next thing you know, we're supporting her
and her deadbeat boyfriend and our savings are drained,
and then we have to sell the house!
Okay, why do all your meltdowns
- have to do with us selling the house? - I'm just saying --
- We're gonna give you guys a minute, okay? - Okay.
-你们先商量一下 好吗 -好的
Lily, do you want to see the computer lab?
This feels like a good time to tell you I'm adopted.
Maybe Claire's right.
Maybe it's too much pressure for her to skip a grade.
I did it, and I'm fine.
I'm sorry. Um -- Hey, w-what does "uh-huh" mean?
Well, perhaps you're not the...best advertisement
for skipping a grade.
So, wait. You're afraid Lily's gonna turn out like me?
I'm just saying that maybe you skipping a grade
put too much pressure on you,
and it exacerbated your neurotic tendencies,
and now you can't even make a tiny, little decision
about, you know... paint.
Y-You -- I don't have to just st--
Oh, you think you are so s--
You can't decide how to storm off, can you?
Luke's first haircut.
He gave me bangs.
Hopefully you're all cried out.
You remember when he hid that mouse trap under the pillow
to catch the tooth fairy?
Dad, we got to start getting ready for the graduation.
Yeah, so maybe splash some cold water on your face
Do you guys remember that "Luke Loves Daddy" rap?
* My name is Luke Dunphy *
* 我叫卢克·邓菲 *
* And I'm here to say *
* 我在这里要说 *
* I love Daddy *
* 我爱爸爸 *
I thought you said he'd be cried out by now.
Dad, please, you really got to stop.
爸爸 拜托 你快停下吧
That's what he said when I was the tickle monster!
Mama, now my tooth hurts.
Well, I guess you can't have cake today.
What if it's my leg?
Claire, I guess I'm picking up the cake myself,
because you didn't answer my messages.
Hey, Claire, are you having fun at the Gym Town?
As a matter of fact, I am.
This is my new friend, Charlie.
He loves dinosaurs,
and tomorrow we're both gonna have pink eye.
Can you go and find the negligent adult that brought you here?
Oh, do you have to go so soon?
Yeah, you're like two sniffs away from a felony.
I gave Phil such a hard time
for being too emotional about Luke's graduation,
but I think it's hitting me more than I want to admit.
I know. It happens so fast.
Luke used to love coming here.
Today he gave us a Rolls-Royce.
The one outside is yours?
I thought I was gonna be able to meet Mr. Burt Reynolds!
You're lucky. When Manny goes, you still have Joe.
你很幸运 等曼尼走了 还有乔陪着你
Yeah, but it doesn't make it hurt any less.
We just have face it --
They're not boys anymore. They're men.
Luke has a job, and he's dating.
He can serve on a jury. God, that's terrifying.
他可以加入陪审团了 老天 太可怕了
I know. Manny ditched us last night to go drinking.
He thinks I don't know, but I know.
He smelled like a sweaty peppermint.
I saw the pictures that he texted Luke from the strip club.
Is that where Javier took him?
Oh. You did not know that. I'm sorry.
But it -- it looked like one of the classier establishments.
The girl that was sitting on Manny's lap
had on a really cute top,
at -- at least in the first picture.
The one time that I thought
that he was going to be a good father,
and he teaches Manny how to be a dog!
I'm gonna kill him!
Hey, look at me! I'm about to talk to a stranger!
Oh, yes. This is it. This is the one.
太好了 找到了 就是这里
Ugh. It wasn't this depressing last night.
The lunch scene in a strip joint
is like a refugee camp with less hope.
Uh, my friend left some personal belongings here last night.
Anything left behind, uh, goes in the lost and found.
There's a jacket... glasses...
...hairpiece, I hope...
- What about my stuff?! - Nope.
There's a lot of wedding rings in here, though.
Sir, we're in a big hurry.
Have you seen a cap and gown and sash?
Gentlemen, put your hands together for...
Val the Dictorian!
She definitely looks like she knows stuff.
Credit where credit is due --
She put together a pretty solid act in very little time.
Can you just please help me get my stuff back?
Hi. Heh. Here's the thing.
The gown, everything --
He actually left them here last night.
I was having a tete-a-tete with Chyna.
She probably mentioned me. Hope I didn't lead her on.
See, I'm going to college soon, and I --
and I don't want any loose ends.
I'm in the middle of my act.
Sure, but the thing is he's got to get it back,
so if you could strip a little more in our direction...
I'm such a screw-up.
It should say "Perverted Schnapps Maniac."
It smells like Miss Dictorian's perfume.
I can't wear this. I'm a fraud.
No absents? Oh, I've got one big absent -- my soul.
Manny, you've spent your whole life trying to be perfect,
and this is throwing you for a loop -- I get it.
But if you just look around this room,
you'll realize people make mistakes.
You could do way worse than you did last night,
and it ain't gonna change a thing.
So my advice -- try to be a little easier on yourself.
Oh, God, there's Chyna.
Pretending to ignore me!
She's as transparent as her pumps.
James Earl Carter.
Have you seen my booboo?
Ohh! Poor baby! Mwah.
Nicole Ingrid Cortez.
Can you please move over? I have to kill someone.
Charles Mark Coleson.
I hope that you had fun last night.
Oh, I did. It was a magical time.
- Lucy Coleson. - I can't believe that you --
Me either. Look at our son over there, eh?
- He's perfect. - Yeah, and then you come along
-他真是个完美的孩子 -是的 然后你来了
- and you expose him to all this -- - Me?
It was you who exposed him to so many amazing things.
You raised him to be a wonderful man without my help.
Every single thing that is good about him is because of you.
Thank you for being the finest mother to our son.
Damn it. You're welcome.
I'm sorry about earlier.
It's not that I don't want Lily to be like you --
No, no. Hey. You're right, okay?
不 不 你说得对
I'm an indecisive mess.
Of course I don't want that for her.
And for the record,
I don't want her to be like me, either.
Ohh! It's not like I'm exactly an overachiever.
Yeah, you jumped on that one pretty quick.
If you care about what I think...
- ...I want to skip.
Are you sure, sweetie? Because it's a lot of pressure.
你确定吗 亲爱的 压力会很大的
- I can handle it. - But what about all your friends?
I mean, look at -- look at these kids.
A lot of them have known each other since kindergarten.
I'll make new friends. Kids really like me.
Phil, I'm sorry I gave you grief earlier.
Today has hit me much harder than I thought it would.
It's okay to be emotional.
It's too late. I'm all cried out.
It's like there's no more moisture left in my body.
I'm afraid if I blink, my eyes will get stuck.
Do you remember that video where the lion greets the man...
...and hugs him 'cause he hasn't seen him in 20 years?
Yep. I sure do. I am...dead inside.
Manuel Alberto Delgado.
Bravo, Manny! Baby!
太棒啦 曼尼 宝贝
Mwah! You did it, buddy!
Lucas Phillip Dunphy.
Whoo! My baby, my baby!
Remember how cute he was
in his little Buzz Lightyear costume?
Or how he used to say "Burfday" and "Li-bary"?
This is... tearing me up.
Why does your gown smell like Haley's perfume?
This is a fun game, isn't it? But you know what?
Maybe one where we just sat at a table...
Congratulations on the first
of what I'm sure will be many diplomas.
Unless you want to skip all that
and move to Colombia and become a radiologist.
Thanks for helping me with the cap-and-gown mess.
I don't know what I would have done without you.
I'm just happy you and your dad
got to have some father-son time last night.
It's just with me graduating and everything,
I kind of wanted to say --
you and me today, you know,
that's what I think of as father-son time.
Let me tell you something.
After my divorce,
my rule for dating was no kids.
And then you and your mom came along,
and all of that went right out the window.
What I'm trying to say is...
...here's to you, son.
You know, I'm still kind of hungover.
You're a man now! Power through!
The thing is, we love the car.
We were so moved by the gesture.
I guess I just needed to rehydrate.
But we can't keep it.
Honey, it's just -- It's too generous.
宝贝 这礼... 这礼物太重了
But I love you guys so much.
You're the graduate. You need the car. It's yours.
毕业的是你 你需要台车 送给你
I don't know what to say.
How 'bout "Nailed it"?
I wanted that sweet ride from the moment I saw it,
but I knew my parents would never let me get it.
I also knew they'd never keep it if I gave it to them, so...
If there were any S.A.T. questions
about tricking your parents, I'd be going to college.
Come on, you guys. Let's roll.
You guys leaving already?
Yeah, we all have plans.
There are nine girls who will freak
if I don't make an appearance at Jenna's.
I'm confused. I-Is she fun?
- See ya later! - Bye!
Oh, my gosh! Luke is driving!
They didn't even stay for dessert!
Oh, God. They're really gone.
But isn't it what we hoped for?
We raised them to be independent,
and now they're out in the world having their own lives.
- Salud! - To us!
Oh, sorry I missed the first part,
but I'll drink to whatever you're toasting.
Uh...what are you doing?
Well, I'm just trying to see
if there's anything else about Lily we haven't noticed.
Like -- she plays golf?
No, we would know. Aren't there greens fees?
And what about this? Huh?
She likes Italian films?
Well, no wonder she thought
Collision Course" was boring.
Okay. What else?
A photo of Lily shaking hands with the governor?!
Okay, maybe we need to start paying more attention.
Or if it ain't broke...
- Yeah, she's fine. - She's fine.
-...硬修了 她没事的 -挺好的