Great. The karaoke machine.
Thanks, Uncle Mitch.
It's Cam's, and he loves it.
He's never more than two glasses of wine away
from treating us all to an impromptu concert.
It's 100 bucks if you break it.
- Really? - Do you want more?
Who's America's favorite TV mom?
That must make me the Beaver.
I can't hear too well. How hard is Luke laughing?
Don't waste this gold on me.
Get over to the Hendersons' party,
b 316 121 316 121 316 121 b 316 121 320 121 323 121 b 323 121 323 123 323 123 b b 311 122 317 114 317 114 b 317 114 317 114 317 114 b b b 317 105 316 107 314 112 b 313 112
m 71 60 b 71 0 161 0 161 60 b 161 120 71 120 71 60
m 20 0 l 209 0 b b b 11 228 0 218 0 209 l 0 20 b 0 11 11 0 20 0
put your keys in a bowl, do the Hustle.
Your uncool parents
aren't gonna hang around your party
and make it all lame.
Of course not. Hey.
I just heard a story about a kid who had an unsupervised party
and one of the guests broke his leg
because he jumped off the roof onto a trampoline
and sued the parents.
We have a trampoline. And a roof.
对哦 我们有蹦床 也有屋顶
I need to know that you're joking.
Mom, I have everything under control.
He's a responsible young man!
Have a little faith in your son.
These are all the emergency numbers.
That's Fire, Police, Poison Control, Homeland Security.
消防队 警察 毒物控制中心 国土安全部
I mean, unless you... happen to have other plans.
Yeah, let's just pretend I partied too hard last night.
You're an animal.
- Dang it! - What's wrong?
Is this flower straight?
That's payback from last year.
A Pritchett always pays his debts.
I have no idea what you're talking about.
The Friedmans' pool party.
That's what I say.
What is -- Classic.
The old fly in the plastic ice cube gag.
I did the ice cube.
Well, now you're the one who's wet.
Not really. Most of it's on the floor.
Phil, are you okay?
Hey, you know what the Beaver said
when he slipped in water?
- Damn it? - Damn it.
Jay, as a Catholic, I do not feel right about this.
杰 作为天主教徒 我觉得这样不对
Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.
It's the perfect family costume.
It doesn't even make sense. Joe should be the Jesus.
"Joe" Short for "Joseph."
"Jay" Short for "Jaysus."
It's the only way it makes sense.
But he's the child.
You're overthinking it.
Huh? You get who this is, right?
Harriet Tub Man?
Oh, Joyce Carol Floats.
Farrah Faucet, spelled F-A-U --
And why are you only guessing women?
I'm Dalton Trumbo, blacklisted screenwriter,
1947-57年间 二战后对共产主义的恐惧与仇恨使美国娱乐业中被认为支持共产主义者 皆上了黑名单
wrote in a bathtub.
I'm a little worried that because of the movie,
a lot of people will have this costume.
I think you're good. Nobody going to Luke's party
will ever be able to figure out that costume.
Yeah, that's why I'm going to a different party.
You're not skipping Luke's party to go to someone else's.
There's going to be a million people at Luke's.
He's not going to care whether or not I attend.
Manny, is this because Luke beat you
for class president?
Why can't you get over this devastating humiliation?
Because something keeps me reminding me.
But it has nothing to do with that.
Sophie Chambers is throwing a party
with a much more sophisticated crow--
You're not going to any party thrown by any member
of that crooked Earl Chambers family.
That bastard stole my closet company right out from under me!
Don't say the word "Bastard" when you're dressed like Jesus!
And you -- never turn your back on family.
My cousin Gomez skipped my other cousin Gomez's party,
and my cousin Gomez felt completely stabbed in the back.
- Because he -- - Because he was.
Come on. The party's going to be at Sophie's grandpa's mansion.
It's the social event of the season.
You're going to Luke's!
You heard your mother! You're going to Luke's!
- You're going to Earl's. - What?
You're gonna put dead fish in his shoes.
And I'm gonna cover for you if your mother gets suspicious.
做为交换 如果你妈起疑心 我会替你掩护
Where am I going to hide fish?
You're in a bathtub!
- Happy Halloween! Thank you. - Happy Halloween.
-万圣节快乐 谢谢 -万圣节快乐
- They just took one, right? - Yes.
-他们就拿了一个 对吧 -是啊
How much candy do we have to hand out
before I go trick-or-treating?
Can't I just take a knife and go by myself?
No one would mess with me.
I told you she was too young for "West Side Story."
Hmm. W-What are you doing?
What? It's my one and only candy bar for the night.
No more Snickers.
If you don't want to hear any more snickers
then don't pretend that's your last candy bar.
Cam doesn't react well to candy.
Which is why I never eat it. Except on Halloween.
And I admit, in years past, I may have overindulged.
Which leads to a crazy high
followed by a tearful, self-loathing crash.
It's a Days of Red Vines and Roses.
I know that laugh. Not this year.
Yeah, crazy for justice!
And just because you're dressed like a villain
doesn't mean you have to act like one!
Oh, my God. Can you believe that?
Yes, a 9-year-old kid
wanting extra candy on Halloween.
Oh, it is baffling.
Speaking of 9-year-olds wanting candy on Halloween...
Okay, just a second, honey.
Cam, maybe grabbing a kid's arm
is where we draw the line.
I think I read that in every single law book.
This sounds like something
we could be talking about on the sidewalk.
Okay, just a second, honey. You know what, Mitchell?
稍等亲爱的 你知道吗 米奇尔
That same little jerk grabs a handful of candy every year.
He's my Halloween nemesis.
There is a social contract.
You say "Trick or treat," you get one piece of candy.
That breaks down, we're just a hop, skip, and a jump
to a lawless wasteland where we use beads and teeth for money!
That was your first candy bar, you say?
You think maybe you should have a little protein
to balance that out?
I don't need any protein.
I feel like the universe is telling you differently.
He went that way! Past all the houses handing out candy!
No, see, his name is Joe.
不 你看 他叫乔
Yeah, but wouldn't the child be Jesus?
I got to take this.
Tell her what we're doing with this.
My husband is going to hell
and he's trying to take us with him.
Okay, I'm in Earl's bedroom.
Do you want me to show you his shoes
so you can pick which ones I shove fish into?
Follow your heart, kid. Wait a minute. What's that?
追随你的内心 孩子 等等 那是什么
That picture on the wall behind you.
What is that? Let me see it.
David Soul played Hutch in "Starsky and Hutch."
Now, one of my groovier closet ideas
was a hutch for your skis
that latched onto the end of your closet.
I called it the "Storeski End Hutch".
David Soul gave me a signed picture.
Well, one day, the picture disappears
and Earl plays innocent.
But the whole time, he's had it.
Ironically, this would've been
a great episode in "Starsky and Hutch."
But what about the fish?
Oh, so, for no reason,
I've just been carrying around this red herring?
I want that picture.
You want it, you steal it.
I still have some self-respect.
Gloria, you won't believe this.
Manny never showed up at Luke's party.
They think he went to Sophie's.
So disappointed in him.
I know, and I hate to drive over there
and drag him to Luke's,
but I know better than to try to stop you.
I feel bad about embarrassing him,
but I was very clear about this.
Well, maybe next time he'll... get the picture.
Why did you just chuckle like that?
Nothing. The -- The beard tickles.
Come on, I'll drive.
- Here you go. - Sorry I forgot that, buddy.
I would have grabbed it myself,
but we were trying to respect
the whole "No parents" thing.
Also, how would it look if I went into your party
looking for some tail?
I'm gonna reuse that later. Act surprised.
Hey, honey. How's it going in there?
I know you were going to say
that I'm being a neurotic, overly protective mom, but I --
I saw that, too. Something's up with Luke.
You think he's in over his head?
I should check on him. Should I check on him?
I should check on him.
You are never sexier than when you out-crazy me.
Don't let anyone see you.
Shh! I'm not a real beaver! It's me -- Dad!
我不是真的海狸 是我 你爸
What are you doing?
I just wanted to make sure everything's okay.
Luke seems upset.
Where is everybody?
Are people upstairs? I said nobody upstairs!
Nobody's upstairs. Nobody's even downstairs.
They are literally like five people here.
Hello, my dearest.
Well, four, and Reuben.
好吧 四个人 加一个罗本
I see your costume is The Most Beautiful Woman in the World.
Shut up, Reuben. You make everything terrible.
闭嘴 罗本 你让一切都变得很瞎
Don't flatter yourself!
Just because I'm alone on Halloween
doesn't mean I don't have plenty of suitors!
Last week, an Uber driver asked to see my feet!
Reuben, are you listening to me?!
- One last one. - Good. 'Cause you're vibrating right now.
-最后一个 -很好 因为你现在在颤抖
With rage -- Not sugar, rage.
是气到发抖 不是糖吃多了 是愤怒
Hello. Excuse me. Hi.
你们好 打扰一下 你好
Have you seen a little brat about this tall
dressed as Darth Vader?
Throws eggs. Laughs like this --
Find him yourself. You're Batman.
That one's on my list.
I don't think there's any more room.
I'm gonna go throw away these apples
and make space for more candy.
Cam, I feel terrible that you got hit with an egg,
but you're ruining the night for Lily.
Do you have to nurse every single grudge?
- I don't do that. - Are you kidding me?
You have more archenemies than the actual Batman.
How about that sales lady who helped you with the scarf?
She implied my neck was the problem.
The Spanish teacher you've been working with?
He calls me "locos frijoles"
like I don't know what that means.
- It's "crazy beans," right? - Yes, it is.
Oh, and don't forget about Andrew from your old choir.
He stole my piano key scarf, which is why
I had to go into the stupid scarf store to begin with!
Okay, you know what?
Maybe I do have an overdeveloped sense of justice.
- Thank you. - But maybe I wouldn't...
if my partner took my side every once in a while.
I take your side when I agree with you.
That's easy. Anybody can do that.
Marriage is about sticking up for your partner,
even...when you don't agree with him.
Do you remember last week at lunch
when they brought you regular fries
and you insisted that you ordered sweet potato fries?
You ordered regular fries.
- No, I didn't. - You absolutely did.
-不 我没有 -你绝对是那样
And I stuck up for you because I love you.
And because you love sweet potato fries.
- Hey, Dad. - What?
There's that kid you hate.
Holy Halloween. There he is.
Oh, poor Luke. He must be crushed.
It's not as easy to pack a high-school party
as it was in our day, Claire.
Apparently, it's no longer cool
for kids to invite teachers or parents.
It makes my heart hurt.
I mean, people like him, don't they?
Why wouldn't they?
He's by far the most likable of all our children.
Then why didn't anybody come to his party?
Because they're all at Sophie Chambers' party.
- Who? - A kid in Luke's class.
I'm Facebook friends with her brother
'cause he used to sell me wee-gs. Wigs.
That's how he pronounces it. He's British.
When are you guys gonna talk, huh?
Luke worked so hard on this party.
He made his own costume, did all the decorations.
He even thought he hid that bottle of
Peppermint Schnapps under his bed.
This is the kind of thing that could ruin his first senior year.
Wait! I can help!
Are we forgetting what I do for a living? Huh?
You...pretend to be friends with celebrities.
So you can sell h-- hats?
I can go to Sophie's and talk up Luke's party.
- In an hour, it'll be packed. - Great!
-一个小时后 绝对人满 -太棒了
While you do that, I'm gonna get the party started.
A dad hanging around will only make that party lamer.
But not Rod Skyhook, yo!
The coolest new transfer student ever!
What do cool kids call girls nowadays?
Don't worry. There are none in there.
I'm glad my hypoglycemia
doesn't prevent me from filling up on eye candy.
Sorry. I can't hear you.
I'm listening to a message
from the sexiest professor in the physics department.
Let's just say he got drunk after a symposium last year
and asked me to wheel him home.
Thanks for inviting me to your party, brah!
Sweet jams. Where are all the fillies at?!
I'm Rod Skyhook -- recent transfer student, yo!
What's that knockin'?
Oh, it's me, about to get this party rockin'!
It's all good up under the hood, biznatches!
Pretty soon, every kid in here's
gonna call everyone they know,
tell them to get their butts down here.
You want to gas up the foot traffic --
I'm not inviting parents.
Your party, broseph!
I'm gonna need some beats!
Dalton Trumbo. He wrote in the bathtub.
Maybe, as a screenwriter,
he knew he was going to take a bath on the back end.
You smell like fish.
Oh, my God, you guys. This party's such a snore.
我的天 妹子们 这个派对太无聊了
I should have stayed at Luke Dunphy's party.
That was going off!
Isn't he the guy that ate
a jar of mayonnaise for a dollar?
Probably, 'cause he's a wild man.
That's why his parties are always insane.
Look, it's really exclusive,
but I could probably get you guys down on the list.
Really? Who's there?
Uh, just everyone. Luke...
What are you doing at my sister's party?
Oh, nothing. Just-Just something for my mom.
Wow, it's so good to see you.
You, uh, still in the sales industry?
How guilty? That is a costume, right?
Yeah. I went legit.
I work for a dispensary. I deliver.
I forgot how much I like you.
Did you say Dumbo?
In the 1950s, a certain senator from Wisconsin
named Joe McCarthy --
Hey! Let's dance!
You said that you were going to Luke's.
Yeah, but Jay said --
Don't you say a word, mister!
I will deal with you later.
Jay said I could come to the party
if I put dead fish in Earl's shoes.
Where does he come up with this stuff?
Are you lying, dressed as our Lord and Savior?
What is that? Did you steal that?
No. I've had this with me all night.
Manny, don't stand next to him!
Look what you did!
What the hell do you think you're doing?
We're just leaving, Earl!
That Soul is mine.
- Give it back! - When hell freezes over!
Come here, Earl! Come here!
你过来 厄尔 你给我过来
As soon as they stop fighting
about whatever stupid new thing that they're fighting about,
we're getting the car and we're going to Luke's.
I'm not really in the mood for another party.
Well, I wasn't in the mood to insult God tonight,
but the Bible also said, "Listen to your husband."
I'm very tense about this, so don't fight me!
And get in the car.
We'll take this bathtub and put it in the roof.
No. I won't fit in at the party.
Nobody gets me, Mom,
and I'm starting to worry nobody ever will.
Who cares that the kids your age don't get you?
That means that you're more interesting than them.
That means that you're gonna be hanging out around people
that are more interesting.
You're gonna have a more inter-
Interesting life. Yes, I know.
更有趣的人生 是啊 我知道
I've been hearing this speech since I was 5.
When's it gonna happen?
Jesus has the devil in a headlock.
That's not interesting to you?
I'm the one who came up with "Storeski End Hutch."
Just like I came up with the "Dr. Quinn Medicine Cabinet."
You were the hack! I was the visionary!
I saw my reflection and I asked myself --
What would Jesus do?
It's time to be the bigger man.
This isn't over, Pritchett.
I don't want to do this anymore.
Wh-What are you saying?
This has gone on too long. The lies, the anger.
And what I left in your sock drawer tonight.
Keep the picture, Earl. I forgive you.
签名照你留着吧 厄尔 我宽恕你
It's gonna drive that son of a bitch crazy.
I have been waiting for over an hour,
and not a single person has left this party.
Oh, my God, this is the best sushi I've ever had.
For the first time, I can taste the yellowtail from the sea
and then the rice from the land,
then back to the sea for the seaweed.
Looks like you did more than just seaweed.
Mom, you're beautiful.
Does Dad tell you that enough?
I would hate to see a cleaver
- in your head for real. - No. Honey.
-我会很伤心的 -别说了 宝贝
- Sarah? - Mrs. Dunphy.
It's not mine. Please don't tell my parents.
That's when I realized
I didn't need Haley to undermine a party.
I just needed to drop the Mom-bomb.
Don't you two look cozy.
Remember, it's not easy raising a baby by yourself.
That's a fun way to serve Jell-O.
Let me get a pic for your moms.
Isn't that better?
Now we can all see and hear each other.
You got a little something --
Who are you, and what are you doing at my party?
Just making sure everybody's having a good, clean, safe time.
Somebody's talked to you all about herpes, right?
Let's just go to that other kid's party.
You know, I made out with Rod Skyhook once.
He's obsessed with me.
Hey, remember last week when we all had lunch together --
You ordered the regular fries and Daddy lied for you.
Wait. There he is.
Darth Vader! Freeze!
Hey, there, fellas.
You're a little old, aren't you?
Your son -- He hit me with an egg.
No, I didn't! And he yelled at me.
Whoa, whoa. You yelled at my son?
慢着 慢着 你凶我儿子了吗
He took a handful of candy and laughed.
He does it every year.
...how does it feel?
Well, it feels like you took about 17 cents worth of candy.
He said he didn't egg you. Are we done here?
Look, buddy. I don't know who egged you,
好了 哥们 我不知道是谁拿鸡蛋扔了你
but I can understand why.
A kid takes a little extra candy and you chased him home?
How old are you, Batman? 50?
你多大了 蝙蝠侠 50岁吗
What kind of person does that?
I will -- I will tell you what kind of person.
Someone who believes in a civilized society,
who believes that the future of our country
depends on the lessons that we teach our children.
"What kind of person," Sir?
Oh, come on. We heard you laughing!
'Cause the blonde lady with an axe in her head
threw an egg at you.
- Blonde lady? - Axe?
That squirting flower really yanked my chain.
Could not go unanswered.
Well, that was embarrassing.
It was magnificent.
You stood up for me.
Sometimes I just feel like it's me versus the entire world.
It's just nice to know that we really are a...
a dynamic duo.
All right. Now we play candy crash.
Give me some space, son.
That's how we do, sucka!
Is it just my imagination,
or is Dad actually saving your lame party?
Is it just my imagination,
or is Reuben's makeup on your chin?
I have a problem.
This is the most a girl's danced with me all night.
I love your Dalton Trumbo.
Thank you, Dorothy Parker.
女诗人/作家 还是常相聚在阿冈昆酒店的知名文字创作者小团体 "阿岗昆圆桌"创办人之一
You're the first person tonight who's actually gotten that.
I know how that feels.
Awesome rager on the ground floor!
Backyard, too, 'cause it just got re-sodded!
What's up, buddy?
Typical high-school idiot.
I fear for this country.
Well, I think it's safe to say that things here
are appropriately out of control.
Oh, yeah -- Oh, wow.
And I think you might have lost your deposit on that thing.
How come you never tell me I'm beautiful anymore?
Oh, just let me throw already.
Hey, gorgeous. Look what I turned this water into.
Jay, enough. Halloween is over.
杰 够了 万圣节已经结束了
Come on. The night is young. Why don't we go begat it on?
来嘛 还早着呢 何不来过过万"生"节
I'm not going to fool around with someone dressed like Jesus.
Gloria, you're being silly.
I once dated a guy named Jesus.
There was no harvest that year.
Is that the same year your uncle got drunk
and planted marbles?
Who do you think made him do that?
Gloria, all due respect,
I think the big guy has better things to worry about
than two sexy, you know --
I'm gonna change into something a little more secular.