Welcome to the Thanksgiving country jamboree!
We got the whole Dunphy clan,
Claire, Phil, Luke, Alex and --
克莱尔 菲尔 卢克 艾丽克斯和
well, and who is this happy farmhand?
Jerry used to live next door.
He's been going through a brutal divorce for years,
and he was gonna spend Thanksgiving alone.
Phil thought it'd be a good idea
if he spent the day with a happy, functional family.
We couldn't find one, so he's coming with us.
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m 20 0 l 209 0 b b b 11 228 0 218 0 209 l 0 20 b 0 11 11 0 20 0
She's with Rainer.
They've been seeing a lot of each other, which is great.
Funny thing is, he was my friend first,
but now I never see him. Or Haley.
- Phil. - It's what everybody's thinking.
翻译: MsFool 芝小士 亲爱的小饭 glida
I don't want people walking on eggshells
'cause he was my friend first, but now I never see him.
I'm only allowed to see my children once a week.
I hardly know them.
Oh, well, Clark's head of the math club,
and Tina's turned into a bit of a slut.
Thanks for the update.
- Okay, there they are! - Hi!
Don't y'all look as pretty as a peach pie
on a Sunday afternoon?
For the love of God,
this is the last thing I need today.
Hey, Flavor Flav, what's up with the giant watch?
好啊 风味哥[歌手] 怎么戴这么大一块表
It's my doctor being a pain in the butt.
One high reading, I got this thing
taking my blood pressure all day.
Wait, are you okay?
No. He needs to quit cigars and the terrible food.
Last week, I caught him in the garage
eating a Polish sausage.
What a man does behind his water heater
is his own business.
Don't worry about it. I've got it beat.
As soon as this thing goes off,
I start singing sweet '70s soft rock
to mellow myself out.
Those songs could do anything.
Seals and Crofts came on,
lady's bell bottoms came off.
- Well... - Hey, y'all.
Anybody have a hankering for a hush puppy?
* Summer breeze *
* 夏日微风 *
* Makes me feel fine *
* 让我舒爽 *
What is going on here?
* Blowing through the jas- *
* 吹动茉莉花 *
It's a Thanksgiving jamboree!
We have bales of hay. We have a cider press.
Ooh, we're even deep-frying a turkey.
And you're on-board with this?
Yes! Come on, it's good country fun.
For Cam, maybe.
What is happening? Is he hitting you?
You did something, didn't you?
I didn't do anything.
I'm -- I'm loving this, okay?
That takes practice.
No, I am not leaving here until you tell me what you did.
不 除非你说出犯了什么事 否则我不走
Can I get you a mason jar of Chardonnay?
Mr. Student Council President,
have you had a chance to look at my proposal
updating the honor code to address cyber-bullying?
Why would you call me that?
Luke somehow beat me in the election for president,
and I still can't get over it.
Not to be hyperbolic, but humans are a decade away
from fighting apes on horseback.
You're trying to tell me
that there's absolutely nothing weird going on here?
You are dressed like a character
out of "It's Raining Mice and Men".
I don't know what you're talking about, okay?
I am enjoying this more than a farm animal
missing a limb engaged in...
some sort of activity.
Okay, I did something bad.
Yeah, yeah, something real bad.
I need Cam in a good mood before I tell him.
Is it infidelity? If feels like infidelity.
- I can't say. - Hey, Mitchell?
It's your turn to feel the burn on the churn!
Well, then I "butter" get over there.
So, did they just happen to have this costume
lying around in your size?
Weirdly, they did.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. No, Dwight
has one of the most important games of the season next week
and I can't have you getting him sick.
Yeah, I'm over the mono.
But it could still be contagious,
and I have a fun costume idea for you.
How about being an old-timey bank robber?
You gotta cover that face before the marshal gets to town.
Hi! Oh, what happened?
Oh, nothing, just a Korean laser peel.
Hurt like hell, but once the skin regenerates,
it's gonna take ten years off these money makers.
Thanks for dropping her off.
Uh, actually, Rainer's daughter is with her mom,
so I invited him to spend Thanksgiving with us.
I am loving this country theme!
This reminds me of when I worked for Newscenter Twelve
in Tulsa, except no one here's bitter and drunk.
Gosh, I would hate for you to feel weird, though,
since this is just for family.
Isn't that our old neighbor, Jerry,
stuffing appetizers into a ziplock?
You know what, Rainer, you are more than welcome to stay.
Okay, well, I guess the main thing
is all the Dunphys are here.
Hey, Rainer, what's the weather going to be like for tomorrow?
Clear and sunny skies, highs in the mid 70s,
but hang onto that umbrella 'cause Monday...
Yeah, I just needed tomorrow,
because that's when we're having our big family football game.
Remember last year?
We ran that play?
Uh, but tomorrow we're supposed...
To have sunny weather? Yeah, you said that.
Rainer's taking me to Cabo for the weekend.
So, I had a problem.
I wasn't sure if my hairdryer
ran on Mexican electricity.
Oh, and telling my dad.
I had two problems.
Doctor's call it "Hysterical impotence."
There's nothing physically wrong, per se.
But because of my divorce trauma,
I guess I'm rewired down there.
- I get it. - Okay, city slickers,
guess who has a genuine petting zoo in the backyard?
* Summer breeze makes me feel fine *
* 夏日微风 让我舒爽 *
Oh, Cam, and you had the scarecrow made to look like Mitch!
No, no, no, my mom sent that out from Missouri.
I grew up with that.
I even learned how to dance with it.
I guess, now that you mention it, I do have a-a type.
- Hey, what's on this goat's head? - That's my big idea --
a camera to capture everyone's delight!
- Guess what I call it. - Goat-Pro?
That's also a...good name, yep.
Look, Joe. This is a goat.
看啊 乔 这是一只山羊
No, no, no, there's nothing to be scared of.
That's the way he says, "I love you."
Of all the animals, this one is the one
that sounds the most like an informer being tortured.
I cannot have another son that is afraid of animals.
When Manny was 5, he went to a petting zoo
with a backpack full of truffle popcorn.
By the time they pulled the pigs off him,
he was only wearing one sock.
Animals don't attack people for no reason.
Let go of me! Oh, let go of me!
Run, Jerry! They do terrible things!
快逃 杰瑞 他们可会欺负人了
The box of hair products we pre-shipped has arrived
and is waiting for us at the resort.
I don't care about our hair anymore.
Hey! That's crazy talk.
I still haven't gotten up the guts to tell my parents.
My mom will be cool, but my dad is gonna freak out.
Well, I'll tell him.
Your dad and I are buds.
And I am excellent at delivering bad news with a smile.
And that means the Coast Guard
will be spending the holidays with their families,
because the search has been called off.
I know we haven't been spending enough time together lately,
but I scored this amazing villa in Cabo for the weekend,
and I wanted to take a special someone.
I know you have your big family football game,
but it's right on the water. Horseback riding on the beach.
I see us both in white shirts.
- Phil. - Claire, I know.
-菲尔 -克莱尔 我知道
It sounds like the best weekend of my life, mi amigo,
but I can't. It's family time.
- He wants to take Haley. - Yeah.
Did you think I was asking you?
What... brother can't yank a brother's chain?
I'll send you some pictures.
- Okay. - But not from the nude beach. Ooh!
Oh, that's funny 'cause it's my naked daughter!
And you're taking her away!
See? They like it when you pet them.
And when you look into their eyes,
you can see that they're very smart.
They have a very deep soul.
Name? It's a goat. Just touch it.
I know it's a bummer, Haley going to Cabo.
I wouldn't salt those margarita glasses just yet.
Once I remind her how much fun Thanksgiving weekend is here,
she's not going anywhere.
Well, I hope it goes better than
your big presentation on why the Ice Capades
were cooler than Coachella.
I heard you had some tentative travel plans.
Actually, we just checked in for our flight online.
Thanks for being so cool about this.
We take this stuff for granted stateside, don't we?
It's a five-star resort.
I'm sure we'll be fine.
Smell those side dishes.
They're gonna be even better tomorrow
at the post-game picnic.
You know what's not a picnic?
Putting on your bedroom slipper
and getting an ankle full of scorpion.
Thanks, Dad. I'll take my chances.
谢了 老爸 我愿意冒这个险
That's what you said about Coachella,
and you missed Kristi Yamaguchi doing a triple twist lift
with Jiminy Cricket.
- What? - You are not allowed to eat those with your blood pressure.
Don't worry. These chips won't show up
for a couple of weeks, and by then I'll have switched doctors.
Sorry, Gloria's orders.
Hey, Jay, looks like you could use a little square dance.
That would be about the last...
* Ho, grab your partner, swing 'em 'round *
* 拉住你的舞伴 转个圈 *
* Put on your best suit and go to town *
* 换上最好的衣裳 进城逛 *
Cam, why are you...
* Eat some corn and ride a horse *
* 吃点玉米 把马骑 *
* Are we having fun? Why, yes, of course *
* 问俺们爽不 当然爽 *
That's it! I'm out of here!
I need some aspirin. I'm going to a pharmacy.
I'm coming too. No reason.
Apparently, you don't need a reason to leave your family.
I'll go too. I'm out of ramen and Xanax.
This is what we in the weather game
refer to as a "High-pressure system."
This reminds me of the time
I walked in on you watching "Top Gun".
You need to stop telling that story.
Whatever you did to Cam,
it can't have been that bad.
And it is not worth this.
Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm worrying too much.
I gave Cam's Fizbo costume away.
Oh, my God, he's gonna kill everyone in the house.
The truck was here, and there were so many boxes,
and you know how excited I get about a deduction.
He's not going to believe that this was an accident.
You can never, ever tell him.
He's gonna know it's missing.
I mean, he pulls it out for everything.
Birthday parties, brunches, hot yoga...
生日派对 早午餐 高温瑜珈
I-I need to wait for the right moment.
There's not gonna be a right moment.
Hey, ain't nothing in the world that can get me down
when I'm holding a little piglet.
It's time. Sweetie?
- Don't do it. - Don't do what?
I need you to sit down for this.
Think of the children.
I gave Fizbo away.
- What? - I know how much that costume meant to you,
and I am so, so sorry.
Well, it's a lot to process.
I know. Accidents do happen.
And I am holding a little piglet.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a turkey to deep fry.
Here. Hold Connor.
I married the sweetest,
most understanding man on the planet.
Or he did something even worse to you
and wants to get you in a good mood.
You don't have to cover your face.
I don't care what Coach Cam says about mono.
You're way too pretty.
I mean, listen, I'm flattered,
but even though you are so, so tall
you are in high school and I'm...
I was going to say, "in college," but thanks.
Stop it, oh, my God!
Ugh! Dad is killing me.
He's trying to guilt trip me out of going to Cabo.
When is he gonna let me live my own life?
Maybe when you stop living out of his basement
and eating all of his food.
You're right. I am a victim.
I should get this tiny mouthwash for Haley.
It's the abandon-your-family travel size.
I know -- Corn Nuts, two-for-one sale.
我知道 炸玉米粒 这时候在买一送一
I feel like God's giving me the middle finger.
No. That's my wife's divorce lawyer.
I can't believe it.
That bastard was my ex's lawyer.
Are you kidding me?
I bet he's here to buy some extra-small condoms,
the kind that they keep behind the counter.
I keep having this dream that he's dying of thirst
in the desert, and I hit him with my car.
-I thought you were over it. -I thought I was.
Let's get out of here before my cuff explodes.
Yeah, he already ruined my family.
I don't want him to ruin my Thanksgiving too.
We're not going anywhere.
It's time someone stood up
to the weasels who sweep into our lives,
break up our families,
and take our loved ones to Cabo.
I feel like you're making this about you, but you're right.
Do you know when my high blood pressure started?
When I met that guy.
Is this when someone's supposed to say, "Get him!"
- No. - You hold him down.
I'm gonna beat him with this orthopedic shoe.
- Come here! - Let's not lock into our -- our first idea.
I love you, Mr. Goat!
You listen to Mommy, and now you have a new best friend.
You're cold? I'll go get you a blanket!
Well, if he was going to get the pig a blanket,
you know what that would be called.
Okay, I teed that one up for you.
All right, it's time to fry this turkey.
Somebody please lower my splatter goggles, boys?
You're not the president of goggle lowering.
I would be if they took a vote.
What could Cam have done?
Maybe he's the one who's having an affair.
I saw a list of clues in a magazine.
Has he joined a gym or bought sexy new underwear recently?
I think it's sweet that you think
we're capable of having an affair, but we're just so tired.
All right now, boys,
the key is you drop it nice and gentle like.
Aw, you wanted to run to the barn!
Let me put a positive spin on this.
Who here likes goat?
Hello, you son of a bitch.
Hope you like that deodorant, 'cause you stink!
well, if that works, there'll be nothing left.
Well, well, well. Norbert and Pritchett.
Jay, I don't think I ever got a chance
to thank you for buying me my first Ferrari.
I wish you drove it off a cliff.
Like the one my house is on,
which you also paid for, thank you?
This doesn't sound like we're getting him.
Look, you want some free legal advice, fellas?
Three words -- Ladies. Leave. Losers.
送你们三个词 娘们 滚吧 废柴
No, sir, we have three words for you.
不 先生 我们有三个字送你
Have you no sh-- have you --
你 有没 羞...
have no -- have you no shame -- it can be four words.
没有... 没羞没躁 四个字
Who's this chuckle-head?
Someone who you're never gonna know,
'cause I'm happily married most of the time.
Aw, that's what they all say.
Then one day your wife wakes up and says, "Oh, my God!
I married a moron!"
She calls me, and I'm like,
"Hello, Mrs. Chuckle--"
Yeah, that's about right.
He might have had a heart attack.
We probably ought to do something.
Oh, I saw some champagne back there.
It's the guy on the ground!
Oh! Take the defibrillator, I'll call 911.
Guys, help me out. I don't know what I'm doing.
I watch a lot of "Grey's Anatomy,"
but I fast-forward through the non-romantic scenes.
No no no, we're not gonna save him!
Jerry, no, Jerry.
杰瑞 别这样 杰瑞
Jay, get him off me!
Look at his basket. Wasn't much of a life.
Ah, hell, I'm gonna regret this.
I'm feeling better, Pritchett. I think it was just gas.
我感觉好点了 普里契特 应该只是胀气
Better safe than sorry.
Oh, I deserve some of the blame.
I made my farmscape too inviting.
Okay. This is a mess.
What are we gonna do now?
Alex, how many goats have to die
until you get a handle on your insatiable appetite
for high-school boys?
Actually, I-it's my fault.
Ooh, Dwight. We're good-looking guys.
We don't apologize for it.
I got you a blanket, Mr. Goat.
We're going to wait for Santa Claus by the chimney!
But it's Thanksgiving.
What about Mr. Goat?
How come I don't hear him anymore?
Ay, Mr. Goat is fine!
What is it, Mr. Goat?
He's saying that he needs some time alone.
Look, there's some cookies for Santa.
Here, why don't you go and sit by the chimney and wait.
Hey lookit, it's not my place to try to parent your kids.
- Good. - But one thing we learn on the farm
is that death is a part of life.
If you tell Joe what happened to that goat,
death is gonna be part of your life.
You know what, kids can handle a lot more than you think.
And every step, from birth till the end,
has its own magical beauty.
So, do we jam the goat in the garbage
or heave it over the fence?
Teach your children well.
Hey. Thanks for before.
You know, pushing me out of the way of the goat.
Don't worry about it.
It's more about protecting the office.
Look, I think we both know you should have been president.
Maybe I've been hard on you 'cause I'm jealous.
You two keep making out while I carry the dead goat.
Any suspicious activity on that phone bill?
Well, Cam spent $100 on the psychic hotline...
...but that's normal during the run-up to award's season.
I just saw we were running out of pumpkin dip,
and I know it's your favorite, so I brought you some.
What's your game?
- Yeah, show us your underwear. - What?
-没错 亮出你内衣里的乾坤 -什么
Why are we so understanding about Fizbo, huh?
What are you hiding?
I want to celebrate with my husband,
my daughter, my lovely family, Jerry.
我的女儿 我可爱的家人 杰瑞一起庆祝
I think it's sad that you two look at life
as some sort of game where everyone's trying
to get away with something.
Some people are just nice.
Truth is, I paid for the jamboree
with money we had saved for a romantic Hawaiian vacation.
I even sprung for fancy straw bales flown in from Missouri.
The hell happened here?
I think I felt enough for one day.
It's possible I've been electrocuted one too many times.
You know, I learned something today.
I saw a man nearly die right in front of me.
And this is a constant reminder
that it can happen to me at any moment.
It's a lot to think about.
So I'm not gonna.
Phil, get me a beer.
Jerry, get me a scotch.
I learned something today, too.
It's a lot right now, Jerry.
What's the matter, kid?
Please don't smoke.
Hey, don't you worry about a thing, Joey.
I'm not going anywhere.
Dad, I don't care what you say. I'm going to Cabo.
爸 不管你说什么 卡波我去定了
Sure, I'm gonna get kidnapped by Aztecs
and sacrificed in a volcano. I get it.
No, honey, I want you to go.
不 宝贝 我想要你去
I-I'm sorry about earlier.
I was mad. And instead of talking about it,
I pushed it down and it came out in some ugly ways
with my beautiful daughter and a lawyer who has warts.
Anyway, it's just more and more of your life
is happening away from me, and it's normal and good,
越来越与我无关 这很正常 也是好事
Damn it, why do you have to be so sweet?
Now I feel guilty.
Don't. Go to Cabo. Have fun.
You know, I could play football today.
Run that Haley Mary?
That would be so wonderful...
- Electrocuted again? - Real bad.
Okay, break! Let's go!
All right, everybody.
Welcome to the 15th annual Thanksgiving football game,
being played a day early.
I'd be remiss if I didn't mention
how beautiful it is that we're all together.
Is it just me, or can you feel the love...
- Can we please do this? - All right.
- Phil, we're good, right? - Oh, we're great.
-菲尔 我们还好吧 -很好
You should really take Claire to this resort.
Heart-shaped jacuzzi in every room.
Kansas City, Kansas City...
Actually, now I'm great.
Oh, my God, Dad. Seriously?
天哪 老爸 要这样吗
Ah, what a beautiful day.
I'm counting down the days till we're in Hawaii.
Sweetie, I don't know if you can count that high.
You remember how cool I was with the whole Fizbo thing?
Cam, you spent the Hawaii money on this party, didn't you?
What is wrong with us?
From now on, can we just be honest with each other, all right?
从现在起 我们要互相坦诚 好吗
- No more games. - Deal.
Hey, daddies. You look tired.
I made you some grilled cheese sandwiches.
- Well, there's something we did right. - Yeah.
I needed them in a good mood.
I kept this from the petting zoo.