I'm taking photos of your feet for perverts.
- Ew! - Hear me out.
Remember when you couldn't return those sneakers you bought
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and asked me to sell them online?
Right after I listed them...
...I got a message asking
if they'd been worn and sweat in.
Before I could lie and say no...
...I got another message.
"Can I see your feet?"
Apparently, there are a ton of these feet freaks on the Internet.
Oh, my God, did you write this?
"My little piggies got so sweaty."
- Sexy, right? - No.
No, it's gross!
That pair of sneakers went for over $200.
I have more in my closet.
That was three weeks ago,
and we have made a ton of money since.
All I have to do is wear a different shoe every day.
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Hitting all of the right notes...
pour L'Expo Internationale du Closet sont...
Kabinett Konig, Berlin.
Pritchett's Closets --
You guys are so gross!
For the first time in company history,
the Expo Internationale du Closet!
Son of a bitch, we did it!
Manny, I appreciate
you coming from college for this moment.
Something like this only happens
once in a wee-- year -- lifetime?
I'm accustomed to certain creature comforts
that are hard to come by at school,
so I've been stopping home to...borrow things.
You know, I may have to go shopping.
I'm kind of between tuxedos, size-wise, right now.
- Oh, so this is a... big deal? - It is.
But, uh, don't feel you have to live up to this.
because that kind of pressure can kill a kid.
That's probably Claire calling me.
These will be rolling in all day, you know.
Who still uses fax machines?
You know what? People are gonna want to see me at the office.
I'll just play nine holes and head in early, huh?
- See you, kid! - See you.
-再见 孩子 -再见
My new real-estate company
is this close to its first sale.
A sale we really need!
Not just to prove my old partners wrong,
but also to pay the bills.
my client has developed a case of cold feet.
Phil, this house is everything I have wanted.
Great! Should we write up an offer?
But, I am feeling a hostile energy.
I can assure you --
this house is filled with nothing but happy memories.
- If these walls could talk... - They can.
Personally, I don't believe in
any of that evil-spirit mumbo jumbo.
As a magician, I've learned that every spooky happening
has a perfectly reasonable explanation.
Even the eeriest of illusions, Satan's Elevator,
is really just two mirrors and a tiny...
When Phil told me about this house,
I offered to help.
Now that Manny's away at college
and Joe goes to kindergarten,
I have time for one of my old hobbies --
confronting the devil in all his forms.
I have everything I need --
sage, a spoon from the Vatican cafeteria,
Mrs. Graham, looking well!
How are those peptides doing?
Ooh, terrific! My shaman realigned them.
And I got the last everything bagel,
so I guess we both got off to a great start today.
What say, we buy a house?
Oh, this is Gloria.
She'll be addressing your concerns.
I instantly trust you.
We were once cats together.
I joke! I'm not that crazy.
Now, tell me about the ghost.
Well, in these suburban cases,
it's usually a low-level haunting,
like a dead unpaid gardener,
a dead jealous boyfriend,
a dead dog who left something unfetched.
Oh, she's just taken with the natural light
and the flow at this price.
It -- it still gets me every time.
You did it, you bastard!
you want to see in the world --
I got here as soon as I could!
In some ways, the words of Gandhi
are truer today than ever before.
The world is taking notice of the Aurora walk-in,
which is blurring the line between storage and sanctuary.
I want to take a moment to celebrate our rock,
someone to whom we owe a very special debt...
Rock? Foundation? Josie?
基石 基础 乔茜
And to thank you all for your amazing accomplishments,
I have got an ice-cream cart coming in this afternoon!
I.T. Guy, I need your help.
- Cigar ash in your keyboard again? - Something bigger.
But, yeah, bring that little vacuum.
My sister Pam came to stay with us for a couple weeks.
In the unit upstairs --
which we used to rent for money,
to pay for everybody in the unit downstairs.
The father, Bo, was in jail,
但孩他爸 博 进监狱了
and she happens to be my best friend.
Yeah, yeah, like Tom and Jerry are best friends.
Pam, did you remember the oranges?
Say "oranges" one more time.
- Say it one more time! - Oranges! Oranges!
-再说一次试试 -橙子 橙子
And then she left the door open,
and poor Larry got out and got in a fight with a possum.
Now we have to give him antibiotics every day at noon,
On the positive side,
we've both been coming home at lunch
because it's a two-man job,
as it what we've also been enjoying
on our little lunch break...
You look really cute in that suit.
You look really cute in those gym shorts.
Only eight more days of cat antibiotics.
Say "nntibiotics" one more time.
Okay, sweetie, but Pam's Mommy and Me class
好的 亲爱的 但帕姆的亲子课
is only an hour, so, you know, hurry.
Oh, a surprise, huh?
Okay. Okay, well I can't wait.
Oh, my God, are you the surprise?
I was thinking candles, or flowers on the bed --
My name is Bo Johnson,
and I am here to meet my baby boy
and win back the love of my life,
Oh, my -- You're-you're B- you are Bo.
天哪 你就是 你就是博
Um, okay, well, Pam is not here.
I'm Mitchell, Cameron's husband.
He's talked so much about you.
Oh, well, he did have a little thing for me
- back in high school. ?- Yeah.
I guess he's got a type.
Stop it! Stop it.
- I am nothing like -- - Well, if you don't mind, actually,
I'd like to come in?
I got to see man about a horse.
But we don't have --
That's a classy way of saying
I got to make my bladder gladder.
Bathroom! Uh, yes...
Uh, end of the hall on -- on the right. Yep.
Oh, and the Teen Vogues are our daughter's!
We don't even know who Demi Lovato is!
Okay, how did Larry get out again?
God, it must've been your sister.
So, guess who is in the bathroom.
Oh, well, my surprise was just candles,
but I'm not saying no.
Well, technically, he's-he's more Pam's Bo,
and I am your Mitchell.
But yes. Yeah, he's here to take Pam and the baby home!
I mean, how great is that?
Get the hell out of my house.
- Yeah, come on, Cam. - No.
-是啊 别这样 小卡 -不
You are not getting anywhere near my sister.
Uh, won't he just wait for Pam outside?
- I mean -- - Okay, you know... Come back in!
-因为 -好吧 给我回来
Great. There goes Larry again.
You know, I'm starting to think he's unhappy living here.
Our brand is a little more upscale.
Another buyer is tired of seeing the same feet.
Oh, it's my fault now?
What's he doing to keep things interesting?
I'm surprised you were open to this.
I'm surprised you know how to do this.
we have to get over to mom's work to ship shoes later.
Wait a second, you're using Mom's FedEx?
Every time she and Dad have a fancy night out,
she uses the hashtag "Luke's college fund."
So, yeah, I'm using her account.
Is there something you're not telling me about this house?
I am kind of getting a murdery vibe.
The only killing that's ever gonna happen in this house
is the one that's gonna happen when you sell the place.
Laughter makes the spirits hungry, Phil!
You means there's more than one?
Uh, super stoked you're here.
If-if I could give you one tiny note?
Mrs. Graham's terror level,
which should be going down,
- is actually going up. - Mine too.
Actually, I'm panicking right now!
You can't believe what I'm sensing right now!
There is like, a humming sound, vibrations, fear!
这里有嗡嗡声 震动 恐惧
I'm pretty sure that's all coming off of me,
because I'm about to lose a sale I really need.
How about this? Just-just spin it a little.
What are you asking me to do?
In real estate, there are no dumps.
There are fixer-uppers.
A small house is cozy.
How do we know this presence is bad?
What about Casper? Or the Holy Ghost?
People love those guys --
It's bad, isn't it?
No, it's-it's actually really good.
Gloria was just saying she's making real progress.
- Right, Gloria? - I'm sorry,
-对吧 歌洛莉亚 -抱歉
but there is a disturbing presence in this house
that I don't think that I can drive out.
Well, that is it for me.
Phil, please let me know
if you find something less haunted,
still within walking distance to my psychic.
We'll be right back.
Bo, you want some iced tea?
That'd be great. Thank you.
No, you are not giving him iced tea.
This is not a garden party.
But he did come all this way to make things right.
And you know what, Cam?
Prison changes people.
- Oh, does it? - Always in a good
and permanent way.
I mean, look at him...
No. Do not look at him.
He draws you in with those big beautiful blue eyes,
and the next thing you know, you're giving him
your great-grandfather's Civil War bayonet
and he's selling it for Magic Beans.
It's the brand of whiskey he drinks.
I just -- I think he deserves a second chance.
Why do you suddenly care so much
if Pam and Bo are back together?
I'm a divorce lawyer, Cam.
I see families torn apart all the time.
The emotional cost is just too high.
The cost of everything is too high!
Look, Pam made her bed.
Now she needs to get out of it
so I can flip the mattress to make some money off of it.
Sounded more pimpy than I intended.
Maybe Pam doesn't want to live upstairs anymore.
Maybe she wants to go with him to Missouri.
Or maybe you don't want Pam to live upstairs
and you want her to go home to Missouri.
I couldn't help but overhear,
since we're practically in the same room
and you ain't exactly whispering...
Can I say something on my behalf?
Because if you cared about my sister,
you would've been here the moment baby Calhoun was born!
I know, but when I got out of jail
for punching that police horse,
I discovered my truck had been towed.
I had to sell my plasma for cash.
He thinks of others. Very noble.
All I'm hearing is no car, no money,
compromised immune system.
What a great role model.
And yes, he could be a model,
but I will not be distracted by those beautiful big blue eyes.
Cam, I get it, all right?
I made a lot of mistakes.
But like my plasma,
I decided to "B-positive."
I hitchhiked, I took odd jobs,
whatever I could do to get here.
I mean, Pam, our boy Calhoun,
they're my family.
Hell, you're my family.
Okay, I want to believe you, Bo,
but, yeah, I just --
yeah, I've been burned too many times.
About that... I got something to show you.
Old Stonewall Tucker
would've wanted you to have this back.
I'm guessing his statue's no longer in the park.
- I thought you sold this. - Welp, that was the old Bo.
The new Bo saved up and bought it back for you.
- See? - Believe me,
I'm trying to do the right thing.
What the hell is he doing here?!
Bo came back for you and baby Calhoun!
Yeah, just-just give him a chance, okay?
Is-is that my boy?
No. This is my car and I have a little tiny driver.
不 这是我的车 我有个迷你小司机
You stay away from us,
- Beauregard Lavern Johnson! - Come on --
And stop undressing me with your devil blue eyes!
Okay, You know what? I'll-I'll go --
I'll go talk to her.
Hey, thank you for pleading my case back there with Cam.
I can tell, you're good lawyer.
And I can tell you are a good man.
I am team Bo all the way.
'Cause I-I might need some legal counsel.
See, I-I didn't buy that bayonet back,
so much as I stole it.
Excuse me, everyone!
As founder of this company,
which I built with my own sweat and tears,
I'd like to say a few words.
Before going into the future,
it's important we honor how we got here.
So I put together a little presentation.
Dad, we're having ice cream.
They can lick and watch.
An iron curtain was descending over Europe.
But in Youngstown, Ohio, a child is born.
While young Jay Pritchett was superstar athlete,
he was also an artist
who dreamed of revolutionizing an industry --
He just couldn't let me have my day.
He had to make it all about him.
It was disgusting.
the scene of him playing his father
denying him a startup loan?
While America was doing the Hustle,
Jay as hustling to build an empire,
which is why one newspaper called him
"The hardest working man in closets."
That was an ad.
Who would've thought the company,
built by that little boy,
would one day be the toast
of the international closet world?
Congratulations. We did it.
Margaret's mixing some drinks.
Enjoy the afternoon.
-Nice! -Thank you.
Okay, Mrs. Graham's car is on its way!
You have five minutes to convince her
that this house is fine!
Something's in this wall, Phil.
No, I am done with this nonsense!
I can't believe I'm hearing this
from a person that believes in magic!
I'm not the one who told you this,
but magic isn't actually magic.
That didn't come from your ear.
You're with them.
There is no "them," Gloria.
Everybody says "What? How?" to that trick.
That's how magic works.
Things that seem supernatural
actually have a perfectly logical explanation.
This wall is warm, Phil.
It's radiating evil.
It is not radiating evil --
- Faulty wiring, Phil?! - How dare you.
-电路不行吗 菲尔 -你好大胆子
I would never sell a house with faulty wiring!
You can hear that, right?
You made them angry.
I don't believe in any of this!
But just in case...
- What is this? Holy water? - ?No.
-这是什么 圣水吗 -不是
You think this skin just happens?
The sellers are on their way home.
Let's just put everything back the way we found it
and maybe swing by a church.
Oh! Go! Go, go, go, go, go, go!
Good news, Mrs. Graham, it's only bees!
好消息 格拉哈姆太太 原来只是蜜蜂
I'll follow up with the escrow documents!
So, that was a fun movie, Dad.
Kind of made it all about you, though.
Nonsense. Try a Jay-tini.
Congratulations on the Expo, boss.
- Thanks. - Thanks.
I think that what's her name was talking to me.
Oh, Margaret, what are my kids doing here?
Oh, the kids have been using the company shipping.
They've been coming in for weeks.
What do you two think you're doing?
We just came to congratulate you
on that thing that happened.
- Try again. - Fine.
But there's no nice way to say this.
I started a company
selling Alex's disgusting, smelly shoes
Wow, that is so gross!
You got to get your hands dirty
to build a company from the ground up.
I'm proud of you, Luke.
It was my idea to start buying thrift-store shoes.
I expanded the business and doubled our profits.
You see what Alex did?
She grew the business.
She took it to the next level.
She was able to achieve what Luke couldn't
despite years of trying.
It's really only been a few --
You can't grow what doesn't exist!
Okay. Well, they're on their thing now.
Do you know how long I've been with this company?
And four popes. Yes, Dad, I saw the movie.
还有4任教皇 是的 我看了你那电影
Couldn't you just let me have today?
- Why didn't you call me? - What are you talking about?
This morning. When you got the big news.
I mean, am I not a part of this anymore?
Is that what's going on here?
because I was waiting for you to call me and say,
"Congratulations, you did it, honey."
"恭喜啊 你成功了 乖女儿"
Instead, I had to come here
and watch "Lawrence of A-Jay-bia."
- How else would anybody know I even existed? - What?
I spent my entire career trying to get in the Expo,
and you come in and get it done in 2 years.
Come on, it goes without saying
that this company would be nothing without you.
- Let me hear you say it. - Seriously?
Yes. I want to hear it.
Dad, if it weren't for you,
we wouldn't be where we are today.
All of your hard work
laid the foundation for our success.
Well, if I say it, it'll sound a little conceited.
No, not about you! About me!
an unbelievable accomplishment.
You've exceeded all my expectations,
which were ridiculously high to begin with.
The company could not be in better hands.
Okay, let's just agree
that your heart was in the right place
giving Cam back his bayonet.
But knowing what a decent person you are,
I'm sure you're planning on --
How long you expect me to wait out there in the car?
Oh, God, please tell me this is your cab driver.
It's like feather, but with an "H".
I'm familiar with the name.
Uh, I'll be right out, sweetie.
I'm just finishing up with my client.
Okay, Mr. Pringle, you can expect delivery
好的 品克先生 您就等着
of one male and one female chinchilla
Phew. Good. She's gone.
Can you believe I just thought of that on the spot?
I'm not going down there, Cam.
I don't trust myself around him.
I see that face, I hear that voice,
You're preaching to the gay man's choir, here.
But you have to decide for yourself,
and you need to keep a clear head.
You know what? All right.
So, here's a trick that I used
when I was coming of age.
So, I had a little bit of a self-control problem,
and I would put a rubber band around my wrist
and flick it every time I got the urge
You used to snap one of those like crazy
whenever we watched "Dukes of Hazzard."
Yeah. I got through all seven seasons --
But I'll tell you right now,
I ain't gonna make it easy for you.
You sure look pretty, Pam'n'cheese.
Yeah. Yeah, we did.
I know I don't deserve you,
but if you and Cal will have me,
I promise to spend every day of my life
proving that I am worthy.
Look at this beautiful ring!
It's just so perfect --
Oh, that's the name of the jeweler I bought it from.
Heather's Rings and... things.
Okay! Nope! Mnh-mnh! Nope!
够了 不行 不可以
No, even I can't spin this anymore.
All right. Bo is a disaster, okay?
He -- he hasn't changed one bit.
He is a liar, he is a thief,
he is a day drinker, he --
He stole that ring from Heather,
who's waiting outside for him in case you say no.
Hey! You can't say any of that!
That's attorney-client privilege!
He's also an idiot.
Look, okay, I am not letting you and Cal
go anywhere near him, all right?
I cannot believe I got drawn in
by those big beautiful blue eyes again.
Get out of my house.
Well, it's not really up to you, now is it?
What you think, Pamburger?
I'm glad I left the air conditioning on for Heather.
...for taking care of me like that.
You have a home here
- as long as you need it, okay? - Aww, Mitchell,
you really are looking out for my sister.
And you know what, Pam?
As long as you're gonna be staying here for a little while,
you got to mind the door a little better.
Larry keeps getting out.
- Say "Larry" one more time. - Okay.
Your mother called you about the screening of my film.
some lame excuse about being attacked by bees.
Oh what the hell, let's start.
What are you doing over there?
What are you doing up there?
Is that you with Lady Bird Johnson?
Sure is. I was Closet Magazine's
"Movers and Groovers to Watch."
She did the keynote,
complimented my mustache...
What's with all that news footage?
Well, historical context is important.
people wanted transparency,
hence the glass closet.
Now, let me explain why my shirt is off in the next shot.