Phil, thank you so much for helping,
especially after Jay was so rude to you last night.
I wanted to start a new family tradition.
In a way, I succeeded --
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we now have Phil Un-appreciation Day.
Hear ye, hear ye!
I hereby declare the opening
of the first annual Dunphy Games.
Tests of strength, games of chance --
with the champion receiving the coveted Dunphy chalice
and this gift card to Yogurtland.
Phil, it's not going to happen.
Your dissent has been noted, town elder,
but perhaps those who've seen fewer winters
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Who dares accept the challenge of a noodle-joust?
Oh, well. Nice try, Son.
好吧 你尽力了 儿子
I'll probably just drive back to Florida, then.
Great to see you guys.
I just thought with everyone growing up,
a new tradition might give us another excuse
to get together every year.
Oh, baby, we can get together today
for Joe's soccer-team party.
We have superheroes coming.
We have the Superman, the X-Men.
That's what Jay called my dad and me. Ex-men.
- Why, what happened? - ?Oh, it's nothing.
-怎么了 怎么回事 -没事
It's probably just my stilter's hip flaring up.
Oh, you don't look that good.
Do you have a fever?
I don't know. I can't tell.
Ay, no, you're burning up!
Hi, I ordered your Ultra-Soft Gel-Heel Socks,
and they are both marked "L."
And "L" is for --
"L" is for large. Hilarious.
I'm thinking I've been wearing two left socks.
Can you hang on a second?
- Hello? - Claire, everything is okay,
-你好 -克莱尔 一切都好
but I am taking Phil to the hospital.
I was just resting my eyes!
- Oh, God! What happened?! - It's okay, honey.
-天啊 怎么了 -没事的 亲爱的
I just have a little bit of stomach pain.
Hang in there, sweetie. I'll -- I'm -- I'm -- I'm coming.
坚持住 亲爱的 我我我 我这就过去
I'll be -- I'll be -- I'll be there.
我 我马上 我马上过去
Calling me while I'm putting?
It's bush-league moves like that why your wife left you,
why we still play poker and never invite you, why we --
Jay, pick up Joe and meet me at the hospital!
杰 去接乔 然后到医院找我
What happened? Is it Stella?!
Wait a minute, I'm -- I'm getting another call.
- Dad-- ?- I heard.
Okay, Haley and Luke are working at the club.
Can you grab them and meet me at the hospital?
Sure thing. Sorry, guys.
当然 抱歉 各位
Emergency, I gotta take the cart.
- What?! - ?The clubhouse is 50 yards away.
Walk the first 25, make camp,
and then tackle the rest in the morning.
Forget about Joe, I'll have Mitch and Cam bring him.
Phil, how's the pain? On a scale of one to --
菲尔 多疼啊 打分1到...
Boy, they did not get that score wrong, huh?
Okay, it's good, but is it wow?
好吧 是很好 但好到让人惊艳吗
We're inviting eight people over for brunch
with an invitation that reads, "Friends, Romans, Hungreymen" --
邀请信上写了"朋友 罗马人 饥饿的人"
they're gonna say wow.
I am taking Phil to the hospital!
What? They're taking Phil to the hospital.
It's just a stomach issue.
Please pick up Joe at soccer and meet us over there.
Of course. Oh, but what about Lily?
What is that? A harp?
The angels are coming down.
You cannot have him yet!
Haley, would you mind picking up Lily from City Kidz gym?
Alex said she's on a date, but she can grab Lily.
Oh, crap. We don't have time for this valet stuff.
Luke, this thing's not fast enough.
Grab a nine-iron, try to hook a bumper.
Hey, Uncle Mitchell, I'm kinda busy right now.
He is? I'm on my way.
Sorry, boys, gotta cut it short today.
抱歉 孩子们 今天不能多待了
Hurry, hurry! Take him!
If Phil dies, would Claire get a new husband?
Okay, he's not gonna die, bud.
But to answer your question, yes, probably.
但回答你的问题 是的 应该会
You have to move on with life.
Comin' in hot! Comin' in hot!
You're just gonna park that right there?
I did the closets for head of surgery here.
Phil, honey, how are you?
菲尔 亲爱的 你还好吗
Oh, back in the hospital. ?Oh.
But better because of Elsie and her friend IV.
If it's okay, I invited IV to come live with us.
Well, I brought you something
that's gonna make you feel so much better.
Our first year dating, we went to a carnival.
At the milk-can toss,
there was a bear that Claire really liked.
I spent all night trying to win it, but I just couldn't.
Came back the next night and the carnival had left town.
So, I drove to Fresno, failed again.
Sacramento, no dice.
Six weeks later, in Carson City, Nevada, it happened.
六周后 在内华达卡森城 总算赢下来了
When I handed it to her and saw the smile on her face,
I proposed to her on the spot.
Anyhoo, it's come with me
to every visit in the hospital since for good luck.
And I was so worried about forgetting it
that guess what I did?
Well, I brought you your nice, comfy neck pillow,
and I'm gonna run right home and get you Surgery Bear, okay?
- Dad! ?- Hi. Oh, honey.
-老爸 -对了 亲爱的
- Yeah? ?- Just in case,
I made one of my goodbye videos for you and the kids.
I posted it in the usual spot.
- Okay. ?- Goodbye videos?
It's nothing, don't worry about it.
I'll be right back. I'll be right back.
- Hey, Phil. ?- Hi.
-好啊 菲尔 -嗨
Did you tell them about the long pants?
Oh, yeah, they had to cut me out of them
when th-- when they got tangled up
in the spokes of the wheelchair!
Well, they gave him the good stuff.
Well, glad you got to wish him well.
We have to get this guy prepped for his gallbladder surgery.
That means they're gonna shave me.
Should we be worried that those could be his last words?
I got this. Phil, we love you.
我来处理 菲尔 我们爱你
They're gonna shave me.
So you're sure Phil's gonna be okay?
Absolutely, Pappy. Phil is not gonna die in a long, long time.
肯定没事 宝贝 离菲尔去世还早着呢
Well, Joe, it's a natural thing that we --
This is not a topic you tend to handle gently.
It's not your fault,
but many people in your orbit met with ugly ends.
Fine. I have to pick up the party cake.
It's shaped like a soccer ball.
You sure that won't scare them?
'Cause the only thing I've seen them do
with a soccer ball is run from it.
Look, kid, that's a deep question,
听着 孩子 这是个深奥的问题
"Will I die some day?"
And I'm gonna be straight with you about it -- no.
A few years back, people would live to be around 12.
Nowadays, what with all the science they're doing,
You play your cards right, and someday you'll be 200,
and if you learn anything from your old man,
you'll have a gorgeous 100-year-old bride on your arm.
Uh, there will be some squawking from women in their 180s,
but, uh, you're a successful man
and you've earned your happiness.
What is a gallbladder?
Yeah, and what's up with these organs you don't even need?
You can lose a gallbladder, an appendix,
and everything's fine.
Yeah, kind of like husbands.
You lose one, you just get another.
That is what you said earlier.
Oh, how did I know that was gonna boomerang back on me?
I didn't bring it up to attack you.
I just wondered...
have you ever thought about who you'd end up with
if, you know, my show closes early?
I would give my right gallbladder
not to answer this question.
Come on, it'll be a fun game.
Don't you want to know who I'm thinking about?
Okay, well, then, let's just say a name on three.
- Cam. - No, come on.
I think you'll be surprised by my choice.
- Caleb. - You're my everything.
- Y-You -- You tricked me. - Okay, who's Caleb?
You -- You met him. At -- At Jotham's party.
The -- The massage therapist.
Well, I guess he rubbed you the right way.
I only said a name because you pressured me to.
I've had like two conversations with him.
Look, I-I only picked him because he reminds me of you.
So sweet and open and such a good balance for me.
贴心 坦率 跟我很互补
I-I thought he might be, too.
Well, then, that's lovely.
Oh, thank God. I cut the right wire.
Okay, what is a gallbladder?
"A 4-inch pear-shaped organ that stores bile."
Like -- Like a little bile cabinet.
That's why people want us around.
Thanks for coming on such short notice.
You can set your table up, uh, down in the TV area.
Sounds good. ?You got it.
Uh, would you stop being so suspicious?
You said you neck hurt from posing for our photograph...
...so I invited Caleb over to ply his trade.
I do not think he's here to ply.
I think he's here so you can pry.
Dad's gonna be fine.
Since we're on the subject, at my funeral,
make sure the pallbearers say things like,
"Wow, she's so light,"
and things like, "Is she even in here?"
I don't want to be buried. I'm donating my body to science.
- Haven't you already? - I'm putting kettle bells in your coffin.
And make sure my cadaver goes to an Ivy League.
I don't want some hungover freshman from Swarthmore
getting his hands all over me.
Mm. It's not so bad.
I'm never gonna die.
Science is gonna find a cure for everything.
Grandpa told me that.
Quick, kids, hey, listen, Surgery Bear is not upstairs.
快 孩子们 听着 手术熊不在楼上
Oh, right, Dad gave it to Joe
when he got his tonsils taken out.
You could've told me that
before I looked through Luke's drawers.
- Which drawer?! - We'll get into that later.
Hey, honey, did you find Surgery Bear?
He's -- He's right here with his beautiful blue eyes.
I always considered them hazel,
but who could tell underneath those sunglasses?
Why don't you tell me what your favorite thing is
about Surgery Bear?
Well, as you know, he's the polar...
...opposite of me.
I mean, I hate surfing.
But it makes sense that a fireman would love it.
In my mind, he's a volunteer fireman during the summer
because professors have those off.
Professors have -- Yes.
Oh, gotta run, honey.
Elsie's here to give me another shot for the pain.
Don't be stingy, Elsie.
Last time, it took forever to fee...
Oh, thank God you're here.
Which one of these is Surgery Bear?
I gave him to Manny when he went to college.
I don't know, but we've given out too many keys.
What are you doing there?! You're gonna kill yourself!
Dad said I'm gonna live forever.
Is that what you told him? Are you crazy?
I didn't want to steal the kid's innocence.
Joe, I know what your father said,
You can die from that.
Yes. People die all the time.
That's why you have to be careful.
or something very heavy can fall on top of your head.
One time, I heard there was a little kid that exploded.
The nuns said that it was because of unclean thoughts.
Do you get all this?
Those are your friends. Go welcome them.
Hi, Joe. I brought cupcakes.
What's the point?
- You okay with the pressure? ?- If you looked under this table,
you'll see I'm drooling like a trumpeter.
Hey, sorry to interrupt.
Made some hot tea and some homemade cookies.
I'm suddenly feeling some
tension in your shoulder here, Mitchell.
Do you cook, like I do, Caleb, or...?
Oh, no. Not as much as I used to.
Oh, yeah, well, nothin' says lovin'
like a home-cooked meal.
I had my own restaurant for 15 years.
Oh, but it failed and you lost everything?
No, I had to walk away.
It's such a stressful life.
But I do miss having someone to cook for.
Cam, maybe you want to get into these topics
with Caleb during your massage?
Oh, yeah, okay. I'll leave you guys.
And the knots are melting away.
- You know, I'm a drummer. - Big one coming back here now.
Are you musical in any way, Caleb?
Yeah, I was actually in a band once.
But it failed and you lost everything?
Uh, no. We actually toured Europe for a couple years.
Bought me a house and a cabin in Hawaii.
When you say Hawaii,
you mean the big island of Ha-va-ee?
I'm sorry, Caleb.
I just remembered I need to talk to Cameron
about the recycling bin.
Would you excuse us?
You're acting crazy.
Okay, you know what?
I have some health issues on my mind, Mitchell,
and I was simply evaluating the man
who might become Lily's stepfather someday.
Cam, your -- your health is fine.
You don't know that. Phil probably thought the same thing
when he woke up this morning.
Okay. Things lurk.
Okay, so that's what this is?
You -- Seeing Phil flipped you out,
but nothing is lurking.
Okay. Maybe I'm being crazy.
How about if I send him home...
and finish this little massage myself?
Hey! Uh, everything okay with the recycling bins?
What? Oh. Oh. The excuse.
Y-Y-Yes, and listen, about earlier, um,
还好 听我说 其实刚才是因为
Mitchell has a little crush on you and I was being weird,
but we're all good now, so...
No, it's actually really nice to hear.
I just got dumped...
...so I'll take any validation I can get.
Did he say what exactly about me he liked?
I think how not needy you are.
Anyway, we've put you through enough, you should go.
I'll finish the massage.
Oh, absolutely not. Please, you've already paid.
不用了 不 你们已经付款了
Besides, when I leave, I'm just gonna be alone
in that apartment with the parrot that we adopted.
Where's Silvio? Where's Silvio?
I don't know. He left!
Hey, I-I just had an impulse.
Let's skip the massage.
I'll grab some wine and you can meet me in the bedroom.
Go on. Get in there.
You don't even know who it is.
It's Claire. I need Surgery Bear.
Not a good time, Claire.
Oh, gotta have it, buddy.
You know how in college,
everybody goes through a rebellious phase --
You know how one time Alex locked herself in the bathroom
and I kicked the door down?
That's what all the fuss is about? An earring?
Ugh. Where's the bear?
I started with an earring.
No one even noticed.
So, you might need to up your game, pal.
Try wearing a snake around your neck
and then act annoyed when people want to talk about it.
I went a different way.
Well, first of all, welcome.
We do have more fun.
I'm guessing you like it,
but you're worried what other people will think?
A passerby likened me to a tennis ball.
hide in here until it grows out.
Even with inside-out wearings,
I'd be out of underwear in three weeks.
Um, let me tell you about the happiest guy I know.
He stretched a tightrope across his front yard.
Didn't worry about the neighbors.
He pogo-sticked to work, and...
The point is, he doesn't care what anybody thinks,
he wouldn't have had half the fun he's had.
Let me ask you again.
How do you feel about the hair?
Kinda like it. Yeah.
How do you feel about the fact that Jay's gonna hate it?
Yeah, I'm gonna hold on just a little longer.
I need it today. Okay.
I hate to interrupt,
but if you just scream you'll call her back,
you might want to see how Joe's party's going.
Apparently, Joe shared the uplifting news
that his friends could die at any minute.
Hey, so, I love what I do,
but I feed off the energy of my audience.
And if I'm not getting a lot back,
it's harder for me to forget I'm a 45-year-old
classically trained actor in a body sock
and a cape that doubles as a curtain in my van.
Jackson, Mama's here!
You told them they were all going to die?
No, only Joe, but in a very nice way.
不 我只对乔说了 但说的方式很温和
Really? Because it looks like the "before" picture
in an ad for chewable Prozac.
We need to talk again about the thing.
I think I'm just gonna go to bed.
It's true we all die sometime.
But someone like you, so young,
is gonna live a long, long, long time.
Yeah, and the thing is,
knowing we're gonna die some day can be a good thing.
Because it reminds us to appreciate
every minute that we're around.
It's hitting you hard, isn't it?
It feels like I'm never going to laugh again.
But that's natural.
This is a pretty adult thing you're dealing with here.
In fact, I'd be worried about you if you weren't
walking underneath a cloud for a few days.
I got the Syrah and I want to do something Syr-wrong.
But what about your massage?
I said I didn't want it.
Mitchell, I am so happy we're doing this.
We haven't done anything spontaneous in forever.
I hope you like what I picked out for us.
It is a little fruitier than we're used to.
Togas and health scares...
Mitchell, I love you,
and I don't want Caleb to get between us.
Oh, so, where do you want me, then?
Wha-? Oh, my God. W-what are you doing here?
Me? I -- Cameron said that you liked me,
and then you said meet you in the bedroom.
You told Caleb that I liked him?
You told him to meet you in the bedroom?
I thought I was talking to you.
Guys, it sounds like all three of us could really use this.
Take it easy, Caleb.
You'll have Mitchell to yourself soon enough.
Cam, you're not dying!
We don't know that I'm not!
I-I had a cousin that died at my age
from a genetic condition,
and it runs on my mom's side of the family.
And if you have those two genes, you're at risk.
That's why I've been acting crazy all day.
Well, then, take a test
to make sure you don't have that pair of mom genes.
Mitchell, I did take the test.
I took it a week ago,
and I've been too scared to look at the results.
Oh, honey, I'm-I'm so sorry
you've been going through this by yourself.
Let's look at the results together, okay?
- Really? - Yeah.
No, my Etsy order shipped.
But, okay, here's the -- here it is.
但 好吧 这就是结果
- You look. I cannot look at it. - Okay, okay, okay.
-你来看 我不敢看 -好好好
- What? - You're fine. Look.
-什么 -你没事 快看
- Is it? ?- Yeah.
Oh, my God! I can't believe it!
Oh, now, that is something to celebrate.
- Yeah. I love you. - I love you.
-是啊 我爱你 -我爱你
All right, guys, I'm not-I'm not dense here.
好了 伙计们 我不傻
I-I know this is my cue to leave.
But what you guys have is...
it's very special.
You should cherish that.
I was gonna say, if you want to take the cookies when you leave...
No offense, but what do you see in him?
Oh, no. I'm in heaven.
No. No, you're not. Not yet. You made it.
不 你没有 还没有 你活下来了
And just so you know, Surgery Bear was here
and scrubbed in for the whole procedure.
That's pretty dangerous.
He's a women's studies professor.
Besides, the only thing I really needed was my neck pillow.
I knew if you didn't have something to keep you busy,
you'd worry all day.
You really do know me.
I'm glad you woke up when you did.
You almost slept through the second Saturday in January.
Why would you put it like that?
Hear ye, hear ye!
I hereby declare the opening of the first annual Dunphy Games --
Tests of strength...
- ...and cunning. - Yes!
With the winner receiving the coveted Dunphy chalice.
To our champion, Mitchell!
Extinguish the torch.
And that concludes the first Dunphy Games.
Wi-wi-winter Dunphy Games.
We'll see you all again July 9 for the Summer --
Take the win, Phil.
- Okay. - Okay. All right.
So we discovered our dad made
a series of videos through the years.
Every time he was in danger,
he made a good-bye video for us.
It turns out he's had the same haircut for a really long time.
I've been traped in this portable potty for some time now.
As you can see by the curling edges of my moustache,
the-the chemical fumes are strong.
I didn't plan to be on a airplane for Y2K, but...
A quick loving good-bye
as I am surrounded by a swarm of bears.
If anything happens to me today,
I have faith knowing the three of you will always have each others.
My fingers're numb.
To the point which it's hard to even keep a grip on the phone.
Oh, no! It's happening!
It's ha- Oh. Ther're-they're just starting a movie.
It's-it's "A Bug's Life."
But it's sweet that he wanted
his last words on earth be something for his family.
Also, we've reached a point in world history
where it's become much to easy to film youself.