Jay, where are you? What are you doing?
杰 你在哪 正在做什么
I'm just walking into my house.
Stop! Don't you take another step!
What the hell are you talking about?
Claire just told me your Valentine's
plans for Gloria.
最新连载海外影视剧下载请登陆 www.YYeTs.com仅供交流学习 禁止商用盈利
You're walking into a buzz saw!
What am I looking at here?
- Nothing. - Oh, it's a role-playing thing we do on Valentine's.
- It bumps the lovemaking up a notch. - ?Phil, why?
Gloria is mad at you.
If you walk in there with some lame gift,
she will bite your head right off, mister.
Well, you worried for nothing.
I bought her a nice cookie,
and the biggest Mylar balloon they sold at the grocery store.
Wake up, man! You're losing her!
When did you talk to Gloria?
打开微信 扫描左侧二维码或搜索公众号: 美剧炸了了解最新影视资讯字幕信息
I'm just taking Claire up to the overlook on Mulholland
for a little old-school make-out sesh.
You're so good at Valentine things...
unlike some ungrateful, selfish men
that don't appreciate women!
- You need to step it up tonight. - How?
By dressing up in costumes like weirdos?
It's not weird, Dad. It's fun.
这并不怪 爸 挺好玩的
Yeah. Tonight, we get to be 17 again,
when we were just a couple of innocent, wide-eyed virgins.
Today, when Gloria found out what we were doing, she said,
"Damn it, Phil. You are so good at Valentine's.
"该死的 菲尔 你真会过情人节
I wish Jay was as sexy as you."
She never said that.
Okay, call Gloria,
tell her to meet you at a hotel bar,
and then you show up as some romantic character.
- Who would I be? - Anybody.
Think of the most exotic person you can.
the father of the American freeway.
You're gonna want to think a little sexier than that.
You have not seen the right photos.
What are you doing? I thought he was taking you out to dinner.
I'm pre-eating so I don't look like a pig.
Oh, please tell me you don't eat on dates.
Who's the lucky guy?
Oh, this professor from Alex's college.
Normally, I wouldn't go out with a guy like that,
but there's something about him.
"Something about him"?
He's one of the most respected minds on campus,
who also happens to look like the protagonist
from a Jane Austen novel.
He's totally out of your league.
Oh, well, now you're being crazy.
Are you into him or something?
No! I'm just genuinely concerned
you're going to embarrass yourself or me.
At least look up the difference between astrology and astronomy.
Okay, alls I know is,
is that you're being a real Capricorn right now.
The sun revolves around the Earth,
I cannot believe we got into this restaurant.
I know. Oh, you know what?
Let's take a picture and use Facebook the way it was intended.
Oh, to find out how racist our high-school friends are?
No, to make people in our lives
feel worse about their lives.
Your table's being set up right now.
- Oh, my G- No. - ?What?
-我的天 不 -怎么了
- Th-that's Luke. ?- No. We ca-
-那是卢克 -不 我们不能...
- We can't sit there. I'm s- - No, we can't sit next to --
Can we have a-can we have a different table?
I'm sorry, not tonight.
If you guys don't want it, I have 10 other people who do.
Okay. You know what?
Tonight was supposed to be a romantic night.
?I-I don't want to watch him
make his sweaty moves on his conquest of the week.
And some of them buy it.
Under what gas leak is
he finding these brain-dead bimbos?
And have you heard how mean he's gotten?
The other day, he called us "catty."
- He called us catty? - ?Yeah.
You sure he wasn't talking about the dead cat on his head
- he calls a haircut? - Oh, my --
?Hey, Luke! What a coincidence.
I think it's nice that we're helping out
Dad and Gloria tonight.
I know. I'm just a little bummed
that we're stuck here, watching Joe,
when we could be messing around in a Trans Am.
Or...did we just take it up a notch, huh?
I'm the foxy babysitter. The kid's asleep.
You are the foxy bad boy
who sneaks over with some wine coolers...
Now that I'm six, I like girls,
but I love two girls --
The Little Mermaid and Claire.
Oh. Joe. W-What are you doing up?
Hello, Claire. I made this for you.
Look, it's a Valentine.
It's two love bugs.
Three's a crowd.
Hey, how can I help you?
I am Gigi DeLaroca, businesswoman.
Life has tried to break me, but it has only teach me.
So, you want a drink?
The lady will have Campari and soda.
I have never had that drink.
Well, no one "camparis" to you.
I am Gigi DeLaroca, businesswoman.
I am Raoul Matadore.
I own this hotel. May I?
Of course, Mr. Matadore.
Like Andy Garcia in "Ocean's Eleven."
I don't think you have to explain.
Right. Um, you talk.
No, I mean, um... Thank you.
不 我的意思是 谢谢
What business are you in? Bueno.
Well, let's just say,
I'm just a lady that works in the evening.
But I am not available to any man.
So charm me, Mr. Matadore.
has the finest closets in all the land.
We have lighted rods and soft-close doors.
I was once married to a man
that endlessly talked about closet.
You're boring me very much.
I need one secondo, huh?
Hotel businesso, huh?
Oh, my goodness. The waitress -- She left a menu here.
Now, I'm wondering if we should have got --
Oh, my God! Where's his date?
Do you think he got stood up?
- Let me see that. - Right here.
It's so embarrassing. What do we even say?
They're not soundproof menus. Yeah. She's standing me up.
菜单又不能隔音 没错 她放我鸽子了
Women are impossible, you know?
For us, they are.
Well, now I made it work once,
although there was a-a Rob Lowe poster behind her.
You know what? I say to heck to heck with this gal.
- Get back out there, go to a bar! - ?Yes!
-去邂逅其他人 到酒吧去 -没错
- A guy like you, great head of hair... ?- Yep.
-像你这样的小伙 一头秀发 -没错
Nah, I'm too depressed.
Besides, I prepaid for my meal. I guess I'll order.
Just forget I'm here.
Anyway... happy Valentine's Day.
- Thanks. - You look so handsome.
I can't believe I let you talk me into doing this crap.
- I need help! - It's okay.
Underneath it all, it's just you and your wife.
That's the problem.
I don't know how I got her to begin with.
And I'm starting to feel if I can't pull this off,
she's gonna figure out she got duped the first time.
Let me start by saying "Thank you"
for being so vulnerable with me.
Also, I'm no expert at this,
but I have a friend here who is.
Clive Bixby here.
How can I make your night sexier?
If I can't role-play with her,
I'm not doin' it with you.
I'm gonna give the phone back to Philip.
Listen, it's all about commitment and confidence.
What's-what's your character?
Raoul Matadore, hotel owner,
like Andy Garcia --
In "Ocean's Eleven" -- I love this for you!
Did you go with the timepiece?
Yeah, I thought at some moment, I'd pull it out,
smash it on the bar, and say,
"I want to remember the exact moment I fell in love."
- I'm an idiot! - ?No.
That silence is me picking my jaw up off the floor.
We're all walking, and you're flying, mister.
我们还在学走路 你已经在飞了 大师
Seriously? You think so?
1,000%! But don't take it from me.
Mr. Matadore, I tip my turtleneck to ya.
All right, no peeking.
I hope you're not disappointed.
Wow! It's so pretty!
You know what else is pretty?
Well, I was going to say "Venus."
But sure, let's go with you.
Come on, have a look.
Yeah, there's a new moon, so it's the perfect night
to observe faint star clusters.
?And -- And right in the middle,
there's a variable star that I discovered.
It's right next to a white dwarf.
Oh, I don't think you're allowed to say that anymore.
Yes, tricky times we live in.
Wow, this is so cool.
Right. Have a -- Have a think about this --
There is a theory that suggests the universe is so large
that everything that can happen is happening all the time.
Sor-- Sorry, I'm a little obsessed with space.
I-I built my first Dobsonian telescope when I was 10.
You made a telescope?
The only thing I've ever made was an ashtray for my mom
that says, "Rub your butt here."
Oh, like cigarette butt.
What are you doing next August 27th
I have no idea. Why?
NASA is giving me an award for a radiation shield,
- and -- ?NASA's giving you an award?
I need a date. There's no pressure.
But it saved the lives of a bunch of astronauts.
Wow, you've done a lot.
Well, I'm -- I'm sure you've had
your share of accomplishments.
Oh, yeah! Yeah, of course.
Let's see. There was, um...
Nope. Nope. That is a --
不 不 这话题
that is a bad road.
Well, uh, uh, okay, so professionally,
I've been kind of sort of dabbling in, like,
a lot of different -- Pass.
Um...I-I-I-I once flew
next to the bass player of The Killers.
Uh, you know, it just kind of looked like him.
Is there a bathroom?
Here, I'm just gonna find it myself.
No big deal. I'm fine. I'm -- I'm great.
没什么 我没事 我很好
So, are you seeing anybody new?
No, I didn't even make my mom a Valentine's card this year.
It's alarming that I asked about dating,
and you went right to your mother.
Alex, it's Professor Fennerman.
I'm sorry to bother you on Valentine's.
Have you heard from Haley?
Isn't she with you?
She was, and... then she suddenly ran off.
I think -- I think I may have bored her
to the point of fleeing.
You could never bore anyone.
You know who's boring? Professor Schaeffer.
Agreed. He's insufferable.
He never stops droning on.
He's like the cosmic microwave background radiation.
Because he's the constant noise you can't get rid of!
Thank God somebody gets me tonight.
You know, I think it might have been a bad idea,
bringing her to the observatory.
I probably should have set my sights on someone
with whom I have more in common.
Do you know what I mean?
Anyway, I think I'll wait here a little longer,
take in the stars, just in case she shows up.
- What? - ?Haley blew him off.
I think he wants me to come to the observatory to be with him.
You have feelings for this guy?
I mean, do you know how hard it is
to find a good-looking genius?
There's him, and when I put in a little effort, me!
Yeah, you will, a-and I'm gonna make
a Valentine for my mom.
They're not the same!
Okay, open -- open mine first.
Oh. ?It's -- It's a kimono.
I took an online origami class.
"Friend, lover, husband.
My life started when we met.
You're my everything."
Ooh, let's see what you wrote in yours.
Aww. It's a tandem bicycle.
Yeah. ?It's so cute.
And I thought my date was cold.
What? No. Cam knows what I mean.
Cam knows you are mean?
You were more effusive about tonight's menu
than you were in my card.
"The molten chocolate cake looks slutty and delicious."
Would it kill you to say that about me?
What the hell? Amanda was here.
This picture you posted on Facebook --
She's right behind you. Why would she just leave?
Tonight was supposed to be a romantic night.
I don't want to watch Luke make his sweaty moves
on his conquest of the week.
Yeah, and some of them buy it.
Under what gas leak is
he finding these brain-dead bimbos?
I know what happened.
She walked in, saw me for the first time,
and thought I was hideous.
I've really been struggling with my hair lately.
No, no, stop it. You have great hair.
别 才没有 你发型好看死了
If it worked for Sheena Easton, it can work for you.
We spent all this time texting.
I thought we had a real connection,
like, really got each other.
We couldn't let him blame himself.
But, uh...he took it pretty well.
You catty bitches!
Luke, we love you, but ever since you hit puberty,
卢克 我们爱你 但自从你进入青春期
- you've been... a little disgusting. - A little disgusting.
-你就有点... 讨人厌 -讨人厌
Don't you think I know that?!
She was my chance to turn it around.
Okay, you know what? Call her.
好 这样吧 打给她
We'll get on the phone, we'll clear the whole thing up.
I called her. She's not picking up.
We're going to her apartment.
We messed this up, we'll fix it.
Before the cake arrives?
I've been wanting to bury my face in that all night long.
How can you not hear this?
Okay, Joey, it's getting late.
好了 乔 时间晚了
It's time to get you up to bed.
Can you do a quick monster check first?
Phil, I can't sleep without my teddy bear,
and I left him in my wagon.
Can you get him? I'm afraid of the dark.
You got it, buddy.
Joe? What are you doing?
Fulgencio Joseph Pritchett!
You let me in right now, young man.
Joe, what is going on with this music?
Who knows what that guy?
Honey, what happened?
Mini Casanova locked me out.
What? That is enough.
Joe, you are a little boy,
and you're going to bed right now.
You're a bad Valentine!
I feel like the rest of the Breakfast Club
when they realized Judd Nelson was
more vulnerable than they thought. ?I...
My hotel in Ibiza was my favorite.
I used to hang out with Telly Savalas,
but the scenery here
makes me like this one mucho more.
You don't have to impress me
with money or name-dropping, I think.
Don't tell this to my madam,
but I cannot accept any money from you.
Can I talk with you for a moment?
I'm gonna have to ask you to leave now.
The hotel owner is very strict
about women who do what you do.
Ooh, you're gonna take me to a room
where the hotel owner is going to give me
a very tough, sexy talking to?
No, you're gonna leave, or we're gonna call the police.
不是 您得离开 不然我们要叫警察了
- Yes, call the police. - Gloria --
-行啊 你叫警察吧 -歌洛莉亚
I've been a very, very bad girl.
This is not a part of it.
Sir, she is not a prostitute.
That's what they all say.
Yep, that's probably what I would've said.
Here she is. Ciconi.
- Oh, hi! - Here she is.
You're actually hotter than your picture.
You know, let us talk. Hi! So, we're --
来 我们来谈 你好 我们...
- we're Luke's uncles. - We're Luke's uncles.
You're his uncles?
And you said he put sweaty moves on brain-dead bimbos?
Okay, hadn't heard the specifics.
Okay, you know -- you know what?
好啦 是... 是这样啦
We d-- We didn't mean any of that.
We're gay, and gays are snarky.
It's a cultural thing.
You know how, like, you're Italian?
Italians talk a lot with their hands, right
and are much looser
than one would imagine for Catholics.
Okay, okay. Let me talk right now.
Okay, Amanda, Luke's an amazing guy.
Why would I believe what you're saying now
and not what you said before?
I don't know. I don't know.
You know, maybe we were just being snarky
because we were jealous of you guys. Yeah.
I mean, seeing Luke all dressed up,
getting ready for a first date, the --
the excitement of being young and in love.
I-I remember when I first met Cam --
- I'm Cam. - This is Cam.
I knew I had met the person
I was gonna spend the rest of my life with.
That's what I want, too -- a relationship,
someone who's gonna be there for me.
Luke feels the same way.
I mean, this is a guy who is ready for commitment.
We've really only texted.
Okay, well, when I say --
when I say to give Luke a chance,
it's because I-I know what's at stake for you.
I-I mean, you think it's amazing now?
You can't even imagine what it could grow into.
If you guys have even the smallest chance
of having what we have... you have to go for it.
Oh, my God, Mitchell.
That is the Valentine's Day card I've always wanted.
Drive until you hear a party.
Okay. Well, you know what? Good luck, honey.
好啦 亲爱的 祝你好运吧
- Bye, then. - Yeah, take care.
You see, we have the same address
and the same last name.
I was just pretending to be a prostitute
because my husband has a thing for Jane Fonda in "Klute."
The body was crazy,
unfortunately, so were the politics.
Well, I guess you didn't do anything wrong by hotel rules,
but based on my personal belief system --
We're not looking for any input. Thank you.
I can't believe I took romantic advice from Phil,
a grown man I've seen in lederhosen at least three times.
Phil told you to do the role play?
Yeah, he said you were mad this morning
because I always drop the ball on days like this.
I wasn't mad at you.
because he didn't make me a Valentine.
So your 6-year-old kid
doesn't give you a card, you get so mad,
you throw a tire iron through the windshield.
It's got to be deeper than that.
Manny, for the first time ever,
didn't make me a Valentine's, either.
That's not deeper.
That's just doubling down on the same disturbing thing.
When Manny was 5 years old,
he told me that he would forever be my Valentine's.
Promises were made. I will not be ignored!
Okay, yeah. That sounded weird.
But the point is that I know
that you're not good at romantic things,
and I'm fine with it.
Don't let me off the hook.
you wouldn't depend on your kids for those things.
And if I learned anything
from trying to pick you up tonight,
it's how lucky I was to get you in the first place.
I've got to do better.
And I didn't think anyone
could get any sexier than Raoul Matadore.
I want to remember the exact moment
I fell in love with you all over again.
What the hell have you done?
That was my father's watch!
You don't think I led him on, do you?
I am not doing this.
Women always blame themselves.
Well, I'm sorry, Joe. I don't owe you anything.
抱歉 乔 我没欠你什么
You know what? I-I think I'll handle this.
Are you gonna yell at me, too?
The reason Claire was yelling at you
was to protect my feelings.
She knows I can't compete with you,
which is why I have to ask you a really big favor.
Can you pick another girl?
I mean, you can have anyone you want,
but... Claire's all I've got.
I'd be lost without her.
I don't even know how I got her in the first place.
You are pretty silly.
Dude to dude, will you back off?
Is Haley seeing anyone?
How'd I get back to Arvin? I don't know.
I was just looking for the parking lot
when I came to a fork in the path.
Had I taken the other path,
I would've just gotten in my car and gone home.
Why did you run off? What did I do?
Everything. And I've done nothing.
I-I feel like a loser.
You feel like a loser?
Why do you think I went on about myself so appallingly?
I won the Von Snootington Award
for Applied Astro-Doofinomics.
You won another award? How is this helping?
Haley...I like you.
You are formidable in a way that's...
that's different and exciting to me.
but it just doesn't make sense.
I love things that don't make sense.
Let's figure this out together.
Oh, it's so weird to think that if I had taken another path,
I could be heading home right now.
Wait a minute. It's like what you said before.
In a different universe, you could be with someone else.
Um, could we... could we change this song?
The poppy cadence is throwing off my more bluesy lovemaking style.
Don't you ever knock?!
This is my bedroom!
I can't believe this is happening again!
I wish I had gotten arrested!
Mom, where are you?
I made you a Valen...
What kind of freak show goes on here when I'm not around?