Daddies will miss you both so much! Have the best time!
* We're alone! We're alone! We're alone! We're alone! *
* 家里只有我俩了 只有我俩了 *
There's a box out here marked fruit of the month.
最新连载海外影视剧下载请登陆 www.YYeTs.com仅供交流学习 禁止商用盈利
I'm assuming that means one of you won a contest.
So, Pam's moving back home
after living in our upstairs unit for like three years.
Uh, okay, it's been a year and nine days,
and she chopped us all that wood.
Plus, she's taking Lily back to see my parents.
It's birthing season so she gets to name her first pig.
Oh, and then we slaughter it on her 13th birthday.
There's prayers and dancing.
It's not unlike your standard bar mitzvah.
Except a lot more pork and a lot less Jews.
Anyway, we're excited to have the house to ourselves again.
* Naked breakfast, naked breakfast *
* 裸体早餐 裸体早餐 *
打开微信 扫描左侧二维码或搜索公众号: 美剧炸了了解最新影视资讯字幕信息
* Making sausages and grits, barely coverin' our bits *
* 做着香肠和粗燕麦粉 衣不遮体 *
* Cookin' a frittata while wearin' nada *
* 煎着意大利烘蛋饼 一丝不挂 *
I knew you two would keep the side door unlocked.
What would you do if I were a deranged psychopath?
I'd probably start with, "Hi, Mom, what are you doing here?"
我也许会先说 "妈妈 你来这干什么"
Jerry and I had a terrible row!
Well, put on some pants so we can hug.
- Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Back to back.
Why didn't we just back out?
I don't know, but we're already committed to this.
Okay, last run, and then we clean up
好 最后一次试飞 然后我们就开始收拾
or your mom will be mad. hang on, here we go.
不然你妈妈会生气的 等等 成功了
- Okay. - Got this.
my Pritchett's Closets presidential portrait.
It's a dumb tradition my dad started,
but I kind of love the way mine turned out.
At least it's more understated than his.
The colors are muted
and I am not wearing a sash and service revolver.
We never should have played with --
Where is the drone? Did you turn it off?
Wow, this place looks dynamite.
I wanted to give Manny a nice premiere for his movie.
He's been in such a dry spell creatively.
That modern dance recital was like...
Ugh, I couldn't even look at that leotard.
Okay, yeah, he's a terrible dancer,
but you don't have to use that word.
For my film class, I wrote and directed a short.
I felt the horror genre was the best way to grapple with
the struggles of our time.
When Manny first came to me with the project...
You read a script I left out and you elbowed your way in.
Semantics. I was gonna be the silent money.
But it turns out I've got some natural storytelling talent,
so I took on a more creative role.
In spite of that, I got my first "A."
I can't deal with my mother's marriage drama right now.
Nobody gets the love-lorn back on their feet
and out the door faster than we do.
We'll just trot out our -- our trusty "Heartbreak kit."
Is that in the closet next to the earthquake kit?
And the Eartha Kitt.
Did you put those all in the same place just to delight me?
So, you have wine, a self-help book,
a-a pillow shaped like the platonic ideal
of a male torso for cuddling and/or punching...
And a DVD we made for you called
the "Donna Summer Olympics."
It's a compilation of all the sexiest male athletes
accompanied by the high queen of disco.
So sensitive to a woman's needs.
Did I tell you that his mother is living with us?
Yeah, no discussion.
She just shows up with her birds.
Well, you know, Mom, relationships take sacrifice.
I mean, when Cam's sister Pam moved in,
it w-- it was hard on me.
I-I was constantly worried about
the lost money on the upstairs rental and...
You know, Mitchell, maybe we shouldn't discuss money.
It can be a bit unseemly.
I wasn't planning on being unseemly,
a word I've never heard you use before.
I-I'm simply saying how stressful
having a long-term house guest can be and...
Oh. ?Oh, sweetie, yeah, take a breath.
Oh, my -- Oh, my -- Oh, my God. No. No.
天啊 天啊 不 不
You used to do this when I was young.
Did you get this move from my mother?
Mitchell, there is no reason for this uns-- um, high-temper --
米奇尔 没必要这样不... 脾气这么大
Unseemly! You were gonna say "Unseemly"!
Unseemly! You stole that word from her.
Okay, okay, okay. W-What's going on here?
Are you two, um... friends?
We talk on the phone, e-mail, exchange recipes.
我们聊电话 发邮件 交换食谱
Oh. Oh, is she the reason we've been eating so much quinoa?
- It's a super-food. - It's a super-food.
Okay, okay. Can I talk to you for a second?
Okay, no reason to lie about it, 'cause I already know.
好 没必要撒谎 因为我已经知道了
How long have you been involved with this woman?
Can I ask a question? Is there a chance you're just
kind of making this all about Mitchell?
Your mouth is moving, but that is her talking.
Okay, don't you see what's happening?
She's manipulating you to manipulate me.
Don't you think I'm smart enough to know
if I'm being used?
I also have a mom.
You're out of your league here, bumpkin!
Okay, this is a city mother!
Wow. What happened to the seemly man I married?
You can't use it like that.
Okay, how's it looking?
Who would've thought Mom and Teddy Roosevelt
were identical front-teeth twins?
Okay, just give me a quick minute to dry the glue.
Oh, can you throw that shirt on a hanger for me, actually?
I need to look sharp for Manny's premiere tonight.
I play the Sheriff, which is ironic
because I steal every scene I'm in.
Dad, no! It's melting!
爸爸 不好 胶水融化了
I've ruined your mother.
Today's your mom's monthly spa day.
Afterwards, th-there's a brief window
when she's at her most relaxed and understanding.
It's the best time to give her bad news.
I was gonna tell her about the $500
I wired to that stranded British guy on the phone,
but this seems more important.
Honey, you look nice. Why?
亲爱的 你打扮得真美 为什么
Wait, you're dressed like a girl.
No! You are not using the window.
You got the last one!
Did everyone know about this window?
You guys need it too? For what?
Oh, wow. It is not easy doing something that dumb.
Yeah, this is why men are over.
I hope you enjoyed the last 10,000 years.
Listen, I have to bail on our trip with Mom for Mother's Day.
No! I have to bail, you have to go!
不行 我也得推掉 你得去
She cried when we asked her.
But my boss invited me to the Met Ball.
Her therapy dog got the flu, so I get to fly first class.
But Bill wants to take me away.
This is the first time I've had a boyfriend
who's not spending Mother's Day watching "Driving Miss Daisy"
and pulling gray hairs out of a hairbrush.
Three asks in one window, it's unprecedented.
If we're gonna pull this off, we're gonna have to make this
the most relaxing environment she's ever walked into.
I'm sorry to barge in.
I was visiting Cam and Mitch,
and there's some tension over there.
Well, where's my daughter?
I don't hear any cooking or cleaning sounds
so I assume she's home.
Dad, what do we do?
Mitchell must've brought her. Maybe he's still out --
"Chapter Five -- Toss that clown,
he's been keeping you down."
Cam, I spent my whole life
trying to get out from underneath my mother's thumb,
and I-I finally thought that that was over.
So to find out that she's been
secretly managing me through you --
Okay, before you throw a clot,
please, come look at my laptop.
Read the e-mails your mother and I have sent.
It's mostly from one thread.
Okay, look what she says in this one.
"Some kitchen items you might like."
- The stove, the tiles... - What?
-炉灶 瓷砖 -什么
...the-the-the folksy sign on the wall, Cam!
You said that these were your ideas.
D-don't you see she incepted you
and-and designed our whole kitchen?!
It was all so diabolical, and it went deep.
She tricked us into making every decision in our lives.
For example, 12 years ago,
she sent me pictures of adorable Asian babies.
While hitting me with a little reverse psychology.
"Mitchell, America has taken so much from the Vietnamese,
do you really want to snatch one of their children?"
I do if you don't want me to!
Oh, my God, 2004?!
Th-that's a year into our relationship.
"Oh, Cam, I hate to think of you living all alone
"小卡 想到你崴伤了脚 独自一人
in that tiny apartment with a broken ankle."
?And on the same day, she's e-mailing you,
"It's too soon to move in with someone.
I strongly discourage it."
Which is exactly why I did it.
And because you love me so much.
And because we were in love. Are in love. Yes.
- Mitchell. - Oh, my God.
- She's everywhere. - She is.
Jay, you're abusing my editor.
Wait, stop. Back it up.
等等 停下 后退
No, no. The movie's done.
We can't keep arguing about this!
Don't we both want to cut the sheriff?!
Yes! He stinks on ice!
But it hurts the story if we don't stay on him long enough
in the closet to see the terror on his face!
You just want to see the Pritchett's Closets
emblem next to his head!
No, no, no, not again!
The red carpet that they sent me is orange,
and they keep putting me on hold.
I never thought that I could hate
hearing "She Bangs" over and over.
- You didn't? - Really?
Manny, give me the movie.
I need to make sure that the projector is working
and that the picture is good.
Here, take it. It's done, anyway.
I don't know what to do with this.
I'm gonna need to borrow your nerd.
And why don't you go get me a tomato juice?
Look, I know we've had our creative differences,
but I really think we have a hit on our hands.
I'm pretty proud of it, too.
And a little nervous to put it out there.
'Cause you made the monster just like Mom?
- No, we didn't. - What are you talking about?
That noise. It's what she says all the time.
Stella, no! Out, out! I'll kill you!
斯黛拉 不 出去 我要宰了你
How could this happen?!
We spent weeks perfecting the monster's trademark scream
by combining a bunch of unsettling noises.
Horror movies are all about the sound.
Particularly when your special effects budget
has been repurposed for an on-set massage chair.
Hey, you used it just as much as I did.
So, our monster sounds like your mother screaming?
But we didn't know that before we put it in, right?
- No, of course not, we love her. - To the moon.
-当然没有 我们爱她 -爱出天际
- Maybe she won't notice. - We better hope not.
- It's your movie. - It's your movie.
- She's asleep? How lucky. - Kind of lucky.
-她睡着了 真走运 -算是吧
She said she was tired and Haley gave her some...tea.
What was in the tea?
You want her asleep, or you want to ask questions?
Mom just pulled up!
Quick, longest straw goes first with her,
then medium, then shortest.
That's the short straw. You're last.
Oh, damn it! I'm so used to a world
where the smallest size wins.
This sucks, you guys are gonna use up all of Mom's happy buzz.
- Oh, there she is! She's here! - Hurry!
-她来了 她进来了 -快
Cover her up so mom can't see.
- There she is! - There's my beautiful family!
- Hi, Mom. - Hi, Mom.
Wait, why are those shirts over there?
Oh, sorry. We didn't finish the laundry.
Oh, well, don't sweat it, handsome.
Read a paper, we ain't got problems.
So, Mom, we made you lunch,
but it's so pretty outside. Let's have a little picnic.
Yeah, I love that idea. Fun in the sun.
- Have some fun outdoors. - Life is a picnic.
- I'm happy right here. - Okay.
Oh, we're just so nervous that we overdressed the salad.
I can't even watch you taste it.
Honey, this is so good. What --
亲爱的 真好吃 里面都有...
Mom, I-I hate to have to ask you this,
but would you mind if I missed out on our Mother's Day trip?
Well, Bill only gets one weekend off a month,
and he wants to take me to the Grand Canyon.
- On a motorcycle. - What?!
Sweetie, as your mom, I know I should say no,
but let's face it,
those books aren't keeping you warm at night.
Let's get some bugs in those teeth, huh?
Mom, you are the best. Thank you so much.
妈 你最棒了 太谢谢你了
Weren't you just wearing jeans?
and, Miss Dunphy, my eyes are up here.
另外 邓菲女士 别盯着人家下面看
- The house is settling. - My stomach.
Anyways, things are really good at work, Mom.
话说回来 我工作一切顺利 妈
Haley's trying to cut.
I finally realized how much sacrifice
it takes to have a career.
You know, my boss, like, she wants me
to go with her on this business trip.
But it couldn't come at a worse weekend.
Welcome to the struggle, sister.
- The window's gonna close. - Window? What-what window?
-窗口要关闭了 -窗口 什么窗口
Great news. We moved the box in the garage.
- The craziest thing happened -- - Talk about crazy things.
You know how the Met Ball is in New York
and how I weigh the same as a medium-sized dog?
Haley, the grownups are talking!
Guys, guys, guys, the knots are coming back.
大伙 大伙 我脖子上的结节又出现了
Mom, I'm bailing on our trip!
I made Dad play and we flew our drone into your face!
A man named Nigel Pickles
may have our bank account numbers!
- I'm gonna go. - Stop!
Clearly, you all have bad news to tell me.
But do you have to dump it on me when I'm in a good mood?
Oh, my God, you did!
That's what the window is!
The one hour a month when I am a human to you people.
Sometimes it's longer.
Let me tell you something.
You debutantes have it easy.
You wouldn't have survived one day
in the house where I grew up,
where an actual crazy person was running the show.
- Um, Claire -- - The guilting, the shaming,
-克莱尔 -内疚绑架 羞辱
the number of times I heard
"Where did I go wrong with you?"
- Mom, Nana's here. - Yeah. I'm sorry.
-妈 外婆来了 -是啊 对不起
Save it. I know where I'm not wanted.
And no, I'm not trying to guilt you.
I can't waste the energy on that,
as I am basically homeless
now that my marriage has unraveled.
- Claire -- - No!
No! We are going to sit here in silence
until it is my turn to storm out.
If Mom starts to think the monster sounds familiar,
I say we tell her it's Stella barking.
And hurt Stella's feelings? Think! ?
Dede? What are you doing here?
Our children are horrible.
I'm sorry to barge in.
Oh. Gloria's holding a soiree.
You will do no such thing.
You come with me, young lady.
She was the perfect secret weapon.
We send her upstairs to freshen up,
just before the movie starts, we drop the Dede bomb.
Gloria's flustered, off her game,
she doesn't even pay attention to the film.
You still got it.
And to think I was worried last night
when you kept trying to turn on your phone flashlight
and ended up taking 30 pictures of your angry face.
There they are, my handsome movie makers.
What are you wearing?
What are you wearing?
What are you wearing?
Whatever I want.
Okay, I just found out that my mother
has been secretly controlling every decision we've ever made,
so we are taking our lives back.
She thinks this color washes me out. Well, guess what?
- She was right? - You match the carpet.
Use more teeth when you talk,
because I'm losing your whole face.
Okay, pay them no never mind.
Uh, she also implied 15 years ago
that Cam's accent was trashy, so that's also happening.
Yep, and it came right back to me
like a cheatin' husband on his rent day.
Grab yourselves a drink.
Does no one know what
"Upscale cocktail Hollywood glamour fabulous" means?
- Hello. - Gloria.
No, I don't. I'm sorry. I had to run off some rage.
我不懂 抱歉 我不得不发泄一下怒气
Mitchell, you're a lawyer. Can I divorce my whole family?
Are you even facing me right now?
Tarnation, here comes your kin! Git! Git! Oh!
靠咧 你家那堆人来了 溜 快溜
Sorry, I'm still working on the balance.
Oh, there's Mom. Luke, turn your cute on.
妈在那边 卢克 快打开卖萌模式
There's my Sheriff.
Go. I want to take a picture with the poster.
I'm sorry, I'm not really in a place --
Sorry, I didn't see you against the carpet.
Nope. Not cute anymore. You're 40.
少来 不萌了 你都要40岁了
You know, forgiveness creates a biochemical reaction that --
You're gone, aren't you?
Okay, everybody, sit down. It's time to watch the movie!
好了各位 坐下 到观影的时候了
Is Mom still at your house?
Oh, no, she ran off all mad at me.
I guess I'm not getting a recycled hemp Christmas card this year.
Well, Cam and I have a tiny bone to pick with her, too,
for controlling our entire lives.
Not that it'll matter. We all know what she's gonna say.
"Well, forgive me for caring."
- Are you kidding?! - Look who dropped in.
Let me get you a chair.
Oh, don't bother. Sitting's the new smoking.
Mom, we need to talk.
Just get in line, sweetie.
Oh, shoot. Well, family first. Let's reschedule the premiere.
妈呀 家庭优先 首映改期吧
No. You will talk later.
Here comes the first test.
I can't believe that Dede is standing up.
Worked like a charm.
I don't know what was more genius, bringing Dede in,
or hooking the audience early with some teenage sex.
You were right to fight for that.
This is my big scene.
We're better than this.
think about that!
I don't know if I was being oversensitive
because of my situation with Claire, but that editing stung.
My huge speech, a fight with the townspeople, all gone.
I'll never forget you.
- Yeah. - Very nice.
Fine filmmaking, Manuel.
You really got to something visceral.
I feel like I've met that monster.
No, no, no. It's all fiction. Now let's go eat.
不不不 都是虚构的 我们去吃饭吧
No, you know what, that scream
actually sounded somehow familiar.
- Yeah, it did, didn't it? - Yeah.
-对啊 真的是这样对吧 -对啊
Stella, no! No! Out, out, out! I'll kill you!
斯黛拉 不行 出去 出去 我宰了你
You made me into your monster!
It's just a bunch of awful sounds
laid on top of each other.
How is that better?
- Well, at least you were in the film. - ?Phil!
Well, now that we've reached the Q&A portion of the evening,
I do have a question for Mom, if that's okay with her.
Or do you want to tell Cam to tell me what to do
and then use reverse psychology on me?
Mitchell, if you want to confront me about something,
No, I'm -- I'm gonna do it when I want to do it.
不 我... 等我想问的时候我再问
Well, anyway, you look lovely in the salmon suit.
Oh, you know what? You know what?
Okay, well, how about this? Huh?
- You realize what she just -- - I do realize now.
Okay, you two are being ridiculous.
And if I may come to Mom's defense for just a moment --
- Oh, yeah. - What?!
Yes! Yeah, uh-huh,
and not just because I owe her an apology, which I do.
But, I mean, do you like your lives?
Are you happy with the way things turned out?
Instead of blaming Mom
for helping you make the right choices,
how about thanking her?
You know, it's not so easy to be the one who always knows best.
In fact, it can make you a little tense sometimes.
This amazing woman runs a company,
she runs a family,
and you don't show her any appreciation.
Just like you two.
I put you two together to do this movie
and you turn me into your devil creature.
What do you mean you put us together?
I left Manny's script out so that you would see it
and you would get involved.
I knew that this movie was not going to be good
unless I would take his artsy weirdness
and balance it with your low-brow, couch-tomato sensibility.
And that's why it was so great.
Gloria, I know what you put up with.
I-I was married to Jay.
You are a saint to stick around.
Especially with that bosom,
you could get any guy in town.
So, unfortunately, this is what families do --
they turn mothers into monsters.
- Mom, that's not fair. - That's not what we're doing.
We're better than this.
What are monsters, but pure, beautiful creatures
we project our fears onto?
And are they even scary,
or are we just too terrified to look inside
and see the ugliness and inadequacies in ourselves?
let's just think about that.
- That's a nice start. - He's right.
- You're not a monster. - Mom, we're sorry.
-你不是怪兽 -妈 我们错了
We love you, sweetheart.
If Phil had been half that good when we were rollin',
we never would've cut that speech.
He finally just trusted the words.
Everybody stop. Oh. I'm stuck.
Is -- Is this props or wardrobe?
Stop! Everybody stop.
Everybody, I can't stop!
We're better than this!
I'm not hearing it.
Oh actually I'm at work, do you think
I could send you a picture of the rash?
Damn it Phil, you're in the shot!
靠 菲尔 你闯入拍摄了