Didn't you just cut his hair?
Yes, but it's his kindergarten graduation party today.
Okay, no messy goodbyes, I'm out of here.
好了 告别不要搂搂抱抱 我走了
Ay, papi, I'm going to miss you.
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Can you at least stay for the party that I'm making for Joe?
Mom, Mrs. Nussbaum is paying me
to get her car to Delaware by Friday at noon.
I already lost an hour looking for my driving gloves.
You're plowing through the heartlands
in an inchworm-green Camry
with a bumper sticker that says "Meat is Murder."
I hid these gloves for a reason.
Listen, uh, we weren't kidding about you being careful.
And, uh, not to get dramatic, just keep your wits about you.
What the hell is that?
It's an air freshener. What does it look like?
打开微信 扫描左侧二维码或搜索公众号: 美剧炸了了解最新影视资讯字幕信息
I'm going on the Martha Stewart
bed-and-breakfast tour of America,
not an Aboriginal manhood quest.
I'm not saying you're gonna need it,
just better safe than sorry.
Slash, don't stab.
Stop wiggling. I'm almost done.
Ah! My hair is my identity!
Uh, Cam? Uh, turns out I have to do that work thing after all.
I'll meet you at Joe's party?
Oh, okay. Cal, come give your Uncle Mitchell a hug.
好的 卡尔 过来抱抱你米奇尔舅舅
No. No, no hug. No -- where is he?
不 不要抱抱 他人呢
Which way is he coming from? Coming from?
Cam's sister's son is staying with us
because, well, you know, she's back in jail.
因为 你们懂的 她又被关进监狱了
But she didn't do anything terrible.
She just didn't understand
the rules of her probation from last time, when --
When she did something a little terrible.
But we're taking baby Cal back to
live with my parents on the farm.
Which is a good thing because he's not really a --
No, no, he's freakishly strong and off the charts size-wise.
真不是 他力气大得惊人 块头大到破表
On the charts. 99th percentile.
He has two teeth and I've seen him eat a whole chicken.
All right, I got to go.
Wait, where's my hug?
- Hug! - Go! Go! Save yourself!
-抱抱 -走 快走 快逃命
Our costumes are in the back.
Phil and I are going to Hero-Con
to indulge in our love of fantasy fiction.
Um, I-I've always wanted to go,
but I-it's a little nerd-forward,
and I was always afraid my family would make fun of me.
So I've asked Phil to keep it between us.
That's why we chose our secret warrior signal.
My first suggestion was to blow a Viking horn.
- Don't ever Google that, by the way. - I already did.
-对了 千万别上网搜 -已经搜了
This year, there's a panel, um, on our favorite show,
"Clash of Swords."
It's got a lot of graphic violence and female nudity,
but that's part of its appeal
to the fierce warrior inside every man.
My eyeliner keeps smudging.
Thanks a lot, gal at the MAC counter.
Who cares? We look great.
Just remember we left our trusty steed in section 22B.
I can't do it, Phil.
Oh, okay. I can write it down.
No, no. I-I-I thought I was ready, but I'm not.
不不 我以为我准备好了 但其实没有
I'm not. I-I've fantasized so long about coming,
and now that -- that we're here, I am...
I'm mortified, okay? I'm a 40-year-old man.
You're a 390-year-old Highland Norph.
And you're walking in with a lifer.
This baby gets us all-access and two free yards of mead.
Through those doors lies your destiny.
What's the Galderean word for "Bravery"?
- Again! - Lochtani.
Namu oponggi su-whi-gorth!
Have you seen Margaret?
I need her to clear my day.
I just found out you can get the Golf Channel online.
Nope, she's out sick again.
Oh, Dad, don't forget we're about to meet with
those guys from that start-up.
Oh, right, aspiring closeteers
seeking advice from an industry legend.
Yeah, just skip that part of your speech
where you say "I didn't choose closets --"
...We didn't know where to hang up our puffer vests,
so we just dropped them on some rando's desk.
Hi. You must be the guys from EzraVision.
Yes, I am Nick. And these are my guys.
没错 我是尼克 这些是我的员工
Jay Pritchett, obviously.
Fellas, take a seat. Make yourself comfortable.
Which one is gonna be holding the tape recorder?
You know what? Why don't we just make this quick?
We actually have to go hang out in a bike shop
that only plays Drake.
So here's our offer, best and final.
For your company.
We want to buy you out.
I'm sorry, we thought that you were here to just,
you know, get information.
Dad, if you would just let me speak --
Who do you think you are,
marching in here like a bunch of hotshots?
And why is nobody wearing socks?!
Ooh, lower the B.P., O.G.
We're actually trying to do you a favor.
Okay, I think you have this twisted.
This company has been around since before you all were born.
Except for maybe him. How is he part of this?
This guy? That's our over-40 diversity hire.
Listen, we have developed smart-closet technology
that's gonna make places like this obsolete.
We are giving you a chance
to get out while you're still ahead.
Speaking of which -- Get out of here!
Okay. Offer's good for 48 hours.
Two get out of heres?
You believe these punks?
I mean, what was with all this eye contact?
In my day, nerds had the decency to stare at their shoes!
Their website looks legitimate.
I mean, they've got some pretty great clients.
Wait a second, is that Margaret?
She's working there. They must have poached her.
Brainwashed her, is what they did.
Margaret is very vulnerable.
I've had to rescue her a bunch of times
from cults and an Amway pyramid.
Come on. Let's get our girl back!
You were all the way out of the Grand Canyon
before you realized no one was on my donkey.
But, sure, let's go save Margaret.
不过 当然 我们去救玛格丽特
Mom, my dinosaur party looks amazing!
But we're in that room.
Somebody must've done another dinosaur party right next to us.
Doctor Donna Duncan.
You remember my stepson, Digby.
He prefers nonverbal communication.
This is your party?
You see, I saw that you had signed up
to throw a party for Miss Jessica's class,
so I thought I'd throw a little party for Miss Elaine.
It belches fire and then shoots candy all over the room.
I'm not going on your road trip.
- What? - Luke told me that you've been hounding him
because you don't want to drive cross-country alone.
Oh, I'm just trying to do you a favor.
You're going to a conference in Memphis.
It's only 12 hours out of my way.
Hey, no need to be afraid.
Manny, I'm a pretty girl who wears low-cut tops.
I know what a scared 19-year-old boy looks like.
Dude, you brought a pan flute to the fifth grade.
You serenade girls who are way out of your league.
You're a baller. You got this.
- Thanks. - Anytime.
Manny. Manny, this is kidnapping.
曼尼 曼尼 你这是绑架
Wow, this office is huge.
Just placed it. This used to be Schweinberg's department store.
Wall of TVs over there.
I almost knocked down the display of fondue pots
when I saw they were letting Barbara Walters anchor the news.
You are not gonna regret taking our offer.
We're not here to sell.
We're here to bring Margaret home.
How did they get you?
Are you still wandering around alone in pet stores?
I've told you, that's the kind of person these cults target!
They have one of those machines that makes every kind of soda.
But you're diabetic. And a grown-up.
You know, since you're here, why don't I show you the new model?
Come here. Come over here.
Come here. This is the EzraVision Elitist.
Stand right over there.
Good afternoon, Ezra.
Good afternoon. How may I help you?
Ezra, full body scan.
- Here we go. - Scan complete. Searching wardrobe.
-来吧 -扫描完成 搜索衣橱
Based on today's weather forecast,
here's your optimal outfit.
- Just my size. - Yes, it is.
See, this is the future of closets --
automated, intelligent --
That's what they said about the "mood closet" in the '70s,
- and I buried them. - Very cranky.
Yes, but he has earned the right to be cranky,
because my father is a giant in this industry,
and he had to skip his ice-cream sandwich today to come here.
Nick, it's time for laser tag.
Yes! You know what?
No matter how it shakes out, you can keep the pants.
- Those are on me. - Let's go!
Let's get the hell out of here.
Hang on, Dad. I...
等等 爸 我
I don't like these dorks any more than you do,
but they might be onto something.
What are you saying? You want to sell?
No, I was thinking more of a merger.
I did some digging,
and they are two years behind on production.
They need our manufacturing,
and frankly, we need their technology.
Nope, not gonna happen. End of conversation.
不 不可能 谈话结束
I-I'm having a business discussion.
I am not negotiating a new bedtime.
I'm not taking on an outside partner.
Oh, I get it, 'cause you're not very good with partners.
I mean, you put me in charge, like, nine times,
but if it's an important decision,
I should just shut up.
Well, I can't help it
if I have a sixth sense about this business.
Closets chose me!
It's going great over there, huh?
What's this? Are these kids in trouble?
That's a different, fancier party than this.
The only fun thing I have is that pyramid made out of --
Ay, Cam, look what your giant baby nephew did!
Yeah, but you know, it's not his fault.
对 但你要知道 这不是他的错
He's three times the size of a child his age.
And you know what, some Tucker boys
have a young growth spurt that's no picnic.
I had to go to court to play Little League.
I thought I heard your voice
cutting through the joyless silence of this...
I want to say party,
but I'm afraid it will sound sarcastic.
You guys are friends?
Uh, well, we go to the same blowout parlor, yeah.
Wait a minute, did you pay for my Belizian blowout
just so I would shout the details of Gloria's party
so you could outdo her?
Oh, look at you catching on.
Kids, sorry to wake you.
But I'm gonna leave these wristbands here
in case any of you want to come ride our roller coaster.
The mechanical kind,
not the emotional one you've been on
since you came through these doors.
Not you, not you, not you.
不是你 不是你 不是你
Oh, God, this is worse than I thought.
There are so many eyes on me.
less because of all the cyclopses, but still.
You can do this. Elf up.
My two favorite Rhine maidens! Linda! Karen!
我最喜欢的两个莱茵少女 琳达 凯伦
Sold them a duplex.
Sweet home Alduzzarna,
it's the Foolmaker from "Clash of Swords" season five!
I'm only on season three. I feel lost. Help me.
我只看到了第三季 有点困惑 跟我说说
Oh, okay. During the Feast of Figs,
the Forest Prince banished Migolaf the Wanderer
to the outer reaches of The Forsaken Realm.
Migolaf waylaid the Iguodalan Dwarves
and cursed the high cleric to an eternity of feeble-mindedness
using the mighty scepter known as...
The Foolmaker. I got to get a selfie.
Ooh, careful! Careful!
Good thing it's not the real one
or I'd be cursed to spend the rest of my days
as a bumbling idiot.
Aw, are you gonna have a little porridge maiden
or a little warrior?
I'm not pregnant, dipwad.
Phil, why would you say that?!
I don't know, it just came out.
I mean, The Foolmaker --
You're not cursed, okay? It's a prop. It's not real.
你没有被诅咒 好吗 那是道具 不是真的
All right. The panel's this way.
Hey, man. Sick scale armor!
Oh, really? You think so? It's not too much with the cape?
真的吗 你真觉得吗 配披风不会太夸张吗
I wanted something that would go from feast to battle.
- Crushed it. - Yes!
Oh, we're about to take our annual Norph group photo.
- You coming? -Yes, yes!
Phil, we're taking a pic--
Oh, I'm sorry. I lost my friend.
Hey, most of us come alone. You don't have to pretend.
Oh, great, the Q&A's just starting.
That's a very, very good question...
- Mitchell? - ...and the answer to that is...
Scary ogre teeth. Where'd you get those?
I'm guessing my birth parents.
Why can't I just shut up?
Sorry, was I going on too long?
You're Joel L.L. Logan.
What's your question, friend?
I may have created this kingdom,
but we're all fellow heirs to it.
In that case, Mr. Logan...
Uh, I read on a fan page
there's gonna be a Mozgovian uprising in the season finale
that'll wipe out the entire ruling class,
including the gruesome beheading of Adebayo the Righteous.
Wait, a-are you -- are you gonna kill Adebayo?
等等 你 你要杀死阿德巴约吗
Who's -- Who -- Who's Adebayo?
谁是 谁 谁是阿德巴约啊
Oh, dear lord. It is true.
You fool! Why would you ask him that?!
We all stay off of spoiler sites for a reason!
This show is the only thing I've got going on and you ruined it!
They let you bring your spheres?!
They took away my tweezers!
This is the check Mrs. Nussbaum gave me
to drive her car to Delaware.
It's yours if you come with me.
- Okay. - Wait, what?
-好 -等下 什么
Well, Haley already warned me you'd be asking
and I thought, sure.
My favorite research institute is on the way.
And I could bring my windsock and barometer
for that new weather modeling project I've been noodling with.
I couldn't help noticing a lot of loose hairs on your pillow
and a stack of fully completed Sudoku books.
Weren't you supposed to be taking it easy this summer?
No school, no projects --
Yeah, I'm loving it.
What are the chances I open your dresser
and find a calendar with three X'd out days
and a giant red circle around the date school starts again?
Look, you're facing a challenge that scares you,
but you know in your heart you need to take it on.
Because it'll help you grow
and become a stronger, more balanced person.
Of course I know you're right, but it's hard!
People are out there discovering planets,
and I'm in here doing BuzzFeed quizzes.
Like if I were to be a Beatle, who would I be?
I'd be Ringo. Who cares, Manny?!
我会是林戈 谁在乎呢 曼尼
I may have lost Phil, but I found my people.
And the choreography was a snap.
It's basically a river dance, uh, crossed with the hora.
I bring news from the Catalina Room!
A dark shadow has fallen upon the kingdom.
The gods will not be pleased by this --
Just get to it, Gary!
Some dingus just spoiled the finale!
This shall not go unpunished!
Where have you been? I've been waiting forever.
I was angry. I needed to take a walk
so I could forget how pigheaded you can be.
You want to take another lap?
Dad, I am right about this.
Eventually Nick is gonna figure out how to keep up with demand,
and then where are we gonna be?
I know your style has always been just tough it out
and -- and beat back every threat --
That's not it, Claire.
You're right. We can't beat these guys.
A merger's the only long-term play.
I just don't know who I am in there.
They're all 25, zippin' around on their...
What's that make me, the cute old guy?
"Old man Pritchett's in the men's room.
Let's go watch him cuss out the automatic faucets again."
I can't promise that
you wouldn't feel old in that building,
but from the outside looking in,
I mean, you're the guy
who's holding his own with kids a third his age.
That makes you like the... the Tony Bennett of closets.
I told you I took an elevator with him in Rome, right?
Yeah, you did. And you know what,
in that building there's a bunch of people
who have never heard that story.
Did he have a Chihuahua with him?
- A mink. - A mink?
- A live mink. - Yeah.
- All class. - Yeah.
It's just a little intimidating.
You don't think they're gonna be scared of you?
Come on. Dad, look at them.
别啊 爸 你看他们
I don't care what ironic T-shirt their closets pick out for them.
Underneath, they're still nerds.
Yeah, this might be okay.
I want to see him. Let me through, let me through!
我想见他 让我过去 让我过去
You're the spoiler?
I didn't do it on purpose!
It was The Foolmaker!
The scepter is a prop, okay?
It's just the power of suggestion.
Mitchell, they want to take away my all-access pass.
- You've got to help me. - You know this scoundrel?
Uh, yeah, I think our kids go to school with one --
- Mitchell! ?- Okay yes, yes -- yes, I know him.
-米奇尔 -好吧 我认识他
- I know him! - They're monsters.
They've been pelting me with Chobani flail spheres.
Wait -- Ch-Chobani, like the yoghurt?
等下 乔巴尼 那个酸奶品牌吗
The show took on corporate sponsors in season four.
I helped you build a deck!
Okay, stop, stop it! What are we doing, huh?
停 停 我们在做什么
Is this how Norphs behave?
Actually, we're quite war-like.
Look, look, this man, he made a mistake,
看 看 这个人他犯了错
but if we banish him,
we're no better than the people who shamed us all these years,
who -- who picked us last for team sports,
who left us off of group e-mails about bar association dances.
We're all oddballs and misfits and weirdos,
我们是怪咖 奇葩 怪胎
but the great thing about this place is we all belong,
especially this good man,
who gave me the courage to conquer my fear
and become part of this community.
Let's welcome him back.
The red one, Gary!
Where is that dinosaur?
I certainly hope I don't
accidentally turn off the lights.
As a gay man, I know every party planner in town.
So I sent out a group text, and as luck would have it,
my friend Ronaldo was wrapping up a kid's Peter Pan party.
And I said, "Send me whatever you got."
I think I hear some music!
Where my lost boys at?!
What the hell is this?!
You said you were at a kid's Peter Pan party?
No, no, no. I said, "Kit's Peter Pan party."
It's his 11th time turning 50.
Close your eyes! No! Don't look at that!
Please, I'm so sorry!
Everybody out! Even the kids!
I can't fight this anymore. Go to the nice party!
Just follow the fairy!
She meant me. Everybody calm down.
她是说我 不是大家娘 冷静
Thank you so much for today.
I-I never would've gone through with it
if you hadn't inspired me.
In book the third, the high cleric
overcomes the curse of the Foolmaker
by being pure of heart
and goes on to be a great inspirer of people.
Perhaps you should be turning your passions elsewhere.
You're right. I'm going back to vet school.
It's about time I grew up.
I'm sorry, Gloria.
It's okay. I'm not mad.
What happened to the party?
Cam ruined it two ways.
I just wanted a nice party for Joe.
There's only so long that you can make things perfect for them.
Suddenly, they move on.
They wake up one morning
and they want to drive cross-country all alone.
I know you're scared, but your should feel proud.
You took kind of a...
You can say it -- a weird kid.
A weird kid, and turned him into somebody
so comfortable with himself
that he's willing to take on a pretty big adventure.
I wish I had that.
I mean, I was a weird kid
whose family only made him feel weirder.
I mean, it took until today to do an adventure
that I have wanted to do since I was Manny's age.
I-I went to Hero-Con.
Okay, if this is something you're into,
why haven't you ever told me?
I haven't told anyone.
I mean, I tried with my mom once,
but I chickened out and told her I was gay instead.
And I-I wasn't even sure at that point.
Why are there so many ways for a parent to break a kid?
- Hug! - No, no, no!
-抱抱 -不 别 别啊
Aw, you know, it makes me worried for this little guy.
I love my parents,
but they weren't exactly the best when I was...
Mitchell, I'm, uh, proud of the risk you took today
following your heart.
You should do more of that.
Cam, should Cal live with us?
Sorry we're late. Traffic, you know.
I keep telling you to try Waze,
but you're scared of technology, and you shouldn't be.
We're merging Pritchett's with a high-tech closet company.
And, Gloria, you speak often of your passion for ventriloquism.
It's been a long day, Phil.
This one needs more time.
Notes from the road.
Alternate title, The United States of me.
Fear -- Friend or Foe?
As children, we're taught to fear what can hurt us.
But as adults, we're expected to conquer what we're afraid of.
So what are fears?
Do they keep us alive?
Or do they keep us from living?
You're blocking the driveway. Hit the road already.
Okay, I'm going.
We want to go home.
I can't get this damn thing to work.
Oh no, it's one of those automatic sinks.
You know what? You should do a hard reboot.
Go back to the urinal and reapproach.
What's going on in there?
I can't even get a trickle out of this thing!
I find not thinking about it helps.
It makes no sensethat I'm waving my arms
like I'm directing a plane into a gate!
He's gonna break it,
like he broke the remote control.
This is... the paper towel thing is automatic too.