摩登家庭 第九季 Modern Family Season 9 第3集: Catch of the Day

上映日期: 2,017

语言: 英语

影片类型: 喜剧 / 家庭

导演: 詹姆斯·R·巴格多纳斯

演员: 艾德·奥尼尔 / 索菲娅·维加拉 / 朱丽·鲍温 / 泰·布利尔 / 杰西·泰勒·弗格森 / 艾瑞克·斯通斯崔特 / 萨拉·海蓝德 / 阿芮尔·温特 / 诺兰·古德 / 里克·罗德里格兹 / 奥布里·


台词
Good morning, sunshine.
早上好 阳光少女
How was your night in the yard?
昨晚在院子里睡得怎么样
Perfect. I like sleeping outside.
完美 我就喜欢睡在外面
原创翻译 双语字幕
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Haley lost her keys again.
海莉又弄丢了钥匙
She's been going through this irresponsible phase.
她在经历不负责任的阶段
翻译: 亲爱的小饭 油腻希 洗七里
Yeah, for 25 years.
是啊 长达25年了
I'm not gonna let her get to 26.
我不会让她持续到26年
Just to be clear, Claire's not going to kill her.
我要说明一点 克莱尔不会杀了她
翻译: 冰蓝 赛翁失马赛太公
Let me in! Please!
让我进去 拜托
校对: 新浪微博@赛太公
- No. - Please?
-不 -拜托
This is just like when we Ferberized her as a baby.
就像她小时候我们对她用费伯入眠法一样
让婴儿从依靠外在的安抚入眠逐渐转变为依靠自己入睡并且安睡整夜
Let her cry it out. She'll settle down.
让她哭够了就会安静下来
时间轴: 三水
Why?!
为什么啊
What if I just throw a blanket out there?
我扔一条毛毯出去怎么样
后期: 瓜瓜 总监: 怀念浓子的瓜瓜
Something that smells like us.
有我们味道的东西
You can't leave me out here! It's 2:00 in the morning!
你们怎么能留我在外面 现在是凌晨两点啊
打开微信 扫描左侧二维码或搜索公众号: 美剧炸了了解最新影视资讯字幕信息
I have to change for a party.
我得换衣服参加派对啊
Good night, honey.
晚安 亲爱的
家 庭
摩 登
第九季 第三集
- Morning, Phil. - No!
-早上好 菲尔 -不要
It's not a --
今天不...
It's not a good morning.
不是什么好早晨
It's gonna be an even worse day.
而且今天接下来还会更糟糕
Every morning, before I shower, I kick off my underwear.
每天早上我洗澡之前 都会踢起内裤
If I catch it, it's gonna be a great day.
如果我接到了 今天就会很棒
If I don't...
如果没有
No!
...disaster.
那就是灾难
I know that sounds crazy,
我知道这听起来很神经病
but it's an old family ritual
但这是我家族流传的传统
my grandfather did until the day he died --
我祖父一直这样做 直到他去世那天
a day -- you guessed it --
那天... 你猜到了
that he dropped his underwear.
那天他没接到内裤
I don't know what happened.
我也不知道怎么回事
It was a strong kick,
那一踢力道强劲
ankle flick was on point.
脚踝的摆动恰到好处
It is just a ridiculous superstition.
这只是个荒唐的迷信
Ridiculous? Let's review.
荒唐吗 我们来回顾往事
The day I Rollerbladed into bees --
我滑旱冰撞上蜜蜂的那天
I dropped my underwear.
我没接到内裤
The night I Rollerbladed into that campfire --
我滑旱冰撞上营火的那晚
How about you stop Rollerblading?
不如你别滑旱冰吧
How about I stop breathing?
不如我别呼吸了
When I miss my catch, the best thing I can do
我没接到内裤的日子 最好的选择就是
is just wait it out in a safe place.
在安全的地方等待今天过去
Unh-unh. Not today. No, no, no.
今天不行 不不不
We have a ton of errands to get done
我们有一大堆家事得处理
before we go see Steely Dan this afternoon.
然后下午要去看斯迪利·丹乐队
1972年成立的美国爵士摇滚乐队
- What time is that? - ?3:00 P.M.
-那是几点 -下午三点
- Why is it so -- - They are not young men, Phil.
-为什么这么早... -他们不年轻了 菲尔
Great. My phone is broken, and it's your fault.
真棒 我手机坏了 这全怪你们
How do you figure that?
这黑锅从何而来
Because I had to throw it at some squirrels last night
因为我昨晚得朝松鼠扔手机
to keep them from attacking me.
来阻止它们攻击我
You guys have to buy me a new one.
你们得给我买台新手机
Costing me money. It's already happening.
破财 霉运开始来了
No, it's not costing you money
没有 你没破到财
because we are not buying her a new phone.
因为我们才不给她买新手机
What?!
什么
But I need it for work.
但我工作时要用手机
I sit on a stupid golf course all day.
我得坐在白痴高尔夫球场中一整天
What else am I supposed to look at?
不看手机我还能看什么
You can have a new phone
等你买得起新手机
when you can afford a new phone.
你就能拥有新手机了
Phil, would you cut and toast those bagels?
菲尔 你能把贝果切了放去烤吗
With the knife?
让我用刀吗
Sweetie, here are the spare keys.
亲爱的 这是备用钥匙
I would like you to make yourself a copy.
你再去给我配一份
I can't wait to find out how you lose those.
我都等不及知道你会怎么弄丢下一副了
No wonder the neighbors think you're so mean.
难怪邻居觉得你很刻薄
You hear everything when you sleep outside.
睡在外面什么都听得见
Gloria!
歌洛莉亚
I was just out in the garage.
我刚去车库了
Is there anything you want to tell me?
你有什么想告诉我的吗
Uh, yes.
I got rid of your exercise machine.
我扔掉了你的健身器械
It was a piece of junk.
那个根本就是垃圾
You owe me and Chuck Norris an apology.
你欠我和动作演员查克·诺里斯一个道歉
But I'm talking about the dent in your car.
但我说的是你车上的凹痕
Did you hit something we can talk about,
你撞到的是无伤大雅的东西
or should I hose the front
还是我得拿水冲掉证据
and find a body shop that doesn't ask questions?
然后找一家不多问问题的修车厂呢
I didn't hit anything.
我没撞到东西
Someone must have hit me
一定是我跟乔在商店时
when I was inside the store with Joe.
别人撞到我的车
But talking about accidents,
既然聊到了意外
if your dog pees one more time in one of my slippers,
如果你的狗再敢尿在我的一只拖鞋里
I may accidentally
我也许会意外
leave her at the beach.
把她忘在某个海滩上
I would never let that happen.
我不会让这种事发生的
And don't lash out at her.
干嘛朝她撒气
If you crashed the car,
如果你撞车了
just tell me.
告诉我就好
I didn't.
我没有
And I don't appreciate being called a liar.
我也不喜欢被人说我撒谎
Are you kidding? You can never admit to making a mistake
你不是吧 你每次都打死不承认错误
and it drives me crazy.
我简直会被你气死
Remember that romantic trip we took to Rome, Indiana?
还记得我们的印第安纳州罗马市之旅吗
That's where I wanted to go.
我本来就是计划去那里啊
I meant to buy those tickets.
我没买错机票好吗
Then why did you learn Italian?
那你为什么学意大利语
知名的那个"罗马"在意大利
Mamma mia, Jay.
妈妈咪呀 杰
If I had been in an accident,
如果我真出了车祸
I will admit it.
我会承认的
Now, I have to go and buy more slippers online.
现在我要去网上买更多拖鞋了
Try not to crash the computer.
尽量别让电脑崩溃[撞]了
Hey, Cam. So, the towel girl at the gym
小卡 健身房的毛巾小妹
said that I look like an old Prince Harry.
说我看起来像是老版哈里王子
这位1984年生的英国皇室王子也有一头红发
Oh, come on. Are you eavesdropping on Pam again?
你不是吧 你又在偷听小帕了吗
Yes. I'm trying to, but you keep talking.
我在努力听 但你一直在旁边吵
She's on the phone.
她在打电话
Oh, baby, I miss you, too.
亲爱的 我也想你
If you were here, you can't believe...
如果你在这里 你不会相信...
No. No. Okay, that's just gross.
不不 太恶心了
- That's your sister. ?- Shh.
-那可是你姐姐 -嘘
...things I'd do to you.
我会对你做什么
I know you only got 10 minutes...
我知道你只有10分钟
10 minutes? He's on a time limit?
10分钟 他还有时间限制吗
She's talking to Bo in jail.
她在跟监狱里的博说话
Bo is Pam's baby daddy --
博是小帕孩子的爸爸
currently incarcerated back in Grasshopper, Missouri,
目前被关在密苏里州的格拉斯霍普
for punching a police horse.
他朝警马的脸上打了一拳
And now, I'm worried
现在 我担心
she's just gonna throw her future away by
她会放弃自己的未来
getting back together with him.
回到他身边去
It's crazy how weak she is with him
真受不了她别的时候都很坚强
when she's so strong in other ways.
只要一跟他一起就秒变弱鸡
I mean, she is the three-time winner of the country-fair mule drag.
她可是三届乡村集市拉骡子大赛的冠军啊
Step away from the pipe, Cam.
别偷听了 小卡
Come on. You're better than that.
别这样 你没这么没出息吧
No, I'm not, and neither are you.
我就是这么没出息 你也一样
You eavesdropped on that couple
我们看电影《BJ单身日记3》的时候
behind us at "Bridget Jones's Baby."
你还偷听坐我们后面的情侣呢
Oh, no, that wasn't eavesdropping.
不 我那不是偷听
We were in public.
那里是公共场所好吗
And do you think I really wanted to hear
你以为我还真想听
that moron's recap of the first movie?
那个白痴复述的第一部情节吗
Half those details were from "Love Actually."
何况一半的细节还说成别部电影的
Do you think I'm happy about this situation?
你以为我就喜欢这样吗
I wish I couldn't even hear her at all!
我恨不得完全听不到她说话呢
Hey, Boss, are you done listening to your sister?
老板 你偷听完你姐姐说话了吗
The boys are asking if they can use the table saw again.
兄弟们想知道他们能不能用台锯了
Okay, well, he's joking.
好吧 他在开玩笑
Before Francisco was a contractor,
佛朗西斯科做包工头之前
he did stand-up comedy in Guatemala.
曾经在危地马拉讲单口相声
Not just in Guatemala.
不止在危地马拉
Actually, I'm doing 10 minutes this Friday night at the --
其实我这周五晚上还要讲个10分钟的...
Oh, we have dinner reservations.
我们订好餐厅了
- Oh, gay holiday. Yeah, um... - ?Yeah.
-基佬节日 就是... -对啊
So, look, but I do want to talk about the sink before you leave.
你走之前我想跟你说一下这个水槽
Sorry, Mitch. That ship has sailed.
抱歉 米奇 木已成舟
Oh, also, did you bring the new tiles for the backsplash?
还有 你有带灶台防溅墙的新瓷砖来吗
Yes, they're in my truck. I'll be right back, Boss.
有啊 在我车里 我马上回来 老板
Great. Okay. Yeah. Go get those.
太好了 拿过来吧
Hey, um, I-I don't want to make a big deal about this,
我不想小题大做
but do you notice how he calls you "boss" and me "Mitch"?
但你有注意到他叫你"老板" 但叫我"米奇"吗
No, but I did notice
没有 但是我有注意到
...how one of his little pouches on his tool belt
他工具腰带上其中一个小袋子
is filled with jelly beans. How cute is that?
装满了软心糖豆 多可爱啊
The point is, he treats you like the actual boss
重点是 他把你当成是真正的老板
and me like I'm some, you know, ditzy trophy wife.
而把我当成像神经病花瓶妻子
First of all, I thought we agreed
首先 我们不是同意过
we had the rare dual-trophy-wife situation.
我们家的情况是罕见的花瓶双娇吗
- Yeah. - ?And aside from that,
-是啊 -除此之外
maybe it's because I'm a little more, you know, assertive.
还可能是因为我更坚定有主见一些
Do you think so? Because I actually have thought that.
你这么认为吗 其实我也想过这个
I mean, maybe I'm too passive,
我觉得我可能太被动了
- which could be why my career has stalled... - ?No.
-这可能是我事业停滞不前... -不
...or I agreed to have sex with all three women who asked me.
以及我曾三次同意跟女人上床的原因
- Okay. - ?Oh, it was so gentle...
-好吧 -那感觉好温柔...
?...and gross.
又好恶心
You know what? Well, now's your chance.
你知道吗 现在你的机会到了
You can show Francisco that you're the big dog.
你可以向佛朗西斯科展示你才是大佬
It's all about body language, okay?
重点是肢体语言 知道吗
Show him you can lead the pack.
向他展示你能领导一切
Here you go, Boss.
我来了 老板
Let me know which one you like best, all right?
告诉我你最喜欢哪一个 可以吗
Well, when we decide, we will let you know.
等我们决定了 会告诉你的
But first, I wanted to talk about the, uh -- the dishwasher.
但是首先 我想先来谈谈洗碗机的事儿
Uh, I wanted it over here on the left,
我说了要放在左边
but now, for some reason, it's on the right.
但不知为何 你把它放在右边了
I would like it on the left like I asked.
我要你按我要求的把洗碗机放在左边
Asserted?
听懂我的主张了吗
No, no, no, no. Eyes -- Eyes over here, okay?
不不不 眼睛 眼睛看这里 好吗
This -- This is my thing.
这事儿我说了算
Well, let me show you something.
给你看个东西
- Yeah. ?- All right, look under the sink.
-好 -你看看水池下面
Will do.
没问题
Go down. All the way.
蹲下去 到最下面
Okay, now, get in there.
好了 现在钻到里头去
Look up. Do you see that post on your left?
抬头看 你看到你左边的管子了吗
Wait. Ho-- Okay.
等等 好了
I can't move that,
我无法挪动那玩意儿
which is why the dishwasher needs to stay where it is.
所以洗碗机只能放在现在这个位置
Anything else?
还有别的问题吗
No, I'm good.
没有 我没事
Got some sawdust on your shirt.
衣服上沾到了一些木屑
It tickles.
很痒啦
Hey, kid. Wake up.
孩子 醒醒
We need to talk.
我们得谈谈
What?
怎么了
Your mom's car got a big dent in it.
你妈的车撞了个大坑
Now, I know you were with her.
我知道你当时和她在一起
Did you see how that happened?
你看到事情经过了吗
Someone must have hit the car when we were in the store.
肯定是我们在店里时 有人撞到我们车了
That's what your mom said,
那是你老妈说的
but if it was something else, like, I don't know,
但如果有其他原因 比如说...
she got into a little fender bender, you could tell me.
她出了点小事故 你也可以告诉我啊
Someone must have hit the car when we were in the store.
肯定是我们在店里时 有人撞到我们车了
I know she got to you, but, uh...
我知道她先跟你通气了 但是...
I need you to tell me the truth.
我要你跟我说实话
Is that ice cream for me?
这冰激凌是给我的吗
Could be.
有可能
What happened to your mom's car?
你妈的车到底是怎么回事
I can wait all day,
我可以等一整天
but the trouble with ice cream is, it melts.
但是问题是冰激凌是会融化的
I like it when it melts.
我喜欢融化的冰激凌
What do you mean you like it when it melts?
什么叫你喜欢融化的冰激凌
Nobody likes ice cream when it melts.
没人喜欢融化的冰激凌
It's like soup.
就像汤一样
You hate soup.
你讨厌喝汤啊
Not chocolate soup.
不讨厌巧克力汤
Look, we're getting off track here.
听着 我们都跑题了
Tell me what happened to your mom's car,
跟我说说你妈的车到底怎么回事
and you can have your ice cream.
我就把冰激凌给你
Hello, Jay.
你好啊 杰
Gloria, I...
歌洛莉亚 我...
Look at you,
瞧瞧你
trying to bribe a five-year-old.
还想贿赂一个五岁的小孩子
You should be ashamed.
丢死人了你
Let's go, Joe. Now that you're awake,
走吧 乔 既然你醒了
Mommy's gonna fix you a healthy snack.
妈咪给你弄健康的零食
Check her phone.
查她手机
Check her phone.
看她的手机
And leave the ice cream.
把冰激凌留下
It'll be nice and warm when I get back.
等我回来就刚好全化了
Oh, Phil, could you change the lightbulb down in the kitchen?
菲尔 你能不能换一下楼下厨房的灯泡
First you ask me to help clean the window screens.
你先是让我帮忙清洁纱窗
Now you want me to do something with a ladder and electricity?
现在让我去做爬梯子和接触电源这种高危工作
Have you forgotten about my underwear, Claire?
你忘记我内裤的事了吗 克莱尔
Look, I have friends whose husbands are mean
我有些朋友的老公人很差劲
or drink too much or don't come home at all.
或酗酒 或根本不回家
And in that moment, I envied those friends.
然而在那一刻 我羡慕死了那些朋友
Fine. I will change the lightbulb in the kitchen.
好吧 我自己去厨房换灯泡
You can put away this nice, soft, fluffy laundry.
你可以把这些柔软蓬松无害的衣服放好
- All right. - ?Don't worry.
-好的 -别担心
There's not even any zippers or buttons.
里面连拉链和纽扣都没有
Nothing sharp in there.
没有任何尖锐的东西
Wouldn't want you to lose a finger in a tragic folding incident.
我可不想害你出什么叠衣断指意外
I was putting away that harmless laundry
我在放好那些安全无害的衣服时
when I stepped on Luke's skateboard,
踩到了卢克的滑板
rolled out the screenless window, and landed in the hedge.
从卸了纱窗的窗口滑了出去 掉到了树篱里
But you're right.
不过你说得对
I'm sure it had nothing to do with the underwear.
我很肯定这跟我的内裤没任何关系
It's self-fulfilling.
这是自我应验
Phil believes something bad is gonna happen,
菲尔坚信会有坏事发生
so he makes it happen.
所以他主动让坏事发生
Ow! Paper cut.
被纸割伤了
Of course, today.
今天当然会这么衰了
Seriously?
不是吧你
Is this part of the underwear prophecy?
这也是内裤预言的一部分吗
Aren't you being a little dramatic?
你会不会戏太多了
Phil?
菲尔
Little bit harder to connect the dots on that one.
这件事就有点难解释了
But coincidences do happen.
但巧合时有发生嘛
Honey, it's fine.
老公 没事的
We'll just finish our errands on a day when you catch your underwear.
哪天你接住内裤了 我们再把事办完
Oh, do you have the tickets?
演唱会票在你那儿吗
They're in the car, but I don't think I should drive.
在车里 但我还是别开车了
Fine, but you are driving home,
行吧 但回家你来开
because today, I'm reelin' in the wine.
因为今天我要买醉
Oh, you've got the keys. Can you toss them to me?
钥匙在你那儿 抛给我吧
Yeah, here. No!
好的 给 不
No! Those are our keys! Stop!
不 那是我们的钥匙 快停车
Man plans to go to Steely Dan. God laughs.
有人想去看斯迪利·丹乐队 上帝冷笑
Damn it. Haley has our other set of keys.
靠 备份钥匙在海莉那里
Yes, Claire, I do think it bit me a little!
对 克莱尔 我真觉得被松鼠咬了
Gloria, I'm sorry.
歌洛莉亚 抱歉
You're my wife.
你是我的妻子
I love you, and I trust you.
我爱你 信任你
You can't reason with a sociopath.
跟反社会分子讲道理是行不通的
You lure them with kindness.
你得通过示好来诱骗他们
You lull them into thinking you're on the same side,
让他们以为你们在同一阵线
and then nail them with incontrovertible evidence,
然后用确凿的证据逮住他们
which I had.
而我已经掌握了证据
I also found out I'm still listed in her phone
我还发现 我在她的通讯录里仍然叫
as "Jay, Red Tracksuit."
"穿红色运动服的那个杰"
If you say you weren't in an accident, I believe you.
你说你没撞车 我就相信你
Thank you, baby.
谢谢老公
There is just... one more thing.
不过还有一件事
Is that my phone?
那是我的手机吗
Yeah. You've got a lot of interesting pictures here,
是的 你手机里有很多有趣的照片
but especially this one.
但这张尤其有趣
It looks like the front end of your car
看起来像是你的车头
is rammed into the back end of this car.
撞上了这辆车的车尾
Now, I'm not an insurance adjuster,
我不是什么保险理算员
but I would say that that's pretty solid proof
但我觉得这可以算是证明
you were in an accident.
你撞了车的铁证啊
That's not my car.
那不是我的车
But why would you take a picture of some random accident?
那你为什么会拍别人车祸的照片呢
To remind me of how precious life is.
用来提醒自己生命有多宝贵
That's your license plate.
那是你的车牌号
Do you even know who makes license plates, Jay?
你知道车牌都是什么人做的吗 杰
Prisoners!
囚犯
Are you gonna take the word of a convicted felon
你宁愿信一个重刑犯的话
over your wife's?
也不信你老婆吗
- Makes no sense. - ?Exactly.
-毫无道理 -正是
What is your problem?!
你到底有什么毛病
Don't you see what this is doing to me?!
你看不出这对我有多闹心吗
I need to know that you can admit when you made a mistake.
我得知道你犯错时能承认错误
I know there's good in you, Gloria!
我知道你心中还有一点善 歌洛莉亚
Here you go.
I -- I am so sorry.
我... 真是对不起
Cherish this.
好好珍惜它
It was the longest I've been without a phone since phones.
这是有手机以来 我首次那么久没碰手机
It was hard at first -- the twitching thumbs,
一开始很难适应 大拇指抽搐
the phantom vibrations, salads left un-Instagrammed.
总觉得有震动 没被发到朋友圈的沙拉
But then the strangest thing happened.
但之后发生了很奇妙的事
Have you ever stopped to smell these things?
你们有停下脚步闻过这些花吗
网络语LOL = 滚地笑IRL = 现实生活中
It's been years since I LOL'd IRL.
我好多年都没在现实生活中大笑过了
I even found an old book in the truck and started reading it.
我还在车上找到一本旧书 开始读了起来
The only problem was, people kept interrupting.
唯一的问题是 总被人打断
I didn't need a phone anymore.
我不再需要手机了
I just needed a quiet place to find out
我只需要找到安静的地方
知名长篇小说《杀死一只知更鸟》
how they kill that mockingbird.
来看他们是如何杀死那只知更鸟的
Hey, excuse me.
不好意思
Excuse me!
不好意思
S-Sorry to bother you while you sand, Francisco, um --
抱歉打断你抛光 佛朗西斯科[音似旧金山]
Oh, that's cute.
真有意思
I just want to revisit the paint color we chose for the cabinets.
我想再看一下给橱柜选好的油漆颜色
Do you still have the old sample?
旧色板你还有吗
- Uh, maybe. I'll go look. - ?Okay.
-也许吧 我去看看 -好的
Did you discuss this with, uh -- with the boss?
你和老板商量过了吗
- I don't have to discuss it with -- - Daddy, where's Daddy?
-我不必问... -二爸 大爸在哪儿
Oh. Yeah, what do you need?
你需要什么
- My suitcase. ?- Why?
-我的行李箱 -为什么
I'm going to Disneyland with Tricia's family.
我要和特里西娅一家去迪士尼
Sweetie, I already packed your suitcase.
宝贝女儿 我已经帮你收拾好行李箱了
Ugh, there's gonna be too many shoes.
他肯定给我打包了太多鞋
When did we decide that Lily could go to Disneyland?
我们几时决定了莉莉可以去迪士尼玩
I thought we were gonna talk about this.
我们不是说好要商量这事吗
She's missing one day of school.
她只会缺课一天而已
I missed half of the fifth grade because of a pig bite,
我五年级时缺了一半的课 因为被猪咬了
and I'm just as educated as anyone else.
而我的教育程度还是和其他人一样啊
Really? When we met, you thought you grew up in Central America.
是吗 我们刚认识时 你以为你在中美洲长大
Missouri is in the center of America.
密苏里就是在美国[美洲]中部啊
Okay. You also thought that the cavemen killed the dinosaurs.
好吧 你还认为是穴居人把恐龙杀光了
- Were you there? - Okay, t-the point is,
-你亲眼看过不是这样吗 -重点是
we should be making these decisions together.
我们应该一起做这些决定
Is this the one you wanted?
你要的是这个颜色吗
- Yes. - ?What's that doing back in here?
-是的 -为什么又拿那个来
I just wanted to revisit the original paint color.
我想重新看一下本来的油漆颜色
Oh, okay.
好的
- Asserting. - ?Good.
-有主张 -很好
Asserting.
有主张
Okay.
好吧
Can I talk to you for a second?
我能和你聊两句吗
Uh, what's up with the whispering and the laughing?
你们两个为什么说悄悄话还笑了
He just made a joke.
他刚刚讲了个笑话
At my expense?
笑话我吗
No, it was about his wife's cooking,
不 是笑话他老婆厨艺不好
which can't be as stale as his material.
但肯定比他讲笑话的水准强
What's this about?
你这是怎么了
You undermined me with Lily, and now I'm worried that
莉莉的事你就跟我先斩后奏 现在我担心
you're doing the same thing with Francisco.
你又和佛朗西斯科搞起了这一套
Mitchell, we are on the same team here. ?
米奇尔 我们是同一战线的
We both want a beautiful kitchen,
我们都想要一间漂亮的厨房
- and we both want it done as soon as possible. - ?Yes.
-我们也都想尽快完工 -是的
Stop working!
活都停下
- Drills down! Drills down! - I want you so bad.
-别钻了别钻了 -我真想和你在一起
If only I could reach out and touch you.
如果我伸出手就能摸到你该多好
Enough with the eavesdropping.
别再偷听了
- Come on. - ?Yeah. You know what?
-够了 -没错 你知道吗
If that little train wreck's getting back together with Bo,
如果这没救的家伙又要跟博复合
I need to deal with this directly.
那我就要直接出手
No, you have to stay here -- Ugh.
不 你不许去
Pameron Jessica Tucker, listen to me.
帕梅隆·杰西卡·塔克 你给我听好
You need to stop those dirty
从这一刻起
jailbird phone calls right this second with Bo,
不许你再往监狱里给博打情色电话
- or I am -- ?- Oh, my God!
-否则我... -我的天啊
You've been listening in on my private conversation?
你一直在偷听我的私人通话吗
You should be ashamed of yourself.
你真该为自己感到羞耻
Talking like a girl from Cricketsville --
打电话时像蟋蟀镇的姑娘那么恬不知耻
you were raised better than that.
咱家不是这么教育你的
You stay the hell out of my business.
你少管我的事
And stop looking down your nose at Cricketsville.
也少瞧不起蟋蟀镇
They got a Target now with a Banksy on the side of it.
人家现在也有连锁百货了 门外还有搬钱机
Yeah, right. I'm sure Banksy
才怪 我才不信涂鸦大师班克西
班克西Banksy与银行Bank谐音
drove to Cricketsville and painted on the s-
会亲自开车去蟋蟀镇到超市旁边去画...
Oh, you mean the ATM.
你指的是自动提款机
Well, what the hell else would I be talking about?
不然我还能指什么
Hi, my name is Cameron Tucker,
你好 我叫卡梅隆·塔克
and I would like to speak to one of your inmates.
我想与你们的一位犯人通话
His name is Bo Johnson.
他的名字是博·约翰逊
Sally Mae Jenkins?
萨莉·梅·詹金斯
Oh, of course I remember you! Oh, wait, but --
我当然记得你 其实呢...
I'm not surprised you're answering phones at a prison.
我一点也不惊讶你在监狱做接线员
You always had the prettiest voice in Central America.
你的声音一直是中美洲第一好听的
You called Bo,
你居然给博打电话吗
you ginormous mountain of stupid?!
你这个大山一样的白痴
Yeah, that's right, I did.
没错 我打了
And I told him you were getting your life together here
我告诉他你在这和你的宝宝
with your baby and he needed to back off.
慢慢步上正轨 不许他再来烦你
He didn't even know I had his baby.
他根本不知道我生了他的孩子
- What? - ?Now he knows where I am.
-什么 -现在他知道我在哪了
He's gonna come looking for me when he gets out!
他出狱后会来找我的
You ruined everything, you giant, horse-faced dummy.
你把一切都毁了 你这个大马脸蠢材
I'm not sure why every insult needs a size component.
为什么损我的每一句话都要加"大"字
Look, I'm really sorry.
我真的很抱歉
I had no idea that wasn't Bo on the phone.
我不知道你不是在和博打电话
Who else would you be so... intimate with?
那还有谁能让你用那么"亲密"的语气说话
Anybody who can pay three bucks a minute for nasty talk.
任何愿意出三美元一分钟听我说荤话的人
Okay, you're a phone-sex operator?
你是色情电话的接线员吗
My real-person modeling gigs haven't been paying the bills.
我当素人模特根本不能糊口
And I needed a job where I could stay at home with the baby.
我需要一份能留在家陪孩子的工作
I didn't even know that still existed.
我都不知道现在还有人打色情电话
Like, I thought it was all apps and the Internet now.
现在不都有手机应用和网络了吗
Not everyone leads
不是每个人
your coastal-elite lifestyle, Cam.
都过着你这种海滨小资生活 小卡
There's a whole country full of decent, hardworking Americans
这个国家里满是正直辛劳的美国人
who still want to torque their doolies on the phone,
仍旧喜欢对着电话撸管
you gargantuan snob!
你个庞大的势利眼
Just could've said "snob."
你只骂"势利眼"不行吗
Oh, get over yourself. I'm drawing the tree.
少自恋了 我是在画树
- Jay? ?- I tried to call you.
-杰 -我打电话你不接
Where's your phone?
你的手机呢
It's in my room.
留房间里了
I'm in a creative space right now.
我现在身在创作的空间里
She's cute.
她很可爱
I'm going through a little something with your mom.
我和你妈间有点事拎不清
I need your take on it.
我想听听你的看法
Hm. I'm excited to see what boundaries we cross here.
我等不及和你一起侵犯他人隐私了
She had a little fender bender.
她开车出了起小事故
I've got her dead to rights --
我也提出了确凿的证据
- And she won't admit it. ?- Yes.
-但她就是不认错 -没错
She never admits when she's wrong.
她从不承认错误
Thank you. I was beginning to think I was the crazy one.
谢谢你 我都开始觉得是我有问题了
Yeah, she'll do that to you.
是啊 她有这本事
I got IBS when she refused to admit that she threw out
就因为她不承认丢了我收藏的剧场节目单
my collection of playbills.
我得了肠易激综合征
I'm gonna pretend you said "the flu" and Playboys and move on.
我就当你说的是"流感"和《花花公子》吧
I guess I... miss you being around
我想我 蛮怀念你还在家时
to share that eye roll when she gets kooky.
在她行为乖张时能陪我一起翻白眼
I always thought you were rolling your eyes at me.
我一直以为你是冲我翻白眼
Well, that, too.
也有那种时候
At least she's worth it, right?
但能娶到她 忍这些也值得吧
Definitely.
绝对的
So, did she ever cop to the Playbills?
她后来承认扔节目单的事了吗
You know what?
你猜怎么着
Yeah, eventually, but only because she did something worse.
最后真承认了 但只因为她犯了更大的错
?It's actually a good thing.
其实这样挺好的
As long as she's denying the accident,
只要她还不承认出了事故
you know that's the worst thing she's done.
你就知道她没犯其他更大的错
Thanks, kiddo.
谢了 孩子
Hey, while you're here, I wouldn't mind picking your brain
既然你来了 我遇到了些问题
about a little problem I'm having --
想听听你的建议
Well, one of my characters.
是我笔下的一个角色
He finds himself at a crossroads --
他正站在人生的岔路口
Let's keep this special.
别破坏这美好的一刻了
Gloria, I've been thinking.
歌洛莉亚 我一直在想
That whole accident thing? I'm dropping it.
关于那起小事故 我不会再提了
You say it didn't happen, it didn't happen.
你说没那回事就没那回事
It happened.
有那回事
What, are you admitting it?
什么 你现在要承认吗
Yes. The accident -- it was my fault.
是的 那起事故是我的错
Please forgive me, mi amor.
求你原谅我 亲爱的
Where's Stella?
斯黛拉哪去了
- And, Francisco... - Yeah, Boss?
-还有 佛朗西斯科 -怎么 老板
...I guess we should take another look
我想我们该再考虑一下
at this cabinet color Mitchell revived from the dead.
米奇尔重新提起的这个橱柜颜色
To be fair, let's look at it in the kitchen light.
为公平起见 我们在厨房的光线下看看
So, imagine I'm entertaining.
想象一下我在娱乐宾客
I'm cooking. I'm throwing out delightful quips to my guests.
我在烹饪 在客人面前妙语连珠
Be honest -- does it wash me out?
老实说 会不会显得我没精神
It washes me out.
的确会显得我没精神
These are the kind of conversations
我辛辛苦苦爬上爬下
I snuck under the fence for?
就为了聊这种鬼话吗
Hm? ?Is that funny? Oh. ?It's in my act.
这个好笑吗 是我的段子啦
It's... I also do this bit, though,
我... 我还有另一个段子
where I go to a lumberyard and I meet this hot girl and --
是说我去木场然后遇到个辣妹...
Okay. I'm gonna stop you right there.
好啦 我得先请你打住
If the punch line has anything to do with wood,
如果最终笑点是跟"硬起来"的木头有关
you're better than that.
我觉得你没差到需要用三俗哏
Yes, I chose to be entombed in a wall
没错 我宁愿被葬入墙中
rather than admit to Cam that I was eavesdropping.
也不愿意跟小卡承认我偷听他
And, yes, I realize couple's counseling
是的 我也意识到婚姻咨询
should be back on the table.
或许可以再考虑一下
This color Mitchell wants...
米奇尔想要的这颜色...
You don't seem to like it.
感觉你不喜欢
I don't love it. But he does, and let's just go with it,
的确是不太喜欢 但他喜欢 那就这个吧
'cause it -- I want to make him happy.
因为... 我想要他开心
Wow. My wife wouldn't even ask me.
我老婆估计问都不会问我
You're very nice. He's lucky to have you.
你人真好 跟你在一起他很幸运
I'm the lucky one, trust me.
相信我 我才是幸运的那个人
You know, we start every morning off in this kitchen, and I --
我俩每一天都是从这个厨房开始 我...
I want us both to walk in here
我想要我俩步入这里时
and see something we each love.
都能看到自己所爱的东西
I do! I-I do see something I love!
有啊 我有看到我所爱的
It's you.
那就是你啊
Mitchell! ?Oh.
米奇尔
What in the he--
什么鬼...
You were eavesdropping.
你刚才在偷听我
I'm sorry. I-I stand by what I said.
我错了 但我还是坚持我那句话
Eavesdropping is wrong.
偷听是不对的
I-I should have just asked, uh, Francisco myself.
我 我应该自己问佛朗西斯科
W-Why is it you call him "boss" and me "Mitch"?
为什么你叫他"老板"却叫我"米奇"
It's okay. You can tell me. I-I can take it.
没事 你直说吧 我能承受
Well, uh, I can't remember his name.
因为我记不得他的名字
- What? ?- Really?
-什么 -是吗
You know, I keep wanting to say "Krang,"
我一直想叫"小康"
but I know that's not right.
但我知道他名字不是这样
Unless it is?
还是其实就是这个
- It's Cam. ?- It's Cam.
-是小卡 -是小卡
Okay. We have spent every day together, Francisco.
我们天天见面了这么多天啊 佛朗西斯科
I'm a little offended.
我有点生气啊
Oh. Well, if it makes you feel any better,
那这话听完你可能会消点气
my name's actually Fernando.
我的名字其实是佛南多
Oh. ?It does help.
的确是消了气
Ah! There she is.
她在那里
Haley!
海莉
- Haley! - Oh, my God!
-海莉 -要命啦
What is going on?!
这是什么鬼
Damn it! We need those keys!
靠 没有那钥匙不行啊
Got to get to the concert before the roadies
我们得在演唱会
pick all the hot chicks that get to party backstage.
他们选辣妹去后台派对前就到场啊
I'm confused.
我有点迷糊了
- Even back in the day, they weren't exactly... - ?Haley!
-哪怕是当年 他们也不.... -海莉
You know what? I'll go get them.
这样吧 我去跟她取
No. No. You can't.
不 别 不许你去
Um, not today.
今天不许
You believe in the curse, don't you?
你也相信诅咒 对吧
I don't understand it.
我也搞不懂啊
Bad things have been happening to you all day.
可是你今天一直像衰神附身
Maybe...
或许...
Maybe it's the underwear.
或许就是那内裤在搞鬼
I just -- I can't take a chance.
我... 我不能冒这个险
- You stay here. - No, no, no, no, no.
-你待在这吧 -不行不行不行
You getting hurt is the worst possible thing
能发生在我身上最糟糕的事
that could happen to me. ?
就是我的宝贝老婆受伤
Tell the kids I love them.
告诉孩子们我爱他们
Oh, honey.
亲爱的
Are you, uh -- Are you not wearing a bra?
你... 你没穿胸罩吗
All right, be safe.
好吧 那你小心点
Oh, my God.
我的老天
That's Dunphy.
那人是邓菲
50 bucks to the first guy who hits him, huh?
第一个打中他的人赢50块怎么样
Go.
开始
Haley!
海莉
Oh, Dad?
Okay, listen.
好的 听我说
I lost my car keys. I need the spare set.
我的车钥匙丢了 我需要你那份备用的
I know that makes me a hypocrite.
我知道我这样算说一套做一套
But you have every right to be angry with me.
你完全有权生我的气
How could I be angry when there's so much to be grateful for?
有这么多该感恩的事情 我怎么会生气
Is that a -- a book?
那个... 是书吗
I never would have picked it up if you had bought me a new phone.
多亏你没给我新买手机 我才有幸读到它
You've gotten a little gray. I like it.
你长了点白头发 我喜欢
Honey...the keys?
宝贝 给我钥匙
Sorry. I was distracted by those bumblebees.
对不起 刚才被这些黄蜂给分散心思了
Shh, listen -- they're talking to each other.
你听 它们在互相交流呢
Is that freakin' Gil?
是贱人格尔吗
Yes! Yes, yes, yes!
爽 爽爽爽
Well, that could happen any day.
这程度的事每天都可能发生
He's still moving! Machine-gun him!
还没死 让暴风雨来得更猛烈一些
Just hit as fast as you can!
用最快速度连发
Dear God! He's got me dialed in!
天啊 他这是要我亲命啊
Morning guys.
早安啊 两位
You missed a beautiful sunrise.
你们错过了美好的日出
You know, living without a phone these past few days
这几天所度过的无手机生活
has been such a gift.
简直像上天的恩赐
Colors are brighter.
所看到的颜色更鲜艳了
Tastes are tastier.
尝到的味道也更美味
Have you ever eaten a peach?
你们吃过桃子吗
I mean really eaten a peach?
我是指真的品尝过桃子
Well, most of it is in my short story.
大多数我都写在我的短文里了
The best part though, is really getting to know you two.
但最棒的部分 是我真正地认识了你们
Dad, you are so funny.
老爸 你真的好有趣
You have such kind eyes.
你还有最温暖的目光
And mom, president of a closet company?
老妈 你是一个衣柜公司的董事长
Way to go!
太厉害啦
I guess that's why it makes so hard to say goodbye.
所以分别也变得好艰难
Came in this morning. Luke set it up for me.
今早到的 卢克帮我设置好了
He really shot up huh?
他真的长大了呢
Anyway.
总而言之
In the weeks to come,
在接下来的日子里
try and remember that...
尽量记得...
That skank!
这臭婊子
No way!
别想