摩登家庭 第九季 Modern Family Season 9 第5集: It's the Great Pumpkin, Phil Dunphy

上映日期: 2,017

语言: 英语

影片类型: 喜剧 / 家庭

导演: 詹姆斯·R·巴格多纳斯

演员: 艾德·奥尼尔 / 索菲娅·维加拉 / 朱丽·鲍温 / 泰·布利尔 / 杰西·泰勒·弗格森 / 艾瑞克·斯通斯崔特 / 萨拉·海蓝德 / 阿芮尔·温特 / 诺兰·古德 / 里克·罗德里格兹 / 奥布里·


台词
Look at you, dressed like a girl. Why the change?
瞧瞧你 打扮得像个女孩 为何改变
Did the roller-derby team try to recruit you again?
旱冰队又想招你去了吗
No. I have a date with Ben.
没有 我要跟本约会
You don't seem too excited about it.
感觉你看起来不是很乐意啊
Well, I mean, he's really nice, and --
他人是很好啦 而且...
原创翻译 双语字幕
最新连载海外影视剧下载请登陆 www.YYeTs.com仅供交流学习 禁止商用盈利
Got it. You're bored, and so am I.
懂 你觉得无聊了 我也是
Break up.
分手吧
翻译: 亲爱的小饭 斑驳
I mean, I just want to see what else is out there.
我就想看看外边还有何种男人
- Does that make me a bad person? ?- Oh, my God.
-我这样有错吗 -天啊
Are we still talking about this?
我们还在讨论这个事情吗
翻译: 油腻希 洗七里
I solved your problem. Today.
我已经解决你的问题了 就今天
Crowded restaurant so he doesn't make a scene.
找一家热闹的餐厅 免得他大吵大闹
Just deep breath and say it.
深呼吸 然后直接跟他说了
校对: 水能载舟亦可赛太公
Fantastic news! Someone TP'd our house!
天大好消息 有人拿厕纸炸了我们家
Halloween fun is afoot.
万圣节狂欢正在逼近
时间轴: 三水
Dad, I really want to be excited for you,
老爸 我真心想为你感到兴奋
but Halloween?
可这是万圣节
We're almost old enough to vote.
我们都已经老到可以投票了
后期: 瓜瓜 总监: 怀念浓子的瓜瓜
Got me!
吓到我了
Worth it?
值得吗
打开微信 扫描左侧二维码或搜索公众号: 美剧炸了了解最新影视资讯字幕信息
Oh, what, you're too old for a little scare?
怎么 你长大就不能让你害怕一下了吗
The scariest thing is you could be a cheap pick-up line,
最令人害怕的是你离当外婆可能只隔了
two beers, and nine months away from being a grandparent,
一次搭讪 两瓶啤酒和九个月时间
and you just risked asphyxiation in the fridge.
而你却冒着窒息的风险躲在冰箱里
It's not like we're taking you trick-or-treating.
我们又不是带你们去敲门要糖果
There are grown-up ways to enjoy Halloween.
成年人也有成年人过万圣节的方式啊
How about pumpkin-boat racing?
南瓜船比赛怎么样
Cam used to do it in Missouri.
小卡以前在密苏里州常做
Take a giant pumpkin,
找一个巨大的南瓜
cut the top off,
去顶
gut it, hop in, sail away.
去瓤 坐进 开划
Let's do it.
来吧
I'm so married to this idea,
我爱死这个创意
it rolls its eyes when I make jokes in public.
爱它到我跟人说笑话 它会像老婆一样翻白眼
Take notes -- This might help you out with Ben later.
学着点 也许能对你甩掉本带来帮助
Mom, Dad?
老妈 老爸
You and Halloween have had
你们与万圣节
some great times together.
曾一起度过无数欢乐时光
But it's over.
但如今物是人非
You're way too old, and it's hard to look at.
你们对过节来说太老了 令人不忍直视
Wow, it really lines up.
跟你的事真的能串起来呢
I see what's going on here.
我知道怎么回事了
Thank God.
谢天谢地
I haven't communicated how big this pumpkin's gonna be.
我还没有说这南瓜有多大呢
You guys know Clifford -- the Big Red Dog?
听过童书《超级红卜卜》那只两层楼高的狗吗
We're not doing this.
我们不想玩
Plus, we all have dates.
而且 我们都有约会了
- But-- -I think they're past it.
-但是 -我觉得他们过那年纪了
That was kinda harsh, huh?
有点太残酷了 对吧
Oh, honey, don't take it too personally.
亲爱的 你别太往心里去
Me? That was directed at you, fridge monster.
我吗 明显是针对你的啊 冰箱怪物
You're the one who's obsessed with Halloween.
你才是痴迷过万圣节的人啊
Honey, you were the one who suggested
亲爱的 是你建议
getting a giant pumpkin
找一个巨大的南瓜
and having us sail away in it
然后让我们坐在里面划船
like a family of cartoon mice.
像是动画里的老鼠一家
All pumpkins are giant to mice.
所有南瓜对老鼠来说都是巨大的
There is no use in us arguing over who's more obsessed
我们俩争谁更迷恋一个
with a holiday that's behind us already.
已经离我们远去的节日毫无意义
Way behind us.
离我们可远了
All right. I got to get going, honey.
好了 我得走了 亲爱的
Yeah, have a good one.
对 今天过得开心哦
- Great. Buh-bye. - Mm-hmm, bye.
-很好 拜拜 -拜
Change of plans, fellas.
计划有变 各位
Hop in the car.
快上车
家 庭
摩 登
第九季 第五集
Well, well, well.
哎哟哟
You city folk
你们城里人
sure are late risers.
起得可真晚啊
I guess your rooster has a snooze button.
我猜你们的公鸡有个稍候再叫的按钮
It's funny how you say the exact, same thing every morning.
你每天都说一模一样的话好搞笑哦
Since our contractor took a break from rehabbing kitchens
由于我们的包工头暂停维修我们的厨房
- to rehab a gambling problem... - Yeah.
-改成"修"身养性去戒赌 -对
...Jay took over, and we've been staying here.
杰就接手了 我们就开始住在这儿
It's been a lot of Dad,
老爸花了不少时间精力
but it -- it just became too impractical
但是... 继续住在家里
to continue living at home.
变得太不方便了
We're gonna use another coat of varnish.
我们需要再涂一层亮光漆
The fumes shouldn't be too noticeable.
味道应该不会太重
- Okay. - Okay. Oh, boy. Lily.
-好 -天啊 莉莉
Oh, gosh! Okay, she's down!
天啊 她被熏倒了
It's been hard on us, living without a kitchen.
我们住在没有厨房的地方很不容易
It's been, uh, six weeks now since it burned down.
厨房烧了已经过了六周
Since you burned it down.
从你把厨房烧了
Since I burned it down.
从我把厨房烧了
And then maliciously made me think I did it
还蓄意让我以为是我干的
and leveraged my guilt for your own selfish gain.
然后利用我的自责谋取你的私利
Then maliciously made you think
还蓄意让你以为
that you did it, and leveraged --
是你干的 然后利用...
Honey, you got to stop beating yourself up.
亲爱的 你不要再自责了
Okay.
好吧
I was going to make Joe's oatmeal.
我要给乔做燕麦粥
Do you really have to use all five burners?
你真的有必要把五个炉子都占着吗
Well, it is called
这道菜就叫
Five Burner Meat Pie,
五个炉子肉馅饼
and it's the traditional dish back at the Halloween festival,
是我们那里的万圣佳节传统菜肴
so it kinda makes me feel like I'm there.
让我感觉像在老家过节
No oatmeal?
燕麦粥还没好吗
Guess I could put my beard on now.
我不等了 把胡子戴上吧
Come over here!
快来
Look, I'm sorry, but the God I worship
有点疼 对不起 但是我崇拜的上帝
does not let his roots show, so...
是不会露出自己的发根的 所以...
Two weeks ago,
两周前
we invited Mitch and Cam to stay here.
我们邀请米奇和小卡来这边住
You invited them.
是你邀请的
It's been hard on us,
对我们来说绝非易事
but it's part of our Colombian heritage...
但我们哥伦比亚人的传统
Your heritage.
是你的传统
...to welcome family
就是欢迎家人
and to never kick them out,
绝对不赶他们出去
even when they might have some boundary issues.
即便有时候他们也许有一些越界行为
I'm heading back to the job site.
我回工地了
Gonna let the guys knock off
我打算让伙计们休息一会儿
for a little liqu-or-treating.
请他们喝点儿小酒
Well, that is how you manage...
团队就应该这样...
...to stretch a job until Christmas.
才能把活拖到圣诞节才干完
Okay, you need to go over there,
好了 你现在过去
find out how long this is gonna take.
问问他还要修多久
I want my kitchen back.
我想把我的厨房要回来
Okay, uh, Dad?
好吧 老爸
W-We appreciate all your hard work,
我们很感激你的辛勤工作
but we're running a little past schedule.
但是我们的进度好像有点落后了
The job is done when the job is done.
活总得干完才算完啊
You want it faster,
你们想要快的话
next time, burn down a bookshelf.
下次烧个书架好了
Well, clearly, he doesn't know what he's doing
很明显他根本就不会弄
and he's too proud to admit it.
而且死要面子不肯承认
I know. I know.
我知道 我知道
My breakfast is a LUNA Bar for women.
我的早餐就是一根女人能量棒吗
Do something.
想点办法啊
They're family. What do you want me to do?
他们是家人啊 你想要我怎么办
You need to fire your father.
你得开了你父亲
Don't worry. I'll take care of it.
别担心 我会处理的
- Mitchell. ?- I swear to God.
-米奇尔 -我对天发誓
Promise me you'll get rid of them.
答应我 你会把他们赶走
Okay.
Make me believe it.
要让我相信你
I swear to you.
我对你发誓
I didn't have a date with a guy,
我不是跟男人约会
but rather a date with Destiny.
而是跟德丝蒂尼[命运]约会了
Destiny was the name of the casting director
德丝蒂尼是我参加的视镜的
I was auditioning for.
选角导演
I saw an ad for backup singers on a cruise ship,
我看到一则招聘邮轮和声歌手广告
and I knew it was fate.
我立刻知道是缘分来了
I have a killer voice, I love karaoke,
我有天籁般的嗓音 又喜欢唱K
and I'm great at partying on boats.
更擅长在船上派对
Haley Dunphy?
海莉·邓菲
Ahoy!
啊嘿[船员用词]
I speak "Ship."
我会说"船语"哦
Bon voyage, mateys.
一路顺风哦 船友们
I crushed it.
技惊四座
I even crushed the modesty after.
连我的谦逊都是秒杀全场
"No, thank you for the chance to sing."
"不 谢谢你们给我这次演唱机会"
Beth and Jessica...
贝丝和杰西卡
- Bye. - ?...you guys stay.
-拜拜 -你俩留下
Haley, we'll be in touch.
海莉 我们再联系吧
I had a good feeling about you two
知道你俩是
when I found out you were fellow Kappa sisters.
卡帕姐妹会的之后 我就很看好你们
Wait.
等下
You're all in the same sorority?
你们是一个姐妹会的吗
Only the best sorority.
是最棒的姐妹会
Kappa Kappa Theta!
卡帕 卡帕 塞塔
- Ooh, I wanna take ya - Okay, okay.
-我想要... -行了行了
This is why everyone hates college graduates.
这就是大家都讨厌大学生的原因
I will walk out that door,
我会走的
but at least show me enough respect to admit
但至少给我一点尊重
that this decision had nothing to do with talent.
承认这个决定根本和才华无关
Because everyone knows that I was the best.
因为众所周知 我是最棒的
Well, that took a lot of guts.
挺有勇气
Come with me.
跟我来
Let's take a second look at your audition.
再来看一遍你的试唱吧
? To hold me, to scold me ?
? 拥抱我 指责我 ?
Donna Summer - Last dance
'? Cause when I'm bad, I'm so, so bad ?
? 因为我不乖时 我真的很不乖 ?
See? I'm fantastic.
看吧 我超棒的
Mm. Keep watching.
接着看
? So let's dance, the last dance ?
? 让我们来跳最后一支舞 ?
? Let's dance, the last dance ?
? 让我们来跳最后一支舞 ?
Okay. I've seen enough.
好了 我看够了
Oh, no, no, no.
不 不 不
I had to sit through this whole thing.
我得忍着看完这一整段
You will, too.
你也别想跑
You got to remember, this was the '60s.
你们要知道 这是60年代的
Competition in the closet game was fierce,
那时柜橱生意的竞争十分激烈
everybody chasing after the next big storage idea.
人们都在追逐下一个大存储的点子
Historians remember this period as the "Space race."
历史学家称这段时期为空间战[太空竞赛]
美国与苏联在冷战期间 对太空探索的暗地比拼
- Oh, Mitchell. - Uh, Dad?
-米奇尔 -爸
Uh, I would like to see the kitchen.
我想看下厨房
I'd like to think that drinking beer makes my hair grow back,
我倒想喝啤酒能让我的头发再生
but life ain't fair.
但生活就是不公平的
Okay, uh, then w-we need to talk.
好吧 我们得谈谈
You guys want to take it outside?
你们先出去下
I need a couple minutes with El Rojo.
我得跟小赫哥谈一下
Rojo means "Red."
赫就是"红色"
Yeah.
好吧
I put things together quickly, unlike your workers,
我组装东西[理解]很快 不像你的工人
which is, uh, why I'm here.
这也是我来这里的原因
Um, Dad, if this is too much for you --
爸 如果这活对你来说太难了...
Now, wait a second.
等一下
You're not here to fire me, are you?
你不会是来炒我鱿鱼的吧
What? No.
什么 不是啦
Pfft! That's a strong word.
呵 那词太重了
I've done enough axing in my time
我这一生经历过太多炒鱿鱼
to recognize the look.
我知道你这个表情
Just do it.
干脆点吧
See, now, I was -- I was hoping
我 我本来更希望
this would be more of a conversation.
这更像是一场对话
Never been much for confrontation.
你跟人对质的功力一直很差
You weren't engaged to a woman six months in law school
你要是有本事打开天窗说亮话
because you were good at dropping the hammer.
也不会上法学院时 跟一个女的订婚半年了
Didn't you guys get a cat together?
你们不是还一起养了猫吗
Okay, you know? Y-Y-Yes!
好了 没错
You're fired! Okay?
你被炒了 行了吧
You're an incompetent man-diva.
你就是个没能力的戏精
The only thing you've ever built
你唯一建过的一样东西
is a closet -- I.E. a box of air.
就是橱柜 也就是个装空气的盒子
So get out,
你走吧
and don't let the door hit you
小心你的大屁股
on your ample behind.
别被门夹了
Nicely done.
干得不错
Maybe an unnecessary shot at closets,
不过对橱柜的攻击有些没必要
particularly from someone who was in one for 22 years,
毕竟你没出"柜"整整22年
but...
Yeah, I get it.
我明白了
I'll just grab my stuff.
我去拿我的东西
Oh, my God. Dad, it's -- it's done!
天啊 爸 你弄完了
- Yep. - ?Well, why didn't you say something?
-对 -那你怎么不说呢
Well, I saw you marching in here,
我看到你怒气冲冲走进来
loaded for bear.
感觉要发飙
You don't usually go off on people,
而你很少对别人发飙
so I thought it'd be good for you.
我觉得让你发泄一下也好
- How'd it feel? - ?I didn't love it.
-感觉如何 -我不喜欢那种感觉
But this kitchen is amazing.
但这个厨房真是太赞了
I only got one more thing to do.
我还剩一件事要做
I've got to seal glass in the door and hang it.
我得把玻璃装进门中 然后安装好门
Now, you want to go with the stain
你想要那个彩色玻璃
or the clear pane Cam picked?
还是小卡选的透明玻璃
Hmm. You know what? I-I bought this at a flea market.
你知道吗 我是在跳蚤市场上买的这个
They're not sure of the origin.
他们不知道是从哪来的
It either came from a 17th-century Flemish cathedral
可能来自毁于地震的
that collapsed in an earthquake
17世纪弗兰芒教堂
or a high-school production of "Nunsense."
也可能是中学生演音乐剧《修女》时的道具
Oh, I do love this.
我真心喜欢这个
Should -- Should I ask Cam if it's okay?
我是不是该问问小卡的意见
You almost just fired your dad.
你差点炒了你爸
You're not gonna go shy on me on this --
该不会在这事上跟我犯怂吧
You know what? You're right.
你说得对
It's this glass.
就要这个了
That's it. Hey?
这就对了嘛
You want to help me finish this off,
你想不想帮我完成这个
just the two of us?
就咱俩
You know what?
其实呢
Yes. Yeah, I-I would.
好的 我愿意
Let me just strap on this bad boy.
让我系上这个
So, all the tools have been laid out.
所有的工具都在地上摆好了
What next?
接下来呢
- Phil. - Hey, Carol.
-菲尔 -卡罗尔
I just found out my kids did this to your yard,
我刚知道我家小孩把你院子弄成这样
and we are so sorry.
实在很抱歉
Don't be. It's Halloween.
不用啦 万圣节嘛
It's one of the four biggest prank days of the year.
每年四大恶作剧日子之一
It's this, April Fools' Day,
万圣节 愚人节
and the day before April Fools' Day,
愚人节前一天
'cause no one sees it coming.
因为没人会有防备
What's the fourth?
第四个呢
Nice try, Carol.
想得美 卡罗尔
The point is,
重点是
you're gonna wake up one morning
有一天你醒来
and find out that your kids don't TP anymore.
发现你家小孩不再恶作剧了
Cherish these days with your adorable little vandals.
珍惜可爱的小坏蛋还作恶的日子吧
Well, I appreciate the understanding,
感谢你的理解
but I'm trying to teach them a lesson.
但我想给他们点教训
Oh, I'm gonna teach them a lesson,
我会给他们教训的
'cause it's payback time.
因为报仇的时候到啦
Pranks wars have begun.
恶作剧大战正式开始
Yes!
太棒了
Okay, kids.
好了 孩子们
I think Mr. Dunphy has better things to do
我想邓菲先生还有更重要的事要做
than spend his day in a prank war with you.
才不会浪费时间和你们恶作剧大战
Good news, boys. I don't.
好消息 孩子们 我没事
Okay.
好吧
We cannot take you trick-or-treating
你完成不了作业
if you don't finish your homework.
就不带你去讨糖
Didn't you two have something you wanted to talk about?
你们不是有话要谈吗
Um, so, Cam...
小卡
I'm trying to get Wi-Fi
我正在试着连无线网
so I can watch the pumpkin weigh-in
这样才能看我老家的
at the Halloween festival back home.
万圣节南瓜称重赛
You know, 25 years ago,
25年前
I raised the largest Wichita Thumper,
我培育了威奇托最大的南瓜
and the record still stands.
至今此记录还没被打破
I am so sorry.
多多包涵
There's no way to say that that doesn't sound braggy.
这话怎么说都听起来像小卡卖瓜
No, no, you just did fine.
不不 你这么说还好啦
Um, but I just wanted to say to you --
但我想和你说
You know, as with every pumpkin, there's a story.
每个南瓜 都有一个故事
It was a cold, bitter night,
那是一个寒冷的夜晚
when tap-tap-tap on the window.
窗户传来咚咚咚敲打的声音
Darn if it wasn't the vine of my pumpkin,
惊奇的是居然是我南瓜的藤
just out there trembling away.
在外面摇晃
That is a great story.
真是个好故事
Next thing I know, Daddy's pulling the pumpkin
然后 我爸就把南瓜
through the window, careful, of course, not to break the vine.
拉进了窗户 当然很小心 没弄断藤
And for months, it just became a part of our household --
之后几个月 它成为我家的一员
people stepping over it to get into the kitchen,
大家跨过它才能进厨房
blocked half the TV.
它挡住了半个电视
We thought "The Brady Bunch"
我们以为《脱线家族》
一部拥有6个孩子的重组家庭故事
was just about three lovely girls.
讲的是3个可爱女孩子的故事
Oh, but nobody complained.
但没人抱怨
Sure, I won Grand Champion,
当然 我获得了总冠军
you know, and the right to name the next tornado.
还得到下一个龙卷风的命名权
But the thing I remember most
但我印象最深的
are the sacrifices my family made for just me.
是我家人为我所做的牺牲
That's how we do family where I'm from.
这就是我家乡对待家人的方式
That's how we do family where I am from!
我老家那也是这么对待家人的
Oh, Gloria! I got to get this Wi-Fi.
歌洛莉亚 我得赶紧连上网
You saw that, didn't you?
你都看见了 是不是
I see everything.
人在做天在看
In 10 minutes, you're gonna storm the office,
你们十分钟后突袭办公室
everybody freaks out,
在所有人慌乱的时候
I go Wonder Woman, fight off the zombies.
我神奇女侠现身 击败丧尸
- Got it. - ?Okay.
-明白了 -好
My kids may be over it,
我的孩子们或许不感兴趣了
but at the office, they love Halloween Claire.
但办公室的大家喜欢万圣节克莱尔
It's one of the perks of working at Pritchett's Closets.
这是在普里契特衣柜工作的好处之一
Sure, you got to pitch in for coffee the rest of the year,
虽然接下来一年都得帮忙付咖啡钱
but on October 31st, the show is free.
但万圣节那天的大戏是免费的
- Everyone's on their way here to a meeting. - Great.
-大家马上就来开会了 -很好
Oh, so, no costume this year?
今年不搞角色扮演了吗
Apparently not.
应该不会
Oh, good call.
明智之举
Everyone was so sick of it.
所有人都受不了
The pressure to dress up!
变装压力太大了
You know, they begged me to talk to you,
他们求我来和你谈谈来着
but I said, "No, Claire will realize
但我说 "不 克莱尔会意识到
how miserable everybody is."
大家有多不情愿的"
- So no-nobody -- - I vant to drink your --
-这么说谁都 -我想喝你的...
We don't have to do it anymore.
我们不用再搞角色扮演了
Oh, thank God!
谢天谢地
You know, I cried in the mirror this morning?
你知道我今早照镜子时哭了吗
Guys, everybody. It's over.
大伙 大伙 都结束了
The whole thing's finally over. No worries.
终于不用再搞这一套了 别担心
Yeah.
是啊
I'm just gonna need a quick second.
我先失陪片刻
No, no, no. Stop, stop, stop, stop.
不不不 别别别
- Sorry. - Go.
-抱歉 -快走
So, if you could just,
请各位
uh, take your attention to the screen, please.
注意看屏幕
And... for the market research --
市场调查表明...
Please. Nobody wants this.
拜托 没人想来这一出
Oh, she's surprising us.
她想给我们个惊喜
It's a zombie attack.
丧尸来袭了
Yay.
万岁
Oh, but it's Wonder Woman to the rescue, yeah.
但神奇女侠来救我们了 太好了
Wonder Woman, help me.
神奇女侠 救救我
Okay, fun's over.
好吧 好戏结束了
Come on. Everybody --
快点 都走吧
Okay! All right!
好吧 好吧
Here! Take it! Take it!
给你 拿走 拿走
Ow, God! I am so sorry!
天啊 我太抱歉了
You're home early.
你这么早就回来了
I was into this awesome girl, Abby, from the club.
我本来与俱乐部一个叫艾比的女生打得火热
And tonight, we were gonna take things to the next level,
我们本打算今晚进入下一个阶段
which is, you know, sex.
也就是 你懂 性
Always classy to name it.
想个代号总是好的
But the one problem is she's super jealous
但问题是她特别善妒
and got this idea I was messing around
她貌似觉得我在和
with Carla from the snack bar.
小卖部的卡拉胡搞
Which I was.
我的确有
So I had to break it off with Carla
所以我得在去见艾比前
before seeing Abby.
和卡拉分手
How'd it go?
顺利吗
I got a major tong lashing.
她用食品夹把我一顿抽
What the heck?
搞什么
Carla, calm down! Wait -- Oh!
卡拉 冷静点 等一下
Wait, wait, I can explain!
等等 让我解释
I can explain! Somebody help!
让我解释 谁来救救我
So I covered up my bruises
于是我遮住我的淤伤
and checked for any snack-bar-related evidence
清理了所有和小卖部有关的证据
before seeing Abby.
才去见艾比
Sorry I'm late.
抱歉我迟到了
I got whiplash passing a picture of you.
我传你的照片时扭伤了脖子
Things couldn't have been going any better...
事情进展得不能更顺利了
My dad is going to hate you.
我爸肯定会讨厌死你
...and then they got better.
然后变得更顺利了
Until...
直到...
Mustard?
芥末
You hate mustard.
你分明讨厌芥末
You son of a bitch! You were with Carla!
你个王八蛋 你又去和卡拉胡搞了
I knew there was one perfect thing
我知道有完美金句
I could say to save it.
说出来就能挽救大局
Baby, I just snack with her.
宝贝 她不过是小卖部零食
You're the main course.
你才是主菜
I did not come up with that thing.
我真的只是引用别人的话
All right.
好了
Looks good.
看起来不错
You know, I helped build that.
这是我帮忙装好的
I-I feel like a real construction guy.
我感觉像个真的建筑工人呢
I kinda wish a woman would walk by
我有点希望此时能路过个女人
so I could objectify her.
好让我说点物化女性的话
It's the best.
那最爽了
Listen, we just finished the project.
我们刚刚完成了一项工程
Now, come on. Take a victory lap with your old man.
来 和你老爹去逛一圈庆祝胜利
I'd love to.
乐意奉陪
Hey, and I defy Cam to find
我倒要看看小卡
anything wrong with that window.
能挑出这玻璃什么毛病来
It really gives your kitchen some flair.
它真的为你的厨房添色不少
Oh, hey, Gloria.
歌洛莉亚
I finally found a great spot for the Wi-Fi
我终于找到无线网信号最好的地方了
just in time for the pumpkin weigh-in.
正好赶上南瓜称重
You sit here while I take a bath?!
我泡澡时你居然坐在这吗
I'm gay? Hello?
你忘了我是基吗
I'm more fixated on that fabulous robe.
我对你这件华美的浴袍更感兴趣
I am so borrowing that for my next bath.
我下次泡澡时绝对要借来穿
You didn't drain the water yet, did you?
你洗澡水还没放掉吧
Okay, that's it!
好吧 够了
I can't handle you anymore!
我再也受不了你了
You take over my kitchen!
你占据我的厨房
I turn around, and you're in my face!
我一转身 你就蹬鼻子上脸
Siamese twins have more privacy than me!
连体婴都比我有更多个人空间
Get out of my house, and never come back!
从我家滚出去 再也别回来了
Well, the kitchen's done.
厨房装修好了
So I guess I can move back home.
看来我能搬回家去了
He couldn't have sent you that message one minute ago?
他就不能早一分钟发这条信息吗
It's okay, Gloria.
没关系的 歌洛莉亚
It's better that I know how you actually feel.
我知道你的真实想法比较好
Well, there seems to be a lot of hubbub
南瓜节的主席台上
on the dais at pump' fest.
似乎有不小的骚动
Why are they gathering all the living mayors?
他们为什么要聚集还在世的历任市长
It's official.
正式宣布
Ms. Darla Bowater has shattered the old pumpkin record.
达拉·宝华特女士打破了旧南瓜记录
Okay.
好吧
I'm sure you'll understand, under these circumstances,
我想你能理解 发生这些事
I'll just quickly gather my things, take that bath,
我会快速收拾东西 泡个澡
and... be on my way.
然后... 走人
Who is it?
是哪位
Special delivery from UPS.
联合快递特快邮件
United Prank Service.
联合恶作剧快递
I went to the history books for this one,
这个恶作剧我参考了历史书
all the way back to the first practical joke --
追溯到恶作剧鼻祖
the Trojan Horse.
特洛伊木马
Only I swapped out silly string for broad swords
不过我用喷彩代替了大刀
and laughter for murder.
用欢笑代替了谋杀
Okay.
好的
You guys want to prank?
你们喜欢恶作剧是吧
Let's prank.
那就来恶作剧
Oh, no.
Oh, no!
No!
Nooooo!
No! God!
不 老天爷啊
They just put some toilet paper in your yard.
他们不过是朝你院子里扔了点厕纸
Why would he do this to us, Mother?
他为什么要这么对我们 妈妈
It was an accident!
这是场意外
Where's Fluffy?! I can't find Fluffy!
毛毛哪去了 我找不到毛毛了
Don't worry! I'll help you find her!
别担心 我帮你找
My eye!
我的眼睛
Go in the house! Go in the house!
快进屋去 快进屋去
Oh, why do I feel so energized?
我为什么觉得这么有活力
Because you honored your primal male instinct to build.
因为满足了建造这份原始男性本能
- Yeah. ?- Where once lay barren fields,
-是啊 -曾经贫瘠的荒原
because of men like us,
因为像我们这样的男人
now gleaming cities stand.
如今成了灯火辉煌的都市
And what is a city, but --
都市又是什么 不过是...
A closet for civilization.
装载人类文明的衣柜
This is the proudest damn moment of my life.
这是我这辈子最为你骄傲的一刻
That brings back painful memories.
那让我想起了痛苦的回忆
Huh, seems to be turning down our street.
好像拐到我们家那条街去了
Well, what do you know?
谁能想到啊
This crystal in the middle acted like a magnifying glass.
中间这块水晶像放大镜一样聚光了
- Mr. Pritchett... ?- Yeah.
-普里契特先生 -嗯
...this is the second time in two months.
过去两个月内已经发生了两次
We love that you're a fan,
很开心你这么喜欢我们
but maybe you should just buy a calendar.
但或许你买本消防员日历就好了
I'm sorry, Mitch. I feel really bad.
抱歉 米奇 我也很难过
Do you think maybe you could tell Cam?
你觉得能不能由你来告诉小卡
Oh, I don't work here anymore.
我已经不在这儿打工了
Phil? Honey?
菲尔 亲爱的
Claire.
克莱尔
There's no sense in hiding it.
没有瞒下去的道理了
I did buy a giant pumpkin.
我确实买了个巨型南瓜
I puzzled that one out.
我看出来了
You're right.
你说得对
I'm a Halloween-obsessed child-man.
我就是个痴迷万圣节的大孩子
Do you want to feel better?
你想好过一点吗
I took zombies to work, okay?
我把丧尸带去公司了 好吗
And it died so hard.
这馊主意死得好惨
Oh, my God, to be pitied by Margaret...
真要命 被玛格丽特同情
I guess the kids are right.
我想孩子们是对的
It's time for us to start acting like adults.
我们是时候有个成年人的样子了
由政府提供税收支持个人自愿参与的退休储蓄计划
We can have dinner parties, see plays, open IRAs.
我们可以办晚宴 看舞台剧 开个人退休帐户
We have IRAs, right?
我们有个人退休账户的吧
Rude awakening, Claire.
当头棒喝啊 克莱尔
You think you're the fun-loving dad,
你以为自己是有趣有爱的爸爸
putting smiles on faces, keeping childhood alive.
给人带来快乐 让童真不死
Turns out you're just the weird guy
结果你只是一个坐在南瓜坦克里
barreling down a driveway in a pumpkin-tank.
冲下人家车道的怪叔叔
Phil, I command you to stop speaking like that.
菲尔 我命令你不许再说这种话
Please let me have my feelings for one second.
请你让我沉浸在悲伤中一会行吗
No, come on, turn around. Seriously. It's good.
不 快转过来 真的 画面很美
Wonder Woman?
神奇女侠吗
Yes! And I have plans for you!
正是 我特意为你准备的
Who cares what anybody thinks?
谁管其他人怎么想啊
Screw the kids. Screw everybody at work.
孩子们吃屎吧 公司的人都吃屎吧
We'll give up Halloween when we are good and ready.
万圣节等我们哪天想放弃了才放弃
Who are you guys supposed to be?
你们扮的是谁
Who your parents wish they were.
你们爸妈也想成为的牛人
Ending things with Ben did not go well.
和本分手进行得并不顺利
He kept giving me openings,
他一直在帮忙我起头
and I just couldn't pull the trigger.
但我就是狠不下心说出口
Why do I keep eating this stale bread?
我干嘛一直吃这块不新鲜的面包啊
Do you ever do that?
你也会这样吗
Like, you know something's bad,
明知有样东西不好
but you just keep going in for more
但你还是要个不停
'cause it's the only thing in front of you?
因为这是你面前唯一的选择
Uh, hey, this is gonna sound really gross,
对了 有件事挺恶心的
but I have a Band-Aid on my hand,
我手上贴了张止血贴
it's on a super-hairy spot, and I know it's gonna sting.
在手毛特别浓密的地方 我知道一定会很痛
Would you take it off for me, please?
你能不能帮我撕下来 拜托啦
And do it fast. If I'm gonna be hurt,
撕快一点 如果我注定会痛
I just want to get it over with.
那长痛不如短痛
I want to break up.
我想分手
Ready to order?
可以点菜了吗
Uh, did you not just hear what I said?
你刚才有没有听见我说的话
- No. What? - I want to break up.
-没有 什么 -我想分手
So, I'm thinking nachos. What about you?
我想点玉米片 你呢
- Oh, my God! I'm breaking up with you! - What?
-我的天 我在和你分手 -什么
I'm so sorry.
很抱歉
It's been really great, but now it's over.
这段时间很开心 但现在该结束了
Please don't make a scene.
求你不要一哭二闹
I mean, I'm sad, but I get it.
我很难过 但我理解
We're in different phases of our lives,
我们正处于人生不同的阶段
and you live an hour away from me now,
你现在住在离我一小时以外的地方
and I made out with my ex
我上周末也和我前女友
last weekend at the closet convention,
在衣橱大会上亲热了
so how committed am I?
所以我又有多忠贞呢
Plus that tension between you and Muh-ma -- Oy.
加上你和我妈咪之间的矛盾
You cheated on me?!
你背着我偷吃了
We were drunk, okay?
我们当时喝醉了 好吗
And she was really upset
而且她很难过
'cause she had to drop her daughter off at college.
因为她得把孩子送去大学
You suck!
你个渣男
To think I wasted so much time
我竟然浪费了那么多时间
on such a weepy, clingy, Pez-eating snore!
在你这个爱哭粘人幼稚烂人身上
I can't believe I sat there and pretended to be a doll
真不敢相信我曾乖乖坐在那儿扮芭比
as you brushed my hair!
让你梳我的头发
You are almost the worst boyfriend I have ever had!
你几乎是我交过最差劲的男朋友了
Okay, Alex wins most embarrassing day.
最尴尬的一天奖得主是艾丽克斯
Not so fast.
先别急着颁奖
Look at these two ding dongs.
瞧这俩傻子
Is that Mom and Dad in a giant "punkin"?
那是爸妈在一个巨型南瓜里吗
Well, at least we didn't get dragged into it this time.
至少这次我们没被拉去
Thank God.
谢天谢地
Yep. Because we got stuff goin' on.
对 因为我们都是有生活的人
Cam...
小卡
I'm sure that there were better ways
我刚刚其实可以
for me to say what I said.
表达得更好一些
You're packing my face creams.
我的面霜你也要带走啊
No need to apologize.
不用道歉
I know I crossed boundaries.
我知道我踩过界了
It's how I grew up.
我从小的环境就这样
Nobody had secrets from anybody.
所有人之间都没有秘密
At high-school parties, we just played Dare.
高中派对时 "真心话大冒险"我们只玩大冒险
I know the feeling.
我懂这种感觉
I grew up in a small town myself.
我也是在一个小镇上长大的
We had to bring in a stranger
我们还得特意带陌生人到镇上
so that the children could learn who not to talk to.
好让孩子们学会不能和谁说话
You know, I have to say, sometimes your hometown stories
我必须说 你的家乡往事
sound a little made-up.
有时听起来是编的
I am sorry that I was mean,
我很抱歉我说了那些恶毒话
and I am sorry that you don't have the biggest pumpkin anymore.
我也很抱歉你不再拥有最大的南瓜了
It's not even about having the record anymore.
其实这已经和保持记录无关了
I-It's just how I kept the small town alive in me.
那记录是我让小镇生活留在心中的方式
- Probably dumb. - ?No.
-或许很蠢吧 -才不是
It's hard when you have to leave a place you love.
离开自己热爱的地方 是很艰难的事
Every year, it feels like more of it fades away.
每一年 那地方好像都在渐渐消失
I get very sad because I know
我会很难过 因为我知道
that my accent is almost completely gone.
我的口音几乎完全消失了
Anyway, I-I should go.
总之 我该走了
Wait. I have something for you.
等等 我有东西给你
A pumpkin seed?
一颗南瓜籽
I think it can be next year's record-breaker.
我想或许明年它也能打破记录
Oh, my... Gloria...
天啊 歌洛莉亚
Okay!
好了
- All right, all right! - Oh, my gosh!
-好啦 好啦 -天啊
Oh, my God!
老天啊
We're floating in a vegetable!
我们乘着蔬菜浮在水面上了
In a giant vegetable!
乘着巨型蔬菜
As families get older, you have two options --
当家人年纪渐长 你有两个选择
you can force everyone together,
你可以强迫大家在一起
or you can accept that traditions die
也可以接受传统会消失
and people move on.
人会往前迈进
Unless you happen to have a giant pumpkin.
除非你刚好有个巨型南瓜
Hey! What are you guys doing here?
你们来这儿干什么呢
We got the hint.
我们收到暗示了
It wasn't gonna be fun unless we were here, too,
我们也来玩 你们才会开心
so we tracked your phones.
所以我们追踪了你们的手机
Cam says the record
小卡说
for the North American 50-yard pumpkin dash is 18 seconds.
北美45米南瓜赛艇的记录是18秒
- I think we can do it! ?- Oh, I know we can do it!
-我们应该能做到 -我们肯定能做到
- Time us! - ?Let's do it!
-给我们计时 -开划
- Okay! - Okay!
-好的 -好咧
You can do it! Beat that 18 seconds!
你们能做到 打破18秒记录
You're so close!
你们快到了
Wait! There -- row it there!
等等 划到那边去
Okay. Did we do it? Was that 18 seconds?
我们成功了吗 花了18秒吗
5 minutes.
是5分钟
Still close!
好接近呀
All right, here's what happened.
我们就这么说故事始末
Right after you sent the text saying the kitchen was done,
在你刚发完短信说厨房弄好后
the inspector popped in for a little surprise visit.
检查员忽然上门突击检查
Now, it's before violations.
现在厨房的装修不合规
Which pushes us back for a couple of weeks now.
我们得迟几周才能完工
Blame me. I can take the heat from Cam.
说是我的错 我可以承受小卡的怒火
You stay with Claire.
但你们得去克莱尔家住
- 'Cause I can't take the heat from Gloria. - Right.
-因为我承受不住歌洛莉亚的怒火 -好
Not a word. I do all the talking.
你一个字都别说 都交给我
Because you're a terrible liar.
因为你很不会说谎
Hey, there you are. Good day?
你来了 今天怎么样
What...what's that supposed to mean?
你这是什么意思
You only say that when you're guilty.
你只有心虚的时候才会嗯哼
You smell like smoke.
你身上有烟的味道
Oh my god. Did you burn the kitchen down again?
天啊 你又把厨房烧毁了吗
It's like you don't want me to help you.
你是不是就不想我帮你啊