Ready for your big camping trip?
You sure you got everything you need?
Everything but the one thing I'd truly be lost without...
Can we trade cars?
I recently left my real-estate partners
最新连载海外影视剧下载请登陆 www.YYeTs.com仅供交流学习 禁止商用盈利
to strike out on my own.
But before facing the wilds of the housing market,
I'm gonna boost my confidence
with six rugged nights of camping at Yosemite National Park
and one at the Kawayu Lodge.
I'm concerned, of course,
about readjusting to civilization,
so I've reserved the garden suite
in case I'm more comfortable sleeping outside.
Only because I am picturing myself
in a line of people sweeping the woods with flashlights,
打开微信 扫描左侧二维码或搜索公众号: 美剧炸了了解最新影视资讯字幕信息
are you sure a week in the woods is a good idea?
Sweetheart, if anything, I'm over prepared.
亲爱的 要说有问题 那大概是准备过头了
I have two weeks worth of food,
Oh, don't wave that thing around in the house.
Give me a little bit of credit.
I'm not gonna shoot off a flare gun in the house.
Hey, Lily, the library is saying
that "Stripey the Zebracorn"
is two months overdue?
What -- what's that about?
We have a new librarian,
and she's a little...
She's been drunk e-mailing a lot.
Lily, go find that book.
And the fine's coming out of your allowance.
You'll really believe anything, won't you?
Um, hey, remember when you had your grandmother
ship us a certain Appalachian hex poppet
- because you thought our house had evil spirits? - Okay, yeah.
Do you have a better explanation
of why there were cries and giggles
- echoing through our walls? - ?Yes.
Our contractor found this in one of the vents.
Yeah, I think it's one of those dolls
they give high-school girls
who are high risk for getting pregnant?
When would one of those girls have been in this house?
I think I was babysitting Lily,
and I kinda remember it turning into a party situation.
You know, I sort of recall the air conditioning blasting
and I had to shove something in the vent to block it,
which was pretty responsible,
considering my friend Alicia
brought her actual baby there.
So many teens going down the wrong path.
I see it every day.
Uh, seems like you're trying to change the subject
from you being gullible.
Only because I have a more pressing concern.
Today, I have to oversee my first detention
as acting vice principal,
and I'm -- I've just been racking my brain
of how I'm gonna reach these kids.
It's, uh, detention.
How about "Shut up and do your homework"?
What's -- what's wrong with her?
Should I get the hex poppet?
I'm just cry-talking.
- I threw my neck out changing Cal. - ?Oh, no.
-我给卡尔换衣服的时候 脖子扭了 -糟糕
Now whenever I move, all of me comes with it.
Oh, gosh. Oh, you know what?
Why don't you let us take baby Cal,
and you go get yourself a rubdown.
Shouldn't be but a few hours.
Hey, are you an even bigger rube than I thought?
There's nothing wrong with her neck.
- Oh my God, the baby! - ?What?!
-我的天啊 宝宝 -怎么了
He -- he winked at me.
You're gonna love it, Joe.
My dad took me to an air show like this
for my 12th birthday.
We saw Blue Angels, fighter jets,
- Something got bombed? - Well, my dad.
He got in a drinking contest with some fly boys.
But that just made it extra fun,
'cause I got to drive us home.
Joe, why is the fort
still in the middle of the living room?
- I need it. For what? Apaches?
-我需要 -需要干嘛 防印第安人吗
Are you being attacked?
I've told you three times already.
If you don't do it now,
we're not going to the air show.
Wait, no fair! Why am I being punished?
等等 不公平 为什么要惩罚我
Oh, I didn't expect you guys to be home.
Uh, we're just gonna use the pool.
This is Dr. Karen Fisk.
She's a movement teacher at my school.
Your son is very talented.
Well, it's always very nice
to meet one of Manny's teachers.
Why don't I get us something to drink
and maybe some delicious brownies
that I was about to throw away
because they're only for the good children!
Keep your brownies!
It's cute, that grown-up routine
Manny's putting on to impress his girlfriend.
She's not his girlfriend.
She's his teacher.
Gloria, he brought her home
when he thought no one would be around.
Manny has been bringing his teachers home
since he was a little kid.
His 9th birthday party turned into a PTA meeting.
Gloria, I think you're just not seeing
what you don't want to see.
Believe me, Jay, I see everything.
相信我 杰 什么都逃不出我的眼睛
The dentist says your new mouth guard should be there tomorrow.
Alex, I am sure you can make it through one night...
hit the materials lab and whip up some mouth flubber.
Claire, thank goodness.
There was a bit of a trucking mix-up.
Irving was sent to Julian and can't get to Visalia.
Well, send Dustin to Visalia
and have Irving hit Julian and Ramona.
Dustin can't hit Visalia and also Irvine.
Well, can Julia hit Irvine?
- Not Irvine and Tustin. - Fine...
Send Julia to Julian, Ramon to Ramona,
Dustin to Tustin, Irving to Irvine,
and I'll drive the damn truck to Visalia!
- You? - ?Yes, of course me, Margaret!
-你吗 -是的 当然是我 玛格丽特
'Cause I have to handle everything anyhow!
Oh, no. Mi Hu is going to Carlsbad.
These are your future,
And they're headed...out...the window...
You drop this, Coach?
Oh, it must be Halloween,
because somebody's passing out snickers!
Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt.
Oh, it's okay, Shane.
I know your type.
Tough guy. Know it all.
It's like looking in a mirror.
That's right, Shane.
Till a local sheriff put me in jail.
In a little program called Scared Straight,
which, now that I'm saying it out loud,
could have had a double meaning.
24 hours in the joint
with some of the most dangerous characters this side of Hell.
Maybe you'd like to meet some of them.
I don't know what you're lookin' at,
'cause I don't ever remember sellin' you a lookin' license!
Hey, it must be 5:00 a.m. outside the McDonald's,
because the fresh meat just got delivered!
And the Weasel likes fresh meat!
Hey, you back off him!
That new boy's mine!
- Ay, Cam... - Whack!
Do you even know how to drive a truck?
No, Margaret, I don't...
不 玛格丽特 我不知道
but unlike the rest of the world,
sometimes I just figure things out on my own.
Shut up, Margaret.
Survival vlog, entry one.
After a five-mile hike and ride down some rapids,
I've decided to make my camp here.
The rapids were treacherous.
and quickly realized my only chance for survival
was to push my companion overboard --
my constant companion...fear.
Please stay out of my blind spot.
In the wild, you either shrink from the challenge,
or you realize that confidence is half the battle
and you become the master of your environment.
Thank you, thank you. Thank you.
谢谢 谢谢 谢谢你
That's right, Prius... Move it.
没错 普锐斯 给姐让路
Sometimes it's just a matter of thrusting your chest out,
staking your claim...
and letting nature know there's a new sheriff in town.
This chorizo, these plantains, it's all so delicious.
When did you develop a taste for Colombian?
It's called bandeja paisa.
Oh, talented, smart,
and speaks Spanish.
Everybody wants to touch those cheeks.
He looks like one of those babies
that blow a cloud across the ceiling of a church.
So, tell us, Dr. Karen, what do you teach?
Well, the best way would be to show you.
- Why don't we find our legs? - ?Fun.
Now stand beside me and follow along.
Imagine you're carrying two pails of water.
No, no, no. Your chest shouldn't be lifting.
Come place your hands on my neck.
Do you feel how still and open my breathing is?
Oh, a little sensitive there.
Yeah, you have a little bite there.
Okay, that's a little tight.
But I can see where Manny gets his soft hands from!
- Oh, that's very, very eye-opening. - Mom. Mom.
-真是大开眼界 -妈 妈
Uh, let's check on the dessert in the kitchen.
What kind of schools allow a teacher to date a student?
I'm guessing any art school.
He can't date a 30-year-old.
Manny's still a child.
Manny wasn't a child when I met him.
Look, there was a 10-year period
where there was at least one empty chair
at my house every Thanksgiving
because I had a lot to say
about who Mitchell and Claire were dating.
So learn from my one and only parental mistake.
Uh, maybe Karen and I should head out.
- I'm sensing some tension. - No, no, no.
and you're supposed to be comfortable here.
And don't worry about driving.
You can spend the night here tonight.
Are you sure, Mom?
Yeah, I'm sure. I'll go get some more wine.
Any tips on how she moves?
I've never seen anything like it.
Acting Vice Principal Tucker.
I know you think you're pretty cute right now,
but before this day is done,
I will get you to admit you sent out that video.
I did send out that video.
I knew you'd crack.
I just really need these kids to accept me.
No, Shane, you don't.
不 肖恩 你不需要
Because they're popular,
you think you need their approval.
There's concern about some drug traffic at this school.
I am here, undercover, to shut it down.
Okay, well, I kind of always knew you were police.
You're law enforcement, too.
So what's the play?
There's this new designer drug called Dexomorphone.
?Kids are calling them "Dum-Dums."
So there's this big deal going down tonight
on the north campus during the basketball game.
And you want my help with the bust.
By being nowhere near there.
I don't want to spook these dealers.
But in case you need backup,
I should be near north campus.
Or nowhere near there.
but slouched down in my car so no one sees me.
Or at your house.
Are we gonna go outside?
How many times have I told you not to leave this here?
Someone's gonna trip on it.
There's a lot going on with me right now.
My body's changing.
Okay. You always use that.
Hey, today, you're gonna learn about responsibility.
Today, you are gonna take care of a baby.
Do you want a toy?
Little tough love.
Long overdo, if you ask me.
But it's gonna be good for you, sweetie.
Well, that's what babies do.
You just got to pick it up, and you got to soothe it.
- Okay. - It's okay.
- It worked. - ?Good.
Just keep it up for the rest of the afternoon.
Wait! I don't know what I'm supposed to do!
Well, welcome to being a parent.
Survival vlog number two.
I descended into the water attempting to retrieve my gear.
I encountered slippery rocks...
...a cold, brisk current,
and although I have no photographic evidence of it,
My ensuing thrashing stunned a passing trout.
I then foraged some wild blueberries and honey
from what turned out to be a not --
altogether abandoned hive.
Just goes to show you...
I don't need all that fancy equipment.
Phil Dunphy can survive in the wild, even --
That sounded big, didn't it?
Good thing I smell like berries, honey, and raw fish,
so I'm basically all three courses
of a bear's favorite meal!
Watch them scatter.
- Hello? - Oh, hi, honey!
-你好 -你好啊 亲爱的
I've been out of cell range for most of the day.
I just wanted to check in, see how you're doing.
Oh. Great, great.
The air, the, uh -- the trees...
Moss only grows on the north side of trees, right?
I feel like I might be walking in circles.
Is there something called, uh, fool's moss?
You sound out of breath. Is everything okay?
No, Claire, I'm worried that a bear
不好啊 克莱尔 我在害怕有熊
or even a family of bears is hunting me.
Of course I'm okay.
I've only been out here for a couple hours.
Uh, uh, what kind of man do you think I am?
Well, it sounds like we're both having an adventure.
I just got on a scale, and guess how much I weigh.
Yeah, well, we all put on a few around the holidays.
Mwah! Let me call you back a little later.
Meanwhile, uh, I am sending you a pic
of me enjoying nature at my last known location
in my very identifiable red Gore-Tex jacket.
Anyhoo, leave a check out for the gardener,
and you gave my life meaning.
You're a giggly one, aren't ya?
Oh, I miss that sound.
Hey, Lily, how's it going?
I'm trying my best,
but I don't really know what I'm doing.
Well, better to make your mistakes on this one.
You know? ?Oh, hold on one second.
Oh, someone's sending me a video of daddy.
No, not the Weasel. Okay.
别啊 别又是鼬哥 好了
- Honey, I got to call you back, all right? - Wait!
-宝贝 我晚点再打给你好吗 -别挂
God, he must be so humiliated.
You know he's a doll.
Thank you. Thank you. That's sweet.
谢谢 谢谢 多谢夸奖
- Mitchell. - Cam. ?Hey, hey, hey!
I saw that video that's going around.
- I am so sorry. - Oh, doesn't bother me.
Good! Good, 'cause it shouldn't, you know?
那就好 很好 因为你不该难过
You're just trying to make a difference.
If those kids don't appreciate that,
that is their loss.
- ...it's part of a big sting operation. ?- What?
So, I shouldn't be telling you this,
but Shane, the guy who shot the video,
is actually an undercover cop.
Oh. ?Yeah, and he did the video
to sort of, like, humiliate me
to get some street cred.
And there's a big drug deal going on tonight,
but he wants me to steer clear.
Is anyone else aware of
Shane's "21 Jump Street" double life?
Well, he's not gonna broadcast it
out loud for everyone.
But you did get some paperwork or identification?
Okay. You know what?
I think it's hilarious that
the person you don't trust is a hero,
who's helping fight the Dexomorphone problem
- that's plaguing... - I'm sorry. What?
-这如瘟疫般... -等等 什么鬼
The street name is "Dum-Dums,"
and Shane says there's literally Dum-Dums everywhere.
Okay. So, Shane --
not a 16-year-old drug dealer who enjoys humiliating you --
but a baby-faced police officer,
and your first assignment
is to stay as far away as possible
from a huge "Dum-Dum" deal that's about to go down?
Cam, I mean, come --
I love how trusting you are,
but when you start missing things
that are that obvious, then, well, you know,
I don't have to say anything more.
You know, I can finish up here
if you want to go upstairs.
Nah, nah, I'm fine.
Mom really surprised me before.
This is the first time she's treating me like an adult.
I mean, It's nice to be with a mature woman,
someone with experience.
So you two haven't slept together, huh?
She suggested we come here.
You don't know how relieved I was you guys were home.
But then Mom was so cool with it.
I mean, where's the crazy Colombian
the one time I need her?
But you like Karen, right?
A lot, but, I mean...
bad enough she's older than I am,
she's also a movement professor.
I swear to God, before today,
I'd never heard those two words together.
Now it's all I hear.
it's normal to be nervous.
Don't do anything you're not ready for.
Talk to her about what you're feeling.
You'll be surprised how much easier things get
after one honest conversation.
One down, one to go.
Joe?! You ready to talk?
For oatmeal raisin?
Don't waste my time.
Is this stuff any good?
I laid out half my bar mitzvah bonds to get it.
Sick movie of Coach Tucker, by the way.
Glad you enjoyed the film, boys.
Now you can be in one of your own!
What the hell are you doing?!
I guess I really am a vice principal.
A Miami vice principal --
No, I guess it doesn't really need the "Miami," does it.
I can't believe this.
What do we got here?
Oh, let me guess -- your -- your drug money,
Mitchell's really gonna owe you an apology.
Drive strong, brother.
Hi, honey. How's it going?
Just sitting here by a perfect mountain stream.
Nothing beats the raw beauty of the great outdoors.
How's everything going there?
Couldn't be better.
I'm on my way home now,
but we were down a driver,
so I got to drive a truck today,
and I'm loving it.
Makes me feel like a real man.
What's that feel like?
Something going on with you?
Honey, I haven't been, uh, totally honest with you.
亲爱的 其实我... 我没有跟你坦白
I didn't quit Woosnam, Keneally & Dunphy.
They -- They asked me to leave.
Oh, honey. What happened?
those guys have always been super aggressive,
and they didn't feel like
I have the same killer instinct
that -- that they do.
Maybe they're right.
Is that what this whole crazy camping thing is about?
Proving how tough you are?
Maybe, a little,
especially since I'll be going out on my own.
Phil, this is a huge thing you've been going through.
Why didn't you say something?
Well, you've had such a busy week.
I don't want to be another fire you had to put out.
Remember how terrified I was when I took over for my dad?
The night before my first day in the big office,
I was up, heart pounding,
pacing a hole in the living-room floor.
And suddenly, you were there.
You just put your arms around me,
and it made me realize
I'm not going through this alone.
So forget your idiot partners
and whatever it is you're trying to prove
with this stupid camping trip.
You're great at what you do, and also...
How -- How --
I'm gonna hang up now.
I love you. Goodbye.
You didn't sound so good on the phone.
I called the hotel,
and they said you checked in early.
Honey, I know I like to complain
about people coming to me to solve their problems,
but don't you dare not come to me with yours.
By the way, if you don't want people
to come to you to solve their problems all the time,
maybe don't be so good at it.
Now that you're so into the wild...
I like where this is going.
Don't...do that, please.
Joe is sleeping in a fort downstairs,
and Manny's upstairs sleeping with a doctor.
- I don't know what the rules are anymore. - No one does,
but for what it's worth,
I think you made the right call.
I am at least winning one of these fights.
Storming the fort?
I'm gonna go and drag him out of there
and put him in his bed.
I'm still bigger than Joe,
even though that Manny's, like...
The little boy in Manny isn't gone yet.
Finally, where have you been?
I have been out walking Cal.
And guess who's right behind me.
Actually, I've been the one who...
Will be going to Disneyland if she plays her cards right.
Where's my little angel.
Tell me about your rub down.
Oh, I can get it.
Now I'm so free and loose, I can pick up anything, move around.
Yep, I'm like an owl.
There is my little angel.
You know what? Thanks for this.
Let me treat you for a bite. Come on.
Lily, we'll be right back.
- How was he? - So quiet, so easy!
-他表现好吗 -超安静 超乖