摩登家庭 第十季 Modern Family Season 10 第10集: Stuck in a Moment

上映日期: 2,018

语言: 英语

影片类型: 喜剧 / 家庭

导演: 盖尔·曼库索 / 斯蒂文·莱维坦

演员: 艾德·奥尼尔 / 索菲娅·维加拉 / 朱丽·鲍温 / 泰·布利尔 / 杰西·泰勒·弗格森 / 艾瑞克·斯通斯崔特 / 萨拉·海蓝德 / 阿芮尔·温特 / 诺兰·古德 / 里克·罗德里格兹 / 奥布里·


台词
Merry Christmas Eve, Alex.
平安夜快乐 艾丽克斯
So, he's still alive --
他还活着啊
must mean you haven't told Mom you're pregnant yet.
你一定还没跟妈妈说你怀孕的事吧
We want to be careful to do it right.
我们想谨慎处理好这件事
Now you're being careful?
现在你倒知道谨慎了
I can't keep this secret anymore.
我没办法再保守秘密了
Look at me!
看看我
‭Ugh. She's going gray.
她头发都发白了
Oh my God, she is!
我的天 还真是
I was just gasping at the haircut.
我刚才是在惊讶她的丑发型呢
Apparently, this is what happens when I feel stress now.
我现在似乎一有压力就会这样
Well, we're telling them today, okay?
好吧 我们一定会在今天告诉他们 好吗
That way, if Mom freaks,
这样的话 就算妈妈生气
she'll have 10 days in Bermuda to calm down.
她也有十天的时间在百慕大冷静下来
Okay, then go now!
行啊 那现在就去啊
She's never in a better mood than on Christmas Eve.
她不会有比平安夜心情更好的时候了
Wait, is this a good way to tell her?
等一下 这样告诉她怎么样
We hang a stocking for "Grandma Claire,"
我们挂只袜子给"克莱尔外婆"
and when she goes, "I'm not a grandma,"
然后当她说"我不是外婆"的时候
we go, "Tell that to Haley and my's baby."
我们就说 跟海莉和我"滴"宝宝说去吧
Promise me you won't home school this kid.
答应我 送孩子去上学 别留家教育
Hey, Mom. What are you doing?
妈妈 你在干嘛呢
Ugh, Christmas cards are just clutter.
圣诞贺卡就是一堆废纸
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
等下等下等下
You can't throw away Uncle Cam's card.
你可不能扔掉小卡舅舅的贺卡
You know how sensitive he gets about his piano placement.
你知道他对钢琴上的布局有多敏感
Remember that one year where his card
还记得那年他的贺卡
was slightly behind the one from our old babysitter?
比我们家老保姆的卡片放得靠后了一点吗
Mm, I believe he spoke the charming phrase,
我想他用了句迷人的措辞
"And who is this whore?"
"这臭婊子是谁"
Well, Christmas ‭is at Grandpa's this year,
今年圣诞节在外公家过
so Cam will never see it.
所以小卡不会看到它的
Check out the sledding polar bear paper.
看看这些滑雪橇的北极熊包装纸
Can't look at that and not be in a good mood, huh?
看到它不由自主就会有好心情 对吧
Yeah.
可不是吗
I am so sick of that stuff.
我超讨厌这玩意儿
I ordered five rolls from some kid for a school drive.
我为了学校活动跟某孩子订了5卷
He shows up with fifty -- his fault.
结果他带来了50卷... 他的错
Kid bursts into tears.
这孩子就哭了起来
Like it's on me that he can't count?
好像他不会数数是我的错
-I was six, Mom. -Mm.
-我那时才六岁 妈妈 -行吧
Bermuda just gets it --
去百慕大就该这样穿
formal yet casual.
正式却不失休闲
And home of the most perfectly tanned
而且还能看到世界上晒黑最完美的
lower thigh, upper knee region in the world.
大腿下部和膝盖上部区域
Not hard to pick out a Bermudan in a locker room.
以后在更衣室要找到百慕大同乡就很容易了
No. Oh, hang on.
别了吧 等一下
Wait. Well, this can't be right.
等等 这不对啊
This itinerary says we're on four flights
这个行程表上说我们有四个航班
with three layovers.
和三次中转
Oh, yeah, um...
是啊
remember how I found that amazing airline deal online?
记得我在网上找到那个很棒的机票吗
Yeah, but two of these layovers are six hours each.
记得 可是其中两个中转长达六个小时
Yes, but the third one's only 12 minutes.
是啊 但第三个只有十二分钟呢
But it's at O'Hare.
但那是在奥黑尔机场
Honey, we'll have to sprint
亲爱的 我们得在十二分钟内
from one end of the airport to the other.
从机场的这头跑到那头
It'll all be worth it when we wake up on December 27th
当我们12月27日在百慕大醒来的时候
in Bermuda, ‭where the forecast predicts...
一切都是值得的 那里天气预报显示...
hot fog.
热雾
Can't we just take a direct flight?
我们就不能坐直达班机吗
There's no changes, the terms were very clear.
不能变更 条款写得很清楚
It was part of a promotion for a new website
这是一个新网站促销活动
called Tickets.Plane
那网站叫做机.票网
Oh, yeah, I have a showing right down the street.
对了 我要在附近带人看房
Okay. Wait, hang on.
好的 等一下
Don't leave. Don't leave.
先别急着走
What is Economy Minus?
低等经济舱是什么
A plus, actually,
其实应该是升等才对
since no one's jealous of people with aisle seats,
因为这舱里没有人会嫉妒坐不到走道位
because it's basically two innovative 18-person benches
这基本上是两排创新的十八人长椅
facing each other.
面对面放着
Phil?!
菲尔
- What? - Nothing.
-什么事 -没事
家 庭
摩 登
第十季 第十集
Who moved Cam's card?
谁动了小卡的贺卡
He's gonna be very upset if he's not on the mantel!
如果不放在壁炉上小卡会很不开心的
I put it in a drawer until he gets here.
我把它放在抽屉里了 等他来再拿出来
That glitter ‭was getting on everything.
上面的闪粉粘得到处都是
I breathed some of that in.
我还吸进了一点
I cough gold now.
我现在咳出的都是金粉
Gloria, you got a package from Colombia.
歌洛莉亚 你有一个哥伦比亚来的包裹
Must mean the government took back the airstrip.
看来你们政府拿回飞机跑道了
Those are the gifts from my cousins!
那是我亲戚们送的礼物
Beautiful!
真好看
Back home we call these sueteres de Navidad.
在老家我们叫它"毛衣之圣诞[西语]"
So...Christmas sweaters.
所以就是圣诞毛衣呗
Put them on ‭so we can take a picture.
快穿上 我们来拍张照
Wow, these are really soft.
这毛衣真柔软
Damn cozy is what they are.
可舒适保暖了
Oh, look, they also sent a banana leaf wreath.
看 他们还送了香蕉叶花环
Banana spider!
香蕉蜘蛛
- What?! - What is that?!
-什么 -那是什么鬼玩意
It's a deadly spider! It will kill you!
是一种致命毒蜘蛛 能杀死人的
I know what deadly means!
我知道致命是什么意思
Well, where'd it go?
它去哪了
I'm wearing backless house slippers!
我的家居鞋不包脚后跟
I think it ran over to the --
我觉得它跑到
He took the tree!
它占领圣诞树了
Am I the only one who feels kinda itchy?
只有我觉得有点痒吗
The sweaters.
毛衣有问题
Where there's one, there's many!
明处有一只 暗处上百千
- Run! - Let's go!
-快跑 -我们走
Dear God, he's got the remote.
老天 它占领遥控器了
Okay, smile!
来笑一个
Can we go look at phones after this?
这个完了我们能去看看手机吗
No, Lily, you are not getting a cell phone for Christmas.
不行 莉莉 圣诞节不能给你手机当礼物
They're expensive, ‭and you haven't proven yourself
手机很贵 你还没有证明自己
responsible enough to own one yet.
有足够的责任感拥有自己的一部手机
Uh, I was responsible enough to come to a foreign country
我够有责任感了 我都到一个陌生的国家
and build a life with two strangers.
和两个陌生人过日子了
Okay, you used that one to get a later bedtime, all right?
你想晚点睡觉的时候用过这理由了
Oh, Cal, you're next.
卡尔 你是下一个
We want Cal to have a perfect Christmas.
我们想给卡尔一个完美圣诞
It's tough with his mom being in prison.
这挺有难度 毕竟他妈妈在监狱
Plus, his holiday season kind of got off to a rough start.
另外 他的圣诞季开始得有点糟糕
You know, of all of our wonderful ornament selects,
你知道吗 我们选的所有装饰品里
these are my fave.
这俩是我的最爱
Merry Christmas!
圣诞快乐[M.C]
From Mitch and Cam!
也是米奇和小卡的首字母缩写
Up On The Housetop
♪ Up on the rooftop, reindeer pause ♪
♪ 驯鹿屋顶上停下来 ♪
♪ Out jumps good old Santa Claus ♪
♪ 圣诞老人蹦下雪橇 ♪
♪ Down through the chimney with lots of toys ♪
♪ 背着玩具爬下烟囱 ♪
♪ All for the little ones' Christmas joy ♪
♪ 带给孩子们圣诞欢乐 ♪
♪ Ho, ho, ho, who wouldn't go? ♪
♪ 呵呵呵 谁不想来呢 ♪
♪ Ho, ho, ho, who wouldn't go? ♪
♪ 呵呵呵 谁不想来呢 ♪
♪ Up on the housetop, click, click, click ♪
♪ 圣诞老人屋顶上 嗒嗒嗒 ♪
- He was fine. Fine! - ‭He was fine.
-他没事 真的没事 -挺好的
We barely got through three verses
我们还没唱完三节和反复一次副歌
and a repeat chorus before we realized our mistake.
就反应过来自己的过失了
- Although that rainstorm came out of nowhere. ‭- Yeah.
-虽然还莫名其妙开始下了场暴风雨 -是啊
‭Merry Christmas, little Cal!
圣诞快乐 小卡尔
Lily, take your cousin over there. Relax a little.
莉莉 带你表弟过去玩一会儿
Okay, go.
去吧
- Hi! - Hi!
-你好 -你好
Hey, Santa. So, just wondering if you could you do us a favor
圣诞老人 不知道你能不能帮我们一个小忙
and tell us what our nephew just asked for for Christmas?
告诉我们小侄子想要什么圣诞礼物
I know you. You're that lawyer.
我认识你 你是那个律师
Oh, no. This is never good.
完了 这么一开头就没好事
You're the ADA who charged me with public intoxication.
你是那个指控我公共场合酗酒的助理地检
Got me sentenced to fifty hours community service --
给我判了五十个小时社区服务
working as a mall Santa is part of it.
包括为商场扮圣诞老人
Okay. Well, I'm sorry. But can't we move past that?
真的抱歉 我们能大人不记小人过吗
We really need to know what our nephew asked for.
我们真的需要知道小侄子想要什么
He asked for a more lenient justice system.
他想要更宽松的司法体系
Well, I doubt that. He's pretty conservative.
我不太相信 他立场挺保守派
We have to pretend to be roommates.
我们不能承认关系 只能假装室友
Can we move this along?
我们能赶紧的吗
I only have my kids for four hours this week.
这周我只能和孩子待四个小时
Merry Christmas.
圣诞快乐 司法万岁
You know what? As a former mall Santa,
你知道 作为一个前任商场圣诞老人
I vowed never to comment on a sitting Santa,
我发过誓不评判一个在岗的圣诞老人
but you're a disgrace to the red and white.
但是你真让这红白制服丢脸
Phil, I just got off the phone with my dad.
菲尔 我刚和我爸通完电话
We're moving Christmas Eve to our house.
平安夜要挪到我们家过了
I got to run out and get some groceries.
我得赶紧出去买点杂货
See you soon. Bye.
一会见 拜
Where's the tree?
圣诞树呢
Where are the gifts?
礼物都到哪去了
I assumed you canceled Christmas because you found out that I --
我想你取消过圣诞节 因为你发现我...
But I interrupted you.
不过我打断你说话了
Did your dad take them to his showing?
你爸是不是把东西拿去卖房那里了
He's always doing this -- he steals my decorations
他总干这种事 把我的装饰偷拿走
to stage his houses to make them homier.
去布置他卖的房子 增加家庭气息
He swore he would stop doing this!
他保证过不会再犯的
At least he left the "Wreaf."
至少他没拿走"发环"
Wreath.
是花环
Eh, I've heard it both ways.
两种发音我都有听人说过啦
No, I have, too. Doesn't make it right.
我也听过 但不代表是对的
What are we supposed to do?
我们该如何是好
We can't host a Christmas without a tree.
没有圣诞树 就没法办圣诞节晚宴了
I thought you weren't allowed to host Christmas anymore
经过去年的事件后 他们不是不准你
after last year.
再办圣诞节晚宴了吗
I took a swing at a new way to prepare turkey.
我突发妙想 用创新方法烹饪了火鸡
Well, this is frozen.
火鸡都没解冻
No, Dad, you just -- you hit a bone.
不是的 爸爸 你只是切到了骨头
I saw this on "Top Chef."
我从《顶级大厨》学到的
They cooked an entire turkey in one hour.
他们只用一小时就煮好了一整只火鸡
Luke had some, you're fine. Aren't you, buddy?
卢克已经吃了 你还好好的 对吧
Check on Joe.
看乔有没有事
Oh, your father isn't answering.
你爸不接电话
You knew about this, didn't you?
这事你一定知情 对吧
I could tell you were hiding something.
我能看出来你心里藏了秘密
Phil?
菲尔
Phil!
菲尔
Ph-- Oh!
菲...
This theater is totally soundproof,
这间家庭影院完全隔音
so no one will hear you yelling at Jim
所以不会有人听到你大声吼吉姆
to pick up his socks, Sandy.
叫他把袜子捡起来 桑迪
She does get loud.
她有时的确"很大声"
So, all of this,
这房子优点多多
plus it's in a great school dist...rict.
而且还在很好的学区里
Oh my God, was this house just robbed?
老天 这房子刚被抢劫了吗
I told you this was a sketchy area.
我就跟你说这一区很乱吧
I am not going through another home invasion
我不要再经历一次入室抢劫
with the kids and me banging on the panic room door.
而我和孩子们在安全屋外狂锤门你都不开
So, you guys chat, ‭and I'll, uh, take a minute,
你们慢慢聊 我看看
see if I can find a replacement tree
能不能找到替代的圣诞树
and nine identically wrapped gifts.
以及九份包装纸一模一样的礼物
It's the perfect way to get your mom in a good mood.
这办法一定能让你妈心情变好
Think about it -- ‭cupcakes are little cakes
你想想啊 杯子蛋糕就是小蛋糕
just like babies are little people.
就像婴儿就是小人儿
I guess.
应该吧
I just want this to go well.
我只是希望一切能顺利进行
I'm in a really good place with this baby,
怀了这个孩子 我很开心
and I want my mom to be, too.
我希望妈妈也为此开心
She wasn't in the best mood this morning.
她今早心情不是很好
It's Christmas Eve.
今天是平安夜
She can't stay a Grinch all day.
她不可能一整天都像变相怪杰一样脸色发青
Thank you. That was the exterminator.
谢谢 刚才我跟除虫人员说了
He is, uh, on his way,
他马上赶过来
but he's gonna have to tent the house for a couple of days.
但除虫那几天 他得用帐篷把房子围起来
And I'm trying to book us a hotel,
我打算给我们订酒店
but the call keeps dropping.
但电话总断线
Joe, let's go to the backyard. There's better reception.
乔 我们到后院去 那里信号比较好
Hey, listen. I left something inside.
听着 我有东西落屋里了
I need you to get it for me. This should keep you safe.
你得去帮我拿出来 这应该能保你平安
Are you crazy? I'm not going back into that spider's nest.
你疯了吗 我才不要回去那个蜘蛛巢穴
Fine, I hate them, too.
好吧 我也讨厌蜘蛛
The problem is, ‭they're attracted to my musk.
问题是 我身上的雄性麝香会吸引它们
I went to the insect room at the zoo a while back,
前不久我到动物园里的昆虫间
and they all started banging on the glass like inmates.
它们马上像犯人一样开始狂拍玻璃
What'd you leave in there that's so important?
你落什么在屋里了 这么重要
It's a medication.
是药
I'm fine, but I didn't tell your mom
我没事 但我没告诉你妈
'cause I didn't want her to worry.
因为我不想她担心
Can we just stop by a liquor store
我们不能顺路到酒水商店
and refill your "Prescription."
帮你加满"处方药"吗
It's a medicine! Look...
都说了是药 听着
I'm sure our hotel has a top notch spa.
我们住的酒店一定有顶级水疗
One that might add ‭a, uh, hot stone massage,
也许还能加个热石按摩
an herbal soak...
和花草浸浴
Do I look like someone who can be bought?
我像是会被物质收买的人吗
No, but you do look like someone who might enjoy
不像 但你看起来应该会喜欢
a four-handed Balinese seaweed swaddle.
四手巴厘岛式海藻按摩
You son of a bitch.
你个奸诈的老混蛋
So, Cal, what did ‭you and Santa talk about?
卡尔 你跟圣诞老人聊什么啦
It's a secret.
那是秘密
Me, I'd be fine with just cash.
我 现金就行
You guys have enough on your plate.
你们要烦心的事够多了 给你们减轻负担
Okay, you're not buying yourself a phone, all right?
你也别想自己去买个电话 好吧
Ooh, Santa's on break.
圣诞老人休息了
Okay, Lily, go sit with Cal again.
莉莉 去和卡尔坐在一起
You guys need me -- ‭maybe throw a please in there.
你们要我帮忙 好歹加个请字吧
- Yeah. Hi! - Hi!
-好的 嗨 -嗨
Oh, it really is the most wonderful time of the year.
真的是一年中最美好的时刻
- Beautiful. - ‭Isn't it? ‭So, listen, do you mind if --
-真美好 -不是吗 你介不介意
Do you think you're the first parents
你们觉得你们是第一个
wanting to take a peek at my scroll?
想偷看我名册的家长吗
Better stick something in my bootie.
最好在我的靴子[屁股]里塞点东西
- Whoa, whoa, whoa. - I'm sorry. What?
-哇 哇 -什么鬼
Cash in the slipper, perv.
塞钱在我鞋子里 变态
- Oh. Do you wanna... - Yeah, yeah, I got -- I got,
-你 -嗯 我有
uh -- I've got $10.
我有十块
Thank you.
谢谢
No, this is just a list of toys.
不 这只是玩具列表
None of the kids' names are next to them.
孩子的名字没在上面
Oh, oh. You know what?
你知道吗
Uh, we'll look at pictures of Cal in line
我们看下卡尔排队的照片
and then match the kids up behind him
把他之后的孩子
with the toys on the list.
和单子上的玩具连在一起
Okay, so, well, I guess this Asian kid,
好 我猜这个亚洲小孩
he maybe wants the, uh --
他可能想要个...
There's no time to be politically correct.
没时间在这里回避种族刻板印象了
- He wants the calculator. - Calculator.
-他想要个计算器 -计算器
And he wants it bad. Yeah.
他特别想要
Wait, does that mean that
等下 那意味着
this little boy wants the Barbie Styling Head?
这个小男孩想要芭比造型头吗
Yep, look at the turned-out foot.
没错 看那精心打扮的脚
Oh, of course he wants the Barbie Styling Head.
他当然是想要芭比造型头
Which means Cal wants...
这就意味着卡尔想要
Hot Wheels!
风火轮小汽车
Okay, okay.
好的
- Let's go. Thank you! - Thank you.
-我们走 谢谢 -谢谢
Don't worry. They come back.
别担心 他们会回来的
Please tell me you told Mom and Dad.
求你告诉我你们已经去说了
No, but we're gonna tell them in song.
没 但我们会用歌声告诉你们爸妈
Listen to this part.
听听这部分
♪ Soon a baby as cute as us ♪
♪ 很快像我们一样可爱的宝宝 ♪
♪ Will spring forth from Haley's uterus ♪
♪ 会从海莉的子宫里出来 ♪
I love it!
我好喜欢
She's lying. She just wants us
她在骗人 她就想我们赶快说
to get it over with so her eczema will go away.
这样她的湿疹就会消失
I don't have -- Oh, my God!
我才没有 天啊
Okay, you got this.
好 你记着
You're quicker than those things.
你比那些东西速度更快
- I doubt that. - You're smarter.
-我很怀疑 -你更聪明
I can't make a web out of nothing.
巧妇难为无米之炊
- Plus, you got a weapon. - A leaf blower?
-你还有武器 -吹叶机吗
Hey, that thing can blow a Pomeranian through a hedge.
这家伙能把博美犬吹过篱笆
Let's just say ‭little Mimi from next door
这么说吧 隔壁的小咪咪
won't be visiting our lawn anymore.
再不会来我们家草坪了
Now hurry up ‭before your mom gets back.
趁你妈没回来 快点
We'll be in constant communication.
我们保持联系
Go. Go, go, go.
快 快 快
Keep your head on a swivel.
保持警惕
Head for my bathroom. Remember.
去我的浴室 记住
That spider can sense the subtlest sign of fear.
那蜘蛛能觉察最微弱的恐惧
Something just ran past my foot.
有东西爬过了我的脚
Damn it, the power's out!
我去 停电了
Then so am I!
我也要走了
No! You just leveled the playing field.
别啊 你们现在势均力敌了
They have eight eyes.
他们有四双眼睛
You only have two.
你只有一双
You just took away their one advantage.
停电的话它们唯一的优势也没啦
What about their sac of poison?
它们的毒液呢
Okay, I'm in the bathroom.
好 我到浴室了
Good, good. The medication...
很好 很好 药在
is down below in the cabinet.
底下的柜子里
You want me to reach my hand
你让我把手伸进
into a dark, damp breeding ground?
黑暗又潮湿的产卵区吗
It's all the way in the back on the far right.
就在右后边
Just feel around for the jar.
用手摸着找那个罐子
So, skitter my hand back and forth?
所以还要来回移动我的手
That's basically a spider mating dance!
这基本上就是蜘蛛求偶舞了
Got it.
拿到了
Talk to me, over.
回答我 完毕
Manny!
曼尼
Not leaving!
还不走
Still shopping!
还要买
As if getting robbed wasn't bad enough,
被抢劫还不够惨似的
now that we were hosting Christmas,
现在让我们搞圣诞聚餐
I had to get a new tree and gifts into the house
我得在克莱尔回家前 把新的圣诞树
before Claire got home.
和礼物搬进家里来
Fortunately, I had a copy of her gift list.
幸好我还有一份她的礼物清单
It was eerie how many of these events
心里有点毛骨悚然
were lining up with the plot of my children's book in progress,
这么多的事情都跟我正在写的童书情节重叠
"The Realtor Who Saved Christmas."
我的书名叫《拯救圣诞的房产中介》
- Hello? - Buddy, I need a favor.
-你好 -哥们儿 帮个忙
Remember that polar bear wrapping paper
还记得上次因为你数学太烂
you made us buy so much of because you can't do math?
害我们买了好多的北极熊包装纸吗
Grab a couple rolls of it,
拿上几卷
meet me out in front of the house in 20 minutes.
20分钟后到家门外等我
We're all out. Mom used the last of it on this year's gifts.
都用完了 老妈用了最后一卷包今年的礼物
Damn it! I need a bunch of it. Where am I supposed to f--
该死 我需要很多 我要去哪...
♪ Hallelujah ♪
♪ 哈利路亚 ♪
♪ Hallelujah, Hallelujah ♪
♪ 哈利路亚 哈利路亚 ♪
All good, Luke.
没事了 卢克
Well, we got what we need.
我们买到了我们要的东西
I'm glad someone's getting what they want this year.
我很高兴有人今年终于得到了他想要的
You know what? Here, take my phone.
这样吧 我的手机给你
If you can get through a day without losing it, it's yours.
如果你一天内没搞丢 手机就归你了
You must've run through some hairspray.
你肯定是踩到什么发胶上了
Your boots are like flypaper.
你的靴子现在跟捕蝇纸一样
That's why that spray was banned.
所以那款胶才被禁用啊
Birds were flying over the factory
小鸟们飞过发胶工厂
and getting stuck together.
然后就会黏到一起
Hey, wait, wait a second. Wait a second.
等等 等一下 等一下
This is your medication?
这就是你的药吗
"Good Old Fashioned Elbow Grease?"
"怀旧派胳膊肘润滑霜"
I suffer from dry elbow.
我的手肘干得厉害
That's what I risked my life for?
我冒着生命危险就为了这个吗
Supple elbows are heavily featured in every good power pose.
光滑的手肘是所有爷们叉腰姿势的必备
That's how I got the cover to Closet World.
我就是这样登上《衣柜世界》的封面
I literally elbowed my way to the top.
我真的是硬生生靠胳膊肘挤上去的
I booked us a hotel.
我订了个酒店
Manny, you're sharing a room with Joe.
曼尼 你跟乔同住一间
Fix that.
这事你给我搞定
What are you roasting on the space heater?
你在暖气片上烤什么东西呢
Oh, I threw those cards in the trash.
我之前把卡片扔到垃圾桶里
They got all soggy.
结果都泡湿了
Even Uncle Cam's?
连小卡舅舅的都是吗
You have to save those for seven years,
那些卡片你得留七年啊
like tax returns.
跟退税单一样
Hello, Phil.
你好呀 菲尔
Oh, that's right.
没错
The tree's back where it belongs.
圣诞树回归原位了
You stole it?!
是你偷的
Oh, no, you did.
不 是你偷的
Just like you stole my family of plastic Thanksgiving turkeys,
跟你以前偷了我的塑料感恩节火鸡家族
my inflatable Easter bunny,
我的充气复活节兔子
and my Uncle Sam pinata,
还有我的山姆大叔彩陶罐一样
all for your open houses.
都搬到你的房屋开放日去了
Today was my chance
今天是洗清
to shed a very unfair reputation.
我冤情的机会
Claire --
克莱尔
I put two people in the hospital one time,
我只不过害两个人进了医院一次
and now I'm a Christmas ruiner.
大家就把我当圣诞节杀手
Fire!
着火了
Oh, my God! Get the extinguisher!
我的天哪 去拿灭火器
Aah! It's Cam's glitter card! I knew it!
是小卡的闪粉贺卡 我就知道
Stand back!
后退
The tree!
The gift
礼物
The -- The --
这个 那个
It's out!
用完了
This must be the one Luke and I used for our jet pack prototype.
我和卢克做喷气背包时用的肯定是这灭火器
You know, we're being crazy. There is no perfect moment.
是我们太傻了 根本就没什么完美的时间点
We're just going to walk in there like adults and tell them.
我们就像大人一样上去知会一声就行了
Honey...
亲爱的
It's no use.
没救了
It's over, Phil.
一切都结束了 菲尔
The house smells like smoke,
这房子闻着一股烟味儿
we have no tree
我们没有圣诞树
and nine scorched, yet soaking-wet gifts.
还有九份烧焦又湿透的礼物
Worst of all, I have to make Mitchell's day
最糟的是 米奇尔听了肯定幸灾乐祸
by telling him we're moving the party to his house
因为我得告诉他把聚会改到他家
and I'm on permanent host probation forever.
而我永远不能再主办聚会了
Who knows?
谁知道呢
Maybe in a couple years they'll toss me a pity holiday --
或许几年后他们会丢给我一个小破节日
"Welcome to my non-alcoholic Earth Day brunch."
"欢迎来到我的无酒精地球日早午餐"
In brighter news,
好消息是
I am getting on a prop plane in a couple hours.
几小时后我就要坐上螺旋桨飞机了
Bermuda Triangle's still a thing, right?
现在还有百慕大三角这回事吧
Claire.
克莱尔
Honey, I just can't right now.
亲爱的 我现在应付不来
I'm not in the mood for --
我没心情
How?
怎么做到的
Merry Christmas from me.
我送你的圣诞快乐
Did you sneak out earlier
你之前偷偷跑出去
and buy all this stuff to cover your tracks?
买了这些东西掩盖你的行为吗
Or you can choose to believe it's a Christmas miracle.
或者你可以选择相信这是圣诞奇迹
I choose miracle.
我选择奇迹
Happy holidays!
节日快乐
Thank you for taking over.
谢谢你们接手
You saved the day! Merry Christmas.
你拯救了一切 圣诞快乐
Well, you know, it's kind of what I do.
你知道的 我就是这么厉害
Come on, drinks in the kitchen.
快来 饮料在厨房
- Yay! All right! - All right!
-太好了 -太好了
Ooh, Manny, what's up with the noggin bump?
曼尼 你头上怎么起了个小包
What? Where?
什么 哪
Oh, no. That looks like a banana spider bite!
不 看起来像是香蕉蜘蛛咬的
It's not a bite, he bumped his head.
不是咬的 他撞到了头
No, that looks like a bite.
不 看起来像被咬了
My sister got bit by a Missouri Silo Spider --
我姐姐被密苏里青贮窖蜘蛛咬过
lost a toe.
失去了一根脚趾
Happy ending -- she was born with eleven.
但结局很好 她天生有十一根脚趾
Manny, we need to get that checked.
曼尼 我们得去医院检查
There is an antidote,
可以用解毒剂
but if you have never been bitten by the spider,
但假如你以前从没被这种蜘蛛咬过
it might kill you.
可能是致命的
- Let's go to the car. - I -- Jay.
-我们上车去 -杰
Stop! He wasn't bitten.
停下 他没被咬
He bumped his head when he went back in the house
他撞到了头 他之前回到房子里去
to grab my...medication.
帮我拿 药
What medication?
什么药
Oh, my God, Dad, are you okay?
我的天 爸 你还好吗
We're gonna get through this, buddy.
我们会挺过去的 伙计
It's an elbow cream that I secretly use
是一种胳膊肘霜 每天晚上
every night after Gloria falls asleep.
我都在歌洛莉亚睡着后偷偷用
You sent our son into the nest of a deadly spider
你让咱儿子进入致命毒蛛的巢穴
for a beauty cream?
就为了拿润肤霜
It's a medicine
这是药
that treats the heartbreaking condition of dry elbow!
用来治疗令人心碎的干胳膊肘症
It requires a veterinarian's prescription
这是兽医才能开的处方药
because it's primarily used on rhinos and elephants.
因为原本是给犀牛和大象用的
I see on our march to become a perfect society,
看来尽管我们正朝完美社会大步前进
elbow shaming is still allowed.
人们仍旧允许胳膊肘羞辱
I get a little dry sometimes.
我胳膊肘有时也有点干
Hey! You're just as much a person as everybody else.
你要记住你并不比别人差在哪里
I can't believe that you're so vain that you --
我不敢相信你虚荣到这个地步
Wait, is that my Christmas card
等等 你鞋底上粘的
stuck on the bottom of your shoe?
是我的圣诞贺卡吗
And why-why is it singed?
为什么被烧焦了
Ugh, you got to be less about the cards.
你不能再这么看重贺卡了
We all think it.
我们都这么想
Didn't you empty a can of powerful hairspray in the bathroom?
你不是在卫生间喷光了一罐强力发胶吗
And did you go in there, too?
你也去卫生间了吗
Fine! I needed something, okay?
好吧 我得拿点东西 行了吧
But at least I went in myself.
但至少我是自己去拿的
After you offered me $20 and I said no.
因为你用二十美元雇我我没答应
Some of us can't be bought.
我们中有些人是不会被收买的
What did you need?
你要拿什么
Whatever it is, ‭we're gonna get through this.
无论是什么 我们会一起陪你挺过去
A night guard.
防磨牙牙套
I didn't want to tell you, but every night,
我不想告诉你 但每天晚上
I wait for you to fall asleep, so I put it on.
我都等你睡着后戴上
It's so unattractive.
太没有吸引力了
That's it?
就这样
Ith not thex-thee. I look hideouth!
太不性感了 我看起来好丑
Oh, that really humanizes her.
终于从神性中蹦出点人味儿了
I don't care for it.
我不喜欢
Okay, one of my teeth is loose.
我的一颗牙都松了
I am begging you to tell them.
我求求你去告诉他们吧
That's what this is.
这就是我打扮的目的啊
I'm coming down the chimney as Santa,
我打扮成圣诞老人并从烟囱落下
delighting Joe and Cal.
讨乔与卡尔开心
Mom will see how good he is with kids
妈能看到他跟孩子多投缘
and then be super chill with us being pregnant.
就会对我怀孕的事放心许多
I'm stuck.
我卡住了
Okay, everybody, come on, picture time!
好啦 大家都进来吧 全家福时间到
In front of the tree, let's go.
到圣诞树前集合 来吧
Oh, God. Just be quiet!
天啊 你别出声
There you are. Okay, where's Dylan?
你在这里啊 对了 迪兰呢
Aww, Mom.
妈 你真有心
What? We need somebody to take the picture.
想什么呢 我们需要有人帮忙拍照啊
Harsh.
太狠心了
What was that?
什么声音
Don't we always have the fire on?
我们每年不是都会生火的吗
- No! - ‭I'm sure we do.
-没有 -我挺确定有
Last year we used it to finish cooking Claire's turkey pieces.
我们去年用那火把克莱尔没熟的火鸡烤熟
Jay, go turn it on.
杰 去生火
Wait! Wait, wait, wait.
等等 等等 等等
Every-- Everybody 12 and under, out.
各位... 各位12岁以下小朋友先离开下
What? Honey, what's going on?
什么 亲爱的 这是怎么了
Dylan's stuck in the chimney.
迪兰卡在烟囱里了
Why?
为什么
He's dressed up as Santa.
他打扮成圣诞老人
He was gonna hand presents out to the kids.
想要从烟囱而降来给孩子发礼物
Don't tell them now. I want to be with you!
别现在告诉他们啊 我想跟你一起公布
Tell us what?
告诉我们什么
Nothing. It can wait.
没什么 可以之后再说
No, it can't! Please!
不能再等了 求求你
My organs are shutting down!
我的全身器官都要停止运作了
Okay, fine. I...
好吧 行 我...
We have an announcement.
我们有个事情要宣布
Dylan and I are having a baby.
我跟迪兰要生宝宝了
Are they smiling?
他们表情笑了吗
You're pregnant?
你怀孕了吗
Yes.
是的
And w-we're really happy about it.
我们为此感到十分开心
Why wouldn't you be?
怎么可能会不开心呢
Mom?
妈 你呢
It's -- it's a lot to process at once, and...
这消息需要点时间消化 但...
A baby. Unbelievable!
宝宝呢 太棒了
- Congratulations! - Oh, my gosh! A baby!
-恭喜你们 -天啊 小宝宝呢
Oh, God.
天啊
You handled that a lot better than I did back in the day.
你处理的方式比我当年强多了
Outside. On the inside, I'm you.
表面而已 我的内心跟你一样
Can somebody save my life?
能来人救救我的命吗
- Oh, Cam, grab a foot. - Yep.
-小卡 你抓一只脚 -好
God, he's really wedged in there.
天啊 他真的卡得好死啊
Ah, if only we had some kind of award-winning,
如果我们能有某种得过奖的
placenta-based lubricant.
胎盘基底的润滑霜就好了
Fine!
行行行
Here, Dylan, ‭use a little bit of this.
给 迪兰 你抹一点这个
I can't believe a little Dylan is gonna pop out of you!
真不敢相信要有个小迪兰从你身体蹦出
What would that even look like?
会是什么样子啊
Everybody come on in for the picture!
大家都过来拍全家福吧
I'll set the timer.
我设置个定时拍照
This is all gonna work out, right?
一切都会船到桥头自然直吧
Definitely. Yeah.
肯定会啦
Hang on. ‭Let me get my elbows ready.
稍等 我得露出我的美肘
Okay, everybody smile, say "Baby!"
大家露出笑容 喊"宝宝"
Baby!
宝宝
♪ Deck the halls with boughs of holly, ♪
♪ 神圣冬青装饰着大厅 ♪
♪ Tis the season to be jolly, ♪
♪ 这是个欢乐的季节 ♪
♪ Don we now our gay apparel, ♪
♪ 穿上我们的喜乐[基]衣裳 ♪
♪ Did we leave the kids at Claire's house? ♪
♪ 我们是不是把孩子们忘在卡莱尔家 ♪
♪ Lily really needs a cellphone. ♪
♪ 真的该给莉莉买手机了 ♪
♪ Follow me in merry measure, ♪
♪ 跟着我踏着快乐的步伐 ♪