摩登家庭 第十季 Modern Family Season 10 第12集: Blasts from the Past

上映日期: 2,018

语言: 英语

影片类型: 喜剧 / 家庭

导演: 盖尔·曼库索 / 斯蒂文·莱维坦

演员: 艾德·奥尼尔 / 索菲娅·维加拉 / 朱丽·鲍温 / 泰·布利尔 / 杰西·泰勒·弗格森 / 艾瑞克·斯通斯崔特 / 萨拉·海蓝德 / 阿芮尔·温特 / 诺兰·古德 / 里克·罗德里格兹 / 奥布里·


台词
意大利真是最美丽的国家了 对吧
没错 食物美味 人好
我们停一下
宰了那个老头问问路
我们的意大利语说得越来越大了
We're taking a four-week bicycle trip
我们要穿越意大利的葡萄园
through the vineyards of Italy!
完成一次为期四周的自行车旅行
We figure that this summer, our whole lives
我们认为今年夏天 海莉 迪兰
are gonna be turned upside-down
还有他们的双胞胎宝宝搬进来以后
when Haley, Dylan, and their twins move in with us,
我们的生活会被搅得天翻地覆
so why not splurge on a grandbaby-moon?
所以干嘛不度个"外孙月"放松一下呢
So we've been hitting the language tapes,
因此我们一直在听语言学习带
the, uh -- the stationary bikes,
骑固定脚踏车
and a couple of times a day, I wolfishly whistle at Claire
而且我还一天对克莱尔吹好几次流氓哨
to prepare her for that timeless Roman charm.
让她为罗马人的经典热情做好准备
I can't believe after all those nights at Fratelli's
我不敢相信我们在弗里特利餐馆
talking about going to Italy,
聊了那么多次要去意大利之后
it's actually happening.
我们真的要去了
Ohh, American lady!
美国夫人
Why do you do this to me?
为什么你要这么对我
Don't make me practice my slap on you again. Mm.
别再逼我对你练习扇耳光了
What's that?
怎么了
Oh, I'm on hold. I'm booking us
我在等电话 我为咱们的周年纪念
into a converted castle in Tuscany
给咱俩预定了托斯卡纳的一座
- for our anniversary. - Does it have a moat?
-翻新城堡 -它有护城河吗
I've been working on all of our receipts for taxes.
我一直在处理我们所有的税单
Looks like we're getting a refund,
我们很可能得到一笔退款
which means that we can afford to --
那就意味着我们能够负担得起...
To pay the dwarf who will lower the drawbridge
让小矮人放下护城河上的吊桥
if we answer his riddles three?
只要我们能够回答出他的三个谜语
I'm gonna nip this in the bud. No moat.
让我先断了你的念想 没有护城河
This trip was such a great idea.
这趟旅行真是个好主意
Oh, I know.
我知道
Things are gonna be so hectic here this summer.
今年夏天这儿会一直忙忙碌碌的
It's weird to think people will be calling us
好诡异 一想到有人称呼我们为外公
- Grandpa and -- - No, please don't say it.
-和... -别说 千万别说
Don't say that word. It makes me feel so old.
别说那个词 它让我觉得自己好老
But I have thought about what I want them to call me.
但我想过让他们叫我什么了
- Gammy. ‭- Gammy.
-阿嬷 -阿嬷
Well, let's take her for a spin.
行 我们试试这词怎么样
"Hey, everyone, Gammy's here!"
"大家注意 阿嬷来啦"
"Sorry, guys, not today, Gammy's in a mood."
"抱歉 今天不行 阿嬷心情不好"
Yeah, it does. It works. ‭Mm. Yeah.
不错啊 这词行
- Hey, roomies. - Hey -- "roomies"?
-嗨 室友们 -嗨..."室友"
What is with all the boxes and the bags?
拿这些箱子和袋子做什么
Well, I know we said we'd move in when the babies come,
我知道我们说会等宝宝出生再搬进来
but then we thought about all the money we'd save.
但是后来我们想到早搬来早省钱
Mucho dinero.
许许多多钱[西语]
- Yes. - You look mad.
-好 -你看起来很生气
I should've told you. I was afraid to tell you.
我应该先告诉你的 我很害怕跟你说
I didn't think that I could handle the disappointment
因为如果你不乐意 我怕自己应付不来
if you weren't happy about it.
随之而来的失望
But you're not unhappy about it, right?
但你没有不开心吧 对吗
- Right?! - Oh, honey. Oh, honey.
-是吧 -亲爱的 亲爱的
Oh, my gosh, you're the best. I love you so much.
我的天 你最好了 我太爱你了
Wow! What a journey.
好一趟高潮迭起的情绪之旅啊
What is my life gonna be like when I'm in the hormonal stage?
等我荷尔蒙开始作乱了 生活会是什么样啊
Oh, wait, there was one more thing, um...
等一下 还有一件事情
Hey, where should I put these boxes?
我该把这些箱子放在哪儿
My mom surprised us. We were hoping
我妈突然来了
she could stay a couple days.
我们希望她能暂住几天
Hello, hello!
你们好 你们好
Well, it's about time we officially met,
我们也是时候该正式见面了
considering our DNA is already swirling around
考虑到我们的基因已经在海莉的子宫里
in Haley's womb.
难舍难分了
Phil.
菲尔
Oh, hey.
你好
- Claire. - Oh, hi.
-克莱尔 -你好
- I'm Farrah. - ‭Hi, Farrah.
-我是法拉 -你好 法拉
- You look so familiar. - Well, I meet a lot of people
-你看起来好眼熟 -我在抗议活动中
with my work in the protest movement.
认识了很多人
Oh, did you participate in the Ivory is Murder Fun Run?
你参加过"象牙就是谋杀"乐跑活动吗
- Not that I recall. - Sweetheart, why don't you show Farrah
-没印象 -亲爱的 不如你带法拉
- where she will be sleeping. - ‭Oh, no,
-看看她要睡在哪里吧 -不用了
I just need two weight-bearing hooks
我只需要两个承重钩子
spaced seven feet apart.
间隔七英尺就行了
This kimono converts to a hammock.
这件和服可以变成吊床
- Pronto! - ‭Italy!
-准备就绪[意语] -意大利
- They answered! Where's the phone? - Oh! Oh, no, no, no.
-他们回复了 我手机呢 -糟糕糟糕
- Where's the phone? - I got it, right here.
-手机去哪儿了 -找到了 这儿呢
You got it? Get it.
找到了吗 我接住了
Oh! Oh, buddy, I'm so sorry.
兄弟 我很抱歉
- Let me get you some ice. - Damn it!
-我给你拿点冰块 -该死
No, no, don't worry. I brought magnets.
别担心 我带了磁石
Is that the way she treats all head injuries?
她就这么处理头部受伤吗
Because I've got a theory.
这让我有了个理论
家 庭
摩 登
第十季 第十二集
I want to give these old toys to Haley's babies.
我想把这些旧玩具送给海莉的宝宝们
Oh, Joe, that's so sweet!
乔 你太有心了
Now I have room in the closet for my lizard.
现在我的壁柜里有地方放蜥蜴了
Lizard? I thought that you were just
蜥蜴 我以为你们只是去宠物店
going to the pet shop to look.
看一下而已
I can't say no to that face.
我没法对那张小脸说不
You're gonna have to be bad cop 'til puberty,
你得在他青春期前一直唱红脸了
you know, when the Pritchett Adam's apple
直到普里契特的喉结
and fuzz-stache show up.
和小胡茬冒出来的时候
Manny, you should also give something for the twins.
曼尼 你也应该给双胞胎点东西
You both are gonna be uncles.
你们都要当舅舅了
That's a very proud tradition in our family.
这在我们家是项光荣的传统
That's right, Joe. Our great-great Uncle Alvaro
说得没错 乔 我们的先祖阿尔瓦罗
was a famous South American freedom fighter.
是位有名的南美解放斗士
You're kidding? My Great Uncle Erasmus
你开玩笑吗 我的先祖伊拉兹马斯
was a hero at the Alamo.
是阿拉莫战争中的英雄
阿拉莫曾在德克萨斯独立战争中被墨西哥占领
We're four sentences away from realizing
我们再多说几句就会发现
they killed each other, right?
他们互相残杀了吧
Joe, next week, you have to go
乔 下周你要打扮成英雄
to school dressed as a hero.
去学校
Why don't you dress as Uncle Alvaro?
为什么不打扮成先祖阿尔瓦罗呢
Or Uncle Erasmus.
还是先祖伊拉兹马斯好
Ay, Jay, that's cute,
杰 好傻好天真
but Alvaro was not only a war hero.
阿尔瓦罗可不只是个战争英雄
He was a celebrated matador,
他还是有名的斗牛士
Frida Kahlo's tango instructor,
弗里达·卡罗[天才女画家]的探戈导师
two-time winner of the Bogota Herald
波哥大先驱报小漫画比赛的
cartoon caption contest.
两届冠军
No disrespect, but I don't think he was fit to shine
没有冒犯的意思 不过我觉得他连给
Erasmus J. Pritchett's boots,
伊拉兹马斯·杰·普里契特擦鞋都不配
戴维·克罗克特是阿拉莫战役中的战斗英雄
which, incidentally, were made by a 9-foot Texas diamondback
那鞋还是他跟戴维·克罗克特掰手腕的时候
he stomped to death while arm-wrestling Davy Crockett.
他一脚跺死的一条近三米长的响尾蛇做成的
Did he kill all his clothes?
他的衣服都是杀动物做成的吗
He sure did. Come upstairs. I'll show you.
是啊 来上楼 我给你看看
I got a ring of his with a tooth in it
我留着一个他的戒指 里面有颗牙
he punched out of a puma.
是他从美洲狮嘴里打下来的
Jay does this all the time.
杰总是这样
He disrespects our heritage and inflates his own.
他不尊重我们家族 吹嘘自己的
I mean, I'm not buying this Uncle Erasmus guy at all.
我一点都不相信什么先祖伊拉兹马斯的故事
I say we do a little digging.
我建议我们探究一下
Yes! We can be like Inspector Tortuga,
好 我们可以像托尔图加侦探一样
the turtle detective in Uncle Alvaro's
先祖阿尔瓦多大受欢迎的儿童书里的
popular children's book.
那个乌龟侦探
He was always very slowly solving crimes.
他总是慢慢地侦破罪案
Turns out Jay's Uncle Erasmus did live in Texas in the 1830s,
杰的先祖1830年左右确实住在德克萨斯
but not much was written about him.
但是关于他的描写不多
- Gretchen. - ‭Manuel.
-格雷琴 -曼尼尔
Again, I'm so sorry abou--
再一次 我非常抱歉
You'll have to return these within two weeks.
这些书你必须两周内还回来
Unlike my phone calls!
不像我的电话 你过了两周都不回
Senor.
臭小子
We had to dig deeper, and since history
我们必须深入挖掘 既然历史
is written by the victors...
是由胜利者书写的
Muchas gracias.
非常感谢
I brought my own.
我带了自己的
Mexican sources had a bit more to say
墨西哥的资料对他在阿拉莫战役中
about his actual involvement in the Alamo. ‭
真实的表现描写得更多一点
- Okay. - ‭Oh, really?
-好了 -真的吗
You want to give away the very first Gucci hoodie
你要把我给女儿买的第一件古驰卫衣
- I ever bought our daughter? - Okay, "First Gucci"
-送人吗 -就因为这"第一件古驰"
is why our retirement planner fired us as clients.
退休规划师才不给我们当顾问了
Also, Haley and Dylan are having twins, okay?
而且 海莉和迪伦的孩子是双胞胎
- They really need this stuff. - ‭I know.
-他们真的需要这些东西 -我知道
I-I-I still can't believe she's pregnant.
我还是不能相信她怀孕了
- Although... - I know you're about to say something catty.
-不过 -我知道你要说什么贱话了
You're practically purring.
你都要射出贱气了
Wasn't Claire a bit "fun" on her 20s?
克莱尔二十几岁的时候不是也"挺会玩"吗
You know, we have a saying back home --
你知道 我们老家有句俗话
"The crawdad don't skitter far from its crick."
"有其母必有其女"
Okay, you're clutching a Dolce & Gabbana onesie.
你手里拿着名牌衣服
Decide who you are.
你到底想当都市人还是乡下人
And, by the way, it's not like your family
再说了 你们家也有
doesn't have a wayward streak, okay?
一个惹事生非的家伙 好吗
Pam's not exactly responsible.
小帕可没多可靠
Oh, I'm sorry. Could an irresponsible woman
不好意思 一个不可靠的女人
win her prison's "Most Improved Wrestler" Award?
能在监狱获得"最有进步摔跤手"的奖吗
Okay, let's just admit
行了 我们就承认
we have wild women on both sides of the family.
两家都有狂野不羁的女人吧
Oh, God. Maybe it's good
天啊 可能莉莉身上
Lily wasn't saddled with those genes.
没有那些基因是件好事
She sure wasn't. If anything,
她肯定没有 就算有什么
I'm worried she acts a little young for her age.
我担心的也是她这么大了还有点幼稚
I mean, isn't 11 a little too old
我是说 她都十一岁了 长大到不适合
for these unicorns and teddy bears and --
玩这些独角兽和泰迪熊玩具了...
My... Playgirl?
天 《花花女郎》
Oh! Oh, God.
天啊
Where -- Where did she get that?
她从哪搞到这东西的
I didn't even know they still made these.
我都不知道这杂志还在出版
Although it's heartening print media isn't completely dead.
现在知道印刷媒体没有消亡还挺欣慰的
Okay, you're getting off track.
你跑题了
Our daughter is looking at naked men.
我们的女儿在看裸男
I know. We're gonna have to talk to her about it.
我知道 我们得跟她聊聊这件事
You know, my parents never talked to me
你知道吗 我的父母从来不跟我
about anything sexual. ‭
谈及性的话题
They just sent me to the stables
他们只是在马交配的时候
when the horses were breeding,
让我去马厩看着
and wow, did that create some unreasonable expectations.
害让我对"大小"有了些不切实际的期待
No way! Who told her that?
不会吧 谁告诉她的
She -- Uh-oh.
她...
The dads have their faces on. See you at the sleepover.
老爹们表情怪怪的 过夜的时候见
Hey!
好呀
So, listen, we need to talk to you about something.
是这样的 我们想跟你谈个事
We, uh -- We found a --
我们...
a magazine in your room.
在你房间里找到一本杂志
There's nothing to be embarrassed about.
这没什么好尴尬的
Oh, God, no, not at all. You're -- You're going through
老天 一点都不丢脸 你...
a very exciting period of -- of change
你正经历激动人心的转变时期
- and -- and hormones. - And -- And -- ‭And, um, urges.
-荷尔蒙也在释放 -也开始有冲动
Got it. Solid parenting.
知道了 你们真会教孩子
- See you tomorrow. - No, no, no, no, no, no.
-明天见 -不不不不不
- No, no, no. - Sweetheart. Come on.
-别走 -亲爱的 坐下
I-I-I know this is uncomfortable, but...
我知道聊这个让你很不自在 但是
You shouldn't be ashamed about wondering
你不应该为对性好奇
or being curious about sex.
而感到羞愧
You know, the mingling of bodies
肢体交缠
can be a beautiful expression of love.
也可以是表达爱的美好方式
Stop! They have classes about this in school,
别说了 学校里也有关于这个话题的课
and if you don't want me looking at magazines like that,
如果你们不希望我看那种杂志
don't leave them on the sofa!
就不要放在沙发上
The sofa? How did --
沙发 怎么...
- How did it get on the sofa? ‭- I don't know.
-怎么会跑到沙发上 -我不知道
I don't -- Ah, the babysitter.
我不... 是保姆
Or, you know, Haley, or -- or Pam, or Claire.
又或是海莉 或者小帕 也可能是克莱尔
We were just talking about how perverted they are.
我们刚刚还在聊她们几个有多变态
Wait a minute. This is from 1997.
等一下 这是1997年的杂志
And David Duchovny's on the cover.
封面是大卫·杜楚尼
Didn't you have a thing for David Duchovny?
你以前不是喜欢大卫·杜楚尼吗
Why -- Wha-- I don't even know who that is.
什么 我都不知道那是谁
He was on the -- you know, the cheesy sci-fi show,
他就是演那个俗套的科幻剧的
the, uh -- What was it? "The X-Files" or something?
叫什么来着 《X档案》之类的
You know, kind of a dumbed-down "Men in Black"?
就是弱智版的《黑衣人》
They had that saying, you know?
剧里面有个经典句子
Saying was, "The truth is... up there"?
好像是 "真相...就在上面"
You know damn well it's "The truth is out there"!
你明知道是"真相就在外面"
Don't -- Don't you crinkle it.
你别弄皱了
Why do you have a 20-year-old nudie mag?
你为什么有一本20年前的裸男杂志
Agent Mulder meant a lot to me, okay?
穆德探员对我意义重大 好吗
《X档案》男主角
He was brooding and handsome
他那么帅 总是眉头深锁
and obsessed with an uptight yet sexy redhead.
还迷恋一个虽然焦躁但性感的红毛[女主]
Yeah, well, guess what. You wouldn't have had a chance
你猜怎么着 你根本没机会
with David Duchovny because, look.
泡到大卫·杜楚尼 因为你看
One of his turn-offs is "Dishonest people."
他最不喜欢的就是"不诚实的人"
And why is it just lying around the house?
而且你为什么把杂志随便乱丢
I was bringing the trash bins
我前几天把垃圾桶
into the garage the other day,
拉回车库时
and I noticed an old box of my stuff.
注意到我的一箱旧物
I got nostalgic, and I decided to flip through it.
我觉得很怀念 于是决定翻看一下
- Wait, garbage day? L-Last Wednesday? - ‭Yeah.
-等等 垃圾日 就是上周三吗 -对
The day we opened the bottle of Merlot,
就是我们开了那瓶梅洛干红
took it back to the bedroom,
拿进卧室喝
and had a rather spectacular... session?
然后有了"超乎寻常的体验"那晚吗
- Uh, was it that night? - Oh, please,
-是那晚吗 -你少来
it was the first time in years I'd seen your eyes
那是多年来你第一次不是因为鄙视
roll back in your head without irony.
而[爽到]翻白眼
Well, excuse me if I am attracted to you.
我深受你吸引 真是不好意思啊
Except it wasn't just me, was it?
但不只是因为我 对吗
There were three of us in that bed.
那晚床上有三个人
I sent you a dozen roses the next day.
我第二天还送了你一打红玫瑰
Apparently, I should've sent six to David Duchovny.
原来我应该送其中六朵给大卫·杜楚尼啊
Oh, come on!
要不要这样
So what? I got a little extra worked up
我看完性感美男图
after looking at a sexy picture.
比平时更性奋点 有什么大不了
People do it all the time.
这是很普遍的事
Pepper said it's the only reason he buys Brawny paper towels.
胡娇说这是他买"猛男"牌纸巾的唯一理由
So, I guess I'm weird for wanting to purely connect
那我想在情感层面上只与你一人产生共鸣
with you on an emotional level.
是我奇葩
Know what? I'm going to the gym.
算了 我去健身房了
And good news, David Duchovny.
好消息 大卫·杜楚尼
You're not gonna be alone on the sofa tonight.
你今晚不会孤单一人在沙发上了
Can you please hand me my iPod?
请你把iPod递给我好吗
You've robbed me of my dignity.
你已经剥夺了我的尊严
You will not also rob me of my glorious exit.
不能把我霸气的离场也夺走
Thank you!
谢谢
There you go, buddy.
好了 哥们
Now you look like a real hero.
现在你看起来像个真正的英雄了
I don't think I'm allowed to bring a knife to school.
我想我应该不能带刀去学校
It's not sharp at all.
一点都不锋利[机灵]啦
And neither, apparently, are you.
显然你也不机灵
I told you if we waited a few minutes
我说了吧 如果我们等几分钟
he'd give us a delicious segue.
他就会帮我们铺好梗
Your uncle Erasmus Pritchett
你的先祖伊拉兹马斯·普利契特
was a hero at the Alamo...
在阿拉莫之战中是英雄没错
but for the other side.
不过是敌军那边的
Yeah, he hid in a closet during the fighting,
没错 交战时他躲在衣柜里
then stole a dress and escaped
然后偷了一条裙子
by pretending to be a prostitute.
假扮成妓女逃走了
What?! I don't believe you.
什么 我不相信你说的
These are official church documents.
这些是教会官方文献
In this part, it says that he traded military secrets
这一段说到他用军方机密
for rum and a new corset.
交换朗姆酒和新胸衣
"To this day, in Nuevo Laredo, 'to Erasmus'
"至今 在新拉雷多 '伊拉兹马斯'
means 'to cry facedown on the ground.'"
仍代表'趴在地上哭'的意思"
There's a picture of him cringing.
这有一张他怂样的照片
I can't believe I named my lizard Erasmus.
我不敢相信我给我的蜥蜴取名伊拉兹马斯
It was wartime, Joe!
那是战时 乔
We can't judge a man who has lived through that kind of hell.
他遭受了地狱般的经历 我们不能因此鄙视他
He spent his post-war years
他战后一直在
spreading the gospel of vegetarianism.
散布素食主义的福音
I have no uncle.
我没这个先祖
Oh. This homeopathic remedy
这种顺势治疗药
is really gonna help Haley with morning sickness.
一定能改善海莉的孕吐
Uh-huh. ‭I got the recipe from a doula
我坐优步时
I met in an Uber pool.
遇到的助产师给我了这个偏方
Well, you were right about one thing.
你有一件事是对的
It does -- It does smell like
的确闻起来像
a buffalo that was struck by lightning.
被闪电击中的水牛
When -- When are you heading back up to Oregon?
你什么时候回俄勒冈啊
Oh, I'm done with that place.
我在那儿待够了
Oldest story in the world.
世上最老套的故事
You know, I thought I found a nice guy, then one morning,
我以为我找到了一个好人 但一天早上
he up and tells me he's found six new women.
他说他找到了六个新女人
Mm. ‭I'm done with Bhagwans.
我受够那些奥修大师了
Coming back as Dylan's mother?
以迪兰妈妈的身份重返人间
Not funny, Mom.
不好玩 妈妈
Not funny at all!
一点都不好玩
Buddy, are you sure you're okay?
老兄 你真的没事吗
Trust me, I'm a nurse.
相信我 我是个护士
By now there'd be clear signs if I had a concursion.
如果我有脑"真"荡 现在就会有明显症状
Gosh, your mom looks familiar.
天 你妈看起来好眼熟
She used to do a little modeling.
她以前做过一阵模特
Recently, she had her likeness stolen
她照片最近还被人盗用去
for one of those "Freeze-the-Fat" Billboards.
"脂肪冷却手术"的广告牌上
‭Dylan's Mom was the hot chick
迪兰的妈妈是
in the "Sex Kitty" music video.
《性感小野猫》音乐视频里的辣妹
♪ Sex kitty ♪
♪ 性感小野猫 ♪
♪ Sexy kitty ♪
♪ 性感小野猫 ♪
♪ Sex kitty ♪
♪ 性感小野猫 ♪
♪ Se-- ♪
♪ 性 ♪
The songwriting isn't perfect,
歌写得不怎么样
but this video changed everything.
但这个视频让歌起死回生
♪ Sex kitty, se-- ♪
♪ 性感小野猫 性... ♪
Those bikes don't live there, do they?
那俩自行车不住那吧
'Cause that is an ideal north-facing spot
因为那是摆放生产浴缸的绝佳位置
for a birthing tub.
刚好面朝北
I wasn't aware that Haley
我不知道海莉
was considering a home birth.
考虑在家生孩子
Oh, I wasn't, but then Farrah really opened up my eyes
我本来没打算 但法拉让我看清了
to the birth-industrial complex.
生产工业的丑陋面目
You know, this room is kind of vibrating
这个房间有点在散发出
with ancient wounds.
古老伤痕的感觉
- Let's sage the area. - Okay.
-我们用驱邪鼠尾草熏一下 -好的
Dylan, honey, do you think you could grab that fan
迪兰 亲爱的 你能拿个电风扇
and maybe de-funk the kitchen a little?
吹散下厨房的怪味吗
Oh, my God.
天啊
Is, uh -- Is Dylan's mom at all familiar to you?
迪兰的妈妈是不是很眼熟
Yes! Thank God you noticed it, too.
是的 谢天谢地你也注意到了
I can't believe that is gonna be in our life on a regular basis.
我不敢相信这将会成为我们生活的常态
I know. She's been driving me kind of crazy
我知道 她快要把我弄疯了
since I was a kid.
自我小时候开始
Do you know how many nights I went to bed
你知道有多少个夜晚我在床上
screaming her name into a pillow?
用枕头捂着嘴大叫她的名字吗
Go on. ‭
继续说
- She broke it! - No, you broke it!
-她弄坏了 -不 是你弄坏了
Girls, it's fine! Also, who are you?
姑娘们 没关系 另外 你们是谁
Oh, I get my stepdaughters once a month
我每月得带一次我的继女
when my ex-wife's on rotation with the National Guard.
我前妻要在国民警卫队轮班
Mm. ‭Girls, be careful with the chinchilla, okay?
孩子们 小心南美栗鼠 好吗
You know he has a nervous bowel.
你们知道他很容易被吓得屁滚尿流
- Hi, girls! - Gammy!
-姑娘们 -阿嬷
Gammy?
阿嬷
The girls call you Gammy?
姑娘们叫你阿嬷吗
That's funny, because I was hoping
有意思了 因为我也希望
when Haley's twins came along,
海莉的双胞胎将来
they might call me that.
这么叫我
Oh, well, that might be confusing.
那恐怕会容易弄混
But maybe you could be something else.
但你可以被叫做其他啊
- How about "Gaga"? - Maybe we don't have to lock
-嬷嬷怎么样 -或许我们现在
anything down right now.
还不用确定任何叫法下来
Oh, my God. I love it!
天啊 我喜欢
Hey, Gaga!
你好啊 嬷嬷
Squeaker's loose! Get him!
小鼠跑了 抓住他
I'll get him!
我来
- Do you see it, Phil? - ‭What?!
-你看到了吗 菲尔 -什么
No, I didn't see anything, so...
没 我什么也没看到
I'm so sorry, D!
对不起 小迪
If you weren't my hero,
要不是因为你是我偶像
I'd wonder if you're doing this on purpose!
我要怀疑你是故意的了
Oh, my God, Dad!
天啊 爸爸
What's wrong with him, Mom?
他怎么回事啊 妈
- Mom? - Claire?
-妈 -克莱尔
Gaga?
嬷嬷
Hey, handsome, this seat taken?
帅哥 这个座位有人吗
Hey, what are you doing here?
你来这干嘛
Well, I brought you a smoothie, although,
我给你带了奶昔 但...
you don't need it because you're already
你不需要 因为你已经是
100% fruity deliciousness.
百分百的美味果缤纷了
Maybe I just get right to it.
或许我该直奔主题
Look, Mitchell, I appreciate what you're doing --
米奇尔 我很感激你的心意...
No, no, listen.
不 听我说
Lily's at a sleepover tonight,
莉莉今晚去朋友家过夜
so I got us a suite at Whispers Resort and Spa.
所以我在耳语度假水疗中心定了套房
Isn't that the place, uh, Jen Aniston goes to
就是珍妮弗·安妮斯顿离婚后
- after her divorces? - ‭Yes.
-去的那家吗 -是的
And I'm sorry about the silly Playgirl thing.
《花花女郎》的事我很抱歉
I-I want you to feel what I feel every day.
我想让你体验我每天所体验的感觉
That you only have eyes for me.
就是你眼里除了我没有别人
Call me old-fashioned. I just don't see other men.
你可以说我传统 我就是心里容不下别的男人
Sweetie, your-your heart rate's setting off an alarm.
亲爱的 你的心率高到警报响了
Why-why don't you get off that bike?
你还是先别骑车了
Yeah, that's a good idea. You know what?
是啊 好主意 不如这样
Why don't we go to the spa, see if we can get an early treatment?
我们先去水疗 看能不能提前开始项目
I love that.
我喜欢
Oh, smoothie.
奶昔
Okay.
好的
Hey, you're-you're really sweating.
你真的出了好多汗
You should get a towel.
你该拿条毛巾擦擦了
Okay, you're acting weird.
你表现得好奇怪
- What's going on? - Okay, look, I just --
-到底怎么回事 -好吧 我只是
Um, I'm excited about that hotel.
因为酒店很兴奋
I mean, there's a lot of Hollywood history there.
那里发生过好多好莱坞名人名事
You know, they say
传闻
the Little Rascals used to have orgies there.
《小淘气》那帮演员常在那搞群交
Hey, Cam!
小卡
I almost forgot the homemade protein bars you brought for us!
我差点忘了你给我们做的自制蛋白棒
Well, I'll see you next time!
下次见
Yeah! Who is that?
好 这人谁啊
Wow, that's an interesting view.
这片风光可真有意思
What? It's a parking lot.
哪有意思了 停车场而已
- There's a Dumpster. - Oh, please. Come on.
-那有个垃圾桶 -拜托 少来了
You picked this bike so you could have a front-row seat
你选这辆单车是为了能在前排
to this little peep sho-
观摩这场猛男...
Oh! Oh, my God.
我的天
That night of our "Spectacular session,"
我们那晚"超乎寻常的体验"
you had just come from the gym.
正好是你从健身房回家后
Well, I-I wonder what got your engine so revved up, huh?
真好奇你那天劲头为什么那么足
The truth is out there!
真相就在外面
Okay, you know what?
你知道吗
I'm weak, okay?
我很容易动摇 行了吧
I can't believe you shamed me for looking at a magazine
真不敢相信你因为我看杂志而羞辱我
when you've been baking protein bars
而你一直在给这群猛男
- for Thunder from Down Under! - Maybe that's why.
-做蛋白棒 -或许就是这个原因
It's because I-I felt guilty about this.
这让我很内疚
Well, don't, okay?
不必内疚 明白吗
We are allowed to look at other men
我们可以去看其他男人
without feeling guilty about it.
不必觉得内疚
And-and if it inspires you, then go for it,
要是这样能激发你 大可去看
because at the end of the day,
因为归根结底
I'm the one who gets to reap the rewards.
好处都是我享用了
That's true. Okay. Look, I'm sorry.
这话没错 好吧 我很抱歉
Let's just get out of here.
我们快离开这吧
Oh, now? Okay.
这就走 好吧
Maybe I should join this gym.
或许我该加入这间健身房
No, stick to your vintage nudie mags.
不行 继续看你的怀旧裸男杂志去
This is mine.
这里是我的
- What's his name? - Chuck.
-他叫什么 -查克
Oh, Chuck.
查克
Oh, Joe, so adorable,
乔 太可爱了
you look like a little Uncle Alvaro!
你看起来像幼年版阿尔瓦罗先祖
One last touch -- the pocket watch,
最后的点睛之笔 怀表
permanently broken at 3:30
永远停在3点30分
after it stopped a bullet shot by a very drunk
因为它挡住了善妒的弗洛伦斯·南丁格尔
and jealous Florence Nightingale.
酒醉后射出的子弹
Maybe it was sour grapes,
或许我是酸葡萄心理
but this guy was starting to sound like baloney.
但我开始觉得这家伙是个骗子
I was sure that if I left no stone unturned,
我很确定假如我用尽一切手段
eventually, one day,
最终 某天
I'd find some dirt on Great Uncle Alvaro.
我会找到先祖阿尔瓦罗的丑闻
I knew it!
我就知道
Simón Francisco Alvaro
西蒙·弗朗西斯科·阿尔瓦罗
would go from town to town, seducing wealthy widows
辗转于不同小镇 勾引有钱寡妇
with made-up stories of his bravery in battle.
编造自己在战争中的勇敢故事骗她们
After frittering away their fortunes on drink and dice,
把她们的所有钱财都浪费在喝酒赌博上
he would move on, leaving his victims with nothing
然后换下一目标 只给他的受害人
but a single red rose
留下一枝红玫瑰
and syphilis.
和梅毒
Who's up for a little history lesson?
有人想听历史小课堂吗
- It seems -- - Wait, wait, wait, wait.
-看起来 -等一下
Do it again.
再演一次
The yoke of Spanish oppression
哥伦比亚的肩头
will chafe Colombian shoulders no longer!
将不会再套上西班牙压迫的缰绳
My saber thirsts for European blood!
我的佩剑在渴求欧洲人的鲜血
- So cute! - ‭Bravo!
-太可爱了 -好极了
He looked it up and memorized it himself.
他自己查到背下来的
Hey, Dad. You know how kids tease me
爸 你知道那些孩子
'cause I'm the shortest kid in the class?
总笑我是班上最矮的吗
Oh, don't listen to what they say!
可别听他们说的那些鬼话
Right! Uncle Alvaro was only five feet tall
没错 先祖阿尔瓦罗只有一米五
and he led a whole army!
可是他领导了一整支军队
I'm gonna be brave like him.
我要像他一样勇敢
Viva Uncle Alvaro.
先祖阿尔瓦罗万岁
I enjoyed a lot of years taking pride in my great uncle.
我享受了很多年以我先祖为荣的日子
I didn't want to rob Joe of that.
我不想夺走乔在这方面的机会
It wasn't easy biting my tongue,
忍着不说真的很不容易
but I took a page from another heroic relative --
但我向家族里另一个伟大的先人学习
Lulach McPritchett --
他就是鲁拉赫·麦普里契特
proud Scottish warrior, captured by the English,
勇敢骄傲的苏格兰勇士 被英国佬所捕获
tortured for months using every method imaginable,
用尽世上各种手段刑求逼供
and never once giving up a single secret.
但他还是没有透漏任何一点秘密
Don't look him up.
别去查他
Signora, why so sad?
夫人[意语] 为何如此难过
Let me see that big macaroni smile, ah?
让我看看你如通心粉般的大微笑好吗
How did you find me?
你怎么找到我在这
Antonio called and said
安东尼奥打电话来说
you'd ordered a flaming Sambuca... ‭
你点了一杯燃烧森布卡茴香酒...
...and just watched it burn.
但一口没喝 只静静看它燃烧
It's all just going too fast.
一切都发展得太快了
Five months ago,
五个月前
Haley got back together with Dylan.
海莉刚跟迪兰复合
Then my mom dies. Then Haley's pregnant.
然后我妈妈去世 再接着海莉就怀孕了
Then it's twins.
后来还发现是双胞胎
Then, "Come move in with us this summer" turns into
接下来"搬过来暂住一个夏天"变成了
"Ding-dong, we're here with an early preview of twins
"叮咚 为您带来双胞胎提前体验包
and an incontinent chinchilla,
与一只大小便失控的南美栗鼠
and, in the most terrifying return since Freddy Krueger
而且呢 比《猛鬼街》杀人魔佛莱迪
sashayed his way back onto Elm Street,
重返榆树街大开杀戒还可怕的是
my mother reincarnated into the body of Farrah."
我妈妈转世附身在了法拉的身体上"
How -- How are you handling this all so well?
你... 你怎么能对这一切都如此淡定
Who says I am?
谁说我淡定了
I had to get out of there,
我不得不离开家里
or I was gonna make Haley a single mom.
不然我要害海莉成为单亲妈妈了
I hit Dylan again, Claire.
我连伤了迪兰两次
- But not on purpose. - ‭Are we sure?
-但你不是有意的啊 -能确定吗
You mean, like, you might have some buried anger
你是说你心里可能暗藏怨念
towards him stealing away your baby girl?
记恨他偷走了你的宝贝闺女吗
Oh, I so want it to be on purpose.
我真希望你是故意的
Gets lonely out here on crazy island.
我自己一个人在疯人岛上好孤独啊
Oh, well,
没事啦
we still have Italy.
我们好歹还有意大利嘛
Do we?
真的有吗
Listen, I've been doing some research on twins,
听我说 我上网查过了双胞胎
and it seems that, like our daughter, they --
它们容易像我们的女儿当年那样
they tend to come early.
提早出生
Even if it's a 1-in-10 chance,
但哪怕只有10%的几率
I can't risk having the only maternal figure present
我也不想到时候海莉身边唯一的母性角色
be that tub-birthing Wiccan.
是那个浴缸生产的妖女
I got to be there for Haley.
我得在她身边陪她
It's overwhelming for sure,
的确是很压力山大
but haven't a ton of our best memories
但我们许许多多的美好回忆
come from the anarchy of our house?
不都是从一家人的各种混乱中产生的吗
Like when Luke got his head stuck in the banister?
比如卢克把脑袋卡在栏杆中
Which time?
哪一次被卡住
Or when -- when Alex's science fair project
或是艾丽克斯的科学展览设计
blacked out the whole neighborhood
害整个邻里各家各户都停电了
during the Super Bowl? ‭
而且还是在超级碗期间
Or when, uh,
还有
Haley snuck in Luke's window
海莉想从卢克的窗户溜进家
- the same week we bought him a slingshot? - ‭Oh, God.
-结果那周我们才刚给卢克买了弹弓 -天啊
That was... Mm.
真的是...
So, it's a-a madhouse,
我们家是有点像疯人之家
but on the other hand,
但换另一个角度想
we're gonna have a couple babies in the house,
这个家马上就要迎接几个新的宝宝了
and they'll be Haley and Dylan's.
他们会是海莉与迪兰的宝宝
‭So they'll be doing funny stuff.
他们一定会闹出很多笑料
So...
所以...
looks like we are going on a trip?
感觉我们还是会去旅行啦
向人生这场冒险致敬
与你在一起 每天都是割草机
我一定是世界上最高大的男人
- Gretchen. ‭- Manuel.
-格雷琴 -曼尼尔
Look, I really am sorry about the way things ended --
我对我们不欢而散感到抱歉
That chapter is closed.
为时已晚
We have a strictly business relationship now.
我们现在是单纯的工作关系
Did you enjoy this book, or did you find your eyes
还喜欢这本书吗 还是你的眼睛
drifting toward a shorter Jewish one?
瞟向了更短小的犹太书籍[人]
Okay, Shoshana and I are over.
听我说 我跟肖莎娜已经结束了
It was beyond hurtful that you found a woman
最伤心的就是当我发现
whose name has two "shhh" sounds in it.
你另找的姑娘名字里还带有两个"嘘"的音
Clearly, you're still upset
显然你还在伤心
and there is no hope for reconciliation.
而且看来也没机会握手言和了
So...
既然如此
I'll just say good-bye
我想向你道别
and hope you'll allow me to play myself off with our song.
并希望你会允许我在我们的爱歌中退场
《性感小野猫》