摩登家庭 第十季 Modern Family Season 10 第16集: Red Alert

上映日期: 2,018

语言: 英语

影片类型: 喜剧 / 家庭

导演: 盖尔·曼库索 / 斯蒂文·莱维坦

演员: 艾德·奥尼尔 / 索菲娅·维加拉 / 朱丽·鲍温 / 泰·布利尔 / 杰西·泰勒·弗格森 / 艾瑞克·斯通斯崔特 / 萨拉·海蓝德 / 阿芮尔·温特 / 诺兰·古德 / 里克·罗德里格兹 / 奥布里·


台词
Do you hear that? I can't find my phone.
你听到了吗 我找不到手机了
I think it's coming from the fruit bowl.
听起来像是从水果碗里传出来的
Oh, no.
不要啊
I've been doing sleep magic again.
我又开始梦游变魔术了
You look like you haven't slept at all.
你看起来像完全没睡过觉
Maybe an hour or two a night.
可能一晚就只睡了一两小时吧
I've tried everything:
我什么都试过了
warm shower before bed, meditation,
睡前的热水澡 冥想
reading my operating system's user agreement.
阅读我手机操作系统的用户协议
Did you try asking Alex about the struggles that are unique
你有没有试过问艾丽克斯
to women in science?
女性在科学领域所特有的挣扎
Late last night. I think she's still going.
昨晚深夜时候问的 她好像还没讲完
It's the worst possible timing.
这失眠时机太糟糕了
I have a video shoot for a big listing today,
我今天要为一个重要的待售屋拍广告
and I'm supposed to be on camera.
而且我也得上镜
I gotta go.
我得走了
Dad, your keys.
爸爸 你的钥匙
You know what? I'll drive.
我来开车吧
Good luck with your interview.
祝你面试顺利
Oh, you know what? I decided to pass on that.
你猜怎么着 我决定不去了
Why?
为什么
That's an amazing job, and you were so excited.
那是个很棒的工作 你之前表现得很期待啊
I think I was flattered.
我想那只是我感到受宠若惊吧
Like when you go to a bar and a guy sends you a drink.
就像你去酒吧 有人送来一杯酒那样
I'm at the leading scientific university in the country.
我不懂好吗 我在国内顶尖的科技大学读书
Those guys can't even look their robots in the eye.
里面的宅男连他们机器人的眼睛都不敢直视
I was asked to interview for CEO of Uncle Ned's Cookies,
我被邀请去"内德叔叔饼干"面试首席执行官职位
a major player in the snack food industry.
那公司是休闲食品行业的重量级选手
The position opened up because it turns out
这个职位空缺原来是因为
Uncle Ned liked to play fast and loose with...
内德叔叔喜欢在工作时玩弄...
his genitals at work.
他的生殖器
Mom, you need to take that interview.
妈妈 你需要参加这场面试
Now that they're purging male creeps
现在人们正在把雄性渣滓
from executive positions,
清除出行政职位
strong women are finally getting their seat at the table.
强大的女性终得在谈判桌上占有一席之地
Honey, I already have a seat at the table.
亲爱的 我已经有一席之地了
In fact, at the head of the table.
实际上 我在谈判桌的主位呢
You mean when Grandpa's not there?
你是说当外公不在时吗
Tables have two heads.
谈判桌有两个主位
I'm only bringing out my trademark hard truths
我只是说出了我标志性的残酷事实
because I don't want you to pass up
因为我不想让你放弃
an amazing opportunity in deference to the patriarchy.
在父权制顺从社会中出头的绝佳机会
Honey, I have a lot of amazing opportunities at my current job.
宝贝 我现在的工作里有许多绝佳机会
And isn't Uncle Ned's basically just stoner food?
而且"内德叔叔"不都是抽大麻的人在吃的吗
We love Uncle Ned's!
我们爱"内德叔叔"
I miss those.
我好想念它们
Thank you for your concern, but I'll be fine.
谢谢你的关心 不过我会没事的
Maybe I'm just projecting my own frustrations
也许我只是在发泄我自己
with the science world.
在科学界的挫折感
You know, there are only three female PhDs --
你知道吗 那里只有三名女博士
Sweetheart, I'm sorry, but I have to stay alert.
甜心 很抱歉 我得保持清醒不能犯困
家 庭
摩 登
第十季 第十六集
Lily, sweetie, open up. We're gonna be late for school.
莉莉宝贝 开门 上学要迟到了
I'm not going! Leave me alone!
我不去上学 别管我
- Another meltdown. - She's locked herself in the bathroom.
-另一个危机 -她把自己锁浴室里了
Now don't you wish you'd let me build that outhouse?
现在你后悔当初没让我在后院建茅房了吧
Still no.
不后悔
W-What is going on with her?
她 她怎么了
S-She's been so moody recently,
她最近变得好情绪化
screaming one minute, crying the next.
前一分钟还在尖叫 下一分钟就哭了
You know what? I think I know what this might be.
我想我知道这是什么情况了
She had a volcano due in science class today,
她要在今天的科学课上交一座火山模型
and when I was her age and had a big project,
我在她这年纪时 肩负重任的话
I'd get stressed out and act just like this.
我会焦虑不安 表现得和这一样
You know, I still have nightmares about
你知道吗 我到现在都还在做
my War of Northern Aggression diorama.
当年北方侵略战争模型的噩梦
Okay. What did we say when we got married?
好了 我们结婚时说了什么
Never go to bed angry
永远不带着怒气上床
and you have to call it the Civil War.
以及叫它内战 而不是北方侵略你们南方
Okay, I'll go check and see how far she's gotten.
好了 我去看看她作业做到什么程度了
Okay, Lily, honey, come on. Come out, all right?
好 莉莉宝贝 出来吧 好吗
We can help you fix your volcano,
我们能帮你修好你的火山
and -- and you'll still make it to school.
你还是能来得及上学的
Worst comes to worst,
最坏的结果不过就是
you'll be a little late for your first period.
第一节课[初潮]稍稍迟到一点
Actually, she's a little early.
其实 她可能"早到"了
So --
所以...
Lily is a menstruator now.
莉莉现在是个月经者了
That's not what you call it.
不是那样叫的
Well, I'm just ashamed to admit
我只是有点羞于承认
that we never really prepared her for it.
我们从未帮她准备过这个
Hey, we tried that one time.
我们曾经试过一次
Hey, girl. Hey!
姑娘 你好啊
So, sweetie, Daddy and I were wondering if,
宝贝 小爸和我在想
now that you're wearing a training bra,
既然你开始穿少女文胸了
if you had any other questions about your changing body.
如果你对自己正在改变的身体还有其他疑问
Can we just not?
我们能不说这个吗
- Sounds good. - ‭Yeah, perfect.
-听起来不错 -好极了
I thought you were gonna ask Claire
我以为你会请克莱尔
to talk to Lily about this.
跟莉莉说说这个
Well, I was, but when I tried, Claire was in such a mood,
我有尝试 但当时克莱尔心情很不好
because, ironically...
因为讽刺的是[更年期]...
Okay, we can't screw this up. We cannot give her a complex.
我们不能搞砸 不能让她有心理阴影
Okay, you see if you can track down Claire.
你看看能不能联系到克莱尔
I will go to the pharmacy
我会去药房
and try and conquer my fear of the feminine care aisle.
试着克服我对女性护理用品通道的恐惧
Poor Lily.
可怜的莉莉
You know, it could be worse.
还可能更糟
If she were a sheep, she'd be dealing with this every 17 days.
如果她是羊 每十七天都要这样一次
Promise you won't say that while I'm gone.
答应我 我不在时你不会这样说
All right, let's try the swaddle again.
好了 我们再来试试包襁褓
Our blankets are folded into triangles,
把毛毯折成三角状
we do a left tuck,
左边折一下
a toe tuck,
下面折一下
a right tuck,
右边折一下
and voila, baby burrito.
然后大功告成 婴儿卷饼就好啦
Ugh! How did you do yours?!
你是怎么包成功的
I guess that summer working at Burrito Basement
那个暑假在地下室卷饼小作坊工作
was worth the E. Coli.
感染大肠杆菌 现在终于值得了
Dylan and I have been taking a baby care class.
迪兰和我正在上婴儿护理课程
It's frustrating, because even though he's missed some,
很令人沮丧 因为即使他缺了一些课
he's crushing it.
成绩也能大杀四方
The class, not the practice doll.
是说课程啦 不是练习用的宝宝
That was me.
杀宝宝的人是我
Let's move on.What else do we have to get down for today?
继续吧 我们今天还要练习什么
- Burping. - ‭Great!
-拍嗝 -太好了
A bur-bur-burp. Boom. What's next?
我拍拍拍 牛逼 还有什么
Hold on, Mom.
等等 妈妈
Do you remember the four other methods
你还记得万一过肩拍不管用时
in case over-the-shoulder doesn't work?
其他的四种方法吗
Uh, was one scare 'em?
其中一招是找人把他吓出嗝吗
There's over-the-lap,
还有放在大腿上拍
over-the-knee,
膝上拍
Grandmother's burp, and the bounce burp.
奶奶式拍 和蹦蹦拍
Ugh. Why do I suck at this?
为什么我学这么慢啊
I know it's overwhelming, but you're gonna get there.
我理解这内容很多 不过你会慢慢学会的
Don't worry.
别担心
Stop showing off.
别炫耀了
Oh, good. You're sitting down.
太好了 你在这坐着呢
We have a problem.
我们有个问题
I went on the company website, and somebody left off
我上公司官网 发现有人
the brushed brass upgrade on the Executive Premiere.
取消了总裁级柜的磨砂铜升级
Oh, yeah. Yeah, I eighty-sixed that.
是的是的 我停止磨砂铜升级了
I already signed off on it.
可是我已经签署同意了
They probably just wanted to double-check with me.
可能他们后来又想来跟我确认一下
You know, I do have 30 years' experience.
你也知道 我确实有三十年的经验
Closet Time Magazine once called me
《橱柜时代周刊》曾经称我为
"The Neil Armstrong of the storage space race."
"存储空间[太空]竞赛中的尼尔·阿姆斯特朗"
Okay, Dad, you work two days a week,
得了吧 爸 你一周就工作两天
and you spent the entire last staff meeting
上次员工会议还全程涂鸦
doodling a pineapple.
画菠萝
How about this -- take the helm on the Berkshire line.
这么着吧 你掌管伯克郡生产线
I discontinued that.
我中断那个项目了
Yeah, but then Jeff cornered me in the men's room,
是这样没错 不过后来杰夫在洗手间逼我
and I relaunched it.
我又重启了
Okay, Dad, you are putting me in an impossible position.
好吧 爸 你这样让我十分难做
I make decisions, and then you go around undermining them.
我做完决定 一个转身你就推翻我的决定
Everybody values your opinions around here, Claire.
这里的大家都很重视你的看法 克莱尔
In fact, I'd like your opinion right now.
事实上 我现在就需要你的看法
Does this look like an igloo?
这个看着像个冰屋吗
Uncle Ned's Cookies wants me to be their CEO.
内德叔叔饼干公司想让我去当首席执行官
What?! You're considering Uncle Ned's?!
什么 你在考虑去内德叔叔公司
Are you on reefer?!
你嗑药嗑高了吗
That company has tremendous growth potential.
那家公司有巨大的增长潜力
It's snacks! This is closets!
那只是零食 这可是衣柜
You're already at the show!
你现在已经在大舞台上了
At least there, I can be the boss
至少在那里 我能做老板
and not just the boss's daughter.
而不只是老板的女儿
Is this the part where I apologize
所以现在是到了我跟你道歉
for handing you a company
抱歉把曾经被《高级衣柜杂志》
Closet Fancy once called "Top shelf"?!
称为"顶层"的公司交给你的环节吗
No, this is the part where I take an interview
不 是到了我要去参加面试
with people who actually recognize my value!
跟那些能真正认同我价值的人共事的环节
Damn whisper slides.
静音滑动门都摔不出气势
Is Lily still in the bathroom?
莉莉还在卫生间吗
No, I used Larry's cat box for fun.
你说呢 我用猫砂上厕所是为了好玩吗
Okay. Really? She needed all of this?
真的假的 她需要这么多吗
It was totally overwhelming.
太多选择我不知如何是好
I just -- I just grabbed as much as I could.
我把能拿的都拿了
I have tampons, maxi pads, variety packs --
这里有卫生棉条 卫生巾 各种尺寸
oh, and this thing called a Diva Cup,
对了 还有这个叫女王[月经]杯的东西
'cause, I don't know, sounded kind of cute.
听起来感觉很可爱就买了
So, what are we supposed to do?
那 我们现在该做什么
We can't just throw these boxes in there and wish her good luck.
总不能把这些盒子丢过去祝她好运吧
Oh, thank God.
感谢上帝
Is that Claire? Did you reach her?
那是克莱尔吗 你联系她了吗
No, she wasn't answering, so I -- I called for backup.
不是 她没有回复 所以我呼叫了后援
Thank you for including me in this special time.
谢谢你们让我参与到这个特别的时刻
I brought flowers because our Lily's blossoming!
我带来了花 因为我们的莉莉正如花般盛开
Well, we really appreciate you helping us out.
好 我们真的非常感谢你来帮忙
Of course.
应该的
This is when it's good to have a woman in the house.
这就是家里有个女人的好处了
Not that two men raising a daughter
我完全没有说两个男人养育女儿
is unnatural in any way.
是违背自然规律的意思
Pretty sure no one was thinking that.
我很确定刚才完全没人想到这个
Sorry -- I-I panicked and sent a group text
抱歉 我慌了手脚 群发了信息
because I didn't know who would respond.
因为不知道谁会回复
Hey. I brought Lily some pamphlets.
你们好啊 我给莉莉带了知识小册子
Understanding the biology will help make her
理解生理知识能让她
more comfortable with her menses.
更坦然面对自己的小经经
Mensies? How is that not a gay bar for little men?
"小精精" 快来人把小个子同志酒吧叫这个啊
- We should-- - We're not buying another domain name.
-我们应该... -我们不会再买一个域名了
She doesn't need pamphlets.
她不需要生理知识册子
She needs love and support.
她需要的是爱和支持
It's a beautiful rite of passage
这是一场美妙的仪式
that is going to connect her with women everywhere.
将把她和每一个女人联结起来
Let's not get poetic. It hurts like hell.
别那么诗意了 疼起来要命的
And that's why I brought all the ingredients
所以我带了给她做传统哥伦比亚
to make her a traditional Colombian period poultice,
月经药糊的所有材料
and she can rub it on her belly when she gets cramps.
等她痛经的时候可以敷在肚子上
Or she could just take some ibuprofen.
或者她吃点布洛芬就好了
Oh, but is that going to draw out all of her sins?
但是那能消除她的罪孽吗
'Cause that's why women get their period in the first place.
因为罪孽就是女人有月经最根本的原因
Okay, very helpful. Two equally worthy paths.
好吧 很有用 两种方法都很有价值
Yeah, gotta say I'm leaning toward the pamphlet.
我还是更倾向于知识小册子
Hey, how's Lily?
你们好 莉莉怎么样了
Oh, great -- more voices.
太好了 新的声音
Where is she?
她在哪
- She's still locked in the bathroom. - Damn it!
-她还把自己锁在卫生间呢 -真倒霉
I have two fetuses kicking me in the bladder,
我肚子里的两个胎儿正在踢我的膀胱
and I really have to pee!
我真的很需要上厕所
Okay, well, Larry's litter box is on the porch.
好吧 拉里的猫砂盆在走廊上
She's pregnant! You can't ask her to go outside
她怀孕了 你不能让个孕妇去外面
- and squat ov-- - Be right back!
-蹲猫厕所... -马上回来
Gross!
恶心
You're not better than us, you know.
你也没比我们强多少 你知道吧
Why do you think you're not sleeping?
你觉得自己为什么会睡不着觉呢
I don't know.
我也不知道
I guess I got a lot on my mind.
我觉得是有太多烦心事
Bills, my one numb toe,
账单 有一根脚趾麻痹了
is Haley gonna be a terrible mom,
海莉会不会成为一个糟糕的妈妈
global warming...
全球变暖
Back up, back up, back up.
慢着慢着 往回倒带
Which toe is numb?
哪根脚趾头麻
Left foot. The one that goes to market.
左脚 去市场的那只小猪
And why are you worried about Haley?
那你为什么担心海莉
At her baby class, she did not seem ready.
她在育儿课上看起来没准备好
I'm kind of glad Dylan had to work today.
迪兰今天得去上班我挺高兴的
I'm excited to see what you've learned.
我特别想看看你学了多少东西
Okay, everybody. Quick review before we start.
好了 大家 上课前先快速复习一下
At what age can you first give babies solid food?
我们从宝宝多大起可以喂固体食物
- Six months. - Two years!
-六个月 -两年
And when you put baby down to sleep, you place him on his...
宝宝睡觉时 你该让他怎样躺着
- Back. - Mattress.
-仰面躺着 -躺在床垫上
And the fontanelle is...
囟门是指
- Soft spot. - A hotel in Miami?
-颅骨间隙 -迈阿密的酒店
Phil. You ready to sell a house?
菲尔 准备好卖房子了吗
Yes. Yes. Let's do this.
是的是的 我们开始吧
Uh, Desmond, this is my director, Luke.
德斯蒙德 这是我的主管卢克
I'm your son.
我是你儿子
Aww. You always will be.
你永远是我的好儿子
- Dad. - Desmond is the brains
-爸 -高端房地产
behind the best high-end real-estate walkthrough videos.
最佳的售房视频都是出自德斯蒙德之手
He's helped move more houses than, um...
他帮忙卖出的房子比
than, uh...
What's the-what's the crack that...causes all the earthquakes?
总引发地震的那个裂缝叫什么来着
The San Andreas fault.
圣安德烈亚斯断层
That's funny.
真好笑
So, to recap our discussion,
好了 回顾一下我们所讨论的
we'll start with the camera coming down the walk.
开拍后摄像机沿着走道下移
You open the door,
你开门
say "Welcome to 15683 Canyon Ridge Drive,
说"欢迎来到峡谷岭道15683号
a six-bedroom, seven-bathroom, 8,600 square-foot home
六卧 七卫 七百九十九平方米
in the prestigious 90212 ZIP code."
有名望的邮政编码90212"
You got it?
记住了吗
15683 15683 15683, 15683 --
I got it.
记住了
Good. Let's try one.
很好 先拍一条试试
Here we go.
开始
Ready, and...
准备
action.
开拍
15683 15683.
- Cut. - ‭Moving on?
-停 -下一个镜头吗
N-no.
No, that wasn't right at all.
不 你全没记住
Um... pretty sure it was.
我很肯定我没记错
Phil.
菲尔
You've got to do the whole thing.
你得把词全说了
Oh, yes. Yeah, of course.
是的 当然
Yeah.
是啊
Back to one.
从头开始
Ready, and...
准备
action.
开拍
Thank you.
谢谢
Claire! Thanks for coming in.
克莱尔 多谢你过来
I'm Ben. This is my brother, Evan.
我是本 这是我兄弟埃文
Our dad's Uncle Ned.
我们老爸就是内德叔叔
But we just call him Dad.
不过我们只叫他爸
We are so happy you're here.
你能来我们很高兴
Well, thank you so much for having me.
多谢你们邀请我
And can I say -- it smells amazing in here!
不得不说 这里真好闻
It's the cookies.
是饼干的香味
Yeah.
是啊
We are so very impressed
从税务上讲
with what your closet company has done, fiscally speaking.
我们对贵衣柜公司的业绩十分钦佩
Well, to be fair, my dad is the one who built the business.
说句公道话 公司是我爸创立的
We can relate to that.
这点我们很有共鸣
But we mean since you joined.
但我们是指在你加入后
Many people are saying that's when it really took off.
人们都说公司是从那以后真正发展起来的
It is so nice to be recognized.
能得到认可真好
I-I see tremendous growth potential in this company.
我认为这家公司有巨大的发展潜力
We think so.
我们也这么认为
That is, with the right captain steering the ship,
但得靠优秀的船长驶舵才行
fiscally speaking.
从税务上讲
Which is why we're prepared to offer you a big salary,
所以我们预备为你提供丰厚薪水
stock stuff...
股票什么的
And all the cookies you can eat.
你想吃多少饼干就吃多少
I didn't expect this to be going so fast.
我没想到进展会这么快
Well, we're kind of on a clock.
其实我们时间不多
You see, the IRS has called some of our bookkeeping...
你瞧 国税局说我们的一些账目
"Flagrantly illegal."
"赤裸裸地违法"
How could that happen?
怎么会发生这种事
We were hoping you could tell us.
我们正指望你来告诉我们原因
We don't know anything about business.
我们对生意一无所知
- Fiscally speaking? - Yeah.
-从税务上讲 -是的
‭Exactly.
没错
That was kind of our dad's thing.
那些都是我们老爸在管
Also, making them, selling them, all that other stuff.
还有生产啊 销售啊 那些玩意
Just to be clear, what are your roles here?
为明确起见 二位的职务是...
We used to taste the cookies,
我们过去负责尝饼干
but now we're chairmen of the board.
但现在我们是董事局主席了
I see.
我懂了
As such, we are legally bound to mention
作为董事长 我们有法律义务告诉你
a little situation we have with the FDA.
我们和食药管理局有点情况
Thanks to Evan,
都怪埃文
we keep failing something called the "Hairs-per-million test."
有个"毛发百万分比"总检测不合格
And due to the videotaped evidence against our father,
由于我们父亲被录下影像证据
we need a highly qualified woman such as yourself
我们需要一位你这样的高素质女性
to testify in front of Congress.
在国会面前作证
Uh...guys, this is a lot to take in.
二位 这一时让人很难接受
Well, I think we know what that means.
我想我们知道你这话什么意思
Yeah.
是啊
Welcome to Uncle Ned's.
欢迎成为内德叔叔的一员
Whether you're a bachelor, a couple, or a flamily --
无论你是单身汉 夫妻或一夹人
"flamily" -- I just said "flamily."
"一夹人" 我刚才说的是"一夹人"
Wait, is it "flamily"?
等等 是"一夹人"吗
All right.
好吧
Let's just take it from,
我们从这句开始
"This is modern California living at its finest."
"这是现代加州生活的最高水准"
And action.
开拍
This is modern California living at its finest.
这是现代加州生活的最高水准
Stop! You're doing the British accent again.
停 你又变成英国口音了
I'm not hearing it!
我没听出来
And action.
开拍
You'll have state-of-the-art...
您将享有最先进的
appliances --
电气用具
I'm sorry. I got this.
抱歉 我能行
Imagine life from this perspective.
想象一下从这个视角看到的生活
That thing is gonna hit me!
那玩意要撞上我了
And best of all, the entire house is fully automated.
最棒的是 整栋房子都是自动化的
You can turn on the gorgeous fountains right from your phone.
你用手机就能启动美丽的喷泉
Shoot. They're not working.
靠 怎么不灵了
Hey, I can feel my toe!
我又能感觉到那根脚趾了
And this one is about hormonal fluctuations
这本则是关于能引起
that can cause radical mood swings.
激烈情绪波动的荷尔蒙波动
One minute, you're totally fine, and then the next,
前一秒 你还好好的 下一秒
- you're just -- - Go home, nerd!
-你就... -滚回家吧 死书呆
...lashing out when someone is trying to help you.
...冲想帮你的人发火
Okay, well, thank you for helping,
谢谢你帮忙
and don't take it personally.
你别放在心上
At least now we know why she called my signature cuffs
至少现在我们知道她为什么说我的招牌反折袖口
tackier than the Debbie Reynolds museum.
比《雨中曲》女主角黛比·雷诺兹的博物馆还俗气
Y-Yes, that was definitely the hormones talking.
对 绝对是因为荷尔蒙波动才攻击你的袖口
Look, everyone's taking this whole thing way too seriously.
你们把这事看得太严重了
When my daughter has her first Shark Week,
等我女儿的第一次"鲨鱼嗜血周"到来时
we're just gonna laugh about it.
我们只会一笑置之
That's what girls want.
女孩们就希望这样
I mean, it is bananas
毕竟下面
what happens down there every month.
每个月发生的场面都惊心动魄
Only good thing is, it reminds me to pay my bills.
唯一的好处是 月经提醒我该付账单了
Oh, that's why my credit card keeps getting denied.
难怪怀孕后 我的信用卡一直刷不了
Hey, if there's somewhere you need to be --
如果你有别的地方要去...
Just watch this.
看老娘的
Hey, bitch.
婊子
Haley's here?!
海莉也来了吗
That's right. And cheer up.
没错 而且你高兴点
You're missing the whole silver lining in all of this.
你要错过这件惨事带来的唯一好处了
A period is a Get Out Of Jail Free card for everything.
无论你做错什么 月经都是你的免死金牌
Didn't study for a test?
考试前没复习
"Oh, wah. I have cramps."
"人家经痛嘛"
Don't want to go to gym class?
不想上体育课
"Sorry -- lady problems."
"抱歉 来例假啦"
Wanna eat a whole sheet cake? Shut down a bad date?
想吃掉整个大蛋糕 中途叫停不愉快的约会
Smuggle some weed into a concert in your tampon box?
把大麻装进棉条盒子里 偷带进演唱会
Ain't nobody looking in there.
不会有人检查棉条盒的
What is wrong with you?!
你有什么毛病啊
That's the advice you want to give your daughter?!
你就想给你女儿这种建议吗
I know! I'm a disaster!
我知道 我真是糟透了
How am I going to be a mother? I can't even make a swaddle!
我要怎么当人妈妈 我连襁褓都不会包
I'm gonna raise a couple losers, just like me!
我会养出两个废物 就像我一样
It's not your fault, you sweet dummies!
不是你们的错 可爱的小笨蛋们
Lily!
莉莉
Oh, my God. You too?
老天 你也来了
I made you a Colombian poultice.
我给你熬了哥伦比亚药糊
Is that what stinks? It's making me sick!
就是那玩意发出臭味吗 我闻到想吐
We're gonna rub it all over your belly,
我们会把药糊涂满你肚皮
and it's gonna make you feel better.
然后你就会好受多了
It's also not terrible on toast with a fried egg.
这药膏涂到吐司上再配个煎蛋 味道也不错哦
‭How many people are out there?!
外面到底有多少人
Just a few supportive women.
就几个来支持你的女性
Hello, sisters.
姐妹们好啊
I must've texted the wrong thread.
我一定是发错群聊了
Allow me to talk to the Earth Goddess.
请让我跟大地女神谈谈
Lily? Step-Uncle Manny's here.
莉莉 我是继小叔曼尼啦
Cherish this.
珍惜这个
You've been given the ability to create life.
你被赋予了创造生命的能力
Each cramp, each migraine should remind you --
每一下痉挛 每一次偏头痛都提醒你...
Get the out of here, Manny!
你他妈给我滚远点 曼尼
Take care, everybody.
保重 各位
Yeah.
‭Claire, get in here.
克莱尔 进来
How'd the interview go?
面试进行得如何
Amazing.
顺利极了
First of all, that place smells delicious.
首先 那地方弥漫着香味
They made me an offer on the spot.
他们当场就决定聘请我
CEO, travel...
当首席执行官 出游补贴
hobnobbing with Congressmen.
跟国会议员们打交道
Well, I'm not surprised.
我不意外
You're a terrific candidate.
你是名出色的候选人
I turned them down.
我拒绝了
Why?
为什么
Well, first of all, because I made a commitment
首先 因为我对这里每个人还有你
to everyone here and to you.
做出过承诺
And it just... didn't feel right to leave.
而且 离开这里感觉不对
That makes what I'm about to say awkward.
你这么说 让我接下来要说的话略显尴尬
I'm quitting.
我准备辞职
Oh, wha-- You're that mad at me?
怎么 你有那么气我吗
No, I listened to what you said,
不 我听了你说的
and you're never truly gonna be in charge
除非我让位 否则你永远不会
until I get out of your way.
真正掌管公司
You didn't have to do that for me.
你不必为了我这么做啊
I didn't do it just for you.
我不只是为了你
Every good closet man knows when to hang it up.
每个优秀的衣柜家都知道何时该高高挂起
And I -- I think I'm ready for a new challenge.
我认为 我准备好迎接新挑战了
Oh, Dad, not window tinting.
爸爸 可别去搞玻璃贴膜啊
It's like printing money, but no, it's not for me.
做那个可好赚了 不过不是 那不适合我
Here's what I'm excited about.
我兴奋期待的是这个
Let me show you. Mm.
我给你看看
What am I looking at?
这是什么鬼
The future.
未来
Fun dog beds.
趣味狗狗床
Oh, my God. This is the pineapple you were doodling.
天啊 这就是你之前在鬼画符的菠萝
Yes! I designed it myself!
没错 是我亲自设计的
Cool. Cool.
酷 酷
So, the pharmacy tracks
话说 药房会跟进
how all of your medications interact, right?
你吃的药如何相互影响的 对吧
Claire, every year,
克莱尔 每年
people in this country spend $70 billion on their pets.
全美人民会花七百亿美元在宠物身上
People or just you?
全美人民还是就你一人
I got a manufacturer lined up.
我已经找好制造商了
I'll sell them online, keep the overhead low,
我会在网上卖 节省总开销
go to a bunch of dog shows -- super fun.
去参加一些狗狗大会 超好玩的
And if I don't lose all the money that I made
如果我出售衣柜公司股份所得到的钱
selling my share of this place,
没有赔个精光
I'm happy.
我就很满意了
It's kind of the end of an era, huh?
有点像一个时代的终结 对吧
Are you sure you want to do this?
你确定真想这么做吗
I'd have quit years ago if you weren't here.
要不是有你 我好多年前就退休了
It's gonna be weird coming to work without you.
来工作看不到你会感觉很奇怪的
Well, if you miss me too much,
如果你太想我了
there'll always be a position for you at Dog Beds by Stella.
你可以来我的斯黛拉家的狗床工作啊
Thank you, but I think maybe it is time
多谢了 但我觉得也是时候
I prove myself on my own.
证明自己能独当一面了
You sure? 'Cause this could be huge.
你确定吗 我这生意可能会一飞冲天呢
I got a million dog-bed ideas.
我有无数的狗床点子
I got a hot-dog bun, I got a space capsule,
比如热狗面包床 太空仓窗
I got an igloo.
还有爱斯基摩人冰屋
What about one shaped like a dog bone?
那狗骨头形状的床呢
You'll get there.
总有一天你也会跟上我的脚步
Hey, how's Lily doing?
莉莉怎么样了
Well, I certainly didn't help. I only made it worse.
我压根就没帮上忙 还让情况恶化了
What am I gonna do when our kids need me?
当我们孩子也需要我的时候 我该怎么办啊
You're overthinking it.
你多虑了
The minute you see a sweet little face that needs you,
等你看到他们可爱的小脸蛋向你寻求帮助时
your instincts will kick in, and you'll know what to do.
你的直觉就会让你知道该怎么做
That's what everybody keeps saying,
大家都这么说
but what if it's not true?
万一到时候不是这样怎么办
Hey, Mr. D.
邓菲先生
Hey. ‭Are you okay?
你还好吗
I haven't slept for days,
我好多天没睡了
and I screwed up at work today.
今天还搞砸了工作上的事
Oh, I'm sure it's not as bad as you think.
肯定没有你觉得的这么糟糕啦
Well, the cameraman called it "Disaster-piece Theatre,"
摄影师说这就像节目《搞砸舞台》
and everybody was like, "Good one, Craig."
然后大家都说"说到点子上啦 克莱格"
And you know what? It was. It was a good one, Craig.
有毛病吗 没毛病 说到点子上了 克莱格
Hey, it's okay.
没事的啦
I had to rehire the crew
我明天得再花钱
to shoot the whole thing again tomorrow.
重新雇拍摄组来拍一次
I'm way over budget.
预算大超支
I'm probably gonna lose the listing --
估计也保不住这间待售屋...
You're just overtired.
你只是累昏头了
Why don't you close your eyes?
要不你先把眼睛闭上
Dylan, make some white noise.
迪兰 制造一点助眠的白噪音
I am going to try something.
我来试一招
Oh. That's nice.
挺舒服的
Honey.
宝贝
You're getting really good at this.
你越来越拿手了呢
You think so?
你真这么觉得吗
I do.
真的
Thanks.
谢谢
All right. You just rest now.
好啦 你现在就好好休息
Everything's gonna be okay.
一切都会船到桥头自然直
Yeah. It is.
会的
Can I stop now? I'm gonna pass out.
我可以停下了吗 我快缺氧晕过去了
We could just pick the lock and get her out of there.
我们可以撬开锁然后把她弄出来
And then what? She doesn't want to talk to us.
然后呢 她出来了也不会想跟我们说话
She never wants to talk to us. That hasn't stopped us before.
她从小就从不跟我们谈 我们以前也没停过手
We're only letting it now
我们这次停手
because we're uncomfortable, right?
只不过是因为自己觉得话题尴尬罢了
Obviously, you're right.
很明显是你说的这样
Why else would I be devouring Gloria's poultice?
不然我为什么会大吃特吃歌洛莉亚的药糊
You know what?
我决定了
Come on. We're her dads.
来吧 我们是她爸爸
We'll figure something out.
我们会想出办法的
Hey, honey?
亲爱的
Everyone's gone.
大家都走啦
And we're sorry we embarrassed you.
对不起 我们让你羞耻了
We should've never included all those people into...
我们就不应该拉这么多人来参与...
this situation.
这件事情
And just because we're boys doesn't mean we --
尽管我们是男生 不代表我们...
we can't talk you through your first...
我们就不能陪你谈你首次...
"Sloughing off of your endometrial tissue."
"子宫内膜脱落"
Yeah, "Which typically lasts between two and...
是啊"这通常会持续二到....
- seven days"? ‭- Seven?
-七天" -七天吗
- Oh, my God. ‭- That's crazy.
-天啊 -要人命了
Look, Lily, your whole life, it's been --
听我说 莉莉 你从小到大 一直都...
it's been the three of us figuring out stuff together.
一直都是我们三个人一起摸索与成长
Yeah, don't you remember in the -- in the second grade,
对啊 你忘了吗 在你二年级的时候
when you came home crying because Julie Kwan made fun
你哭着回家 因为同学朱莉·关
of your Ricky Martin "She Bangs" lunch box?
取笑你的瑞奇·马丁热单午餐盒吗
知名拉丁同性恋男歌手 广受同性恋喜爱
You didn't want to talk about that, but then,
你一开始也不想聊 但后来怎么着
when you finally did, you felt better.
你最后跟我们聊了之后 不是好受许多吗
Yeah, you -- you don't have to figure this out alone.
对啊 你... 你不用自己独自面对这一切
Yeah, we may not have gone through the exact same thing,
我们或许没有跟你一模一样的经历
but, you know, in the seventh grade,
但你知道吗 在七年级的时候
our bodies started changing, too.
我们男生的身体也会起变化啊
Sixth for me.
我是六年级开始的
It's not a competition.
这又不是比赛
And those changes...
而那些改变
they were confusing.
也很让我们困惑
Yeah, they were con-- confusing and scary
是啊 它们让人感到困窘又可怕
and also, um...
但也很...
exciting because, um...
令人兴奋 因为...
you're growing up... Lily.
那也表示你在长大 莉莉
And we're your parents, okay?
我们是你的父母
We are gonna make mistakes,
我们肯定会犯错
and we are not gonna have all the answers,
我们也不知道所有问题的答案
but when you do want to talk about it,
但当你想要聊问题与困难的时候
we're -- we're here for you.
我们... 我们都会在这陪你
Yeah.
是的
We love you.
我们爱你
Uh-oh. Here comes The Great Snoozedini.
糟糕 伟大的魔术师睡迪尼来了
You see before you three ordinary cups.
在你们面前有三个普通的杯子
Cups you'd find in any kitchen.
可以在任何人家里厨房找到的杯子
Nothing magical about them.
没有任何特殊的地方
Here, we have one new potato.
现在我们拿起一个新的土豆
Keep your eye on the cup with the potato.
请紧盯放了土豆的杯子
Anybody here from out of town?
有外地来看表演的朋友吗
I feel bad. Should we wake him up?
不忍直视 我们该不该把他叫醒啊
Not until we find out where the potato is.
等我们找到土豆在哪个杯子里再叫醒他
It's under that one, right?
是在那个杯子里吧
Is the potato here?
土豆在这个杯子里吗
Is the potato here?
土豆在这个杯子里吗
Oh, this trick is a real...
这个魔术好...
lemon.
柠檬啊
Good night everyone.
大家晚安
Amazing.
太厉害了