Okay, folks, you might want to put on some sunscreen.
好了 同志们 你们可以考虑涂一下防晒霜
Up this high, the trees start to thin out.
Oh, this might be a good place for a picture.
Oh, let me go behind that rock.
I'll change into my next look.
He has to. His Instagram follower demands it.
Oh, wait, false alarm.
It's just a plastic bag in a tree.
I take a bird-watching trip with my buddies --
specifically to see a bald eagle.
So far, no luck.
This year, my buddies bailed -- back spasm, cracked hip.
今年兄弟们来不了 不是背部抽筋 就是屁股开花
And I'm the idiot for installing a shower chair.
I was all set to go solo,
when those three tagalongs invited themselves.
They invaded my territory
like a bunch of bay-breasted warblers.
Darned if I didn't feel like a bay-breasted warbler
horning in on Jay's trip, but Gloria made us go.
She was worried about my dad
being out in the woods alone at his age,
so she -- she gently nudged us to join him.
Gloria, if my dad doesn't want us t--
Hey, Dad, uh, whatcha doin' this weekend?
- Ah, little nature trip. - Oh! Sounds like fun.
- Count us in! - Yes.
Actually, I was looking for a little alone time --
Hey! Am I the only one with bald eagles on the brain?
You know what? I think in about 10 minutes,
the light's gonna be perfect
for my "Afternoon Adventurer" look.
Okay, uh, before we head deeper into the woods,
I should warn you folks that there's been
several bear sightings in the area.
- So if you happen to have any food with you -- - Got it!
you can store it in this bear box... here.
Well, then, talk amongst yourselves.
It could take me a while
to find where my manly heave sent that heavy --
Ah! Here it is. Someone must've heaved it back.
Oh, hey, Gloria. Thanks for coming.
It's gonna be such a fun girls' night --
drinking wine, planning the nursery.
Okay, I was going to surprise you,
but I can't wait anymore.
It's a handmade mobile of great women in history!
I just hope it goes with the theme
that Dylan wants for the room.
Are any of these women important in the fields
of fire trucks or unicorns?
How perfect is this?
They delivered the crib,
and I know just the crew of handy honeys
to help me put it together.
Uh, not now, Mom. I've had the worst day.
现在不行 妈妈 我今天过得很糟糕
Quick, start crying.
We need to derail her enthusiasm before she s--
Way to rock it, girlfriend!
I cannot deny it anymore.
I am turning into a white woman.
Is there a problem, girlfriends?
Spin class was canceled!
What are we gonna do with our day?
"When In Doubt...
Where's the nearest place that serves kale
and also has a pun in its name?
There's an Underground Kale-Road down the street!
- Let's go! - Thank God.
I've gotten soft lately.
I think I've lost my Colombian edge.
I think we'll all feel better if we accomplish something.
He's been going on these hunting trips for 20 years,
and not once has he brought home a bald eagle!
Hendrix couldn't read music,
Shaq couldn't make free throws,
and I have a little trouble visualizing space and scale.
So, I think this closet design gives us everything we need
in a tight, residential space.
Yeah. Very clever.
Take a walk-through.
Does the flow make sense?
I would get out of the shower
and throw my clothes in the hamper here,
pick out an outfit, and then get dressed right here.
You just threw your clothes in the fireplace
and got dressed in front of the picture window.
Well, you have your morning routine, Mia.
All right, let's get this over with.
Mom, where do we start?
Maybe Mommy just needs some cougar juice!
What's wrong with me?
Watch your step, folks.
Some of the terrain gets a little tricky
on this part of the hike.
Oh. Good. I thought I'd changed
into my "Remote Trailhead" look too soon.
You okay, Dad? Want to stop and take a break?
你还行吗 爸 要不要停下来休息一会
No, no. I just want to stop and maybe see an eagle. Ah.
不 不用 我就是想停下来看看有没有鹰
You've been doing this for 20 years and never seen one, huh?
Yeah. Mother Nature can be a real --
Phil, stop talking!
You're scaring the eagles!
Also sorry in my head.
Since we're talking again, uh, we should start heading back.
It'll be dark soon.
Or, if you'd like, there's a cabin just up this trail.
或者 你们愿意的话 这条小路前面有个小木屋
It's pretty run-down, but, uh,
you're welcome to spend the night.
Uh... Are -- Are we sure that's a good idea?
Um...wasn't there -- wasn't there mention of bears?
No, you go home. I'll stay by myself.
不用 你回家吧 我自己留在这里
We -- We can't let him stay by himself.
We told Gloria we'd keep him safe.
Yeah, if he's staying, we're staying.
是啊 要是他要留下来 我们也要留下来
Yeah. Yeah. What -- What's the worst that could happen?
好吧 好吧 最坏能坏到哪去呢
I mean, in the movies, when city folk stay overnight
in abandoned cabins, things usually pan out okay.
Anyway, I'm gonna run ahead, see if they have any postcards
up at this poorly guarded mental institution.
Damn it, I'm starving.
Nothing in here but an old bottle of whiskey.
Well, just try not to think about how hungry you are
or that Mitchell left the food in the bear box.
We all left the food in the --
Did you change again?
Yeah, I just threw a few things together
to create a "Rustic Cabin" look.
Well, at least the bears won't be a concern.
Take it from a realtor.
This Smith & Wiley lock is the gold standard.
All right, I think we are now ready to put together
our beautiful, L-shaped crib.
I-I-- This can't be right. One's way bigger.
And what, my babies are supposed to come and go as they please,
like they're in a halfway house?
Um, so, a minor misreading of the diagram.
I think we're just gonna need to swap
a short side for a long side.
And in the meantime, we bent that bracket.
Alex, would you mind running down to the hardware store?
I don't trust myself to drive anymore.
I signed up to be the student liaison
for a visiting scholar on campus --
Sir Kenneth Penrose.
Yes, that Sir Kenneth Penrose.
Rock star of the microbiology world.
I know you must hear this a lot,
but you're the reason I took up snooker.
I've had to lay down my cue lately.
I've been working for months on an Ebola vaccine.
Just moments ago, I had a breakthrough.
I can't wait to get to the lab and jot --
Whoa! That was my chemistry advisor.
I would not want to be known as the girl who --
You don't know the shame.
Now they won't let me drive around
anyone smarter than a sociology professor.
You know what else hit the ground today? Me.
While I was bending over to pick up a doughnut off the floor!
It was covered in dust balls, but I didn't care,
'cause I'm a disgusting pig monster.
Oh, honey, please.
as beautiful as ever.
Tell that to MugScan.
MugScan is a face-recognition program we use at work.
It was really mean to me.
Good morning, Wayne.
I'm not Wayne, you jerk!
You all right, Haley?
One of my shoes flew off in the fall,
and I couldn't put it back on because my feet were so swollen.
You know who makes a great shoe? New Balance.
I wear them when I power-walk to Neil Diamond.
Hey, Mom, is this divider a little too high?
No. No, it's supposed to be that way.
That way, if one twin wants to visit the other,
he can just go, "Ah, doot, doot, doot. Hi!"
Pair of 7s. Ace high.
Everyone, I'd like you to meet Don Lemon and RuPaul,
a pair of black queens.
Mitchell, that's the third time you've wandered over there.
What are you doing?
- Nothing. - He's got something in his mouth.
- Get him! come here! - No. No, I don't.
-抓住他 过来 -没 我没吃
- No, no, no! - Don't -- Don't fight. Don't --
-别 别 -别反抗
That's the last of it. I swear.
- He's lying. Check his pockets. - No, I --
-他撒谎 检查口袋 -没有 我
Stop it, stop it, stop it!
It's a family pack!
I hope the jerky was as delicious as the irony.
- Give it! - No, stop it! Stop it --
-交出来 -不 停手 停手
Great. We're sending beef smoke signals
to a forest full of bears.
I'm sorry! I should've shared!
Meanwhile, there is a sack full of hiking snacks
not to mention a wonderful maple-walnut butter
that Gloria recommended on her Pinterest board.
That's it. I'm going out there.
If you see a bear, remember --
blind it with the flash on your phone,
then lie on your back in a submissive pose.
I'm not doing that. If I come face-to-face with a bear,
It's darker out there --
Are you sure it was the best idea
to attach these before moving them upstairs?
Yeah, I eyeballed the space. It really should fit easily.
Except Alex apparently has steered us into a jam.
Oh, that must be the pizza guy. Coming, Carl!
肯定是送披萨的 我来了 卡尔
You know the pizza guy's name?
Surprised to get an order from you before midnight.
By the way, how'd you like
that custom shrimp and potato pizza?
I don't even know what you're talking about.
Loved it. Love you.
Gonna go get my wallet!
Alex, run downstairs and get a screwdriver.
This whole thing will fit easily once we take the cribs apart.
We don't even know
if this thing is gonna fit through the bedroom door.
But if it makes you happy, I will measure again.
You always record over my programs --
Okay, no, how about this?
We all band together to form one big man
No! How's that supposed to work?
- Okay, back to back, um, and-and then link arms. - Come on.
-背靠背 胳膊挽起来 -拜托
- Okay. - Turn around, give me your arm.
-好吧 -转过来 胳膊伸过来
See, look? Like this, all right?
瞧 就像这样 明白吗
Do we look big and scary?
Let's move towards the door.
We're just one big man out for a walk in the woods.
Wait! Where's Mitchell?
He didn't make it!
One of you two need to go get him!
I'm better staying here as a bear decoy.
I give off a natural musk.
Birds land on me all the time. Squirrels eat out of my hand.
Well, I can't go! Lily needs at least one living parent!
How do we know it's not the bear?
You just left me!
Oh, you weren't out there that long.
You didn't get the food?!
I almost was food!
Okay, I-I wish I never even came on this stupid trip!
Well, who forced you?
It's my delivery ankle.
It's really bad, dudes.
It was already weak from your paintball injury, Carl.
I told you to get it checked out,
but you and doctors.
Okay, fine, I know him a little.
When it rains, it pours, huh?
Margaret-Anne left me this morning.
Then my dad called me "Craig" on the phone again.
That's the name of his new son.
Oh, God. Carl, can we at least drive you home?
天哪 卡尔 至少让我们送你回家吧
I have 10 pizzas going to my enemies, the Sigmas.
Those rich kids get their kicks taking advantage
of our "30 Minutes or it's Free" Policy --
use every trick in the book to slow me down.
Well, not tonight, Chad and Chip.
The bone's got to be sticking out, right?
No, it's not even swollen.
Look, Carl, we've all had rough days.
Why don't you let us finish this delivery for you?
Okay, but we've only got, like, 10 minutes.
Let's go, then! Come here.
- Okay. - Come on!
It'll feel good to get something right today.
Plus, I wouldn't mind
sticking it to some preppy, white jerks.
Hey! That life comes with its own problems!
Gloria was just worried about you.
I don't want to talk about it.
Let's just have a drink and be quiet.
Lot of colors in that fire, huh?
- yellow, blue... - Geez. Okay.
-黄 蓝... -老天 够了
What is this yammering with you?! Seriously!
I guess I just don't like being alone with my own thoughts.
Maybe it's because I have a couple of grandkids on the way,
but now, if -- if things get too quiet,
my mind goes to a dark place fast.
I start to worry about the people that I love
and all the bad things that could happen to them.
I suppose talking... pushes those thoughts out
and helps me feel okay.
We can all spiral.
But you can't talk your way out of it.
You got to think your way out of it.
You know, find a happy place.
30 seconds, no talking. Go.
30秒 不说话 开始
- Buddy, where are you? - I'm back. Yep.
-兄弟 你神游到哪去了 -我回来了
You know, I think we can learn a lot from this guy,
because it's not the --
the bears out there that we're afraid of.
It's the bears in our lives --
the fear that keeps us up at night.
And I think that's an interesting topic we can return to
once I change into my "Fireside Chat" Look.
Another wardrobe change?
You're like a sultan's bride on her wedding day.
Go ahead -- make fun of me.
I like my outfits.
Yeah, I guess when I was a kid,
I realized I wasn't ever gonna fit in,
so I decided to stand out.
I embraced my flamboyance
to let the world know their insults won't hurt me.
Want to make a joke about me? Go ahead, 'cause I'm in on it.
想开我玩笑吗 尽管开 因为我会配合你
That's really beautiful, Cam.
And you're not alone.
Growing up, we were all insecure nerds in our own way.
What? I thought we were sharing.
That's very brave, Cam. That's good stuff.
你很勇敢 小卡 了不起
Are you crazy?! I shouldn't be the one driving!
There is no time to argue! Just go! Come on!
没时间争论了 开就是了 快点
Thanks so much for making me part of your group.
It's not every day you make four new best friends.
Why are they going so slow?!
I can't get past them!
This is one of Sigma's tactics.
They track my location on the app
and send pledges to try to slow me down.
Ugh! What am I gonna do?!
Carl, I'm taking your paintball guns!
Move! Or I move you!
I do still have my edge!
Will you join my paintball team?
Field of Minions. Classic Sigmas.
Don't get distracted by the cuteness.
We only have five minutes.
Just go around them.
Oh, my God, I did it!
And you're all still in the car!
Okay, now, we can't give them any reason to say
that we didn't fill the order perfectly,
so check the pizzas, make sure they didn't shift.
Oh, Haley, I'm sure you're worrying about nothing --
Carl, do you have a pizza slicer?
Only the commemorative one I got for 10 years of service.
Give it to me. I have a vision.
Shaq and Hendrix never got past their blind spots.
Maybe they didn't want it enough.
Turning 9 pizzas into 10 was a simple matter
of removing one slice from each pie,
then trimming off a V-shaped portion of pizza
from each of the remaining slices,
turning them from 36-degree angles to 40-degree angles,
then putting together the 40-degree angles
into nine slightly smaller pies.
After that, one had only to repurpose
the nine previously removed slices into a 10th pie.
I do have a visual brain.
That was your thing?
I do not miss having white-people problems.
We're here! I did it!
We only have a minute to get the pizzas inside. Let's go!
Oh, wait, wait, wait! Uh, the frat has a video doorbell.
等一下 等一下 兄弟会有可视门铃
If they see it's a delivery, they try to run out the clock.
I go to U of A, and I'm super drunk.
Is there a place where I can sober up for the night?
At least my looks can still get me into a frat house.
Okay, guys, go, go!
好了 各位 上啊
10 pizzas on time.
You guys with Carl?
Come on, hurry up! A bet's a bet!
来吧 快点 愿赌服输
I told you I could stand on one leg longer than you!
You're the only one whose balance gets better
after drinking a jug of whiskey.
All right. My follower is gonna love this!
Everybody say "Cheese!"
- Cheese. - Yes.
Okay, now, that is how you build a brand.
Well, I guess we should kill the rest of this whiskey.
But then we'll have nothing to serve the murderers when they arrive.
You know, you joke,
but you have a certain paranoia about you.
What -- What's behind that?
Ooh! Are we about to hear about Mitchell's bear?
Uh, okay. It -- It's, um...
I've never told anyone this, but, uh,
a fortune teller once predicted
that I would not live to see my 46th winter.
Was that that kook that used to live next door to us?
She told your mother she was gonna win a Tony one day.
But she was right about a lot of other things.
She said that I'd become a lawyer.
She said that I would marry a clown one day.
Laughed a long time about that one.
Anyway, I-I guess my "bear"
is the fear of dying young.
Uh, I mean, if that fortune teller's right,
I only have three more years to live.
Well, y-you know what? The way I see it,
this little curse is actually a gift --
a reason to live life to the fullest.
And have no regrets.
Okay, so we're all just accepting this 46-year thing as true?
We've made our peace with it.
And so should you.
Why not just live your limited days
with leaving nothing unsaid?
Tell the people who matter the most how you feel.
I tell you and Lily I love you every single day.
True. What about Phil?
He did text me with a "Love ya" this morning.
I just have a hard time saying that word to him.
Which is fine for the both of us.
Okay, well, it sounds like
you might be uncomfortable with that word, too.
No! I don't have a problem with it. I use it all the time.
才没有 我对这词没任何问题 我整天说
I'm always saying I love things. I --
I love the feel of toasty socks out of the microwave.
I love the far-off sound of a train whistle.
You know, "Ooh! What adventure have they gotten off to?"
I -- I love watching a baby stretch.
Those are all good things in your life, Jay, but...
杰 这些都是你生活中的美好事物 但...
what's your "bear"?
Oh, come on! We all told you ours.
Now, when you get to my age,
there are less things that you're afraid of.
being a burden to your family.
Which is starting already,
because Gloria forced you guys to babysit me,
which is why I wanted to spend the night here
so I could prove I'm not some...frail old man.
But, if I'm being honest,
that hike gets tougher for me every year.
And I was relieved that I didn't have to do it alone.
You could never be a burden.
Yeah, you're the one who's always taking care of all of us.
We'd love the chance to return the favor.
All right. It's getting late.
This mountain pimp outfit's making me sweat.
Let's -- Let's get some rest.
Good night. I'll take the sofa.
Sure you're gonna be okay out here?
- Yeah, I'll be fine. - Okay.
-当然啦 我肯定没事 -好
Do -- Do you want me to grab you an extra blanket or something?
No, no. I'll get something if I need it.
不 不用了 我需要会自己去拿
All right, Dad. We're ready to go.
好啦 老爸 我们准备好走了
I'm sorry you didn't see a bald eagle this time around.
Y-Yeah. It's too bad.
I guess we'll all have to come back here again next year.
I don't know about you guys, but I slept great.
That cot was so soft. I'm not always a sound sleeper.
Been meaning to try that melatonin.
I hear it's a real game-changer.
And you can get it anywhere nowadays.
Has it always been over-the-counter?
Kind of a funny phrase, isn't it -- "Over-the-counter"?