摩登家庭 第十季 Modern Family Season 10 第18集: Stand By Your Man

上映日期: 2,018

语言: 英语

影片类型: 喜剧 / 家庭

导演: 盖尔·曼库索 / 斯蒂文·莱维坦

演员: 艾德·奥尼尔 / 索菲娅·维加拉 / 朱丽·鲍温 / 泰·布利尔 / 杰西·泰勒·弗格森 / 艾瑞克·斯通斯崔特 / 萨拉·海蓝德 / 阿芮尔·温特 / 诺兰·古德 / 里克·罗德里格兹 / 奥布里·


台词
I'm beat.
我累了
Can you turn off the light?
你能关一下灯吗
Yeah, just give me a second.
好 稍等一下
5 4 3 5...4...3...
2 1 2...1.
You missed our anniversary.
你错过我们的纪念日了
家 庭
摩 登
第十季 第十八集
Wow, that's pretty good.
不错啊 挺好吃的
Oh, no.
不是吧
Honey, the deli warned you about those peppers.
亲爱的 熟食店提醒过你里面的辣椒了
I thought they were exaggerating.
我以为他们是故意夸张的
Maybe they do have the world's best pastrami.
或许他们的熏牛肉的确是世上最好吃的
That's a lot of food. Who's coming?
好丰盛的食物 谁要来啊
Luke, Dylan, and Bill.
卢克 迪兰 还有比尔
Gotta keep my posse in meat while we watch two top fighters
得让我的男团们在观看本世纪最精彩的
battling in the pay-per-view event of the century.
付费点击格斗赛时 一直有肉吃
That is so unlike you to watch Ultimate Fighting.
看终极格斗赛可不像你的风格
That's insane. I love a good battle.
净瞎说 我喜欢看格斗赛
Boxing, MMA --
拳击 综合格斗
- Lip Sync. - ‭Which get brutal.
-对口型假唱赛 -那也很残暴的好嘛
I want to be a role model
我希望能成为这个家里
to this family's next generation of men.
下一代男性的榜样
So, I'm hosting a fight night
所以我举办了一个格斗之夜
with, uh, Luke, Dylan, and Alex's boyfriend, Bill,
和卢克 迪兰 还有艾丽克斯的男朋友比尔一起
where I will begin the process
我将在这一过程中
of inspiring them and imparting wisdom.
激励他们 启迪智慧
I figure they have to listen to me.
我觉得他们将不得不听我的
I pay for Luke's gas,
我给卢克出油钱
and the other two do unspeakable things to my daughters.
而另外两个对我的女儿们做了不可描述的事
So, who's the top card on the fight tonight?
那请问谁是格斗之夜的王牌呢
I'm gonna say a Latin guy...
我只能说是一个拉丁人
and a Russian.
和一个俄罗斯人
The fight just gets my boys in the door.
赛事只是让我的男团们入门的引子
What's gonna knock them out is when I wow them
我经历的各种了不起的事
with all the amazing things I've lived through.
才是让他们震撼的重点内容
- Snooze. - Not the way I do it.
-感觉要听睡着 -我讲故事才不会
I've updated the lyrics to billy Joel's "We Didn't Start the Fire."
我把比利·乔的《不是我们点的火》歌词升级了一下
‭It's not everyone who can rhyme
不是谁都能将"野马追捕"[出自辛普森案]
"Bronco chase" With "Melrose Place."
和"飞跃情海"进行押韵的
I still can't find any '90s thing
我还没找到能和"迈克尔·贝"
that rhymes with "Michael Bay."
押韵的90年代的名词
Dr. Dre, Ellen's gay, Y2K --
博士德瑞 艾伦出柜 千年虫...
Don't you have someplace to be?
你没什么地方要去吗
It's boys' night, no chicks allowed.
今晚是男孩之夜 女士勿扰
Kid 'N Play, "Groundhog Day," Tammy Faye...
嘻哈乐队 《土拨鼠之日》 塔米·菲
Hello.
Speaking.
请讲
Yes, of course I'll hold.
好 我当然不会挂断
Gloria, it's CalShopTV.
歌洛莉亚 是快购频道
I think they're gonna give me a slot to sell my dog beds.
我觉得他们要邀请我出镜去卖狗床
CalShopTV?
快购频道
The Southland's premier shopping network?
南部地区首屈一指的购物电视网
I watch it all the time.
我总是看这个节目
And so do all my friends.
我所有的朋友也都看
This is big time, Gloria.
这是个大好机会 歌洛莉亚
People buy all sorts of crap on there.
大家总是在那里买乱七八糟的东西
Hey, I'll finally get to use my spray-on hair!
话说 我终于有机会用我的假发喷雾了
Great,
太好了
it's all coming together for you.
你的人生真是到达了巅峰
This is a long time to be on hold.
这等的时间有点长啊
I've never been this stressed out listening to James Taylor.
我听詹姆斯·泰勒的声音从没这么紧张过
Hang up. If it's good news,
挂了吧 如果是好消息
- they're gonna call you back. - What do you mean "If"?
-他们会回拨的 -你说"如果"是什么意思
It's gotta be good news, right? I mean...
肯定会是好消息 对吧
I mean, it shouldn't take this long for a "Yes" --
我是说 同意一下不会需要这么久吧
Are they calling to say "No"?
难道他们是打过来拒绝的
Are these sons of bitches rejecting me?
难道这些狗混蛋想拒绝我
Like I need this cheesy, third-rate --
说得好像我稀罕这个三流的...
Yes, I'm still here.
没错 我还在听
Tonight? Of course! I'll see you then!
今晚吗 当然好 到时候见
Gloria, they want me!
歌洛莉亚 他们想要我
It's the primo 10:00 p.m. slot
是晚上十点的黄金时间档
exactly when people are drunk enough to make bad decisions,
那个时候人们正喝多了乱做决定
but not so drunk they can't read
但又不至于醉到认不出
the back of their credit cards.
信用卡后面的数字
You know what would be the coolest move ever?
你知道今晚最酷的行为应该是什么吗
If you don't tell anyone that you're doing it.
你可以先不告诉任何人你要上电视
Tell them after.
之后再告诉他们
Be like, "Yeah, I was on TV, whatever."
就像"是啦 我上电视了 没什么了不起的"
- Happy anniversary! - ‭Oh, my gosh.
-纪念日快乐 -吓死我了
I'm -- I'm so sorry I forgot yesterday, um,
真的很抱歉我昨天忘记了
but I love you, and I hope that
但是我很爱你 我希望
this makes up for it.
这能弥补
Oh, thank you, you did-- Mitchell --
谢谢你 你 米奇尔
A belt buckle, I love it!
一个皮带扣 我太喜欢了
Yeah, see, I thought this was a uterus,
你看 我本来以为这是个子宫
but they told me it's a longhorn.
不过他们说这是个长角牛
Yeah, a Texas longhorn.
没错 德克萨斯长角牛
No, just a longhorn.
不 就是普通长角牛
I thought you could wear it line dancing tonight.
我觉得你今晚跳排舞的时候可以戴着
Are you sure I can't convince you to come?
你确定真的不跟我一起去吗
You know, it's two-for-one Alabama Slammers
今晚长岛冰茶和迷情俄克拉荷马
- and Oklahoma Comas. - You know, I'd rather stay here
-可是买一赠一哦 -我还是在家吧
and have a free drink without a sad ending.
喝点免费的酒 起码结局不会太惨
Boys' night!
男孩之夜
Unlike in high school and most of college,
跟在高中和大学时不一样
- by choice. - Where's the opener?
-你们是主动来的 -开瓶器在哪里
You don't need an opener. Hand it over.
不需要开瓶器也能打开的 拿过来
Let me show you how it used to be done.
让我演示下以前是怎么开啤酒的
Oh, dear God.
天 完蛋了
No one tell Claire I did that.
谁也不许告诉克莱尔这是我干的
You know my friend Corey
你还记得我那个叫科里的朋友
who comes over here and broke that lamp?
来我们家的时候把灯弄坏了吗
There is no Corey. We'll blame it on him.
没有科里这个人 把错推在他身上好了
Okay.
好的
I learned that trick on a log in the woods.
我在森林里的一根木头上学会的这招
I was, uh, hanging out with my biker buddies.
当时我正和我的摩托伙伴出去玩
We'd just pedaled out --
我们正骑着...
You know what happened to me in the woods once?
你知道有一次我在森林里遇上什么了吗
I was bow hunting, this freak blizzard hits.
我拿着弓箭在打猎 结果恐怖的暴风雪来了
I had to literally cut open an elk,
我不得不剖开一头麋鹿
clean his guts out, climb inside for the whole night
把内脏清出来 躲进去一整晚
just to keep from freezing.
才不至于被冻死
Wow. ‭No way.
天啊 不可能吧
I once found a bird's nest
我有一次发现了一个鸟窝
on the ground. True story.
就在地上 真事
So, then what happened, Bill?
然后呢 后来怎么样了 比尔
Oh, be careful. My dad tried one of those earlier
小心点 我爸之前尝了尝
and my mom said he cried.
我妈说他辣哭了
I didn't cry. That was sweat from my eyes.
我没哭 是我的眼睛流汗了
- I mean, I'll try one. - ‭No, don't, Bill.
-我就尝一个 -不要啊 比尔
I drank all the milk!
我已经把解辣的牛奶喝完了
Missing something. I think it needs some Tabasco.
少点东西 我觉得需要加点辣酱
Bill, you're the man.
比尔 你真是猛男
Come on, hardly. I'm not even the man here.
没有啦 算不上 我都不算这里最猛的
Oh, well, thank you, Bill.
好吧 谢谢你 比尔
Dylan, tell them about that life you saved
迪兰 你来讲讲你几天前
at the hospital the other night.
在医院救的那个人
Oh, I never thought I'd see
我从来没想过能见到
someone with a golf club through his neck --
脖子里插了根高尔夫球杆的人
Come on, let's not make Dylan compete with bird's nest.
行了 别拿迪兰跟鸟窝比了
It's fight time, gents,
格斗时间到 先生们
courtesy of Big Daddy Dunphy!
邓菲老爹献给各位的大礼
No need for each of you
你们不用每个人
to Venmo me $19. I got this.
给我转19美金 我来出钱
Things are, uh -- Things are going well.
一切都 都挺好的
计次收费节目
Wait, what's -- what's going on?
等等 怎么回事
- I bought the fight. - Go to "Purchases."
-我买了这个节目的啊 -点击"已购买"
最近购买
Dad, you didn't buy MMA.
爸 你没买综合格斗赛
You bought "Mamma Mia."
你买的是《妈妈咪呀》
‭Why would I buy "Mamma Mia"?
我怎么会买《妈妈咪呀》
I've seen it, like, three ti-- I mean...
我都看过三次 我是说...
Well, you guys want to see a video I took on my phone
你们想看看我拿手机拍的
of a guy's car exploding?
某个人的车爆炸的视频吗
Yeah.
好啊
Check this out.
看看这个
米格酒吧
I'm just saying,
我只是想说
as someone who was actually born in a barn,
作为一个在谷仓里出生的人
- that's an unfair stereotype. - ‭Okay, yes.
-那种刻板印象太不公平了 -没错
I'm sorry.
不好意思
Don't all turn at once.
别一起回头
Comin' in the front door, poser alert.
正门进来一个装模作样的家伙
- Where? - ‭Oh, that is a bad look.
-在哪 -那身装扮真难看
Oh, is that a price tag still on his hat?
他帽子上的标价牌好像还没摘
Oh, Lord. I think he bought it today.
老天爷 我觉得他是今天刚买的
Here he comes. Here he comes. 2:00.
他过来了 他过来了 两点钟方向
Your 2:00 or mine?
你的两点还是我的两点
- Oh, God, it's mine. - Cam!
-老天 是我的 -小卡
Surprise!
惊喜哦
- Do you know him? - A little.
-你认识他吗 -略熟
Representative.
客服
Representative.
客服
Dunphy.
邓菲
Dun-phy.
邓 菲
Dun-- No.
邓[结束] 不
No, no, no. I'm not done.
不不不 我还没结束
I'm not done! Come on!
我还没说完 拜托
Somewhat satisfied.
基本满意
I couldn't get through to the cable company.
给有线电视公司打电话打不通
I had to think fast --
我不得不随机应变
these guys were here to watch a fight,
这些小伙子是来看对战的
so I decided to show them the most epic battle of all time.
所以我决定让他们看史上最精彩的对战
Wax on...
上蜡
This Daniel dude is about to get his ass kicked.
这个叫丹尼尔的家伙会被揍个半死
He's had no real training.
他根本没受过真正的训练
You gotta do push-ups, cardio...
你得做俯卧撑 有氧运动
Waxing a car?
给车上蜡
That's how we haze the probies at the firehouse.
我们在消防站都是这么耍菜鸟的
Yeah, why's the kid still listening to that crazy old man?
是啊 这孩子为什么一直听这疯老头的
He's not crazy, he's wise.
他不是疯子 他是智者
There was a time when young people respected mentorship.
在以前 年轻人是很尊重师长的
Seems like he's just using him to do chores.
看起来那老家伙只是在利用他做杂务
Oh, God, he's doing that scarecrow move again.
天呐 他又在做稻草人姿势了
Why? It's completely wobbly
为什么 一点也不稳
and you can't get any leverage.
不可能达到平衡
It's called the crane and it's unstoppable.
那叫起重机式 是无敌的
I don't know about unstoppable.
我看不像是无敌的
It's a sophisticated move that uses the grace of the human --
那是个精巧的招式 利用人的优雅
Well, don't do that.
别推啊
See? The old dude has no idea what he's talking about.
瞧 这老家伙根本就是胡说八道
Stop calling him the old dude. He's my age!
别再叫他老家伙了 他和我一个年纪
And he's just trying to shape a young mind!
他只是想教导一下年轻人
Oh, wow, there we go.
好了 这就对了
I'm so happy you're here. Such a sweet gesture.
你来了我真高兴 你这么做真贴心
My gosh, and look at your new boots.
天啊 看看你的新靴子
- Look at those boots. - ‭Yeah.
-看看这双靴子 -是啊
So shiny and blue.
闪亮亮的蓝色
Anyway, honey, you know,
总之 亲爱的 要知道
you're looking just a little bit store-bought cowboy...
你看起来有点像现学现卖的牛仔
so maybe lose something...
所以不如收敛一点
That's embarrassing. There we go.
真丢人 这就脱
Oh, more fringe. Wow. Oh, my gosh.
下面还有穗子 我的天
I feel like Tina Turner with all this, you know?
穿着这身让我觉得自己像蒂娜·特纳
Country folk don't shimmy.
乡下人不甩穗子
- They don't? Are you sure? - Stop shimmying. Stop.
-不甩吗 你确定吗 -别甩了
Okay, okay. Still learning.
好吧 我还在学习
Uh, but look. I, uh --
但你看 我
I bought a buckle, huh? Just like yours?
我买了皮带扣 和你的一样
- Oh, I... - ‭Where is it?
-我... -你的呢
W-Well, you know what? It's so fancy,
是这样的 那个太华丽了
and I didn't want to show off in front of my friends.
我不想在朋友面前炫耀
They're not as well off as we are, so...
他们日子过得没我们好 所以...
Line 'em up, little doggies!
排好队 狗崽子们
Reckon I can have this dance?
我想我能和你跳支舞
Well, it's a line dance. It's very complicated.
是排舞 很复杂的
Well, I'll pick it up. Remember how fast I learned
我现学 记不记得我上次
the hora at Pepper's adult bar-mitzvah?
在胡娇的"成人"酒吧礼上学霍拉舞学得多快
- Very fast. - Cam! Over here!
-特别快 -小卡 快过来
All right. Yeah, here we go.
好 我们来了
Do it.
跳起来
Okay.
好吧
Oh, it just starts.
就这么开跳了
There it is.
就是这样
- Sorry, sorry. - ‭It's okay.
-抱歉 抱歉 -没关系
Mitchell, scoot your boot.
米奇尔 动作快点
- Sorry. - ‭Mitchell, it's that way.
-抱歉 -米奇尔 该往那边
- Okay, sorry. Okay, sorry. - Oh, my gosh!
-好 抱歉 抱歉 -我的天
- I'm sorry, was that me? Was that me? - Oh, my gosh!
-抱歉 是我跳错了吗 -我的天
Mitchell! Mitchell! Come on.
米奇尔 米奇尔 快起来
- Help me up, help me up, help me up. - Get some traction.
-拉我一把 帮帮我 -找找抓地力
Use your spurs! Dig 'em into the floor.
用你的马刺 用马刺抓地
Get your feet under you, cowboy.
站起身来 牛仔
Okay, I got it. That's what the spurs are for.
我明白了 原来马刺是这个用途
All right. ‭All right.
好了 好了
- Excuse us. Promenade. - Sorry.
-不好意思 借过 -抱歉
Do you think they'll be doing the hora next?
你觉得他们接下来会跳霍拉舞吗
Y-you know what? I'm-I'm-I'm not really comfortable
话说 你把莉莉一个人丢在家里
with you leaving Lily home alone.
我不太放心
Oh, she's not home alone.
她不是一个人在家
I have Claire watching her.
我叫克莱尔去照看她了
Really? I-I've never seen those two talk.
真的吗 我从没见她俩说过话
I'm afraid of Lily.
我很怕莉莉
I know that sounds horrible.
我知道这话听起来很歹毒
What I mean to say is
我的意思是
that lately I am unnerved by the way she'll just sit there,
最近见她坐在那安静地盯着我 评判我
quietly staring, judging me.
会让我很不自在
So, to put it in kinder terms,
所以往好听了说
I'm afraid of Lily.
我害怕莉莉
- Aunt Claire? - ‭Yes?
-克莱尔姑妈 -怎么
What, honey?
怎么了 亲爱的
Why don't you like me?
你为什么不喜欢我
What? I like you.
什么 我喜欢你啊
I-I love you.
我爱你
In fact, I told everyone
事实上 我还告诉所有人
I was watching you tonight so they --
我今晚来照看你 这样他们
they all know where I am.
他们都知道我在哪
I kind of thought you didn't like me.
我还以为你不喜欢我
What gave you that idea?
你为什么这么想
Because you don't really talk to me,
因为你很少跟我说话
and you shoot me these looks,
你总用那种眼神看我
and I feel like you're judging.
我觉得你在评判我
I get nervous around you 'cause you're so cool.
我在你身边很紧张 因为你很酷
That's really sweet.
这话真贴心
Wait, are you being mean?
等等 你是在损我吗
No. Why does everyone always ask me that?
不是 为什么人们总这样问我
No one has called me cool in years.
好多年没人说过我酷了
Ever...
从没说过
I love the way you don't give a damn.
我很喜欢你不在乎的样子
Well, I do play by my own rules.
我确实是个我行我素的人
You do what you want.
你想做什么就做什么
You don't care who you piss off or what anyone thinks of you.
你不在乎会惹怒谁 或是别人对你的看法
This compliment is starting to sound a little bit like an insult.
你的称赞渐渐听起来像在损我了
Well, look who I live with.
都怪我那两个毒舌基老爸的影响
Honey.
亲爱的
Tell you what. Let's hang out,
这样吧 我们一起做点什么
get to know each other, do something fun.
了解一下彼此 找点乐子
Ooh, let's create a Tinder profile of a really hot girl
我们用性感女生的照片在约炮软件上建个账号
and see what pictures guys send us.
看看男生都给我们发什么照片
I need to be the grown-up here,
我得拿出成年人的样子
but I really do want to do that.
但我真的很想那样做
What's this?
这是做什么
Manny and I were thinking
曼尼和我在想
that you should rehearse a little bit before going on TV
你该在上电视前排练一下
where people we know are gonna see you.
到时我们的熟人都会看到你的
I don't need to rehearse.
我不需要排练
Do you know how many commercials I did for Pritchett's Closets?
你知道我为普里契特衣柜拍过多少广告吗
This is live TV. It's a whole different beast.
这是直播电视 可不是一回事
Okay, but don't overdo it, all right?
好吧 但别太过火 明白吗
I want to keep it fresh.
我想保留新鲜感
Mom, you're the host in 3...2...
妈 你来做主持 3 2...
Hello. Welcome to CalShopTV.
大家好 欢迎收看快购频道
I am a perky blonde who is easily amazed.
我是个趾高气扬的金发妞 动不动就被震惊了
I'm Jay Pritchett. I'll bet you were expecting
我是杰·普里契特 我敢说你一定以为
- to hear about closets -- - O-Okay, stop.
-你将听到关于衣柜的... -好了 暂停
Why are you mentioning closets?
你为什么要提到衣柜
Jay, everybody knows that you're the king of closets.
杰 人人都知道你是衣柜之王
If there was a closet hall of fame,
如果衣柜界也有名人堂
you would be in it.
你一定榜上有名
If? What do you think we were doing
什么叫如果 你以为我们那周末
that weekend in Corning, New York?
去纽约科宁是干什么
Let's just stay on topic.
我们别跑题 行吗
And try using colorful language to describe your product
并且尝试用多彩的语言来形容你的产品
like "Stunning" or "Delicious."
比如"惊天好用"或"美味爆棚"
"Delicious"? If my dad heard me say that,
"美味爆棚" 如果我爸听到我说这种娘炮用语
he'd have punched me, and I'd have been grateful.
他一定会揍我 而我也会感激他揍了我
Just cue me. ‭
直接开始吧
Hello. Welcome. This is CalShopTV.
大家好 欢迎收看快购频道
How you doin', folks? If you have a dog --
你们好吗 朋友们 如果你家有狗
No, no, that's too big.
不 那样太严肃了
Why don't you do it like you're goofing on it?
不如你试试轻佻一点的
Like, uh,
像这样
"I don't really care about dog beds. I am a man!"
"我才不在乎什么狗床 老子可是真爷们儿"
Why don't you start off with something funny?
你不如先制造个笑话暖场吧
A kid in my class does arm farts.
我一个同学喜欢用手臂假装放屁
It's hilarious.
笑死个人
Our bodies, huh?
我们的身体真奇妙 不是吗
Come on, guys. You're starting to get in my head.
够了 我都快被你们搞晕了
Well, listen, if you don't feel like you're ready for it,
我说 如果你觉得自己还没准备好
why don't you just cancel?
不如取消上节目吧
It's better than embarrassing yourself.
总好过让自己丢脸嘛
You mean embarrass you.
你是指让你丢脸吧
You don't think I hear your snarky comments?
你以为我没听见你那些刻薄评价吗
You think dog beds are silly. I get it.
你觉得狗床很蠢 我明白
Right now, I need people who believe in me,
此刻 我需要真心看好我的人
so why don't you just stay home.
所以不如你就待在家吧
Did he really think I was going with him?
他真以为我会追上去吗
I'm so sorry, Donna. H-How is your knee feeling?
抱歉 多娜 你的膝盖怎么样了
Oh, my knee's fine.
我的膝盖没事
It's my shin where your little buddy's spurs got me.
你那小个子舞伴的马刺踢到的是我的小腿
Yeah, Mitchell, why did you get spurs?
是啊 米奇尔 你为什么要买马刺靴
It was an impulse buy. They were at the register.
我也是一时冲动 当时靴子就摆在收银台
All right, folks, we're about to kick off the beer relay!
好啦 各位 啤酒接力赛即将开始
- Beer relay! Come on, team! - I'm sorry, guys.
-啤酒接力赛 来吧 队友们 -抱歉 各位
I just took a painkiller. I am out for the night.
我刚吃了一颗止痛药 我今晚不能喝酒了
Damn it. I've been practicing for this all week.
该死 我都为此练习一星期了
Yeah, we know, Nate. You might have a problem.
我们知道 内特 你可能有酗酒问题
Um, I-I could sit in for her.
我可以代她参赛
- Oh, seriously? I don't think... - ‭I can chug.
-说真的吗 我想你不... -我也能一口闷啊
Remember that time we went through security
还记得那次 我们过安检时
and I forgot I had a bottle of water in my bag?
我忘记包里还有一瓶水吗
Come on! Come on, cowboys. Saddle up!
上啊 牛仔们 准备开始[装上马鞍]
All right, Mitch. Donna always goes first,
是这样的 米奇 多娜每次都排第一个
so you take her spot.
所以你顶替她的位置
All right, set the pace. I love it.
好的 带个好节奏 我喜欢
Okay, you dirtbags, let's do this.
好了 废物们 准备开喝
Ready...set...
各就位 预备
- chug! ‭- All right, let's go!
-开始 -好 开战
Chug, Mitchell, chug!
快喝 米奇尔 加油
- You gotta chug. - Is it possible there's more bubbles in mine?
-你得一口闷 -我啤酒里的气泡是不是比别人的多
- No. It's the same, yeah. - No?
-不 是一样的 -没有吗
Come on, Mitch!
加油 米奇
Stop nursing it like a little baby!
别像婴儿一样小口嘬
You know what, Nate?
你知道吗 内特
I don't respond well to negativity,
我不擅长应对负面情绪
so you can all just take that down a-a notch.
所以你们都给我收敛一点
Here we go. Drink, drink, drink!
给他呐喊鼓劲吧 喝 喝 喝
- Mitchell, you have to drink! - Chug it. Come on.
-米奇尔 你得喝啊 -一口闷 快啊
We got a winner!
赢家诞生
It's like he's waterboarding himself.
他简直像在给自己行水刑一样
We balance this bucket on the top of the door, just so,
我们把桶放在门上面 刚好放稳了
and when your dads come home,
等你大爸小爸一进门
spills water on them.
水就兜头盖脸淋下去
Hot boiling water?
沸腾的热水吗
- What? No. ‭- Okay.
-什么 不是 -好吧
I guess it's still funny.
用冷水应该也挺好玩的
And you're saying this is a cool thing
你是说这是酷的人
that cool people would do?
会做的酷事吗
Lily, I can't lie to you.
莉莉 我没法对你说谎
It's not cool, and neither am I.
这一点都不酷 我也不酷
Food trucks make me nervous.
流动餐车让我紧张
I leave voicemails.
我会留语音留言
I prefer The Weather Channel to MTV.
比起音乐电视台 我更喜欢天气台
Is MTV still cool?
音乐电视台现在还酷吗
I've never heard of it.
我从来没听过
I am not cool.
我根本不酷
I don't think I'm cool, either.
我觉得我也不酷
Maybe that's our thing.
或许那就是我们的共同之处
Maybe we can be uncool together.
也许我们可以一起做不酷的人
That sounds nice. ‭
听起来不错
Except when I'm with my friends, then I don't know you.
只是当我和朋友们一起时 我会假装不认识你
I respect that.
我尊重这个决定
You know what would be fun?
你知道什么才好玩吗
Filling the bucket with spiders.
往桶里装满蜘蛛
You might need help.
你可能需要去看心理医生
Dad? Did you eat another pepper?
爸 你是不是又吃了一个辣椒
- No. - It's not about the pepper.
-没有 -不是因为辣椒
You're upset we made fun of the movie, aren't you?
你是气我们取笑那部电影 对吧
Hey, that's just what our generation does.
我们这代人就这样
We goof on things that scare us
我们拿让我们害怕的事物开玩笑
because of how much we love them.
恰恰因为我们很喜欢它们
Yeah. We wish there was a sequel.
没错 我们真希望那部电影有续集
There's actually two.
其实有两部续集
Idiot. I'm not watching another one.
白痴 我可不要再看一部
Mr. D, I know that this might
邓先生 我知道
sound like the craziest thing ever,
这听起来也许很疯狂
but are you upset because you want to see yourself
但你生气是不是因为你想视自己为
- as our Mr. Miata? - That's just dumb.
-我们的宫保师父 -那也太蠢了吧
Yeah, don't waste one of our guesses on that.
是啊 别浪费我们一次猜测机会
- It's Miyagi. - ‭Told you.
-是宫城 -我就说吧
It's ridiculous to say this out loud,
这话说出来很荒谬
but I guess I just wanted to feel
但我可能就是想做个
like someone you guys could look up to.
能让你们钦佩的人
What are you talking about? Everybody looks up to you.
你在说什么傻话 大家都钦佩你
Yeah.
没错
The hardest thing about dating Alex --
跟艾丽克斯约会最困难的就是...
well, besides all the big words --
除了她那些高深的用词以外
is just knowing she grew up
就是知道她成长过程中
with a perfect guy in her life.
身边都有一个完美的男人
It's pretty hard to compete with.
很难跟他竞争
That's what scares me about having kids with Haley.
我害怕跟海莉一起养育孩子 也是因为这个
Even if I'm an awesome dad,
就算我是个很称职的爸爸
I'll still fall short of you.
我也永远赶不上你
Try being his son, knowing you'll never measure up.
试试当他的儿子 知道自己永远达不到期望
It's no picnic.
可不是轻松的事[野餐]
Which is ironic, because we go on a lot of picnics.
说来也挺讽刺 因为我们常去野餐
You're also the best magician I've ever seen.
你还是我见过最厉害的魔术师
Not to mention the best real-estate agent,
更别说是最优秀的房产经纪人
the best party deejay...
最牛的派对DJ
The best cowboy,
最帅气的牛仔
riverboat gambler, medieval knight...
赌侠 中世纪骑士
Those are just old-timey photos from amusement parks, but...
那些只是以前去游乐场拍的照片啦 不过...
I just love you guys, and...
我就是很爱你们
I want to pass on some of the things that I've learned.
所以想把我的一些人生经验传授给你们
Like...
比如说
never try to take a tennis ball away from a raccoon.
千万别从浣熊爪下抢走网球
Or...
或是
never go to play tennis with just one ball.
去打网球永远不要只带一个球
That is good to know.
很高兴知道这点
Or, you know, stuff like
或是类似
find the fun in every moment,
在任何时刻都要寻找乐趣
find the good in every person,
在每个人身上寻找闪光点
or never, ever be the one who doesn't do the wave.
以及 永远不要不参与玩人浪游戏
Those people die alone.
那些人会孤独终老的
Thanks, Mr. D-yagi.
谢谢 邓城先生
I'm gonna need another minute.
我要再去哭一会儿
Good news.
好消息
- You okay? - ‭Mm-hmm.
-你没事吧 -没事
I, uh -- I just slipped the guy $20
我刚塞给那家伙20美元
so that we could ride the mechanical bull together.
这样我们就可以一起骑那个机械牛了
Okay, which guy? Because that's a plastic cow,
哪个家伙 因为那是个塑料做的牛
doesn't move, and...
根本不会动 还有...
there's an "X" at the back to tell you which is the front.
这后面有个X符号 显示哪边才是前面
Listen, it's starting to slow down.
你听 节奏都慢下来了 意兴阑珊
- We should get going, huh? ‭- Really?
-我们该走了 对吧 -是吗
All right, folks, grab your partner!
好了 各位 找到你的同伴
Night's just gettin' started.
美好的夜晚才刚刚开始
I'll get us a car.
我来叫车
Why are you in such a rush to get us out of here?
你为什么这么急着让我们离开
Is it about me?
是因为我吗
No!
不是
It's about your clothes
是因为你夸张的服装
and your dancing
你拙劣的舞蹈
and your drinking and your --
你丢人的酒量 以及...
Okay, okay, okay, I get it.
好了 够了 我懂了
You're embarrassed of me.
你觉得我让你难堪了
You know, you're the one who's been asking me to come here for years.
是你多年来一直撺掇我过来
I really thought I wanted you here, but then,
我之前真的以为我想要你来这里 但后来
once you came here,
当你真的来了
I discovered that I don't really want you here.
我发现我并不希望你来
Wow, that is beyond --
哇 那真是太...
Okay, well, let me ask you.
好 那我问你
Did you have a good time tonight?
你今晚玩得开心吗
I was with you!
我跟你在一起啊
- Okay, answer the question. - ‭No.
-请直接回答问题 -不开心
No, the floor's sticky, I don't know a single song,
不 地板很黏 这些歌我一首都没听过
and I'm not entirely sure donna isn't your sister, Pam.
另外 多娜和你姐姐帕姆 简直傻傻分不清楚
Honey, I appreciate that you went to all this trouble,
亲爱的 我很感激你这么费心费力地讨我欢心
but you know what?
但你知道吗
Maybe we don't have to do everything together.
或许我们不必事事都一起经历
Maybe that's how we'll make sure
或许只有这样我们才能确保
we have lots of anniversaries.
我们还能一起过很多的纪念日
And I promise never to forget again.
我保证以后再也不会忘记纪念日
And I promise I'll never count down the seconds to shame you.
我也保证我永远不会再倒数 故意让你难堪
Okay, let's get you out of that belt buckle.
好了 先把你的皮带扣取下来吧
No, I didn't mean it in a sexy way.
不 我没有挑逗你的意思
It's hideous. It looks like something you'd get off CalShopTV.
丑爆了 就像从快购频道买的垃圾货
Um, can you call me a driver for the ride home?
你能帮我叫个司机 回头开车送我回家吗
Hi! Are you the dog bed guy? I'm Linda.
嗨 你是那个卖狗床的吗 我是琳达
My wife loves you. She couldn't make it tonight.
我妻子超爱你 她今晚有事来不了
I'm sure you have a really nice wife, dog bed guy.
我相信你一定有个很棒的妻子 卖狗床的
- Do you have any advice? - Uh, talk loud.
-你有什么建议吗 -说话大声点
A lot of people are watching this in hospital waiting rooms.
很多观众都是在医院等候室里无聊等候的人
How big an audience do you usually get?
一般的收视人数有多少
Saturday night?
周六晚上吗
300,000, 400,000.
大约三四十万吧
Oh, my God,
天啊
CalShopTV viewers,
快购频道的观众朋友们
I have a very special treat for you.
我今天有份好礼要送给你们
Joining me is Jay Pritchett
今天的嘉宾是杰·普里契特
with the most exciting new product.
他带来了最激动人心的新产品
Right, Jay?
对吧 杰
I'm Jay!
我是杰
Whoo! Yeah, you are.
太棒了 没错你就是
So, tell me about these adorable little creations.
跟我说说这些可爱的新产品吧
Uh, dog beds.
狗床
- Dog beds? - Wait, so you're telling me
-狗床 -等等 你是在告诉我
this pineapple is a dog bed?
这个菠萝是狗床吗
Wh-- Well, now I've seen everything.
感觉此刻人生圆满了
Tell me more.
再多介绍一些吧
You know, dogs get tired...
就是 狗有时候会累
...and, uh, so... these.
于是就要用上这些
Gosh, I feel like I'm doing most of the talking.
天啊 我感觉都是我一个人在说
How would you describe your dog beds?
你觉得你的狗床有什么特色
Delicious?
"美味爆棚"
I gave him that.
那句是我教的
Jay, anything else you'd like to share
杰 你还有没有什么要跟我们
with our CalShopTV audience?
快购频道的观众们分享的
Something to get those phone lines buzzing?
能够让他们踊跃打电话来订购的那种
Do it.
快放屁
Do it.
快放屁
Oh, and it looks like we've got a caller.
似乎有位听众打电话来了
Hello, this is Joanne from Riverside.
你好 我是来自里弗赛德市的乔安
I love dogs!
我超爱狗狗
Hello, Joanne.
你好 乔安
I have a question.
我有个问题
It is called, uh, Beds by Stella.
产品名字叫"斯黛拉的床"
Who is Stella?
斯黛拉是谁
She's my dog.
它是我的狗
I see that she's your inspiration for what you're doing.
看来它是你开发这款产品的创意来源啊
What kind of dog is she?
它是什么样的狗
French bulldog. And I know what you're thinking.
法国斗牛犬 我知道你在想什么
Uh, she's French, so she has an attitude.
因为它有法国血统 所以态度很傲慢
French people are so snooty. I love it.
法国人都很傲慢 我超爱这笑话
But not my little girl.
但我家宝贝女儿不是这样
Uh, she's the salt of the Earth.
它很乖的
I mean, you should see her when I sit her next to me
你们真应该看看我在看体育赛事时
when I'm watching sports.
它坐在我旁边的乖巧样
You know, I explain the whole game to her,
我会全程将赛事解释给它听
which is funny because, you know, um,
那很搞笑 因为
dogs don't really understand sports.
狗是看不懂体育赛事的
Oh, yeah, that's cute,
是啊 那好萌
but I bet that it's very annoying
但我敢说跟你一起生活的人
for the people that live with you.
一定觉得它很烦
Yeah, well, you know, they say they don't love her,
这个嘛 他们嘴上都说不爱它
but I know they do,
但我知道他们内心是爱的
uh, because she's part of the family,
因为它也是家庭的一员
so she deserves a-a comfortable, fun place to sleep.
因此它值得拥有舒适有趣的地方用来睡觉
Like your dogs.
就跟你们家的狗一样
Uh, you know, I call this one the Puppy Colada,
我给这一款取名叫"菠萝狗乐达"
and, uh, the Rover Rocket.
这一款叫"流浪狗火箭"
This one here is the, uh, Pupcake.
这个是"狗杯蛋糕"
This is the Tailavision,
这一款叫"电视狗"
and our latest creation is the Taj Mahowl!
以及我们最新款的"泰姬玛嚎陵"
Wow, our phones are lighting up.
哇 现在热线电话快被打爆了
Thank you, Mr. Pritchett. I can feel all the
谢谢你 普里契特先生 我可以感受到
love and hard work that you put into your beds.
你为这些床付出的爱和努力
I am very proud of you.
我为你感到骄傲
Thank you, Joanne from Riverside.
谢谢你 来自里弗赛德市的乔安
I love you.
我爱你
Oh, hold on. Okay, wait. I just got it.
等等 我才反应过来这个笑点
Taj Mahowl!
泰姬玛"嚎"陵
That's it!
没错
Thank you, Janet from Pomona,
谢谢你 来自波莫纳的珍妮特
and to your little Pomeranian, Tony,
以及你的博美犬 托尼
I'd just like to say...
我只想吼一句...
I can't believe I'm saying this,
我真不敢相信我会说这话
but you might be weirder than the knife guy.
但你或许比那个卖刀的家伙还要古怪
Oh, look at that.
听听
You just sold your hundredth dog bed.
你刚刚卖出了第一百张狗床
How 'bout a little tail wag?
不如来个摇尾舞吧
You don't have to ask me twice.
你说做那就做
Good God, Dad.
老天爷啊 爸
We may have to make some difficult decisions soon.
我们可能很快就要做些艰难的决定了
Wait, that's the guy you were afraid
等等 那就是你所说的你害怕
you couldn't live up to?
永远无法企及的家伙吗
I know.
我懂的
Legend.
真是个传奇