摩登家庭 第十季 Modern Family Season 10 第20集: Can't Elope

上映日期: 2,018

语言: 英语

影片类型: 喜剧 / 家庭

导演: 盖尔·曼库索 / 斯蒂文·莱维坦

演员: 艾德·奥尼尔 / 索菲娅·维加拉 / 朱丽·鲍温 / 泰·布利尔 / 杰西·泰勒·弗格森 / 艾瑞克·斯通斯崔特 / 萨拉·海蓝德 / 阿芮尔·温特 / 诺兰·古德 / 里克·罗德里格兹 / 奥布里·


台词
Mnh! How can my babies be early?!
我的宝宝怎么会早到
I've never been early to anything!
我什么事都没早过
Maybe they're not mine!
也许他们不是我的娃
I've always been faithful to you!
我可对你一直都很忠贞
Push, damn it!
使劲啊 靠
I'm not losing another baby today.
我不要今天再失去一个孩子了
Cardiac arrest.
心脏骤停
Crash cart!
急救车
The shock could kill the baby!
电击可能会要了孩子的命
That's something I'll just have to live with.
这是没有办法的办法了
Maybe we could turn off the TV?
也许我们该把电视关掉
Clear! ‭
离手
Well, folks, I'm afraid I have some bad news.
伙计们 我恐怕得告诉你们一些坏消息
Oh, my God, no.
天哪 不要
N-No, not that bad.
不 不是 没有那么糟糕
I'm sorry. I did not think that through.
我很抱歉 刚才我没过脑子
No, you're not giving birth today.
你今天不会生产
You've had false contractions, known as Braxton Hicks.
刚才你经历的被称作假宫缩
It's very common.
很常见的
Uh, so what does that mean timing-wise?
那意味着我会什么时候生呢
It's no indication.
不一定
It could be five weeks from now,
可能是现在起五周后
could be five hours from now.
也可能是现在起五小时后
I suggest you and your husband go home,
我建议你和你老公回家
get some sleep while you still can.
趁你还可以的时候多睡会儿
Oh, we're not married. We're just lovers.
我们还没结婚 只是情侣
Ugh! Yuck.
She hates that word.
她讨厌那个词
Grosses me out, too,
我也觉得恶心
and I spend a lot of my time covered in afterbirth.
我可是看过无数产后护理惨况的人呢
Everything okay?
一切都还好吧
Um... that was weird.
感觉很怪
Those little people with the full-size baby?
你是说那对抱着全尺寸婴儿的侏儒吗
No, when the doctor called you my husband.
不是 是医生说你是我老公这件事
Well, people are gonna assume --
人们都会下意识觉得吧
No, it -- it was weird because I...
不是... 感觉很奇怪是因为我...
liked it.
喜欢这个称呼
Seriously? Because I proposed, like, six times.
你不是吧 我求婚过大概六次了
I know. I just --
我知道 我只是...
It seemed so old-fashioned at the time,
它在当时看起来太过时了
but when I thought that the babies were coming,
但是当我想到孩子们要出生的时候
I-I...
我...
Are you saying what I think you're saying?
你是要说出我认为你将要说的话了吗
I'm gonna need a little help here.
我需要一点帮助
Okay.
好了
Okay, we're good.
行了 我好了
Dylan Stardust Marshall, will you --
迪兰·星尘·马歇尔 你愿意...
Oh! Going over. Okay. Okay.
要倒了要倒了 好吧
I'm fine. I'm fine. It's okay.
我很好 我很好 没事
Will you marry me?
你愿意娶我吗
Oh, my God.
我的天哪
This is exactly how I imagined it.
这跟我想象中的场景一模一样
家 庭
摩 登
第十季 第二十集
I can't get in!
我进不去
Damn it, Cam! We need those tickets!
该死 小卡 我们一定要抢到票
- Come on, refresh. - ‭I am!
-加油 刷新 -我在刷新了
- Refresh like your life depends on it! - ‭I am!
-使出吃奶的劲儿刷新 -我在了
Tonight is the L.A. Premiere
今晚是《苏菲的抉择:音乐剧》的
of "Sophie's Choice: The Musical."
洛杉矶首映式
And it sold out in seconds,
票在顷刻之间就卖光了
but the theater reserved a few amazing house seats
但是剧院保留了一些很棒的座位
for an online lottery.
可以网上抽签获取
And there's a rumor
有谣言称
Meryl Streep is going to be in the audience.
梅丽尔·斯特里普也会去观演
梅丽尔·斯特里普是电影版的苏菲她以此片得到了奥斯卡金像奖最佳女主角
- Oh, my God. - You have to
-不敢相信 -真得为那个
feel for that poor actress playing Sophie.
扮演苏菲的女演员默哀
It'd be like me sewing costumes in front of Bob Mackie.
就像我在鲍勃·麦基面前缝制戏服一样
知名大牌服装设计师
And the award for the gayest thing ever said goes to...
现在为您颁发世上最基发言奖 得奖人是...
- I'm in! - ‭You are?!
-我进去了 -真的吗
- We have seats! - ‭Oh, my God!
-我们有座位啦 -苍天啊
- Focus, focus. - ‭Okay, all right.
-集中注意力 -好了
Okay, it's one of those ticking clock things.
好了 这边是付款倒计时
That's fine. We just need my...credit card.
那很好 我只需找到我的信用卡
Where's my wallet? Where -- Where's my wall--
我的钱包呢 我的钱包 钱包
- Where's my wallet?! - Seriously? Again?
-我的钱包去哪儿了 -不是吧 又这样
Cam, you have to leave it in one place!
小卡 你得把它放在一个固定的地方
I told you a thousand times!
我跟你说过一千遍了
Really? Now?
非得现在说教吗
Okay, just use your credit card.
行了 就用你的信用卡吧
That's weird.
怪了
Okay. I'm gonna be sick. I'm gonna be sick!
好了 我要吐了 我要吐了
- Here -- use mine. - Oh! Thank you, sweetie.
-来 用我的吧 -谢谢 甜心
Okay. ‭Okay. All right.
好了 好了 行了
Is this a sign?
这是什么标志[征兆]吗
Yes! We are meant to see the show!
是啊 预示着我们要去看演出了
No, it's one of those CAPTCHA things.
不是 是检测买票机器人的验证图
Is that a road sign?!
这是个路标吗
- Yes! - ‭I don't know.
-是的 -我不知道
Yes.
是的
Oh, my God!
我的老天啊
Oh, thank you, sweetie. You saved us.
谢谢 甜心宝贝 你救了我们
It's fine. I needed the miles.
没事 我需要刷卡换里程
Thank you.
谢谢你
Where's she off to?
她要去哪里
- I'm sure it's fine. - ‭Okay.
-我肯定没事的 -好吧
How about this one?
这件怎么样
You look gorgeous.
你看起来太美了
Now, remember --
现在 记住...
Okay, this is not my first time
好了 这又不是我第一次
impressing your business associates.
要去哄你的商业伙伴了
I know the drill.
我知道怎么做
Laugh at their jokes, touch their arms...
笑他们的笑话 抚摸他们的手臂
Yeah, and if he pees on the floor,
然后如果他在地板上撒尿
don't make a big deal out of it.
别太当回事儿
What is happening?
怎么回事
I quit the closet game
我退出了衣柜事业
to become the king of high-end, whimsical dog beds.
成为了高端逗趣狗床的尖端人物
And to market them today, I'm hosting
今天 为了推广它们 我要接待
social-media influencer Arthur Goodboy.
社交媒体网红 亚瑟乖仔
This little stud
这只小帅狗
has over 5 million followers on the Instagram.
在网上有超过五百万的粉丝
One photo of him with a product can be a game-changer.
一张他与产品的照片就能改天换地
You made me change three times for a dog?
你让我为一只狗换了三次衣服
He cannot even see this color!
他甚至看不到这个颜色
They can sense the effort!
他们可以感觉到你的努力
Welcome! Welcome. I'm Jay Pritchett.
欢迎 欢迎 我是杰·普里契特
- Hello. - ‭This is my wife, Gloria.
-你好 -这是我老婆歌洛莉亚
Hello.
你们好
Orson Funt.
奥森·丰特
I'm sure everyone knows Arthur Goodboy.
我想大家都认识亚瑟乖仔啦
Who doesn't? And I must admit, I'm a little starstruck.
谁不会呢 我得承认 我有一种遇见巨星的感觉
Don't be.
不必
He puts on his sweaters one leg at a time.
他跟普通狗一样 穿毛衣也是一次一条腿啦
And this is Stella of Dog Beds by Stella,
这是"斯黛拉的狗床"的斯黛拉
but I do most of the design.
不过大部分设计是我做的
Well. She is beautiful for a non-pro.
对于非职业选美选手来说 她很漂亮
- May I? - Here you go. ‭Yes.
-我能抱抱吗 -给你 好了
- May I? - ‭Oh, yeah.
-我能吗 -当然
Thank you. Oh, yes.
谢谢 太棒了
Present! Present.
立正 立正
Who's a lovely lady?
谁是可爱的女士呀
Who's a lovely lady?
谁是可爱的女士呀
Who's an elegant boy? Who's an influencer?
谁是优雅的男孩儿呀 谁是网红呀
Ooh, you are! You are!
你是 你是
Who's an influencer? You are!
谁是网红啊 是你
You want to see the dog beds?
想去看看狗床吗
- Yes. - ‭Follow me.
-想 -跟我来
He's a good father.
他是个好爸爸
He's a good father.
他是个好爸爸
Sir...
先生...
a dog in a pineapple?
狗放在菠萝里
Love!
爱了
I call that one "Puppy Colada."
我叫它"犬凤呈祥"
Stop!
得了
Yes, stop.
是啊 得了
So, what do you say? Are we in business?
那你怎么看 咱们能做这笔生意吗
Oh, down boy.
等一下 别着急
I like to make sure that Arthur Goodboy
在帮你做推荐之前
really loves the product before we do any endorsements.
我得确保亚瑟乖仔真的喜欢这件产品
If we said yes to everything,
如果我们什么都答应
then we're no better than that whore Grumpy Cat.
那跟网红暴躁猫那啥都代言的婊子有何分别
Here, try this one.
来 试试这个
Okay, Mr. Arthur Goodboy.
好了 亚瑟乖仔先生
Why don't you just trot yourself right in there
你何不自己去里面
and take a load off?
打个盹儿呢
You know, he just woke up from a nap, so...
他才刚睡过一阵子 所以...
he will probably tucker out in a couple of hours.
他可能过几小时才会想休息
It's cool, 'cause I have nowhere I need to be.
但没关系 反正我也没有别的事
You don't say.
真"意外"啊
Oh, it's spacious.
里面真宽敞
Haley?
海莉
Over here!
我在这
Mom's not with you, right?
妈没跟你一起出来吧
No.
没有
What's going on?
出什么事了
What could you have possibly done
你已经怀孕了
that's worse than getting pregnant?
还能有什么更严重的
Well, Dylan and I are eloping,
迪兰和我要私奔结婚
and we want you to be the witness.
我们想让你去作见证
Oh, my God! Yes!
我的天 我愿意
Oh, I can't even tell you how special this makes me feel.
我都无法形容这让我觉得自己多特别了
I will not tell anyone. I --
我不会告诉任何人 我
Wait. Why eloping? Why not a wedding?
等等 为什么私奔 为什么不办婚礼
We just want it to be simple and quick.
我们只想简单快速地结婚
And no drama.
不想有各种大戏
- Guess that eliminates Mom. - Yeah.
-那老妈是肯定不能带上了 -是啊
What eliminates Mom?
什么不能带上老妈
You know, uh -- You know, it-it's so funny when --
是这样的 是这样的 说来有趣
when people do such, um, funny --
当人们 做出这种有趣的事
You know, the story is so short,
其实三言两语就能说清
- but it-it-it would be so long... - Enough, enough.
-但又说来话长 -够了 够了
I cannot watch this.
我看不下去了
I felt like she was building to something.
我觉得她要铺垫出个故事了呢
Dylan and I are going to the courthouse to get married.
迪兰和我要去法院结婚
It's nothing personal, you know?
我们不是不想带你
It's just...right now, the last thing we want
只不过 我们现在最不想要的
is it to turn into a big production.
就是最后搞成了大型婚礼
Well, honey, if that's what you want,
亲爱的 假如这是你想要的
as your mother, obviously, it's incredibly painful,
作为你母亲 虽然这显然让我十分痛苦
but that-that's none of your concern.
但你完全不必担心
I just hope you have a wedding that's every bit
我只希望你的婚礼
as wonderful and beautiful as I always imagined.
能和我一直以来想象得一样美好感人
You know -- when I was gonna be part of it.
尽管我不能像想象中那样出席
I knew she'd be cool.
我就知道她不会介意
- Yeah! - ‭Let's roll.
-是啊 -我们走
Mom seemed pretty bummed about it,
老妈看起来挺受打击的
but, you know, this is what we want.
可这是我们想要的
Totally!
没错
Damn it! ‭
妈蛋
How could you do this to your mother?
你怎能这样对你母亲
What's taking them so long?
他们怎么这么慢
I know. It's, like, this wedding isn't about them.
就是说啊 婚礼的主角又不是他们
It's about you and Dylan and me!
是你和迪兰 还有我
Coming!
来了
So sorry.
真抱歉
And don't worry, Haley.
别担心 海莉
I promise you will hardly know we are there at all.
我保证你几乎不会注意到我们在场
What? You're dressed nicer than me.
搞什么 你们穿得比我还正式
Well, I wasn't gonna say anything, but are you sure
我原本不想说什么 但你确定
that's the outfit you want for your special day?
你在这个特别的日子就穿这身衣服吗
It's Haley's wedding. She can dress as bad as she wants.
这是海莉的婚礼 她想穿得多难看都随她
Right.
没错
Who died?
谁死了
Haley and Dylan are getting married.
海莉和迪兰要结婚了
Dressed like that?
穿成这样结婚吗
Now I have to invite Luke?
现在我还得带上卢克
Not if you don't want to.
你不想带就不带
This feels great.
你真会说话
Okay, that is it. Luke, but no one else.
好吧 就带上卢克 不能再加人了
Hey, so, my mom found out your parents are coming,
我妈发现你父母会出席
'cause I told her, and now she's on her way.
因为我告诉她了 现在她也正赶来
And Grandpa's coming.
我外公也来
You guys are gonna love him.
你们会很喜欢他的
Oh, but if he asks you to kill him, don't.
但假如他叫你们杀了他 别下手
I know what you're thinking.
我知道你在想什么
That is a lot of people
人太多了
for a small, impersonal room at the courthouse,
法院那没有人情味的小房间挤不下
and we are on the same page.
我们也是这么想的
So...why don't we just do it here?
所以 为什么不在这结婚
I'm ordained. I can perform the ceremony.
我有证婚人资格 我可以主持婚礼
That is such a great idea!
这个主意太好了
That way, it's easy and intimate.
那样的话 又简单又私人化
I mean, that's what you wanted, right?
这正是你想要的 不是吗
So, go down to the courthouse,
你们先去法院
get your marriage license, come back here,
领结婚证 然后回来
and we'll all be waiting.
我们都在这等着
Fine. But let's go now.
好吧 我们立刻就得去
I'm starving, and they make a great soft pretzel
我饿死了 法院的小卖部
at the courthouse snack shop.
有特别好吃的软椒盐饼
How do you know that?
你是怎么知道的
I can still elope.
我还是可以私奔的
Don't you ruin this for me.
别坏了我的好事
It's fine. It's fine.
无所谓 无所谓
Wait.
等等
If Dylan's bringing his grandfather,
假如迪兰的外公要来
that means we have to invite Dad and Gloria, right?
我们也必须邀请我爸和歌洛莉亚 不是吗
I think so, yeah.
我想是的
But he probably won't show. Jay hates last-minute plans.
但他八成不会来 杰讨厌临时邀约
He'll be like, "Oh, geez, why don't they just elope?"
他会说"老天 他们怎么不私奔"
Grandpa?
外公你来啦
Who's a goody-woody boy?
谁是乖乖仔
Who's a sleepy boy?
谁是犯困的乖仔
I never thought I'd say this,
没想到我会说这种话
but I miss Jay's toxic masculinity.
但我想念杰伤人的大男子主义
At least he's not your real father.
至少他不是你亲爹
- I'll get it! I got it! - I'll get it!
-我来接 我接 -我来接
- Hello? - Hey, Gloria.
-你好 -歌洛莉亚
Haley and Dylan decided to get married this afternoon,
海莉和迪兰决定今天下午结婚
and I know Dad's got that dog-bed thing,
我知道老爸要谈狗床生意
so absolutely no pressure.
所以不必有压力
Yes. We will be there as soon as we can.
好的 我们会尽快赶过去
Jay, I am so sorry to break up
杰 很遗憾不得不打断
this really fun and super normal party,
这个非常有趣非常正常的聚会
but Dylan and Haley decided to get married right now,
但迪兰和海莉决定现在结婚
and Claire wants us there.
克莱尔想让我们过去
Oh, geez, why don't they just elope?
老天 他们怎么不私奔
Actually, Arthur Goodboy loves weddings,
其实亚瑟乖仔很喜欢婚礼
and his followers have been dying to see him in his new tux.
它的粉丝们一直很想看它穿新西装
I-I can bring a bed in case he gets tired.
我可以带个狗床 以防它想休息
Ooh, look. Somebody's got a crush.
快看 有人心动了
Would Miss Stella do us the honor
斯黛拉小姐可否赏光
of escorting Arthur Goodboy to the wedding?!
陪亚瑟乖仔一同出席婚礼
Gosh, yes! A thousand times yes!
老天 当然 一万个愿意
Well. You're not gonna believe this.
说出来你肯定不信
They're coming.
他们会来
Well, if they're coming, does that mean
假如他们会来 那我们是不是
we need to invite Mitch and Cam?
也得邀请米奇和小卡
Imagine the drama if we didn't.
想象一下不请的话他们得有多少狗血戏
♪ Who should I choose? ♪
♪ 我该选择谁 ♪
♪ Either way, I lose ♪
♪ 选一个都得失去另一个 ♪
♪ I stare at the gun ♪
♪ 我盯着枪扣 ♪
♪ Is it daughter, is it son? ♪
♪ 是选我女儿 还是选儿子 ♪
♪ Choices ♪
♪ 抉择 ♪
- ♪ Impossible choices ♪ - ‭♪ Choices ♪
-♪ 困难的抉择 ♪ -♪ 抉择 ♪
- ♪ Impossible choices ♪ - ♪ Impossible ♪
-♪ 困难的抉择 ♪ -♪ 困难 ♪
♪ Choices ♪
♪ 抉择 ♪
This is why I can't have friends over.
这就是为什么我不能邀请朋友来做客
Okay.
好吧
Somebody just snarked her way
某人因为损人
out of a "Sophie's Choice" Hoodie!
没有《苏菲的抉择》卫衣穿了
That's right.
没错
Hey, Claire. What's up?
克莱尔 什么事
So, Haley and Dylan decided to get married,
海莉和迪兰决定结婚了
and they'd be devastated if you weren't there.
你们要是不来他们会伤心死的
Oh, of course! We wouldn't miss it for the world!
当然 我们无论如何也不会错过
Just tell us when.
告诉我们什么时候
In about an hour.
大约一小时后
Oh, my -- Hey, uh, let --
我的天 我
let me call you right back, okay?
我稍后给你回电话 好吗
Are you kidding me?!
开什么玩笑
I know! What do we do -- a musical or the wedding?
就是说 该怎么办 音乐剧还是婚礼
It's the cruelest decision anyone's ever been forced to make.
世上没人被迫面临过更残酷的选择
- Hello? We are here! - Knock, knock!
-有人吗 我们来了 -敲敲门
What is all this?
这都是些什么
Hey, Claire.
克莱尔
This is Orson
这位是奥森
and, of course, Arthur Goodboy.
而这当然就是亚瑟乖仔
Thanks for having us. We love love.
多谢你邀请我们 我们爱爱情
Dad, can you come over here a second?
爸 能过来私下聊两句吗
Hey, Stella.
斯黛拉 你好啊
So, listen, I don't think Haley
听着 我觉得海莉不会想
wants to come back to a house full of strangers and dogs.
回到有一屋子的陌生人和狗的家
Claire, I've got to have this,
克莱尔 我得抓住这个机会
and she's never gonna know they're even here.
而且她都不会感觉到他们在这的
Okay, that's bad timing.
好吧 这话说的时机不太好
Okay, okay, let's -- let's go, let's go, let's go.
动起来 动起来 大家都动起来
Let's go. Let's get it going.
动起来 来忙活起来
What's your hurry? I thought you...
你们着什么急 我以为你们...
guys love weddings.
两个喜欢婚礼呢
You were gonna say "You people," Weren't you?
你准备说"你们这种人"是不是
Prove it.
有证据吗
We have theater tickets,
我们拿着音乐剧的票
and if we get this wedding started,
如果现在婚礼开始的话
we can still make curtain for "Sophie's Choice."
我们还能赶上《苏菲的抉择》的开场
I would murder my entire family
为了看那个音乐剧
and all of their friends to see that musical.
我愿意干掉自己全家亲友
This guy gets it.
这人懂行
Look who's here!
看看这是谁呀
Don't worry. I'm wearing pants.
别担心 我穿裤子了
As far as you know.
至少你们看起来是的
Oh, well, hello, Frank.
你好啊 弗兰克
And thank you for...sort of making it.
谢谢你 差不多算出席了
- Really? - Well, you invited your dad.
-真要这样吗 -你邀请了你爸爸
- What was I supposed to do? ‭- I don't know.
-我还能不邀请我爸爸吗 -我不知道了
Hey! Is that Arthur Goodboy?
你好啊 这是亚瑟乖仔吗
Big fan!
我是超级粉丝
Been waiting to see him in his tux.
早就期待看它穿西装的样子了
Farrah.
法拉
- Phil. ‭- It is so delightful to see --
-菲尔 -很高兴见到...
Oh. Gosh.
天啊
Can you believe our babies are getting married?
你能相信我们的孩子要结婚了吗
I can.
我能
I saw it in a vision at a campfire in Peru.
我在秘鲁的一丛篝火里见到了这个景象
This is my father, Bert.
这是我的父亲 伯特
Oh, it's such an honor to --
很荣幸能...
Vodka!
伏特加
What a lovely dress.
好漂亮的裙子
It's actually a shamanic wedding robe
其实这是萨满教的婚礼礼服
from South America.
产自南美
I wear it at every ceremony I officiate.
我每次主持仪式都穿
Ohhh. This is awkward.
这就有点尴尬了
I'm doing the ceremony.
我要主持仪式
But this is something I've dreamed about all of my lives.
但这是我想了一辈子的事啊
Mom, what the hell is going on?
妈 这是什么情况
Oh, honey, honey, it's not as bad as it looks.
宝贝 其实没有看上去那么糟啦
See, it's still small and simple and --
你看 还是小规模 又简洁又...
Not helping.
别帮倒忙
What? We were gonna play her down the aisle.
怎么了 我们要在她步向祭坛时奏乐啊
Yeah. Bad luck to get married without bagpipes.
对 没有风笛伴奏的婚礼会遭受厄运
My mom's first wedding -- no bagpipes.
我妈的第一个婚礼 没有风笛
My mom's second wedding -- bagpipes.
我妈的第二个婚礼 有风笛
Six months later, she's still married.
六个月之后 还没离婚
I mean, that's just science.
我的意思是 这就是科学啊
Now what?
这又是什么
Oh, well, we needed food, so...
我们需要食物 所以
Hola, lovebirds.
你们好啊 小情侣
Oh, this is a disaster.
这真是场灾难
I know, but we can't pick our childhood homes.
我理解 不过我们也没法选择儿时的家
Don't worry. I can fix everything.
别担心 我能解决好一切的
Just take your time changing your clothes.
不要着急 慢慢去换你的衣服吧
Oh, this is what I'm wearing.
这就是我要穿的
You're hilarious.
你太搞笑了
Let me see the happy couple.
让我见见这对恩爱情侣
Congratulations, Haley.
恭喜你 海莉
Congratulations, Andy.
恭喜你 安迪
Sorry. ‭Honey, I know you're a little annoyed.
抱歉 宝贝 我知道你有点生气
Oh, I'm so sorry I gave you that impression.
真是不好意思我让你这么想了
I'm a lot annoyed.
我都快气死了
But it's better.
不过这样更好
This way, you'll be surrounded by people who love you.
这样的话 你就能被爱你的人所环绕
That's her.
就是她
Congratulations! I am so happy for you.
恭喜你 我真为你高兴
Luke?
卢克
Uh, this is Annabelle.
这是安娜贝尔
We just met on Tinder.
我们刚在交友软件上认识
But we haven't done anything yet.
不过我们还没来得及做什么
Guess what, babies.
你们猜怎么着 宝宝们
You're gonna taste some wine today!
今天你们能尝尝酒的滋味了
So, if we're gonna get this thing started,
既然婚礼快开始了
maybe you should go up and change, huh?
你是不是应该上楼换个衣服
Oh, for the last time, this is what I'm --
再说最后一次 这就是我
Screw it. I'm changing.
算了 我去换
- No, don't - No, don't change, if that's --
-不 不用 -不用换 如果那就是
- Damn it! What - Sorry. I'm sorry.
-真是的 -对不起 我错了
Gloria, Gloria.
歌洛莉亚
Do me a favor.
帮我个忙
Put some salami in my TV.
往我的电视机里放点腊肠
Whatever that is a code for, the answer is no.
不管这是什么的暗号 我都不答应
Okay, fine. I'll do it myself.
好吧 那我自己来
Keep Orson occupied for about a minute.
拖住奥森一小会儿
Arthur Goodboy, come.
亚瑟乖仔 过来
Arthur Goodboy, come.
亚瑟乖仔 过来
Mr. Orson.
奥森先生
Um, I need to know -- is your whole life your dog?
我想知道 你生活的一切都是你的狗狗吗
Oh, no. I also dabble in stand-up comedy.
不不 我对单人喜剧也有所涉猎
In fact, I used to try out all of my material on Arthur Goodboy
我以前会把自己的段子给亚瑟乖仔试讲一遍
until I got in trouble with PETA for animal testing.
直到后来善待动物组织指控我拿动物做试验
Speaking of, where is Arthur?
话说回来 亚瑟去哪了
I'm sure he's fine.
我相信它没事的
Arthur? Arthur?
亚瑟 亚瑟
He's in the family room, wolfing down some cold cuts.
它在活动室里 狼吞虎咽什么冷切肠
No, no, no. He can't digest that.
不不不 它消化不了那个
And that tuxedo is rented.
西装可是租来的还要还回去
No, please! Wait!
别 等一等
Aah! Stop!
住手
Stop? What, no!
住手 什么 不要
He's enjoying the bed. No, he loves it in there.
它很喜欢这个床 别啊 它喜欢在里面
Don't.
别说了
The robot told me everything.
那个机器人什么都跟我说了
- Oh, I'm sorry, but I thought once he got - Stop! Unh!
-对不起 但是我以为只要它 -别说了
I will stay for the wedding
我会待到婚礼结束
so as not to ruin Halsey and Derek's special day,
免得毁掉海尔西和德里克的大喜日子
but this partnership is off.
但是我们的合作没戏了
What am I doing?
我这是在做什么
Making a fool of yourself --
让自己丢人现眼
what you have done the whole day.
你一整天都在这样
Yeah. I'm acting like an idiot.
对 我表现得像个傻瓜
I mean, this was a stupid idea,
这个点子太蠢了
trying to launch a whole new business at my age.
在我这把年纪还想重新创业
I thought it would be fun,
我还以为会很有意思
but I should've known I-I need to hang it up.
我早就该知道的 我该金盆洗手了
I need a second.
我想静静
Dog beds are ridiculous and sad.
狗床确实很滑稽很悲哀
But they're important to Jay.
但是对杰来说很重要
So I guess that loving someone means that you have to respect
我想爱一个人就意味着你也需要尊重他们
their idiotic, nauseating dreams.
愚蠢又令人恶心的梦想
Hey, old-timer.
你好 老兄弟
I dig those wheels.
我喜欢你的轮椅
Why is this vacuum cleaner talking to me?!
为什么这个吸尘器在跟我说话
Okay, we are definitely cutting it close,
我们剩的时间不多了
but I think we're gonna make it.
不过我觉得我们能赶上的
You know, it's just that, uh, traditionally,
你知道吗 按传统的婚礼仪式
the father of the bride calls the shots at these things.
是新娘的爸爸对这些事情说了算
Oh, my goddess, Phil.
老天爷 菲尔
By all means, let's return to traditional weddings.
一定要这样的话 那我们彻底回到传统婚礼好了
Perhaps you'd like to discuss the matter of Haley's dowry.
或许你愿意讨论一下海莉的嫁妆
Are you prepared to offer livestock or land?
你们准备陪嫁牲畜还是土地呢
Farrah, I would defer to you
法拉 如果这是在你们的
if this were happening in your yurt.
圆顶帐篷里我会听你的
Fine.
好吧
We'll settle this over a game of acorns.
我们来掷橡子决定吧
Put out your hands.
伸出你的手来
Acorns, speak.
橡子 说话吧
Oh. Sorry, Phil.
对不起 菲尔
Best of 3.
三局两胜
What am I doing?
这是在干什么
Okay, both of you, stop!
好了 你们俩 停下来
You can both officiate, all right?
你们两个都主持 行吗
Yeah, but won't that take twice as long?
但是那不会花两倍的时间吗
Uh, whoever's officiating, if you can carve out some time
不管谁主持 能不能抽出点时间
for a poem I've written.
让我读一下我写的诗
It's sort of a "Beowulf" Meets "You've Got Mail."
这是《贝奥武夫》和《电子情书》的结合版
Oh, God, no! No poems! No!
天啊 求求不要读诗了 别啊
- Nobody wants a poem! - No one wants that!
-没人想听诗 -谁要听啊
- Come on! Let's move this thing along! - Get it going!
-快点吧 流程走下去 -继续下去
You need to give your "Sophie's Choice" ticket
你们得交出《苏菲的抉择》票
to the dog weirdo.
给那个养狗怪人
My dad wants to see a musical?
我爸居然想看音乐剧吗
No, the other dog weirdo.
不是 是另一个养狗怪人
Didn't you see how excited he got when he heard about it?
你们没看到他听到时有多兴奋吗
Yeah, well, that's not happening. No, thank you.
但这事绝对没门 您慢走
Think about all the sacrifices
想想这些年来
that your father has made for you.
你父亲为你做的牺牲啊
Oh, I just don't care.
但我真的不在意啊
You're not gonna make it anyways.
你们反正也来不及赶到
Y-Yes, we are, 'cause the wedding's about to start.
我们能赶到 婚礼马上就要开始了
- Here they come. - Is it?
-他们来啦 -是吗
Excuse me.
不好意思
Um, before we start this beautiful ceremony,
在我们开始这场美好的仪式之前
why don't we go around the room
在座各位何不轮流一下
and talk about what this wedding means to us?
聊聊这场婚礼对你们代表的意义
Yeah, I don't think anybody wants to be put on the spot.
我想应该没人想被拱上台做出发言吧
Let's just get on with the wedding.
就继续把婚礼流程走完吧
To me, a marriage is not just the joining of two hearts.
对我来说 婚姻不只是两个人心的联结
It's the melding of families.
还是两个家庭合而为一
And can I just say this --
请听我说这句
- No! Sit down! - No! Sit down!
-不听 坐下 -不听 坐下
Go on, go on. There you go.
去吧 去吧 这就对啦
Are those... packing peanuts?
撒的是 泡沫塑料吗
I had 10 minutes and no budget.
我只有十分钟准备 还没经费
- This is happening. - Yep.
-真的要发生了呢 -是啊
What's this dog doing to Stella?
这只狗在对斯黛拉做什么啊
Bad dog! No humping!
坏狗狗 不许日
Don't shame him! That's her fault.
不许羞辱他 这是她的错
She's wagging her hips in his face!
她自己在他脸上扭屁股
That's her dysplasia.
那是她腰不好
And it's 2019.
而且都2019年了
What he did is not okay!
他怎么可以强抢民女呢
Uh-oh. Am I moving?
糟糕 我是不是在动啊
Something's stuck!
好像有东西卡住了
- Phil, I'm falling! - See, this -- this --
-菲尔 我跌倒了 -看 就是这样
this is why I didn't want anyone here!
这就是为什么我不想请人来
This is why I wanted to elope!
这就是为什么我想私奔
Haley, I know you're upset, but this is your family.
海莉 我知道你不高兴 但他们是你的家人啊
Who are you?!
你谁啊
Okay, enough! Enough.
好 够了 够了
Dylan, Haley, in the kitchen -- now!
迪兰 海莉 现在都到厨房来
Nice shoes!
鞋真好看
I am, uh, so sorry, folks.
很抱歉 各位
This is -- This is gonna take a little while.
可能 可能需要大家等一小段时间
Maybe Alex and Bill can play something.
或许艾丽克斯和比尔可以给大家奏点音乐
- No! - No!
-不要 -别了
- We're not gonna make it, are we? ‭- Okay, no.
-我们是赶不上了对吧 -好吧 不行
We're not gonna make it! ‭It -- It doesn't look like it.
我们估计来不及 感觉就没戏了
Hey, um...
不好意思
Hi. My dad wanted you to have these tickets.
我爸爸希望你能收下这些票
Great Danes! Thank you!
我勒个大丹犬 太谢谢你们了
Not so fast. You still have something to do.
别着急 你还有一件事情没做呢
Listen. Listen to me.
听 听我说
I don't want to hear it, Mom.
妈 我不想听
Run.
跑吧
- What?! ‭- Yeah.
-什么 -是的
We're really sorry that this all got away from us.
很抱歉事情没按我们料想中的发展
But all we care about is that you're happy.
但我们真正在乎的是你开心
And you should have the wedding you want.
而你应该拥有你想要的婚礼
Your mom's right.
你妈妈说得对
We eloped, and I still think of it
我们也私定终身过 现在想起来
as one of the best days of my life.
还觉得那是我人生中最美好的一段时光之一
It still seems like the last day we were alone.
到现在还感觉那是我们俩最后独处的日子
That's...
这...
Oh, honey.
小宝贝
The four of you better get going, huh?
你们四个人快上路吧
Yeah.
是啊
Ohh, my babies.
我的宝贝们啊
I love you, guys.
爱你们
Bye. Bye.
再见 再见啦
You okay?
你还好吗
Not really, no.
其实不好
I hate that we're not gonna be there.
我好难过自己不能在场陪伴
I always assumed we would be at her wedding.
我一直觉得她结婚时我一定会在场
Is that selfish?
这样是不是很自私啊
No.
当然不
It's only fair.
这样才公平啊
She was at ours.
她也参加了我们的婚礼
Mm. She was.
是啊
Look at this.
快看
He posted one minute ago. It's already got 5,000 likes.
他在一分钟前发了文 已经有五千赞了
Thank you.
谢谢你
I love you.
我爱你嘛
And the only thing less sexy than a dog bed is a quitter,
而比狗床还不性感的 就是半途而废了
and I didn't marry a quitter.
我可不想嫁给半途而废的人
I married an angel.
我娶了个天使
Yes, you did!
是的
Could I have everyone's attention? Um...
能请大家注意听我说一下吗
I just want to say that most of you
我想说在场的大多数人
are very important to us.
都对我们十分重要
But the wedding's off, and thanks for coming.
但婚礼取消了 感谢你们的到来
- What?! - You got to be kidding me!
-什么 -你耍我们啊
This is an outrage. I will never forgive you.
我真的服了 我们这是血海深仇
Perhaps the two of you would like to sing a song?
你们俩有兴趣给在场各位唱个歌吗
♪ Choices, impossible ♪
♪ 抉择 困难 ♪
- ♪ Choices ♪ - ♪ Choices, impossible ♪
-♪ 抉择 ♪ -♪ 抉择 困难 ♪
- ♪ Choices ♪ - ♪ Why are there so many ♪
-♪ 抉择 ♪ -♪ 为什么有那么多 ♪
♪ Voices ♪
♪ 声音 ♪
♪ Choices and voices and voices ♪
♪ 抉择与声音与声音 ♪
Mom? Dad?
老妈 老爸
Oh, honey.
亲爱的
Hey. How did it go?
你回来啦 怎么样了
Uh, we...didn't go through with it.
我们最后没结婚
What?
什么
We were at this 24-hour chapel,
我们当时在24小时证婚教堂
and they called our names, but...
终于叫到我们了 但...
something about it just didn't feel right.
但就是有哪里感觉怪怪的
Sweetheart, it's okay.
亲爱的 没关系
You'll know when it's the right time.
时候到了你自己会知道的
That's why I'm here.
所以我来了这里
I thought about what you said
我想了想你们说过的话
about how I should have the wedding that I want.
就是我应该拥有自己想要的婚礼
Well, the wedding that I want has you guys there.
我想要的婚礼是你们在场的那种
And, like the nuptial antler,
就像婚礼鹿角一样
your bond will never be broken.
你们的婚姻将坚固无比
Take us home, Phil.
你来收尾吧 菲尔
And so,
所以
by the powers vested in me by NoPainOrdain.Com,
我以无痛征婚网所赋予我的权力
I pronounce you, Dylan...
我宣布你 迪兰
and you, Haley...
与你 海莉
husband...
正式成为
...and wife.
夫妻
Hey! Kiss her already!
快亲新娘啊
Oh, my God.
天啊
You want to talk to me.
你想跟我谈事情吗
Yeah. Um... it's been bothering me the last few days.
是啊 有件事这几天一直让我烦心
Since they were gonna elope, Dylan never came to me
就是他们本来想终身 迪兰没有先来
and ask for Haley's hand in marriage.
求我同意让他娶我女儿
Yeah.
是啊
Well, then it occur to me that
然后我想到了
since Claire and I eloped
我跟克莱尔也私定终身了
I never offically asked you for her hand in marriage.
我当年也没有正式去请求让我娶你女儿
- So ah... - So ask me.
-所以呢... -那你问我啊
Okay.
Jay,
I love your daughter very much.
我非常爱你女儿
And I would like your...
我想请求你...
Nop.
不行
That's very funny.
很会搞笑
But seriously, I would very much like your blessing.
但说真的 我很希望有你的同意与祝福
Sorry, I've got several conserns. I'm not onboard.
抱歉 但我心里有些疑虑 我不同意
You realise this is just a formality.
你知道这只是走个过场吧
We've been married for more almost 25 years.
我和她都结婚要25年了
And the entire time without my blessing.
这无数年间都没有我的祝福
Ok, how many dog beds is this gonna cost me?
这件事需要我买多少张狗床才能摆平
- Five. - Three.
-5张 -3张
- Four. - Done.
-4张 -成交
Blessed.
已祝福