摩登家庭 第十季 Modern Family Season 10 第21集: Commencement

上映日期: 2,018

语言: 英语

影片类型: 喜剧 / 家庭

导演: 盖尔·曼库索 / 斯蒂文·莱维坦

演员: 艾德·奥尼尔 / 索菲娅·维加拉 / 朱丽·鲍温 / 泰·布利尔 / 杰西·泰勒·弗格森 / 艾瑞克·斯通斯崔特 / 萨拉·海蓝德 / 阿芮尔·温特 / 诺兰·古德 / 里克·罗德里格兹 / 奥布里·


台词
‭Oh, boy.
要命
Is it already the first day of livestock auction season again?
又到了牲口拍卖季的第一天了吗
It's the same day every year, Mitchell --
每年都是同一天啊 米奇尔
a fortnight after the first ripe tomato comes in.
第一颗番茄成熟后的第十五天
And seriously?
而且说真的
This is what passes for auction-calling these days?
现在的拍卖叫价都这么业余了吗
Is it possible you're being a tad harsh?
你会不会太严苛了一点
You know, when you've been at the top of your field --
当你曾经是某个领域的顶尖人物
Greater Bug County Auction-Calling Champ
大巴格县拍卖叫价冠军
three years running --
还连续赢了三年
it's hard to see anything but the inadequacies.
那你眼里就只能看到缺点和不足
It's why Baryshnikov couldn't watch others dance.
所以巴瑞辛尼科夫才没法观看其他舞蹈
芭蕾舞界传奇巨星
What? He was the Artistic Director of --
什么 他明明担任过艺术总监...
How long have you lived in this house?!
你都在这房子里住了多久了
It's gonna wind up being some pig named Baryshnikov
最后你会发现是一头叫巴瑞辛尼科夫的猪
or some damn thing.
或叫其他鬼名字的
So, how was your trumpet lesson?
你的小号课上得怎么样了
It was amazing. Yeah.
太美妙了
Oh, these sessions just have really changed my life.
那些课程[疗程]真的改变了我的人生
Technically, uh, not a lie.
严格来说 我没说谎
Uh, I started taking trumpet lessons two years ago.
我从两年前开始上小号课
But then I noticed the place next door
但之后我发现隔壁店的按摩
was offering massages for the same price, so...
跟课程同样价格 于是...
you know.
你懂的
And I felt bad relaxing while Cam was...
我很内疚 自己去放松 而小卡...
solo-parenting Lily.
一个人照顾莉莉
But -- But we were both spending time
但话说回来 我俩都是跟一个
with an Asian woman who walked all over us.
亚洲女性共处 让她踩背[羞辱]
You always smell like lavender
你每次从那里回来
when you come back from that place.
身上都有薰衣草的味道
Uh, yeah, it's the -- it's the valve oil
那个是 是阀键油
for the, um -- you know,
上在...你知道
the t-- the tooting buttons. ‭
就是上在... 小号的按键里
We should probably, uh, hit the road soon.
我们该尽快出发了
High school graduation's in an hour. ‭
一小时后就要举行高中毕业典礼了
It's so humiliating
好丢脸啊
being the Vice Principal at these things.
以副校长身份出席这种活动
It's just a ceremonial position
这只是象征性的地位
where you have to sit behind Principal Brown,
其实我只是坐在布朗校长身后
politely clapping
礼貌地鼓掌
while he gets to set the course of history.
眼看他设定历史的进程
Well, it could be fun with my dad giving
不过我爸要在毕业典礼上致辞
the commencement address, though.
应该会很有意思
I got a peek at his note cards,
我偷瞄了他的备忘卡
and I don't want to give anything away,
我不想剧透里面的内容
but the young kid who boarded the bus
但是那个头上涂满发蜡
with the hair full of Brylcreem
手提着纸板行李箱
and a cardboard suitcase full of dreams --
怀揣着梦想登上大巴的年轻孩子
it was him.
是他
Oh, I have to take this. It's Superintendent Pierce.
我得接一下电话 是地方教育局长皮尔斯
Hello, good sir. To what do I owe this honor?
您好 先生 真荣幸 请问有什么事
Oh, no.
不会吧
That's horrible.
太可怕了
Principal Brown got into a car accident!
布朗校长出车祸啦
W-Which means, as next in the line of succession,
也就是说 作为第二顺位的校领导
I get to preside over today's graduation.
我可以主持今天的毕业典礼
You know, this is why senior administration officials
这就是为什么高级行政官员
never travel together.
从来不一起出行
Your glee at another man's misfortune should trouble me,
别人倒霉你却幸灾乐祸 我本该觉得不好
but there's also something sort of sexy about it.
但你这副样子又有点性感
Well, power is an aphrodisiac. ‭
权力就是春药
Maybe later you could be the principal
或许晚点你可以扮演校长
and I could be the student who's a few credits short.
而我扮演还差了几个学分的学生
Hmm. ‭A bad, bad boy
我不乖
who needs to be taught right from wrong.
需要被好好调教
'Cause I grew up in a broken home,
因为我成长于一个破碎家庭
where social workers and constant fights about money
社工常来我家 父母总为钱争吵
were just --
所以...
Okay, well, now I'm just sad.
算了 这编到我开始感觉难受了
家 庭
摩 登
第十季 第二十一集
Can we switch seats?
我们能换位子吗
I'm right under a vent.
我刚好坐在通风口下面
This is not good for my instrument.
这对我的喉咙不好
Oh, so nice that you're taking this speech so seriously.
你这么认真对待这次致辞 真好啊
When you did Mitch and Cam's wedding toast,
你当年为米奇和小卡的婚礼祝酒时
you had your mouth full of cashews.
嘴里还塞满了腰果呢
Hey, pay attention to your brother.
注意看你弟弟啊
You got him into karate.
是你让他开始练空手道的
Not on purpose.
我不是故意的
I just showed him a few "Pink Panther" movies.
我只是给他看了几部《粉红豹》的卡通电影
Joe?
Joe?
I-I-I don't want to play
我不想再玩
《粉红豹》系列电影中的角色
this Inspector Clouseau and Cato game anymore.
妙探长克鲁索和卡托的游戏了
It's not that I'm scared.
我可不是害怕哦
It's just, I-I'm a little busy --
我只是 有点忙
He's a little psycho.
他就是个小变态[《惊魂记》]
Which we must never show him, by the way.
对了 千万别给他看这部电影
And sorry if I'm distracted.
如果我看起来心神不宁 抱歉
It's cut day at CalArts.
今天是加州艺术学院的裁生日
Half of the class isn't being asked back.
我有一半同学都没被叫回去继续读
Manny, my mother's intuition
曼尼 母亲的直觉告诉我
tells me that you have nothing to worry about.
你没什么好担心的
It's just so cruel.
真的太残酷了
I'm halfway to a playwriting degree
我还有一半课程就能拿到剧本创作学位
and a minor in mask-making
和面具制作辅修证书
and they're just gonna throw me out on the street
难道他们要就这样把我赶去街头吗
with no way to support myself?
我都没法养活自己
As a wise man will say in about two hours --
正如一个睿智的男人在两小时后要说的那样
"Be grateful for the rocks life rolls in your path,
"生活把石头滚到你的道路前 你要心怀感激
for one day, you'll see them as stepping stones."
因为有一天 你会视它们为垫脚石"
I had that in my "maybe" pile.
这句是从"可能要用"那堆里拿来的
Trust yourself, Jay.
相信自己啊 杰
Oh, God. It's an e-mail from school.
老天 是学校发来的邮件
I don't think I can read this in front of people.
我可没法在众人面前看这邮件
Let's go, Joe!
加油 乔
I did it!
我成功了
I did it! Yes!
我成功了 好棒
Did my mom bribe Sensei Ron?
我妈是不是收买了罗恩老师
I knew you could do it, Joe!
我就知道你能做到 乔
My mother's intuition told me
母亲的直觉告诉我
that you had nothing to worry about.
你没什么好担心的
And if she bribed Sensei Ron, who else did she bribe?
如果她收买了罗恩老师 那她还收买了谁呢
Did I even deserve this?
这个奖杯也是我应得的吗
Do you remember when grocery shopping was boring?
你还记得逛超市很无聊的时候吗
I really don't.
不记得
As a parent, you don't get
身为家长 很少有机会获得
a lot of good, clean, guilt-free victories.
美妙 磊落 没愧疚感的胜利
That's why it's hard not to feel
所以我们今天
pretty damn good about ourselves today.
很难不感到自信满满
Because this afternoon,
因为今天下午
we are going to watch our daughter Alex graduate...
我们要看咱家女儿艾丽克斯毕业
With honors!
是以优异成绩哦
...from the world-renowned Caltech.
从世界知名的加州理工大学
♪ When the Caltech Beavers face you at sports ♪
♪ 当你对阵加州理工海狸队时 ♪
♪ Prepare to relinquish the ba-a-all ♪
♪ 准备好让出手里的球吧 ♪
Their best minds weren't focused on the fight song.
他们虽然聪明 但没把心思放在写队歌上
Yeah.
没错
I just can't stop smiling
我没办法停止微笑
at this picture of Alex in her cap and gown.
一看到艾丽克斯这张穿戴着方帽和长袍的照片
It's so surreal that one of our kids
真是不敢相信 我跟你的孩子
could do something so amazing.
居然能获得如此高的成就
I love you both.
我也爱你们两个哦
So, you two, grab champagne and flowers for Alex.
你们俩去拿香槟和鲜花送给艾丽克斯
We'll, uh -- We'll get some cigars to give to Jay.
我们...我们去拿雪茄送给杰
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
天啊
It's Skip Woosnam. Have you seen him since he fired you?
是斯基普·伍斯南 他炒掉你之后你见过他吗
Once, at a listing.
见过一次 在卖房会上
I tried to pretend I was a 3D cutout of myself
我试图假扮成我自己的3D纸板
to avoid talking to him.
避免跟他说话
But you know what? Today I want to talk to him.
不过今天我倒想跟他聊聊
I think I'll let ol' Skip know
我想我要告诉老斯基普
I have a daughter graduating from Caltech.
我女儿要从加州理工毕业了
No, honey, we are not the kind of parents
不 亲爱的 我们不是那种
who make ourselves look good by bragging about our kids.
靠炫耀孩子来给自己长脸的家长
Then why did we even have them, Claire?
那我们为什么要生孩子 克莱尔
‭Are we really not gonna crow about it
我们连自鸣得意一下都不行吗
when one of our kids finally does something we can be proud of?
我们终于有个孩子做了能让我们骄傲的事
I love you both very much.
我好爱你们两个
I'm comfortable being the hot one.
我不介意做帅气性感的那个孩子
Another record month?
这个月又创纪录了
Well, thank you!
谢谢
You're the greatest butler on Earth.
你是世界上最优秀的管家
I gotta run.
我得挂了
- Phil? - ‭Skip!
-菲尔 -斯基普
You son of a gun. How the hell are you?
你这家伙 最近好吗
Great, great. Business is better than ever.
很好 很好 生意比以往更红火
How about you?
你怎么样
Did you, uh, finally get real cutouts?
你现在买真的人形立牌了吗
I don't know what you're talking about.
我不知道你在说什么
Mine are so realistic and 3D,
我的立牌都是3D高仿真的
you must have been laughing at one of them like an idiot.
你肯定像白痴一样对着它笑来着
How crazy is it we ran into each other shopping, huh?
我们购物时撞见彼此真是太巧了
Say, how are your kids?
对了 你的孩子们还好吗
Terrific. Yeah.
都特别好
June just, uh, took a job at the Container Store.
琼刚找到份康泰纳连锁店的工作
Impressive. I have a kid
真厉害 我也有个孩子
that's interested in space, as well. Yeah.
对太空特别感兴趣
Considering a job at, uh -- at NASA, actually.
其实她在考虑去太空总署工作
Yeah, he, uh, looks like he's got the right stuff.
是啊 他看起来很有这方面天赋
No, I -- it's -- I was talking about my daughter.
不 我说的是我女儿
Oh. ‭Hey, Dad. Dad, guess what.
爸 你猜怎么着
The twins started kicking the second I picked up booze.
我一拿起酒瓶双胞胎就开始乱踢
‭They're my kids, right?
绝对是我的孩子 对吧
My other daughter.
我的另一个女儿
Okay, I'm doing a little thing about
那好 我的演讲里
following your dreams in mine.
会稍微说说追随梦想
Do you have anything like that in yours?
你的演讲里有吗
I say "Follow your passions."
我的是"追随热情"
Okay, yeah. That's different enough.
好的 不算重复
‭Okay.
好吧
Something fishy's going on over here.
那边有点可疑
I'm gonna go shake some trees, see what falls.
我去旁敲侧击一下 看看能查出什么
Looking lovely today, Vice Principal Tucker.
你今天真精神 副校长塔克
Cut the choirboy act, Pitkowski.
别装纯良少年了 平托斯基
Oh, you don't like the way I'm talking to you?
你不喜欢我用这种方式对你说话吗
Well, who are you gonna complain to?
你能跟谁投诉去
No one!
没人
Because I'm the acting principal,
因为我是代理校长
clothed in immense power!
执掌无上大权
Wait, what is -- Nope!
等等 这是什么 休想
I bend faster.
我弯腰速度更快
"Jay Pritchett, Owl Killer"?!
"杰·普里契特 猫头鹰杀手"
What the hell is this?
这是什么鬼东西
The year was 1972.
那是1972年
I landed a whale --
我接到了超级大单
every closet on a Carnival Cruise ship.
一艘嘉年华游轮上的所有衣柜
To make the numbers work,
为了预算和工期合得上
I needed a lot of cedar fast and cheap.
我需要快速搞到一大批廉价雪松木
I ended up cutting down a forest
结果我砍伐的一片森林
that happened to be the last habitat of the Golden Speckled Owl.
刚好是金斑猫头鹰最后的栖息地
You know, nobody talks about all the mice I saved.
怎么没人提我这一举救下了多少老鼠
Nope!
没人提
Just the owls.
只提猫头鹰
Are you all planning some sort of protest?
你们在计划抗议吗
Well, that ain't happening on my watch.
在我的监管下 休想
Now go take your seats!
快去坐好
"Owl Hitler"?!
"猫头鹰希特勒"
What the hell is this picture? I never strangled an owl!
这照片是怎么回事 我从没勒死过猫头鹰
Is it too much for Dylan to let me know where he is?
让迪兰告诉我他人在哪很过分吗
My water could literally break any minute.
我的羊水随时会破
Am I okay sitting here,
我坐在这没问题吧
or am I in a SeaWorld splash zone situation?
还是说像海洋世界前排一样会被溅湿
Claire, your old high school nemesis Ashley Walls,
克莱尔 你高中时的死敌艾希莉·沃尔斯
did she have a daughter?
她不是有个女儿吗
Uh, I don't think so. Why?
我记得没有 怎么了
Well, that woman over there
那边那个女人
looks just like Ashley, but it can't be.
看起来很像艾希莉 但不太可能
She looks half your... beauty.
她看起来只有你一半 美貌
Ashley Walls.
艾希莉·沃尔斯
She outdid me at everything.
她在每件事上都胜过我
Homecoming Queen, Field Hockey Captain,
返校节女王 曲棍球队长
and the summer before we went away to college,
我们上大学前的那个夏天
she beat me out for an internship at Pritchett's closets.
她竟打败我成为了普里契特衣柜的实习生
Claire?
克莱尔
I...want to say...
让我想想
Ashley?
艾希莉
- Yes! ‭ how are you? - Good.
-是我 你好吗 -很好
Ashley Walls-Carnegie.
艾希莉·沃尔斯-卡内基
Phillip Humphrey Dunphy.
菲利普·汉弗莱·邓菲
So, what have you been up to, Ashley?
你最近在忙什么 艾希莉
Uh, well, I'm a personal injury lawyer.
我是人身伤害律师
I have a buddy that makes bank from that.
我有个兄弟靠这个赚了好多钱
‭He's not a lawyer.
他不是律师
He just tries to get nice cars to hit him.
他专门挑豪车碰瓷
Yeah, he's just kidding.
他只是在开玩笑
No, I'm not, Mom.
我没开玩笑 妈
- In fact, I've ac-- - Here, have a candy.
-事实上 我 -给 吃块糖
That was rude.
真无礼
I just ran into my old health teacher,
我刚刚遇到了以前的健康教育老师
and she said she always expected
她说她一直都觉得
to see me pregnant at graduation.
我会挺着大肚子参加毕业典礼
Congratulations.
恭喜
Oh, thanks. Twins.
谢谢 是双胞胎
Sorry, I'd be a lot happier about it
抱歉 要是知道他们老爸现在在哪
if I could track their father down.
我会开心得多
Candy.
吃糖
Oh, look -- it's your brother, Mitch.
看 是你弟弟米奇
Now, he was always a little uptight, wasn't he?
他总是一板一眼的 对不对
Well, he was in high school, but now he's just the most --
高中时是的 但现在他特别好...
Okay, you have one job today, young lady,
听好 你今天只有一个任务 小姑娘
okay, to be supportive.
支持你大爸
If your dad makes a joke, you will laugh.
假如他说了笑话 你就要笑
If he makes a speech, you will what? Applaud.
他演讲后你怎么做 鼓掌
Right. I-I-I'm gonna go find my seat.
好吧 我得去找我的座位了
But it was great catching up with you, Claire.
但和你叙旧真开心 克莱尔
No one would blame you if you mentioned you had a daughter
提一嘴我们女儿今天要从加州理工毕业
graduating from Caltech today.
谁也不会责怪你的
Honey, the moment has passed.
亲爱的 错过时机了
I'd need a pretty good reason to just go waltzing over there --
我得有个好理由才能不经意地过去
- She dropped her program! - Yes! ‭
-她的流程单掉了 -太好了
Hey, Claire, you know how you're my go-to gal --
克莱尔 你知道我有事会第一个找你商量
- Busy. ‭- Hey, Phil.
-我很忙 -菲尔
You know how you're my go-to guy on stuff?
你知道我有事会第一个找你商量
I suppose against all odds, we've become best friends.
看来我们战胜所有不可能成为了挚友
Sure.
是啊
So, apparently, some of the students are angry
很明显 由我来做毕业演讲
that I'm giving the commencement address.
让一些学生很生气
Why?
为什么
‭Who knows why their sick minds do anything?
谁知道他们扭曲的脑子是怎么想的
Gotta say though, it feels good to be hating hippies again.
不过我得说 能再次憎恨嬉皮士感觉很好
Anyway, would you mind giving this place a sweep?
总之 你能不能帮我巡视一下这地方
See if you notice something suspicious.
看看有没有什么可疑的
Consider it done.
这就办好
Hey. What do you got there?
你们把什么藏起来了
You kids got something under those robes you want to show me?
让我看看你们的袍子下藏着什么
Manny, you passed the cuts,
曼尼 你没被裁掉
so why aren't you in a better mood?
为什么心情还这么不好
You bribed my dean to get me past the cut, didn't you?
你贿赂了我的院长让我通过的 是不是
I would never do something like that.
我永远不会做那种事
Oh, bravo!
真厉害
If Lisa Wagner pulled out that performance,
假如丽莎·瓦格纳有你演技这么好
maybe she wouldn't be driving back to her parents' house
也许她就不会带着装满手工木偶的卡车
with a trunk full of handmade puppets
和突然迷茫的未来
and a suddenly very uncertain future.
开车回到父母家了
I didn't bribe anyone.
我才没有贿赂谁
I don't know why you're talking such crazy things.
我也不知道你怎么会问这种问题
Because I saw you bribe Sensei Ron.
因为我看见你贿赂罗恩老师了
Wait.
等等
You bribed Sensei Ron?!
你贿赂罗恩老师了
So this is just a lie?!
所以这一切都是个谎言
Are there others?
还有别的谁吗
Who the hell even am I?!
我到底算什么人啊
Oh, my God!
我的天
Nice try, kemosabes.
想跑可没门 小朋友
Ash. I think you left your program.
艾希 你节目单掉了
Thank you.
谢谢
Wow, it's wild to think
想想这些孩子最后
where all these kids are gonna end up, right?
光明的前途 真是感慨万千啊 是吧
I mean, there's so many great schools.
我说 有那么多好学校
In fact, our --
其实 我们的
Is something wrong?
你还好吗
Our daughter joined ISIS.
我们女儿加入恐怖组织了
The government said she's not an American anymore.
美国政府不承认她的公民身份了
There's a van always parked in front of our house.
现在我们家门前总是停着一辆货车
Oh, God. I'm so sorry --
天啊 我很难过
Did Claire tell you our daughter's a genius?
克莱尔有没有说我们的女儿是个天才呀
...and so, graduates, look to your left
那么接下来 毕业生们 看看你们的左边
and to your right.
再看看右边
It's a simple key chain with a tiny cowboy hat charm on it.
我丢了个小牛仔帽装饰的简洁大方的钥匙链
If you see it, please pass it forward.
谁捡到了 请传上来
All right, and now on to our commencement speaker.
好了 现在有请我们的毕业演讲嘉宾
He is a pillar of the community,
他是社会的栋梁
an entrepreneur and closeteer -- Mr. Jay Pritchett.
企业家 行业巨头 杰·普里契特先生
Commencement.
毕业典礼
"C" for "Courage,"
"C"代表着"勇气"
"O" for "Opportunity,"
"O"代表着"机遇"
the first "M" --
第一个"M"
Disaster had struck.
灾难来临了
But did I panic?
但是我慌了吗
No.
没有
No one chooses to be a wartime principal.
没人主动选择成为战时的校长
But we're the ones history remembers.
但我们终将被历史所铭记
Pick one, they all said --
二选其一 他们都说
closets or blinds.
壁橱还是百叶窗
Mitchell, he's tanking my graduation.
米奇尔 这要毁了毕业典礼的
I'm cutting him off and moving right to the in-memoriam section.
我打算跳过他 直接进入怀念校友环节
Well, that would be less depressing.
那听起来真是令人"愉快"啊
Yeah, the problem is, the band just walked out in solidarity.
是是 问题是乐队的人刚刚走得一个不剩了
- Here. - ‭W-What?
-给你 -干什么
Mitchell, you can't have an in memoriam without music.
米奇尔 纪念仪式不能没有音乐
That's just a bummer.
那太扫兴了
Take it!
拿着
Hoot all you want, but that Brylcreem kid was me!
你们爱怎么咕咕叫怎么叫 反正我最后成功了
Yes, hi, thank you.
是的 谢谢你
Thank you, Jay Pritchett, everyone!
谢谢你 杰·普里契特 大家鼓掌
Wow, I don't know about you, but I feel like
我不知道你们什么感觉 不过我觉得
getting out there and taking on the world, huh?
自己视野大开 要走向世界了啊
And now, let's remember
现在 让我们铭记
those Dolphins we lost this year.
今年我们失去的那些友人
Mitchell, play something. Play anything.
米奇尔 快吹起来 什么都行
Something with the most gravitas.
吹点特别庄重特别深沉的
You know, for a person who last touched a trumpet two years ago,
你知道吗 我这么一个两年没碰过小号的人
I think I sounded pretty good.
吹得还挺好的
I'm done. I'm done.
吹完了 吹完了
All right!
好了
That is a lot of deceased for one year.
这一年逝去的人真是多啊
We should probably have the police check into that.
我们可能要报给警察调查一下了
And now, before, uh, passing out diplomas,
现在 在授予学位证书之前
I would like to make sort of a --
我想为毕业班的同学
a personal gesture to this graduating class.
致以一些个人的表示
As these balloons fill the sky, know that each one of them
当气球飞向天空 你们会发现每一个
represents a student who has personally inspired me
都代表着一个亲身鼓舞了我
and filled me with hope for a better tomorrow.
让我对未来充满美好希望的学生
What?
什么情况
Acting Principal!
代理校长
Protesters hacked into our sprinkler system.
抗议者们黑进了我们的洒水系统
It's set to go off in five minutes.
五分钟之后就要启动了
We have to postpone the graduation.
我们得推迟毕业典礼
And miss my chance of becoming principal?
然后错过我成为校长的机会吗
Not a chance!
没门
Well, no one can read 400 names in five minutes.
但是没人能在五分钟之内念完四百个名字
Oh, really?
是吗
All that training, all those parties missed,
所有训练 所有错过的派对
all those auctions attended
所有那些参加过的拍卖会
were for this moment right here, right now.
都是为了此时此刻
Students, hi! When you hear your name,
同学们 你们好 当你们听到你们名字的时候
please proceed to the stage and grab your diploma.
请走上台来 拿走你们的学位证书
Nelly Abrishami, Allison Acosta,
奈莉·阿布瑞莎米 艾莉森·阿科斯塔
Frieda Alafary, Scott "The Skunk" Albanese,
弗里达·阿拉法利 斯科特·"讨厌鬼"·阿尔巴内塞
Jessica Alenick, Richard Thompson Allen,
杰西卡·埃伦尼克 理查德·汤普森·艾伦
Lavaria Aminu, Larry Annecone,
拉瓦利亚·阿米努 拉里·阿纳科恩
Darla Arleto, Daniel Dey Aronson...
达拉·阿尔勒特 丹尼尔·戴伊·阿伦森
I was gonna make it!
我本来可以念完的
And then...
然后
I hit the Polish names.
我遇到了波兰名字
Czeslaw Wlodaryzack-ck-kowsky.
切斯沃夫·沃拉德瑞扎克科沃斯基
Wladyslaw Wlod...
沃洛迪斯劳·沃劳德
nisky? Yeah.
尼斯基 对
Myra Zarinsky --
迈拉·扎林斯基
OK, all right, all right
好了 快撤快撤
Okay, if we steer clear of Dad and Cam, we've got a chance
如果我们离爸爸和小卡远一点 可能还有机会
of blending into the mob when they turn violent.
在这堆暴民动武的时候混进他们人群不被打
What the hell is this?
这是什么情况
Okay, well, apparently, when those owls
是这样的 显然 为猫头鹰抗议的人
hacked into the sprinkler system, it was school-wide.
黑进洒水系统 是影响全校区的
They're not letting anyone into the parking structure.
他们不让任何人进停车场
Oh, no!
不是吧
I hope this doesn't mean we're gonna have to miss
我希望这不会让我们错过
the second graduation of the day.
今天的第二个毕业典礼
How lucky is that?
运气真好
Me cruising by with an Uber fare right when you called.
我正拉着优步订单 你们就打过电话来了
- So lucky. Very lucky. - Very good.
-幸运幸运 -真好
Well, this is you, Gerald.
你到了 杰拉尔德
Let's have today be the day
希望今天开始你能
you stop playing for your dad
不再是为了你父亲演奏
and start playing for Gerald.
而是为自己演奏
That -- That kind of reminds me --
话说 这提醒了我
I'm sorry I lied about the trumpet lessons.
对不起 我骗你说自己上了小号课
Oh, please. Not the worst part of my day.
没事 这才不是我今天最倒霉的部分
I'm realizing now that Principal Brown set me up to fail.
我现在想明白了布朗校长是故意坑我让我失败
There was no car crash,
根本没有什么车祸
just like there was no moon landing.
跟登月一样都是骗人的
- Cam - ‭Flags can't wave in space, Mitchell.
-小卡 -太空里旗帜是不会飘扬的 米奇尔
Hey, hey, hey, I was humiliated much worse than you.
好了好了 我被羞辱得比你们都过分
It was so unfair.
太不公平了
A lifetime of service out the window.
兢兢业业一辈子最后无人赞誉
You think I don't see the faces of owls
你们以为我每晚闭上眼睛
every night I close my eyes?
不会看到那些猫头鹰的脸吗
At least you've accomplished something they can tear down.
至少你有大家心服口服的成就
I'm a fraud!
我是个骗子
You see what you did to your brother?
你看到你对你弟弟做了什么吗
Look at those sad, hurt eyes.
看那难过又受伤的大眼睛
Like a sad little owl.
就像难过的小猫头鹰
Well, maybe if you believed in your sons
也许要是你相信自己的儿子
instead of giving everyone Colombian handshakes.
而不是跟每个人都来哥伦比亚式握手
What?!
什么
I've never sanded down a man's fingers
我可从来没有当着哪个男人家室的面
in front of his family!
跟他亲密握手
Oh, you mean the bribes?
你是说贿赂的事啊
You can't deny it anymore.
你没法否认了
Look at this photo on my dean's Instagram.
看我们院长发出来的照片
He's wearing the same watch you gave Sensei Ron.
他戴着的表跟你给罗恩老师的一模一样
The superintendent was wearing that same watch.
地区教育局长也戴着一样的表
I-I noticed it when he shook my hand at the end of the ceremony
典礼结束后他跟我握手
and said I was a "Horrifying disgrace."
他说我"滑天下之大稽"时 我有注意到
You bribed him?!
你贿赂他了吗
Is that how I got my speech?
是因为这样我才有资格演说的吗
Okay, enough!
好了 够了
I'm sure you would have gotten all these things on your own,
我相信你们凭自己也能做到
but the world sometimes is very unfair!
但世界有时就是那么不公平
And the watches are like an insurance.
那些手表只是以防万一啦
Why do you even have so many?
你为什么会有那么多啊
Sometimes I do a little bit of Ambien shopping
有时候我吃安眠药后会梦游网购
and I buy too much of one thing.
然后把同样的东西买一堆
Didn't you all wonder
难道你们圣诞节
when you got the same fun socks for Christmas?
收到一样的有趣袜子时没想过这事吗
- Oh, samesies. - I'll be damned!
-一样的耶 -我了个去
- I don't have those. - They're fun!
-我怎么没收到 -可有趣了
I'm sorry, okay?
对不起 是我不好
But I love you guys so much
但我太爱你们了
to leave your dreams to chance.
我不想把你们的愿望交给命运来安排
I suppose where you grew up,
我想在你长大的故乡
bending the rules was just a part of life.
钻漏洞也是生存的一部分
It's what you had to do to get by.
你必须得这样才能活下去
Why wouldn't you do that to help the people you love?
你又怎么会不拿来帮忙你爱的人呢
Thank you, Manny.
谢谢你 曼尼
You're not welcome. That's not how I feel.
你谢什么啊 我才不是那么觉得呢
I-It's a speech from a play I was in.
这是我演出的剧的台词
Right after that line,
在我说完刚才的台词后
I light up a cigarette and put my clothes back on.
我点事后烟然后重新穿上我的衣服
Yeah, I'm good, but...
我是没事啦 但是...
now I'll never know if that's why I made the cut.
我现在不知道我到底是不是凭实力了
Okay, stop. Look.
好了 别这样 听我说
We've all had a terrible day today --
大家今天都过了很惨的一天
Not me.
我没有啊
Tons of great fares, amazing yoga class --
拉的客人都是大单 超赞的瑜伽课
I-I was building to something, buddy.
我这边在酝酿一个点呢 兄弟
But that's one of the great things about being in a family.
但是大家庭有这么一个好处
We get to share in each other's victories.
我们能分享其他人的胜利荣光
And Alex has a huge victory today
而艾丽克斯今天有一场大胜利
that can make us all feel better.
能让我们大家都感觉好受
So let's...
所以我们...
turn around this crap day with a nice, feel-good --
把这糟糕的一天转亏为盈 感觉美...
Hey, is that Alex?
那是艾丽克斯吗
Oh, my God. Pull over!
天啊 停车
Back up!
Alex! Honey, what happened? Are you okay?
艾丽克斯 亲爱的 怎么了 你还好吗
What day is it?
今天周几
Not that time is anything but a flat circle.
无所谓 反正时间根本不会循环
So...we were done with classes, done with finals,
我们课都结束了 期末考也考完了
and, like college seniors since the beginning of time,
就跟史上所有大四生一样
we decided to get a little nuts.
我们也决定来疯狂一把
Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!
查格[干杯] 查格 查格 查格 查格
Our classmate Ashish Chug...
我们的同学阿施施·查格
I did it!
成功啦[喝完啦]
...hacked his key card to get us access
黑进了我们的出入证
to the restricted section of the library.
往里面加了进出图书馆限制区域的权限
We decided to read Alister's Last Theorem.
我们决定去读阿利斯特最后定理
Gottlob Alister wrote a proof showing that zero equals 1.
哥特罗布·阿利斯特写出了0=1的证明
This rendered mathematics meaningless
这代表数学是无意义的
and drove him insane.
并且害他发了疯
According to legend, the same fate befalls anyone
根据传说 同样的命运降临在了
who reads and understands the proof.
每一个阅读并能理解他证明的人身上
Good God.
天啊
If mathematics doesn't matter,
如果数学没有意义
then no one can be certain of anything,
那大家再也没有任何确定的事物了
and I've just wasted the last four --
而我浪费了我过去4...
no, 16 years of my life,
不对 是过去16年的人生
and there's no point in me graduating!
我毕业不毕业根本无所谓啊
Okay, I can tell that you're very upset,
我看得出来你非常不开心
and you're probably really overtired from finals.
你还可能因为期末考而累过头
But you are gonna regret it if you don't go to graduation.
但如果你不去参加毕业典礼 会后悔一生
Look, I promise -- whatever is bothering you,
我跟你保证 无论你现在有什么烦心事
figure it out after the ceremony --
在典礼之后就会想通
- After?! - ‭Yes.
-之后吗 -是啊
"After" implies "before"!
有"之后"就意味着有"之前"
But if one minute ago is the same as zero minutes ago,
但如果1分钟之前等于0分钟之前
then before is now and now is after!
那之前就是现在 而现在就是之后
Usually when I hear people talking like this,
我通常听到这种对白
we're walking through a Taco Bell drive-through.
都是在听到别人点餐在催上菜的时候
Sweetie, half your life is having your mind blown.
亲爱的 你有一半的人生都在被事物所震撼
I remember when I heard there were more stars in the galaxy
我还记得我第一次听到原来银河系中的星星
than grains of rice in a box of Uncle Ben's.
比一盒即时米饭里的米还多时的样子
No, there are more galaxies
不是的 是宇宙中的星系总数
than grains of sand on all the world's beaches.
比世界上所有海滩中的沙加起来还多
Okay, I can't lose 'em both!
我不能一下失去他们两个
- I got this! Alex... - ‭Somebody?
-我来 艾丽克斯 -谁快来啊
"I never knew true strength until --"
"我一直不知何为真正的力量 直到..."
"I met a man with no feet."
"我遇到一个没有脚的人"
Wait. No. These cards are not in order.
等等 不是 这些卡没按照顺序摆
Wait. Nobody help her right now --
等等 你们不许跟我抢
Alex, you're a smart, confident girl.
艾丽克斯 你是个聪明又自信的女孩
I know that you're gonna make the right decision.
我知道你会做出正确的决定
Did you just put this watch on me?
你刚把这表戴我手上了吗
I have a problem.
我有病得治啊
I say if Alex doesn't want to go to her graduation,
我觉得如果艾丽克斯不想参加毕业典礼
that's her decision.
那她自己决定了就好
Thank you, Luke.
谢谢你 卢克
As long as you know
只要你知道
that whatever's going on here isn't about math.
现在其实根本不是数学的问题就行
Yeah, I think maybe you're afraid to leave school.
我觉得你只是在害怕离开校园
- What? - ‭Your whole life,
-什么 -你这辈子
you've always known exactly what you're supposed to do --
从小就知道你该做什么
study, get good grades, repeat.
学习 得高分 反复
Now that's over, and it's scary.
现在这要结束了 令你感到害怕
Kind of like if zero equalled 1.
有点像是0=1
But lucky for you, your dummy brother and sister
但你很幸运 你的傻子姐姐跟弟弟
have spent time in the real world.
在现实社会中都摸爬滚打过了
And if we can handle it, you're gonna do just fine.
如果我们都能站稳脚跟 你肯定没问题
You think?
真的吗
Trust us.
相信我们
Come on. Let's go get you graduated.
走啦 我们带你去毕业典礼吧
Oh, hold on. That door gets jammed.
等等 那个门总卡住
I have to open it from the inside.
我得从里面打开
I got it!
我来开
Legend Danner.
莱亨德·丹拿
I still can't get over that commencement speech.
致辞的事情我现在还是过不去
Not a single laugh.
完全没人笑啊
I'll tell you one element he didn't discover -- hilarium.
我告诉你他没发现什么元素吧 "笑"素
Alex Dunphy.
艾丽克斯·邓菲
Congratulations.
恭喜你
We don't want to brag, but, uh...
我们也不想炫耀 但是...
Our kids did that.
是我们的孩子们促成的
Yeah.
是的
No! No more watches.
别 别又是手表啊
When did I order these ones?
我什么时候买的这些啊
Hey mom, guess what?
妈 你猜怎么着
What? Papi.
怎么啦 小宝贝
My friend Carly got cut from my program,
我朋友卡莉被踢出专业了
and her dad's funded our new costume department.
她老爸最近还刚给戏服部门捐钱呢
I guess bribes don't work.
看来贿赂是没用的
I got through all my merit.
全是凭我的本事
- Yeah!. - That calls for a reward.
-是啊 -这种时候就该奖赏自己
What is this?
这是什么
Manny, please don't tell Jay.
曼尼 求你别告诉杰
Oatmeal raisin? You know what?
燕麦葡萄干味啊 你知道吗
A true artist doesn't close themselve off to new experiences.
真正的艺术家不会阻止自己尝试新体验
Even vile illlevan cookies.
哪怕是看起来再不妙的饼干...
That's the path I've chosen.
这就是我所选择的人生道路
To experiences and observe everything
尽量去体验并观察人事物
in this beautiful pageant we called life.
一起在这名为人生的美丽盛会上狂舞