Oh, Mitchell. Are you awake?
Yeah, I think the lady upstairs just screamed.
- Should we check on her? - No, that was me.
-我们该去看看她吗 -不 是我叫的
Something terrible just happened in the shower.
Oh, God. What did you try to shave?
the words to "Thank God I'm A Country Boy."
Okay, two minutes ago, I was on the back
好吧 两分钟前 我还在梦中
of a snowmobile with Daniel Craig.
Mitchell, I sang that song my entire childhood.
If I can't remember the lyrics,
that means I've lost complete touch with my roots.
How could I let this happen?
Don't be so hard on yourself.
I'm not. This is mostly your doing.
Should have seen that coming.
You have shamed the country boy out of me.
You roll your eyes when I say "y'all" or "fixin'".
You made me take down our clothesline.
I just asked that we put it in the backyard.
You know what I have to do.
- Relearn the lyrics to -- - Get a chicken.
So, apparently, there's no legal reason
why we can't have a chicken in our backyard,
and-and I did a real deep dive.
Okay, so this is the kitchen, which we recently remodeled.
Get used to that.
Okay, this is the living room.
Okay, so, you and Mom will be in the chairs.
Me, Haley, and Luke will be on the couch.
And the interviewer will be right here.
Alex is up for a very prestigious government job
that requires a family interview.
In case they bring one of those memory zappers,
I've Sharpied all the pertinent information on my arm --
PIN numbers, et cetera.
Oh, honey, you don't think that they're really going to --
Oh, do not worry, little lady. I got you covered.
别担心 妹子 我把你也写上了
If you really want to impress the interviewer,
why don't you try casually leaving out this completed
New York Times crossword that I found at the gym?
Why bring a knife to a gun fight?
How about I lay out the family heirloom?
1931. Great-grandpa Ted Dunphy
is driving south from Modesto one foggy evening.
He picks up a stranded motorist
and drives him to a gas station.
The man has no money, so Ted pays for his gas.
The man thanks him with a quick drawing on a cocktail napkin.
For you see, that man... was Walt Disney.
你瞧 那个人 是迪士尼创办人华特·迪士尼
And this familiar fellow is Mickey Mouse.
Yeah, no thanks on the heirloom or the crossword, guys.
Let's keep it simple, okay?
Honey, relax. You're awesome.
亲爱的 放松 你这么棒
It's gonna go great.
Just as soon as we get this chair back
to where it's been ever since we've lived in this house.
Mom, can you please stop managing everything?
You mean like when she cleaned my hat collection
out of the front closet in case the interviewer looked in there?
Honey, you never wore those hats,
and the charity was glad to get them.
Maybe you should have also donated my dream
of one day going to the Kentucky Derby
or Easter at a black church.
Hey, Alex. Quick tip. Smile during the interview.
艾丽克斯 小贴士 面试时记得微笑
I've been learning a lot about
different personality types in my psych course,
and you're kind of textbook borderline --
all brains, no empathy.
You know, Luke, we are so very proud
of all the hard work you're doing,
and I look forward to hearing your insights
when you finish chapter two.
But for now, maybe you could just put that book away.
No surprise you'd say that.
Controlling, obsessive --
classic Commandant personality type.
Oh, grow up, Haley.
Sadly, she can't.
Such is the plight of the Peter Pan personality.
You're saying Haley refuses to grow up? I don't believe that.
Which brings us to another type, the Dreamer --
head in the clouds, tends to be naive, gullible.
白日做梦 总是很天真 很好骗
I love that you're smart now.
That's your classic game-day breakfast --
your carbs, fiber, your protein.
碳水 纤维 蛋白质
You throw a shot of brandy in there,
you'll be ready to play in the Ice Bowl.
I don't eat beets. Never have, never will.
我不吃甜菜 过去不吃 今后也不吃
When you were 2, you ate a dime and a butterfly.
Now your body is a temple?
He can eat a protein bar in the car.
We still have to pick up some players that live far away.
Gloria, this is not okay.
They have P.O. Boxes in the district.
And besides, everybody bends the rules.
I swear the goalie from the other team
has been my Uber driver.
Gloria, I'm trying to get the kid to eat his vegetables.
I could use a little support.
Why aren't you dressed?
You're supposed to referee two games today.
I told you I don't want to do that!
I got my boxing match tonight.
Besides, those ref outfits are stupid.
Walk it off. You're fine.
- Move it, Joe. - You're not hearing that?
-快点 乔 -你没听出这话中的毛病了吗
So, Haley, you tell us about Alex.
Well, it was not easy sharing a room with a genius.
She was always up reading and calculating,
but she also inspired me.
When I turned 21, I said,
"Haley, time to be your own woman,"
and I moved into the basement.
I'm sorry. I don't-I don't mean to interrupt,
but I just keep replaying
my answer to you about my parenting style.
Oh, don't give it a second thought.
But when I said I wanted to run away and never come back,
- Yeah, absolutely. - I know.
It's just that you wrote it down like --
- Mom, let it go. - Okay.
-妈 别想了 -好
I see you spent your summer in Honduras.
Any other travel that inspired...
If you could maybe just make a little, like, L-O-L
next to my joke, so then it's super clear.
Australia, a camping trip to Costa Rica,
- and a month in Europe. - Excellent.
Well, she does come by her wanderlust honestly.
The kids here all know about my high school trip
to the Soviet Union.
Yeah, but she doesn't need to hear about that.
- No, please. Continue. - In the depths of the Cold War,
-别 请讲 继续 -在冷战胶着时期
my tumbling team was part of a cultural exchange.
I became friends with a Russian tumbler named Sergei
who wanted to hear all about the U.S.
He asked me to -- to send pictures when I got home,
and not just touristy stuff.
Sergei was interested in ordinary things --
uh, airports, um, power plants, train stations.
机场啦 发电厂啦 火车站啦
His family was in the fence business.
He said our military had the best fencing...
I must have sent him 50 pictures
of the perimeter of Camp Pendleton.
Anyway, we don't want to take up your whole day.
You wouldn't have time to write up your report,
which you could title "Alex Dunphy:
The Apple that fell very far from the Tree."
-Thank you all very much. We will be in touch. -Thank you.
-非常感谢你们 我们会保持联系的 -谢谢您
-Thank you. -Okay, bye-bye.
-谢谢 -好 再见
Bye. Fun chatting.
You know what? We Dunphys clean up
pretty well when we want to, don't we?
Are you kidding me?
Mom, did you really have to OCD all over her notebook?
And you, bragging about
still living at home at, like, what? 30?
And Dad, well done.
There's nothing that cinches a government job
like finding out your dad was a Russian spy!
Luke was right about all of you.
Commandant, Peter Pan, Dreamer.
指挥官 彼得潘 梦想家
Thank you, Alexandra. It's not easy
谢谢 亚历山德拉 在这个家里
being the smart ones in this family.
Your last English paper came back
with a Garfield sticker on it that said "Way to go!"
That's the second highest sticker she gives out!
Another fresh one, courtesy of Princess Layer.
Another new name?
She's already been Egg Ryan and Chicky Minaj.
I know having a chicken isn't your dream.
But if it makes you feel any better,
I think I know who I am again.
A person who hates chickens!
They are filthy and beyond stupid.
The momennt I can find the receipt,
I am returning that chicken.
But I'm not gonna let Mitchell know because,
like that vile bird, I made a big stink.
Oh. We're out of chicken feed again?
I have a meeting at the school today
with the homecoming committee.
If polling is correct,
the new queen is gonna be in a wheelchair,
and we already blew our ramp budget
on a balloon drop, so could you maybe --
Cam, this will be my third trip
to the feed and grain store this week.
We agreed that you'd be the one
to take care of this awful thing.
I've never really felt a connection to animals,
but there's just something about that chicken.
The soulful eyes, the nervous movements,
the cute little splash of red on top.
She's just likeable.
Plus, I love going to that feed store.
T-The second I walk through the door, I'm one of them.
- Howdy, Bobby. - Hey.
-雷猴啊 鲍比 -你好
Smells like rain.
What are you doing back so soon?
Yeah, I told you you got to buy
more than one bag of feed at a time.
No, it's no bother.
No, it's nice to get out of the field,
away from the chicken...s.
The problem is I can't let Cam know
that I'm enjoying my new life as a gentleman farmer.
I-I've spent our whole relationship
trying to tamp down his farm-ness.
Ugh, it's all the encouragement he'd need
to -- to move us to Missouri and go full Old MacDonald.
Did I leave that unlatched? Oh, God.
Hey, are you Ridley? I'm reffing the 1:00 game.
Hey, do I get my voucher for a hot dog before or after?
Oh...Hey. You got your whistle?
Oh, damn. I forgot it.
Late and no whistle? Where's your respect for the game?
迟到 还没带哨子 你对这比赛的尊敬在哪
On a football field somewhere.
- Hey, what do you say I borrow yours? - Are you kidding?
I just lost six weeks of school to mono.
You're on field 4.
All right. Let's get this over with.
You are the referee for my game?
You don't know anything about soccer.
Take that up with the lady who forced me into this.
Okay, purple, let's go!
好了 紫队 我们出发
Joe, Finn, Clyde up front!
乔 芬恩 克莱德 前锋
Lucas, Dylan, Chad in the back!
卢卡斯 迪伦 查德 后卫
Estefan, in goal!
I'm guessing that Estefan is the kid
who lives out of the district?
His legs are hairier than mine,
and I think he was wearing a wedding ring.
Let's get this party started, rookie.
Okay, they won't start unless you use the whistle.
Clyde, it's open! Yes!
克莱德 空档 进球了
Whistle! No goal! Purple offside!
吹哨 不算分 紫队越位
Offside? Are you blind?
He's right. Free kick for red right where the ball is.
Yes, free kick for red right where the ball is.
For the first time in weeks, Gloria had to listen to me.
I was in charge. Ridley said so.
Coach, you're running up the score.
You got to sub in some of your weaker players.
How about this kid with the neck pillow? It's usually a tip-off.
I'm not running up the score. I'm winning.
You either make the substitution or you are leaving my field.
That's it! Whistle!
You're out of here!
Doesn't frighten me.
Oh, hey, Haley. What's up?
你好 海莉 什么事
I'm kind of mad at my family, actually.
They keep saying I have one of those Peter Pan personalities,
so, um, change of plans.
We're going to a play, not the circus.
Dylan, don't make a thing out of this.
The elephant's not going to remember
you promised to see him next year.
No, Haley. I-I can't hear you. Bad reception.
不是 海莉我是听不清 信号不好
Had I been an unwitting -- an unwitting spy?
I even dug out an old article they'd done on me
in a Russian newspaper during my trip.
Sergei told me the headline said,
"Young Tumbler's Mission of Friendship."
A quick scan into Google Translate
revealed the truth --
"Famous Tumbler Denounces the West."
I needed some fresh air to clear my head.
Had I been that big a dupe in high school?
And if so, what was stopping them
from trying to use me again today?
Hey, hey, hey! What's up, buddy?!
Makes you crazy, doesn't it, Commandant?
快把你逼疯了 对吧 指挥官
So you weren't about to straighten that chair?
Because if the whole world isn't completely ordered,
it feels like your skin is on fire?
This is literally armchair psychology.
Luke, your label for me was spot on. I am a Dreamer.
卢克 你对我的评价很正确 我就是个梦想家
No, worse, I'm a -- I'm a patsy,
不 更糟 我是容易受骗的蠢材
a mark, a full-on sucker!
Phil, calm down. You're not a dupe.
菲尔 冷静点 你才不是好骗的笨蛋
- Hey, guys. - Hey, Dylan. Sweet lid.
-大家好啊 -迪兰 帽子不错啊
- What did it cost you? - Zilch.
Someone threw a bunch of them in the trash across the street.
So, uh, Haley's waiting for you downstairs.
Hang on. I used to have a Panama that looked a little like --
You duped me into believing we were donating them to ISSBA,
and you were just gonna throw them in the trash.
But this doesn't just hurt me, Claire.
What about the poor people at the Institute
for Sun-Sensitive Bald... Americans?
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Phil.
对不起 我很抱歉 菲尔
It's just that woman was coming and the interview --
and there was all that clutter.
I'm sick. Tell him, Luke.
我有病 告诉他 卢克
Save it, Claire. You think of me what everyone thinks of me.
省省吧 克莱尔 你跟其他人都一样
I'm a rube, a pigeon, a greenhorn.
Okay, Dylan. Let's get you changed and lose the hat.
好了 迪兰 去换身衣服 把帽子摘了
It's rude to block people's views
where we'll be spending our afternoon...
at an adult theater.
I mean, we all knew
there was gonna be a third one, right?
- I didn't! - Okay.
- I must have left the latch open. - You probably did.
I -- I know how much that chicken means to you.
And now something this painful --
I-I don't think I could have a chicken again ever.
Wait, wait. T-The security camera.
We can -- We can find out exactly what happened.
Oh, yeah. I...forgot about that.
Mitchell, Mitchell, wait, wait.
米奇尔 米奇尔 等等 等等
You're not used to the harsh realities of farm life.
All these animals -- they seem so sweet,
but it's a bloodbath at the first sign of weakness,
like dinner with our friends
when one person gets up from the table.
Oh, my God. Okay, well, you -- you look
老天 好吧 你来看
- and tell me what happened. - Okay.
And later, tell me what people say when I leave the table.
Okay, well, nothing happening yet.
Okay, you know, I want to see.
No. No, no, no. Don't.
- Something's come into the backyard. - What?
I think it's a raccoon.
- OhOh th-- Oh, the horror! - Oh, my God!
-苍天啊 场面好血腥 -天啊
No, no. No, she's fighting.
不 不 她在反抗
She's fighting, Mitchell, with every fiber...
她在反抗 米奇尔 拼尽全力
- That's right. - ...of her indomitable chicken-y spirit.
And it's over. Oh, gosh.
Well, that's the worst farm calamity I've seen
since a dinner theater production of "Oklahoma!"
starring Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.
Well, then she could still be alive!
W-We have to look for her.
Okay. G-Grab her favorite squeak toy.
Okay, well, which -- which one?
Squirrely Temple or Lionardo DiCaprio?
It's like you don't even know her.
"Dead-end alcoholics...broken lives, and broken dreams..."
"绝望的酒鬼... 破碎的生活 破碎的梦想"
Nope, nothing about Spider-Man.
其实是名剧作家尤金·奥尼尔所著的《送冰的人来了/The Iceman Cometh》
Must be a different Iceman that cometh.
That's okay. It could still be good.
But, Dylan, you have to stop looking
可是 迪兰 你不能再盯着
at the carnival over there.
I'm sorry, but it just might be easier to enjoy
this unsparing look at life's castoffs
if I knew that afterwards,
we were gonna walketh over there
and goeth to the bumper cars.
I'm literally asking for only...
Look. I know you want to prove that we're mature adults,
but look at this line.
We are the young people here.
At the carnival, we'd be, like,
the oldest people there?
May I remind you what they said to us last time
when they escorted us out of the ball pit?
"Excuse me, but this attraction really isn't for..."
- M'lady. - M'Dylan.
Okay, we need to talk.
You bet we need to talk.
I was out of bounds throwing you out of that game.
You bet you were out of bounds throwing me out of that game.
But it was all my fault, Jay.
You bet it was all my fault, Jay --
Don't Bugs Bunny me.
Okay. So we both like to be in charge.
But when it comes to Joe, can we both be on the same page?
Like this morning when I was trying to get him
to eat his vegetables? Back me up.
I knew I should have thrown away those beets!
Stupid. What am I, 4?
I guess we're not setting a very good example.
Exactly! When we say no to each other,
he thinks he can say no to us.
Yeah, like for his homework, his bedtime --
对 比如他的功课 上床睡觉时间
Or something important like eating those nutritious...
- Whistle! - Whistle!
I'm really sorry I lied to you about the hats.
But in all fairness, you do have a tendency to --
This again? How I can't throw anything away?
We have 100 episodes of "Hoarders" on DVR
in case you want to watch them again.
That's not what this is about.
This is about me blindly believing
whatever anybody tells me.
You're being too hard on yourself.
You want to see the best in people.
It doesn't mean you're gonna believe just anything.
Really? What about our beloved family heirloom?
- Claire? - Hmm?
Is this real, or am I just a fourth-generation Dunphy dummy?
Well, uh, Mickey's shoulders are a bit muscular.
But, perhaps, Walt customized it
for your great-grandfather because he was, uh --
He was a longshoreman?
He sold ladies' bonnets. Oh.
Mom, can you slip Dad's credit card
back in his wallet before he --
Oh. Hey, handsome.
Further proof of how you all see me --
as a turnip truck faller-offer!
- No. - Then I'll ask you.
Do you believe that this was drawn by Walt Disney?
Alex, get in here.
- Alex! - No, honey, you know what she's gonna say.
-艾丽克斯 -别啊 亲爱的 你知道她会说什么
Her optometrist won't even let her wear contacts
'cause of all the excessive eye rolling. - Hi.
I need to know the truth.
Alex, real or unreal?
Yeah, it's a little off, but didn't you say
的确 是有些不像 但你不是说过
he had to draw it in the back of a truck?
And what hitchhiker would be carrying around a drafting pencil
if he wasn't some sort of an animator?
And who would run out of gas on the side of the road
but a starry-eyed dreamer envisioning
the happiest place on earth?
Also I got the job.
Yeah, they just called. I'm still in shock myself.
是啊 他们刚打电话通知 我还在感到震惊呢
Oh, honey. I'm so proud of you.
Oh, let me get some champagne.
Luke, help me with the glasses.
Alex, that's amazing. I knew you could do it.
艾丽克斯 太棒了 我就知道你能行
You say that about everything.
- Well, I know, but... - No, thank you.
-是啦 但是... -不 我是想谢谢你
Riding a bike, my first cello concert,
freshman chemistry, this job --
every time I was sure I couldn't do something,
you convinced me I could.
It's nice to have a believer in the house.
I don't see her anywhere.
All right, let's maybe turn around and look over there?
Okay, Mitchell, why would the chicken cross the road?
We were never finding that chicken.
After an unpleasant struggle that I only won
after sustaining multiple scratches,
I put it in the back seat of my car,
drove it to the egg farm, and lobbed it over the fence.
They can fly a little.
Oh, your arm's all scratched up. What happened?
Oh, um, it's probably from when I was trying to
break that fight up with those, um -- those blue jays.
Oh. Oh, gosh. Oh, God.
I am all of a sudden feeling very tired.
- Well, do you want me to drive? - No, no, it's fine.
-需要换我来开车吗 -不用 没事的
- Cam, watch out! - Oh, my God!
-小卡 小心 -天啊
You got rid of Hennifer.
I hated that chicken, and I was too ashamed
to say anything because I -- I made such a big stink
out of you shaming the country out of me.
I have a confession.
- I love that chicken. - Really?
I-I didn't want to admit it because I like to see myself
as a sort of, you know, sophisticated urbanite.
是那种... 你懂的 精致高雅的都市人
But I guess you --
you countrified me a little.
Well, you citified me.
- Aww, that's kind of sweet. - It is.
You know, now we just need to find an activity
that satisfies the straw-chewing country boy in you
and the window-shopping cosmopolitan in me.
Drive up the road a piece.
Now, will this horse shampoo harm a cat?
Because I just -- I love the scent.
Collar up or down?
You'll pay for that!
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Timeout, timeout! I just saw my reflection!
暂停 暂停 我看到了自己的倒影
I told you that churro was going to drink up my lipstick.
Dylan, the lipstick went up my nose!
It's really jammed up there!
Oh, okay. Stay still, Haley.
好的 你别动 海莉
I'll -- I'll hit you from the other side.
Just want to let you know, the x-ray shows no broken nose.
I guess you figured out we were acting kind of childish.
Enjoy it while you can, right?
Yeah. Who says we have to race into being adults?
Why wouldn't you want to enjoy a carefree life
as long as you could?
At least until the baby comes.
Oh, that's years away. Trust me.
Actually, we always run a blood test before anesthesia.
We can be here all night.
I was late to watch the fight at Shorty's.
By the time I got there,
the Polish sausage was gonna be down to those puckered end pieces.
Listen, I'll meet you halfway.
When your mother's not looking,
you eat a beet, I eat a beet.
Mi amor, can I get some wine?
That was Estefan's father.
The Green Goblins are trying to recruit him.
I need to stop by the ATM
and then go to his house.
When your daddy's not looking,
let's split the beets, okay?
Fine. I'm ready to eat these,
but can we turn off the lights
so I don't have to see how gross they are?
- Makes sense. - Good idea.
- Bravo, papi! - That's my guy!
-太棒了 宝贝 -我的乖儿子啊