Why aren't you talking, are you mad at me?
No! I'm freaked because I just found out that I'm pregnant.
And yes, I am a little mad at you,
because this is serious,
and the only thing that you can think about
is combining our names into the perfect baby name.
Well, now we know it's either Hayden or Dyley.
Look, this is a beautiful thing.
A product of our love.
It is a product of our love, right?
Yes, Dylan. I did the math.
是的 迪兰 我算过了
Last time you did the math
we accidentally left a $300 tip.
Oh, I don't know what to do.
Haley Gwendolyn Dunphy...
will you marry me?
Are you kidding me right now?
Picture us walking down the aisle,
a breathtaking vision in virginal white
and you wearing whatever you want.
I'm not marrying you!
Okay, okay, one step at a time.
好吧 好吧 我们慢慢来
We'll put you on vitamins and a healthy diet.
You'll be eating for one now.
How am I gonna tell my mom?
This is the one thing she always told me not to do,
and you're the person she told me not to do it with.
Yeah, she really nailed that one.
I hope our baby gets her brain.
Why aren't you freaking out?
Because this is a good thing,
Oh, my God, I have to get to work.
To a job that I love, which I don't even know
if I can do with a baby!
I need some space.
$13, carry the 3...
All right, Thompson,
run a crisp route! Pitkowski, go!
干净利落点 平托斯基 冲啊
Look at them out there.
They are a mess. No focus!
You told them about not eating chicken, right?
It's a nervous bird.
Before the game, you eat your calm mammals,
your beefs, your muttons.
Okay, guys, get in here!
Let's go. Huddle up!
We're about to play for the city championship,
and Jay here has been helping out.
I've been a team booster for years.
Usually that means cutting a check
from the Pritchett Cares Foundation.
We support athletics
and we educate at-risk youth about careers in closets.
It's a real path out.
Okay, this is the biggest day of your lives
and you're looking like a bunch of little girls out there!
What's wrong, Pitkowski, did you forget your Barbies?!
怎么 平托斯基 芭比娃娃忘带了吗
Coach, we've been talking,
and the language you've been using lately
feels, well, hurtful.
And a little gender reductive.
What the hell is happening?
We'd just like you to consider
adopting a more empowering style.
Okay, you know what?
What's wrong, are your training bras too tight?!
Please see me in my office now!
No, honey, I don't want to pick your sister up
不 亲爱的 我不想去机场
Oh, sorry, I'm talking to my girlfriend
and I accidentally kept the megaphone button pressed!
She's really been riding me lately,
Oh, no sweetheart, no,
不 亲爱的 不
I didn't mean for you to hear that!
No, no, no, you're my everything! Of course!
不 不 你是我的一切 毋庸置疑
I got tickets for me and Mitchell
to a screening in Palm Springs
of "The Empire Strikes Back" --
Q&A to follow with the biggest star of all --
I'm super stoked because I kind of think of Mitch
as the brother I never had.
I don't know why we don't spend more time alone together.
It's nobody's fault. Except for --
for Cam and Claire.
You know, I'm as happy now as I've ever been.
And look, we're in Yucaipa.
That sounds like how Ewoks talk.
I used to sneak off to a gay bar in Yucaipa before I came out.
Huh, you don't really think of gay bars as a small-town thing.
They serve your rural gays,
your closeted gays, your city newbies
looking to get their gay sea-legs,
kind of like an out-of-town tryout before they hit Broadway.
See, I learn something whenever I spend time with you.
Remember when you told me not to snap when I dance?
It looked like you were trying to get peanut butter
off your fingers.
Speaking of which, I'm starving.
That bar actually has amazing hamburgers
if you want to stop for lunch?
Just don't snap.
Do you think I could rock this?
Do people still say rock?
It makes me sad when you have to ask me
what young people say.
Alex? Gloria? Ahh!
What are you doing here?
I needed some sexy clothes,
so I asked Gloria to help me shop.
No offense to my mom,
but she dresses kind of conservative
while Gloria knows how to pick out clothes
take this baby for a spin.
sell it if you're gonna talk like that.
Just stopped by the cobbler
to get my penny loafers re-soled.
Same pair for 30 years.
What are you guys doing?
Oh, we're just -- Uh, no, we, uh,
我们就是 不 我们
were shopping separately, funniest thing,
and we just bumped into each other!
Yes, it was hilarious.
I was shopping, and -- and then all she said.
我在逛街 然后就 就像她说的那样
So, what did you buy?
Oh, no, no, no. It's -- It's not mine.
不 不 不 这不是我买的
It's hers. Could you hold it for a minute?
My arms are tired!
This one, the Queen of Sheba.
We all work for her.
This place is great.
These small town gays have it made.
Yeah, I mean, they're forced to live in the shadows,
but they do get to eat fries, so...
Is that Gil Thorpe?
We don't all know each other, Phil.
There are no women in here.
Right there, he's my nemesis.
What could he possibly be doing here?
I might have a theory.
He's pretending to be gay.
What is your game, Gil?
is Nicole coming in soon?
Her sound bath ran late.
Is there a special occasion?
Why the party sub?
this is a normal sandwich.
Why the enormous sandwich?
This is an ordinary... doesn't matter.
Nicole, can I have a minute?
Look, a situation has come up
and it's pretty confusing.
I'm still trying to process it, but I --
- Preggo? - What?!
Oh, God, I knew it!
I mean, Prego, you know, however you pronounce
that pretentious Italian fashion website.
Someone told me that they're trying
to poach one of my employees, and I am not having it.
So, what do you need?
Title bump, money bump -- you are getting a promotion.
我给你长职位 涨工资 你要升职了
the new Head of Activewear and Zeitgeist.
Oh, my God, this is my dream job.
I told my guidance counselor that I wanted to do this
and she laughed in my face.
All right, everyone.
Come in, we're celebrating!
And bring a knife so we can cut this into 20 pieces!
Coach Tucker, students are a "protected class"
and it is not okay for you,
an elite white man of privilege, to bully them.
Privilege? I-I make a teacher's salary.
Yeah, gay doesn't really get you the mileage that it used to.
Now, if you were trans, we'd be golden.
Oh, has the whole world gone crazy?!
- Jay -- - No, no, I've had it.
-杰 -不 我受够了
I mean, what, everyone's so sensitive,
they're gonna ruin football?
In my day, our team,
the Hamilton Cabbage Eaters,
captained by Knish Bronstein,
took on the Lincoln Banditos,
QB'd by Jose "Speedy" Gonzales.
And after three hours of pummeling each other's privates
at the bottom of dog piles,
we shook hands like brothers
and all went to brawl the Sausage-Heads in Pierogi-Town.
Beautiful melting pot.
How was that your life?
You were in high school during the Summer of Love.
Coach Tucker, I don't know why this man is here,
but he's a member of the "Elderly protected class,"
and legally we can't contradict him.
I'm sorry, you're gonna have to find a gentler way
to motivate your players.
I don't know any other way to coach.
What we need is advice from someone who played football
but also is a namby-pamby Millennial weirdo.
Thank you for coming.
We're here to teach these gentlemen
how to communicate in the 21st century.
Let's go around and each say the gender pronoun we prefer.
I'm cisgender, he-slash-him.
我是顺性别者 他 他的
Oh, I'm not here to bust chops, Bob is fine.
This is your rugby team?
I am fascinated by this mall story of yours...
So, you say you were shopping?
Yes. you know me and shoes.
Well, let's take a look, why don't we?
I had no idea your foot was so tiny.
Yes, I am so big in the top and small in the bottom,
like South America herself.
- Put 'em on. - Really?
I want to see them on your feet.
I feel like I am Cinderella.
Go on, let's see you strut your stuff.
I've never felt more beautiful!
Okay, I can't watch this anymore!
Mom, please don't take this personally,
but I was shopping with Gloria today
because I wanted to find something sexy
for my weekend away with Bill,
and that's more her thing.
I don't always dress like a...steering wheel cover.
You're lashing out. I understand.
Doesn't mean I can't turn it on when I need to.
It's not just that.
I guess... I don't really feel like
you're comfortable with my sexuality.
You and Haley can talk about guys and sex,
but you still see me as a 12-year-old.
Honey, I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry if I gave you that impression,
you don't really share that part of your life with me.
I guess that's valid.
So, are you gonna give me a shot?
Let me tart you up for Bill.
Okay. But it is not just for Bill
because it's also for me because I'm --
I'm reclaiming a part of myself that I don't think I've really --
There's a lot of this.
This is nuts. First he gets divorced, and now this?
太疯狂了 他先是离婚 又来这里
Hmm, they may be related.
Oh, man. I've been made!
he's right behind you.
I was just making a pitstop on the way to the Bunny Ranch.
I accidentally walked in here
'cause some local said they had great wings.
Didn't realize there were no breasts!
You don't have to do this. I'm-I'm Mitch,
I'm Phil's brother-in-law,
and it's okay that you're gay.
What? Hold on a second now. that's crazy!
什么 等一下 这是疯话
It's not the insult you think it is.
Charming as ever. Off you go. Best of luck.
还是那么有魅力 快走吧 祝你好运
It's gonna take him some time to-to accept who he really is.
I'm totally gay.
Wow, you're off to a strong start.
It's just -- it's strange to say it out loud like that,
you know? I'm a gay man.
I'm a big gay man.
Feels like a big gay weight has been lifted off me.
Just a weight. Yeah.
But doesn't it feel great to-to finally own who you really are?
I remember admitting to my dad
It's not the same, Dunphy.
God, I have so many questions for you, though.
Hey, hey, first time I walked into this bar, I did, too.
I'm just not comfortable opening up
in front of the breeder here, okay?
You have more kids than I do!
That's homophobic, man!
Hey, Phil, why don't-why don't you grab us some drinks?
- It's my lucky day. - Thank you for that.
But I'm afraid I'm taken.
Why is it so hard for me to meet someone?
I have the perfect guy for you.
He has got a great sense of humor, big heart.
I have a thing for red heads.
He's with me. Uh, the other one.
He's been lurking around here for weeks.
Like I'm impressed he's
"Southern California's number one Realtor."
Well, what are you afraid of?
I don't know, Mitchell.
I'm so late to the game.
Who's even gonna want me?
Mitchell, um, it's getting late,
and we don't want to keep Mr. Lucas waiting.
You're the first person I ever talked to about any of this stuff.
I can't leave him this way.
What?! He's a monster!
And not one of the cool ones
created by Industrial Light and Magic!
I know. This-this is a lot to take in,
but I think that there's a really good guy in there
and-and he needs me.
I'm sorry, you go, have fun.
抱歉 你走吧 玩得开心点
You're-you're picking him over me?!
No. I just need to make sure he's okay.
Look, I-I'll try and get there if I can.
Please don't Yoda me.
Twenty years ago, I was in this bar,
feeling just like you do.
And this really nice guy came up to talk to me.
I-I think he could see how lost and alone I was.
it felt like my whole world opened up that day.
Wow, that's a touching story.
So when are we gonna start touching?
I say we head out to the parking lot,
get a little crazy in my ex-wife's minivan, huh?
Fine, Prince Harry.
I'll pop for a hotel room.
But that means we're doing everything.
Okay. Y-You're awful!
Well, at least I'm not a tease.
What a waste of an afternoon.
Hey, I'm Gil. Just came out.
Feeling kind of lost and alone.
C-C-Can someone give me a ride?
I need to go after the guy I was here with.
Let's go. He's worth it.
I don't know about this.
Come on, honey, I picked it out.
出来吧 亲爱的 我选的
I'm not gonna judge you. I swear.
You look beautiful.
Really? It's not too much?
Let the prudes leave something to the imagination.
Bill's gonna be all, "Let me get a piece of that," huh?
How about lingerie?
Yes, um, I would love your input on my lingerie.
What would Bill like?
Something with snaps.
He doesn't like complicated garments.
He's easily frustrated.
That is so fun to know.
Can I just say, I am so comfortable with your sexuality.
Can I just say that your comfort with my sexuality
has made me more comfortable with my sexuality.
Can I just say that if I had my gun in my purse,
I would shoot myself.
Well, you should be!
Hear him out, he feels terrible!
You were right about Gil! He's awful!
He has no redeeming qualities,
well, except for his taste in men!
You know how important this was to me?!
I-I'm as big a "Star Wars" Fan as you are!
It was never about "Star Wars"!
It was about spending time with you!
Well, I love spending time with you!
You're like the brother I never had!
What?! That's crazy cakes!
- I say that about you all the time! - Stop it!
I had a totally different idea about what this was,
but it's still beautiful!
Eyes on the road! Eyes on the road!
Hey, what's going on?
Today's been a lot.
You know, I don't say it enough,
but I am so glad that you and I can talk about anything.
Something happen with Alex?
I don't want to talk about it.
What brings you to the floor?
it seems I've gone and gotten myself...
Haley, that's fantastic!
Yeah, I, uh -- I get my own parking spot and an "IRA."
I guess that's my assistant's name or something?
Sweetheart, I'm very proud of you.
You really pulled it together.
Yeah, well, I still have a lot of stuff to figure out.
Everyone does at your age.
Boy, I know I did.
Did you ever regret having me when you did?
Like how it kinda derailed your career?
I didn't love it at first.
But then I saw this face.
And you were lucky enough to have Dad.
He was born to be a parent.
This is gonna come as a surprise to you,
but your dad was a different guy than you think.
What?! Who?! Is that why I'm so short?!
什么 那是哪个人 所以我才这么矮吗
When I met your father,
he did not have his life together.
But to his credit,
he really stepped up when I got pregnant,
and I think that's what made it work.
You know, having someone to depend on.
How did I get down this road?
Why is Alex leaving the house dressed like a flasher?
She and I agreed not to discuss it.
Her sexual awakening has been tough on all of us.
Thompson, I see you, I hear you, and I'm listening!
汤普森 我看到你也听得到你 我在聆听你
I would have preferred you stuck to the play we called,
but I respect your independent spirit!
Okay, Pitkowski, treat the area around the quarterback
好 平托斯基 把四分卫周围区域
as a "safe space,"
and think of the other team's defenders
as destructive thoughts trying to attack our self-esteem!
I hate losing to a team with a Viking mascot.
You died out and became Swedes!
Hip-hip-hooray for socialism and seasonal depression!
Our championship is on the line.
You gotta do something.
Men, this is the biggest moment of your life
and I don't know how to fire you up!
My original plan was to come in here,
single out the under-performers
and throw diapers at them!
Now I realize that could be interpreted as insensitive
or, perhaps, anti-baby!
but the football field was always my safe space, okay?!
It's where, in high school,
I first gained the respect of my peers,
and if I'm being honest,
where I'd hoped I'd finally gain
the admiration of my father-in-law.
Now I feel like I've just...
You want to know how I feel?
Hurt that Coach Tucker doesn't know
how much we appreciate him.
Triggered because he's got to apologize
for a few words after all he's done
to prove himself as a man and a coach.
I've admired you for a long time
and if I haven't let you know that, that's on me --
and I'm "Cissy-gendered" enough to admit it.
I'm gonna make sure that Coach Tucker knows
he's a person of value I admire and respect.
Coach Tucker's a person of value I admire and respect!
Coach Tucker's a person of value I admire and respect!
Coach Tucker's a person of value I admire and respect!
Coach Tucker's a person of value I admire and respect!
Now let's go take it to these guys,
who I'm sure are blessed with other gifts
but are not great at football!
Can you believe they bought it?
We live in sensitive times.
No brain at all?
Well, that's gonna hurt my career.
So we must evolve if we want to succeed.
Sometimes that requires us to share our vulnerabilities...
...so that we can see one another in a new way.
I think I'm okay with it.
But it's less scary knowing I'm going through it with you.
That concludes today's non-denominational
Have the day that's right for you.
Let's see those little bastards complain about that.
That's right guys. High knees.
Commie to your left.
Commie to your right.
Stop dragging Pitkowski.
They are coming after your sweet heart.
You know what they did to Poland?
Well, I wanna stop this.
But there is nothing in the guidelines about communists.
Now we are high like a hippie.
- We are bending over like a ga... - Ok, shut it down Jay.
-弯下腰像个基... -好了 杰 停下
Alright, boys. Hydrate like I tought you.
好啦 各位 用我教的方法喝水