I don't feel so good.
Aww, what's going on?
You are kinda warm.
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Maybe get rid of some of these blankets?
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最新连载海外影视剧下载仅供交流学习 禁止商用盈利请登陆 www.YYeTs.com
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You tried to scare me for Halloween.
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How in the world did that not frighten you?
Some of this is my actual blood.
I nicked myself putting it on!
Sweetie, you don't know the first thing about scaring people.
It's all about plausibility.
And you were awfully casual
for a guy who just got an ax in the chest.
You know, if you really wanted to scare me,
you should've waited until I opened the closet
and found you hanging by a necktie.
Yeah. Totally plausible.
I mean, you've been so happy all these years,
the other shoe is bound to drop, right?
I am not married to the whole necktie thing.
It could be, um...
shotgun or poison
or a power drill to the eye --
Now you're scaring me.
That's how you do it.
Hey, happy Halloween!
It was until your mother ruined it.
because he tried to scare me and he couldn't.
I'm tough to scare.
My girlfriend's pregnant.
She's our age.
If she was pregnant, it'd be on the news.
I don't have time to drop this off for you again.
Isn't that that lonely little lady that sits up in her window?
He always makes me deliver his neighborhood association stuff
because he's afraid of her.
I go by that house all the time.
Not hot, Phil.
Fine! She's creepy!
She sits in that window like a store cat.
I'll drop it off on the way to dinner with Bill.
He's taking me to Buon Cibo's at 6:00.
I'm going to Buon Cibo's at 6:00 with Janice.
Ew! I don't want to watch you
run your discount body-spray game on her.
Change your reservation to later.
She has to eat four hours before bed
because of the reflux.
- You change. - No!
We're going out after to see "Texas Chainsaw Massacre,"
which I can't believe I agreed to.
Ooh, that sounds like fun. I've never seen that movie.
Can you believe that? Me, of all people.
Uh, then we're going.
You think you can't be scared anymore?
That's the most terrifying movie I've ever seen.
Great, bring it.
I look forward to being scared.
Did you get the costumes?
Yeah, I -- I didn't have a lot of time,
so I had to steal something from work.
Okay, that's not a bad start.
I think I can work with this, yes.
We are so excited for Halloween.
You know, for the first time in years,
we're gonna get a little cray
and go to the big gay Halloween carnival,
like we used to when we were young and childless --
And people still said "Cray."
We -- We've always had Lily with us in the past,
but we are on a crusade to make her more independent,
so when she got an invite to a party, we sort of, uh --
- RSVP'd for her. - Yeah.
But you know what? It's gonna be good for
her to socialize with people her age,
and good for us to socialize with people half our age.
It's like you were touched by a gay-ngel.
And you said we would never wear
the groomsmen shoes from Pepper's wedding again.
Just a second, young lady.
W-We're very happy you're going to this party tonight,
but, uh, isn't this costume a little, uh, suggestive?
This is my actual cheerleading outfit.
You guys know I'm doing that, right?
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Totally.
是啊 是啊 当然啦 肯定知道啦
We should have known that, right?
Oh, Joe, you're home early?
I got a surprise for --
Look, I know you breastfed until you could stand,
but aren't you a little old to be trick-or-treating?
This isn't for Halloween.
I'm in final rehearsals for my one-man show
"Sigmund Freud: Here Ego Again."
I've saved you four seats, but if you need more --
So, what's the surprise?
Well, it's kind of a Joe thing.
You know, he's out trick-or-treating with his friends.
I-I'll wait till he comes home to show it to him.
Hmm, playing favorites with your sons,
perhaps unconsciously repeating the cycle
your own father perpetuated on --
You know, one ticket's gonna be good enough.
Is it cold in here, or is it just me
because I am the frozen lady from "Frozen"?
Why aren't you wearing your costume?
Let it go, Gloria. Let it go.
"随它吧" 歌洛莉亚 随它吧
But you said that since Joe was out with Devon's family
that we were going to do something fun together.
Yes, fun. Have a Scotch,
对 找乐子 喝杯威士忌
put that mutant spider costume on Stella --
Fine, I'll go meet Mitch and Cam by myself.
But you're gonna miss Joe's reaction
when I give him my big surprise!
It's just a candy bar!
18 months ago, in an underreported news event,
NagaSnacki Food Solutions
discontinued the greatest candy bar of all time.
After an exhaustive search --
...I tracked down this beauty.
Now my son can experience the kind of quality confection
our generation grew up with.
I am a Gen X. Don't make me a Boomer.
Something horrible happened to me last weekend.
I'll just have the...
Very good. And for your husband?
Oh, no, no. He's my husband.
That's what he said.
The day I have dreaded finally came --
people assume that I am Jay's...
You kids have fun!
Manny. What are you doing?
Saving your house from being egged.
You're all out of treats.
Luckily I found a candy bar to give away.
My Fudgy Duddy's gone!
Hello there. Uh, two for "Texas Chainsaw Massacre."
Sorry, that sold out weeks ago.
Which should've been updated on our website, Bernard!
But we still have seats
for that super scary Japanese film.
- Yes! - Uh, pause.
How scary? How Japanese?
I think the literal translation is
"Make Dead with Old-Face Baby."
- Two, please. - No, um...
Come on, honey, you promised me a good scare.
拜托 亲爱的 你答应我要看恐怖电影的
Great. I'm so scared.
You don't think I can tell when you're faking it?
"Oh, Phil, mmm. It's so good."
I know you hated my gumbo.
Uh, I'm having a hard time in there.
I -- I came to see a movie I'd already seen.
Knew where all the jump scares were.
Could you tell me where the big ones are for this one?
Sorry, dude. Haven't seen it.
抱歉 哥们儿 我还没看过
He's behind the door.
He's behind the door.
Something is wrong with you!
Wow. This place has changed.
It used to be so much...
Straight people always take our best stuff.
First, they came for our brunches, and I said nothing.
一开始 他们抢我们的早午餐 我没说什么
Oh, hey -- hey, Norm! Hey, Denise!
嘿 诺姆 丹妮斯
I...don't think we can say that.
Wait. I-I-Isn't Lily at a party at your house?
- Yeah. - That you're chaperoning?
That was the plan, but then a bunch of older kids showed up,
so we figured they'd be fine.
It's okay. I'm a girl.
Okay, older kids, no adults.
好吧 大孩子 没有成年人
Okay, where are we on the panic scale?
Thank you for saving me from a night
of listening to Jay talk about his Fudgy Buddy.
Sorry. We just found out Lily is at an unsupervised party.
Oh, you want me to check her Insta?
Lily -- Lily has Insta?
What, you think I'm too old to have Insta?
Okay, I-I want to hear all about what you're going through,
right after we figure out --
- I found her! - Okay.
- And looks like she's having fun. - Okay.
Who is this cute boy next to her?
Can you turn it ar--
Okay, that's Garth. I -- I've never trusted him.
I saw him buying deodorant when he was 9.
- Okay, I'm... - Don't just stand there!
- I'm going to call her! - Call her!
I didn't think it was gonna be so cold tonight.
I'm sorry if I seem off.
It's just that lately,
people have been mistaking me for a much older --
Excuse me, ma'am. Are you lost?
I can't find my friends.
Oh, what a nice young man.
Perhaps this candy bar represents your lost innocence?
It represents delicious chocolate.
You're sure you gave this to a Spider-Man?
You know, it's also hard to ignore
that this object you seek has a phallic shape --
Why did I talk you out of that mime major?
Spidey -- 11:00.
Spider-Man! Hold up!
I'm not Spider-Man, okay? I'm Deadpool.
It's a totally different character.
Look, before I realized
it was a symbol of this man's mortality,
I accidentally gave you some candy bar --
Not "some" candy bar, a Fudgy Duddy.
Look, you kids should know about this.
There was a famous commercial back in the '70s,
first time on TV a girl touched a baseball.
It's got a red and blue wrapper with a --
Oh, yeah, I remember.
It looked gross, so I gave it to my mom.
She just left to go to that festival in West Hollywood.
She's kind of shy, loves animals --
No, her costume.
Oh. She's dressed as Martha Stewart.
Ironic, since I had cereal for dinner.
Come with me. I need you.
For emotional support?
I hope this doesn't sound too mushy, but...
I really love hooking up with you.
Well, I hate to think
I'm pulling you away from some Halloween fun.
You know, partying with your more...youthful friends.
Hush, silly Janice.
If I was interested in youthful things,
would I be here with you?
Aww, babe. You have no idea how much I've missed you.
I think I have some idea.
Bill's been away fighting a forest fire for weeks.
He called me once to say he missed me,
so I sent him a pic of me in a cute outfit.
I expected "Wow" or a fire emoji.
"Send more boobs"?
I'm not mad, but I don't want to make it a habit
Wait. You actually sent boob pics?
Yeah. How much smoke did you inhale?
This isn't my number, Alex.
It's the one you called from.
Because my phone died.
So I borrowed Creepy Craig's.
You sent Creepy Craig a naked photo?
Oh, my God! There's, like, 11?!
You think I'm as pervy as Creepy Craig?
I don't know Creepy Craig!
Well, he knows you!
You really think I would disrespect you like that?
What else did "I" ask for?
Oh, my God. Are you outside?
You know, I've always worried
that maybe we were just too different,
but the fact that you think I'm capable of writing
"Do butt now -- hit with magazine"?
This isn't working, Alex.
Can you at least ask Craig to delete those?
I think you know how to reach him!
Trust me, I've had enough Halloween mischief
I'm ready for this now.
You are such a mature person.
I can't even imagine you as a wild child.
Five years ago, we hit this one house.
The family was always calling the cops on us
for lighting off fireworks.
Standard stuff --
TP, sugar in the gas tank --
but then I noticed they had
like 20 of those stupid garden gnomes.
- Oh, my God. - I know, so douchey.
-天啊 -就是啊 什么老太婆品味
So we posed them having sex, rang the doorbell,
and then when they opened the door, we blew them up.
Are you not getting it?
It's kind of subtle, so --
But...you live in a condo.
Years ago, my husband's father died
and left us his antique gnome collection.
Marty wanted to keep them in the house.
They soothed him, he said.
'Cause the constant fireworks
were always triggering his PTSD.
So, I insisted he put his sole inheritance outside,
where you blew them up.
I was supposed to meet him at couples therapy.
But I didn't make it 'cause my car died.
So I missed the appointment.
He went for a coffee,
fell in love with the barista,
and now I am living in a condo,
dating a friggin' child!
This may be a bad time to mention it, but...
I don't have enough money for the valet.
Lily is still not answering. Did you track her location?
Uh, yeah. It says that she's at our house?
Do you think she took that boy home?
Of course she did!
An empty house, all those Anita Baker records.
It's the sexiest place in town.
We have to get home!
Okay, it's gonna take us an hour just to get out of here.
No, no, we can save ourselves 20 minutes
just by cutting through this maze.
No! No. I-I hate those things.
Mitchell, we basically forced our daughter
into the arms of a hormonal teen.
was it because we wanted more independence for her
Now, try to have some backbone.
I'm-I'm-I'm right here. Okay?
And just remember, this is for our daughter.
I know it makes me seem shallow,
but he had such a crazy body!
How am I supposed to go back to nerd butts?
No matter what I'd need, it'd be right there in her purse --
Band-Aids, wet wipes, raisins.
创可贴 湿巾 葡萄干
Because sometimes I'm not angry.
You know what she's not gonna find in that purse?
Someone better than you.
- Really? - Yeah.
You can do better than --
I'm forgetting her name right now, so Molly's mom.
You know, I'm not just saying it because you said it,
but I never thought Bill was good enough for you.
You deserve someone smart and curious.
Be honest, didn't you get sick of him saying
"I bet I can jump over that" every time he walked outside?
We don't need them, right?
we won't remember either one of them.
Janice was into some really weird stuff.
What about her? Is that a Martha Stewart?
I-I think that's Princess Di.
Jay, you have to prepare yourself.
We may not find your candy bar.
We've stopped four Martha Stewarts,
two Dog the Bounty Hunters, and the real Judith Light.
How nice was she, by the way?
Yeah, class act. Keep looking.
是啊 落落大方 接着找
How many times have I told you not to shout "Mom"
when you're dressed like an old man?
Including now? Once.
I'm sorry. I'm not mad at you.
I'm mad at Mitch and Cam for leaving me here
and the mean Boy Scout that made me feel so old.
Sweetie, you look delicious!
You're dancing with us right now.
Look what I found on the ground.
Do you want to talk about it?
No! I don't want to seem like a sad sack.
What is it about this candy?
It just tasted like summer or something,
But out with the old, in with the new.
Candy bars come and go.
No more record stores.
6-year-old sons too grown up
to go trick-or-treating with their dads.
Are you that bummed that
Joe didn't want to spend Halloween with you?
No! It's just the beginning of the whole thing, ya know?
不 那只是一个阶段的开始 你懂吗
When you-when you break that seal...
Look, I know Joe wanted to be with his friends tonight,
but he'll definitely want to spend another Halloween with his dad.
How do you know that?
Kids have a way of coming back.
Even if they have to... make up a dumb reason to do it.
Happy Halloween, kid.
Wait, this is a delicate moment.
We could scar her if we don't handle it right.
God, I know that's true.
My first kiss was terrible.
My mom walked in on me with this girl.
I can still hear my mom scream to my dad,
"I told you he wasn't!"
Well, mine was worse.
It's not a competition.
My dad found me in a barn
open-mouth kissing a tackling dummy.
Okay, so, gentle, but firm.
Sweetie, is-is everything okay?
It's nothing. Go away.
Honey, did-did a boy pressure you
to do something you didn't want to do?
D-Did a girl pressure you into doing something --
Oh, my God! Can you adopt a second child
to take some of this off of me?!
Honey -- Honey, we -- we just want to help, okay?
亲爱 亲爱的 我们只是想帮帮你
We're -- We're afraid that maybe we pushed you
into going to that party before you were ready.
Look, I thought this boy really liked me,
but he was just using me to get to my friend Kelly.
- Kelly? Ew, she's gross! - Yeah.
-凯利吗 她很辣鸡啊 -对啊
No, she isn't. She's my friend.
She's not you. And anyone who would pick her over --
Of course you'd say that. You're my dad.
I'm sorry, there's nothing that you could say that would help.
You're not a girl, you're not 12.
What would you know about liking a boy
who doesn't like you back?
I'm gonna get us some ice cream.
Okay, come here, come here.
好啦 你过来 你过来
Honey, you can't be mad
that I wasn't scared by that movie.
It had three rows of teeth!
Look, it's not your fault.
It's just that, next to you, I feel like such a wuss.
Just because you get a little
bit squirrelly in a movie doesn't make you --
Wait, hang on. Why are we crossing the street?
Our house is right down --
Wait a minute, you're not
afraid of the little old lady's house, are you?
You don't know she's little!
All we know is she sits up there
plotting evil from her window.
She's always there!
We're gonna go knock on that door,
and put an end to this nuttiness.
Well, that's weird timing.
The envelope Alex dropped off.
The -- The old lady never picked it up.
Oh, God. Phil, what if she fell?
天啊 菲尔 她摔倒了可怎么办
We should go check on her.
I am, uh, right behind you.
I'm just gonna go find a flashlight.
It was simplicity itself.
A year ago, Claire accused me for the millionth time
that I couldn't scare her, so I came up with a plan.
I'd just sold a house to a European couple
that weren't gonna take possession for a while,
so, uh, last fall, "Ida Mae" moved in.
She's always up there!
Fortunately, the house was right on Claire's jogging route,
so it was easy to introduce Claire to Ida Mae,
and when I wanted to amp it up,
I had Ida Mae make contact.
Then, this morning...
I knew that ax wouldn't scare Claire.
I just did that so she'd accuse me
of not being able to scare her.
It's all about plausibility.
Over the past year,
Ida Mae joined the neighborhood association,
hung up a poster for her lost dog,
signed up for Meals on Wheels.
They're not bad, by the way.
Also, she got a lot of knitting done.
Oh, I'm sorry, Claire.
- You did this? - Yep.
How long have you planned this --
11 months, two weeks, and three days ago,
I gave birth to Ida Mae Mann.
Because I da main man.
Oh, don't you dare do word play, Phil.
I was having so much fun!
- What? - I was wondering what we were gonna do
for the next 30 years of our lives
without the kids in the house.
And now I know --
you're getting twisted, and I like it.
"Game on"? What do you mean "Game on"?
It's -- It's game over.
Watch your back, buddy.
This is gonna be so much fun.
Can't we just travel?
Where'd your mom go?
I really needed this today.
Hey, that's my wife!
Sure! Sweet heart. Like you could get that.
想得美啊 宝贝儿 癞蛤蟆也想吃天鹅肉
No, no, no. That is my husband.
不 不是的 他真是我老公
Does she know that...
No, and we are never gonna tell her.