摩登家庭 第十一季 Modern Family Season 11 第8集: A Perfect Match

上映日期: 2,019

语言: 英语

影片类型: 喜剧 / 爱情

导演: 盖尔·曼库索 / 斯蒂文·莱维坦

演员: 艾德·奥尼尔 / 索菲娅·维加拉 / 朱丽·鲍温 / 泰·布利尔 / 杰西·泰勒·弗格森 / 艾瑞克·斯通斯崔特 / 里克·罗德里格兹 / 诺兰·古德 / 萨拉·海蓝德 / 阿芮尔·温特 / 奥布里·


台词
Honey, what are you doing?
亲爱的 你在干什么
I just saw this incredible telekinesis video.
我看了一个超赞的有关念力的视频
I'm trying to make a piece of bacon levitate.
我在努力让一片培根浮在空中
Don't you have to, I don't know, work?
话说 你不需要工作吗
m 211 -8 b b b 26 29 26 26 26 24 l 26 -2 b 26 -4 26 -6 31 -8
m 211 -8 b b b 26 29 26 26 26 24 l 26 -2 b 26 -4 26 -6 31 -8
Are you saying it'll never happen?
你是说我永远不可能成功吗
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m 50 0 l 179 0 b b b 21 228 0 208 0 179 l 0 50 b 0 21 21 0 50 0
b
原创翻译 双语字幕
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Is there perhaps a more colorful way of saying that?
就没有更委婉美好的说法吗
I know you're trying to get me to say
我知道你是想让我说
b 14 12 14 6 14 6 b 14 6 14 0 19 -1
m 200 -1 l 200 13 l 19 13 b 14 12 14 6 14 6 b 14 6 14 0 19 -1
"It'll happen when pigs fly."
"等猪飞起来也就成了"
翻译 @少年影视派 油腻希
That counts.
这也算吧
What?
什么
Oh, my gosh!
天啊
翻译 洗七里 过关斩将赛玉琳
Good morning, Earth mates.
早上好 地球同胞们
Morning, Farr--
早上好 法...
Oh, my lower back is killing me.
我的下背部疼死了
校对 新浪微博@赛太公
Has anyone seen my healing crystal?
有谁看到我的治愈水晶了吗
That may be the only thing of yours we haven't seen.
那可能是我们唯一没见到的你的"东西"了
时间轴 三水
Dylan's mom, Farrah, came to see the babies,
迪兰的妈妈法拉过来看宝宝
and then she found out that her polyamorous quad
然后她发现她的四角关系
后期 烦躁不安的瓜瓜
was downgraded to a triad.
被降格成了三角关系
Now we're stuck with her.
现在我们摊上她甩不掉了
总监 生无可恋瓜
Polyamory. Can you imagine?
四角啊 浮想联翩 你能想象吗
No.
不能
She needs to go.
她必须赶紧滚
家 庭
摩 登
第十一季 第八集
Farrah! Farrah!
法拉 法拉
‭Farrah!
法拉
Do you have to do that right here?
你非得在这里干这个吗
Oh, I am so sorry.
很抱歉
I didn't realize you wanted it
我没意识到你希望
to keep flooding in the Philippines.
菲律宾一直洪水泛滥呢
I don't want it to keep flooding in the Philippines, Claire.
我不希望菲律宾一直洪水泛滥 克莱尔
- It's okay. I'll just go in the other room. - ‭Great.
-没事 我换个房间 -好极了
It's Jerry. I can't.
是杰瑞 我不能接
It's gonna be 45 minutes about how much he misses Mom
他肯定会唠叨45分钟 说他有多想念妈妈
and then some overshare about their sex life.
然后透露过多关于他们性生活的私密内容
Claire, he's family.
克莱尔 他是家人
Jerry.
杰瑞
How are you?
你还好吗
Yeah.
是啊
No, I know. We miss her, too.
不 我懂 我们也很想她
The babies are great.
宝宝们都很好
Yeah, constantly exploring,
是啊 不断地在探索这个世界
always sticking their fingers in everything.
总是把手指伸进各种地方
Oh, whoa, yeah, what a --
天啊 那可真是...
what a fun image of my late mother-in-law.
真是关于我已故岳母的有趣画面
Really?
真的吗
Let me just -- Let me just check to see if we're gonna be around.
我看看我们到时候在不在
Jerry is following the butterfly migration to Mexico
杰瑞要沿着蝴蝶迁徙路线去墨西哥
and wants to stop by tomorrow to say hi.
他想明天过来跟我们打个招呼
No way. Make up an excuse.
不可能 赶快编个借口
I'm a terrible liar.
我很不擅长撒谎
Tough.
那可糟了
The last thing we need around here is another hippie kook.
家里绝对不能再多个嬉皮怪人了
Oh, it finally happened. I'm my father.
这一天终于来了 我变成跟我爸一样的人了
Oh, my goddesses, there you are.
天啊 你在这儿啊
Oh, Claire, would you be comfortable
克莱尔 你愿意
rubbing this just above my buttocks
用这个在我的屁股上方来回擦几次吗
while I offer up a Tibetan pain chant?
我要唱一曲西藏疼痛赞歌
Doesn't sound like me.
那听上去不像我会做的事
But I might know someone who could help you out.
但我或许认识个人能帮到你
Honestly, Jerry, it's that, uh...
说实话 杰瑞 那个...
Claire and I have -- have hit a rough patch.
克莱尔和我最近很不顺
She's been huffing... cans of whipped cream.
她已经吃了...好几罐生奶油了
I mean...
我是说...
Help me.
快搭救我
Underneath our bed
我们的床下
looks like backstage at a pie-eating contest.
简直就像吃馅饼大赛的后台
- Invite him here. - What?
-邀请他过来 -什么
Just get him here as fast as you can. Come on.
尽快把他弄过来 快点
Uh, actually, Jerry, everything's fine.
实际上 杰瑞 一切都好
Claire just agreed to seek help.
克莱尔刚刚同意寻求医生的帮助了
See you tomorrow.
明天见
What the hell was that?
刚刚是怎么回事
Jerry's lonely, Farrah's lonely,
杰瑞很寂寞 法拉也很寂寞
they both glom onto us.
他们都来烦我们
We set them up, they'll glom onto each other,
我们给他们牵线搭桥 他们就可以烦彼此了
and then she can bang his drum.
让他用"鼓棒"慢慢敲她的"鼓"吧
My beautiful genius.
我美丽的天才
Oop, sorry. Hold on.
抱歉 等一下
‭Now I just have to find someone to set you up with.
现在只差帮你也找个奇葩搭伙了
Oh, breaking out the good stuff, huh?
要把好东西拿来招待客人了吗
Well, you know what?
你知道吗
We're finally close friends with a lesbian couple,
我们终于跟一对拉拉情侣成为密友了
and -- and I -- I want them to feel as special to us
我希望她们能感到被我们珍惜
as if they were real gays.
就好像她们是真正的同性恋一样
Cam, they're just as gay as we are.
小卡 她们"同"的程度跟我们一模一样
Okay, hold on. One moment.
稍等 马上就好
- Bink! - ‭Okay, well, as I am.
-好了 -跟我差不多 没你这么"同"
Okay. ‭
好了
- Hi. - Oh, my gosh.
-嗨 -天啊
You guys are such a cute family.
你们真是超有爱的一家
Oh, gosh, that picture.
天啊 那张照片
That was taken at an amusement park.
那是在一个游乐场拍的
That's not the real Bigfoot.
那并非真正的大脚怪
"Real Bigfoot,"
"真正的大脚怪"
- Oh, my God. You're so funny. - Yeah. Sure. Okay.
-天啊 你真是太搞笑了 -好吧 那行
Let's go with "He was making a joke."
就当"他是在开玩笑"吧
So, you guys, speaking of families...
话说 说到家庭...
We're thinking of starting one of our own.
我们也想组建个家庭
- Amazing. - Congratulations.
-太棒了 -恭喜
Oh, how are you gonna do it? What's the plan?
你们打算怎么做 有什么计划
Actually, we wanted to ask you something about that.
实际上 我们正想找你们取取"经"呢
Eh, there comes a point in every gay man's life
每个基佬人生中的某一刻
when a lesbian couple asks him for his sperm.
都会遇到拉拉妇妇向他寻求精子
- Unless you're Mitchell and me. ‭- Yeah.
-除非你是米奇和我 -是啊
All of our friends have been asked,
我们所有的朋友们都被人找过
while we have been cruelly overlooked.
而我们却被残忍地无视了
It's painful.
心好痛
It's like not getting picked to play kickball.
那就像未被选中去玩踢球
Well, that never happened to me.
我倒是从没遇到过这种情况
I was my kickball team's captain.
我曾是踢球队的队长
Well, only after our star broke his leg and had to be put down.
不过那是在大球星伤了腿 不得不被安乐死后
- He was a -- - ‭A mule.
-它是... -一头驴子
From a mile away.
早猜到了
Go ahead. Ask us anything.
来吧 想问什么都行
Well, you know we think the world of you guys.
你知道我们对你们的评价很高
- Yes? - ‭And we, you.
-是吗 -我们对你们也一样
First of all,
首先
would you judge us if we didn't adopt?
如果我们不领养 你们会对我们有看法吗
Is that selfish?
那很自私吗
- Um, no. - ‭No.
-不会 -当然不会
Oh, that's such a relief.
真让人松了一口气
Now, the next step
接下来的一步
is finding someone who can --
就是找一个...
Donate?
捐精的人
Yes.
没错
You know, we don't want anyone involved financially or otherwise,
我们不希望跟对方有经济上或别的牵扯
so we were just thinking of going to the sperm bank.
所以我们打算去找精子银行
That's a good option,
那是个好的选择
but make sure the janitors are handsome,
但一定要确保门卫很帅
because, you know, they have the keys to everything.
因为他们有进入任何地方的钥匙
Well, we also thought about asking my brother.
我们还考虑过用我哥哥的精子
Oh, you don't want to go down that road.
你不会想选择这个方向的
It's too complicated.
太复杂了
"My daddy, my uncle, my daddy, my uncle."
"是爸爸 又是舅舅 是爸爸 又是舅舅"
It's "Chinatown."
简直是电影《唐人街》的翻版
Yeah, you want someone that --
没错 你们最好找一个
you know, with a little distance,
不那么亲近的人
that you know and -- and trust.
你们认识 且熟悉
Who's attractive and healthy.
长得帅气 身体健康
And who hasn't had mental illness in their family
家族里至少一代半
in at least a generation and a half.
没有精神疾病
Well, that's the dream.
那真如美梦一般
Well, dreams can come true.
美梦也是可以成真的
Oh, my God. Thank you, guys.
天啊 谢谢你们
No, thank you.
不 是谢谢你们
If you think of someone, will you let us know? ‭
如果你们想到了合适的人 能告诉我们一声吗
- Lesbians. - Lesbians.
-死拉拉 -死拉拉
Here's your cappuccino.
这是你的卡布奇诺
None for me.
我就不喝了
I don't need to be sharp to experience
我不需要精神抖擞地体会
the empty void that is life without Sherry Shaker.
生活没有雪莉·桃久奇后的空虚
What are these little drawings in the milk?
牛奶里拉的这画是什么
That's me staring out a window.
是我凭窗远眺的画面
I made the stars with my tears.
那些星星是用我的眼泪做的
Ay, papi, if you can survive me driving three blocks
宝贝 如果你能够在我开了三个街区后
with you on the roof of my car,
才发现你在我车顶且活下来
you can survive this.
那这次你也能撑过去
When did that happen?
那是几时发生的
It wasn't gonna work out with Sherry anyway.
你跟雪莉本来就不会有好结果
She's Canadian.
她是加拿大人
They have ducks on their money.
他们钱币上印着鸭子
They sell milk in a bag.
牛奶装在袋子里卖
I'll be in my room if anyone needs me.
有需要再来我房间找我吧
Who am I kidding? No one needs me.
我骗谁呢 根本没人需要我
Ay, papi, these things have a way of working out.
宝贝 失恋这种事会自己拨乱反正的
I promise.
我保证
You promise?
你保证
What did you do?
你干了什么好事
I called in a favor.
我找了人帮忙
Luke!
卢克
Again? I thought we were even.
又来 我们不是扯平了吗
I need you to do something for Manny.
我要你为曼尼做一件事
It'll mean the world to him.
那对他非常重要
Okay, I guess.
行吧
I want you to go to Sherry's improv show,
我要你去雪莉的即兴表演
talk him up to her.
对她说曼尼的好话
I want her to regret breaking up with him.
我要她后悔跟他分手了
No. Not that.
不 绝对不行
Anything but improv.
唯独即兴表演不行
Improv is no different than getting waterboarded.
即兴表演和被施水刑没什么区别
Just stay calm,
你只要保持冷静
go to a pleasant place in your mind,
心里想着让你快乐的地方
and remember that you're not actually dying.
并且谨记你不是真的快死了
Fine. I'll do it.
好吧 我去
Good boy.
乖孩子
Go back to sleep.
继续睡吧
Why'd you bring a crowbar?
你为什么带撬棍来
No reason.
没原因呀
Gloria, we should not be involved.
歌洛莉亚 我们不该插手
You know what my dad always said to me
你知道我每次失意时
every time I was down?
我爸都对我说什么吗
Nothing.
什么都不说
I learned to figure everything out on my own.
我学会独自解决所有问题
This is your least attractive quality.
这是你最缺乏魅力的特质
Where is your empathy?
你的同理心呢
I have empathy.
我有同理心啊
That's the one where you care about people, right?
就是关心在乎别人的意思 对吧
You don't go out of your way for anyone.
你不愿意为任何人付出
Yes, I do.
我愿意啊
You remember that little valet at the club?
你记得俱乐部那个泊车小弟吗
If I hadn't got him fired,
如果我没有害他被炒鱿鱼
he'd still be moving everybody's seats up.
他现在还在帮人移座椅靠背呢
Okay, here we go.
来啦
Some apricot jam from an old family recipe.
家传秘方的杏子酱
Not that you would be interested in any of my family recipes.
虽然你们对我的"家传秘方"不会有兴趣
Is everything okay?
出什么事了吗
Uh -- Uh -- Why don't you want us to be your donor?
你们为什么不想选我们当捐精者
It's okay. Just say it.
没关系 直说了吧
- You're put off by my red hair. - Or is it his freckles?
-你们反感我的红发 -还是讨厌他的雀斑
- Or my tendency to burn. - Or is it his --
-还是因为我容易晒伤 -或是因为他的...
- Can this one please be about you? - Yeah, yeah.
-你就不能说个你的缺点吗 -行吧
Wait, are you saying that you would donate for us?
等等 你们意思是愿意捐精给我们吗
Honestly, we would love that,
老实说 我们很希望这样
but we were afraid to put you on the spot,
但又怕让你们为难
and we didn't think you'd say yes.
而且我们以为你们不会答应
- Oh -- Well, of -- of course we'd say yes! - We adore you!
-我们当然会答应啊 -我们很喜欢你们
Oh! Molly, I think we just found our daddy.
莫莉 我们好像找到孩子的爸爸了
- Oh, my God. - Okay.
-天啊 -太好了
Okay, so, which one of us do you want?
那你们想要我们中的哪一个
I don't know. We haven't even had a chance
我不知道 我们都还没机会
- to think about it. - Yeah.
-考虑这个 -是啊
Well, would it be helpful if we, you know, walked around
要不要我们绕场一圈
so you could take us in from shoulder to shank?
让你们欣赏一下我们 从肩部到小腿
It's not the county fair.
这又不是在县集市卖猪
Alright, well, maybe we'll just go outside
好吧 那要不我们出去外面
and, I don't know, kick something?
踢点什么 看看腿劲儿
Or -- Or we could do a puzzle?
或者我们比赛拼拼图
Or we could spell Connecticut?
或是看谁会拼写"康涅狄格州"
Why don't you guys just decide?
不如你们俩决定吧
We're -- We're happy either way.
我们要哪个都行
Shouldn't be a problem.
应该没问题
Oh, good, you're both here.
很好 你们俩都在家
Listen, I was thinking about yesterday,
听着 我思考了昨天的事
how upset you are,
你很难过
and how you say I don't care about people's feelings,
你也说我不关心别人的感受
so check this out.
所以看好了
Brandi, get in here.
布兰蒂 进来吧
I'm not done with my cigarette!
我还没抽完烟
What did you do?
你干了什么好事
I was trying to figure a way
我之前一直在想
how to help Manny to move on,
如何能帮曼尼走出失恋阴影
and all of a sudden, I met this little angel.
突然之间 我就遇到了这位小天使
Brandi?
白兰蒂
Hold on!
等等啦
The best part's right at the filter!
靠近滤嘴那部分才最够味儿啊
You're gonna love her.
你们会喜欢她的
She runs towels at the car wash.
她在洗车店负责管理抹布
- Why did you encourage this? - N--
-你为什么支持他乱来 -我没...
Hey, now, why settle for Sherry
明明还有"白兰地"
when you can have a little Brandi?
何必单恋"雪莉酒"
I'll admit, that's good.
我承认 这双关挺机智
Holy
我勒个大操
This house!
这房子太屌了
So, this is how come you can afford the lava wax.
难怪你能付得起火山岩打蜡
Brandi, this is my wife, Gloria,
白兰蒂 这是我妻子歌洛莉亚
and this stud is my son, Manny.
这猛男是我儿子曼尼
Brandi, I'm sure you're very nice,
白兰蒂 你一定是个好女孩
but I'm dealing with losing the love of my life,
但我才刚失去一生挚爱 还没走出来
and I just need some time. ‭
我还需要点时间
I know what you're going through, honey.
我懂你现在的心情 亲
My man saw "Free Solo"
我男人看了《徒手攀岩》电影
and tried to scale the local bank.
就决定去攀登本地银行这座高山
He died doing what he loved --
他为做他最热爱的事而死
daring the cops to shoot him.
就是挑衅警察敢不敢开枪打他
Jay, should I scream at you here,
杰 我是在这里臭骂你呢
or should we do it in the kitchen?
还是去厨房臭骂你
I could go for a little snack.
我正好想吃点零食啦
Uh, listen, you guys get to know each other.
听着 你们先彼此熟悉一下
Manny, offer her a drink at the bar.
曼尼 去吧台给她调杯饮料
You got anything with cinnamon?
有含肉桂的吗
I'm not particular.
我这人不挑 什么都行
What were you thinking
你想什么呢
bringing a girl like that here?
居然带这种女孩来家里
What are you talking about?
你说什么胡话呢
Brandi's a ton of fun. ‭
白兰蒂可有意思了
Oh, sure, maybe you don't bring her home to Mom.
当然了 也许她不是带回家见妈妈的类型
That's literally what you did.
你不就是带她回家见妈了吗
I hope that that's her parole officer.
希望敲门的是她的假释官
Ah, Luke!
卢克
What a surprise!
真是惊喜耶
How did your talk with Sherry go?
你和雪莉谈得怎么样
Not well.
不太顺利
What do you mean?
什么意思
Did you mention to her that Manny was retweeted
你有没有告诉她《房产兄弟大挑战》其中一个兄弟
加拿大一档真人秀
by one of the Property Brothers?
转发了曼尼的推特
Yeah, I brought that up.
有 我提了这事
And what did she say?
她怎么说
Uh, does she miss him?
她想念他吗
Will she take him back?
她愿意和他复合吗
- I don't think so. - Why not?
-我看不会了 -为什么
Well, we kind of...
我们...
kissed.
接吻了
What?
什么
Well, the Brandi plan's
找白兰蒂来这招
looking pretty good right now, huh?
现在看来很不错 对吧
Hello, family.
家人们好啊
Oh. Hi, Jerry. Welcome. How are you?
杰瑞 欢迎 你好吗
‭Sorry. I would've knocked, but you know I abhor violence.
抱歉 我本想敲门的 但你们也知道我痛恨暴力
Oh sorry,
抱歉
I was grinding polenta for our lunch.
我午饭时磨杂粮煮粥来着
My arm's kinda tender.
所以胳膊有点酸痛
Polenta elbow is a real thing.
真有"杂粮粥肘"这种病
Marianne Williamson was the only candidate
玛丽安·威廉姆森是唯一一个
民主党总统候选人 心灵指引畅销书作家 无从政经验
with the guts to talk about it.
有勇气谈论此事的总统候选人
So, Jer, how you doing?
杰瑞 你过得还好吗
I'm hanging in there.
坚持挺住呗
Very happy to see you both.
见到你们俩我很高兴
But the truth is, Claire, in this light,
但事实就是 克莱尔 在这灯光下
you're reminding me so much of your mother.
你看起来真像你母亲
- Well, it's the hair. - ‭Same neck.
-是因为发型吧 -因为颈纹
Oh, you must be Jerry.
你就是杰瑞吧
I'm Dylan's mom, Farrah.
我是迪兰的妈妈 法拉
How wonderful to meet you.
很高兴认识你
Full disclosure -- I'm a hugger.
我就直说了 我喜欢拥抱
I'm sorry, I'm not very comfortable with that,
抱歉 拥抱让我不自在
because I'm a kisser.
因为我喜欢亲亲
Oh, what a lovely necklace.
这项链真漂亮
Well, thank you.
谢谢
It was made from the wreckage of a Japanese whaling ship.
这是日本捕鲸船的残骸做的
How can the same people that gave us the haiku
为世人献上俳句的民族
want to hunt such a graceful creature?
居然忍心捕杀这么优雅的生灵
Uh, well, I can guarantee
我可以保证
that absolutely no vegetables were harmed
在制作这份沙拉的过程中
in the making of this salad.
没有蔬菜受到伤害
Actually, Claire, it's been proven that plants feel pain.
克莱尔 其实科学已经证明植物也有痛觉
Yes, they scream when you rip them from the ground.
是的 从地里拔出来时它们会惨叫
Oh, um, then you're gonna hate
那这些葡萄的遭遇
what happened to these grapes.
肯定会让你们很痛心
That's okay. They're drunk.
没关系 它们都醉了
Well, it is such a nice day outside.
今天天气可真好
Why don't the two of you enjoy your wine in the backyard
不如你们两个去后院品酒
while we finish setting up in here?
这里交给我们布置
What a lovely idea.
多美好的想法
Oh, Farrah, did you know
法拉 你知道吗
that Jerry is following the butterfly migration?
杰瑞正在追随蝴蝶迁徙
All the way to Méjico?
一直追随到墨西哥吗
I'm gonna spend the winter and spring
整个冬天和春天
hammock camping in the Sierra Chincua sanctuary.
我都会在钦夸山脉保护区吊床露营
That is one of my favorite places on this Earth.
那是我在地球上最爱的地方之一
- Oh, you've been there? - Not in ages,
-你去过吗 -许久没去过了
but I would love to visit in this life.
但我真想在这一世去看看
This is going so much better than we even hoped!
进展得比我们希望的还顺利
It's so weird. Jerry has such a type.
太诡异了 杰瑞就喜欢那个类型的
I mean, Farrah and my mom are the --
法拉和我妈简直
My mom. She's in the backyard.
我妈 她在后院
Ohhhh, right.
对了
Oh, God.
老天
Um, I don't know what happened.
我不知道是怎么回事
It's Dede.
是迪迪
How did she get here?
她怎么会在这
I thought she was at Mitchell's house.
她不是在米奇尔家吗
I don't understand.
我没听懂
My mom's ashes are fused to the roots of the tree.
我妈的骨灰和树根融合在一起了
Of course.
十分理解
Dede,
迪迪
I never would have flirted with another woman in front of you.
我永远不会当着你的面与其他女人调情
Unless it was that kind of weekend,
除非是我们的开放关系周末
like that time in Taos.
就像在陶斯那次
‭Dede needs me.
迪迪需要我
I shouldn't go anywhere.
我哪也不该去
But-But what-But what about the butterflies
可是你不去看蝴蝶了吗
and Mejico?
还有墨西哥
Claire, I can feel it.
克莱尔 我能感觉到
Your mother is in pain right now.
你母亲现在很痛苦
Are-Are we absolutely sure it's the tree?
我们能确定那是树的痛苦吗
Because I do have an eggplant parmesan under the broiler.
因为我有份奶酪茄子正在备受煎熬
I don't mean to overreact,
我不想小题大做
but I think the situation may call for some throat singing.
但我想这种情况 我们有必要喉唱一曲
Alright. Mitch. Cam.
开始吧 米奇 小卡
- Okay, I'll go first. - ‭Okay.
-好 我先说 -好
- I'm tall. - ‭Tall.
-我长得高 -高
I'm strong,
我很强壮
and I have a Matt Damon nose.
我有马特·达蒙同款鼻子
- Okay. - ‭Okay.
-得了吧 -那好
Mitchell, quick -- me or Matt Damon?
米奇尔 快说 是我还是马特·达蒙
Don't think, just answer.
别多想 快回答
- Okay, I'll give you that one. - ‭Yeah.
-好吧 这个给你写上 -当然
Um, alright, now me.
好 到我了
Perfect pitch.
完美音高
Well, what this baby needs is rhythm.
这个宝宝需要的是节奏感
And I've never had a cavity.
我一个龋齿都没有
I-I have good penmanship.
我写字好看
Well, I had an aunt that lived to 110,
我有个姨妈活到了110岁
and she smoked a pipe every day.
她还每天抽烟斗
- I'm responsible. - I'm nurturing.
-我很负责 -我很会带孩子
Okay. I'm nurturing, too.
我也很会带孩子
When Lily was a baby, I sang her to sleep every night,
莉莉还是宝宝时 我每晚都唱歌哄她睡觉
with perfect pitch.
用完美音高唱
Well, I used to look at her through the window every morning
以前每天早上送她上学后
when I would drop her off at school,
我都透过窗子看着她
until the security guard took my picture.
直到保安拍了我的照片留证
Okay, uh... you know what?
好吧 这样吧
You-You be the donor.
由你来捐
I don't think that I can have a kid in the world
我觉得我做不到身为某个孩子的父亲
and not be a part of their life.
却对孩子的生活不管不问
Oh, Mitchell, I don't think I can, either.
米奇尔 我觉得我也做不到
It would kill me to have a little button-nose beauty out there
我的美鼻孩子成为史上第一个美式足球弃踢手
kicking up a storm as the first female punter
或是第一个火箭舞蹈队男队员而名震天下
or the first male Rockette.
而我却不能相认 我会难受死的
We begged them.
还是我们求人家的
We're gonna look like such flakes.
我们会看起来特别不靠谱
They're gonna be heartbroken. How do we tell them?
他们会心碎的 我们该怎么告诉人家
We're just gonna have to be completely honest.
我们只能彻底坦白
We could tell them the microwave's been on the fritz
我们可以说微波炉出故障
and we're both sterile.
害我们不育了
Great. That. Yeah.
很好 就这么说
Okay.
好吧
It's us.
是我们
What a surprise.
好惊喜
Uh, honey? Mitch and Cam are here!
亲爱的 米奇和小卡来了
Listen, we're sorry for dropping in like this.
我们很抱歉这样冒昧上门
- Uh, but there's something we need to tell you. - Yeah.
-但有些事我们得告诉你们 -是的
What's up?
你们好吗
Okay, there-there's no easy way to say this.
这件事真的很难开口
Um...we're just not comfortable donating sperm.
我们不太能接受捐精
And-And-- You know, listen,
听我们解释
we were so flattered.
我们真的深感荣幸
But I think we just got caught up in the moment.
但我们可能只是一时上头了
Oh, we get it.
我们理解
Yeah. No problem.
是的 没关系的
- Oh, really? - It's totally fine.
-真的吗 -完全没关系
Thank you so much for letting us know.
十分感谢你们过来通知我们
You guys are the best.
你们人最好了
Oh. Oh, yeah.
当然
- Okay. - Hey, have a good one.
-那好 -祝你们今天愉快
- Sure. - Bye. Bye.
-当然 -再见
Wow, I-I can't believe how well that went.
真不敢相信这么顺利
Yeah, I know. I feel-I feel so much better.
是啊 我感觉好多了
That was...so easy.
简直太顺利了
Yeah. Yeah, like, really easy.
是啊 真的好顺利
Wait, was it too easy?
等等 过于顺利了吗
I got this.
交给我
- It's us again. - Yeah.
-我们又回来了 -是啊
Listen, um... what just happened?
刚才是怎么回事
Because we just cratered your entire family planning,
因为我们刚刚破坏了你们的整个生育计划
and all we get is a "Have a good one"?
而你们只说了句"祝我们今天愉快"
You don't seem too broken up about it.
你们好像一点也不难过
No, no, we're super-sad.
不 我们特别伤心
We're just lesbians.
我们拉拉就这样
- Oh, of course. - Okay. That's on us.
-当然 -是我们不好
- That is on... - ‭Okay.
-怪我们 -好了
Who's that?
是谁在笑
- Campbell. - No, it's not.
-是坎贝尔 -才不是
You're the one with the masculine laugh.
你才是笑起来像男人的那个
Yeah, and I'm-I'm suddenly aware
我也突然意识到
that we've been talking outside for a long time.
我们站在门外聊了好久
Do-Do you mind if we come in?
你介意我们进去坐坐吗
Yeah, no, not at all, Mitch and Cam!
完全不介意 米奇和小卡
Come on into the house!
快请进屋
Hey, Campbell!
坎贝尔
Who's-Who-Who's your hunk?
这位猛男是谁
I'm Nathan.
我是内森
Nathan.
内森
Hello, Nathan. What is...
你好 内森 这是
Champagne. What? Were you celebrating?
香槟 怎么 你们在庆祝什么吗
With a man in possession of some pretty remarkable genetics.
和一个有着非凡基因的男人
Oh, I get it.
我明白了
That's why you let us off the hook so easy.
所以我们放弃了你们也毫不在乎
You were gonna replace us.
你们本来就不打算用我们了
Okay, we're sorry.
我们很抱歉
Yes, he's gonna donate.
是的 精子会由他来捐
We did not plan this. We just met.
我们也不是计划好的 我们刚认识
- You just met?! - Just met?
-你们刚认识 -刚认识
- Where? How? How? - When? How?
-在哪 怎么认识的 -几点 怎么认识的
He was our L-Lyft driver.
他是我们的滴滴司机
Man, his car was really clean,
他的车非常干净
he made excellent conversation.
他特别会聊天
And I mean, look at him.
看看他啊
You guys get it, right?
你们明白的 对吗
That should be making babies.
这基因确实该广泛播种
Look, at least we can tell our friends that we were asked.
至少我们能告诉朋友们 有人找过我们
Yeah, and you know what?
是啊 你知道吗
Hey, second place isn't bad.
作为第二名也挺好的
- Yeah. - ‭Yeah.
-是的 -没错
Ooh, do you mind?
你介意吗
Can we get a-a picture with you
我们可以跟你合个影吗
just to show all of our friends what it took to beat us out?
让朋友看看 得多强大的对手才能打败我们
- Sure. - Sorry. Thanks.
-没问题 -麻烦了 谢谢
- Okay. - Would it help if I took off my shirt?
-来吧 -我脱掉上衣会不会更好一些
- Oh, probably, yeah. - In so many ways.
-应该吧 是啊 -好太多了
Yes, it would. Here.
绝对能帮上忙 来吧
- There is it. - Okay. ‭There --
-露出来啦 -秀出来了
Wow. There...it is.
好货亮出来了
Okay. ‭
好的
Why would you kiss Sherry?
你亲雪莉干嘛啊
I didn't mean for it to happen.
我也不是有心的
I'm not surprised.
我一点都不意外
I've seen you make out with a Mr. Potato Head.
我看你跟玩具土豆先生亲热过
It was a Mrs. Potato Head.
是土豆太太好吗
She had the bow and the girl lips.
她有蝴蝶结跟擦了口红的嘴唇
I couldn't talk to Sherry before the show,
表演开始前我没机会跟她说到话
so I had to sit through it.
所以我只能坐等
The first sketch was so bad, I tried to bail,
她的第一段演出烂透了 我本来想逃跑
but they locked the doors.
但他们把出口都锁上了
Then she walked on the stage --
当她再度走上台时
or should I say,
或者我该说是
the first octopus President walked on stage.
第一位章鱼总统走上台了
Look.
快看
She's signing eight bills at once.
她能一次签署8条法案
And I'll never run out of ink.
而且我永远不会签到笔没"墨"
Her performance was a Tour de France.
她的演出仿佛环法自行车赛
She was like a hot, girl version of my dad.
她就像是火辣女版的我爸爸
Afterwards, we kept talking, and...it just happened.
演出结束后 我们聊得很开心 然后就发生了
I'm really sorry,
我真的很抱歉
but I think I may have real feelings for her.
但我想我可能对她产生了感情
Listen to me, you're never going to see Sherry ever again.
听我说 你以后再也不许见她
I have to tell Manny the truth.
我得跟曼尼坦白
Don't you dare.
你敢
Tell me what?
坦白什么
Manny, I'm sorry, but...I kissed Sherry.
曼尼 对不起 但我... 亲了雪莉
I feel terrible about it.
我觉得很过意不去
Are you okay?
你还好吗
I will be.
我会的
After I kick your ass!
等我把你打死我就舒坦了
- Come on! - Oh, hell yeah!
-给我过来 -赞啦
Hold on, hold on!
等等 等等
Manny, violence is never the answer.
曼尼 暴力永远不能解决问题
Kid, you don't know what you're doing.
孩子 你不知道你这会造成什么后果
Uh, yes, I do.
我当然知道
I got a "Satisfactory" in Beginning Stage Combat.
我得初级武戏课可是拿了"尚可"
And action!
开演
- Come here, Luke. Luke! - No, easy, easy.
-卢克 你过来 -别这样
Whoa! Easy!
你别这样
- Easy! - How could you?!
-你冷静 -你怎么能这么对我
- Of all the women! Come on, Luke! - No! No! No! No!
-全天下那么多女人你偏去搞她 -停手停手停手
Ah! ‭No!
别打了
Enough.
够了
Now, listen, I'm sorry that you're hurting so badly,
听我说 你很伤心我也很难过
and I'm sorry that my plan to help you move on
我让你走出那段感情的计划很失败
was a disaster.
我也很抱歉
But you're a good guy with a big heart,
但你是个有广阔胸襟的好男人
and you're gonna find the right person,
你会找到真命天女的
I promise you.
我向你保证
And you... it was big of you
而你呢 你勇敢
to want to tell Manny the truth to his face.
跑来跟曼尼面对面坦白做得很棒
- Thanks. - But you crossed a line.
-谢谢 -但你越界了
You put yourself in front of your family,
你只想到自己而辜负了家人
and you hurt a guy who loves you like a brother.
你还伤了一个视你如手足的男人
You disappointed the hell out of me.
你这么做让我非常失望
I'm gonna ask you to leave.
我得请你离开了
I'm sorry, Manny.
对不起 曼尼
Sorry, papi.
别难过了 宝贝
I think I need to be alone for a while.
我可能得麻烦你让我独处一会儿了
I understand.
我理解
Just remember, Manny,
曼尼 你要记得
I'm there for you whenever there's a rainy day.
当你碰到雨天时 我都愿意陪伴你
'Cause we don't work those, so...
因为那些日子不用工作 所以...
You keep your chin up, kid.
孩子 你要挺起胸膛
It's gonna work out okay.
一切都会关关难过关关过
I know.
我知道
Thanks, Jay.
谢谢你 杰
I'm so sorry that I told you that you didn't care about other people.
对不起我之前说你从不在乎别人
I care about other people.
我当然在乎别人啦
I'm really very sensitive.
我内心也很敏感啊
That's great.
那很棒啊
So, maybe tomorrow, you can take Joe
那或许明天你可以带乔
to that little boy's princess party.
去参加小男孩公主派对
Little boy's princess party?
小男孩公主派对吗
Eh...I think it's nice that he has the freedom
我觉得他也有自由
to express himself that way.
去扮演任何喜欢的角色啊
Pretty good, huh?
我很不错吧
They want the parents to go dress up, too.
他们要求家长也得变装
Okay, I'm out.
慢走不送
45 minutes of sitar, and nothing.
弹了45分钟的西塔琴还是没反应
She can't be reasoned with.
她这个人听不进别人的话
That's so Dede.
迪迪就是这种人
She's clearly still upset with us.
她很明显还在不爽我们
Well, she does hold a grudge.
她的确是很记仇
Phil.
菲尔
Claire, could you try and reason with your mother?
克莱尔 能麻烦你帮忙跟你母亲谈谈吗
What -- Okay, Jerry, is it possible
什么... 好吧 杰瑞 有没有可能
that you are projecting your guilt about moving on?
是你把放下她的罪恶感投射在这上面呢
Because that's not my mom over there.
因为那个才不是我妈妈呢
I don't mean to seem indelicate,
我不是有意说得那么直接
but you sound a little crazy right now.
但感觉你现在有点在说疯话呢
Please, talk to the tree.
拜托了 跟树谈谈吧
Okay, um...
好吧
Hey, uh, Mom?
你好啊 老妈
So, uh...Jerry wants to go to Mexico for a year --
杰瑞想去墨西哥一年
Four months!
就四个月
Worth a shot.
我就试试 万一呢
And he's lonely,
他很孤单
so he wants to take his new friend.
所以他想带上他的新朋友一起去
What?
你说什么
Wh-- You're...
什... 你...
Really? You're okay with it?
真的吗 你不介意啊
She says "Have fun."
她说"玩得愉快"
How did she sound?
她是哪种语气
Did she seem passive-aggressive?
语气会不会像说反话 绵里藏针
Yeah, maybe you should double-check, Claire.
对啊 你最好再确认一次吧 克莱尔
Great. Thank you, Phil.
真是太"谢谢"你了 菲尔
Mom, after missing you a lot
妈 虽然非常想你
and talking about very little else,
而且没有跟你聊过太多别的
um, Jerry finally met someone.
但杰瑞遇到了新的对象了
It's -- It's actually Dylan's Mom, Farrah,
这个人是迪兰的母亲 法拉
and he wants to take her to Mexico.
杰瑞想带她去墨西哥玩
She's listening. Keep going.
她在听了 接着说
Um...Jerry is worried that this would upset you,
杰瑞很担心这么做你会不高兴
but I told him that you want him to be happy
但我说你会想看到他开心
and to move on, right?
并放下过去往前走 对吧
Please move, please move.
快动啊 快动啊
Dede, does the rustling mean "Yes"?
迪迪 晃动是代表"同意"吗
Thank you, Dede.
谢谢你 迪迪
I will always love you.
我永远爱你
I need some water.
我需要来点水
- And let's go rescue that eggplant. - Yes.
-然后咱们去救那"茄子"吧 -没错
That was crazy!
真的假的啊
- Did you see that? - ‭Hold on.
-你看到了吗 -等等
Your -- Your mom wants to say something.
你... 你妈妈还想说点什么
What?
什么
"Hey, Claire Bear.
"克莱尔小宝贝
Maybe you should appreciate Phil's magic more,
或许你应该多感激菲尔的魔术
especially since he just solved your problem."
尤其他刚刚救了你一命"
I can't believe it. You're a genius.
真是不敢相信 你真是个天才
Mm. Thank you.
谢谢你
You're welcome.
不客气
They don't call me Filament Dunphy for nothing.
人称我为"线王邓菲"可不是浪得虚名
That is cute,
真有爱
but you are still selling houses, right?
但你还是会继续卖房子的吧
Oh, shoot, I have a showing in 20 minutes.
靠 我20分钟后得带人看房
Love you.
爱你
Oh, I guess I should be watering you more, huh?
看来我应该多给你浇水啊
I've been busy.
我这阵子一直很忙
You're not even here,
你人都不在这
and I feel like you're judging me.
我都能感觉到你审视的目光
Fine. I haven't been busy.
行行行 我没有忙
I miss you.
我很想你
It's probably why I didn't want to see Jerry.
或许就是因为这样我才不想见到杰瑞
He reminds me so much of you.
他好容易让我想起你
It's also why Farrah drives me nuts.
也正是为什么法拉总让我来火
If I'm gonna have a kook in my house,
如果我想要家里有个怪人
I'd want it to be you.
我宁愿要你
Phil.
菲尔
Phil, stop it.
菲尔 别闹了
Shut up, Mom. I like this haircut.
老妈你闭嘴啦 我就喜欢这发型