要克服挑战,就别再与他人比较 Dean Furness: To overcome challenges, stop comparing yourself to others

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演员: Dean Furness


台词
It seems we have been measured almost all of our lives,
我们的一生似乎 都在被不同的指标来测量,
when we are infants, with our height and our weight,
在婴儿时,就量身高和体重,
and as we grew it became our speed and our strength.
而长大后,就量速度和耐力。
And even in school there are test scores
甚至在学校,也有测试分数,
and today with our salaries and job performance.
如今,则是我们的工资和工作表现。
It seems as if those personal averages are almost always used
似乎这些个人的平均数值总是被拿来
to measure where we are in comparison to our peers.
与身边人的水平做比较。
And I think we should look at that a little differently.
但我认为我们应该 用略微不同的方式来看待它。
That personal average is just that, it's something very personal
个人平均值是非常私人的,
and it's for you,
是你专属的,
and I think if you focus on that and work to build that,
我认为如果你能专注于个人水平, 并在此基础上努力提升自己,
you can really start to accomplish some really amazing things.
你真的会开始取得 很多令人惊讶的成就。
This idea started for me on a December evening in 2011.
2011 年 12 月的一个晚上, 我有了这一想法。
I had just stepped outside to do our evening chores
我刚准备出门做一些晚间的家务,
to feed our horses.
喂我家的马。
I hopped into our tractor,
我跳上我家的拖拉机,
and a few minutes later,
几分钟后,
a five foot tall, 700-pound bale of hay fell from the loader,
一捆 1.5 米高, 320 公斤重的干草 从拖拉机的装载架上倒下来,
crushing me in the seat of the tractor
砸到了坐在拖拉机上的我,
and in the process shattering my T5 and T6 vertebrae.
这一下子碾碎了 我第五和第六节胸椎。
I didn't lose consciousness,
我没有失去意识,
but I felt this buzz throughout my body, and I knew what had happened right away.
但我感到一股酥麻传遍全身, 我立马就知道发生了什么。
My hands were reaching for my legs,
我把手伸向我的腿,
but my legs didn't recognize anything touching them.
但我的腿没有任何知觉。
And in fact, I couldn't feel anything from the center of my chest down.
实际上,我胸部以下的地方 都没有了任何知觉。
So there I was, about 100 feet from the house,
当时,我离家还有 30 米,
with my arms wrapped around the steering the wheel,
双手抱着方向盘,
trying to hold myself up, waiting for help.
尝试着将自己支撑起来,等待救援。
And unlike what you see in TV and the movies,
与你在电视和电影中看到的不同,
as much as I tried to get the dogs to go to the house and get help --
我尝试着让狗跑回家帮我求助——
(Laughter)
(笑声)
they just stared at me.
可是它们只是在那里盯着我看。
Well, 45 minutes later, my wife came home,
45 分钟后,我的妻子回家了,
and I heard her step out of the house
我听到她走出房子,
and, like, normal, if I needed help, "Hey, do you need help?"
就和往常一样看我是否需要帮助, “嘿,需要我帮忙吗?”
And I said, "Yes."
然后我说:“要。”
And there was a brief pause and then I heard her yell,
短暂停顿后,我听到她大喊:
"Do you need 9/11 help?"
“你需要我打 911 急救吗?”
And again I yelled, "Yes."
我再次喊道:“要。”
Well, not long after I was enjoying my very first helicopter ride
好,很快,我就享受了 第一次坐直升飞机的经历,
all the way to the hospital.
一路直达医院。
Now, the injury wasn't very dramatic or graphic.
我的伤势并没有想象中那么严重。
I simply broke a bone or two.
我只是断了一两根骨头。
And in the process, I was told I'd probably never walk again.
救治过程中,医生却告诉我 我可能这辈子再也无法走路了。
It became very normal for me to use a rope to sit up in bed,
借助一根绳子从床上坐起来 对我来说成为了日常,
because my abdominal muscles no longer work.
因为我的腹部肌肉不再起作用。
Or to use a board to slide out of bed into a wheelchair,
我也习惯了用一块板子 从床上滑到轮椅,
or to even wait for people to reach things for me.
或者甚至是等着别人帮我拿东西。
Everything that I had learned and had known about my height
我曾学到的以及知晓的
and my strength and my balance and my mobility was blown away.
关于自己身高、力量、平衡力、 以及行动能力的一切都不复存在。
My entire personal average had been reset.
我的全部个人平均数值都归零了。
Now you could be sure in those days I was being measured more than ever,
毫无疑问,在那些日子里, 我被测量的次数多得前所未有,
by the doctors and nurses for sure
肯定会有经常被医生和护士测量,
but maybe more so in my own mind,
但可能更多的是在我的脑海里。
and I found myself comparing
我发现自己在比较
what I thought I was going to be able to do going forward
从此之后自己能做到的事情
with what I once was able to do.
和我曾经能做到的事情。
And I became pretty frustrated.
因此我变得非常挫败。
It took some very consistent prodding from my wife, who kept saying,
我的妻子一直在对我说 “抬起头来”,
"Get your eyes up," before I could get moving forward.
在她坚持不懈的鼓励下, 我才开始了继续前行。
And I soon realized that I almost had to forget about the person I was before
很快,我意识到我几乎 不得不忘记曾经的自己,
and the things I was able to do before.
忘记曾经我能做到的事。
I almost had to pretend it was never me.
我几乎不得不假装 曾经的那个人不是我。
And I'm afraid if I had not made that realization,
如果我当初没有意识到这一点,
my frustration would have turned into something much harder to recover from.
恐怕我的挫败感会发展为 其它更加难以康复的东西。
Now, luckily, a few weeks later,
有幸的是,在几周后,
I was transferred to a specialty spinal cord rehab hospital
我被转移到距离我家 10 小时车程的
about 10 hours from home, and wouldn't you know,
一家脊髓康复专科医院,
the first day of rehab and the first session
你想不到在康复的第一天、 第一个训练环节,
we had something called fit class,
我们有一节所谓的“健身课”,
and a group of us broke into teams
我们一群人分成几组,
to see which team could do the most reps in the weight machine.
看哪个小组能在举重器械上 做最多次试举。
Now, we've all been there, haven't been to the gym in a year or two.
我们都曾经历过已经一两年 没有去过健身房的情况。
Neither had I.
我也是。
And so what do you do?
那么该怎么办?
You try to do what you did a couple of years ago,
你尝试按照几年前的方式去做,
and you do a couple of sets.
你做了几组,
And then what do you do? A couple more.
之后呢?又做了几组。
And you're feeling even better, so you do more.
你感觉甚至更好了, 于是你又多做了几组。
And the next two weeks you complain to your family about how sore you are.
在接下来的两周, 你会和家人抱怨你的肌肉有多酸痛。
(Laughter)
(笑声)
Well, my team went all out and we won, we won big,
我的小组全力以赴,大获全胜。
and for the next three days I could not straighten my arms,
但是在接下来的三天, 我都没法伸直手臂,
which isn't that big a deal except when you're in a wheelchair
这听起来不是什么大事, 除非你坐轮椅,
and that's really what you have to use to get around.
不得不用手臂操控轮椅到处走。
And that proved to be a very important lesson for me.
这成为了我收获的 一个很宝贵的教训——
It was one thing that I couldn't compare myself to myself,
不能进行自我比较是一码事,
but even around people in the same situation in that hospital,
但甚至是和同在那个医院、 与我处境相同的人相比,
I found that I couldn't try to keep pace or set pace with them as well,
我发现我也无法跟上他们的步伐, 或是与他们并驾齐驱,
and I was left with really only one choice
于是我别无选择,
and that was to focus on who I was at that point in time
只能专注当下的自己,
with where I needed to go and to get back to who I needed to be.
专注于我需要达到的目标, 并且变回我需要成为的人。
For the next six weeks, for seven to eight hours a day,
在接下来的 6 周, 每天 7 - 8 个小时,
that's what I did.
这就是我做的事。
I built little by little,
我一点一点努力,
and, as you might expect,
你可能也预料到,
when you're recovering from a spinal cord injury,
当你从脊髓损伤中恢复时,
you're going to have a bad day.
你将会度过很糟糕的一天。
You might have a few in a row.
你可能连着几天都很糟糕。
What I found out is that good and bad really didn't have a lot of meaning
而我发现,好坏并没什么重大的意义,
unless I had the context of knowing what my average was.
除非我了解自己的平均值在哪里。
It was really up to me to decide if something was bad or good
这完全取决于我自己:
based on where I was at that point in time,
基于那时候我的能力, 什么是好,什么是坏。
and it was in my control to determine if it really was a bad day.
决定一天过得是否很糟糕 完全在我的掌控范围内。
In fact, it was my decision on whether or not I could stop
实际上,我是否能停止 一连串糟糕的日子
a streak of bad days.
也是我自己的决定。
And what I found during that time away from home
在离家的那段时间里,我发现
is I never had a bad day, even with everything going on.
即使发生各种事情, 但没有一天是糟糕的。
There were parts of my day that were certainly not as pleasant
那些日子里,有的时候肯定
as they could be,
不尽如人意,
but it was never an entirely bad day.
但那从来不会是 完全糟糕的一天。
So I'm guessing that all of you have been through a meeting
我猜你们所有人都经历过
that probably didn't go very well,
可能进行得不太顺利的会议,
or a commute that wasn't as great as you would like it,
或不是很棒的通勤体验,
or even burned dinner at night.
甚至是烧焦了晚饭。
Did those things really ruin your entire day?
这些小不幸真的会毁了你的一整天吗?
What I found in those scenarios is the quicker you move on to what's next,
在这些场景下,我发现, 你越快将注意力转移到下件事上,
the quicker you can start attacking things.
你就能更快地开始全力以赴。
And by moving on to next as fast as possible,
通过尽快把注意力 转移到下一件事上,
you shrink the time you spend in those bad scenarios
你缩减了在负面情景上所花的时间,
and it gives more time for the good.
并把更多的时间专注于正面情景。
And, as a result, the good outweighs the bad,
因此,利大于弊,
your average increases and that's just how the math works.
你的平均值也就提升了, 这也就是数学的原理。
It didn't matter to me if I'd spent the morning
如果整个早上我都 为吃药而苦苦挣扎,
really struggling with my medication,
或在午饭时腿抽筋了,
or at lunch my legs being very spastic,
甚至从轮椅上摔下来,
or even if I had fallen out of my wheelchair.
这些对我都不重要。
Ask my wife. It happens quite often.
可以问我的妻子,这些经常发生。
She's here.
她就在这儿。
They were just small parts of my day and small parts of my average.
但这些只是我一天中很小的一部分, 我平均值中的一小部分。
And so, in the months and years that followed,
于是,在后来的几个月以及几年中,
I continued to try to attack things in that way,
我继续用这种方式全力以赴,
and before I knew it I was being presented with some pretty incredible challenges,
而且在我意识到之前, 我已完成了不少令人难以置信的挑战,
like completing a marathon in a wheelchair.
例如在轮椅上跑完一场马拉松。
In early 2016, I met my physical therapist,
在 2016 年年初, 我见了我的理疗师,
and after a few really grueling sessions, she must have sensed something,
在几次非常艰苦的康复训练后, 她一定是感觉到了什么,
because she pulled me aside and said, "You know, you should do a half marathon.
因为她把我拉到一边说: “你应该参加半马。
In your wheelchair. And, oh yeah, it's in 10 weeks."
坐着轮椅参加。 哦,就在 10 周后。”
And I thought in my mind, "You're crazy." I didn't have a workout plan.
我当时脑子里想: 你太疯狂了。我没有健身计划,
I didn't have any way of knowing how fast I needed to go
我也完全不知道我需要跑多快,
or how far I was supposed to go.
或是我需要跑多远。
But I simply got to work,
但我只是开始锻炼,
and I started tracking every workout, every day,
并开始每天记录追踪每次健身,
and I simply wanted to be as good as or as fast as I was the prior day.
我只是简单地想要让自己 和昨天的表现一样好、跑得一样快。
And in the end I really created that average for myself
最后,我真的 为自己创造了平均值,
and I tried to build on that as much as I could.
我也尝试尽自己所能 从那个数值开始更上一层楼。
Well, I finished that race right in time with what my average should have been,
最后,我按时完成了比赛, 速度也达到了我的平均水准,
and somewhere along the way
而且在途中,
I kind of closed the door on who I once was.
我似乎忘记了自己曾经的模样。
That person who I was before
那个事故发生前的我,
and all those things I thought I was able to do really didn't matter.
以及自己曾能做到的一切, 真的不那么重要了。
In fact, walking again really didn't matter.
实际上,能否重新走路真的不重要。
It became much less of a goal for me in terms of where I was going to go.
就我想要达成的目标而言, 走路已不再是那么重大的目标。
And besides, like, you guys are so slow when you walk.
而且,你们走路都超级慢。
In crowds like this, it is so difficult.
像在这样的人群中走路,太困难了。
I'm like, "Get out of the way. We're going places."
我会说:“借过,我们先走一步。”
(Laughter)
(笑声)
And all I wanted to do was go fast.
我一心只想变快。
And so I did what I thought I should do.
所以我就做了我认为自己该做的事。
I started researching wheelchair racing.
我开始研究轮椅竞速。
And I went online and I found the best of the best,
我上网去, 找到了一些最厉害的人,
I learned their technique, I learned about the equipment,
我学习他们的技术, 我研究装备的使用,
and I was lucky to have a coach that offered me a way to get started.
我也很幸运地有一个教练带我入门。
And after talking with him
在和他聊完天,
and having him help me get those things underway,
让他帮助我做好准备后,
as I was leaving, he says, "You know, you should do the 2017 Chicago Marathon."
正当我离开的时候,他说: “你应该参加 2017 芝加哥马拉松。”
And he's the coach, I can't tell him no.
他是教练,我无法对他说不。
So with that guidance, I went back home, and I got to work,
于是在他的指导下,我回到家,
much like in the prior way.
继续像之前那样努力训练。
And I continued researching, but I had learned my lesson.
我继续研究, 但我已经获得教训,
I was really careful not to compare
我非常小心,不去把自己
with how accomplished those people on the internet were
和网络上那些人的成就
and how fast they were,
以及他们的速度进行比较,
because if I had, I probably never would have continued
因为如果我这么做,
going through with it.
我可能不会继续这场旅程 并坚持到现在。
Well, the weekend of the race arrived,
举行比赛的周末到了,
and it was just like going to college for the first time.
这就好像第一次上大学。
You're dumped off,
你独自被抛下,
there's a whole bunch of people around you,
周围有一群人,
you don't really know very many of them,
但其中没几个你认识的人。
somebody's got the cool stereo and the cool TV
有人带着酷炫的音响, 有人带着酷炫的电视,
and they're smart and they're pretty and they're cute and they're handsome
他们看起来聪明、漂亮、可爱、帅气,
and you don't know if you really belong.
你并不确定自己是否真的属于这里。
But then somebody says, "Hey, let's go get food."
但这时有人说: “嘿,我们去吃点东西。”
And all of a sudden, that friend group happens
突如其来地朋友圈形成了,
and you start to settle in.
你也开始适应。
Well, that weekend of the race,
那个比赛的周末,
we had a meeting called the Wheelers Meeting,
在比赛前的那晚, 我们举办了一场“轮椅运动员聚会”,
and there were 60 wheelchairs in that room the night before the race.
那个房间里总共有 60 个轮椅运动员。
And wouldn't you know it,
你不敢相信,
all of the people that I had been researching were there,
那里的所有人, 我都曾在网上搜索过他们,
the best in the world.
他们都是世界顶尖。
There must have been over 50 Paralympic medals in the room that day.
那天,那个房间里 肯定有不止 50 枚残奥会奖牌。
And I felt pretty small and I fell back into that trap of comparing myself.
我感觉自己有些渺小, 感觉再次陷入自我比较的陷阱。
I knew that my averages that I had been tracking during my workouts
我知道在自己所有的训练记录中,
were over 90 seconds slower per mile than theirs.
我每英里的平均用时 要比他们慢 90 秒以上。
And the coach was the only one there that I knew,
教练是我在那里唯一认识的人,
and he reached out and noticed something, and I think he sensed my anxiety,
他过来和我讲话并注意到了什么, 我觉得他感到了我的焦虑,
and he invited me to get food with his team.
因此他邀请我和他的团队一起吃饭。
And with that, everything settled down.
这一举动让一切安定下来。
I realized really quick that they didn't care about my average, surely,
我很快意识到他们绝对 并不在意我的平均值,
and I had forgotten about theirs.
而且我也忘记了他们的成绩。
Well that next day,
好吧,在第二天,
I finished the race about 45 minutes after the person that won it.
我在获胜者冲线后 约 45 分钟跑完了比赛,
But as I was leaving, those new friends, who are very close today,
但在我离开的时候, 那些如今已非常亲近的新朋友
challenged me to stay involved
向我发起挑战,
and to keep working through different races and competitions.
让我留在赛场上, 完成一场又一场的竞速和比赛。
And so I did what I knew how. I went home, and I got busy.
我就做了我知道的事: 回家,开始忙于训练。
Now, as you can imagine, being in a wheelchair,
你可以想象,在轮椅上,
let alone training for a marathon in a wheelchair,
更别说在轮椅上 为马拉松进行训练,
is a pretty lonely thing.
是一件相当孤独的事情。
I have an incredible group of friends
我有一群很棒的朋友,
that will ride bikes with me and keep track of pace and help me out.
他们会骑车跟着我训练, 监测我的节奏,帮助我。
But in the end, it's still five to six days a week,
但到头来,依旧是 一周 5 - 6 天的训练,
it's 50 to 60 miles of effort, and it's a lot of alone time.
是 50 - 60 英里的努力, 还有很多自我独处的时间。
And for the most part,
绝大多数时间,
you really have nothing to rely on but yourself in those times.
你真的别无选择,只能靠自己。
It's my average, and I'm trying to get better little by little.
这是我的平均值, 每天我都在尝试一点点变得更好。
Well, this fall I was in Chicago for the third time.
今年秋天是我第三次造访芝加哥,
It was my seventh marathon,
也是我的第七场马拉松,
and just like going back to college for your junior year,
就好像大三时回学校一样,
you're anticipating catching up with friends
你期待和朋友重聚叙旧,
and getting excited about rolling right back into things.
对于立刻投入各种活动感到激动。
Well, I attended the same pre-race meeting and the same pre-race meal
我参加了同样的赛前聚会, 同样的赛前聚餐,
and caught up with those friends.
和那些朋友们叙旧。
And we lined up for the race,
当我们为比赛整装待发,
and right at the start, my average kicked in,
在起点处,我的平均值 猛然开始发挥作用,
and before long I caught up with some of those friends
不久之后我就追赶上了那些朋友们,
and was able to keep pace with them and push together.
我们使用同样的步伐 全速前进,一起挑战极限。
But it wasn't long before I faded.
但很快我又淡出了他们的视野,
It just happened, and I found myself all alone again
情况就这么发生, 我发现自己又孤身一人,
with really nothing to rely on other than what I had worked so hard to be at.
真的除了自己努力得来的东西, 没什么能依靠的。
But we turned into the wind at the halfway point,
但我们在半程遇上了逆风,
and my average became a strong advantage,
我的平均值发挥了极大的优势,
and it wasn't long before I caught some of those friends
很快我又追赶上了我的一些朋友,
and passed them all the way to the finish.
超过了他们,一路直奔终点。
And while I didn't set a personal record that day,
我尽管那天没有破自己的个人记录,
I did finish 30 seconds per mile faster than my prior Chicago times
却比之前芝加哥的几次比赛 每英里快了 30 秒,
and just left myself pretty excited.
我对此还蛮激动的。
And so this is me. This is my average.
这就是我,这是我的平均值。
Seventy-five days from today, I'll be in Boston for my second time.
75 天之后,我将会第二次去波士顿。
I'm super excited about that.
我为此非常兴奋。
But keep in mind, this isn't really just about racing.
但记住,这不仅只是关于竞速。
I'm working really hard every day to be better in so many other ways,
我每天都在非常努力, 力求在其它各个方面变好,
a better parent, a better husband, a better coach, teammate, friend, person.
成为更好的家长、更好的丈夫、 更好的教练、队友、朋友,更好的人。
And I promise you, even though what you see here is very visible
我向你保证,即使你看到的
in terms of the challenges that I face,
我所面临的种种挑战 都非常显而易见,
everybody here has something that they're fighting,
这里的每个人 都有在与之战斗的东西,
and it may be visible, it may not be,
可能肉眼可见,又可能不可见,
but please, take some time and focus on you instead of others,
但请花些时间, 专注于自己,而非他人,
and I bet you can win those challenges
我打赌你能战胜那些挑战,
and really start accomplishing so many great things.
并真正地开始成就卓越。
Thank you.
谢谢。
(Applause)
(掌声)