Miss Bearing, you have advanced metastatic ovarian cancer.
You are a professor, Miss Bearing.
Like yourself, Dr. Kelekian.
with a growth that unfortunately went undetected in stages one, two, and three.
Now it is an insidious adenocarcinoma...
Insidious means undetectable at an early stage--
Insidious means treacherous.
In invasive epithelial carcinoma,
the most effective treatment modality is a chemotherapeutic agent.
We are developing an experimental combination
of drugs designed for primary-site ovarian,
for the target specificity of stage three and beyond administration.
Am I going too fast?
You will be hospitalized as an in-patient for treatment each cycle.
After the initial eight cycles, you will have another battery of tests.
The antineoplastic will inevitably affect some healthy cells,
including those lining the gastrointestinal tract from the lips to the anus and the hair follicles.
We will, of course, be relying on your resolve to withstand some of the more pernicious side-effects.
Oh. I beg your pardon.
Do you have any questions so far? Please go on.
- 到目前为止有疑问吗 - 请继续
Perhaps some of these terms are new... No, no. You're being very thorough.
- 或许其中有些字 对你来说比较陌生... 不，不会 你说的很详尽
I make a point of it. And I always emphasize it with my students.
Oh, so do I. Thoroughness. I always tell my students,
but, they are constitutionally averse to painstaking work.
Yours, too? Oh, it's worse every year.
- 你学生也是这样吗 - 一年比一年还糟
Mine are blind. Oh, well, mine are deaf.
- 我学生就像瞎子一样 - 我的则好像聋子
You just have to hope. Mm-hmm. I suppose so.
- 你也只能奢望了 - 我想也是
Where were we, Dr. Bearing?
I believe I was being thoroughly diagnosed.
Now, the tumor is spreading very quickly.
And this treatment is very aggressive.
So far, so good? Yes.
- 目前为止还好吗？ - 是的
Better not teach next semester. Out of the question.
- 下学期最好别教书了 - 不可能的
The first week of each cycle, you'll be hospitalized for chemotherapy.
The next week, you may feel a little tired. Eight months like that.
This treatment is the strongest thing we have to offer you.
And as research, it'll make a significant contribution to our knowledge.
Here is the informed consent form.
Should you agree, you sign there at the bottom.
Is there a family member you want me to explain this to?
Oh, that won't be necessary.
The important thing is for you to take the full dose of chemotherapy.
There may be times when you'll wish for a lesser dose due to the side-effects.
But we've got to go full force.
Dr. Bearing? Yes.
- 贝宁小姐 - 是的
You must be very tough.
Do you think you can be very tough?
I should have asked more questions.
But if I knew there was going to be a test.
Hi. How you feeling today? Fine.
- 你好吗？ - 很好
Great. That's just great.
This is not my standard greeting, I assure you.
I tend toward something a little more formal,
a little less inquisitive,
such as, say, "Hello."
But it is the standard greeting here, so I just say, "Fine."
Of course, it is not very often that I do feel fine.
I have been asked "How are you feeling today?," while I was throwing up into a plastic washbasin.
I have been asked as I was emerging from a four-hour operation
with a tube in every orifice: "How are you feeling today?"
I'm waiting for the moment when someone asks me this question and I am dead.
I'm a little sorry I'll miss that.
insidious cancer, with pernicious side-effects.
No, the treatment has pernicious side-effects.
I have stage four metastatic ovarian cancer.
There is no stage five.
Oh. And I have to be very tough.
It appears to be a matter, as the saying goes...
of life and death.
I know all about life and death.
I am, after all, a professor of 17th-century poetry
specializing in the Holy Sonnets of John Donne...
which explore mortality in greater depth than any other body of work in the English language.
And I know for a fact that I am tough.
A demanding professor, uncompromising,
never one to turn from a challenge.
That is why I chose to study John Donne
while a student of the great E.M. Ashford.
Your essay on Holy Sonnet VI, Miss Bearing,
is a melodrama with a veneer of scholarship unworthy of you
to say nothing of Donne. Do it again.
Begin with the text, Miss Bearing, not with a feeling.
"Death be not proud,
"though some have called thee "Mighty and dreadful, for,
thou art not so..."
You've entirely missed the point of the poem
because, I must say, you've used an edition of the text
that is inauthentically punctuated. In the Gardner edition of the text.. Well, that edition is checked out of the li--
You take this too lightly.
This is metaphysical poetry, not the modern novel.
The standards of scholarship and critical reading which one would apply to any other text, are simply insufficient.
The effort must be total for the results to be meaningful.
Do you think that the punctuation of the last line of this sonnet is merely an insignificant detail?
The sonnet begins with a valiant struggle with death, calling on all the forces
of intellect and drama to vanquish the enemy.
But it is ultimately about overcoming the seemingly insuperable barriers
separating life, death, and eternal life.
In the edition you chose, this profoundly simple meaning
is sacrificed to hysterical punctuation.
"And Death," capital D...
"shall be no more;" emi-colon.
"Death," capital D, comma...
"thou shalt die!", exclamation mark.
If you go in for this sort of thing, I suggest you take up Shakespeare.
Gardner's edition of the Holy Sonnets returns to the Westmoreland manuscript source of 1610.
Not for sentimental reasons, I assure you,
but because Helen Gardner is a scholar.
"And death shall be no more,"
comma, "Death thou shalt die!"
Nothing but a breath, a comma,
separates life from life everlasting.
Very simple, really.
With the original punctuation restored, death is no longer something
to act out on a stage with exclamation marks.
It is a comma. A pause.
In this way-- the uncompromising way-- one learns something from the poem,
Life, death, soul, God,
Not insuperable barriers,
Life, death. I see.
It's a metaphysical conceit. It's wit.
I'll go back to the library and rewrite It is not wit, Miss Bearing. It is truth.
- 我再去图书馆查查... - 这不是机趣，贝宁 这是真理
The paper's not the point.
Vivian, you're a bright young woman.
Use your intelligence.
Don't go back to the library. Go out.
Enjoy yourself with friends, hmm?
VIVIAN, VOICE-OVER: I went outside.
It was a warm day. I...
There were students on the lawn talking about, well,
Simple human truth.
Uncompromising scholarly standards.
I just couldn't...
I went back to the library.
"Significant contribution to knowledge."
"Eight cycles of chemotherapy."
Give me the full dose,
the full dose, every time.
VIVIAN, VOICE-OVER: The attention was flattering...
for the first five minutes.
Oh! Dr. Harvey Kelekian.
I am a doctor of philosophy...
Take a deep breath and hold it.
a scholar of 17th-century poetry.
Arms above your head, and hold it.
I have made an immeasurable contribution to the discipline of English literature.
I am, in short, a force.
Lucy, Countess of Bedford.
I don't see it here. My name is Vivian Bearing.
- 我找不到 - 我叫薇薇安贝宁
B-e-a-r-i-n-g. Dr. Kelekian is my doctor.
VIVIAN: After an astounding undergraduate career...
I studied for three years with Professor E.M. Ashford,
during which time I learned by instruction and example
what it means to be a scholar of distinction.
As her research fellow, my principal task was
the alphabetizing of index cards for Ashford's monumental critical edition
of Donne's "Devotions Upon Emergent Occasions."
I am thanked in the preface:
"Miss Vivian Bearing for her able assistance."
Where's your wheelchair?
I do not know. I was busy just now.
Well, how you gonna get out of here?
I could walk. It's not permitted.
- 我可以用走的 - 这是不允许的
Well, I do not know. Perhaps you would like me to stay.
I guess I got to go find you a chair.
Don't inconvenience yourself on my behalf. You want their feedback? Sure. If you can, make it 4...
Ms. Bearing, this is Jason Posner.
He's gonna do your medical history and ask you a few questions.
He's Dr. Kelekian's fellow.
Professor Bearing, I'm Dr. Posner, clinical fellow at the medical oncology branch,
working with Dr. Kelekian.
Sit over here, please.
Professor Bearing, I was a student at the university. Did you?
Yes. I thought it was excellent.
Well, thank you. Were you an English major?
- 你是主修英文吗？ - 不，生物化学
But you can't get into med school unless you're well-rounded.
And I made a bet with myself that I could get an A in the three hardest courses on campus.
How did you do, Jase?
Success. Really? A-minus.
- 真的？很不错 - 真的？
It was a very tough course.
Yeah, I'll call you. OK.
- 我待会儿再叫你 - 好的
I'll wheel this over.
OK, now, I'm going to be taking your history,
which is a medical interview, and then I give you an exam.
I believe Dr. Kelekian has already done that.
Well, I know, but Dr. Kelekian wanted me to do one, too.
OK, let's just get started.
Uh...how are you feeling today? Fine, thank you. Excellent.
- 你今天感觉好吗？ - 很好，谢谢
And how's your general health?
- 不错，那大致上的身体状况呢？ - 很好
Now, we know that you're an academic. Yes, we've established that.
- 我知道你是个学者 - 我们刚刚谈过了
So we don't need to talk about your interesting work. No.
- 那我就不多问你的工作方面了 - 好的
Uh, how old are you? 48.
- 今年贵庚？ - 48岁
Are you married? No.
- 结婚了吗？ - 还没
Are your parents living? No.
- 父母亲健在吗？ - 都不在了
How and when did they die?
My father, suddenly, of a heart attack when I was 21.
我父亲在我 21 岁时 因心脏病发过世
My mother, slowly, when I was 41 or 42, of cancer, breast cancer.
Cancer? Yeah. Breast cancer.
- 癌症？ - 对，乳癌
I see. Any siblings? No.
- 了解，有兄弟姐妹吗？ - 没有
Now I'm going to ask you about your past medical history.
Have you ever been hospitalized? Yes. I had my tonsils out when I was eight.
- 你曾经住院过吗？ - 有，我八岁时割过扁桃腺
Have you ever been pregnant?
- 怀孕过吗？ - 没有
High blood pressure? No.
- 高血压？ - 没有
Venereal diseases, uterine infections... No.
- 得过性病或子宫感染？ - 没有
Thyroid, diabetes, cancer... No. Well, cancer, yes.
- 甲状腺炎、糖尿病或癌症？ - 没有，癌症...有
Well, when? Now.
- 什么时候？ - 现在
Well, not including now. In that case, no.
- 不包括现在 - 那没有
clinical depression, nervous breakdown, suicide attempts...
Do you smoke? No.
- 抽烟吗？ - 不抽
Ethanol. I beg your pardon?
- 乙醇类呢？ - 抱歉？
Yes, I drink wine. How much? How often?
- 乙醇，有，我喝酒 - 喝多少？多久喝一次？
A glass with dinner occasionally, and perhaps a scotch every now and then.
Do you use any substances?
- 有使用药物吗？ - 例如呢？
Do you drink caffeinated beverages? Oh, yes.
- 常喝含咖啡因饮料吗？ - 有
OK. How many? Two to six.
- 多少杯？ - 二...至六杯吧
But I really don't think that's immoderate.
How often do you undergo routine medical checkups?
Well, not as often as I should probably, but I've felt fine. I really have.
So the answer is? Every three to five years.
- 那次数是...？ - 三到五年做一次吧
What do you do for exercise?
Are you having sexual relations? Not at the moment.
- 有过性关系吗？ - 目前没有
Are you pre or post-menopausal? Post.
- 过了更年期没有？ - 过了
When did your periods stop? About two years ago.
- 月经什么时候停止的？ - 大约两年前
When did you first notice your present complaint? Oh. Um,
well, about four months ago, I felt a pain in my stomach, in my abdomen.
Um, like a cramp, but not the same.
But not the same? Duller and stronger. But I can't describe it.
- 但不一样？ - 不明显，有时又很强烈，我不会形容
Mm-hmm. What happened next? Well, I just- I don't know...
- 接下来呢？ - 我不知道
I started noticing my body. Little things. I would be teaching and feel a sharp pain.
Then it would go away, or I would be tired...
the article on John Donne
for the "Oxford Encyclopedia of English Literature."
It was a great honor, but I had a very strict deadline.
So would you say you were under stress? It wasn't so much more stress than usual.
- 这么说你承受很大的压力了 - 也不会比平常大多少
So I went to see Dr. Chin, my gynecologist, after I'd turned in the article and explained all this.
She examined me, sent me to Jefferson, the internist...
who sent me to Kelekian because he thought I might have a tumor.
That's very interesting.
Um, well, I guess we'll start the exam.
Why don't you just sort of lie back and relax?
Won't take a minute.
Um, let me get this sheet.
Here. OK. OK. Um...um...oh,
yes. Just...um... Um...just...
Feet in the stirrups here.
OK. Oh! Oh. I've got to go get Susie.
I got to have a girl here. Some crazy clinical rule.
Don't move. I'll be right back.
I wish I had given him an A.
Two times one is two. Two times two is four.
Two times three is... six. Ohh.
"Death be not proud,
though some have called thee "Mighty and dreadful,
for, thou art not so,"
"For, those, whom thou think'st, thou dost overthrow,
Die not, poor Death, nor yet canst thou kill me..."
Has anybody seen Susie?
"One short sleep past, we wake eternally,
"And death shall be no more,"
"Death thou shalt die!"
OK, here's everything. OK.
What is this? Why did you leave her like this? I had to find you. Now, come on.
- 你怎么把她弄成这样 - 我急着找你啊，来吧
We're ready, Professor Bearing.
Just get this on. Uh...
OK. Isn't that interesting, Susie,
that I had Professor Bearing?
I don't know anything about poetry.
It looked very good on my transcript that I had taken her course.
Y-yeah, I survived Bearing's course. And no problem.
Yeah, John Donne, those metaphysical poets,
that metaphysical wit. Hardest poetry in the English department.
I'd like to see them try biochemistry.
We're almost done. All right.
Yeah, OK. Uh! Uh, that's it. We're done.
Uh, OK. I got to go.
Uh, take her feet out of... Yeah.
I'm just gonna...
VIVIAN, VOICE-OVER: That was...
One thing that can be said for an eight-month course of cancer treatment:
It is... highly educational.
I am learning to suffer.
Yes, it is mildly uncomfortable to have an electrocardiogram,
but...the agony of a colonoscopy sweeps it from memory.
Yes, it was embarrassing to have to wear a nightgown all day long.
But that seemed like a positive privilege compared to watching myself go bald.
Yes, having a former student give me a pelvic exam
And I use the term deliberately.
I could not have imagined the depths of humiliation.
I haven't eaten in two days.
What's left to puke?
You may remark that my vocabulary has taken a turn for the Anglo-Saxon.
God, I'm gonna barf my brains out.
If I did actually barf my brains out...
it would be a great loss to my discipline.
Of course, not a few of my colleagues would be relieved
to say nothing of my students.
It's not that I'm controversial.
If the word went round that Vivian Bearing had barfed her brains out, well,
first my colleagues, most of whom are my former students,
would scramble madly for my position.
And then their consciences would flare up.
So to honor my memory, they would put together a collection
of their essays about John Donne.
The volume would begin with a warm introduction,
capturing my most endearing qualities.
It would be short but sweet.
"Published and Perished."
Now, watch this. I have to ring the bell.
SUSIE: How you doing, Ms. Bearing? You having some nausea?
Uh, yes. OK, I'll be with you in a second.
- 是的 - 好的，我马上来
Someone has to come and measure this emesis
and record it on a chart of my intake and output.
This counts as output.
It's about 300 CCs.
It was very hard work.
Is there anything else I can get you? You want some Jell-O or something?
Are you OK all by yourself in here? Yes.
- 自己一个在这儿还习惯吗 - 可以
You're not having a lot of visitors,
None to be precise.
Is there somebody you want me to call or something?
That won't be necessary. I don't want visitors.
Well, I tell you what,
I'll just pop my head in every once in a while to see how you're doing,
make sure you're OK. If you need anything, you just ring.
VIVIAN, VOICE-OVER: Do not forget
that you are seeing the most interesting aspects
of my tenure as an in-patient receiving experimental chemotherapy
for advanced metastatic ovarian cancer.
But as I am a scholar, I feel obliged to document
what it is like here most of the time
between the dramatic climaxes.
In truth, it is like this.
You cannot imagine
how time can be so still.
It hangs. It weighs.
And yet there is so little of it.
And yet it is so scarce.
If I were writing this scene, it would last a full 15 minutes.
I would lie here and you would sit there.
"Brevity is the soul of wit."
if you think eight months of cancer treatment is tedious for all of you,
consider how it feels to play my part.
Let's say it's Friday morning.
"Grand rounds" is what they call it.
Dr. Bearing. Dr. Kelekian.
- 贝宁小姐 - 柯医生
Professor Bearing, how are you feeling today?
Hexamethophosphacil with Vinplatin to potentiate.
Hex at 300 milligrams per meter squared, Vin at 100.
Today is cycle four, day three.
All cycles are at the full dose.
Primary site is here... behind the left ovary.
Metastases are suspected in the peritoneal cavity,
mainly in this area here.
Full lymphatic involvement. At the time of first-look surgery,
a significant part of the tumor was
de-bulked, mainly in this area here. Left, right ovaries,
fallopian tubes, uterus, all out.
Evidence of primary-site shrinkage.
Shrinking in metastases has not been documented.
Primary mass frankly palpable in pelvic exam,
all through here.
Excellent command of details. OK.
Problem areas with Hex and Vin?
With this combination of agents, nephrotoxicity will be next.
- 杰森 - 如同预期
Pain while urinating.
- 排尿疼痛？ - 如预期良好
Routine. Psychological depression? No way.
- 沮丧焦虑？ - 没有
KELEKIAN: Anything else?
Other complaints with Hex and Vin?
Mouth sores? Not yet.
- 嘴巴疼痛？ - 没有
Why do we waste our time, Dr. Bearing?
I do not know, Dr. Kelekian.
KELEKIAN: Good grief.
Come on! Doesn't count.
- 拜托，谁都看得出来 - 这不算吧
Hair loss after first cycle of treatment.
KELEKIAN: That's better. Dr. Bearing.
KELEKIAN: Good. Excellent. Keep pushing the fluids. Big shot.
Jason, clinical. Oh, right. Um...
- 杰森，你的病人 - 对
Wasn't that grand?
Full of subservience, hierarchies.
Gratuitous displays, sublimated rivalries.
I feel completely at home. It is just like a graduate seminar...
with one important difference--
in grand rounds, they read me like a book.
Once I did the teaching.
Now I am taught.
This is much easier. I just hold still and look cancerous.
Jason was impressive, wasn't he?
I taught him, you know.
Nephrotoxicity, kidney poisoning, myelosuppression.
They are medical terms. I looked them up.
It has always been my custom to treat words with respect.
I can recall the time,
when I knew words would be my life's work.
I like that one best.
"The Tale of the Flopsy Bunnies."
It has little bunnies on the front.
"The Tale of the Flopsy Bunnies"
"It is said that the..." e--ef--"effect "of eating "too much lettuce is...so--" sop--sopo--
What is this word?
Say it in bits. "Sop-or-i-fic."
What does that mean?
[SAW-per-IF-ik] "Soporific"? Causing sleep.
Causing sleep. Makes you sleepy.
- 催眠... - 让人想睡觉
So-por-ific... means makes you sleepy. That's right.
- 眼皮沉重，就是让人想睡觉的意思 - 没错
DAD: Now, use it in a sentence.
What has a soporific effect on you?
YOUNG VIVIAN: What has a soporific effect on me?
What makes you sleepy?
[chuckles] That's right.
What has a soporific effect on me?
Boring conversation, I suppose, after dinner.
Me, too. Boring conversation.
Good, excellent. Carry on.
VOICE OF YOUNG VIVIAN: "It is said that the effect "of eating too much lettuce is
The little bunnies in the picture are sleeping.
They're sleeping, like you said, because of... soporific.
The illustration bore out the meaning of the word
just as he had explained it.
At the time, it seemed like magic.
So imagine the effect the words of John Donne first had on me.
Medical terms are less evocative.
I want to know what the doctors mean when they anatomize me.
My only defense is the acquisition of vocabulary.
Fever and neutropenia. OK, when did it start?
- 发烧、还有白血球减少 - 什么时候开始的？
I was at home reading. I felt so bad. I got cold.
Fever and neutropenia. They said to come in.
OK, just sit here a minute.
I'll get Jason. He's on call tonight, and we'll get him to give you some meds.
I'm glad I was here tonight.
I'm gonna get you to a bed soon, OK?
I'm gonna get you some juice, some nice juice, with lots of ice, OK?
Lights. I left all the lights on at my house.
Don't worry about it. It'll be OK.
Professor Bearing, how you feeling?
My teeth are chattering.
Fever and neutropenia. It's a shake and bake.
Blood culture and urine, stat. Admit her. Prepare her for reverse isolation.
Start with acetaminophen. Vitals every four hours. I'll be right back.
I think you need to talk to Kelekian about lowering the dose for the next cycle.
It's too much for her like this.
Lower the dose? No way. She's tough. She can take it. Full dose.
降低剂量？ 不可能 她很坚强，她能承受全剂量的
Wake me when the counts come from the lab.
Good morning, Dr. Bearing.
Definite progress. Everything OK?
You're doing swell.
Isolation's no problem. A couple of days. Think of it as a vacation. Oh.
Jason! What? Oh, OK.
- 杰森 - 干嘛？
For once, I can use a term literally.
The chemotherapeutic agents eradicating my cancer
have also eradicated my immune system.
In my present condition,
every living thing is a health hazard to me...
I really have not got time for this.
particularly health-care professionals.
Just to check the I&O sheets for one minute takes me a half an hour to do precautions. Oh.
5, 7, 11, 250 twice. OK. Oh. Um, Professor
Bearing, how are you feeling today?
Fine, just shaking sometimes from the chills.
IV should kick in anytime now. No problem.
Listen, I got to go. Keep pushing the fluids, OK? Hmm...
I am not in isolation because I have cancer,
I have a tumor the size of a grapefruit.
because I am being treated for cancer.
My treatment imperils my health.
Herein lies the paradox.
John Donne would revel in it.
I would revel in it if he wrote a poem about it.
My students would flounder in it
because paradox is too difficult to understand. Huh.
"Think of it as a puzzle,"
I would tell them, "an intellectual game."
Or I would have told them...
were it a game...
"...threw death on else immortal us..."
"If lecherous goats, "if serpents envious
"Cannot be damned,
"alas, why should I be?
"Why should intent or reason, born in me,
"Make sins, else equal, "in me more heinous?
"And mercy being easy, and glorious
"To God, in his stern wrath "why threatens he?
"But who am I, that dare dispute with thee?"
"O God, "Oh! of thine only worthy blood,
"And my tears, make a heavenly Lethean flood,
"And drown in it my sins' black memory
"That thou remember them, "some claim as debt,
"I think it mercy, if thou wilt forget."
A typical prayer would plead, "Remember me, O Lord."
True believers ask to be remembered by God.
The speaker of this sonnet asks God to forget.
We want to correct the speaker, hmm?
To remind him of the assurance of salvation.
But it is too late. The poetic encounter is over.
We are left to our own consciences.
Have we outwitted Donne? Ms. Bearing.
- 我们的才智是否真胜过道恩呢？ - 贝宁小姐
Or have we been outwitted?
What is it? [clears throat]
You have to go down for a test. Jason just called.
They want to do another ultrasound.
They're concerned about a bowel obstruction.
No, not now. I'm sorry. They want it now.
- 不，现在不行 - 很抱歉，他们要求现在
Not right now. It's not supposed to be now.
Yes. They want to do it now. I've got the chair.
It should not be now. I...
I am in the middle of this. I have this planned for now, not an ultrasound.
No more tests. We've covered that. I know. I know.
- 或其他检验，我们已经做过了 - 我知道
But they need for it to be now.
It isn't a bad procedure, and it won't take long. So why don't you just come along now?
I do not want to go now.
It'll just be a minute.
Time for your break? Yup.
- 休息时间吗？ - 是的
"This is my play's last scene;"
"here Heavens appoint
"My pilgrimage's last mile;"
"Idly, yet quickly run,
"Hath this last pace..."
"My span's last inch,
"My minute's last point;"
"And gluttonous death will instantly unjoint
My body and soul..."
I've always particularly liked that poem...
Now I find the image
of my minute's last point
a little too, shall we say,
I don't mean to complain, but I am becoming very sick.
Very, very sick. Ultimately sick, as it were.
In everything I have done, I have been...
Some would say in the extreme.
Now, as you can see,
I am distinguishing myself in illness.
I have survived eight treatments of Hexamethophosphacil and Vinplatin
at the full dose, ladies and gentlemen.
I have broken the record.
I have become something of a celebrity.
Kelekian and Jason are simply delighted.
they see celebrity status for themselves
upon the appearance of the journal article
they will no doubt write about me.
But I flatter myself.
The article will not be about me.
It will be about my ovaries.
It will be about my peritoneal cavity,
which, despite their best intentions, is now crawling with cancer.
What we have come to think of as me...
is, in fact, just the specimen jar.
Just the dust jacket.
Just the white piece of paper that bears the little black marks.
My next line is supposed to be something like this: um...
"Oh. It is such a relief
to get back to my room after those infernal tests."
This is hardly true.
It would be a relief to be a cheerleader
on her way to Daytona Beach for spring break.
正要前往 达特那海滩欢渡假期的话 这样子就真的太美好了
To get back to my room after those infernal tests
is just the next thing that happens.
It is such a relief to get back to my Goddamn room
after those Goddamn tests.
Professor Bearing? I just want to check your I&O.
OK... How you feeling today?
Fine. Great. That's just great.
- 很好 - 好，非常好
How are my fluids?
Pretty good. No kidney involvement yet. That's pretty amazing with Hex and Vin.
How will you know when the kidneys are involved?
Lots of in, not much out. That simple?
- 摄取量多，但排出量却很少时 - 这么简单？
Compromised kidney function is a highly complex reaction.
I'm simplifying it for you. Thank you.
- 我只是将它简化好让你明白 - 谢谢
We're supposed to. Bedside manner.
- 这是我们该做的 - 这是医师手则
There's a whole course on it in med school. It's required.
A colossal waste of time for researchers. I can imagine.
- 对我们来说有点烦人 - 我可以想像
What were you saying just then? When?
- 你刚刚说什么？ - 什么时候？
Professor Bearing, are you experiencing confusion?
Short-term memory loss? No.
- 有暂时性记忆丧失吗？ - 没有
You sure? Yes.
- 确定？ - 确定
No, I was just wondering...
Well, why not open-heart surgery? Oh. Well, yeah.
Well, why not plumbing?
Why not run a lube rack for all the surgeons know about
Homo sapiens sapiens and...
No way. Cancer's the only thing I ever wanted.
Huh. No, really... cancer is...
How does it do it?
The intercellular regulatory mechanisms,
especially for proliferation and differentiation.
The malignant neoplasia just don't get it. Neoplasia, cancer cells.
- 但是病变的恶性细胞 就没有这构造 - 恶性细胞，就是癌细胞
You grow normal cells in a tissue culture in a lab,
and they replicate just enough to form a nice confluent monolayer
and then they divide 20 times or 50 times, but eventually they conk out.
You grow cancer cells, and they never stop.
No contact inhibition whatsoever. They just pile up.
They keep replicating forever.
It's got a great name. You know what it's called?
No. What? Immortality in culture.
- 是什么？ - 培养皿里的永生
Oh. That sounds like a symposium.
Well, it's an error in judgment in a molecular way.
Even on a protistic level, the normal cell-cell interactions are
so subtle, they take your breath away.
It's incredible. It's perfect.
So what's up with cancer cells? The smartest guys in the world,
the best labs, funding...
They don't know what to make of it.
What about you? Me?
- 那你呢？ - 我？
Oh. I've got some things I'm kicking around.
Wait till I get a lab of my own, if I can survive this fellowship.
Oh. The part with the human beings.
Everybody has got to go through it, all the best researchers.
They want us to be able to converse intelligently with the clinicians.
As if researchers were the impediment.
Clinicians are such troglodytes. Just cut the crap, I say.
Are you going to be sorry when...
Do you ever miss people?
Everybody asks that, especially girls.
What do you tell them?
I tell them, "Yes." Are they persuaded? Some.
- 我答案是肯定的 - 他们相信吗？
Some. I see. Hmm.
- 一部份 - 我懂了
And what do you say when a patient is
I'm fine. Really, it's all right.
You sure? I could order a test.
- 你确定？我可以再帮你安排测试... - 不
No. No. I'm fine. Just a little tired.
Listen, I got to go.
Keep pushing the fluids. Try for 2,000 a day, OK?
To use your word...
the young doctor, like the senior scholar...
prefers research to humanity.
the senior scholar in her pathetic state as simpering victim,
wishes the young doctor would take more interest in personal contact.
Ah. Now I suppose we shall see how the senior scholar
ruthlessly denied her simpering students
the touch of human kindness she now seeks.
would you characterize... You!
How would you characterize the animating force of this sonnet? Huh?
what is the... What is the principal poetic device?
I'll give you a hint: It has nothing to do with football.
What propels this sonnet? Um...
You can come to this class prepared or you can excuse yourself from this class,
this department, and this university.
Do not think for a moment that I will tolerate anything in between.
"You are 19 years old. "You are so young.
You don't know a sonnet from a steak sandwich"?
To scan the line properly,
we must take advantage of the contemporary flexibility
in i-o-n endings, as in "expansion."
The quatrain stands:
"Our two souls therefore, which are one,
"Though I must go, endure not yet
"A breach, but an expansion
Like gold to airy thinness beat."
Bear this in mind in your reading.
That's all for today.
I need to ask for an extension on my paper.
I'm really sorry. I know your policy, but. Don't tell me. Your grandmother died.
- 真的很抱歉，我知道你的规矩，但是... - 别跟我说你祖母过世
You knew? It was a guess.
- 你知道了吗？ - 我猜的
when it is due.
I don't know. I...
I feel so much...
What is the word?
I look back, and I see these scenes, and I...
Ms. Bearing, is that you beeping at 4:00 in the morning?
- 贝宁小姐 - 是你半夜四点在按铃吗？
Did that wake you?
Sorry. It just gets occluded sometimes.
I--I was awake. You were?
- 不，我醒着 - 是啊
What's the trouble, sweetheart?
I just keep thinking.
If you do that too much, you can get kind of confused.
I can't seem to figure things out.
I'm in a quandary, having...
Well, what you're doing is very hard.
Hard things are what I like best. No, but it's not the same.
- 我最喜欢艰苦的事 - 这不一样
It's like it's out of control, isn't it?
- 这情况是无法掌控的，是吧？ - 是的
Honey, of course you are.
I don't feel so sure of myself anymore.
And you used to feel sure, didn't you?
Yes, yes. And I used to feel sure!
Oh, Vivian, it's OK. It's all right.
And it hurts. I know. I know.
It's all right. It's all right. Let me just-- Hold on a sec.
Here you go. It's OK.
Vivian, it's OK. It's all right.
Hey, Vivian, you want a popsicle?
OK. I'm gonna go get one. I'll be right back, OK?
The epithelial cells
have been killed by the chemo.
The cold popsicle feels good.
It's something I can digest and it helps keep me hydrated.
For your information.
Here you go. Thank you.
Here. You sure?
- 给你 - 你确定？
Mmm. Thanks. Thank you.
- 谢谢 - 谢谢你
You know, when I was a kid, we used to get these from a truck.
A man would come around, and he'd ring his bell,
and we'd all go running over.
And then we'd sit on the curb and eat our popsicles.
That's pretty profound, huh?
Vivian, there's something we need to talk about,
that you need to think about.
My cancer's not being cured, is it?
They never expected it to be, did they?
Well, they thought the drugs would make the tumor get smaller.
And it has. It's gotten a lot smaller.
But the problem is, it's started in other places, too.
And, I mean, they've learned a lot for their research, and it was the best thing It's just that there--
there really isn't a good cure for what you have yet--
for advanced ovarian. Huh.
I'm sorry. They should have explained this to you.
I read between the lines.
What you need to think about is your code status
what you want them to do, um,
if your heart stops beating.
Well, you can be full code which means that if your heart stops,
we'll call a code blue and the code team will come in
and resuscitate you and take you to intensive care until you stabilize.
which means that if your heart stops,
uh, we'll just let it.
Now, you can think about it. But I just...
I just wanted to present you with both choices
before Kelekian and Jason come in and talk to you.
And you don't agree about this? They like to save lives.
- 他们不会同意吗？ - 他们倾向于抢救生命
So anything's OK as long as the life continues.
Doesn't matter if you're hooked up
to a million machines.
Kelekian's a great researcher. He is.
And the fellows like Jason, they're really smart.
And it's an honor for them to be working with him.
But they always want to know more things.
I always want to know more things.
when I had shoes...
when I had eyebrows.
OK, well, that's fine. I mean, you'll be full code.
- 好，很好 - 我是说，你可以选择“全力抢救”
Don't complicate the matter.
No, really, it's fine. It's up to you.
Just let it stop.
So if your heart stops beating...
I'll get Kelekian to give the order and then...
You're still going to take care of me, aren't you?
Don't you worry, sweetheart.
Well, that certainly was a maudlin display.
I can't believe my life has become so corny.
But it can't be helped. I don't see any other way.
We are discussing life and death,
and not in the abstract either. We are discussing my life and my death.
And I can't conceive of any other tone.
Now is not the time for verbal swordplay.
Nothing would be worse than a detailed scholarly analysis.
Erudition, interpretation, complication.
Now is the time for simplicity.
Now is the time for--
And I thought being extremely smart
would take care of it.
But I see that I have been found out. Ooh.
I want to hide. I just want to I just want to curl up in a little ball.
我想躲起来 我只想...只想蜷曲起来 躲进一个球里
I...I want to tell you...
I want to explain it.
To use my--my words...
, it's as if-- like I can't.
I'm in t-terrible pain.
I need to be--be in aggressive pain management
if I'm going to stand it.
Such a little word.
I--I think in this c-case...
signifies being alive.
We've located Dr. Kelekian, and he's on his way here.
And we'll get you some meds.
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh, it's just so painful. Shh. So painful.
It's a little pump with a little button, and you press it,
and you decide how much medication you want.
It's very simple, and it's all up to you.
Dr. Bearing. The pain is killing her.
Dr. Bearing... are you in pain?
I don't believe this.
I want a morphine drip.
What about patient-controlled? She could be more alert.
Ordinarily, yes. But in her case, no.
B-but I think she would really rather... She's earned a rest.
Morphine. Ten push now and start at 10 an hour.
Dr. Bearing, try to relax. We're gonna help you through this.
Dr. Bearing... Uh! Uh-huh.
KELEKIAN: Susie. Will you?
How are you feeling today?
These are my last coherent lines.
leave the action to the professionals.
It came so quickly after taking so long.
There's not even time for a proper conclusion.
I trust this will have a soporific effect?
Um, I don't know about that, but it sure does make you sleepy.
It's just-- soporific means...
"makes you sleepy."
Well, that was sort of dumb. Ha ha!
No, no, it was-- it was funny.
Yeah? In a dumb sort of way.
Well, I'm glad you explained it to me. Ha ha!
I never would've gotten that.
I'm a teacher. Ha ha!
Yeah, she was a great scholar. Wrote tons of books, articles.
She was the head of everything.
People used to hug the walls when she passed.
275, 520. Let's up the hydration.
She won't be drinking anymore. See if we can keep her kidneys from fading.
Yeah. I had a lot of respect for her,
What do you want, dextrose? Give her saline.
She gave a hell of a lecture. No notes, not a word out of place.
It was pretty impressive. A lot of students hated her, though.
Why? Well, she wasn't exactly a cupcake.
- 为什么？ - 她不是那么轻易能跟人妥协
She hasn't exactly been a cupcake here either.
Now, Ms. Bearing, Jason and I are here. We're gonna insert a catheter to collect your urine.
It's not gonna hurt, so don't you worry. Like she can hear you.
- 不会痛的，别担心 - 好像她听的见一样
It's just nice to do. Eight cycles of Hex and Vin at the full dose.
Kelekian didn't think it was possible. Then we could really have some data.
She's not what I imagined, you know.
I thought someone who studied poetry would be more dreamy.
Not the way she did it.
Her course was more like boot camp than English class.
This guy, John Donne, was incredibly intense.
Like, your whole brain had to be in knots before you could get it.
What, he made it hard on purpose? Well, it has to do with the subject matter.
- 他是故意写这么艰涩难懂吗？ - 不，这跟他写作主题有关
The Holy Sonnets we worked on mostly were mainly about salvation anxiety.
That's a term I made up in one of my papers--
He's this brilliant guy. I mean brilliant.
This guy makes Shakespeare sound like a Hallmark card.
And you know you're a sinner.
And there's this whole promise of salvation, the whole religious thing.
But you just can't deal with it.
Well, how come? Because it doesn't stand up to scrutiny.
- 为什么？ - 因为它经不起仔细的检视
But you can't face life without it either. So you write these screwed-up sonnets,
Like a game to make the puzzle so complicated.
What happens in the end?
The end of what? To John Donne. Does he ever get it?
- 什么结果？ - 约翰道恩啊！他成功了吗？
- 成功做什么？ - 救赎的渴望啊！
The puzzle takes over. You're not even trying to solve it anymore.
Fascinating, really. Like, great training for lab research--
Until what? What do you mean?
- 最终呢？ - 什么意思？
Well, what happens in the end? Do you ever get to solve the puzzle?
Nah. When it comes down to it, research is just trying to quantify
the complications of the puzzle.
You help people. I mean, you save lives and stuff. Well, sure, I save a guy's life.
- 你可是有在助人耶，你救过许多人的生命啊 - 我曾救过一个家伙
And the poor slob goes out and gets hit by a bus.
Yeah, I guess so. Guess I just don't think about it that way.
I guess you can tell I never took a course in poetry.
Well, if there's one thing we learned in 17th-century poetry, you can
forget all about that-- all that sentimental stuff.
Enzyme kinetics was more poetic than Bearing's class.
Besides, you can't just go around
thinking about all that meaning-of-life garbage all the time. You'd just go nuts.
Well, do you believe in it? Believe in what?
- 你相信吗？ - 相信什么？
I don't know. The meaning-of-life garbage.
What do they teach you at nursing school?
JASON: She's out of it. Shouldn't be too long.
You done here? Yeah, I'll just tidy up.
- 好了吗？ - 我清理一下
See you. Bye, Jase. This is so excellent...
- 再见了 - 再见
I'm in town visiting my great-grandson,
who is celebrating his fifth birthday.
I went to see you in your office,
and they directed me here.
I've been walking all over town.
I'd forgotten how early it gets chilly here.
There, there, Vivian.
It's a windy day.
Don't worry, dear.
Shall I recite something to you? Would you like that?
I'll recite something by Donne.
"The Runaway Bunny" by Margaret Wise Brown.
"Pictures by Clement Hurd.
First HarperTrophy edition, 1972."
"Once there was a little bunny "who wanted to run away,
"so he said to his mother, "'I'm running away.'
"'lf you run away,' said his mother...
"'I will run after you.
For you are my little bunny.'"
"'lf you run after me,' "said the little bunny...
"'I will become a fish in a trout stream
"'and I will swim away from you.'
"'lf you become a fish in a trout stream,' "said his mother,
"'I will become a fisherman, and I will fish for you.'"
A little allegory of the soul.
Wherever it hides God will find it.
"'lf you become a fisherman,' "said the little bunny...
"'I will be a bird and fly away from you.'
"'lf you become a bird "and fly away from me,' "said his mother,
"'I will be a tree that you come home to.'"
"'Shucks,' said the little bunny.
"'I might just as well stay where I am
"and be your little bunny.'
"'Have a carrot,' said the mother bunny."
"And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest." Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Professor Bearing, how you feeling today?
Oh. Well, that's it.
Code blue, room 707. Code blue, room 707.
Dr. Posner, P-o-s-n-e-r. Hurry up.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15.
She's DNR! She's research.
- 她是“放弃抢救”病患 - 她可是研究物件
Jason! She's no code!
Kelekian put the order in. And you were right there. You saw it yourself!
4-5-7-5. Cancel code, room 707.
MAN: I got it.
I got it. Move the bed. No, no, no, no. The patient is no code.
She's DNR! Let's go. Let's move it.
- 病人是放弃急救者 - 来吧，快
SUSIE: The patient is DNR! OK, unit staff clear! The patient is no code! She has no pulse.
- 病人是放弃急救者 - 清空
The patient is no code... Get that board under. Let's roll her. Ready? I'm the doctor...
- 病人已经放弃急救，这已经下令过了 - 板子拿来，把她翻过来
SUSIE: Stop it! WOMAN: She's charging.
Please listen to me. JASON: No.
Keep it going. Bicarb amp...
She's do not resuscitate!
Move out of the way. Go!
- 执行急救程序，快点 - 病人是放弃急救者
MAN: Still no reading, no pulse...
- 她已放弃急救了 - 没有脉搏
JASON: Hey. Hey, listen, I made a mistake! No code. The patient is no code!
- 是我搞错了 - 不急救，病人是放弃急救的
Who the hell are you? I'm Sue Monahan. I'm the primary nurse.
- 你是哪位？ - 苏默纳罕，护士长
Let me see the Goddamn chart. Should we stop?
The patient is no code. Just get away from her.
"Do not resuscitate. Kelekian."
The order was put in yesterday.
It's a doctor screw-up. What is he, a resident?
- 结果是医生搞错了 - 他是住院医师吗？
Got us up here on a DNR.
Called a code on a no-code.
though some have called thee "Mighty and dreadful,
for, thou art not so,"
"For, those, whom thou think'st, thou dost overthrow,
"Die not, poor Death,
nor yet canst thou kill me.
"Thou art slave to Fate, Chance, kings,
and desperate men,
"And dost with poison, war, and sickness dwell,
"And poppy, or charms can make us sleep as well,
And better than thy stroke;"
"why swell'st thou then;"
"One short sleep past,
we wake eternally,
"And death shall be no more,"
"Death thou shalt die!"