死侍 Deadpool

上映日期: 2,016

语言: 英语

影片类型: 喜剧 / 动作 / 科幻 / 冒险

导演: 蒂姆·米勒

演员: 瑞恩·雷诺兹 / 莫蕾娜·巴卡琳 / 艾德·斯克林 / T·J·米勒 / 吉娜·卡拉诺 / 布里安娜·希德布兰德 / 斯蒂芬·卡皮契奇 / 莱斯利·格塞斯 / 杰德·瑞斯 / 卡兰·索尼 / 斯坦·李


台词
# There'll be no strings to bind your hands #
# 放开你的双手 还你自由 #
二十世纪福克斯出品
# Not if my love can't bind your heart #
# 只因我的爱到不了你的心头 #
联手漫威公司制作
# There's no need to take a stand #
# 无需多言 #
一部傻逼电影
# For it was I who chose to start #
# 选择开始的是我 #
领衔主演 一个彻头彻尾的傻逼
# If morning's echoes say we've sinned #
# 若晨曦中回荡着我们的过错 #
一个漂亮妹子
# Well, it was what I wanted now #
# 正如我所愿 #
一个英国反派
# And if we're victims of the night #
# 若是黑夜蛊惑了我们的心 #
一个搞笑艺人
一个喜怒无常的小姑娘
# I won't be blinded by the light #
# 光芒亦不会蒙蔽我 #
# Just call me angel of the morning angel #
# 唤我作晨曦中的天使吧 #
一个电脑画出来的三维角色
# Just touch my cheek before you leave me, baby #
# 离开前再抚过我的双颊 爱人 #
# Just call me angel of the morning angel #
# 唤我作晨曦中的天使吧 #
一个免费客串
# Just touch my cheek before you leave me, baby #
# 离开前再抚过我的双颊 爱人 #
# Just call me angel of the morning angel #
# 唤我作晨曦中的天使吧 #
# Just touch my cheek before you leave me, darling #
# 离开前再抚过我的双颊 爱人 #
制作商 一群蠢蛋
# Just call me angel of the morning angel #
# 唤我作晨曦中的天使吧 #
作者 真正的英雄
# Just touch my cheek before you leave me, darling #
# 离开前再抚过我的双颊 爱人 #
导演 一个高薪跑堂的
# Mera joota hai Japani, yeh patloon Inglistani #
# 我的鞋子是日本货 我的裤子是英国货 #
# Sar pe lal topi Rusi, phir bhi dil hai Hindustani #
# 我的红帽子是俄罗斯货 但我的心是印度心 #
# Mera joota hai Japani, yeh patloon Inglistani #
# 我的鞋子是日本货 我的裤子是英国货 #
# Sar pe lal topi Rusi, phir bhi dil hai Hindustani #
# 我的红帽子是俄罗斯货 但我的心是印度心 #
I'm kinda lonesome back here.
我坐在后面好无聊
Little help...
搭把手...
Just... I have to keep my hands on the wheel.
我的... 双手不能离开方向盘
Excuse me!
抱歉!
- Dopinder. - Pool. Dead.
- 我叫多平德 - 姓死名侍
- Nice! - Smells good, no?
- 不错嘛! - 挺香的吧?
Not the daffodil daydream. The girl.
不是你的水仙熏香 是这个姑娘
Yes. Gita. She is quite lovely.
是啊 她叫基塔 是很不错
She would have made me a very agreeable wife. But...
她本来可以嫁给我当个好老婆 但是...
Gita's heart has been stolen by my cousin, Bandu.
基塔的心被我的表弟班杜偷走了
He is as dishonorable as he is attractive.
他外表光鲜 内心可耻
Dopinder, I'm starting to think there's a reason I'm in this cab today.
多平德 看来我坐这趟车是有原因的
Yes, sir, you called for it, remember?
是啊 先生 是你叫的车 记得吗?
No, my slender, brown friend. Love...
不是 我的深肤色瘦朋友 爱...
is a beautiful thing. When you find it,
是美好的东西 你找到之后
the whole world tastes like daffodil daydream.
整个世界都如水仙花般好闻
So you gotta hold on to love. Tight!
所以要抓住爱 抓紧!
And never let go.
永远都不要放手
- Don't make the same mistakes I did, got it? - Yah.
- 不要犯下和我一样的错 懂吗? - 懂了
Or else the whole world tastes like Mama June after hot yoga.
否则整个世界闻起都来像胖大妈胳肢窝里的孜然味儿
Sir, what does Ms Mama June taste like?
先生 胖大妈女士闻起来什么样的?
Like two hobos fucking in a shoe filled with piss.
就像两个流浪汉在装满尿的臭鞋里乱搞
I can go all day, Dopinder. The point is it's bad.
我可以给你形容一整天 多平德 重点是那很糟糕
It is bad
确实很糟糕
Why the fancy red suit, Mr. Pool?
为什么穿着红外衣呢 侍先生?
Oh, that's because it's Christmas day, Dopinder,
因为圣诞节啊 多平德
and I'm after someone on my naughty list.
我要追一个在我淘气名单上的人
I've been waiting, 1 year, 3 weeks,
为了让他弥补对我犯下的过错...
6 days and... 14 minutes to make him fix what he did to me.
我已经等了一年零三周又六天加十四分钟
- And what did he do to you, Mr. Pool? - This shit.
- 他对你做了什么 侍先生? - 这张破脸
Boo!
吓死你!
- They won't disappoint. - They'd better not!
- 他们不会失望的 - 最好不会!
- What about next month's shipment? - There won't be one.
- 下个月的货怎么说? - 下个月没货
You're not the only one with a war to win.
有麻烦要解决的又不止你一个人
That won't do.
那可不行
See, we've had this small disruption to our supply trade.
听着 我们的供货有一点小小的中断
We'd appreciate your patience.
我们会很感激你的耐心的
Okay...
好吧...
We'll deliver in full the following month.
再下个月我们会满载给你送货的
Pleasure doing business with you.
很高兴能与你交易
Fucking mutant!
这该死的变种!
Shit! I forgot my ammo bag!
该死! 我忘记带弹药包了!
- Shall we turn back? - No time. Fuck it. I got this.
- 要回去吗? - 没时间了 算了 我还有这些
9, 10, 11, 12 bullets. Or bust. Right here!
9 10 11 12发子弹 成败在此一举 就在这停!
That's $27.50.
一共二十七块五
I never carry a wallet while I'm working. Ruins the lines of my suit.
我工作的时候从来不带钱包 会破坏我的衣服线条
- But how 'bout a crisp high-five? - Okay.
- 要不清脆地击个掌就算了吧? - 好吧
Merry Christmas!
圣诞快乐!
And a convivial Tuesday and April to you, Pool!
祝你今天以及整个四月顺心愉快 侍先生!
# Hey, yeah, I wanna shoop, baby #
# 来一发吗 宝贝 #
# Shoop shoop ba-doop #
# 一发 一发 来一发 #
# Ummm, you're packed and you're stacked 'specially in the back #
# 你曲线曼妙 尤见翘臀 #
# Brother, wanna thank your mother for a butt like that #
# 老天 真要感谢你的妈妈生下如此尤物 #
# Can I get some fries with that shake-shake boobie? #
# 可否点一份薯条 边欣赏你的咪咪? #
# You're a shotgun-bang! What's up with that thang? #
# 你是一把猎枪 砰! 迷醉我的心房 #
Oh! Oh, hello!
哦! 哎呦 你们好啊!
I know, right? Whose balls did I have to fondle
我懂 你在想我是舔了哪位老大的蛋蛋
to get my very own movie?
才换来这部专属电影的
I can't tell you,
天机不可泄露
指wolverine 狼叔
but it does rhyme with "Pulverine". And lemme tell you...
但是他的名字是和"Pulverine"押韵的 要我说...
He's got a nice pair of smooth criminals down under!
他下面那对蛋蛋也是很如花似玉!
Anyway. I got places to be. A face to fix. And, oh!
总之 我还有地方要去 脸要补 还有 啊呀!
Bad guys to kill.
坏蛋要杀
Maximum effort.
全力以赴
Cock shot!
打鸡鸡!
Rich Corinthian leather!
奢华柯林斯皮革!
I'm looking for Francis!
我找法兰西斯!
Have you seen this man?
你有没有见过这个人?
Yanking, yanking!
拔萝卜 拔萝卜!
暗指口交的时候都是让对方吞精的
I've never said this, but don't swallow.
我从没说过这话 但是别吞下去
Shit. Did I leave the stove on?
该死 我是不是忘记关煤气了?
Now, breaking news.
突发新闻
A multi-car collision turned shots fired on the crosstown expressway this morning.
今早城郊高速发生一起连环撞车并发枪击案
Gridlock has kept police from the scene.
因交通拥堵警方无法到达案发现场
Residents are advised to remain in their homes.
建议居民待在家中
The assailant appears to be armed, dangerous, and wearing a...
凶手可能配备武器 非常危险 并且身着...
Red suit. Deadpool.
红色外衣 是死侍
Negasonic! Come. We have mission.
黑后! 过来 我们有任务了
Colossus, wait up.
钢人 等等
I've given Deadpool every chance to join us.
我一次又一次给了死侍加入我们的机会
But he'd rather act like a child. A heavily armed child.
但他宁愿像小孩一样做事 还是个重型武装的小孩
When will he grow up and see benefits of becoming X-Man?
他什么时候才能成熟点 看到成为X战警的好处?
Which benefits, the matching unitards?
有什么好处 统一紧身衣?
The house that blows up every few years?
隔几年炸飞一幢房?
Please. House blowing up builds character.
别抱怨 炸飞房子能塑造人格
You ate breakfast, yes? Breakfast is most important meal of day.
你吃过早饭了吧? 一日之计在于早饭
Here. Protein bar. Good for bones.
给你 蛋白棒 有助于骨头生长
Deadpool may try to break yours.
死侍可能会弄断你的骨头
Hey!
嘿!
Wait! You may be wondering why the red suit.
等等! 你们可能好奇为什么我要穿红衣服
Well that's so bad guys can't see me bleed.
这样坏蛋们就看不出我在流血了
This guy's got the right idea. He wore the brown pants.
这货就很懂嘛 怕吓出屎就穿了屎黄色的裤子
Fine! I only have 12 bullets,
好吧! 我只有12发子弹了
so you're gonna have to share!
你们可能要有弹同享了!
Let's count 'em down!
开始倒数!
Shit, motherfucker!
操 狗娘养的!
Ten! Shit.
十! 操
Nine! Fuck. Eight. Shit-fuck!
九! 妈的 八 操蛋!
Bad Deadpool.
蠢蛋死侍
Seven. Good Deadpool!
七 聪明死侍!
Someone's not counting.
有人忘记数子弹了哦
Six!
六!
Four...
四...
Gotcha!
傻逼了吧!
Right up main street!
正中菊花!
Three, two! Stupid! Worth it.
三 二! 浪费! 但值了
I'm touching myself tonight.
今晚我要撸一发
Francis! Francis!
小法兰西斯! 小法兰西斯!
What the shitbiscuit! Where you at, Francis?
他妈的小粪蛋! 你在哪 法兰西斯?
You're not Francis!
你又不是法兰西斯!
Really? Rolling up the sleeves?
逗我呢? 你还卷袖子?
You're probably thinking,
你可能在想
"my boyfriend said this was a superhero movie
"我男朋友告诉我这是部超级英雄片儿
but that guy in the red suit
但是那个穿红衣服的
just turned that other guy into a fucking cabob"
刚把人捅成了烤串"
Well, I may be super. But I'm no hero.
我可能超级厉害 但不是什么英雄
Anyhow, technically, this is a murder.
总之准确来说这是谋杀
But some of the best love stories start with a murder.
但绝佳爱情故事都是以谋杀开场的
And that's exactly what this is: a love story.
这部电影就是爱情故事
And to tell it right,
为了让你们更好理解
I gotta take you back to long before
我来说说过去的故事
I squeeze this ass into red spandex.
那时候我还没把自己塞进这件红衣服里
2年前
Look, would it help if I slow it down for you?
我慢点说 你能听懂吗?
I didn't order the pizza.
我没有叫披萨外卖
Is this 7348 Redledge Drive?
这里是红沿路7348号吗?
Are you Mr. Merchant?
你是默钱特先生吗?
The Mr. Merchant who didn't order the fucking pie!
这位默钱特先生没他妈点你们的外卖!
- Who placed the call? - I did!
- 那是谁打的电话? - 是我!
Pineapple and olive? Sweet and salty!
菠萝橄榄? 又甜又咸!
The fuck are you? The fuck are you doing in my crib?
你他妈是谁? 你在我家干什么?
- Is that bread crust? Don't move! - God, I hope not.
- 披萨边硬不硬? 别动! - 天啊 但愿不硬
Look, is this about that poker game? I told Howie I told him...
你是不是因为扑克那件事来的? 我告诉霍华德了...
Just ...
随便...
- Just take whatever you want. - Thanks!
- 你想拿什么就拿什么吧 - 多谢!
Sir, before you do anything to him,
先生 你动手之前
do you mind if I get a big tip?
介意多给我点小费吗?
Jeremy, is it? Wade Wilson.
你叫杰瑞米? 我是韦德·威尔森
That is a no go on the tip-aroo, Jer.
给你小费是没门的 小杰
I'm not here for him. I'm here for you.
我来不是找他的 是找你的
I dodged a big-time bullet on that one!
躲过了一场大劫啊!
Not, out of the woods yet.
没呢 别高兴太早
You need to seriously ease up on the bedazzling.
穿衣服别总挂些珠子链子的
They're jeans, not a chandelier.
这是牛仔裤 不是水晶吊灯
P.S. I'm keeping your wallet. You did kind of give it to me.
顺便 你的钱包我就留着了 是你自己给我的
Just look, man, can I have my...
老兄 我可以拿回...
I will shoot your fucking cat.
你敢我就打死你的臭猫
I don't really know what that means, I don't have a cat.
我听不懂你说什么 我没养猫
Then whose kitty litter did I just shit in?
那我刚才在谁家猫砂里拉屎了?
Anywho...
管他谁...
Tell me something. What situation isn't improved by pizza?
和我说说看 有哪些事是一块披萨解决不了的?
Do you happen to know a Megan Orflosky?
你认识梅根·沃夫罗斯基吗?
Get that right? Orflovsky?
没说错吧? 沃夫拉斯基?
- Orlovsky? - Yeah.
- 沃夫罗斯基? - 认识
Good.
很好
'Cause she knows you. Jeremy...
她可认识你 杰瑞米...
I belong to a group of guys who take a dime to beat a fella down.
我是专门拿钱帮人揍人的
And little Megan, she's not made of money,
而可怜的梅根没什么钱
but lucky for her, I got a soft spot.
但是她很幸运 我内心柔软
- I'm..... - A stalker.
- 我是... - 跟踪狂
Threats hurt, Jer. Though not nearly as badly as serrated steel.
威胁不好受 小杰 和这把钢刀没什么差别
- So keep away from Megan. Cool? - Yes, sir.
- 所以离梅根远一点 懂了吗? - 好的 先生
- And we're done. - Wait, we are?
- 完活 收工 - 等等 这就结束了?
Totally done. You should've seen your face!
完工了 看看你的小脸儿吓得!
I didn't know what to do, I was so scared...
我吓得都不知道怎么办才好了...
Soft spot, remember?
内心柔软 记得吗?
Even look in her general direction again
你敢再朝她的方向瞄一眼
and you will learn in the worst of ways that I have some hard spots, too.
我就让你领教领教我硬的地方
That came out wrong.
这话有歧义
Or did it?
还是没有?
Megan.
你是梅根
You've heard the last of Jeremy. He's sorry.
杰瑞米对你的最后一句话 他很抱歉
No friggin' way.
不会吧
Should've brought my roller blades.
就该穿着溜冰鞋来的
Show these kids how it's done.
在这帮孩子面前炫个技
And that's why we do it. But mostly the money.
咱干活就是为了这 但是大多数是为了钱
Hey. Think you can fuck up my step dad?
嘿 你可以搞一下我的继父吗?
If I can give the guy a pavement facial,
要我把他打到落花流水
it's 'cause he's earned it.
也应该是他罪有应得
Hey, wait.
嘿 等等
- You're my hero. - No, no, no, no, no. That, I ain't.
- 你是我的英雄 - 不不不 我可不是英雄
- Nope. Never will be. - Fuck you, Wade.
- 才不 永远都不是 - 去死吧 韦德
I'm just a bad guy who gets paid to fuck up worse guys.
我只是收人钱财替人消灾的坏蛋
Welcome to Sister Margaret's.
欢迎来到玛格丽特姐妹酒吧
It's like a job fair for mercenaries.
这里就个招聘市场
Think of us as really fucked up tooth fairies
我们和牙仙差不多
except we knock out the teeth and take the cash.
和牙仙不同的是我们打掉别人的牙齿还有钱拿
You'd best hope we never see your name on a gold card.
你最好祈祷自己的名字永远不要出现在金卡上
Buck! Liefeld.
巴克! 莱菲尔德
- Hey, Wade! - Wade Wilson. Patron Saint of the Pitiful.
- 嘿 韦德! - 韦德·威尔森 小瘟神
- What can I do for you? - I'd love a blowjob.
- 有什么需要吗? - 我要个吹箫
- Oh, God, me too. - The drink. With snuggle. But first...
- 我也想要 - 我是说饮料 带奶油 但是首先...
blowjob酒 深受同性恋人士喜爱
Hey, I ain't taking any babysitting money,
我拿这钱不是为了占便宜
- make sure that gets back to Miss... - Orlovsky?
- 我只是为了... - 沃夫罗斯基小姐?
- You sure? - Hmm.
- 你确定? - 确定
You know for a merc, you're pretty warm-blooded.
作为一个打手 你还是挺善良的
Bet you let the kid off easy, too.
我打赌你没怎么为难那孩子
He's not a bad kid. Just a little light stalking.
这孩子本性不坏 就是有点爱跟踪别人
I was way worse when I was his age, travelling to exotic places...
我在他那个岁数比他还坏呢 跑到各个国家去...
Baghdad, Mogadishu, Jacksonville,
巴格达 摩加迪沙 杰克逊维尔
meeting new and exciting people. And then..
去和那些激动的陌生人会面 然后...
Killing them. Yeah, I've seen your instagram.
杀了他们 我知道 看到你朋友圈了
So what were special forces doing in Jacksonville?
那时特种部队在杰克逊维尔干什么呢?
That's classified. They have wonderful TGIFridays!
这是机密 不过他们的周五聚会不能更棒!
Alright, kahlua, baileys and whipped cream.
好了 甘露咖啡酒 百利甜奶油
I give you, a blowjob. I'm...
我把吹箫给你了 我...
Why do you make me make that?
你为什么要让我调这酒?
Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly...
等等 凯丽 凯丽...
Take that over there to Buck,
把这酒带给巴克
please and tell him it's from Booth. Little foreplay.
说是布斯请他喝的 算是前戏
Remind me what good will come of this?
做这事有什么好处?
I don't take the shits, I just disturb them.
我才不管 我就爱捉弄他们
What you want?
你想怎样?
- Cheers. To your health. - Fuck you.
- 为你的健康干杯 - 去你妈的
That's a new stool.
那个凳子是新的
Stay the fuck down.
他妈的躺着吧
Alright, move, move, move, move.
好了 走吧 走吧 走吧
Buck, go rest.
巴克 去休息吧
Yap, He's still breathing.
好了 他还活着
Nobody wins today. Nice try, Wade.
今天没人赢钱 至少想法不错 韦德
You got me. I picked Booth in the dead pool. Who did you pick?
我押了布斯会死 你押了谁?
You know, Wade, about that....
韦德 这事嘛...
No. You did not bet on me to die.
你没赌我死吧
You bet on me to die. Wow.
你赌我死 哇
Motherfucker, you're the world's worst friend.
狗日的 你这个全世界最差劲的朋友
Well, joke's on you. I'm living to 102. And then die.
好吧 傻逼的是你 我会活到102岁才死
At the city of Detroit.
死在底特律
Sorry. I wanted to win money. I never win anything.
对不起 我只是想赢钱 我从没赢过
- Whatever. Soldiers of fortune, drink's on me! - Yeah!
- 随便你啦 各位打手 你们的酒我请啦! - 好啊!
Domestic! Nothing imported.
要国产的! 不要进口的
Woah, woah, woah. Baby...
哇哦 看看你 宝贝...
Are you sure you wanna shoot your whole wad?
你真想一下子"金尽人亡"啊?
Tight.
靓妹子
- Vanessa. - Wade.
- 我叫瓦妮莎 - 我叫韦德
What's a nice place like you doing in a girl like this?
你这种好地方怎么会到这种女孩来?
I'd hit that.
让我来一发
Buck, you'd best apologize before... yeah. That.
兄弟 你最好给我道歉 否则... 就那样
- Say the magic words, fat Gandalf. - I'm sorry.
- 甘道肥夫 说咒语吧 - 对不起
Breathe through the nose.
用鼻子呼吸
I don't have a filter between my brain and my...
我做事不经过脑...
Okay, hey. Hakuna his tatas, he's sorry!
好了 嘿 放开他的蛋蛋 他都说了对不起了!
Get outta here. Go cast a spell.
滚吧 施法去吧
Hey, hands off the merchandise.
嘿 别碰我的货
Merchandise, huh. So you...
你的货 呃 那你...
- Fun fuzzies for money? - Yup.
- 卖身不卖艺? - 没错
Rough childhood?
童年很悲惨?
Rougher than yours. Daddy left before I was born.
肯定比你悲惨 我爸爸在我出生前就跑了
Daddy left before I was conceived.
我妈怀孕前我爸就跑了
Ever had a cigarette put out on your skin?
你被烟头烫过吗?
Where else do you put one out?
烟头还有别的作用?
- I was molested. - Me, too. Uncle.
- 我被强奸过 - 我被鸡奸过 我叔叔干的
Uncles. They took turns.
还不止一个 他们轮流上呢
I watched my own birthday party through the keyhole of a locked closet
我被锁在衣柜里从锁眼观赏完了自己的生日派对
which also happens to be my...
那衣柜刚好还在我的...
Your bedroom. Lucky. I slept in a dishwasher box.
你的卧室 真幸运 我只能睡在洗碗机里面
You had a dishwasher. I didn't even know sleep.
你们家还有洗碗机呢 我都不知道睡觉为何物
It was pretty much 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn.
我日日被塞着塞口球 吃蛋糕粉 逼着看小丑演黄片
Who would do such a thing?
谁会对你干这种事啊?
Hopefully, you. Later tonight?
是你就好了 今晚见?
What can I get for 275 dollars and a yogurt rewards card?
我有275块钱 还有一张酸奶集点卡 能买什么服务啊?
Baby, about 48 minutes of whatever the fuck you want.
宝贝 48分钟 你想干啥干啥
And a low-fat dessert.
还能买一杯低脂点心
Did she just put a gift card in your mouth?
她刚刚是不是把礼品卡塞你嘴巴里了?
It's time to put balls in holes.
该把蛋蛋扔进洞洞了
- You said whatever I want. - I get it.
- 你说的想干嘛干嘛 - 我知道了
You love ski ball. Apparently more than you love vagina.
原来比起玩小妹妹你还是更喜欢玩球啊
That's a tough call.
很难选啊
I just wanna get to know the real you.
我只是想了解你这个人
Not the short-shorted 2-dimensional sex object peddled by Hollywood.
而不是花钱买来的单调无奇的大保健
Balls in holes.
投球进洞
Balls in holes.
投球进洞
- Prepare to lose tragically. - Bring it, big man.
- 准备好一败涂地吧 - 来吧 大家伙
A limited edition Voltron: Defender of the Universe ring, por favor.
我要限量版的宇宙守卫者戒指
Okay. Here you go.
好的 给你吧
I had this sucker for a while.
我想要这个已经好久了
- And I will take the pencil eraser. - Okay.
- 我就要一块橡皮吧 - 好的
You are now the proud protector of the planet Arus.
从今往后你就是阿鲁斯星球的守卫者了
And you, can erase stuff. Written in pencil.
你呢 就不怕写错字了
My lady.
小姐
I hate to break it to you, but your 48 minutes are up.
有个不幸的消息 你的48分钟用完了
How many more minutes could I get for this?
我拿这个能换多少时间?
FYI, 5 mini lion bots come together to form 1 superbot
五个迷你狮子机器人可以换一个超级机器人哦
5 mini lion bots? 3 minutes.
五个迷你狮子机器人? 三分钟
Deal. What do we do with the remaining 2:37?
成交 那剩下的两分三十七秒我们干什么?
Cuddle?
拥抱?
- How long can we keep this up? - All year?
- 我们能持续多久啊? - 一整年?
Happy Valentines' Day.
情人节快乐
- Happy Chinese New Year. - Year of the Dog.
- 春节快乐 - 是狗年哦
暗指doggy style 狗狗式 后入式
Relax... and happy International Women's Day.
放松... 国际妇女节快乐
No. No. No.
不 不 不
Happy Lenten.
大斋节快乐
- Wade! - Sorry. Happy Halloween!
- 韦德! - 对不起 万圣节快乐!
Happy Thanksgiving.
感恩节快乐
I love you.
我爱你
If your left leg is Thanksgiving,
如果你的左腿是感恩节
and your right leg is Christmas...
你的右腿是圣诞节...
Can I visit you between the holidays?
我能在两个节日中间来找你玩吗?
That sweater is terrible!
这毛衣丑哭了!
But red looks good on you.
但是你穿红色很好看
Red's your color. It brings out the bloodshot in your eyes.
你穿红色才好看 衬得你眼里的血丝更红了
- Listen. I've been thinking. - Really?
- 听着 我想了很多 - 是吗?
- 'Bout why we're so good together. - Why is that?
- 关于咱俩为什么这么合拍 - 为什么?
Your crazy matches my crazy. Bigtime.
你的疯狂和我的疯狂正好对上了
And we're like 2 jigsaw pieces. Weird curvy edges?
我们就像两块形状怪异的拼图 不是吗?
You put them together and you can see the picture on top.
拼在一起才能看出是一幅图
Right.
没错
Wade... There's something I've been meaning to ask you.
韦德... 有件事我一直想问你
But only because you haven't gotten around to asking me.
你一直没有机会问我这个问题
Will you....
你愿不愿意...
- Stick it up my... - Marry me?
- 插入我的... - 嫁给我?
对话时如果说了相同的话 要说jinx
Uh... jinx?
呃... 这么巧?
- Where were you hiding that? - Nowhere.
- 这东西你刚刚藏在哪里呢? - 没有哪里啊
- They said 1-month salary, so... - You mean...
- 他们说一个月的薪水啊... - 你是说...
- I do. - That's my line.
- 我愿意 - 别抢我台词啊
I love you, Wade Wilson.
我爱你 韦德·威尔森
You're supposed to... So that's a...
你其实应该说... 也就是说...
- Yes! - Woo!
- 我愿意! - 耶!
Yes!
太棒了!
I feel just like a little girl!
我感觉就像一个小女孩一样!
What if I just held on and never let go?
我能不能抱着你永远不放开?
Just ride the bitch's back like Yoda on Luke.
就像尤达骑在卢克身上那样?
- Star Wars jokes! - Empire!
- 星球大战! - 是帝国反击战!
Jesus Christ, it's like I made you in a computer!
天啊 你就像我用程序编出来的一样!
Perfect
太完美了
Pee break. Shake it, yeah.
尿尿时间 对 多扇几下
Here's the thing
其实吧
Life is an endless series of train wrecks
生活就是一系列的悲剧
with only brief commercial-like breaks of happiness.
偶尔插播几则有趣的广告
This had been the ultimate commercial break.
这一切都是最好的广告时间
Which meant it was time to return, to our regularly scheduled programme.
也就是说 我们马上就要回到正片了
- What the fu... - Oh my God, Wade!
- 怎么回事... - 天啊 韦德!
You're clowning. You're not clowning. I sense clowns.
你在开玩笑 没在开玩笑 我能感知到玩笑
People react to news of late-stage cancer differently.
每个人发现自己癌症晚期时候的反应都不一样
There are certainly options we can look into.
我们可以再研究一些方案出来
New drugs are being developed every day.
每天都有新的药物发明出来
So what do we do? Surely, there is something we can do.
那我们该怎么办? 肯定有什么办法的吧
My Uncle Ivan was diagnosed with Thyroid cancer
我的叔叔伊万被诊断患有甲状腺癌
and there were all these experimental drugs from Germany...
有一些从德国进口的实验性药物...
Vanessa's already working on plan A, B, all the way through Z.
瓦妮莎已经开始制定A计划 B计划 甚至是Z计划了
Me? I'm memorizing the details of her face.
我呢? 我在记忆她脸上的每一个细节
Like it's the first time I'm seeing it.
就像我第一次见到她一样
- Or the last... - Mr. Wilson
- 或是最后一次... - 威尔森先生
Mr. Wilson?
威尔森先生?
Take your time to process this.
你慢慢考虑这件事
It's important not to do anything rash.
千万不要做什么冲动的事
Now, if I were a 200 pound sack of assholes named Francis,
如果我是这堆180斤的法兰西斯垃圾
where would I hide?
我会藏在哪呢?
"A hush falls over the crowd as rookie sensation Wade W. Wilson out of Regina,
"观众沸腾了 来自萨斯喀彻温省里贾纳市的新手韦德·W·威尔森
Saskatchewan, lines up the shot."
瞄准开球"
"His form looks good."
"他的状态不错"
"And that's why Regina rhymes with fun."
"所以里贾纳听上去色色哒"
暗指vagina 女性私处
"Ladies and gentlemen, what you're witnessing is sweet, dick-kicking revenge!"
"女士们先生们 这漂亮的一脚高球踢出了复仇之乐!"
"Giving him the business! Incoming!"
"踢得他爽翻啦! 又来一脚!"
"This is taking unsportsman-like conduct to a whole new level!"
"他把体育无德精神带到了新高度!"
Looking good, Francis. Well-rested.
样子不错啊 法兰西斯 休息得挺好
Like you've been pitching, not catching.
小受再无反攻之日啦
Ringing any bells? No?
想起什么来了吗? 还没有?
How 'bout now?
现在呢?
Wade fucking Wilson.
操你妈的韦德·威尔森
- Well, hello, gorgeous. - Yeah, like I got bit by a radioactive Shar Pei.
- 你好啊 美人儿 - 我就像被一只带辐射的沙皮狗咬过一样
And whose fault is that, huh, Francis?
这是谁的错呢 法兰西斯?
Time to undo what you did to this butter face.
你得把我这烂脸给变回去
You should thank me. Apparently, I've made you immortal. I'm actually quite jealous.
你应该感谢我才对 我让你获得了永生 我还很嫉妒呢
Yeah, but this ain't a life worth living, is it? Now...
是啊 但是这样活着有什么意思? 接下来...
I'm about to do to you what Limp Bizkit did to music in the late 90's.
我要把你揍得稀巴烂 就像软饼干乐队毁了九十年代音乐一样
Dad?
爸比?
I think we can all agree that shit just went sideways in the most colossal way.
现在情况一下子跑偏到姥姥家了
Well, maybe not the most.
好吧 可能还没到姥姥家
This, is my most prized possession.
这是我最珍贵的宝贝了
- Wham? - No, no, no, no. WHAM!
- 威猛乐队? - 不不不 是威 猛 乐 队!
Make It Big is the album that George and Andy earned the exclamation point.
"使其出名" 是乔治和安德鲁成名的专辑
So, am I supposed to just smile and wave you out the door?
我是不是应该微笑着送你出门?
Think of it like spring cleaning. Only if spring was death.
想象成春季大扫除就好 把春季换成死亡
伯纳黛特·彼得斯 百老汇著名女演员
God, if I had a nickel for everytime I spanked at the Bernadette Peters.
天啊 要是每次对着伯纳黛特·彼得斯撸一发都能拿五美分 我就发财了
Sounds like you have. Bernadette is not going...
看样子你打过不少次啊 伯纳黛特哪都不去...
anywhere, because you're not going anywhere.
你也哪都不许去
- Drink. - You're right.
- 喝掉 - 你说得对
Cancer's only in my liver, lungs, prostate and brain.
癌细胞只扩散到了我的肝 肺 前列腺 还有大脑
All things I can live without.
我可不靠它们活着
You belong here at home. Surrounded by your Voltron,
你应该留在家里 和你的百兽王
and your Bernadette and your me.
你的伯纳黛特 和我待在一起
Listen, we both know that cancer is a shit show.
听着 你我都知道癌症就是一团乱麻
Like a Yakov Smirnoff opening for the Spindoctors
就像雅科夫·斯米诺夫在爱荷华州博览会上
at the Iowa State Fair. Shit show!
给"旋转医生"做暖场一样 一团乱!
And under no circumstances will I take you...
而我是绝对不会让你...
to that show.
也陷进去的
I want you to remember me, not the Ghost of Christmas Me.
我希望你能记住我 不是圣诞节扮鬼的那个我
- Well, I wanna remember 'us'. - I swear to God,
- 我想记住我们 - 我发誓
I'll find you in the next life and I'm gonna boombox
下辈子我会来找你 我会对着你的窗户
'Careless Whisper' outside your window Wham!
开大功率音响放"无心快语" 威猛乐队!
No one is boomboxing shit! OK?
什么都别放! 行吗?
We can fight this.
我们能战胜癌症的
Besides, I just realize something.
而且我正好想起来一件事
You win, your life is officially way more fuck up than my.
你赢了 现在你的生活正式比我的更惨了
I love you.
我爱你
- Hello, Weas' - Looks like you need a blowjob and a shower
- 你好啊 维斯 - 你看样子需要有人给你吹一管再洗个澡
Courtesy calls for the latter, first.
出于礼貌你还是先干第二件事吧
- How about 3 shots of Patron. - Or...
- 三杯龙舌兰怎么样 - 或者...
how 'bout 'triticum aestivum', wheat grass.
这个怎么样 小麦杆子
Excellent for the immune system.
对免疫系统好
Jesus Christ, you sound like Vanessa!
天啊 你怎么和瓦妮莎一样!
Check it out, she sent away for all these colorful clinic brochures.
你看看 她搞来了那么多花花绿绿的诊所的宣传单
I'm sure they're all FDA approved.
他们肯定都经过食品药品监督管理局认证的
In Chechniya, isn't that where you go to 'get' cancer?
这个还在车臣呢 那地方不是得癌症的好去处吗?
You got China and central Mexico.
还有中国和墨西哥中部的
- You know how they say 'cancer' in Spanish? - No.
- 你知道在西班牙语里"癌症"怎么说吗? - 不知道
- 'El cancer'. - Oh, I could'a guessed that.
- 就是"癌症"啊 - 这倒挺好猜的
Look at how happy you look here. You mind if I keep this,
你看你这样子多开心 我能不能留着这张照片
put it up, so I can remember? When you looked alive.
把它挂起来 好记着你还活着的样子?
At least now I'm gonna win the deadpool.
至少现在我能赢这场死亡赌局了
Now that you're gonna die tragically of cancer.
你现在会因癌症而死了
I got it Weas', thanks.
我知道 谢谢
Oh...
哦...
and that guy, over there, came in looking for you.
那边那个人刚刚来找你
Real Grim Reaper type.
看上去和死神一样
I dunno, might further the plot.
我不确定你该不该去
- Boothe. - Wade.
- 谢谢 布斯 - 不谢 韦德
- Mr. Wilson. - How can I help you?
- 威尔森先生 - 找我有什么事吗?
Besides luring children into a panel van.
除了帮忙把小孩骗进面包车这种事
I understand you've recently been diagnosed with terminal cancer.
我知道你最近确诊为癌症晚期
- Stalker alert. - It's my job. Recruitment.
- 你跟踪我啊 - 这是我的工作 招新
I'm sorry you've had such a tough go.
我对你的遭遇感到同情
But, you're a fighter.
但是你是个战士啊
Special forces: 41 confirmed kills.
特种部队 拿了41个人头
One every seven weeks. Same rate most folks get a haircut.
每七个礼拜杀一个人 跟一般人理发的频率差不多
Mm, this'll wash the taste down.
嗯 这能把味道冲一冲
It's tough to forget being so impressive.
牛逼的历史是磨灭不了的
And now you spend your days sticking up for the little people.
现在你为小人物出头
Yeah, people change. What do you want?
是啊 人们会变的 你想干什么?
I represent an organization that may be able to help.
我代表的组织也许可以帮到你
What if I told you we can cure your cancer?
如果我告诉你我们能治愈你的癌症呢?
And, what's more, give you abilities most men only dream of.
而且 我们还能赋予你大多数人想都不敢想的能力
I'd say that you sound like an infomercial, but,
听起来你就像电视广告上来的
not a good one, like Slapchop, more Shakeweighty.
还不是啥好玩的广告 像保健品 减肥药那样的广告
The world needs extraordinary soldiers.
这个世界需要非凡的战士
We won't just make you better.
我们不仅仅会把你变得更厉害
We will make you better than better.
我们会让你比更好还要好
A superhero.
你会成为超级英雄
Look, Agent Smith, I tried the hero business and it left a mark.
听着 史密斯探员 我想过要当超级英雄 但是失败了
But if I ever hit fuck-it, I'll look you up.
但要是我什么时候傻了 我会来找你的
Oh. Shit.
对了
We're within 500 yards of the school.
这里附近500码范围内就有个学校
So you may wanna, you know...
你要不还是去那找找...
His drink's on him.
他的酒让他自己付钱
What'd he say?
他怎么说?
Hey, what's going on?
嘿 怎么了?
连姆·尼森 飓风营救主演
Hey, sorry. I had a Liam Neeson nightmare.
嘿 对不起 我做了个有连姆·尼森的噩梦
I dreamt I kidnapped his daughter and he just wasn't having it.
我梦到我绑架了他的女儿 但他就是不乐意
They made 3 of those movies.
他们拍了三部这样的电影
At some point, you'd have to wonder if he's just a bad parent.
总该意识到他只是个不负责任的爸爸而已
The worst part about cancer isn't what it does to you.
癌症最糟糕的部分不是它对你的影响
But what it does to the people you love.
而是对你爱的人的影响
Who knew if this guy could save my life?
谁知道这人能不能救我的命?
But I knew there's only one way that I could save hers.
但是我知道想救她的命只有一种方法
Isn't that what superheroes do?
超级英雄不就该这样吗?
Okay. Let's pro con this superhero thing.
好了 让我们来辩证地聊一聊超级英雄这个事情
Pro: they pull down a gaggle of ass,
正方: 他们常解战袍度春宵
local dry cleaning discounts, lucrative film deals,
干洗店还有折扣 一票赚大钱的电影签约
both origin stories and larger, ensemble team movies.
都是原创的又长又臭的系列电影
Con: they're all lame-ass teacher's pets!
反方: 他们不过是一群蠢蛋乖孩子而已!
You know I can hear you.
你知道我听得到你说话的吧
Wasn't talking to you. I was talking to them.
我没在和你说话 我在和他们说
Stay right here. You've been warned before, Deadpool.
待在那里别动 我警告过你了 死侍
This is a shameful and reckless use of your powers.
这是在滥用自己的能力
You will both be coming with us.
你们俩都和我们走一趟
Look Colossus, I don't have time for the goody two-shoes bullshit right now.
钢人 我没时间听你念经扯那些大道理
And you are?
你又是谁?
Negasonic Teenage Warhead.
黑后
Negasonic Teenage... What the shit?!
黑后... 什么鬼?!
That's the coolest name ever!
你怎么有这么屌的名字!
- So what, you're like his sidekick? - No. Trainee.
- 这么说你是他的小跟班? - 不是 训练生而已
Let me guess, X- Men left you behind on what, shit detail?
怎么了 X战警跑去干大事 把你们留在这和泥巴吗?
What does that make you?
你岂不是泥巴都和不来?
Pretending you're not here, Negasonic Teenage Warhead. Can we trade names?
宝宝听不见你说话 黑后 咱俩换个名怎么样?
- Can we go? - "Look! I'm a teenage girl!"
- 我们可以走了吗? - "看啊! 我还是个小姑娘!"
"I'd rather be anywhere than here.
"我可不想待在这里
I'm all about long, sullen silences,
我只想漫长又阴郁地沉默一下
followed by mean comments, followed by more silences."
再发表一些刻薄的评论 然后接着保持沉默"
So what's it gonna be? Long, sullen silence?
所以你接下来要怎么样? 接着继续沉默?
Or mean comment? Go on.
还是刻薄地回击? 开始吧
You got me in a box here.
你在给我下套
We can't allow this, Deadpool. Please, come quietly.
我们不允许你这样 死侍 就安安静静地和我们走吧
- You big, chrome cockgobbler! - That's not nice.
- 你这个该死的铬合金的大鸡巴! - 别说脏话
You really got to fuck this up for me? Trust me...
你真要把我的事搅黄了? 相信我...
That wheezing bag of dick-tips has it coming! He's pure evil!
那个苟延残喘的龟孙子! 他才是邪恶的化身!
Besides, nobody's getting hurt.
再说了 我又没伤害任何人
That guy was already up there when I got here.
我来之前那人就挂上面了
Wade, you are better than this.
韦德 你不是这样的人
Join us, use your powers for good.
加入我们吧 用你的能力来造福人类
Heads up!
当心!
Be a superhero.
成为一个超级英雄
Listen! The day I decide to be a crime-fighting shit-swizzler,
你听好了! 如果哪天我决定变成一个罪犯粉碎机
who rooms with a bunch of other little whiners,
还要和那帮废物共处一室
at the Neverland Mansion of some creepy,
住在你们那个
old, bald, heaven's gate looking motherfucker,
秃头老东西的大豪宅里
on that day, I'll send your shiny, happy ass a friend request.
等到这天 我会给你发条金光闪闪的好友申请
But until then, I'mma do what I came here to do.
但是在那之前 我要做我想做的事情
- Either that, or slap the bitch out of you! - Wade...
- 你们可以别挡路 要不然我一个巴掌扇死你! - 韦德...
- Hey. Hey, Douchepool! - Zip it, Sinead!
- 嘿 嘿 屎侍! - 给我闭嘴 光头强!
And I hope you're watching...
你给我看好了...
Quite unfortunate.
非常不幸运
That does it!
爸爸生气了!
Canada!
加拿大!
- That's not good. Cock shot! - Wade, please.
- 这可不行 打鸡鸡! - 韦德 别这样
Oh, your poor wife!
哦 你老婆得有多可怜啊!
You really should stop.
说真的 你该停手了吧
现在死侍双手形似霸王龙
All the dinosaurs fear the T-Rex.
好在恐龙们都怕霸王龙
I promise this gets worse for you, big boy!
你马上就要吃苦头了 大块头!
This is embarassing.
真是丢人
Please. Stay down.
好了 住手吧
Did you ever hear of the one-legged man in the ass-kicking contest?
你听说过独腿少年踢屁股大赛吗?
Do you have 'off' switch?
你就没有"关机"键吗?
Yeah, it's right next to the prostate.
当然有 就在前列腺旁边
Or is that the 'on' switch?
那也有可能是"性奋"键?
Enough!
够了!
Let us go talk to the Professor.
我们去找X博士聊聊
二人都是X博士扮演者
McAvoy or Stewart? These timelines are so confusing...
是麦卡沃伊还是斯图尔特? 你们的时间线实在是太混乱了...
Dead or alive, you're coming with me!
无论死活 你都要跟我走!
You will recover, Wade. You always do.
你会痊愈的 韦德 你总能痊愈
Did you ever see "127 Hours"? Spoiler alert!
你看过"惊恐127小时"吗? 剧透预警!
Oh my God. Nasty.
天啊 真恶心
Oh, there's the money shot, baby.
看我颜射你 亲爱的
Are you there, God? It's me, Margaret.
害怕了吗 受伤了吗
Rock, meet bottom.
跌入生涯谷底
When life ends up breathtakingly fucked,
当你被生活上了个遍的时候
you can generally trace it back to one big, bad decision.
你总能把一切归咎于一个非常糟糕的决定
The one that sent you down the road to Shitsburg.
一个把你送上那条屎一样不归路的决定
This, well, this was mine.
没错这就是我的决定
Mr. Wilson. Nothing warms my heart more than a change of someone else's.
威尔森先生 能改变你的心意真是感人肺腑
You've finally hit fuck it.
你终于决定破釜沉舟了
Just promise you'll do right by me.
请你保证这是个正确的决定
- So I can do right by someone else. - Of course.
- 好让我回报社会 - 当然
And please don't make the super suit green. Or animated!
求你千万别把我的战衣搞成绿色的或是漫画风的!
This place seems sanitary. My first request is warmer hands.
这个地方瞧着还真是卫生 您捂下手再碰我
And Jesus! A warmer table.
哎呀! 桌子更暖和
You should really come up with a safe word, fellas.
你真该想个安全词出来 朋友
I'm thinking 'pork and beans'.
我觉得"猪肉豆子"就不错
Easy!
轻点!
Aren't you a little strong for a lady?
作为女人你是不是太强壮了点?
I'm calling Wang.
我猜你有丁丁
What's up with the matches?
叼根火柴是什么情况?
Oral fixation? Or just a big Stallone fan?
你是嘴上闲不住还是史泰龙的铁粉?
Patience, Angel. All in good time.
耐心点 安吉尔 慢慢来
Are you here for the turn down service or what?
你是来提供夜床服务还是什么?
We have another talker.
又来了个屁话多的
I'm just excited about my first day at superhero camp.
我只是第一天来到超级英雄训练营非常激动
Shut the fuck up.
闭上你的嘴
Mr. Wilson, my name's Ajax. I manage this workshop.
威尔森先生 我的名字是阿贾克斯 这个车间归我管
All of my welcome speeches used to be filled with euphemisms like,
我的欢迎辞一般都很委婉 比如
"this may hurt a little,"
"这可能会有点疼"
or "this might cause you some discomfort."
或者"这会让你有点不适"
But I'm going blunt.
但是现在我就直说了
This workshop is not a government-led program.
这车间不是什么正规的政府项目
It's a private institution that turns reclamation projects like yourself into men of....
这是专门回收你这类人的私人研究所 然后再把你们变成...
extraordinary abilities.
拥有特殊能力的人
But if you think superhuman powers are acquired painlessly...
但是如果你以为超能力是随随便便就得到的...
Wrong.
那就大错特错了
I'm injecting you with a serum
我给你注射的这个血清
that activates any mutant genes lurking in your DNA.
能激发潜伏在你DNA里的变种基因
For it to work, we need to subject you to extreme stress.
为了能起作用 我们要把你放在一些极端的环境中
You've heard the whole,
你肯定听说过
"make an omelet, break some eggs" bit, I hope.
"置之死地而后生"这句话吧
I'm about to hurt you, Wade.
我就要动手伤害你了 韦德
I was a patient here once myself, you know.
我曾经也是这里的一个病人
The treatment affects everyone differently.
这项治疗对每个人的影响都不一样
It made Angel inhumanly strong.
它让安吉尔变得强壮异常
In my case, it enhanced my reflexes,
而它增强了我的反应能力
also scorched my nerve endings so I no longer feel pain.
同时也烧毁了我的神经所以我再也感觉不到疼痛了
And in fact, I no longer feel anything.
事实上 我什么都感觉不到了
Thank... thank you! You have something in your teeth.
谢谢... 谢谢你! 你牙齿上有点东西没洗干净
Right in the middle there, just... Nugget of romaine lettuce or something.
就在牙中间 是... 一片生菜一样的东西
It's been bothering me for a long time.
我忍很久了
Made you look. Hey, is Ajax your actual name,
骗到你看了一眼 嘿 阿贾克斯是你的真名吗
because it sounds suspiciously made up.
我很怀疑是编的啊
What is it really? Kevin? Bruce? Scott?
你真名叫什么? 凯文? 布鲁斯? 斯科特?
Mitch? Rickster? Is it Basil Faulty?
米琪? 瑞克斯特? 是不是叫缺陷罗勒?
Joke away. One thing that never survives this place is your sense of humor.
继续贫吧 时间长了你的幽默感就消耗殆尽了
- We'll see about that. - I suppose we will.
- 咱们走着瞧 - 那我们走着瞧
He's all yours.
交给你了
C'mon. You're gonna leave me all alone here with less angry Rosie O'Donnell?
拜托 你就这么把我扔给这粉红脸关公了?
This is how it's going to work.
接下来的过程是这样的
Adrenaline acts as a catalyst for the serum
肾上腺素是血清作用的一种催化剂
so we're gonna have to make you suffer.
所以我们要让你痛不欲生
If you're lucky,
如果幸运的话
your mutant genes will activate
你的变种基因会被顺利激活
and manifest in a spectacular fashion.
并神奇地显现出来
If not, well, we'll have to keep on hurting you.
否则我们只好继续折磨你
In new and different ways, each more painful than the last.
用各种方式折磨 每一种都会让你痛不欲生
Until you finally mutate...
直到你最终变异...
or die.
或者直接死了
You mean like a bucket list?
你说遗愿清单啊?
Like a fuck it list, I'd like to light a spiff off the Olympic torch.
就像泡妞清单一样 我想用奥运火炬点根烟
Acid to me, right after.
点完记得也给我借个火
Let's not forget:
完事别忘了:
naked tandem base jumping with the WNBA's Sacramento Monarchs.
还有和美国女子职业篮球萨君队队员一起裸体跳伞
Anything on my bucket list would involve public nudity.
只要涉及当众裸露的全都上了我的遗愿清单
荷兰烤箱 把对方蒙在放过屁的被窝里
Finally, giving Meredith Baxter Birney a dutch oven.
最后一件事 给梅勒迪斯·巴克斯特送个荷兰烤箱
No, receiving a dutch oven from Meredith Baxter Birney.
不 是让梅勒迪斯·巴克斯特送个荷兰烤箱
Making banana pancakes... for my kids...
给我的孩子们... 做些香蕉薄饼
Vanessa...
我要瓦妮莎...
I wanna see Vanessa.
我想见见瓦妮莎
Oh, lovely. I don't know about anyone else but, I'm touched.
真感人 我不知道其他人怎么想 但是我很感动
We're just joking.
我们只是在闲扯
No, no. It's okay. I encourage distractions.
不 不 没事的 我是鼓励娱乐精神的
Wouldn't want you giving up on us now, would we?
我们可不想让你们对我们失去信心 对吧?
Hey, don't take any shit from him, Cunningham.
嘿 别理他 卡宁汉
How tough can he be...
他能有多强大...
- with a name like Francis? - Francis?
- 他的名字都叫妇兰熙斯 - 法兰西斯?
It's his legal name. He got Ajax from a dish soap.
那是他的真名 阿贾克斯是他从洗洁精上随手抄来的
F... R... A... N... C... I... oops!
法... 兰... 西... 斯... 唷!
Snagged the dry cleaning tag off your lab coat.
从你送去干洗的实验服上扯下来的
FYI, I can probably get you a superhero discount.
顺便说一声 我也许能给你搞个超级英雄折扣哦
You are so relentlessly annoying.
你真是无时无刻不在讨人嫌
Thanks. Never heard that before.
多谢夸奖 我还没听过这话呢
Why don't you do us all a favor and shut the fuck up?
行行好把你那臭嘴闭上吧?
Or I'll sew your pretty mouth shut.
要不然我就把你漂亮的小嘴缝上
Oh, I wouldn't do that if I were you.
哦 如果是我才不会那么干
See, here's the problem with round the clock torture
瞧 这种一刻不停地折磨有个缺点
it's that you can't really step it up from there.
就是你没有更狠的办法了
Is that what you think?
你真这么以为?
If this doesn't unlock your mutation, then, well, nothing will.
如果这都没办法激活你的变种基因 那么 估计就没办法了
What we're gonna do is lower the oxygen concentration in the air
我们要持续降低舱内的含氧量
to the exact point you feel like you're suffocating.
直到你感觉到窒息
If your brain wave's slowing and you're about to pass out,
如果你的脑电波减缓 即将昏迷
then we'll turn up the O2.
我们才会通氧气
If your heart rate slows meaning you're able to catch your breath, we'll turn it back down.
如果心率变低说明你还能喘上气 我们就继续减少输氧
And that's where we'll leave you. Right there.
然后把你留在这个状态 保持住
I thought you guys were dicks before...
我还以为你们不能再混蛋了呢...
You know the funniest part of this?
你知道最有意思的是什么吗?
You still think we're making you a superhero.
你还天真地以为我们要把你变成超级英雄
You? A dishonorable discharge? Hip deep in hookers?
就你? 一个没用的打手? 整天躺在女人堆里打滚?
You're nothing. A little secret, Wade...
你什么都不是 告诉你个小秘密吧 韦德...
This workshop doesn't make superheroes, we make superslaves.
这车间不生产超级英雄 我们生产超级奴隶
We're gonna fit you with a control collar and auction you off to the highest bidder.
我们会给你们套个监控项圈卖给出高价的人
And that's what they'll have you doing.
接着你们的活就是
Terrorizing citizens, putting down freedom fighters.
恐吓市民 干掉人权卫士
Maybe just mow the occasional lawn.
当然也可能偶尔帮他们修下草坪
What the fuck is wrong with you?
你脑子坏掉了啊?
You're never going home after this. Now there's a brave face.
你再也回不了家了 瞧瞧你这勇敢的小脸蛋
Wait, wait, wait...
等等 等等 等等...
Seriously, you actually have something in your teeth now.
说真的 你牙缝里真的有东西没弄干净
- Enjoy your weekend. - Weekend? Back up, weekend?
- 周末愉快 - 周末? 要搞到周末?
Did I say this was a love story? No. It's a horror movie.
我之前是不是说过这是爱情故事? 不 其实是个恐怖电影
Fucking hell! Looks like someone lost a shot at homecoming king.
真够恶心的! 似乎某人当不上校友日的国王了啊
What have you done to me?
你对我做了什么?
I've mainly raised your stress levels high enough to trigger a mutation.
我只是提升了你的应力水平来触发变异而已
- You sadistic fuck! - I've cured you, Wade.
- 你这狗日的虐待狂! - 我治好了你 韦德
Now your mutated cells can heal anything.
现在你的变种基因什么都能治愈
Striking your cancer as fast as it can form.
能迅速清除癌症细胞
Yeah, I've seen some other side effects before...
更糟副作用我也见过...
I could cure them.
我都能治好
But where's the fun in that?
但是治好了多没意思呢?
Now I'm gonna shut you in again, Wade.
我要继续折磨你了 韦德
Not because I need to.
这次折磨你没有目的
Because I want to.
只是我想折磨你
Farewell. Go ahead.
再见了 继续吧
You already smell like shit.
你臭得像坨屎
- Motherfucker... - That's alright, it's alright...
- 狗日的... - 没事的 没事的...
I think we have earned that one.
让他占点小便宜也没什么
You take off. Go on, off you go.
你走吧 先走吧
Quick question:
提问:
What's my name?
我叫什么名字?
Didn't think so.
就知道你不会再贫了
Sorry, Francis. My lips are sealed.
抱歉 法兰西斯 我说不了话
You don't wanna kill me.
你才不会杀我
I'm the only one who can fix your ugly mug!
只有我能治好你的脸
What's my name?
我叫什么名字?
Wade...
韦德...
I didn't just get the cure to el cancer...
我不光治愈了癌症...
I got the cure to el everything.
我还得到了无限自愈的能力
But there was only one thing that really mattered.
但是我只在乎一件事情
No way. I'm not making her life as ugly as mine.
不行 我绝不能把她的人生搞得和我一样恶心
Come on, Wade, it can't be that bad.
拜托 韦德 不会那么糟的
Bullshit! I'm a monster inside now.
放屁! 我现在就是个怪物
- I belong in a fucking circus. - Wade, Vanessa loves you.
- 我像是从马戏团里走出来的 - 韦德 瓦妮莎是爱你的
- She doesn't care what you... Oh! - Do you like what you see?
- 她不会在意你的... 哦! - 你喜欢这张脸脸吗?
No. You look like an avocado had sex with an older, more disgusting avocado.
不 你就像是个牛油果正在干另一个更老更恶心的牛油果
Not gently. He was hate fucking.
而且很不温柔 它一点都不想干
There was something wrong with the relationship
它们两果的感情生活不太和谐
and that was their only catharsis without violence.
不用暴力 只能用这种方式宣泄
And the only guy who can fix this fugly mug
唯一能复原我这张丑脸的
is the British shitstick who ran the mutant factory.
是那家变种人车间的屎棍英国人
And he's gone... Poof!
并且他还消失了... 咻!
You gotta do something to remedy this.
你得想办法补救
'Cause as of now, you only have one course of action:
因为目前为止你只有一条出路:
- Damn straight. Find Francis. - Star in horror fims.
- 没错 找到法兰西斯 - 拍恐怖片
- What? - Star in your own horror films.
- 啥? - 自己拍个恐怖片啊
弗莱迪 "猛鬼街"主角 面部烧伤犹他州山脉众多 立体地图凹凸不齐
'Cause you look like Freddy Krueger face fucked a topographical map of Utah.
因为你看起来像弗莱迪用脸操了犹他州立体地图一样
Here's what I'm actually gonna do:
我准备这么做:
I'm gonna work through his crew until somebody gives up Francis
我先撬开他手下人的嘴了解法兰西斯的情况
force him to fix this,
逼他治好我的脸
put a bullet in his skull, and fuck the brainhole.
对他脑门开一枪 再用老二捅坏那子弹洞
I don't wanna see that, or think of it again. But,
这场面我不想看 也不想脑补 但是
- the douchebag does think you're dead, right? - Yeah.
- 那混蛋不是以为你死了吗? - 对啊
That's good. You should keep it that way.
这是好事啊 就让他这么想
What, like, wear a mask?
怎么搞 带个面具?
Yes, a very thick mask. All the time. I'm sorry, you're haunting.
对 一直带着厚面具 抱歉 但你实在丑得惊天动地
Your face is the stuff of nightmares.
你这张脸吓得人做噩梦
Like a testicle with teeth.
就像长着牙齿的蛋蛋
You will die alone.
你会孤独终老的
I mean if you could die. Ideally. For others' sake.
假如你死得了的话 算是造福社会了
That'll do.
那样也行
What you need now is a suit and a nickname, like Wade the Wisecracker...
那现在你还差套战袍和一个外号 比如贱嘴韦德...
- or Scaredevil, Mr. Neverdie. Oh, shit. - What?
- 或者夜魔吓 永生侠 他妈的 - 怎么了?
I put all my money on you,
我把家底都拿去押你死了
- and now I just realized I'm never gonna win the.... - Deadpool...
- 现在才发现永远都赢不了那... - 死侍...
Captain Deadpool.
死侍队长
No. Just just Deadpool. Yeah.
不 只要"死侍"就好
To you, Mr. Pool. Deadpool. That sounds like a fuckin' franchise.
敬你一杯 侍先生 死侍 这名字听着就卖座
# Deadpool #
# 死侍 #
# Deadpool #
# 死侍 #
# Deadpool #
# 死侍 #
This shit's gonna have nuts in it!
这下有得玩了!
# They call me Deadpool, I'm hella fast #
# 他们叫我死侍 我超级快 #
Where's Francis?
法兰西斯在哪?
# Came to merc the bad guys, and get some ass #
# 干掉坏蛋 再去约炮 #
# Got blades for days, got guns galore #
# 刀枪不缺 弹药不少 #
# Got combo moves, evades and more #
# 连续出手 躲闪如我 #
Where is Francis?
法兰西斯在哪?
# Run away, you know that I'll chase #
# 快跑吧 我总能把你揪出来 #
# Every bad guy, put them right in their place #
# 混蛋自有恶报 #
# Revenge, I'm gonna give you a taste #
# 我会让你尝到复仇的滋味 #
# I'm sexy as hell, but I cover my face #
# 我性感如魔鬼 却蒙住帅脸 #
Seltzer water and lemon for blood. Or wear red. Dumbass!
苏打水和柠檬汁能去血渍 要么就直接穿一身红 白痴!
# Captain Deadpool ( Nah, just Deadpool ) #
# 死侍队长 不要 就叫死侍 #
# Merc with a mouth, I can't die #
# 我是话痨打手 但我不会死 #
# One foot in the grave but I'm still alive #
# 鬼门关里走了一圈 但我还是活着 #
# Try to kill me, I'll just revive #
# 来杀死我吧 我还是会复活 #
# Then I'll put another bullet right between your eyes #
# 然后一弹射中你的眉心 #
Don't make me ask twice.
我不想问第二次
Where is Francis?
法兰西斯在哪?
He made me ask twice. Is the mask muffling my voice?
他逼我问了两次 是这个面具盖住了我的声音吗?
# I'm bout to take you all to school with guns and knives #
# 我手持刀枪 揍你们个教训 #
# Deadpool #
# 死侍 #
# Telling jokes and breaking the rules, I came for the Taco's #
# 耍贫嘴 坏规矩 来份儿卷饼 #
Where is Francis?
法兰西斯在哪?
# Playing with the ladies and the Family Jewels, but bust a nut #
# 玩妞又玩蛋 蝌蚪出来窜 #
Where the fuck is Francis?
法兰西斯死哪儿去了?
# Bout to throw down, with all these fools, so come and get some #
# 把这些蠢货撂倒 快来接招吧 #
You're about to be killed by a Zamboni!
这辆磨冰车马上要干掉你啦!
Where is Francis?
法兰西斯在哪里?
- No, please... - Oh, God. I'm so sorry.
- 求你 不要... - 天啊 真抱歉
Little spider- monkey!
小蜘蛛猴!
# The crazy ass guards are looking to duel, so click click boom #
# 打手渴望决斗 BGM放起来 #
# Deadpool #
# 死侍 #
Where is Francis?
法兰西斯人呢?
# Taco's and Beers, always keeping it loose #
# 卷饼就啤酒 尽情吃和喝 #
# Hang on for a minute while I'm dropping a deuce #
# 等一下 我去玩个大的 #
This is confusing! Is it sexist to hit you,
我都懵了! 打你是性别歧视
is it more sexist to not hit you, the line gets real blurry!
不打你更是性别歧视 太难定义了!
Donde esta Francesca?
法兰西斯在哪里?
# Sexy motherfucker #
# 性感的混蛋 #
Tell me where your fucking boss is!
告诉我你那狗日的老板在哪!
Or you're gonna die! In 5 minutes!
否则干掉你! 给你五分钟!
# Sexy motherfucker #
# 性感的混蛋 #
# Sexy motherfucker #
# 性感的混蛋 #
杰拉德 赛百味的代言人
Nice to see you, Jared. I'll take a foot long. Fully loaded.
见到你真好 杰拉德 给我来个三明治 我的枪都上膛了
41 confirmed kills. Now it's 89, about to be 90.
我已经杀了41个人 现在有89人 等着你当90
Mr. Wilson?
威尔森先生?
- You're looking very alive. - Hah! Only on the outside.
- 你看上去真是生龙活虎 - 哈! 皮囊之上如此
This is not going to end
这事对你不会有好处的
This is not gonna end well for you, no.
对你也不会有好处
- Where's your boss? - I can tell you exactly where.
- 你老板呢? - 我可以告诉你他的确切位置
You'll tell me. But first, you might wanna look away for this.
你当然得告诉我 不过先把血腥镜头转一转
Now this little piggy went to...
好了 小猪仔去哪...
Thank you, Agent Smith.
谢谢 史密斯特工
Taxi!
的士!
Hop in! Great day for a ride.
上来! 是个兜风吉日
And we all know how this turned out.
接下来的剧情你们都知道了
Whoops! You weren't meant to see that.
哎呀! 没想给你们看这个的
There. All caught up.
瞧 前番均补回
Sorry! About bleeding at all your garbage.
不好意思! 流的你满垃圾都是血
Seltzer water and lemon for blood.
苏打水和柠檬汁可以去血渍
Some kinds of anger can't be managed.
有些脾气盖都盖不住
Like the kind where your year- long plan ends with the wrong guy getting dismembered!
就好你比计划多年的阴谋却杀错了人!
That said, when it comes time to licking wounds, there's no place like home.
据说 家是最好的疗伤之处
And I am sure that "home" is someone you've meet
我说的"家"就是你们在洗衣房见过的那个
the old blind lady from the laundry, Al
瞎眼的老阿婆 阿尔
god, I miss cocaine!
天啊 真想念可卡因!
Her!
就是她!
打破第四堵墙 指角色突然从剧情抽离向观众讲述角色的情绪 状态以及情节的发展
Forth wall break inside of forth wall break.
打破第四堵墙中的第四堵墙
That's likes... 16 walls.
也就是... 打破十六道墙
指电影"蝙蝠侠与罗宾" 罗宾是蝙蝠侠不可或缺的助手
She is like robin and my batman, expect she is old,
她同我就像罗宾与蝙蝠侠 不过她又老
and black,
又黑
and blind.
又瞎
And I think she is in love with me.
并且 我觉得她爱上了我
Wait, pretty sure robin loves batman too?
等等 似乎罗宾也爱蝙蝠侠?
Morning, sleepyhead.
早上好 瞌睡虫
It smells like old lady pants in here.
这里一股子老妈子的臭裤子味
Yes I'm old, I wear pants.
没错 我老了 而且穿着裤子
But you're no lady. Oh, so comfy.
但你根本不算个女人 噢 好舒服
Upside of being blind, I've never seen you in crocs.
瞎了有个好处 我从来不用看你穿洞洞鞋
You mean my big, rubber, masturbating shoes?
你是说我的大大橡胶撸撸鞋吗?
Yes I know. Downside of being blind, I hear everything in this duplex.
我知道 坏处就是这栋楼的声音我都听得一清二楚
- Sit on a stick. - Bactine?
- 菊花被爆了 - 伤口急救喷雾要吗?
Bactine should do it.
急救喷雾应该管用
How's that KULLEN coming along?
那套库兰系列怎么会在这?
Ikea doesn't assemble itself, you know.
宜家不是从没有组装好的家具吗
You're telling me.I don't mind the Kullen.
还用你说 我才不管什么库兰系列
It's an improvement on the Hurdal.
至少比胡铎系列改进很多
Anything's an improvement over the HURDAL.
什么都比胡铎系列强好吗
I'd taken an HEMNES or a TRYSIL over the HURDAL.
我宁愿要赫门斯或者特里索也不要胡铎
No, I didn't get excited 'till I saw KULLEN.
不 我只有看到库兰系列才兴奋的起来
Screw, please.
请给我个螺丝钉
screw也有性交的意思
Here? Now? Just kidding. I know it's been decades.
在这? 现在? 开个玩笑 我知道你闭关多年了
- You'd be surprised. - Pretty grossed out.
- 让你见识我的厉害 - 可把我恶心坏了
Ta... da...
搞... 定...
Craigslist 大型免费分类广告网站
I wish I never heard, of Craigslist.
要是我没听到就好了 我是说Craigslist家的广告
And I quote, "Looking for roommate, blind, and likes imperfections. Must be good with hands."
那我登个"征室友 盲人 不要处女座 手活一流"
Or would you rather I build the Ikea and you pay rent?
不然我来帮你组装家具你负责付房租?
- Why such a douche this morning? - Let's recap:
- 你今早抽的什么风? - 我扼要重述遍
The cock- fizzle that turned me into this freak
那个把我变成这鬼样子的臭鸡巴佬
slipped through my arms today.
今早从我指缝里溜走了
Arm.
指缝里
Catching him was my only chance to be hot again
抓到他是我貌回潘安的唯一指望
get my super-sexy ex back
又能追回我那如花似玉的前任
and prevent this from happening to someone else.
又能阻止惨剧的再次发生
So yeah, today was about as much fun as a sandpaper dildo.
所以 这一天过得简直像用砂纸撸管一样爽
#drive-by.
屁屁车路过
Found out who our friend in the red suit is.
知道我们的红衣朋友是谁了
Fucking Wade Wilson.
该死的韦德·威尔森
Suppose I'd wear a mask, too, if I had a face like that.
要是我也长了那样一张脸 我也会带上面具
I only wish I'd heal the same.
我只想要他的自愈能力
Still, we'll put him out of our misery. On our terms.
我们得赶快将这个碍事者除掉 用我们的方式
Right. And when he heals?
好 那自愈了怎么办?
He can't. Not if there's nothing left of him to heal.
自愈不了 把他灰飞烟灭就没有自愈的余地
You know, it's funny. I almost missed the fucker.
简直搞笑 我差点忘了这傻逼
I like a challenge. But he's bad for business.
我喜欢挑战 但他对我们的生意无益
Now let's go find him.
我们这就揪他出来
- Tylenol PM? - It sticks back where you stuck the Bactine.
- 来点泰诺夜片? - 你给我涂急救喷雾的地方还疼着呢
I raided my stash of wisdom just to take a sec
我正脑冒金星呢 给我点时间
and I am orbiting fucking Saturn right now.
我现在正围着土星转呢
But I appreciate the gesture.
但我喜欢你这个肉垫式
Am I crazy? Or is your hand really small?
是我疯了? 还是你的手就是这么小?
About the size of a KFC spork.
跟肯德基的叉子差不多大
I get why you're so pissy
我明白你为什么这么大脾气
but your mood's never gonna brighten
但只有找到这个女人告诉她你的感受
'till you find this woman and tell her how you feel.
你的心情才能好转
What do I keep telling you, Mrs. McGoo? She wouldn't have me.
我一直以来怎么跟你说的 麦古太太? 她不会给我这个机会的
If you could see me, you'd understand.
你要是能看见我 你就明白了
Looks aren't everything.
外表并不意味着一切
Looks are everything! Ever heard David Beckham speak?
外表就意味着一切! 听过大卫贝克汉姆说话吗?
It's like he mouth-sexed a can of helium.
他的声音简直像口交了一罐子氦气
瑞安·雷诺兹 死侍扮演者
You think Ryan Reynolds got this far on a superior acting method?
你以为瑞安·雷诺兹是凭出色的演技才如此红火的吗?
- Love is blind, Wade. - No...
- 爱情是瞎眼的 韦德 - 不...
You're blind.
你是瞎眼的
So you're just gonna lie there and whimper?
所以你就打算躺在那儿啜泣吗?
No, I'm gonna wait 'till this arm plows through puberty
不 我要等这只手发育完整
and then I'll come up with a whole, new Christmas day plan.
然后制定出一套全新完整的圣诞节计划
In the meantime, you might wanna leave the room.
同时 你还是出去为好
I bet it feels huge in this hand.
相信用这小手摸 某物一定巨大异常
Go, go, go, go, go...
走吧 走吧 走吧...
So the doctor says, the bad news is you don't have that long to live.
于是医生说 坏消息是你活不长了
So the patient says, how long do I have?
于是病人说 我还能活多久?
The doctor says, five. The guys says, five what?
医生回答 五 病人问 五什么?
The doctor says, 4, 3, 2...
医生说 4 3 2 ...
Can I help you ladies?
需要什么吗 女士们?
Oh, I do hope so.
但愿如此
Now, I heard you might be able to point me in the direction of a, a friend of mine.
我听说你也许能告诉我一个朋友的下落
Name of Wade Wilson.
他叫韦德·威尔森
Sorry, I don't know the name.
抱歉 我没听过这名字
Hey, you're not supposed to be behind the bar.
嘿 你不能到吧台后面来
I've seen this girl.
我见过这女孩
This must be Vanessa. I've heard so much about you.
应该就是瓦妮莎 她的事我听得可多了
Sweetheart, you might wanna look around.
亲爱的 看看周围
This isn't really the place to do something like that.
这可不是让你为所欲为的地方
Easy, Angel. Put the little man down.
淡定 安吉尔 放下这个弱鸡
- We have everything we need now. - You sure?
- 想要的我们已经拿到了 - 你确定?
You don't want any clothes that are not monochromatic?
不来点花哨的衣服吗?
There's a midnight showing of Blade II.
还有场"刀锋战士II的"午夜秀
Thanks for having my back, guys.
谢谢兄弟们撑我
Wade, we have a fucking problem, and by we, I mean you.
韦德 我们遇到大麻烦了 我说的我们 其实就是你
I can't believe we're doing this.
真不敢相信我们就要这么做了
Is there a word for half-afraid, half-angry?
有形容半怕半气的词吗?
"Afrangry", I guess.
"怕气"吧
Have you decided what you're gonna say to her?
你想好要怎么跟她说了吗?
- Fuck me! - Maybe not start with that.
- 我操! - 这样开场不好吧
DJ是"免费客串"斯坦李 漫威公司创始人
Hey, coming on to our stage right now, give it up for Chastity!
嘿 都来到舞池这边 欢迎我们的纯情妹!
Or as I like to call her, Irony.
或者我总叫她 小讽红
I gotta find her fast, before numb nuts does.
在那些蠢货找到她之前 我得快点找到她
How do you know she's in here?
你怎么知道她在这里?
Some customer stalking that fox.
有些老顾客总爱跟着这小妖精
Every time I see her, it's like the first time.
每次我见到她 都像第一次见到她那么心动
Especially from this angle.
尤其是从这个角度
You can't buy love, but you can rent it for three minutes.
你买不到爱情 但你可以租到三分钟的爱爱
You weak motherfucker!
你这胆小没用饭桶!
C'mon. Get it together,
振作点 打起精神来
this isn't about you, this is about Vanessa.
这不是为了你 是为了瓦妮莎
Here we go.
上吧
Maximum effort.
全力以赴
Vanessa!
瓦妮莎!
Someone out back asking for you.
有人在后门外找你
Something about... an old boyfriend?
关于... 一个前男友的事?
I knew it was you. 'Cause we're weird curvy edges.
我就知道是你 因为我们的边缘形状怪异
Like a jigsaw puzzle.
像拼图一样
You have Wade Wilson to thank for this.
你得谢谢韦德·威尔森让我找到你
Hey, where did she go?
嘿 她去哪儿了?
I saw her head to the back. Go get her, tiger.
我看到她去后门了 快去找她 猛男
Motherfucker!
我去你大爷!
- Wade, Wade, Wade, Wade... - Cunt! Chocolate...
- 韦德 韦德 韦德 韦德... - 婊子! 贱人...
Jiminy... Fuck! Fuck!
天哪... 干! 干!
We can talk... or you can hit that...
我们可以商量... 没事你打吧...
- Whoa! Whoa! - Relax, relax. Okay...
- 我天! 我天! - 淡定 淡定 好吧...
I'm gonna rip his motherfucking...
我要手撕那货...
find that, find it, or I'm gonna get angry.
找手机 找 不然我要发疯
Here, this is Vanessa. No, wait, it's Francis.
在这儿 是瓦妮莎 不 等等 是法兰西斯
- He wants you to come to him. - What is that?
- 他想让你去见他 - 那是什么?
想要找她吗? 来呀 12点来废车场 不见不散 么么哒 阿贾克斯
That's the shit emoji.
那是屎表情
It's the turd with the smiling face and the eyes.
是一坨有笑脸和眼睛的便便
I thought it was chocolate yogurt for so long.
我一直以为是巧克力酸奶呢
- I need guns. - Okay, which ones?
- 我需要枪 - 好 哪一把?
- I need all the guns! - All right, okay.
- 全都要! - 好的 没问题
That's about 3000 rounds.
大概有3000发子弹
And we all know what I can do with 12.
大家都知道12发子弹我就可以解决多少人
罗尼·米萨普: 美国乡村音乐领域里第一位盲人超级明星
Hey, hey, careful with that, Ronnie Milsap, we're downrange.
嘿 嘿 小心点 罗尼·米萨普 我们在打靶呢
I was gonna spend the night assembling the Borje
我今晚本该组装波士杰柜子
but this is holding my interest.
但这个倒是更有趣
- I told you, we're going with the Urvaj,
- 我告诉过你 我们要的是厄瓦什柜子
not the Borje, get it thru your head or get outta Fucktown!
不是波士杰 记不住就滚蛋!
Shit.
去死
That's all the pieces in the house.
屋里所有的枪就在这儿了
No, no, no, come on. Let's go. Cough it up.
不 不 不 过来 来吧 交出来
- Down, down, down, down. - Fuck you.
- 把裙子放下 放下 - 混球
25 cal. I like it.
口径25毫米 我喜欢
Wade...
韦德...
I'd go with you, but... I don't wanna.
我可以跟你去的 但是... 我不想
Oh, listen, Al...
听着 阿尔...
If I never see you again,
如果再也见不到你了
I want you to know that I love you very much.
我希望你知道我非常爱你
And also, there's about 116 kilos of cocaine buried somewhere in the apartment
对了 家里的某处埋着116公斤的可卡因
right next to the cure for blindness.
就藏在治眼秘方旁边
Good luck.
祝你好运
You wanna get fucked up?
想爽一把吗?
Put her down over here.
把她放到那儿
Go on, then.
让她说吧
Thanks, dickless. And I mean you.
谢了 阉人 说你呢
You're a talker, too. You and Wade.
你也是个话唠 和韦德一个样
I've been trying to tell you assholes you got the wrong girl.
我告诉过你个混球找错人了
My old boyfriend, he's dead.
我的前男友早就死了
See, I thought that, too.
我本也这么以为
But he keeps on coming back. Like a cockroach, but uglier.
但他却不断秀存在 像个蟑螂 不过更丑点
Now, I may not feel, but he does.
我可能没有知觉 不过他有
Let's see how he fights with your head on the block.
等我杀了你 倒要看看他怎么拼命
- Ripley! From Alien 3! - Fuck, you're old.
- 雷普利! "异形3"! - 你真他妈的上年纪了
Fake laugh! Hiding real pain! Go get Silver balls.
假笑一下 隐藏痛苦! 去玩你的跳蛋吧
You guys going for a bite? Early bird special?
你们要去吃饭吗? 早餐特惠?
Like there's something wrong with eating before sundown or saving money. No.
说得好像早点吃饭或省钱有什么错一样 才不
You know that bad guy that you let go? He's got my girl.
还记得你们放走的那个坏蛋吗? 他抓了我的妞!
- You're gonna help me get her back. - Wade? Is that you?
- 你们得帮我把她救回来 - 韦德? 是你吗?
Yeah, it's me Deadpool,
没错 是我死侍
"教父" 中经典台词
and I got an offer that you can't refuse!
我要给你个无法拒绝的条件!
I'm gonna wait out here, okay? It's a big house!
我就在这外面等 好吗? 房子真大!
It's funny that I only ever see 2 of you.
奇怪 从头到尾只看到你们俩
It's almost like, the studio couldn't afford another X- Man.
就好像制片厂穷的没法多请个X战警一样
And that, is why in my opinion, the movie Cocoon, is pure pornography.
因此 我觉得电影"魔茧"完全就是一个小黄片
- Who brought this twinkly man? - Twinkly, but deadly.
- 这个闪闪惹人爱的男人是谁带来的呀? - 闪闪惹人狗带
My chrome-penised friend back there, has agreed to do me this solid.
后座的这位铬合金鸡鸡朋友 愿意帮我这个忙
In exchange, I said I would consider joining his boy band.
作为回报 我会考虑加入他的男子天团
- It's not boy band. - Sure, it's not.
- 不是男子天团 - 行吧 不是
So, any luck winning Gita back?
怎样 可能赢回基塔的芳心吗?
I tried to hold on tight, Mr. Pool,
我试过坚持 死侍先生
but Bandu is more craftier and handsomer than me.
但是班杜比我更帅更会讨好女生
Well, I think you're pretty darn cute.
我觉得你简直迷死人了
- Dopinder? - Hmm?
- 多平德? - 怎么了?
- What was that? - That was... Bandu, in the trunk?
- 那是什么? - 那是... 班杜 在后备箱里?
- Ban... who? - My romantic rival, Bandu.
- 班... 谁? - 我的情敌 班杜
He's tied up in the trunk. I'm doing as you said, DP,
他被绑在后备箱 就像你教我的那样 死侍先生
I plan to gut him like a tandoori fish
我打算如宰土炉鱼般宰了他
then dump his carcass on Gita's doorstep.
再把尸骨扔在基塔家门前的台阶上
I did not tell him to do that! Absolutely not!
我没教他这么做! 绝对没有!
We got lost in translation!
我们的沟通出了问题!
Dopinder, this is no way to win Git9a's heart back!
多平德这可不是赢回基塔芳心的办法!
(I'm so proud of you.)
(你是我的骄傲)
Drop Bandu off safe and gentle-like. (Kill him.)
把班杜安全轻柔地从车里放下 (干掉他)
And then, win Gita back the old- fashioned way,
然后 用传统的方法
with your boyish charm! (Kidnap her.)
你男子魅力赢回基塔的芳心! (绑走她)
He's super dead.
他活不了了
- I presume a crisp high-five? - For you? Ten!
- 让我们清脆地击个掌? - 为你? 两掌也行!
Okay, guys, let's get out there
好了 伙计们 让我们出去
and make a difference! (You know what to do.)
大干一场吧! (你知道该怎么做)
Knock 'em dead, pool boy!
干翻他们 死侍!
Time to make the chimi- fucking- changas.
到了做人肉墨西哥卷饼的时候了
Not often a dude ruins your face, skullstomps your sanity,
一个人毁你脸蛋 践你心智 夺你宝妈
grabs your baby mama and personally sees thru 4 of your 5 shittiest moments.
五次有四次见证你最悲惨的时刻也是不容易
Let's just say it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.
有点圣诞节的意思了
# X gon' give it to ya #
# 有好戏让你看 #
# Fuck wait for you to get it on your own #
# 等等让你自吃苦头 #
# X gon' deliver to ya #
# 有好戏让你看 #
# Knock knock, open up the door, it's real #
# 咚咚 咚咚 开门 这是真的 #
# Wit the non-stop, pop, pop and stainless steel #
# 停不下来 流行乐 流行乐 不锈钢 #
# Go hard getting busy wit it #
# 去努力搞懂它 #
# But I got such a good heart #
# 但我有一个好心肠 #
Hey, where's your duffel bag?
嘿 你的弹药包呢?
Bandu!
回来 班杜!
Goddammit! We'll do this the old- fashioned way. With two swords.
见鬼! 我们只能用老办法 用两柄剑了...
And maximum effort.
还有全力以赴
Cue the music.
音乐起
# I'm a wolf in sheep clothing #
# 我是只披着羊皮的狼 #
# Only nigga that you know who can chill #
# 只有黑兄带你飞 #
# Come back and get the streets open #
# 回来吧 把路让开 #
# I've been doing this for nineteen years #
# 十九年致力于此 #
# Niggas wanna fight me? Fight these tears #
# 想比赛? 比比我的血汗 #
Wade Wilson!
韦德·威尔森!
- What's my name? - Ooh, I'mma fucking spell it out for 'ya.
- 我叫什么名字? - 非要我一个个字母拼出来
Go get some. - Superhero landing.
上吧 - 超级英雄登场
She's gonna do a superhero landing, wait for it!
她要来个超级英雄登场了 等着看吧!
Superhero landing! You know, that's really hard on your knees.
超级英雄登场! 膝盖着地难度系数超高
Totally impractical, they all do it.
净是作秀 全都爱这么干
You're a lovely lady but I'm saving myself for Francis.
你真是个萌妹子 但是我只想跟法兰西斯打
That's why I brought him.
所以我给你带了个大个子玩
I'd prefer not to hit a woman, so please...
我不想伤女人的 所以...
I mean, that's why I brought her?
我的意思是 所以我把她带来了?
Oh no. Finish your tweet.
不急 你先把微博发完
Just give us a second. Here you go. Hash tag it.
你等一下 别忘了加个话题
Go get her, tiger.
拿下她 我的小宝贝
I so pity the dude who pressures her into prom sex.
我真同情舞会上对想她霸王硬上弓的老兄
Alright then. Fire!
好吧 开火!
Finish fucking her the fuck off!
快他娘的干掉她!
- Language, please. - Suck a cock!
- 说话麻烦文明点 - 舔我的大屌吧!
Look away, child. Look away!
把脸转过去 孩子 转过去!
- Wait! Wait! - Cease fire! Cease fire!
- 等等! 等等! - 停止射击! 停止射击!
Fellas, hey, you only work for that shit- spackled Muppet fart.
各位兄弟 你们只是替那个蠢货傀儡打工而已
So, I'mma give you a chance for y'all to lay down your firearms
所以 我决定给你们一个机会放下武器
in exchange for preferential, bordering on gentle, possibly...
你们会得到宽厚的 温柔的 可能...
even lover-like treatment.
甚至爱人般的待遇
Fine! Commando!
算了! 真空上阵!
T-bag!
蛋蛋脸!
- Bob? - Wade?
- 你是鲍勃? - 韦德?
Oh my God, I haven't seen you since, TGIFridays!
我的天 上次在周五聚会后就没见过你了!
Jacksonville. Fridays.
是在杰克逊维尔 周五
What the hell! God! Come here, you.
什么鬼! 天啊! 过来 伙计
How are the kids? Good?
孩子们怎么样? 好吗?
And Gail, is she still fixing that tuna casserole?
盖尔呢 她还在做金枪鱼砂锅吗?
It's so good, but bad for...
好吃是好吃 但对...
Your... on the left... You are beautiful...
你的... 左边的... 你很美...
That is so sweet! Thanks!
真贴心! 谢谢!
Does he write you notes, too? He's such a romantic.
他也给你写情书吗? 他真浪漫
Don't worry, baby. I'm coming.
别担心 宝贝 我来了
Fire!
开火!
Hey! Climb on.
喂! 跳上来
Motherfucker shoulda worn his brown pants.
我他妈真该穿他那条屎黄色裤子
- You were right, beautiful. Red really is my color. - Wade?
- 你说得对 美人儿 红色确实适合我 - 韦德?
Don't worry, baby. I'mma get you outta that shitbox.
别担心 宝贝 我马上把你从那个棺材里救出来
What better way to crawl back inside that head of yours.
还有更好的方式让你重新想起我吗?
Oh, you never left.
哦 我一刻都没有忘记过你
- But you did, asshole! - Deep breath, darling.
- 但是你忘记了我 混蛋! - 深呼吸 亲爱的
No wait... Wrong choice of words.
不 等下... 我说错了
Well I hope they've blocked pain to your every last nerve.
希望他们去掉了你所有的痛觉神经
'Cause I'mma go looking!
因为我要给你从头到尾找一遍
I hear you grow back body parts now, Wade.
听说你现在有再生的能力 韦德
When I'm finished, what's left to grow back you?
我想知道等我砍完你 你还剩什么可以再生
Good one... Yup. That was a good one.
说得好...是啊 他说得确实挺好的
Let's dance. And by "dance", I mean let's try to kill each other.
起舞吧 "起舞"的意思是 不是你死就是我亡
- Fine. Fists. - Sounds like your last Saturday night.
- 好吧 用拳头吧 - 上周六晚也是用的拳头吧
暗指拳交
# You know our love was meant to be #
# 我们的爱命中注定 #
# The kind of love to last forever #
# 此爱永存 #
# And I want you here with me #
# 只愿你相伴与我 #
# From tonight until the end of time #
# 直到海枯石烂 #
# You should know #
# 你该知道 #
Asshole!
混蛋!
# everywhere I go #
# 无论去哪 #
# Always on my mind, in my heart, in my soul #
# 你永在我脑海里 我心里 我灵魂深处 #
# Baby, you're the meaning in my life #
# 宝贝 你是我生命的意义 #
# You're the inspiration #
# 你是我的灵感 #
# Wanna have you near me #
# 只愿你相伴与我 #
# I wanna have you hear me saying #
# 愿你倾听我 #
# No one needs you more than I need you #
# 我只想要你的爱 #
# needs you more than I... #
# 我爱你甚于爱自己... #
- Hang in there, baby. I got you. - Wade!
- 坚持下 宝贝 我抓住你了 - 韦德!
I got a plan. You're not gonna like it.
我有一个计划 你可能不喜欢
Shit, shit, shit!
天啊 天啊 天啊!
Don't worry! I'm totally on top of this.
别担心! 一切尽在掌控之中
Damm it! Maximum effort!
该死的! 全力以赴!
Thanks.
谢谢
Just take it slow.
慢慢来
Oh, my God! That was so awe...
天啊! 太酷...
- Me and you, are headed to fix this butter face! - What?
- 你得把我这张破脸治好! - 什么?
You sure are a fucking idiot.
你真他妈是一个白痴
Did you really think there was a cure, for that?
难道你以为你这样的脸还可以恢复?
- What? - You heard me.
- 什么意思? - 你知道我是什么意思
No, no!
不 不!
So, you mean to say... After all this, you can't fix me?
所以 你是说... 我忙了一通后 你没法治好我的脸?
It sounds even stupider when you say it.
你说这话的时候更加可笑
Like the kind of stupid who admits he can't do the one thing
就像为了一件你做不到的事
I'm keeping him alive for?
而留着你的小命一样可笑?
Any last words?
有什么遗言?
- What's my name? - Who fucking cares!
- 我的名字是什么? - 谁他妈关心这个!
Wade!
韦德!
- Four or five moments. - I'm sorry?
- 四五个时刻 - 什么意思?
- Four or five moments, that's all it takes. - To...?
- 四 五个意义重大的时刻 - 为了...?
Be a hero.
成为一个英雄
Everyone thinks it's a full-time job. Wake up a hero.
大家都觉得英雄每时每刻都是英雄 醒来时是英雄
Brush your teeth a hero. Go to work a hero. Not true.
刷牙时是英雄 工作时是英雄 不是这样的
Over a lifetime, there are only 4 or 5 moments that really matter.
人的一生只有四 五个有决定性意义的时刻
Moments when you're offered a choice.
你面临抉择的时刻
To make a sacrifice, conquer a flaw, save a friend...
做出牺牲 克服弱点 拯救朋友...
spare an enemy.
甚至宽恕敌人
In these moments, everything else falls away.
在这种时刻 其它的一切都无关紧要了
The way the world sees us. The way we...
世人怎么看待我们 我们怎么看待
Why?
为什么?
You were droning on!
你废话太多了!
Sure, I may be stuck with a what like pepperoni flatbread
确实 我可能永远都是这样一副意大利辣肠的脸
but at least fuckface won't heal from that.
但至少这家伙是不会活过来了
I could wear Superhero tights and spare a psychopath,
如果穿上超级英雄的紧身衣就要饶恕这个疯子
but maybe I wasn't meant to wear them
那我就不穿了
Not everyone modern has a hall like you.
不是每个正常人都有你的前卫思想
- Just promise. - Yeah yeah,
- 你保证 - 好 好
I'll be on the lookout for the next 4 moments. Shit!
我会在接下来的四个时刻慎重选择的 狗屎
Now, if you'll excuse me,
现在 请原谅我
I'm just a boy,
我现在就像一个小男孩
about to stand in front of a girl and tell her...
将要站在心仪的女生面前 告诉她
What the fuck am I gonna tell her?
我他妈该说什么?
Well, you better figure it out.
你最好已经想好了
I can't even tell you... I deserve that...
我都没法跟你说... 我应得的...
that too... No, no, no, maybe not the nethers.
这也是... 不 不 不 这里恐怕不行
Start talking!
说话啊!
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. For everything. I'm sorry for leaving,
对不起 对不起 为了发生的一切 对不起我不辞而别
I'm sorry for not cowboying up sooner...
对不起我不够勇敢...
- It's been a rough couple of years. - Rough?
- 这几年真的很艰难 - 你艰难?
I live in a crackhouse. With a family of 12...
我和一个12口的家庭挤在一个毒窝...
Every night we spoon for warmth,
每晚我们为了取暖
everybody fights for Noelle. She's the fattest.
每个人都挤在诺伊拉旁边 因为她最胖
There is nothing that we don't share.
我们什么都是共享的
Floor space, dental floss, even condoms.
地板 牙线 甚至避孕套
So you live in a house?
所以你还有房子住?
I should've come and found you sooner.
我本应该早点来找你的
But everything under this mask,
但这面具下的人
he ain't the same one you remember.
已经不是你记忆中的那个样子了
You made this mask?
这个面具你做的?
狼叔的脸
And this one. In case the other fell off.
这个也是 防止外面那个掉了
Like a band- aid. Just... Audi 5000. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
就像一个创口贴 就像... 啊 啊五环 等等 等等
Are you sure?
你确定要摘下来?
I'm sure.
我确定
- Wow. - Yeah.
- 哇喔 - 是啊
After a brief adjustment period, and a bunch of drinks...
经过短暂的适应期和一些酒精麻痹之后...
It's a face...
这张脸...
I'd be happy to sit on.
我很愿意坐在上面
But I'm not the same underneath this suit either. Super-penis.
这套衣服下面还有个东西也不一样了 超级大屌
Come on, Wade, language. Young one is present.
喂 韦德 注意说话文明点 这里还有一个小朋友呢
What are you still doing...
你们俩还在这里干嘛...
Get outta here, go make yourself useful.
快走 做你该做的事去
You, go be a really big brother to someone.
你 做点大哥该做的事
Tell Beast to stop shitting on my lawn.
快让野兽不要在我家的草坪上大便了
And you, chicken noodle.
还有你 小弱鸡
Nothing Compares 2 U. Sinead O'Connor, 1990. Sorry.
1990年希妮德·奥康娜就说了"你无可替代" 抱歉
- That's all right. You're cool. - What in the ass?
- 好吧 你说得对 - 什么鬼?
That was not mean! I'm proud of you!
我不是那意思! 我为你感到骄傲!
We will make an X-Man of you yet, Wade.
我们会让你加入X战警的 韦德
You know, for a second there,
刚才有那么一会儿
it felt like we were 3 mini lion robots
感觉我们就像3个小型的狮子机器人
coming together to form one super robot.
合体成为一个超级机器人
- This was stupid. - Yeah.
- 真白痴 - 是的
And now, for the moment I've all been waiting for.
现在 我一直以来都在等待这一刻
Come here.
过来
WHAM! As promised.
威猛乐队! 我保证过的
See? You don't need to be a superhero to get the girl.
看到没? 不需要成为超级英雄也能找到妹子
The right girl will bring out the hero in you.
适合的女孩会让你成为一个英雄的
Now, let's finish this epic wide shot,
让我来结束这个史诗般的全景镜头
pull out, here we go...
拉伸 注意...
Looks nice, not gonna be the only thing that's pulling out tonight.
不错 看来今晚要拉伸的不只是镜头嘛
Who doesn't love a happy ending, huh?
谁不爱大圆满的结局呢?
Until next time,
说再见之前
this is your friendly neighborhood Pool guy singing...
你亲切的邻居死侍男孩给你唱首歌...
# I'm never gonna dance again #
# 我再也无法跳舞 #
# The way I dance with you, oh #
# 如你我从前那样跳舞 哦 #
# The way without you #
# 没有你的舞步 #
# Tonight the music seems so loud #
# 今晚的音乐是如此的刺耳 #
# I wish that we could lose this crowd #
# 我希望我们远离这喧嚣的人群 #
# Maybe it's better this way #
# 也许这就是最好的结局 #
# We'd hurt each other with the things we want to say #
# 言语只会互相伤害 #
# We could have been so good together #
# 你我曾如此合拍 #
# We could have lived this dance forever #
# 我们本可以在这舞曲中永远飞翔 #
# But now who's gonna dance with me #
# 但今夜无人与我共舞 #
# Please stay #
# 留下吧 #
# I'm never gonna dance again #
# 我再也无法起舞 #
# Guilty feet have got no rhythm #
# 内疚使舞步失去了节奏 #
# Though it's easy to pretend #
# 尽管欺瞒并不困难 #
# I know you're not a fool #
# 但我知道你不笨 #
# I should have known better than to cheat a friend #
# 我该明白坦白好过欺瞒 #
# And waste a chance that I'd been given #
# 但却又错过了一个机会 #
# So I'm never gonna dance again #
# 我再也无法起舞 #
# The way I danced with you #
# 像你我从前那样跳舞 #
# Now that you're gone #
# 现在你走了 #
# I did so wrong so wrong #
# 我的罪过 罪过 #
# that you had to leave me alone #
# 让你留我一个人 #
后有彩蛋 请别走开
You're still here.
你们还在啊
It's over! Go home!
结束了! 回家吧!
Oh, you're expecting a teaser for Deadpool 2.
哦 你们在等死侍2的预告
Well, we don't have that kind of money.
我们没钱拍预告
What were you expecting, Sam Jackson'll show up?
你们在等什么? 塞缪尔·杰克逊出来?
Eye patch? Saucy leather? Go, go.
独眼侠? 皮外套? 走吧 走吧
Oh! But I can tell you one thing and it's a bit of a secret.
哦 但我能告诉你们一件事 这是一个秘密
In the sequel, we're gonna have Cable.
在续集里 会有一个Cable
Amazing character. Bionic arm, time-travel.
很牛逼的人物 机械手臂 时空穿梭
We have no idea who to cast yet,
我们还没想好要找谁来演
but it could be anybody. Just take a big guy with a flat top.
但他可以是任何一个人 只要找一个留平头的大块头
Could be Mel Gibson, Dolph Lundgren, Keira Knightley.
可以是梅尔·吉布森 道夫·龙格尔 凯拉·奈特莉
She's got range, who knows? Anyway, big secret.
她演技可好了 谁知道呢? 不管怎样 大秘密
And don't leave your garbage rotting around.
还有别把垃圾扔得满地都是
It's a total dick move. Go.
只有傻逼才这么干 走吧