-=The Last Fantasy=- 荣誉出品本字幕仅供学习交流 严禁用于商业途径
Based on true stroy
Welcome to Mount Waverley 1st tidytown 1972
Mary Dinkle's eyes were the colour of muddy puddles.
Her birthmark, the colour of poo.
lt was Saturday afternoon and she was bored.
Mary wished she had a friend to play piggybacks with.
Mary's mood ring, which she'd found in a cereal box, was grey
玛丽有一枚心情戒指 是在麦片盒里找到的 现在变成灰色了
which, according to the chart,
meant she was either pensive, unconsciously ambitious or hungry.
她现在不是在思考 就是在潜意识里野心勃勃 或者饿了
Her only friends were 'The Noblets' from her favourite cartoon.
They weren't the real ones you bought in the shops
but fake ones she had to make herself from shells, gumnuts, pompoms
and the chicken bones salvaged from Friday night's takeaway.
She had to make all her own toys, and her favourites were Shrinkies -
potato chip packets that she had shrunk in the oven.
Mary's father, Noel Norman Dinkle,
worked in a factory, attaching the strings to tea bags.
At show and tell, she told the class
he could get as many free tea bags as he wanted.
Her favourite tea bag was Earl Grey.
She loved saying 'Earl Grey'
and would like one day to marry someone called Earl Grey.
They would live in a castle in Scotland,
have 9 babies, 2 ducks...
..and a dog called Kevin.
Noel's hobby was to sit in his shed and drink Baileys lrish Cream
and stuff birds he'd found on the side of the freeway.
Mary wished he'd spend more time with her and less with his dead friends.
She also wished she had some brothers and sisters.
Her mother had told her she was 'an accident'.
How could someone be an accident?
Grandpoppy Ralph had told her that babies were deliberate
and found by dads at the bottom of their beer.
Grandpoppy Ralph had smelt like pickled onions [Life be in it]
and had been a member of the Frankston lce Breakers for 51 years.
They swam in winter to feel alive.
Grandpoppy Ralph had said it made his nipples erect.
He had died the year before, aged 74,
and his best mate, Ken, had recited a poem in his honour.
他的好友 肯 念了一首诗来追忆他
Born in a barn in the hills of Boronia,
Ralph lived a long life,
then died of pneumonia.
and often wondered why he had drunk ammonia.
也经常觉得奇怪 他为什么要喝氨水呢？ （“氨水”与“肺炎”英文发音相近）
A lot of things puzzled Mary
especially her mother, Vera Lorraine Dinkle.
To Mary, Vera always seemed wobbly.
A pretty vicious ball. And he's out!
Vera liked listening to the cricket while baking
and her main ingredient was always sherry.
She told Mary it was a type of tea for grown-ups
that needed constant testing.
Mary thought her mother tested the sherry...way too much.
Mary also couldn't understand why Vera was always 'borrowing'.
Yesterday, she borrowed some fish fingers from Aisle 6.
She told Mary she put things up her dress to save on plastic bags.
Vera was indeed a complicated soul.
Mary stopped daydreaming
and went and fetched her pet rooster from the rain.
赶紧跑出去 把她的宠物大公鸡 从雨里抱进屋
Her father had found the rooster on the side of the freeway
after it had fallen off the back of a slaughter truck.
She named him Ethel.
lt was time to watch 'The Noblets'. She adored 'The Noblets'
because everyone was brown, lived in a teapot
and had oodles of friends.
There was nothing nicer, Mary thought to herself,
玛丽想 没有什么 能比现在这样更美好了：
than the smell of a wet rooster...
..the sound of rain on the roof
and the taste of sweetened condensed milk straight from the can
while watching your favourite cartoon.
meanwhile in New York
Welcome to New York the Empire State
Meanwhile, a man called Max Horowitz also watched 'The Noblets' .
Max's small television had picture but no sound.
His big television, sound but no picture.
He was 44 and liked 'The Noblets'
as they lived in a delineated and articulated social structure
with constant adherent conformity
and also because they had oodles of friends.
Max had trouble sleeping
and had spent the night watching television and catching fish food.
He noted to himself it was the sixth fly he'd caught this evening.
【亨利的苍蝇】他注意到 这已经是今晚抓到的 第六只苍蝇了
He wondered if he should go to bed and count sheep
or have one more chocolate hotdog.
He thought he'd try both but it didn't work.
lt had been 6 hours and 1 2 minutes since Henry Vlll had passed away.
And Henry's death had thrown Max's life into disarray.
It had become asymmetrical
and the sooner he got a new fish, the better.
Tomorrow he would go to the pet store and get another Henry -
明天 他就去宠物店 再买一条亨利
1st 1925 post office 3149
lt was shopping day
and Mary sat patiently while her mother 'borrowed' some envelopes.
To fill in time, she scanned the room
and counted how many things were brown.
There was sticky tape, rubber bands
and a phone book with a picture of a lady standing in a brown lake
with her hand on fire.
People had weird names in America, Mary Daisy Dinkle thought to herself.
Funny-sounding people called Rockefeller and Finkelstein.
发音都怪怪的 什么“洛克菲勒”了 “菲克斯坦”了
She wondered what they looked like, how old they were
她很好奇 这些人长什么样子 年纪多大
and if they were married, wore glasses or had found babies in their beer.
如果已经结婚 是不是戴着眼镜 他们的宝宝是不是在啤酒里发现的
Maybe in the USA they found babies elsewhere.
Hmm... They drank a lot of cola.
Maybe they found them in cans.
But, no, they wouldn't fit through the hole.
可是 不行 洞口太小 宝宝钻不出来
Mary had an idea.
She would write to one of the Americans and ask where babies came from.
She chose a Mr M Horowitz.
Aarrgh. Mrs Dinkle!
Come back here, Vera Dinkle! You come back here!
回来 维拉·丁寇 你给我回来！
Dear Mr M Horowitz,
my name is Mary Daisy Dinkle
and I am 8 years old, 3 months and 9 days.
我今年八岁 三个月 零九天
My favourite colour is brown
and my favourite food is sweetened condensed milk
followed closely by chocolate.
l have a rooster called Ethel that looks like this.
我有一只公鸡 叫伊索 它长的就是酱紫滴
He doesn't lay eggs but will one day.
My mother likes smoking, cricket and sherry
and my father likes playing in his shed with dead birds.
Where do babies come from in America?
Do they come from cola cans?
ln Australia they are found in beer glasses.
Here is a drawing of me.
l can't draw ears proper but l'm good at teeth.
lt would be great if you could write back and be my friend.
要是你能给我回信 做我的朋友 那就太好了
Yours 'sincerealy', Mary Daisy Dinkle.
PS. I hope you like the chocolate bar l'm also sending.
lt's called a Cherry Ripe.
Goodbye, letter. Don't forget to write.
再见了 信儿 别忘了回信哦
Max hated Thursdays -
the day of his weekly Overeaters Anonymous meeting.
And tonight he'd felt especially unsettled
because he'd eaten two chocolate hotdogs on his way there.
Chocolate is not a food, group!
Eating chocolate was breaking the rules.
God hates fat people
He'd found the night even more unbearable
because of Marjorie Butterworth's strange glances.
Max had trouble understanding non-verbal signals.
Flirting was as foreign to him as jogging.
Max found most people very confusing.
But little did Max realise
his night was about to become even more confusing and cryptic.
He read Mary's letter four times and then did what he normally did
他读了玛丽的来信 四遍 然后采取了一贯的应对措施
whenever confronted with something new and stressful.
Max's fragile existence had once again become unsettled.
And after staring out of the window for 1 8 hours
he finally made a decision.
Dear Mary Daisy Dinkle,
thank you for the letter, which I opened and read at 9.1 7pm
after my Overeaters Anonymous class.
l am trying to lose weight
because my psychiatrist, Dr Bernard Hazelhof,
says a healthy body equals a healthy mind.
He says my mind is not that healthy.
Your drawing is an interesting visual portrayal of yourself.
l have never met anyone from Australia.
Firstly, I will answer your question.
Unfortunately, in America, babies are not found in cola cans.
很不幸 在美国 宝宝不是从可乐罐里找到的
l asked my mother when I was four
and she said they came from eggs laid by rabbis.
她说 宝宝都是从拉比下的蛋里生出来的 （拉比：犹太教教士）
lf you aren't Jewish, they're laid by Catholic nuns.
lf you're an atheist, they're laid by dirty, lonely prostitutes.
So this is where babies come from in America.
l share my home with a fish,
some snails, whom I have named after famous scientists...
一些蜗牛 我给他们 取了一些著名科学家的名字
...a parakeet called Mr Biscuit
and, finally, a cat called Hal.
最后一位 是一只猫 叫“哈儿”
'Hal' is an abbreviation for halitosis, from which he suffers.
He followed me home after a gang of children
shot his eye out with a beebee gun.
Do you have a pet kangaroo?
When I was born, my father left my mother and me on a kibbutz.
我出生后 父亲就不告而别 把我和母亲丢在基布兹（以色列集体农场）
She shot herself with my uncle's gun when I was six.
Do you like chocolate hotdogs?
l invented the recipe for them and can send it to you.
When I was young, I invented an invisible friend called Mr Ravioli.
我小时候 想象了一个隐形的朋友 叫“拉维欧利”（意为“意大利方饺”）
My psychiatrist says I don't need him anymore
so he just sits in the corner and reads.
I'm OK, You're OK
Last week I picked up 1 28 cigarette butts.
People are always littering in New York.
l do not understand why people break laws.
Butts are bad because they wash out to sea
and fish smoke them and become nicotine dependent.
l am just joking because, of course,
it is impossible for a cigarette to remain lit underwater.
Also, fish do not have pockets to keep cigarette lighters in.
and have 8 tracksuits the same colour and size.
l weigh 352 lb...
..and am as tall as a 6-foot tree.
Welcome to the New York Lottery!
l enjoy entering the lottery
and have chosen the same numbers for 9 years.
- Those numbers are 3... - 1 .
- 它们是3… - 1
- And 1 2. - 8.
- 还有１２ - ８
l have had many different jobs during my life.
My first job was collecting subway tokens in the subway.
My second job was at Yiddel's Gourmet Kosher Supplies
where I worked at the machine that made pre-packaged noodle kugels.
在那儿 我管着一台做盒装面条布丁的机器 （犹太人在安息日吃面条布丁）
l was born Jewish and used to believe in God
but l've since read many books
that have proven God is just a figment of my imagination.
People like to believe in God because it answers complicated questions
like where did the universe come from,
do worms go to heaven...
..and why do old ladies have blue hair?
Even though l'm an atheist,
l still wear my yarmulke as it keeps my brain warm.
My third job was for a company that printed logos on novelty items.
l worked at the frisbee printing machine.
A frisbee is a circular plastic disc that people throw at each other.
lt is like a boomerang
but it does not come back.
My fourth job was when I was called up for jury duty.
l didn't get paid much but got free cookies and coffee.
Jurors are outstanding members of the community
who haven't murdered anybody.
l made it to the short list
for a trial where a man killed all his friends
at his own surprise birthday party.
Unfortunately, I didn't get selected because they found out
不幸的是 我没能入选 因为他们发现
l'd been a mental patient at one point.
Have you ever been hang gliding?
My fifth job was as a garbage collector.
l got to clean up after litterbugs and didn't have to talk to anybody.
Sometimes I used to pretend I was an intergalactical robot.
This is 911 . your call has been placed in a queue.
One time the police took me in for questioning
but let me go when they decided I wasn't a threat to anybody
但很快放了我 因为他们觉得 我对任何人都构不成威胁
The sixth job I had was for the United States Army
in the stationery supply department.
Because I am good with numbers
l had to work out how many ballpoint pens the Army needed.
One day they did a security check
and asked whether I was a member of any radical groups.
l told them I was a member of the New York Science Fiction Fan Club.
They said this didn't count but dismissed me anyway.
Fortunately, I did not remember to tell them I was once a communist.
幸运的是 我忘了告诉他们 我还当过共产党员
Have you ever been a communist?
Have you ever been attacked by a crow or similar large bird?
When I was 9, a crow attacked me on my way to school.
我九岁时 一只乌鸦 在我上学路上埋伏我
l had to have three stitches
and in spring I now wear a helmet with eyes I have painted on.
如今 我每到春天就戴一顶头盔 顶上画了一双眼睛
People laugh at me when I wear my helmet.
I'm not sure why.
People often confuse me but I try not to let them worry me.
New York is a very busy and noisy place.
l would prefer to live somewhere much quieter
l don't like crowds, bright lights, sudden noises or strong smells.
我不喜欢人群 亮光 噪音 和臭味
New York has all these
especially the smells.
l often wear nose and ear plugs when I go outside.
lt helps keep me calm.
l find humans interesting but I have trouble understanding them.
我发现 人类很有趣 但我无法理解他们
l think, however, I will understand and trust you.
You appear very happy and I think you would smell like a shrimp
as I know Australia has a lot of shrimps.
Can you speed-read?
l have taught myself to read two pages at once -
one eyeball per page.
even though I have not told you about my 7th job,
in a condom factory.
Your American friend, Max Jerry Horowitz.
PS. Please find enclosed a photo from one of those booths.
附注 附上照片一张 是我在街头拍照亭照的
PPS. Thank you for the Cherry Ripe
and I am glad you like chocolate as much as I do.
l have never eaten sweetened condensed milk
but I will try some this week.
PPPS. I have never used a condom.
Max hoped Mary would write again.
He'd always wanted a friend.
A friend that wasn't invisible, a pet or rubber figurine.
He counted the stars and wondered how many days, hours, minutes
他数着星星 想 要过几天 几小时 几分钟
it would take his letter to reach Australia.
nine days, six hours and forty-seven minutes later
【9天 6小时 47分钟后】
Vera was not impressed...
..not impressed at all.
This nutcase would not be her daughter's penfriend, she thought.
这疯子休想和自己的女儿 交上笔友 她想到
There was enough ugliness in the world.
Mary would be home from school in an hour -
enough time for another cup of tea and a bit of cricket to soothe the nerves
还够时间喝杯“茶” 听听比赛 来舒缓一下神经
and dissolve the memory of Max's letter from her pickled mind.
Hey. fellas, you got room for one more bag?
嘿 我说 你们还有地方多加个袋子吗？
Sure, Mrs Dinkle. Hop in!
当然了 丁寇夫人 上来吧！
Good one. Kevin!
Come on, Vera. We've got some other bags to pick up!
快点 维拉 我们还要去别家收垃圾呢！
Mary, is that all the rubbish?
Sweet baby Jesus.
Even though Max's letter smelt like fish heads and orange peel,
Mary drank his words like a bowl of alphabet soup
and hadn't been this excited
since Grandpoppy Ralph had found a coin up her nose.
She wrote back immediately
on some butchers' paper she'd stolen from some chops.
Dear Max, l'm so excited you've wroted back.
l don't think my parents like you so from now on
send stuff to my neighbour Len Hislop
at 26 Lamington Drive, Mt Waverley.
地址是韦弗利山 莱明顿大道 26号
He's old with no legs.
They got chew'd'ed off in World War ll
when some Japanese peoples kept him in a cage above piranhas.
Piranhas are goldfish that have teeth.
He's scared of outside, which is a disease called homophobia.
他害怕外面的世界 这是一种病 学名叫“恐同症”哦
He's started giving me 50 cents a week to get his mail.
l'm saving to buy a castle in Scotland and marry a man called Earl Grey.
Do you get 'The Noblets' in America?
Well, my favourite Noblet is Vanity Noblet.
He wants to be everyone's friend, even the boys'!
ln your letter, you said you had no friends.
Well, neither do l.
Yesterday at school, Bernie Clifford weed on my spam sandwich
昨天在学校 巴尼·克里福德 往我的火腿三明治上尿尿
and called me 'poo face' 'cos of my birthmark.
l wish I could peel it off like a bandaid.
He also laughed 'cos I had no buttons.
Ethel pecked them off
and Mum couldn't thread a needle 'cos she'd been testing the sherry
so she used pegs instead.
When I got home, I climbed into my secret place till dinner time.
我回家之后 会爬进我的秘密地点 一直呆到晚饭时间
The other kids also laugh at my haircut.
Dad has to cut my hair because mum says
real hairdressers sell your hair to Chinamen
who stuff mattresses.
My teacher, Mrs Pendergast, says I should smile more.
我老师 潘德格斯特夫人 说我应该多笑笑
l told my mum and so she drawed a big smile on me.
我跟妈妈讲 于是 她就给我画了一张大大的笑脸
l don't think Mrs Pendergast likes me anymore.
l better go now. My tears are smudgling my words.
Your friend in Australia, Mary Daisy Dinkle.
PS. Have you ever been teased? Can you help me?
附注 你被别人嘲笑过吗？ 你能帮帮我吗？
PSS. l've never been hang gliding before or been a 'commune-ist'
附注注 我没有滑翔过 也没当过“共产觉”
but would love a frisbee and your recipe for chocolate hotdogs.
PSSS. l'm sending you some Australian chocolate, a pompom I made
附注注注 我给你寄去一些澳大利亚的巧克力 一个我做的绒球
and a cake called a lamington, which I was meant to eat for lunch.
Have you ever been teased?
Mary's letter triggered memories
Max had buried deep down in his shoes.
We've got him cornered now. Hey. Jew-boy, you're gonna pay...
我们围住他了 嘿嘿 小犹太佬 你得付出代价
Take this, Jew-boy, Jew-boy, Jew-boy.
And as usual, he coped in the only way he knew.
与往常一样 他用唯一的方式 来处理这个问题
And 36 chocolate hotdogs later...
..and after only two hours sleep,
Max's meltdown faded away and an idea popped into his brain.
Dear Mary Daisy Dinkle,
thank you for your letter, chocolate bar, lamington and pompom.
谢谢你的来信 巧克力棒 莱明顿蛋糕和绒球
The chocolate got crushed, so I blended the bits with milk and icecream
and now I am drinking it right now.
After much thought, I think I have a solution to your teasing.
Tell Bernie Clifford your birthmark is made of chocolate,
which means when you get to heaven
you will be in charge of all the chocolate.
This of course is a lie - I do not like lies -
当然 这是个谎言 我不喜欢撒谎
but in this case I think it will be of benefit.
l wish I could be in charge of all the chocolate
but, of course, I cannot because of my atheism.
可是 很显然 这不可能 因为我是无神论者
My neighbour lvy is also an atheist.
She doesn't talk much but makes me very good soup on Sunday nights.
她不太多话 却在每周六晚上 都给我炖好喝的汤
She is partly blind
and sometimes I find her hair in my soup. Eeugh!
l do not tell her as Dr Bernard Hazelhof says this would be impolite.
Here is a list of what I eat on the other nights.
Mondays - Glicks Potato Knish,
Tuesdays - Yiddels Noodle Kugel,
Wednesdays - Captain Salty's Fishstix,
Thursdays - Yentls Cheezy Blintz
and Fridays - chicken nuggets.
On Saturday nights I create my own recipes.
Last week I invented canned spaghetti hamburgers.
Recipes are like mathematical equations.
Dr Bernard Hazelhof told me you should never weigh more than your refrigerator
and to never eat anything bigger than your head.
l once ate a watermelon bigger than my head
but not all at once.
Do you have any weight loss suggestions?
My Overeaters Anonymous meetings don't seem to be working
and just make me tense.
lt would be good if there was a 'Fat Fairy' .
She would be a bit like the Tooth Fairy but would suck out your fat.
lvy says she is only a 'little bit' blind but I think she is very blind.
She should get a cane like other vision-impaired people.
She could make the end pointy.
and collect rubbish at the same time.
l think I will write a letter to the Mayor and suggest this.
He will be very impressed.
lvy says she doesn't need a cane because she has a good sense of smell.
She says she could find me with her eyes stapled shut.
She says I smell like liquorice and old books.
l think she smells like cough medicine and urine.
l have never told her this
as Dr Bernard Hazelhof said this would also be impolite.
People often think I am tactless and rude.
l cannot understand how being honest can be...improper.
我想不通 做个诚实的人 怎么会…不妥当
Maybe this is why I don't have any friends
of course except for you.
A real friend has been one of my three goals in life.
The other two are to own every Noblet and a lifetime supply of chocolate.
life goals:friend (not invisible) noblets, chocolates
【人生目标：1 朋友（不是隐形的） 2 阿诺一家；3 巧克力】
Dr Bernard Hazelhof says it is good to have goals
but not stupid ones like mine.
l have now run out of things to tell you.
Please, write soon.
Your friend in America, Max Jerry Horowitz.
PS. Do not worry about not smiling.
My mouth hardly ever smiles
but it does not mean I am not smiling inside my brain.
PPS. Please find enclosed a frisbee,
some Chocolate Pop Rocks, which you should eat with cola,
and an illustration of a turtle from one of my National Geographics.
PPPS. Did you know that turtles can breathe through their anuses?
when I told Bernie Clifford
l'll be in charge of all the chocolate in heaven and he wouldn't get any,
l also hide'd some dog's poo in his bit of the sandpit.
Your advice was great and l've got a job delivering pamphlets
so I can save to come and see you.
l am sad to hear you are fat.
Mum says I am fat too and l'm growing up to be a heifer,
which I think is a type of cow.
Maybe you should only eat things beginning with the letter of each day.
On Mondays you could only eat
milkshakes, marshmallows and...mustard.
For my birthday, my Mum baked a cake and Dad gave me a camera.
我生日那天 妈妈给我做蛋糕 爸爸送我照相机
l hope you like the photos I sent.
The first one is of Ethel, who ate some tinsel.
The next one is one of myself
after I ate the Chocolate Pop Rocks with the cola, like you said.
He's still trying hard not to be afraid of outside and conquer his homophobia.
The next one is of dad in his shed,
and then one of the times I covered mum
while she was asleep in her stickers that help her stop smoking.
Next, when I got my slinky caught in my hair.
Then one of the times Sonny digged up his wife, Cher.
And, finally, a photo of my other neighbour Damian Popodopolous.
最后一张 是我的邻居 达米·波波多波罗斯
He's a Greek and smells like lemon dishwashing liquid
and his skin is smooth, like the back of a spoon.
Mum says he's a wog and has a stutter and can't even say his own surname.
妈妈说 他是个中东佬 而且口吃 连自己的姓他都说不好
She says you have to hit him on the back of the head
to get his words out.
l wish he was my boyfriend and we can be in love and do sexing
我希望他是我男朋友 那样我们就可以爱上对方 还能做爱爱
like Katherine Ramsay told me behind the bike shed.
She said it's when two people go 'nuddy'
and rub on each other to make babies.
l told her she's a liar and would go to hell and burn like toast
我说她是个骗子 死后会下地狱 再被当成烤肉烤
'cos babies really come from beer glasses
and eggs laid by rabbits and nuns and 'prosti-tubes'.
She said ladies get knocked up
and bake babies in their stomachs for 2 years
till they spurt out their 'vag-eye-ners' with blood and tinned spaghetti.
Have you got a girlfriend, Max, or some wives?
马克思 你有女朋友吗 或者一些妻子？
Have you done sexing?
Valentine's Day is soon
and I want to give Damian a present so he can love me.
Can you explain love and how I can be 'lover'd'?
Once again, Mary's letter had triggered an anxiety attack.
Max knew nothing about love.
lt was as foreign to him as scuba diving
and he'd had an appalling history of getting it all wrong.
One Valentine's Day
he'd given Zelda Glutnik a gift he was sure was appropriate.
felin rectal thermometer
The only companion that had ever warmed Max's bed
was his hot water bottle.
was a mysterious language he'd given up on.
lf only Mary had asked how a toaster works
or asked for an explanation of the Chaos theory.
lf only there was a mathematical equation for love.
He kept eating and thinking.
central park new York
But love was not like Max's Rubik's Cube. lt could not be solved.
No matter how he analysed it, the results were negative.
He felt love but couldn't articulate it.
lts logic was as foreign to him as... as a salad sandwich.
The stars made more sense.
12, have you responded to the call? Over.
The anxiety and stress were too much.
The inscrutability of love finally won, and Max's brain gave in.
obese retarded man cranded out!
He was diagnosed with severe depression and obesity
and spent the next 8 months institutionalised and bedridden.
此后八个月 他住院治疗 卧床不起
They marinated him in a cocktail of drugs
and performed the usual 'therapeutic' procedures.
Meanwhile, Mary wondered and waited.
Maybe Max's typewriter had run out of ink.
Maybe America had run out of ink.
Maybe his pets had eaten him.
Maybe it was her.
Was she too demanding, too boring, too...ugly?
Filled with anger, confusion and self-loathing,
Mary tried to erase the memory of her friend forever.
eight months later
Max had recovered.
And life was balanced, safe and symmetrical once again.
But Mary still lingered in his mind.
Half of him wanted to write to her immediately.
The other half didn't want to end up a mental patient again.
另一方面 他不想自己 到头来又沦落成精神病
At least there was always Mr Ravioli to be friends with.
He was a much safer option.
He wondered what Mary was doing right now.
But she was far from content
and struggled on by herself, saving her money for a rainy day.
她正一个人 拼命干活 多多攒钱 未雨绸缪
Life went on as usual for Max
and even though he opted for order and stability,
misfortune was never far away.
Luckily, his manslaughter charges were dismissed.
because he was labelled mentally deficient
and unlikely to have a motive for killing a mime artist...
From then on, Max cooled himself differently
and things went back to normal
until after his 48th birthday, when his numbers finally came up.
Welcome to the New York Lottery
and these are tonight's winning numbers -
Max was sensible with his sudden wealth
and had bought a lifetime supply of chocolate
and the complete Noblet collection.
Two of his life goals had come true.
But he still had a lot of money
so decided to give it to lvy...
..who was also very sensible...
dentist dr.philipa holes.
..until her own numbers came up.
lvy willed everything to the local cat shelter,
whose owner relocated her kind donation to his bank account,
his wife's new breasts, a Ferrari and enough fuel to get to Mexico.
变成他妻子的一对大胸 一辆法拉利 以及足够开到墨西哥的汽油
Despite achieving all his life's goals,
Max still felt incomplete.
Mr Ravioli just wasn't cutting the mustard anymore
and seemed more interested in his self-help books.
Mary had given Max a taste of real friendship
and there was just no comparison.
She missed him too
but no longer saved to see him.
She now saved for a different reason.
awaken the giant within
One day Mr Ravioli got up, left and never came back.
有一天 拉维欧利跳了起来 跑了出去 就再也没回来
Max sought Dr Hazelhof's advice.
He told Max that true friendship is seen through the heart,
not through the eyes,
and that it was time he wrote to Mary to reveal his true self, warts and all.
他应该写信给玛丽 告诉她真实的自己 包括缺点和一切
Dear Mary Daisy Dinkle,
there is something I have to tell you
which will explain why I have not written.
Each time I received one of your letters, I had a severe anxiety attack.
This is because recently, while I was in a mental institution,
they diagnosed that I have a new thing called Asperger's syndrome,
which is a neurobiological, pervasive, developmental disability.
这是一种神经生物学的 全面的 发展性的缺陷
l prefer 'Aspie' for short.
l will now list some of the traits of an Aspie.
下面 我就列举一下 一个亚斯派的特征吧
No.1 - I find the world very confusing and chaotic
because my mind is very literal and logical.
2 - I have trouble understanding the expressions on people's faces.
When I was younger, I made a book to help me when I was confused.
以前 我做了本小书 分辨不清的时候就对照着看
l still have trouble with some people.
lvy was hard to understand because of her wrinkles
and because her eyebrows weren't real.
3 - I have bad handwriting,
and can get very concerned.
4 - I like solving problems. lvy said this is a good thing.
And finally No.5 - I have trouble expressing my emotions.
Dr Bernard Hazelhof says my brain is defective
but one day there will be a cure for my disability.
l do not like it when he says this.
l do not feel disabled, defective or I need to be cured.
我不觉得自己有病 有缺陷 或者需要治疗
l like being an Aspie.
lt would be like trying to change the colour of my eyes.
There is one thing I wish I could change, however.
l wish I could cry properly.
l squeeze and squeeze but nothing...comes out.
l cry when I cut onions but this does not count.
Anyway, do you like the word 'cumquat'?
lt is a type of fruit.
Do you have a favourite-sounding word?
My top 5 are ointment, bumblebee,
l have also invented some new words:
'confuzzled', which is being confused and puzzled at the same time,
'snirt', which is a cross between snow and dirt,
and 'smushables' ...
..which are squashed groceries you find at the bottom of the bag.
l have sent a letter to the Oxford Dictionary people
asking them to include my words
but I have not heard back.
lt is now time for me to go to my Overeaters Anonymous meeting.
There is a woman there called Marjorie Buttersworth
who confuzzles me.
She kisses me without my permission
so tonight I have decided to rub onions under my armpits to repel her.
Your friend in America, Max Jerry Horowitz.
PS. Please find enclosed
some chocolate-covered ants I found at the deli.
PPS. Not much has happened since I last wrote
附附注 自上次写信 没发生什么大事
except for my manslaughter charges, lotto win and lvy's death.
cooler kills clown
retarded man wins jackpot
widow leaves fortune to felines
Mary was thrilled Max had finally written
and suddenly had a fabulous idea.
Mary and Max's friendship was resuscitated
and her tears were the best gift he'd ever received.
lnside Max's head his brain was smiling.
Loaded up with bizarre forms of chocolate,
their letters flew thick and fast between the continents.
Max learnt to read Mary's letters with caution
and at the slightest tingle of tension, he would stop,
take his medication and soothe his nerves.
Each letter he would iron, laminate and file in a special place,
which also soothed his nerves.
He enjoyed answering her questions and solving her puzzles like -
Do sheep shrink when it rains?
Why do old men wear their pants so high?
Do gooses get goosebumps and why is bellybutton lint blue?
Are there Noblets in heaven?
And if a taxi goes backwards, does the driver owe you money?
ln turn, Mary simply enjoyed hearing about Max's fascinating life -
同时 玛丽很爱听 马克思讲述他的奇妙生活
how many people he'd counted littering...
..how the latest Henry had died...
..and new recipes he'd invented for chicken.
Each nourished the other
and, as Mary grew taller,
Max grew wider -
their friendship becoming stronger than the glue on Mary's Noblets.
Although Max found solace in Mary,
he still found the rest of the world bewildering.
And he couldn't understand
why he was seen as the odd one
while everyone else was considered normal.
Humans were endlessly illogical.
Why did they throw out food when there were children starving in lndia?
Why did they clear the rainforests when they needed the oxygen?
And why did they create bus timetables when they never ran on time?
National geographic saving the amazon
He agreed with his favourite physicist that there are only two things infinite...
the universe and man's stupidity.
And for Mary, even though Max filled her with confidence...
..her world was far from perfect.
The grip of love had her by the throat.
At 4.59pm, on the 8th of the 8th, 1 988...
..Noel Norman Dinkle attached his last string
and, after 40 years and 40 million tea bags, he retired.
于是 在工作了40年 缝过四千万茶包之后 他退休了
To celebrate, Noel announced he was retiring from taxidermy
为了庆祝 诺尔宣布 他也不再制作标本了
and taking up metal detecting instead.
But, sadly, it was not a hobby he had for long.
beneath this mound
ln his will, Noel had left Mary some money
so she decided to go to university and study disorders of the mind,
yearning to learn more about her friend.
Mary was as popular at university as she was at school.
Damian went there too, aching to be a Thespian.
Hi there, M-M-Mary.
嗨 你好 玛…玛……玛丽
That was damn f-f-funny!
Hey, Damian, your mum's roses look fab!
嗨 达米 你妈妈种的玫瑰真是美极了！
Oh, th-th-th-thanks, Mary.
哦 谢…谢谢 玛丽
Um. M-Mary, can I tell you something?
那个 玛…玛丽 我能跟你说点事吗？
Um, um, you've got d-d-d-d-dog's poo on your shoe.
l have been such an idiot.
l've wasted all my money on something pointless
when I should have been saving to see you.
l know love upsets you so I won't go on about it.
All I want to say is that love is obviously not for me.
我只是想说 很显然 谈情说爱并不适合我
l hope you are well and enjoy the chocolate cigarettes l've enclosed.
Oh, you should be ashamed!
- Come on, baby. Let's go. - Oh, Mum...
- 快 宝贝儿 咱们走 - 妈…
I told you never to talk to strangers.
Noel's sudden death had filled Vera with remorse and guilt
and she coped in the only way she knew.
embaliming fluid extra toxic
always merry killed by sherry
love yourself first
our wedding day was everything I have ever dreamt,
making up for the terrible year l've had.
Although all the guests were Damian's family and friends,
l felt very welcome.
Damian is so perfect. He even made my wedding dress.
And for our honeymoon
he took me to Mykonos - his favourite island in Greece.
l got to ride a donkey
and found the perfect gift for Len.
Poor Len, he's still struggling with his agoraphobia.
可怜的莱恩 他还在和“恐旷症”苦苦搏斗 （玛丽终于把恐旷症说对了）
Damian and I are so similar.
He even has his own penfriend, who lives on a sheep farm in New Zealand.
Mary was bursting with self-esteem
and her confidence was almost unbearable.
At university, she shone
and took it upon herself to cure the world of mental illness.
madness a brief history
pretending to be normal
She did her thesis on Asperger's syndrome
and used Max as her case study.
Her professors were thoroughly impressed
and her writing praised far and wide.
Soon, publishers queued to print her unique insight
很快 出版商排起了长队 争相出版她独到的学术见解
and by her 25th birthday, thousands of copies were ready to be shipped.
l am very proud to give you
the very first copy of my book about your disability
and the hopes that we have to one day cure it.
Even more exciting
is that I am finally coming to meet and celebrate with you in one week's time.
再过一周 我终于可以去见你 并与你一同庆祝
l'm also going to give you half the royalties.
Your loving friend, Mary.
PS. Please find enclosed some chocolate-coated Swiss almonds.
Max didn't take the news very well -
not very well at all.
Dear Mary Daisy Dinkle,
l cannot express myself very clearly at this moment
and so I will list my emotions in the order they feel most intense -
因此 我把我感受到的情绪 以强弱顺序排列如下：
hurt, confuzzledness, betrayal, discomfort, distress and wheeziness.
This last one is not really an emotion
but I thought you should know about it anyway.
With her suitcase packed for New York, Mary said goodbye to Damian.
玛丽收拾好行李 准备飞赴纽约 她向达米道了别
She hadn't been this excited since she'd found a Noblet in the gutter.
But her excitement suddenly dribbled away
like a chocolate in the sun.
mt. waverley pulp mill
local academic pulps novel and career
annies liquor barn
Mary slowly sank into a puddle of depression, self-loathing
and cooking sherry.
The only colour left in her life was her beloved Damian,
only an arm's length away but as distant as the moon.
She lost interest in the world and it lost interest in her
as a horrible apparition began to haunt.
She started to spend her nights making pompoms
and eating two-minute noodles.
Each day, with strength and shame,
Mary trudged to the letterbox in hope,
only to swivel, shrivel and slink back inside.
却只能晃晃悠悠 磕磕绊绊 灰不溜秋地躲回屋里
barns galore spring catalogue
My dearest Mary,
by the time you read this, I will be on a plane to New Zealand
to begin a new life.
You probably haven't even noticed l'd packed my bags.
I have fallen in love with my penfriend, Desmond,
我和我的笔友 戴斯蒙德 相爱了
and I'm going to live on his sheep farm.
lt's been hard to watch you become a remnant of the person I once loved.
看着当初的爱人把自己 折磨成今天这个样子 我也很难受
Your research into m-m-mental illness has been admirable
but your i-idealistic pursuit to remedy it has been misguided.
Mary, you have to realise y-you are not a magic beauty cream
玛丽 你必须认识到 你不是什么神奇的美容霜
you can smooth on the world to rid it of its wrinkles.
but I love Desmond more.
l hope one day your heart will heal and we can be friends.
Yours compassionately, Damian.
no littering 500 fine
Dear Mayor Ridiculani,
on Monday I counted 27 people illegally dropping cigarette butts.
l would like to recommend the fine be increased
to a minimum of $1 million as a stronger deterrent
and would be happy...
financial advice 50 cents
please find enclosed my entire Noblet collection
as a sign that I forgive you.
When I received your book, the emotions inside...
spare change or kdiney
On the way home, Max sat to count the stars.
回家的路上 马克思坐了下来 数星星
the world was back in balance.
Valium mrs. vera dingkle take two when necessary
" When I was just a little girl
" I asked my mother, what will I be?
" Will I be pretty, will I be rich?
" Here's what she said to me...
" Whatever will be will be
" The future's not ours to see
" Whatever will be will be
" The future's not ours to see
" What will be will be
Len had saved the day and after 45 years
he finally conquered his agoraphobia.
please find enclosed my entire Noblet collection
as a sign that I forgive you.
When I received your book, the emotions inside my brain
felt like they were in a tumble dryer, smashing into each other.
The hurt felt like when I accidentally stapled my lips together.
The reason I forgive you is because you are not perfect.
You are imperfect, and so am l.
All humans are imperfect,
even the man outside my apartment who litters.
When I was young, I wanted to be anybody but myself.
我小时候 想成为任何人 除了我自己
Dr Bernard Hazelhof said if I was on a desert island
then I would have to get used to my own company -
just me and the coconuts.
He said I would have to accept myself, my warts and all,
and that we don't get to choose our warts.
They are a part of us and we have to live with them.
We can, however, choose our friends
and I am glad I have chosen you.
Dr Bernard Hazelhof also said
that everyone's lives are like a very long sidewalk.
Some are well paved. Others, like mine,
有些道路平平坦坦 还有一些 比如我的
have cracks, banana skins and cigarette butts.
Your sidewalk is like mine but probably not as many cracks.
Hopefully, one day our sidewalks will meet
但愿 某一天 我们的人行道能够相交
and we can share a can of condensed milk.
You are my best friend. You are my only friend.
Your American penpal, Max Jerry Horowitz.
PS. I have recently found the perfect job with a survey company.
All I have to do is eat things and tick boxes.
keep your money i want change
Max had died peacefully that morning
after finishing his final can of condensed milk.
You are my best friend. You are my only friend.
Born in a barn in the hills of Boronia,
as tears rolled from her eyes
the colour of muddy puddles.
“上帝赐予我们亲人 感谢上帝我们得以选择朋友”- 伊索·蒙福德
dedicated to my friends